The Fabulous Poetry of Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings
AmbushBug4
Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings is a survivor, a unique voice, an American icon,
an annoying little bitch. She has survived numerous muggings and at least one
sex-change operation, which is more than can be said for those present at one
of her public poetry readings. Now, for the first time on record, her genius
can be revealed. Enjoy.
The Ugly Swan
The ugly swan lay in the stagnant pool.
It lay. It coughed. It turned
Around occasionally.
Bits of feather dropped off it from
Time to time.
Oh, why is the world so
Cruel?
Cruel?
Tire-iron.
The Other Ugly Swan
The other ugly swan lay in the stagnant pool.
It lay. It coughed. It looked
Around occasionally.
The first ugly swan looked at it
With suspicion.
Why must people die
In Illinois?
Oar.
Death of an Ugly Swan
The ugly swan
Died.
Once.
The other swans watched it
As it died.
They were also fairly ugly.
Tears unspoken.
What a hole.
Death of a Few More Ugly Swans
(Including, but not limited to, the "Other Ugly
Swan" mentioned in a previous poem of
the same title)
The dead swans lay in the stagnant pool.
They lay. They rotted. They turned
Around occassionally.
Bits of flesh dropped off them from
Time to time.
And sank into the pool's mire.
They also smelt a great deal.
The Interminal Blackness of the World
(Now that all the Ugly Swans Are Dead)
The stagnant pool lay
Fairly empty.
Empty-ish.
The ugly swans had sunk to the
Bottom.
Oh, why is the world so
Cruel?
Cruel?
Cruel?
What is that smell?
Smell?
I think I'll go someplace else for lunch.
Send all Comments and Plastic Explosives to:
Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings
37 WASP Villas
Greenbridge, Essex
GB10 1LL
| | Garrett Gilchrist AKA Ambus...@aol.com
| | AKA Dunny, Lord of Spam, choral director
.. _| \ for the court of King Brian the Wild
'( .-._____) Do Visit :
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Paul Andinach
name for publicity reasons?
Paul
--
"You have to be, not only in R'lyeh, but in R'lyeh when the stars
are right. Then all you have to do is open a big door. And get
killed, natch."
- J. B. Lee, on summoning Cthulhu
Chris Georgiou - TZOTZIOY
(AmbushBug4) might have written:
>
>Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings is a survivor, a unique voice, an American icon,
>an annoying little bitch. She has survived numerous muggings and at least one
>sex-change operation, which is more than can be said for those present at one
>of her public poetry readings. Now, for the first time on record, her genius
>can be revealed. Enjoy.
>
>The Ugly Swan
>
>The ugly swan lay in the stagnant pool.
>It lay. It coughed. It turned
>Around occasionally.
>Bits of feather dropped off it from
>Time to time.
>Oh, why is the world so
>Cruel?
>Cruel?
>Tire-iron.
>
<snip of accordingly magnificent poetry>
I LOVED IT! WOW! Excellent...
Is this really PNM? Where can I find her books? I'll pay anything to
get them! I don't care how much they cost, I'll sell my damn soul if
need be.
excerpt from THHGTTG, MCMXCVIII edition, under "Bibles, various":
"finally, after fifty Sol-3 years of careful study, the inspired soul ,
known only as <tzot> today, managed to write the historical best-seller
religiously respected:
Hitchhiking Vogon Spaceships
The Survivor's Guide"
--
Greetings from Greece, I speak England very best,
TZOTZIOY, just an earthbound misfit, I
ICQ# 13397953 (when e-mailing remove the obvious after the .com part)
Martin Harlow
<tz...@iname.com.byebye.spam> writes
>On 8 Jul 1998 03:18:21 GMT, rumours say that ambus...@aol.com
>(AmbushBug4) might have written:
>
>>
>>Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings is a survivor, a unique voice, an American icon,
>>an annoying little bitch. She has survived numerous muggings and at least one
>>sex-change operation, which is more than can be said for those present at one
>>of her public poetry readings. Now, for the first time on record, her genius
>>can be revealed. Enjoy.
