Alt.fan.don-n-mike FAQ

[Chris Paulus]

Alt.fan.Don-n-Mike FAQ
Exclusively for alt.fan.don-n-mike
Basic structure written by : fra...@cais.com on May 1 1994.
Modified by Chris Paulus (cpa...@clark.net)
Last update: 06/02/96

So, how do I git it?
ftp: ftp.clark.net pub/cpaulus/dm.faq
http://www.clark.net/pub/cpaulus/dm.faq
NOTE: Use the URL above to get the most up-to-date version, as I modify
this document on an as as-needed basis.

http://davids.com/david/dnm.html
http://www.lmg.com/zeus/donmike.html
Sounds & things at: http://www.access.digex.net/~the_tick/buzz.html
another d&m page at: http://www.mtcnet.net/~hoekstra/dnmsnd.html

Illustrated version available at: http://www.jgvandyke.com/~jrc/dnm
(created by JR Conlin)

Also, Phil Casella (ph...@casella.reno.nv.us) has a web page about the show
at URL:
http://www.lookup.com/Homepages/83084/home.html

or send me mail with subject of "FAQ" and I'll send you a copy.

Table of Contents
1.00 Introduction
2.00 Major Players
3.00 Background Players
4.00 The Listeners
5.00 History
6.00 Mike's Voices
7.00 (In)Famous stories
8.00 Terms and Definitions
9.00 Games People Play / Recurring Bits
10.00 Other Information
11.00 **SPECIAL THANKS TO THE FOLLOWING**

1.00 Introduction

Don Geronimo and Mike O'Meara have been entertaining their radio
audiences for 9+ years (12/15/85). They have amassed a huge following in
Washington D.C. where they started. This FAQ hopes to answer some of the
questions raised by the many fans by pooling the combined knowledge of us
all. If you have ANY information that this FAQ does NOT contain, or may
correct what this FAQ DOES contain, please do not hesitate to contact me via
e-mail at: cpa...@clark.net.

Please note that the items marked <UNKNOWN> were mentioned on the
show, but I never documented them. Fill-ins are welcome, please post them to
me at: cpa...@clark.net.
[[WARNING]]
All names are spelled phonetically. Any errors in spelling were
unintentional.

2.00 Major Players

2.01 Donald P. Geronimo
A.K.A. - Mike Sorce (Real Name)
A.K.A. - Donny G (Mafia Name)
A.K.A. - Dick Cheese (Fake DJ-Puker Name)
A.K.A. - Dixon (Of the Fake Morning-Zoo-Type Team "The Dixons!")
A.K.A. - Red Neckerson (when calling stations to complain about the show,
pretending to be a dumb hick who doesn't like the show.

Birthday 9/18/58

FAMILY
Previously Divorced
Ex-Wife Name Dawn
Daughter Name Amy From Previous marriage
Wife Name Freda Sorce, married in 1981
Son Name Bart Sorce (Bart named after Bart Starr who visited Donny
when he was in the hospital as a young lad.)
Dog Name Brandy. Springer spaniel. Dumb as a box of rocks. Likes
to eat cat poop and used tampons. Don thought Brandy was homosexual for
a time.
Second dog named Klink (Hogan's Heroes), who likes to eat poop right out of the
oven, if you know what I mean. He loves it freshly
made, so you can guess where it comes from.
Cat Name Booboo-Kitty. Died. Found dead by Big Frieda in
basement.
New cat's name is Furball
Brother Name Jim. Drives a truck (long-haul deliveries.)
Has a child named Rachel
He is now divorced. Rachel is the product of that marriage.
Jim and Angie were married on the show, and divorced three years to the day.
Aunt Name Lola. (See Section 7.00 for Don's Auntie Lola Story.)
Uncle (Well, not really) Name Tom (See Section 7.00 for Don's Uncle story.)
Father-In-Law Name Les. Lives in Ocean City
Mother-In-Law name "Big" Freda. Lives in Ocean City.

