Chishti translation
Ibrahim Gamard
You asked my opinion of a translation of Rumi's Ode 441 by Hakim
Chishti, from his book, "The Companions of Angels," 1998, which he (or
someone from his organization) posted on the alt.sufi newsgroup on Sept.
2, 1998. You
asked if I knew of him. Years ago I bought his book, "The Book of Sufi
Healing" (1985), for which he is best known. In that book, he published
his shajarah, or "tree" of transmission, in the Sābiriyyah line of the
Chishtiyyah Order of Sufis and listed his full name as Shaykh Hakim Abu
Abdullah Ghulam Moinuddin al-Chishtiyyah, al-Sabiriyyah,
al-Naqhshbandiyyah, al-Qadiriyyah, al-Rizaqiyyah. According to this book
he is an American, who began a very rich
correspondence in 1968 with his sufi shaykh, Hazrat Maulana Sufi
Wahiduddin Begg, of India (d. 1979)--a name familiar to me since many
years ago (as the author of "The Big Five of Sufism in India"-- about
the five major
Chishtiyya sufi saints). He also traveled to Afghanistan during that
period, where he studied healing sciences and dream interpretation under
various Sufi personages, plus a study of Islamic jurisprudence. He
referred to his present shaykh, Syed Safdar Ali Shah Chishti, of Lahore,
Pakistan. He is listed on the cover as the author of many books on
various aspects of natural medicine, and is "a former Fulbright research
scholar, having compiled the first English translation of several
classic Persian texts on healing."
I also checked his website (chishti.com), which mentions three
forthcoming volumes on healing, as well as a list of Urdu and Persian
books connected to the Chishtiyya Sufi Order. The telephone area code
shows that his organization is
in the Ithaca, New York, area.
I know of him only from this one book (of Sufi Healing), in which he
did an excellent job of explaining why sufism is not separate from
Islam-- at a time when there was much more resistance to accepting this
in America than there is
today. He sounds to me to be a legitimate Muslim sufi shaykh, or guide.
He clearly knows Persian, but his translation shows that his
knowledge of classical Persian is not adequate for the task. He seems
not to have used dictionaries to translate the poem (absolutely
necessary in order to understand many of the older meanings of Persian
words, literary references, idiomatic meanings, as well as the many
Arabic words Rumi
uses). He failed to check what previous translators have done with the
poem. In this respect he is like some Iranians who assume that they can
translate Rumi on their own, because (modern) Persian is their native
language. Plus, he made
the mistake of publishing his translations without obtaining feedback
and corrections from a person well trained in classical Persian poetry.
(This is why I'm so fortunate to be able to collaborate and consult with
Professor Farhadi.) So, unfortunately, his translation has quite a few
errors, and he tends to miss some of the clear images and contrasts in
the lines. Sometimes he glosses lines; other times he is too literal--
an inconsistent approach that doesn't work well.
I am able to give fairly solid feedback on this ghazal because it
was translated so accurately by Arberry ("Mystical Poems of Rumi," 1968,
number 51), and because I have Nicholson's helpful footnotes on this
poem ("Selected Poems
from the Dīvāni Shamsi Tabrīz," 1898, 1977; number 16; footnotes on
pages 241-47; with Persian text, which was based on a poorer selection
of manuscripts, resulting in some differences. In contrast, Arberry has
just a few notes. You mentioned that it was also translated by Nadir
Khalili ("Rumi, Fountain of Fire," 1994, pp. 22-23).
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Here is Rumi's "Ode 441 from Kulliyat-e Diwani Shemsi Tabriz, translated
by Hakim Chishti," together with my comments:
##First, I notice that it is odd that he uses the Turkish spelling
Shemsi Tabriz, rather than the usual Arabo-Persian transliteration,
Shams.
Line 1: Show me your face, that garden of all the roses upon earth,
that I
desire to see,
Open your mouth, to taste every sweetness known is my desire.
##The text has "Open your lips" and "abundant sugar is my desire"--
meaning "I want to see you laugh and smile, by showing your teeth like
sugar (qand-- which was yellowish in those days, not white). He
misinterprets this standard
Persian poetic image.
Line 2: O the sun of beauty, come out of the clouds for a while
Because your glimmering face is my desire.
##Okay. A play on Shams' name, since this Persian word for sun (āftāb) =
the Arabic word (shams).