>>
>
>I LOVED IT! WOW! Excellent...
>Is this really PNM? Where can I find her books? I'll pay anything to
>get them! I don't care how much they cost, I'll sell my damn soul if
>need be.
It looks to me a lot like the stuff which appears in the animation in
the tv series, which was actually knocked up in a hurry by DNA, iirc. As
previously mentioned, PNMJ was originally a bloke called Johnson whose
sense of humour was as extensive as his poetical talent, and forced the
name change. Or maybe he was a perfectly good poet who DNA didn't like.
Any more info out there?
ttfn
Martin
--
Mother Very Easily Made a Jam Sandwich Using No Peanuts, Mayonaise or Glue
Martin Harlow mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk
AmbushBug4
>It looks to me a lot like the stuff which appears in the animation in
>the tv series, which was actually knocked up in a hurry by DNA, iirc. As
>previously mentioned, PNMJ was originally a bloke called Johnson whose
>sense of humour was as extensive as his poetical talent, and forced the
>name change. Or maybe he was a perfectly good poet who DNA didn't like.
>Any more info out there?
>
>
Speaking as the guy who jsut wrote all that silly stuff ... ;)
In our teenage years some of us take to writing very bad "pty-me" poetry.
Depressing, awful stuff. The stuff of school literary magazines, that only gets
in cuz the writer and publisher are one and the same. Paul Neil Milne Johnson
was one of those. A schoolfriend of DNA's, he wrote some awful stuff in his
day, mostly regarding dying swans in stagnant pools. Hence when DNA's attention
turned (in the first episode of the radio series) to bad poetry his friend's
name just popped into mind.
No examples of Paul's actual poetry have been released, since Paul himslef
would not do such, and is probably a car mechanic somewhere now anyway, having
long since forgotten his poetic career.
The "official" HHG equivalent of Paul is now Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings,
essentially a female version of Paul. One of her poems (and her address, and a
drawing of her resembling DNA himself) appears in the TV series.
When I had to write a section about Paula for my HHG stage play (still
unperformed, but hopefully getting there, thanks for asking) I listed some
made-up names of her poems, being "The Ugly Swan," "Death of an Ugly Swan,"
"Death of a Few More Ugly Swans," and "The Interminable Blackness of the World
Now That All The Ugly Swans Are Dead."
Somehow, the whole silly thread about Paul's poetry, and being directed by web
route to the same damned TV series poem again, knocked my brain so far out of
sync that I went back, took that poem as a guide (it is also reproduced
verbatim as "Death of a Few More Ugly Swans), and wrote a whole slew of VERY
VERY BAD poetry.
The sex-change joke should be obvious.
There's no more to it than that, I swear! LOL ... perhaps now someone will
write a whole book of Grunthos the Flatulent, and it'll all snowball and we'll
all DIE of exposure to so much strangled verse.
The poems will appear in some form in the next update of my HHG graphical game
(which will probably be an interactive episode 1, in the end) .... I also
promise (I think) that you'll be able to personally shoot Paula Nancy.
Actually, she'd be getting on in years by now, wouldn't she?
The address is from the TV series. God only knows why.
Timothy Ross
> In article <35a34938...@147.102.222.230>, Chris Georgiou - TZOTZIOY
> <tz...@iname.com.byebye.spam> writes
> >On 8 Jul 1998 03:18:21 GMT, rumours say that ambus...@aol.com
> >(AmbushBug4) might have written:
> >
> >>
> >>Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings is a survivor, a unique voice, an American icon,
> >>an annoying little bitch. She has survived numerous muggings and at least one
> >>sex-change operation, which is more than can be said for those present at one
> >>of her public poetry readings. Now, for the first time on record, her genius
> >>can be revealed. Enjoy.
