KWFL - Part the 4th
Grnwoman
This is a work in progress, and audience participation is encouraged! It can
grow and morph in many ways. Remember, whatever you post, you just may wind up
in my song ...
* * *
With thanks and apologies to Jimmy Buffett and crewe, and proceeding under the
assumption that forgiveness is easier to ask than permission,
This serial takes place in a universe just a dimensional shimmer away from our
own ...
TALES OF THE KEY WEST FOREIGN LEGION
The Pirate Parrott Boathouse, Beach and Bar
Dedicated to the crewe of alt.fan.Jimmy-Buffett
GreenWoman
* * *
2/7/98
Part the Fourth
"I made enough money to buy Miami, but I pissed it away so fast ...
Never meant to last ... "
Jimmy Buffett
* * *
-- GreenWoman's Log, KWFL --
* * *
--last time in KWLF--
"Omigawd, look!" I exclaimed in delight. Even the crabs in the mangrove roots
couldn't believe their eyestalks.
The whistle shrieked again, white steam mixing with a cloud of black smoke that
trailed behind what had to be the homeliest boat any of us had ever seen. The
graceful sweep of a Boston Whaler bow sloped back 20 feet to flatten into the
drag-tail transom of a shrimp boat, crusted with rotting bumper sponges. A
tattered rag of canvas that might have once been white clung tenaciously to a
frame of metal piping over the pilot's wheel. Waving rakishly from behind that
wheel, one foot on the starboard rail, was Blackbeard.
"Hey, guys, look what I scored for us!" The note of triumph in his voice was
unmistakable.
Drifty tossed diplomacy to the winds.
"What the hell is *that*?" he asked.
Blackbeard, too wrapped in glory to recognize cynicism, smiled broadly. "Meet
the Conch Queen!"
The KWFLPPBBB had a boat.
* * *
"That's not a boat, that's an unfinished shipwreck," snorted Drifty.
"She's yar, take my word for it," Blackbeard shot back.
"Take *your* word for it! You worked on submarines ... you guys sank your
boats on purpose!"
"Only because we could," said Blackbeard defensively.
"*I* think she has a lot of character," I jumped in, trying to defuse the
conflict. "She fits right in with the rest of this place."
"She's gonna take a lot of work." Even the eternally optimistic Desdemona was
a bit skeptical.
"Well, we'll have the parrottpower," I replied. "I got an e-mail from Emilie
this morning ... she's finished travel arrangements for JHat, AngelK, Jhnjb and
Takeitez. This place is going to be jumping pretty soon."
"And Raven is coming, too!" added Desdemona. "I think we're going to need him,
after what happened to Skip yesterday."
We all laughed. Skip Wiley had come bearing gifts for the Boathouse. He'd
spent the better part of the day arraying the upper deck with strings of party
lights ... chili peppers, pineapples, palm trees, parrots, Chinese lanterns and
even little plastic Godzillas now glowed softly in the dusk. Unfortunately, a
misstep toward the end of the project had sent him tumbling over the rail and
into the lagoon, from which he had fortunately emerged unhurt. But we'd all
had our share of scrapes, from thumbs hit by hammers to wood splinters to
sunburn, and having Raven on the place with his medical knowhow would be
reassuring.
Blackbeard finished tying up the Conch Queen and stepped onto the dock. "I'm
gonna go get cleaned up. Margaritas on the deck later?"
"As always," I said, and turned my attention to my feet, dangling in the water.
Bob the Mermaid surfaced and started nibbling my bare toes. "No more lettuce,
lady," I apologised.
"Truer than you think," Salome said, coming down the stairs from the upper deck
with a solemn look on her face. Glumly, she sat down on the dock next to Des,
Drifty and me.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, I've been going over the books," our accountant said, "and while we've
been pretty careful about our spending, the Drede Pyratte Roberts' fortune
doesn't go as far these days as it would have in his time. I've invested a lot
of it, but we should be thinking about a way to make this place pay for
itself."
The water lapping against the Conch Queen and Bob's soft snorts were the only
sounds for a while, as we contemplated the prospect of our dream beaching
itself.
"OK," I said finally. "Meeting tonight on the upper deck."
The dock party broke up and we drifted off in different directions, thinking
hard.
* * *
MangoHombre and NiteOwl rolled in that afternoon, a cooler full of shrimp in
the back of their car. I tried to stay in the kitchen and help, but the sting
of Zatrain's made my eyes water and drove me out. I blinked as I passed the
bathrooms ... someone had taken chalk and crossed out "Fins" and "Tails." A
wild scrawl proclaimed "Crawdads" and "Crawmamas." I laughed and headed for
the stairs.