Don has lived most of his life in the Washington D.C. metropolitan
area; specifically in McLean, Virginia. Don't believe him when he says
he lives in Dale City in the shadow of Potomac Mills. He has lived in Los
Angeles, and Chicago as well. He spends his time driving his son, Bart, to
school, watching TV on his big Mitsubishi 35" and Direct TV satellite, working
out (mostly by jogging, and fulfilling his marital obligations for a few
minutes at a time. Last reported weight: 190 lbs.

Interesting Facts:
Longest sustained sexual act: 11 minutes
Favorite TV shows: Star TREK TNG (probably his most favorite), Dick Van
Dyke, and the Lary Sanders Show.

Believes God looks like Jean-Luc Picard. "This is Locutus, of Borg.
Resistance is futile.. Number One.."
Has a thing about his feet.
The P (middle initial) stands for Presley.
Was, once, Donald E. Geronimo with the E. standing for Elvis.
Absolutely loves Diet Cherry Coke, and will do almost anything to get his
hands on a case or 50.
Has had sex with Pat Benetar
Announced that he is adopted just like Charles Broyhill (See 3.06)

Don's two celebrity impersonations: Alec Baldwin and Aaron Spelling.

Best gift idea: Diet Cherry Coke or cash. He's going to complain about
almost anything else. Do *not* get him used comic books.

May be the world's worst driver. Mike avoids riding with him whenever
possible. Don's last accident was in the spring of '96 and wasn't his
fault--a woman in a Chevy Suburban backed into him at a stop light. Don's
last accident where he *was* at fault involved skidding across a neighbor's
lawn and hitting a tree during a snowstorm (Winter '95/96).

2.02 Mike O'Meara
A.K.A. - Mikey Blades (Mafia Name #1)
A.K.A. - Mike the Pick (Mafia Name #2)
A.K.A. - Dixon (Of the fake Morning-Zoo-Type Team "The Dixons!")

Birthday 06/22/59

FAMILY
Previously Divorced
Ex-Wife Name Bili (pronounced "Billy", short for Bilita)
Wife Named Laura, A.K.A. Thumbelina. Very short (4-10)

Daughter named Katherine Mary O'Meara (Conception was on 09/16/94, announced
to us on 02/13/95), and was born on 06/09/95 at 5:53 PM. She weighed in at
7 lbs. 6 Oz.

Understandably, little is really known about Mike O'Meara. Mike's
life is not nearly the open book that Don's is. What information does come
out usually does at some protest from Mike.
An allumnus of American University, where he admits to have spent
more times behind a beer than behind a book, Mike lives in Virginia, recently
moving from Annapolis, MD because of the long commute in his rich-guy car. He
is married to Laura, a figure skater/Highway-Love-Connection Contestant/Big-
Fan.

He likes watching TV, as Don does, but on his "Rich-Guy" satellite dish instead
of lowly cable (which is in reference to what Don used to have.) Don recently
purchased his dish.) He also enjoys playing hockey with former Washington
Capitals where he frequently gets winded, and throws up!
Plays golf, and freely admits how mad he can get out on the course, often
leading to breaking a few in disgust.
Depending on his mood, Mike is either on, or off the sauce.

Mike also has a fascination with Value City and IHOP. He enjoys going
there every weekend for some type of meal.

He has a bad habit of getting sucked into various TV offers, such as a video
about tornadoes and other things he ordered but hasn't seen in the mail
juuust yet.

Interesting Facts:
Once led Elvis-like lifestyle for a week when he had liquid Demerol-on-tap
while in the hospital with Diverticulitis (A colon problem.)
Worked as Country&Western DJ in his radio past. He also spun records (disco)
in nightclubs.
Also had a job as a school-bus driver.
Picked tabacco in CT where he grew up.
Vanity Plates "FlyBaby"

Quite the cigar smoker. If you want to get a gift for Mike, give him some
stogies or golf balls.