> >>
> ><snip of accordingly magnificent poetry>
> >
> >I LOVED IT! WOW! Excellent...
> >Is this really PNM? Where can I find her books? I'll pay anything to
> >get them! I don't care how much they cost, I'll sell my damn soul if
> >need be.
>
> It looks to me a lot like the stuff which appears in the animation in
> the tv series, which was actually knocked up in a hurry by DNA, iirc. As
> previously mentioned, PNMJ was originally a bloke called Johnson whose
> sense of humour was as extensive as his poetical talent, and forced the
> name change. Or maybe he was a perfectly good poet who DNA didn't like.
> Any more info out there?
>
> ttfn
>
> Martin
>
> --
> Mother Very Easily Made a Jam Sandwich Using No Peanuts, Mayonaise or Glue
>
> Martin Harlow mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk
His name was Paul Neil Meil Johnson (spelling may be off, but thats ok Im an
American). He was a roommate or friend or something of DNA who would write these
terribly bad poems about swans dying and stuff like that.It was changes to Paula for
the book when Paul complained.
(I think thats right)
TIm
>
magic...@my-dejanews.com
> Mother Very Easily Made a Jam Sandwich Using No Peanuts, Mayonaise or Glue
> ^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^
> Martin Harlow mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk
Ok, I could guess that the first 9 capitalised words stand for the 9
traditional planets in the solar system.... I thought there might have been a
10th, named Carla, or something stupid like that..... So, what exactly do
"Mayonaise" and "Glue" stand for?
magickality
"More dense than water."
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum
Trygve Sandven Håland
<6o2fo3$ocv$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>...
> Martin Harlow <mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>
>> Mother Very Easily Made a Jam Sandwich Using No Peanuts, Mayonaise or
Glue
>> ^^^^^^^^^
^^^^
>> Martin Harlow mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk
>
>Ok, I could guess that the first 9 capitalised words stand for the 9
>traditional planets in the solar system.... I thought there might have been
a
>10th, named Carla, or something stupid like that..... So, what exactly do
>"Mayonaise" and "Glue" stand for?
>
And how does Rupert (if I remember correctly) fit into this?
Trygve S. Håland
- If I don't remember correctly, this post will look very strange :)
HippieChick
>
> >
> >It looks to me a lot like the stuff which appears in the animation in
> >the tv series, which was actually knocked up in a hurry by DNA, iirc. As
> >previously mentioned, PNMJ was originally a bloke called Johnson whose
> >sense of humour was as extensive as his poetical talent, and forced the
> >name change. Or maybe he was a perfectly good poet who DNA didn't like.
> >Any more info out there?
> >
> >
>
My friend wrote a sonnet "by" Grunthos...I think I have it lying around
somewhere, it was pretty funny, despite the fact that my friend was too
good of a poet to write something quite as bad as would be expected.
Martin Harlow
dejanews.com writes
> Martin Harlow <mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>
>> Mother Very Easily Made a Jam Sandwich Using No Peanuts, Mayonaise or Glue
>> ^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^
>> Martin Harlow mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk
>
>Ok, I could guess that the first 9 capitalised words stand for the 9
>traditional planets in the solar system.... I thought there might have been a
>10th, named Carla, or something stupid like that..... So, what exactly do
>"Mayonaise" and "Glue" stand for?
I'll give you a day or two to work it out. If you already know, maybe
you could just post the (precise) source, cos I've forgotten!
ttfn
Martin
--
'On second thoughts, let's not go to Z'Ha'Dum. It is a silly place.'
Martin Harlow mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk
Jon Nelson
>
> In article <6o2fo3$ocv$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>, magickality@my-
> dejanews.com writes
> > Martin Harlow <mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk> wrote:
> >
> >> Mother Very Easily Made a Jam Sandwich Using No Peanuts, Mayonaise or Glue
> >> ^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^
> >> Martin Harlow mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk
> >
> >Ok, I could guess that the first 9 capitalised words stand for the 9
> >traditional planets in the solar system.... I thought there might have been a
> >10th, named Carla, or something stupid like that..... So, what exactly do
> >"Mayonaise" and "Glue" stand for?