I found the floor of the big room on the ground level strewn with boxes, duffel
bags and bright aluminum lockers. A big fellow stood amidst the mess like the
Ghost of Christmas Present amid the makings of a feast.
"Hi, I'm Gator!" he proclaimed. "I brought stuff for the dive shop!"
"I see," I managed, a little stunned. "Dive shop?"
"Well, sure," he said. "I want to pull my own weight around here, and diving
is what I know. Where should I put this stuff?"
"Um ... through those doors, in the Boathouse," I said absently. "I'll get
Drifty and Skip to help you." The wheels were turning in my brain ... kachunk,
kachunk, kachunk ... and the beginnings of a plan were forming.
* * *
The upper deck was crowded that night. We sat in the dark, surrounded by tiki
torches and glowing Godzillas, sipping our margaritas and relaxing. Irieblue
idly picked paint the color of her name from her hands ... she'd received her
welcoming drink and paint can the day before, and had almost as much paint on
herself as on her walls. It had been a good, strong drink. Yomonk and Adrian,
two lurkers who'd joined us, leaned on the railing, their backs to the water.
I almost said something, but changed my mind. Dawn's new blender made potent
potions and several of us, once "mellowed," had gone over that railing in past
weeks. We called it "dancing with Bob," who never seemed to mind and
good-naturedly nudged those of us who temporarily forgot how to swim back to
the dock ladder. I wasn't about to ruin the initiation for our newbies.
"This meeting is called to order," I said. "Salome has informed me that we
need to find a way to bring some income to this place. And I think I have an
idea."
Des smiled. I'd run this past her already, and she'd been enthusiastic.
"Some of you know that for several years, I worked for Disney's theme park
designers," I continued. "I always enjoyed going down to the Park in Anaheim
and watching the adults having as much fun as the kids, especially on the
Jungle Cruise. I think we could do something similar here. We've got the
Conch Queen, and Gator's diving equipment. We've got Bob -- "
"Hey," cut in Mayday. "Bob's *my* girl! I don't want her being exploited."
"No," I agreed. "But she could teach a lot of people about manatees. You and
Des could write the spiels, Takeitez and Jhat can be the tour guides, and
Blackbeard can pilot. Des and Raven can make their wonderful Key Lime pies for
pholks to eat afterward, here on the deck, while they sip Mojo's margaritas.
I'm going to ask MangoMan to come down and be our security guard/gatekeeper,
and Angel38 can greet people at the gate and show them around. I'll give the
garden tour. We can share the place with others on weekends, teach them about
the Keys, show them a good time, make some money, and keep the place going.
What do you think?"
Dawn's blender whirred in the silence as the crewe mulled it over. Finally,
Whino spoke up.
"I'm for it," he said. "I'll help write the spiel ... you guys could use some
one-liners to break up the education." He winked at Des.
"Me, too," chimed in Jhnjb. "I'll help give the tours."
Microvore spoke up too. "I've been a lurker up until now, but I'll be glad to
put my PR skills to use for the cause."
"Yeah, this could be fun!" "I'm for it!" "Me too!"
OC grumped, "I don't like the idea of tourists comin' on the property, but if
they're Buffett pholk, I guess it's OK."
All eyes turned to Bill Hoffert, Parrotthead Emeritus. He sipped his rita
slowly, enjoying the suspense he was generating. Finally, he nodded.
"I like this plan. I'm glad to be a part of it."
The vote was unanimous. Paper parasols flew into the air and burst into tiny
flares of light as they fell into the tiki torches. Jhnjb pushed the button on
the boom box, and the deck swayed slightly as everyone began dancing to
"Livingston Saturday Night." The Pirate Parrotts partied long into the night,
and a few Astaires went over the rail to dance with Bob. The manatee didn't
mind, and neither did her partners ... we fished our comrades out of the
lagoon, wet but spirits undampened.
We were having too much fun to worry about whether or not the plan would work.
It had to.
* * *
At the same time, in a darkened room some miles south of the KWFLPPBBB, a suit
appeared in a doorway.
"Boss, we've got a problem."
The clatter of computer keys ceased. "Is it a real problem, or a legal
problem?" a soft drawl asked, slightly annoyed.
"It's a real legal problem," came the equally annoyed reply. "I wish you'd
take this stuff more seriously, Boss. It could hurt your copyrights."
The balding blond man rubbed his upper lip. The mustache was coming back
slowly, he thought, but it's coming back. He smiled to himself.
"Boss ..."
