The Story Of Nigel Toy (was: Re: csma stats [ 6/19-99 - 7/25/99 ]
Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer
> Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer wrote:
> >
> > > > New Zealand sucks. Ask me why.
> >
> > > Why?
> >
> > Because of Nigel R.L. Toy. Ask me who he is.
>
> Who is he?
Okay, I'll stop playing teasing games. Nigel R.L. Toy was (and is) the
Headmaster of a certain private school here in Vancouver, where I once
taught. He was hired to "clean up" the lax attitude that the board
members erroneously assumed existed in the school at the time (since the
kids were causing all the problems, and the worst offenders were children
of the board members, the problem was rather closer to home)
Anyway, he was hired and half a year later I applied for a part-time job
to fill in for a long-time teacher who was ill with cancer (he later
died, a great loss to us all) The math head interviewed me (out of more
than 100 applicants, 14 were interviewed, including me, and I had only a
year's worth of teaching experience at the time!) and wanted to hire me,
but Nigel had to see me first. He did, and I played the game properly
and got hired. Ample proof that if you *really* want something you can
always get it, but that's another thread.
So Nigel was still the new guy, and the longtimers treated him with
either fear (for their jobs) or mild contempt. Nigel responded with
coldness and anger, but little real action. He reorganized the
administration so that he had two lackeys to do all the real work and
take all the blame, then insisted on three (THREE!) formal, full-school
assemblies per week, with the red carpet and formal lectern with the
crest, and him in a black robe and cape, swooping in *after* the deputy
head had gotten the place quiet, with deliberate lowered lighting for
dramatic effect. In the words of Dave Barry: I am not making this up.
(The students reacted as one might expect-- they were initially awed but
soon grew cocky as this new Head seemingly was incapable of backing up
his words with action, and one glorious day they hijacked the sound
system and played the Star Wars Imperial March when Nigel walked out on
stage-- it was all I could do to keep from doubling over with laughter)
Nigel was a formidable presence-- he had a hawkish face of about fifty-
something with gold-rimmed front teeth, a trim, sinewy figure honed by
daily exercises in the weight room, and a stern tone, but he was socially
awkward and didn't fit in with the other staff, so he avoided them and
hid in his office. During staff meetings he would casually chastise the
staff as a parent would a small child, which infuriated everybody. He
kept the board happy with talk of a huge, bright future with a school
doubled in size (not to mention a huge new house for himself on the
school grounds) but he increased enrollment *without* the required space,
making formerly cozy classes crammed with students (would you pay $8
grand a year for a class size of 30 students??) and doubling the
workloads of the teachers while giving us a measely 2% pay hike, which
barely covered inflation.
In the meantime he emphasized athletic achievement over all else,
parading students who had won trophies in rugby or rowing up and down the
stage every assembly. The sad thing was that the *overall* athletic
achievement of the school went _down_, and this was because of the lack
of enthusiasm of the kids to this new, military-school type sports
program (he had the grade 8's on the rugby field, not by choice, at 6 am
twice a week, with negligible results)
And while he was failing to make an impact in athletics, he was
constantly taking kids *out* of their acaedemic classes so they could go
to more sports tournaments. Surprise, test scores went down because kids
were missing so many classes. Guess who got the blame for that? That's
right, the teachers. (It's easy to blame teachers for every problem in
the world-- they can't fight back for fear of losing their job!)
And the worst crime of all-- the discipline problem, ostensibly what
Nigel was hired to eradicate, got TEN times worse. Good teachers with 15
years of experience were hiding in their offices in the foetal position.
Students who broke rules (they crashed the computer network with WinNuke,
an episode which I prevented from reoccuring, they put glue in the main
locks, they poured sand on the front lawn, they even took Nigel's office
door sign and _presented_ it to him at graduation!) were given a slap on
the wrist, not expelled, which only made them bolder.
And me? I left. I got sick (I wasn't the only one-- in my short, 2-year
tenure there was one death, one suicide, one heart attack, and three
stress-related collapses, and that wasn't even including me!) and I took
my 2 months disability pay and got healthier than I'd ever been in my
life. Nigel wrote me a terse, emotionless letter saying that he found
someone to fill my position. My colleagues (and many of my students!)
privately asked me when I was coming back.
I said I wasn't. And when I cashed a cheque for 50 hours of
programming work that exceeded my monthly income at the school, I knew
that I didn't have to. Ever.
Anyway, that's why I hate New Zealand. I hope you enjoyed the story. :)
--
Jeremy "Getu" Reimer
jrei...@home.com
http://members.home.net/jreimeris
AOL must be destroyed.
Thingfishhhh
jrei...@home.com (Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer) wrote:
> So Nigel was still the new guy, and the longtimers treated him with
> either fear (for their jobs) or mild contempt. Nigel responded with
> coldness and anger, but little real action. He reorganized the
> administration so that he had two lackeys to do all the real work and
> take all the blame, then insisted on three (THREE!) formal, full-school
> assemblies per week, with the red carpet and formal lectern with the
> crest, and him in a black robe and cape, swooping in *after* the deputy
> head had gotten the place quiet, with deliberate lowered lighting for
> dramatic effect.
