The alt.fan.jeremy-reimer FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS LIST (FAQ)
Jeremy Reimer
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THE ALT.FAN.JEREMY-REIMER FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS LIST (Periodic posting)
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Version 0.9999911119zzzzzxxy (alpha)
1. WHO THE HELL IS JEREMY REIMER?
Good question. Well, he's just this guy. He's not famous or brilliant
and he does not possess super-strength, or even super-spelling.
2. SO WHY THE HELL DOES HE HAVE HIS OWN USENET GROUP?
The correct term would be _Alternate_ Usenet group, or Alt. group. Not
quite the same as a "regular" Usenet group. Not as valuable, as well-
propagated, or as high in calories. This group was newgrouped by Joel
"Moderator of alt.config" Furr, after an earnest, passionate plea for a
proper newsgroup for Jeremy Reimer's postings by Jeremy Reimer himself,
on alt.config. It wasn't actually my idea, but I eagerly accepted it
after the fact.
3. SO HOW COME IT HASN'T SHOWN UP ON MY SITE?
Because Tim Pierce promptly newgrouped it, as Tim Pierce is wont to do.
4. IS TIM PIERCE REALLY A DORK?
He's just a guy, you know.
5. HOW CAN I GET ALT.FAN.JEREMY-REIMER SENT TO MY SITE?
Ask your sysadmin. He/she will either a) laugh in your face electronically,
b) ignore you disdainfully, or c) do both and also carry the group at your
site.
6. WHY WOULD I _WANT_ TO GET ALT.FAN.JEREMY-REIMER AT MY SITE?
Because it has more traffic than alt.fan.bill-gates. Because on a rare
occasion, it has been known to contain humorous, irreverent posts. Because
I asked you to, nicely.
7. ARE YOU A CRETIN?
No.
8. DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU _DESERVE_ YOUR OWN USENET, SORRY, ALT. GROUP?
Not really.
9. SO WHY ARE YOU WASTING OUR TIME WITH THIS CRAP?
Because in the future, only people who _don't_ want their own .fan groups
will be allowed to have one. I'm just ahead of the wave.
10. IS THIS FAQ EVER GOING TO GET FUNNY?
Perhaps.
11. HAS ANYONE EVER ACTUALLY _ASKED_ ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS?
No.
12. THEN WHY IS THIS CALLED A _FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS_ LIST?
Because "List of Questions that, if this group were actually read by more
than two people, would probably be asked quite Frequently, instead of
never, which is currently the case" wouldn't fit in the Subject: line.
13. HOW MANY PEOPLE DO ACTUALLY READ THIS GROUP?
I have no idea.
14. SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE AT LEAST SOME IDEA?
I plan on asking. This probably won't help, however.
15. WHY DON'T YOU JUST READ NEWS.LISTS?
Because this group isn't big enough for News.Lists.
16. THAT'S PRETTY PATHETIC.
Hey, we're just starting out, you know.
17. HOW LONG DO YOU PLAN ON HAVING THIS GROUP, ANYWAY?
The rest of my life.
18. REALLY?
Or until the Imminent Death of the Net.
19. IS IT THAT IMMINENT???
Not really.
20. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON THE NET, ANYWAY?
Since about 1989. The Net has stubbornly refused to die since then. It
is still the only communications network designed to be immune to nuclear
attack.
21. DO YOU THINK ANYONE WOULD EVER ATTACK ALT.FAN.JEREMY-REIMER WITH NUKES?
Quite possibly.
22. WOULD WE SURVIVE THAT?
Yes, most definitely.
23. WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET TO THE INTERESTING QUESTIONS?
When you start asking them.
24. OK, SMARTASS, HERE'S ONE. WHAT POSTS ARE APPROPRIATE IN THIS GROUP?
Anything is appropriate in alt.fan.jeremy-reimer, except posts complaining
about other posts. That is, this group is the place that I always wanted
to be able to post stuff and not have anybody whine about it. Or at least,
not that many people.
25. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MORE POSTS IN THIS GROUP?
Yes.
26. ARE WE EVER LIKELY TO SEE MORE POSTS IN THIS GROUP?
Oh, certainly.
27. OTHER THAN CROSSPOSTS?
Well, maybe.
28. WHAT ABOUT ALL THE COOL STUFF YOU'VE DONE, STUFF THAT HAS NO REAL
PLACE, LIKE THE N-MAN SERIES, OR PARODIES LIKE THE STUDLY-OS MARKET
ANNOUNCEMENT SHEET, OR EVEN WEIRDER THINGS THAT NOBODY HAS EVER SEEN
YET, BUT ARE OCCASIONALLY MILDLY AMUSING, WHICH IS BETTER THAN MOST OF
USENET?
Yes, all that is going to be posted here. That and pictures of my OS/2
desktop.
29. OH HELL. I KNEW OS/2 WAS GOING TO GET MENTIONED EVENTUALLY.
Well, I _am_ the OS/2ibo.
30. WILL OS/2 SOLVE ALL OF YOUR PERSONAL PROBLEMS?
No, but Studly-OS(tm) will.
31. WHAT IS STUDLY-OS?
Wait for the Studly-OS posting.
32. BUT YOU REALLY, REALLY, *REALLY* LIKE OS/2, DON'T YOU?
It's a very violent love/hate relationship, but otherwise, yes.
33. WHY?
Why not?
34. THAT'S A VERY GOOD ANSWER.
Thank-you.
35. DO YOU HATE MICROSOFT?
Microsoft does not exist. In fact, the entire company is staffed by
trained mice.
36. BUT DIDN'T MICE WANT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD, OR SOMETHING?
You're thinking of the pan-dimensional kind in Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the
Galaxy.
37. OH YEAH.
They have no affiliation with Microsoft.
38. AREN'T MICROSOFT-HATERS SUPPOSED TO CALL IT MICROSCUM, OR MICROSLUDGE,
OR MICROSLIME, OR SOMETHING?
The worst thing anybody can call Microsoft, is Microsoft.
39. OUCH. _THAT_ HURT.
Good.
40. ARE WE EVER GOING TO GET TO THE END OF THIS FAQ?
Maybe, if you stop asking so many stupid questions.
41. ALL RIGHT. I'M DONE. THANKS.
No, thank-YOU.
42. NO, THANK-_YOU_.
That looked a bit like John_-_Winston!
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Thus we come to the end of the FAQ. Any questions that you wish to be
added to the FAQ, please post with the subject line "FAQ Addition", and
your suggestion will be promptly considered, if it is zany enough, that is.
--
Jeremy "OS/2ibo" Reimer
Promoting Better Netting Through Mediocrity since 1989.
"This is the snobbery of the people on the Mayflower looking down
their noses at the people who came over ON THE SECOND BOAT!"
- Mitch Kapor, on Usenet elitism
Justin Michael
jag...@claw.wimsey.com (Jeremy Reimer) writes:
>24. OK, SMARTASS, HERE'S ONE. WHAT POSTS ARE APPROPRIATE IN THIS GROUP?
>
>Anything is appropriate in alt.fan.jeremy-reimer, except posts complaining
>about other posts. That is, this group is the place that I always wanted
>to be able to post stuff and not have anybody whine about it. Or at least,
>not that many people.
I can't believe this question and answer are contained in this post! It's
ridiculous, superfluous and unnecessary besides being poorly written. I
think I should write his sysadmin to get his account revoked. And the
net had to pay a lot of money to transmit the content of this question
and answer!