Line 3: He skips. Arberry: "Out of your air I heard the sound of the
falcon-drum; I returned, for the sultan's forearm is my desire."
Nicholson gives two explanations for falcon-drum: it was used to startle
water-fowl, which were then
attacked by the falcon; it was used to signal the falcon to return to
the huntsman. The image of the trained falcon returning to the forearm
of the king is frequent in Rumi's poetry.
Line 4: He said from pride, "Don't annoy me, Go away!"
That saying of yours, 'don't annoy me', is my desire.
##Okay (except for the typo of not capitalizing "don't").
Line 5: You who said one time, "Go away the king is not home,"
That Keeper of glorification and anger is my desire.
## The second half is in error, confuses the line, and appears to be the
result of an uninformed guess. The text has "doorkeeper" (darbān), whose
"mighty airs and brusqueness... are my desire" (Arberry's trans.)
intimate that the
doorkeeper is actually the "king" who is attempting to drive away the
devoted lover.
Line 6: He skips. Arberry: "In the hand of everyone who exists there are
filings of beauty; that quarry of elegance and that mine are my desire."
Here, "fragments (of gold)" would be clearer than "filings." A variant
of Rumi's frequent
"gems and the mine" images.
Line 7: The bread and water of this world is shifting like a false
flood,
I'm a fish, a big fish, the sea of Oman is my desire.
##"False flood" is an error. The text has "treacherous torrent"
(Arberry's trans.), or "deceitful/faithless flood" (sayl... bź-wafā).
Means an unexpected catastrophe, which doesn't faze the lover, who
adapts like a fish. "Of this world"
misses the meaning of "charkh" (literally, "wheel," and linguistically
related to the Sanscrit word chakra) -- "heaven's wheel" (Arberry's
trans.) which is an image of planetary fate: "the petty doles of
fortune" (Nicholson's note). Arberry's note explains that the sea of
Oman is the southern part of the Persian Gulf, and symbolizes the Divine
Ocean.
Line 8: Like Jacob, father of Joseph, I regret all the time.
The beautiful face of Joseph is my desire.
##"regret" is too weak here. The intense grief of Jacob for Joseph is in
the Qu'rān (12:84), and an image frequently used by Rumi to symbolize
the lover's passionate yearning for the beloved (which in turn
symbolizes the mystic's yearning for nearness to God).
Line 9: I swear to God without you, this town is like a prison to me
Wandering through mountains and deserts is my desire.
##Okay.
Line 10: I am afflicted by these faithless companions
Rustam, lion of God, hero of kings, is my desire.
##"faithless" is incorrect. The text has "weak-spirited" (Arberry's and
Nicholson's trans.), which contrasts with the legendary strength of the
warrior-hero Rustam. "Hero of kings" is incorrect. There are two figures
mentioned here, "the Lion of God" is a well-known title of the heroic
'Ali, the cousin and son-in-law of the Prophet Muhammad, plus Rustam,
whose complex title Arberry avoids by simply quoting in Persian
"Rustam-i Dastān." Nicholson explains that this means Rustam, son of
Zāl, and that Zāl was given the name "Dastān" by the Simurgh according
to Persian mythology.
Nicholson states that both heroes are "types of the divine perfection"
here.
Line 11: My body and soul become listless, like Feran and his cruelty
The light of the face of Moses is my desire.
##"Feran" is a surprising error for a Muslim translator to make, since
this is Pharaoh, named as "Far'ūn" in the Qur'ān. Both Arberry and
Nicholson translate clearly as "Pharaoh". The Quranic story of the
struggles between Moses and
Pharaoh are frequently referred to in Rumi's poetry. The text has "My
soul is sick of Pharaoh and his tyranny" (Arberry's trans.), "My soul is
grown weary of..." (Nicholson's trans.). The text says in simple
Persian, "because of
Pharaoh and his cruelty"-- not "like Pharaoh." Nicholson points out that
the Arabic word for cruelty (zulm), is similar to the Arabic word for
darkness (zulmat), which led the poet to mention "light"-- another
contrast between Moses and Pharaoh.
Line 12: I am sad from all these weeping people, full of complaint
The ecstatic voices of those annihilated by God is my desire.