Ever since Monty Python's "Meaning of Life", I can't see a guy in
Headmaster duds without the lines going through my head "You don't go
*stampeding* for the clitoris, boy! Give her a little kiss!", and it's all
I can do to stop cracking up.
Great story, though - one that seems to be universal to all companies and
fields these days. I've seen it a thousand times, and will keep seeing it
as I go on.
JohnC
[deleted]
>Anyway, that's why I hate New Zealand. I hope you enjoyed the story. :)
That was a fascinating story, but what has it to do with New Zealand?
--
JohnC | queer person | jo...@chicagonet.net | ICQ 8543232
Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer
229.wnck11.pacbell.net>, Thingf...@yahoo.net says...
> In article <MPG.12064e62d...@news.supernews.com>,
> jrei...@home.com (Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer) wrote:
>
> > either fear (for their jobs) or mild contempt. Nigel responded with
> > coldness and anger, but little real action. He reorganized the
> > administration so that he had two lackeys to do all the real work and
> > take all the blame, then insisted on three (THREE!) formal, full-school
> > assemblies per week, with the red carpet and formal lectern with the
> > crest, and him in a black robe and cape, swooping in *after* the deputy
> > head had gotten the place quiet, with deliberate lowered lighting for
> > dramatic effect.
>
> Headmaster duds without the lines going through my head "You don't go
> *stampeding* for the clitoris, boy! Give her a little kiss!", and it's all
> I can do to stop cracking up.
<grin> I had forgotten about that sketch.
> Great story, though - one that seems to be universal to all companies and
> fields these days. I've seen it a thousand times, and will keep seeing it
> as I go on.
Yes, sadly enough. Stupidity and hubris all in one glorious combination,
and these are the people put in _charge_. *sigh*....
Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer
jo...@nospam.chicagonet.net says...
> In article <MPG.12064e62d...@news.supernews.com>,
> jrei...@home.com (Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer) wrote:
>
>
> >Anyway, that's why I hate New Zealand. I hope you enjoyed the story. :)
>
Oh, sorry, I forgot to add that Nigel Toy came from New Zealand, where he
was headmaster of a private school. He was headhunted and came to
Canada, but he refused to admit that Canada might be different in some
way from New Zealand.
Eric Bennett
jrei...@home.com (Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer) wrote:
> In article <johnc-26079...@pppsl886.chicagonet.net>,
> jo...@nospam.chicagonet.net says...
> > In article <MPG.12064e62d...@news.supernews.com>,
> > jrei...@home.com (Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer) wrote:
> >
> > [deleted]
> >
> > >Anyway, that's why I hate New Zealand. I hope you enjoyed the story. :)
> >
> > That was a fascinating story, but what has it to do with New Zealand?
>
> Oh, sorry, I forgot to add that Nigel Toy came from New Zealand, where he
> was headmaster of a private school. He was headhunted and came to
> Canada, but he refused to admit that Canada might be different in some
> way from New Zealand.
Did he go looking for huge sheep herds in the Yukon?
--
Eric Bennett (www.pobox.com/~ericb)
Department of Chemistry & Chemical Biology, Cornell University
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect,
even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
tinman
> In article <johnc-26079...@pppsl886.chicagonet.net>,
> jo...@nospam.chicagonet.net says...
> > In article <MPG.12064e62d...@news.supernews.com>,
> > jrei...@home.com (Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer) wrote:
> >
> > [deleted]
> >
> > >Anyway, that's why I hate New Zealand. I hope you enjoyed the story. :)
> >
> > That was a fascinating story, but what has it to do with New Zealand?
>
> Oh, sorry, I forgot to add that Nigel Toy came from New Zealand, where he
> was headmaster of a private school. He was headhunted and came to
> Canada, but he refused to admit that Canada might be different in some
> way from New Zealand.
So you hate the country that had the sense to drive him out?
--
______
tinman
Chris Pott
er...@pobox.com (Eric Bennett) wrote:
>> > >Anyway, that's why I hate New Zealand. I hope you enjoyed the story. :)
>> >
>> > That was a fascinating story, but what has it to do with New Zealand?
>>
>> Oh, sorry, I forgot to add that Nigel Toy came from New Zealand, where he
>> was headmaster of a private school. He was headhunted and came to
>> Canada, but he refused to admit that Canada might be different in some
>> way from New Zealand.
>
>Did he go looking for huge sheep herds in the Yukon?
He didn't have to... he was headmaster of a private school.
::groan::
--
Chris Pott
cp...@excite.com
Dean Bromley
>
> > >Anyway, that's why I hate New Zealand. I hope you enjoyed the story. :)
> >
>
> Oh, sorry, I forgot to add that Nigel Toy came from New Zealand,
In other words, absolutely nothing.
Eric Bennett
> Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer wrote:
> >
> > > >Anyway, that's why I hate New Zealand. I hope you enjoyed the story. :)
> > >
> > > That was a fascinating story, but what has it to do with New Zealand?