Resigned, the writer executed the "save" keystroke on his computer and
swivelled his chair to face his visitor.
"All right. Tell me about it."
--to be continued--
* * *
There is humor in everything, no matter how grim. - Warren Zevon -
If I wasn't crazy, I would go insane. - Jimmy Buffett -
Be cool, but care. - Buckaroo Banzai -
Salome
You have me glued to the edge of my seat.
(How fast can you write??) I tip my hat to you Grnwoman...
--
"I wanna go back to the Island...."
Jimmy Buffett
Salome (Who is truly honored to be included in such a work of literary
genius :-)
Gardner McKay
Grnwoman,
You have a great talent. Keep up the good work. This is a
tremendous novel. When's it going to print?
Phins up, Phriend of the Phlock
Gardner McKay
By the way, I'm a newbie to the group (as of the last couple
of weeks). I'm also a newbie to posting. I hope no one minds my butting
in? Just looking to communicate with fellow Parrotheads. I'm not quite
sure about news group etiquette here. Let me know if I'm doing something
wrong. I'd love to be part of the group!
I've recently been posting under my real name (Terry P.
Naumann) till I just figured out how to change that. Hope I'm not using
someone else's moniker? If so, please let me know and I'll think of
another.
Phins up, Phriend of the Phlock
"Hey, hey Gardner McKay, take us on the Leaky Tiki with you" JB
Drifty the Gypsy
Gardner McKay wrote in message <6bm4bk$frc$1...@news1.i1.net>...
You can use the nick if'n you can tell us the name of your boat...
Drifty the Gypsy
~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~
"We ain't got no money,
we ain't got no right
But we're gypsies in the palace,
we got it all tonight"
-Jimmy Buffett
~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~
Gardner McKay
Drifty the Gypsy wrote in message <34ded...@news3.ibm.net>...
>You can use the nick if'n you can tell us the name of your boat...
>
>Drifty the Gypsy
>~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~
>"We ain't got no money,
> we ain't got no right
> But we're gypsies in the palace,
> we got it all tonight"
> -Jimmy Buffett
>~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~
Gardner's boat was the "Tiki"
My wife and I affectionately named ours "Parrothead - Port of
Margaritaville". I had a local artist do the artwork and lettering,
complete with a Setting Sun behind Palms emblem on both sides and a Parrot
on the back (of course).
Phins up, Gardner
"....clear skies, bound for Shanghai,
sailing cross the ocean blue" JB
Gardner McKay
Oh yea, in the "real world", my professions include Horticulture (Forestry
and Gardening - hence Gardner) and Firefighting (I'm currently a Fire
Captain)
- not to mention Millionaire-ism, boat owning, Key West travelling, model
railroading and Buffett listening. By the way Whino, good job on the fire
extinguishment. You get a commendation for saving the margaritas!
Phins up, Gardner
"...take us on the Leaky Tiki with you" JB
Drifty the Gypsy
>Gardner's boat was the "Tiki"
>My wife and I affectionately named ours "Parrothead - Port of
>Margaritaville". I had a local artist do the artwork and lettering,
>complete with a Setting Sun behind Palms emblem on both sides and a Parrot
>on the back (of course).
>
>Phins up, Gardner
>
>"....clear skies, bound for Shanghai,
> sailing cross the ocean blue" JB
>
>
FANTASTIC... most people think it was the leaky Tiki... but we know that
leaky was it's condition not its name.
Desdemona
Well, my dear, you've done it *again*!! Muz be nice to have such
talents! Can hardly wait for the next installment!
Wouldn't it be a goof if JB is reading this stuff! I mean, with his
writing talents, he'd have to have great admiration for *yours*. I can
see it now, a made for TV movie ~ Bubba Productions! 'Course, after you
take us thru the suit in the doorway bidness, "only time will tell..."!!
--
Des ;o)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"We need more fruitcakes in this world and less bakers! We need people
that care! I'm mad as hell and I don't want to take it any more!" JB
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Desdemona
Drifty the Gypsy wrote:
>
> FANTASTIC... most people think it was the leaky Tiki... but we know that
> leaky was it's condition not its name.
Kinda sounds like some ParrotHeads I know! ;-D
David VanCamp
Wondeful, wondeful, wondeful - Lawrence Welk
Outstanding GW. I am humbled to be included and cannot wiat for the next
installment. Keep 'em coming.