2.03 Buzz Burbank
A.K.A. - Mike Ellston (Real Name)
A.K.A. Nuzz Nurnank (Affectionately called by Don and Mike)

Birthday 10/06/53

FAMILY
Wife Name Marsha

Buzz worked with Don when he worked in Chicago doing his Morning
show. Don liked having a News-Guy in his show so much, he demanded that he
have one on the show for the past 9 years. Other News-Guys (and Gals) have
been David-David Hanes, Dave Schreiber, and Laurie Neff (who had several
stories in her short time as News Gal. Her car was hit by Mayor Barry's [former
mayor, now Mayor again in DC] limo. Don and Mike recorded her one morning in the
rest room "preparing for her newscast while sitting on the throne.)

Buzz is also a David Letterman stalker of sorts. Just one second away from
pretending to be his wife, breaking in, and driving his cars..

Interesting Facts:
Looks like G.I. Joe with real life hair and beard
Sounds great when he says "Wow."

Buzz may or may not be wearing underwear on a given day. He wears underwear
with slacks, but goes without when wearing jeans.

Is believed to have had sex involving a Taiwanese Spinning Basket.

2.04 Shari Liquor
A.K.A. - Shari Elliker (Real Name)

Birthday 08/16/61 (Elvis Death Day)

FAMILY
Husband Name Michael

MetroTraffic sort-of-employee, Shari is a neurotic Traffic-Reporter
turned Full-Time addition to the Don and Mike Ham and Eggs Radio Network. She
then left the full-time job to take on her own job with the Psychic Friends
Network. The show is called P)ychic Friends Live, and is hosted by Shari. She
can be heard most nights on WWMX-FM 106.5/Baltimore from 10p-12a (Eastern.)
She still does traffic for Don and Mike, but has to drive to Baltimore
immediately after the show to do her own.
has a bunch of little dogs whom she worries herself into a fright about
constantly. Before she leaves the house, she will wake up her dogs to check
their vital status.
She's obsessive/compulsive to the point where Don & Mike liked to
throw paper onto the floor, and laugh as she strains to keep from picking
it up.

Interesting Facts:

Used to dress as Hillary Clinton for Clintoons, a DC area Political Spoof Team
Wears a lot of black
Has been in several movies as an
extra or stand-in. These are movies filmed in DC and she also appeared
in a recreation for the TV series Unsolved Mysteries. She was named after
Shari Lewis, the ventriloquist.
Does the voice of Charlene (Charly Stuangstabilac's sister.

3.00 Background Players

3.01 Diana Sillman

Birthday 02/08/63

FAMILY
UNKNOWN

Resigned from the show to persue other interests (03/07/96).

Don & Mike's former producer, and a whirlwind of energy. If anybody has
ever seen Diana at a broadcast site, or has ever seen her during one of
D&M's Las Vegas Style Reviews, you would know that she is relentlessly
pursuing SOMETHING! She's a workaholic.

Interesting Facts:
Worked with D&M at WAVA with Frank Murphy. Quit because of Frank. No
details available.
Between working at WAVA and WJFK, she worked in Baltimore at B104 (formally
WBSB, a big screamin', jammin' top 40 machine.)
After B104, she worked as a 1-900 Phone-Sex operator. Call-sign "Lucia."

DIANAS RULES TO LIVE BY:

1) There is never a reason to lie.

2) There is never a reason to raise your voice at someone.

3) Take responsibility for your own actions! There comes a time in
everyones life that we realize the importance of this. For some of us,
this realization comes early in life. For others it comes tragically
late. Often if we realize this in our adult life, it's because we have
done something horrible, and have lost someone, or something close to us
as a result. Life is not a joke. It is not a game.. It is a precious
gift that we need to respect and appreciate.