##The second half is a decent mystical interpretation, however, the text
has "that ranting and roaring of the drunkards" (Arberry's trans.), "the
drunkards' wailing and lamentation" (Nicholson's trans.). Chishti here
helps the average reader
not to misinterpret "drunkards" by providing the spiritual meaning. This
is because the most common misunderstanding that Westerners have about
Persian sufi poetry concerns the metaphors about wine and drunkenness--
which symbolize mystical states of love. Here, I have to say that
Khalili errs badly with this line, where he translates, "i am blue
hearing nagging voices and meek cries/ I desire loud music drunken
parties and wild dances." This is a sell-out to readers in their
twenties, and furthers the misunderstanding-- by a native Persian
speaker who surely know better. This propagates existing stereotypes:
"The Muslim fundamentalists can't drink wine, but the sufis..." The
"roaring and wailing" of the sufis in Rumi's poem refers to outbursts of
longing for God during the samā'-- a gathering in which ecstatic
mystical love poetry is recited, accompanied by musical instruments,
such as a reed-flute and a drum. The spiritual agitation of the
listeners would lead some to spontaneous movement, including whirling.
Line 13: I am more talkative than a nightingale, but the people envy me,
Though now a seal is on my mouth, the one who weeps from loving God
is
my desire.
##"talkative" is too literal a translation here. Both Arberry and
Nicholson have "eloquent." This refers to the eloquence of the
nightingale's songs of love to the rose. Obviously, it is the parrot
who is associated with being talkative, not the
nightingale. "Weeps" is too quiet for the word in the text, "afghān,"
which means lamenting, groaning, crying out-- an image which compliments
the passionate outbursts of the nightingale. Arberry translates,
"lamentation is my desire."
Line 14: An old man yesterday, towards dusk came through the town with a
lantern,
Saying, "I am sick of the animals and devils, humankind is my
desire."
##"humankind" is a good guess, but is incorrect here, because this is a
classical reference to the ancient anecdote of Diogenes Laertius, in
which the wise elder was seeking "a man." (And Khalili knew or guessed
correctly here, by
translating "a true human.") Rumi referred to this in a story in the
Mathnawi (Book 5, 1887-2911): "I am searching everywhere for a man that
is alive with the life inspired by that (Divine) Breath" (Nicholson's
trans., line 2890).
Line 15: They heard him and said, "It can't be found, we've looked."
He said, "That which can't be found is my desire."
##"It can't be found" and "that which can't be found" should be "He
can't be found" and "He who can't be found is my
desire." This line continues the idea of the previous line.
Line 16: Although I am penniless, I cannot accept the ruby of wisdom
Because the mine of rubies that are rare and cheap is my desire.
##"ruby of wisdom" is too spiritualized here. The text has "agate" or
"carnelian," meaning a precious jewel, which contrasts with being
penniless. "Cheap" is too literal. This is the obvious and common
meaning. Few Persian speakers
would know that it also used to mean the opposite: "worthy," (which is
in only one of my dictionaries). Arberry has "rare and precious."
Line 17: Hidden from vision, all visions are from Him,
That which is seen in the Hidden is my desire.
##"all visions" is incorrect. Arberry has "all things seen." "that which
is seen in the Hidden" is also incorrect, as well as unclear. Nicholson
has "I desire that hidden One..." and Arberry has "that hidden one
manifest in works is my desire." In his notes, Nicholson quotes from the
Mathnawi (Book II: 759-60): "the Worker is hidden in the workshop: go
you and in the workshop see Him plain. Inasmuch as the work has woven a
veil over the Worker, you cannot see Him outside of that work."
Line 18: He skips. Arberry has, "My state has gone beyond every desire
and yearning; from mine and place to the elements is my desire." The
second half of the line involves word plays. I think that Nicholson
translates better: "toward
the Essentials" rather than Arberry's "to the elements."
Line 19: He skips: Arberry has, "My ear heard the tale of faith and
became drunk; where is the portion of sight? The form of faith is my
desire."
Line 20: In one hand I hold the cup of wine, in the other the curls of
my
beloved
Dancing right in the middle of an open field forever is my
desire.
##The word "forever" is not in the text and adds an unrealism to a
physical image. Again, the reader is supposed to know that the lover is
not dancing because of alcoholic wine.
Line 21: That one rubab alone says that people are waiting,
I'm quiet. The Guiding Hand of heaven strumming me is my desire.
##"people are waiting" is incorrect. The correct translation is, "The
lute says, 'I am dead because of expectation.'" The Persian letters
"mrdm" are to be read "mord-am" (dead I am), not "mardom," (people).