Dave (the biggest Gator)
"I yam what I yam"
-Popeye
Emilie
Ya know, I've been thinkin'....(look out)....I still haven't made it to the
KWFL yet, cuz I seem to still be busy gettin' everyone *else* there....SO,
I'm gonna have to draw the line somewhere so's I can enjoy some o' the fun
first hand down there...and of course, I'll need another talent to "earn my
keep" once I get there. (I can, of course, do remote reservations for later
arrivals via the wonders of modern technology - we *are* wired down there,
right?? ISDN lines for all!!! LOL)
However, I was noticing, what with all these margaritas flowing so freely
and people "dancing with Bob" on a regular basis...that we oughta have a
resident lifeguard!
Now, I need to brush up on my skills...it's been a few years since I've done
any official Baywatch imitations....but I'm quite certain I could handle the
job, and seeing as how you'd certainly want to keep me as far from the
kitchen as possible...it just might work! Julia Child I'm not!
Heck, I'll even bring water wings for everyone! Anyway, it's just an
idea.....I have many other talents if this doesn't "float"! <g>
Emilie - lookin' around for her red float-y thing
Grnwoman wrote in message <19980207180...@ladder02.news.aol.com>...
iKnowaWhino
Emilie wrote:
>
> Ya know, I've been thinkin'....(look out)....I still haven't made it to the
> KWFL yet, cuz I seem to still be busy gettin' everyone *else* there....SO,
> I'm gonna have to draw the line somewhere so's I can enjoy some o' the fun
> first hand down there...and of course, I'll need another talent to "earn my
> keep" once I get there. (I can, of course, do remote reservations for later
> arrivals via the wonders of modern technology - we *are* wired down there,
> right?? ISDN lines for all!!! LOL)
>
> However, I was noticing, what with all these margaritas flowing so freely
> and people "dancing with Bob" on a regular basis...that we oughta have a
> resident lifeguard!
>
> Now, I need to brush up on my skills...it's been a few years since I've done
> any official Baywatch imitations....but I'm quite certain I could handle the
> job, and seeing as how you'd certainly want to keep me as far from the
> kitchen as possible...it just might work! Julia Child I'm not!
>
> Heck, I'll even bring water wings for everyone! Anyway, it's just an
> idea.....I have many other talents if this doesn't "float"! <g>
>
> Emilie - lookin' around for her red float-y thing
>
Hey Emilie
Yeah go ahead and take the best job it the place why don't ya?
(besides possibly Bill H.'s)
I'll split duty with ya
We'll build us a lifeguard deck chair platform with dual cup
holders and a cooler mount in the middle.
A big Mango umbrella and a diving platform to do out triple gainers
off of.
String us a tow line to the upper deck for refills on beer, rittas
and sun block. And we'll be "living in the sunshine staying content
most of the time"
Whino "dreaming of fun in the sun"
ps we'll have to get some of the extra strength sun block
for the skinny dipping days ;-)
--
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
" And the Wino and I know the joy of the ocean
like a boy knows the joy of his milk shake in
motion."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
iKnowaWhino
Gardner McKay wrote:
By the way Whino, good job on the fire
> extinguishment. You get a commendation for saving the margaritas!
>
Thanks Gardner
All tho i can't take credit for the save
A buddy of mine (Big Mike) is the one who actually saved
the rittas from getting extinguisher gunk all over.
I was too busy beating the fire alarm to death with the beer bong.
Emilie
*Nothin'* can beat Bill's job...but ya gotta work your way up to royalty!
So, having said that, it couldn't get any more perfect than what you
described! Reminds me of the old days when I got paid to get tan and hang
at the pool. So, if we're lucky, that'll be our job at the KWFL!! Maybe I
better start calling around for sunblock donations...we're gonna need a lot
of it!
Emilie - lookin' forward to *getting* some tan lines
iKnowaWhino wrote in message <34E08D...@yahoo.com>...
>Hey Emilie
>Yeah go ahead and take the best job it the place why don't ya?
>(besides possibly Bill H.'s)
>
>I'll split duty with ya
>
>We'll build us a lifeguard deck chair platform with dual cup
>holders and a cooler mount in the middle.
>
>A big Mango umbrella and a diving platform to do out triple gainers
>off of.
>
>String us a tow line to the upper deck for refills on beer, rittas
>and sun block. And we'll be "living in the sunshine staying content
>most of the time"
>
>Whino "dreaming of fun in the sun"
>
>ps we'll have to get some of the extra strength sun block
> for the skinny dipping days ;-)
>
>
skip wiley
listenin to murphy , walker ,and willis sing you there texas rhyme!!!!
skip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
iKnowaWhino wrote in message <34E08D...@yahoo.com>...
>Emilie wrote:
>>