> >
> > Oh, sorry, I forgot to add that Nigel Toy came from New Zealand,
>
> In other words, absolutely nothing.
So now all you need to do is find one jerk from Canada and then you'll be
able to hate Canada. Hmmm...
Dean Bromley
>
> > > >Anyway, that's why I hate New Zealand. I hope you enjoyed the story. :)
> > >
> >
> > was headmaster of a private school. He was headhunted and came to
> > Canada, but he refused to admit that Canada might be different in some
> > way from New Zealand.
>
You'd think from the way people from overseas act, they think we all
have a herd roaming around in the back yard or something. The only time
I ever see a sheep is if I travel between towns.
Eric Bennett
>
> Eric Bennett wrote:
> >
> > > > >Anyway, that's why I hate New Zealand. I hope you enjoyed the story. :)
> > > >
> > >
> > > Oh, sorry, I forgot to add that Nigel Toy came from New Zealand, where he
> > > was headmaster of a private school. He was headhunted and came to
> > > Canada, but he refused to admit that Canada might be different in some
> > > way from New Zealand.
> >
> > Did he go looking for huge sheep herds in the Yukon?
>
> You'd think from the way people from overseas act, they think we all
> have a herd roaming around in the back yard or something. The only time
> I ever see a sheep is if I travel between towns.
My roommate lived in NZ for about a year. He likes to talk about the
one-land roads (one lane for *both* directions!) and the stubborn sheep
that wander onto the road. Apparently they're not disturbed by a
honking horn... he told me it was necessary to actually bump the sheep
with the car to get them to move. His estimate was that you had to bump
30 or so sheep to get through the average roadblock. But apparently
this technique didn't work with cows; cows simply get mad and kick your
car, so you have to wait for them to move on their own.
--
Eric Bennett ( er...@pobox.com ; http://www.pobox.com/~ericb )
Field of Biochemistry, Cornell University
If our products failed as often as Windows 95, we'd have been
out of business long ago.
- Howard Selland, President, Aeroquip Corporation
Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer
tin...@unc.edu says...
> In article <MPG.1206c6ec5...@news.supernews.com>,
> jrei...@home.com (Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer) wrote:
>
> > In article <johnc-26079...@pppsl886.chicagonet.net>,
> > jo...@nospam.chicagonet.net says...
> > > In article <MPG.12064e62d...@news.supernews.com>,
> > > jrei...@home.com (Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer) wrote:
> > >
> > > [deleted]
> > >
> > >
> >
> > Oh, sorry, I forgot to add that Nigel Toy came from New Zealand, where he
> > was headmaster of a private school. He was headhunted and came to
> > Canada, but he refused to admit that Canada might be different in some
> > way from New Zealand.
>
Wow, I never thought about it that way. :)
Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer
<2A2BF986FCCA8184.D04295C1...@lp.airnews.net>,
cp...@excite.com says...
> >> >
> >>
> >> Oh, sorry, I forgot to add that Nigel Toy came from New Zealand, where he
> >> was headmaster of a private school. He was headhunted and came to
> >> Canada, but he refused to admit that Canada might be different in some
> >> way from New Zealand.
> >
>
>
> ::groan::
The guy who normally does the rimshot is unable to complete his duties
due to massive groanal damage. :)
Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer
> Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer wrote:
> >
> > > >Anyway, that's why I hate New Zealand. I hope you enjoyed the story. :)
> > >
> >
> > Oh, sorry, I forgot to add that Nigel Toy came from New Zealand,
>
It's more than nothing, it's definitely *something*!
Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer
er...@pobox.com says...
> In article <379D315D...@ihug.co.nz>, dea...@ihug.co.nz wrote:
>
> > Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer wrote:
> > >
> > > >
> > >
> > > Oh, sorry, I forgot to add that Nigel Toy came from New Zealand,
> >
> > In other words, absolutely nothing.
>
>
> able to hate Canada. Hmmm...
It's too bad that Canada doesn't have any, then. ;)
Chris Pott
jrei...@home.com (Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer) wrote:
>In article <ericb-27079...@x3066.resnet.cornell.edu>,
>er...@pobox.com says...
>> In article <379D315D...@ihug.co.nz>, dea...@ihug.co.nz wrote:
>>
>> > Jeremy 'Getu' Reimer wrote:
>> > >
>> > > > >Anyway, that's why I hate New Zealand. I hope you enjoyed the
story. :)
>> > > >
>> > > > That was a fascinating story, but what has it to do with New Zealand?
>> > >
>> > > Oh, sorry, I forgot to add that Nigel Toy came from New Zealand,
>> >
>> > In other words, absolutely nothing.
>>
>>
>> So now all you need to do is find one jerk from Canada and then you'll be
>> able to hate Canada. Hmmm...
>
>It's too bad that Canada doesn't have any, then. ;)
Not true, if you believe the William Shatner scuttlebutt. ;)
--
Chris Pott
cp...@excite.com