Rumi uses the same Arabic word for expectation (in Ode 455 ): "...for by
Allah, there is no death worse than expectancy" (Arberry's translation,
number 54). The second half of the line is completely wrong. The lute
continues speaking: "...the hand and bosom and plectrum of 'Uthmān are
my desire." Arberry explains that this 'Uthmān was the name of a
contemporary minstrel.
Line 22: I'm the instrument of Love, and Love plays me,
The loving plucks of the hand of the Compassionate One is my
desire.
##The word "instrument" is weak here. The correct translation is,
continuing the theme of the previous line: "I am Love's lute, and also
Love is my lute player!"
Line 23: O clever singer, consider the rest as it is thus far,
This poem going on forever is my desire.
##The first half is translated too vaguely, and it makes no sense as a
request for the singer to consider or think about something other than
to sing more. Arberry has: "Cunning minstrel, number the rest of this
ode after this fashion, for it
is after this fashion that I desire." This expresses the wish that the
minstrel continue playing according to the same rhythm. Again, the word
"forever" is not in the text.
Line 24: O Shems, pride of Tabriz, show me the day of sunrise
I am the ringdove, flying into the presence of Solomon my
desire.
##"show me the day of sunrise" is incorrect. Arberry has. "Show your
face from the east, Sun of the Pride of Tabriz." The word "shams" of
course means sun and refers to Shams. The word "hudhud" does not mean a
ringdove, but is a
Quranic word meaning the bird called hoopoe, and refers to the story
about Solomon and the hoopoe (27:20-31).
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Here is Arberry's full translation:
Show your face, for the orchard and rosegarden are my desire; open
your lips, for abundant sugar is my desire.
Sun of beauty, come forth one moment out of the cloud, for that
glittering, glowing countenance is my desire.
Out of your air I heard the sound of the falcon-drum; I returned,
for the sultan's forearm is my desire.
You said capriciously, "Trouble me no more; be gone!" That saying of
yours, "Trouble me no more," is my desire,
And your repulse, "Be gone, the king is not at home," and those
mighty airs and brusqueness of the doorkeeper, are my desire.
In the hand of every one who exists there are filings of beauty;
that quarry of elegance and that mine are my desire.
This bread and water of heaven's wheel are like a treacherous
torrent; I am a fish, a leviathan, Oman is my desire.
Like Jacob I am crying alas, alas; the fair visage of Joseph of
Canaan is my desire.
By Allah, without you the city is a prison for me; I wander abroad,
mountain and desert are my desire.
My heart is weary of these weak-spirited fellow-travellers; the
Lion of God and Rustam-i Dastān are my desire.
My soul is sick of Pharaoh and his tyranny; that light of the
countenance of Moses son of 'Imrān is my desire.
I am aweary of these tearful people so full of complaining; that
ranting and roaring of the drunkards is my desire.
I am more eloquent than the nightingale, but because of vulgar envy
a seal is on my tongue, and lamentation is my desire.
Last night the shaikh went all about the city, lamp in hand, crying,
"I am weary of beast and devil, a man is my desire."
They said, "He is not to be found, we too have searched." He
answered, "He who is not to be found is my desire."
Though I am penniless, I will not accept a small carnelian, for that
rare, precious carnelian is my desire.
Hidden from every eye, and all things seen are from Him-- that
hidden One manifest in works is my desire.
My state has gone beyond every desire and yearning; from mine and
place to the elements is my desire.
My ear heard the tale of faith and became drunk; where is the
portion of sight? The form of faith is my desirel
In one hand the windup, in the other the Beloved's curl-- to dance
so in the midst of the arena is my desire.
That rebeck says, "I am dead of expectation; the hand and bosom and
plectrum of 'Uthmān are my desire."
I am at once Love's rebeck, and Love is my rebeck-player; those
favours of the plucking of the All-merciful are my desire.
Cunning minstrel, number the rest of this ode after this fashion,
for it is after this fashion I desire.
Show you face from the east, Sun of the Pride of Tabriz; I am the
hoopoe, the presence of solomon is my desire.
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In sum, Mr. Chishti reveals himself as someone who probably thought
he knew enough Persian to translate better than the popular versions
that have sold so well. If only he had, at the least, used Steingass'
Persian-English Dictionary
before publishing, he would have done so much better.
as-salāmu 'alaykum,
Ibrahim Gamard.