>
> I'll give you a day or two to work it out. If you already know, maybe
> you could just post the (precise) source, cos I've forgotten!
>
[spoiler space]
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Isn't "Milky Way" and "Galaxy"? Dunno what the source was, though.
Jon
Martin Harlow
writes
>Martin Harlow wrote:
>>
>> In article <6o2fo3$ocv$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>, magickality@my-
>> dejanews.com writes
>> > Martin Harlow <mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>> >
>> >> Mother Very Easily Made a Jam Sandwich Using No Peanuts, Mayonaise or Glue
>> >> ^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^
>> >> Martin Harlow mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk
>> >
>> >Ok, I could guess that the first 9 capitalised words stand for the 9
>> >traditional planets in the solar system.... I thought there might have been a
>> >10th, named Carla, or something stupid like that..... So, what exactly do
>> >"Mayonaise" and "Glue" stand for?
>>
>> I'll give you a day or two to work it out. If you already know, maybe
>> you could just post the (precise) source, cos I've forgotten!
>>
>
>[spoiler space]
>
>
>Isn't "Milky Way" and "Galaxy"? Dunno what the source was, though.
>
>Jon
Nope.
Martin
--
'If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?'
Steven Wright
Martin Harlow mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk
Andrew R. Gillett
<199807080318...@ladder03.news.aol.com>, AmbushBug4
>
> Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings is a survivor, a unique voice, an American icon,
> an annoying little bitch. She has survived numerous muggings and at least one
> sex-change operation, which is more than can be said for those present at one
> of her public poetry readings. Now, for the first time on record, her genius
> can be revealed. Enjoy.
Hmmm. I think I read about her in this book I have got (she is said to be
the world's worst poet).
--
Andrew Gillett
http://argnet.fatal-design.com/
ICQ: 12142937
Lee Dixon
KieJ
ambus...@aol.com (AmbushBug4) writes:
>Send all Comments and Plastic Explosives to:
>
>Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings
>37 WASP Villas
>Greenbridge, Essex
>GB10 1LL
>
My poetry was better, erm.... probably. Lets have a vote :-), who is this woman
anyway, is she famous, just someone that likes writing peotry or what?
Kie,
"Life, don't talk to me about life."
The Saint
>
>My poetry was better, erm.... probably. Lets have a vote :-), who is this woman
>anyway, is she famous, just someone that likes writing peotry or what?
>
>Kie,
>
>
>"Life, don't talk to me about life."
yeah I got a copy of those poems off Kie first, so I say Kie's is
better (or worse depending on your point of view)
Andy.
"Say, thats a nice bike"
KieJ
writes:
>yeah I got a copy of those poems off Kie first, so I say Kie's is
>better (or worse depending on your point of view)
>
>Andy.
>
>
>"Say, thats a nice bike"
Perhaps 'cause you know me?
Kaare Fiedler Christiansen
All right, will you bloody well tell us!!
I don't suppose it's Magrathea and Golgafrincham, eh?
--
Kaare Fiedler Christiansen Kaa...@usa.net
Please add NOSPAM for sending spamletters :-)
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Thanks for reading this far and no I don't have anything better to do.
If you think I should get a life, why don't you email me one???
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Martin Harlow
<fie...@daimi.aau.dk> writes
>> >> > Martin Harlow <mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>> >> >
>> >> >> Mother Very Easily Made a Jam Sandwich Using No Peanuts, Mayonaise or
>Glue
>> >> >> ^^^^^^^^^
>^^^^
>
>I don't suppose it's Magrathea and Golgafrincham, eh?
Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, asteroids, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus,
Neptune, Pluto, Mickey, Goofy! I can't believe no one worked it out.
