The Guardian Endorses Jello Biafra for Mayor!
Dan Clore
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/smygo
http://www.sfbg.com/politics/2011/04/01/guardian-endorses-jello-biafra-mayor
The Guardian endorses: Jello Biafra for Mayor!
By rebecca
Created 04/01/2011 - 9:47am
Vote for Jello Biafra!
On every level, the San Francisco mayor’s race is critical. San
Franciscans will decide whether a fiscally conservative candidate backed
by downtown interests will continue Gavin Newsom’s legacy of gutting
critical services while refusing to raise taxes, or if a progressive
will lead the city into a new era.
San Francisco needs a mayor who is motivated not by campaign donations
from corporate fat cats, but by true San Francisco values. The city
needs some one who is ready to fight the war on fun, by boldly having
more fun than the warmongers can possibly stand.
What San Francisco needs is Jello Biafra. In a rare early endorsement,
the Guardian has thrown its support behind Biafra for mayor. Formerly
the lead singer of legendary punk rock group the Dead Kennedys, he is
now the front man of Jello Biafra and the Guantanamo School of Medicine.
In 1979, Biafra ran for mayor against former Mayor Dianne Feinstein and
former state Sen. Quentin Kopp. His campaign motto was There’s Always
Room for Jello.
“I am honored,” Biafra said when he was notified that he had received
the Guardian’s endorsement for mayor. “After all, how could I be any
worse than the last elected mayor, who turned out to be a horrible
Frankenstein of Dianne Feinstein, Gray Davis and Tom Cruise?”
Biafra went on to talk about his campaign platform. “I would immediately
reverse all [Newsom’s] mean-spirited, bigoted, anti-homeless laws, and
instead hire all the panhandlers to work for the city on a 50 percent
commission to help balance the budget,” he said.
Biafra said San Francisco could take a cue from Austin, Texas for
another revenue-generating measure. “I would … declare the outlying
strip on 11th and Folsom to be a music district, like they did on Sixth
Street in Austin Texas, instead of having the police harass them and
shut them down. This has brought in a huge amount of tax revenue for
Austin, by the way.”
As part of this plan, the city could “use the revenue to buy back KUSF
for the people of the city,” he added.
Biafra has a refreshing approach to ending police misconduct and
promoting reform within the San Francisco Police Department. “Police
officers should be an elected position,” he told the Guardian. “Every
four years, you run for election, voted on by the district you patrol.
You couldn’t just run off and hide in Novato after beating and shooting
people anymore.”
An honest mayoral candidate, Biafra doesn’t pull any punches – not even
when it comes to criticizing the Guardian, which has been the only
publication to endorse his campaign so far. “I think the Guardian blew
it when they came out against the initiative to rename our sewage plant
after George W. Bush,” he said. “I think that would be a great idea.
I’ll bring that one back, too.”
Rather than minimum wage, Biafra would like to implement a maximum wage,
which has been proposed by the California Green Party.
"What should the wage be? Let’s be generous: Two hundred grand, and then
you’re done,” Biafra decided. “You can live really well on that kind of
money. Everything else goes back to the public purse, and you’ve got
schools, you’ve got health care for everybody, transportation for
everybody, people can even go to law school on the public’s dime – and
why not? I mean, what about just giving some of that money back to
people who didn’t make the $200,000 and guarantee people income, instead
of talking about welfare cheats?”
When he ran for mayor in 1979, Biafra generated a great deal of
attention with his proposal to require businessmen to wear clown suits
between the hours of nine and five. But he said this required some
explanation: “This is only in downtown,” he noted, “because this is a
response to Feinstein’s campaign to clean up Market Street. She meant
the Tenderloin, I meant downtown where Chevron and Bechtel and Bank of
America and the other looters hold court.”
Biafra said he also planned to bring back another proposal from his
first mayoral bid: “Create a board of bribery, to set fair standards and
public rates for liquor licenses, building code exemptions, police
protection, and most importantly, protection from the police,” he explained.
As for the re-naming of Candlestick Park, Biafra had a flash of
inspiration during his endorsement interview. “Isn’t there those little
bags of junk food under the brand Emperor Norton for, you know, dried
bread chips and stuff? How about, if they’re going to sell off the name
Candlestick Park -- or for that matter, finally name our baseball
stadium after something other than a phone company -- how about Emperor
Norton Park?” Biafra suggested.
Vote for Jello Biafra for Mayor of San Francisco. After all, as he told
us, “I would definitely be better than the last elected mayor. Then
again, so would a cockroach.”
Vote early, vote often, and vote like your city depended on it!
P.S.: If Jello Biafra doesn’t win, we’ll kill ourselves.
Jello Biafra and the Guantanamo School of Medicine will launch their
latest album, Enhanced Methods of Questioning, at Slim's on June 4.
April Fool's. Kinda.
--
Dan Clore
New book: _Weird Words: A Lovecraftian Lexicon_:
http://tinyurl.com/yd3bxkw
My collected fiction: _The Unspeakable and Others_
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-unspeakable-and-others/6124911
Lord Weÿrdgliffe & Necronomicon Page:
http://tinyurl.com/292yz9
News & Views for Anarchists & Activists:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/smygo
Skipper: Professor, will you tell these people who is
in charge on this island?
Professor: Why, no one.
Skipper: No one?
Thurston Howell III: No one? Good heavens, this is anarchy!
-- _Gilligan's Island_, episode #6, "President Gilligan"
Tian
> News & Views for Anarchists & Activists:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/smygo
>
> http://www.sfbg.com/politics/2011/04/01/guardian-endorses-jello-biafra-mayor
>
> The Guardian endorses: Jello Biafra for Mayor!
> By rebecca
> Created 04/01/2011 - 9:47am
> Vote for Jello Biafra!
>
> On every level, the San Francisco mayor’s race is critical. San
> Franciscans will decide whether a fiscally conservative candidate backed
> by downtown interests will continue Gavin Newsom’s legacy of gutting
> critical services while refusing to raise taxes, or if a progressive
> will lead the city into a new era.
>
>
> Vote for Jello Biafra for Mayor of San Francisco. After all, as he told
> us, “I would definitely be better than the last elected mayor. Then
> again, so would a cockroach.”
>
> Vote early, vote often, and vote like your city depended on it!
>
> Jello Biafra and the Guantanamo School of Medicine will launch their
> latest album, Enhanced Methods of Questioning, at Slim's on June 4.
>
> April Fool's. Kinda.
>
--
Tian
http://tian.greens.org
Latest addition: Pictures of and words about Saturdays SF Peace March.
The red security brick is on an HI quarter as of 4/3.