Triv king of the week award goes to Dop, who spotted that it's from
Robert Anton Wilson's "Schrodinger's Cat Trilogy".
ttfn
Martin
--
"I know a fellow started only last year with just a canoe...now he's got more
women than you can shake a stick at...if that's your idea of a good time."
Groucho Marx - Monkey Business
Martin Harlow mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk
Westley
>In article <199807080318...@ladder03.news.aol.com>,
>ambus...@aol.com (AmbushBug4) writes:
>
>>Send all Comments and Plastic Explosives to:
>>
>>Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings
>>37 WASP Villas
>>Greenbridge, Essex
>>GB10 1LL
>>
>
>My poetry was better, erm.... probably. Lets have a vote :-), who is this woman
>anyway, is she famous, just someone that likes writing peotry or what?
It seems like an old, bitter woman, with some hair on her face, who's
so bad in doing anything at all, that she needs a revenge. And this is
her (very effective) way to pay the world back for being such a
pathetic, ugly, friendless, hopeless, helpless, other-things-less
person.
I think this is described (rather bad) in her poetry - the ugly swans,
repeating herself, repeating herself, repeating herself, rep-- you got
it. I wonder what Gag Halfrunt would have to say about it.
alt.fan.p-n-m-j, here we come!
/\
||
((((((((===========Westley=====================-
||
\/
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Paul Andinach
> It seems like an old, bitter woman, with some hair on her face,
> who's so bad in doing anything at all, that she needs a revenge. And
> this is her (very effective) way to pay the world back for being
> such a pathetic, ugly, friendless, hopeless, helpless,
> other-things-less person.
> I think this is described (rather bad[ly]) in her poetry - the ugly
> swans, repeating herself, repeating herself, repeating herself,
> rep-- you got it. I wonder what Gag Halfrunt would have to say about
> it.
"Vell, Paula's just zis gal, you know?"
CrazyOne
<mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk> wrote:
> It looks to me a lot like the stuff which appears in the animation in
> the tv series, which was actually knocked up in a hurry by DNA, iirc. As
> previously mentioned, PNMJ was originally a bloke called Johnson whose
> sense of humour was as extensive as his poetical talent, and forced the
> name change. Or maybe he was a perfectly good poet who DNA didn't like.
> Any more info out there?
I presume you mean the *content* was knocked up in a hurry? The
"computer" animation certainly wasn't. It was done by hand in a very
computer-ish style.
CrazyOne <---
--
craz...@SPAMXcity.net.com | "I get all my ideas from a mail
Greg Pacek | order company in Indianapolis,
Pittsburgh, PA, USA, Earth | and I'm not telling who it is."
Tim Allen
>It seems like an old, bitter woman, with some hair on her face, who's
>so bad in doing anything at all, that she needs a revenge. And this is
>her (very effective) way to pay the world back for being such a
>pathetic, ugly, friendless, hopeless, helpless, other-things-less
>person.
>I think this is described (rather bad) in her poetry - the ugly swans,
>repeating herself, repeating herself, repeating herself, rep-- you got
>it. I wonder what Gag Halfrunt would have to say about it.
"I am thinkink that zis is perfectly normal behaviour for ein old,
bitter voman, no?"
Tim Allen
,----------------------------------------------------------------------------
| V. P. Screwtape | thri...@usa.net | http://www.ug.cs.su.oz.au/~tallen
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------
| "Woof!" said Timmy.
pisces
Martin Harlow
><mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>
>>Triv king of the week award goes to Dop, who spotted that it's from
>>Robert Anton Wilson's "Schrodinger's Cat Trilogy".
In article <35b02cba...@news.flash.net>, pisces
<jha...@cybergal.com> writes
>Is that the same guy who wrote _Schrodinger's Kittens_?
I think that was John Gribben, science and science fiction writer
(better at the former, imo). If it's the one I'm thinking of.
ttfn
Martin
--
'Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of' - Steven Wright
Martin Harlow mar...@freedonia.demon.co.uk