4) Never trust anyone. Unless you think they understand #3, and even
then, don't trust them until they prove themselves. Start them off with
an "F" and see if they work their way up to an "A".

5) Never break a promise, or make one you can not keep.

6) TRY to forgive someone if they have hurt you, but don't be discouraged
if you can't forget.

7) Never expect anything from anyone.

8) Always remember, everything happens for a reason.

9) Look for the good in all situations.

10) Have a strong faith in God.

Now, if she follows these rules to the letter, we don't know. She does tend to
yell. She claims that she yells about someone, but not *at* them.

3.02 Robbay Spewak
A.K.A. - Robert Waddams Spewak Jr. (Real Name)
A.K.A. - Bobby Sparkles (Las Vegas Showman Name)
A.K.A. - Delores (Pre-operative Transsexual Name)
A.K.A. - BoBo
A.K.A. - Round-eyes

Birthday 03/08/71

FAMILY
Father Name Robert Wadams Spiewak, Sr.
Mother Name Sharon
Grandfather Name affectionately called "Big Daddy" by Robbay.

Producer of the show, decided upon by the boys on 06/27/96. He replaced
Diana as an interim producer until a permanent one was found. He got the
job.

Robbay started out at WJFK as an intern in 1992, and caught Don's eye because
of his girth (he's a member of the Big-man's club, with Don & Mike), his
Elvis-like sideburns, and the license-plate on his car, "TCB BABY" for Taking
Care of Business, Elvis's catch-phrase. We found out that he was the man
behind the Jimmy Stewart voice that mysteriously called in around the holidays,
wishing everyone a Merry Xmas (It's a Wonderful Life).
He's a very friendly guy, and will chat with just about anyone who
approaches him. Don & Mike will periodically send him out wearing his
clown suit. He currently is known as 'BoBo the Smoking Clown. He has worn a
few uniforms previously, including a pilgrim suit, first worn on the 1994
Thanksgiving show.) Before this, fans could se him frequently stuffed into
green shorts, 44DD brassiere, a director's outfit, and the
big-afro-like-wig shouting "LOOK AT ME (pronounced MAY)! I'M ROBBAY!"

His catch phrase was "Manja, baby!" (used for a signoff.) Don & Mike (now)
cut him off during his signoff as a goof when he's speaking. "Live from Main
Street, I'm..." *click*

Interesting Facts
Loves Krispy Kreme Donuts.
His mommay wouldn't let him engage in the 'Great Experiment' to see how
much he could eat in a sitting.
Is an on-air hog, and tries to find a way to get on-air with d&m as often as
he can.
His car was formally owned by a Maryland police department, and driven by the
Chief of Police.

3.03 Stimpy

A.K.A. - Chris Mazdik

A former production director of WJFK, he got his name because he looked like
the cartoon character. Would burp like nobody's business to make the boys
laugh. He is now in Detroit, his hometown, and is a firefighter. Don and
Mike estimate that he probably masturbates the most of anyone they
know--even more than Don himself. Stimpy's catchphrase is "that's B.S.!"

3.04 Freda
A.K.A. - Honey (Don has no good nicknames for Freda.)

Birthday 06/07/55

FAMILY
(See 2.01)

Frieda is an interesting character. Generally, you either like her,
or you don't like her. Some people find her to be a refreshing check for
Don's incredible masculinity, where others find her to be a whiney
pain-in-the-ass that won't let Don buy a Porsche (See 7.00.) She is left with
the tasks of taking care of the house while her hubby is gone, paying all the
bills, getting the newsletter together, and driving Bart home from school.
She spends her spare time with the neighborhood ladies' Book Club, and Wine
Club or annoying Don with her piano playing at all hours of the day and night.
Will hang up the phone INSTANTLY if you say the following: TUNE IN TOKYO!"
Refers back to some movie where a geeky guy tweaks a girl's breasts like
they're radio knobs.
Hates (with a passion) when they have strippers in the studio for special
occasions.
Had recently decided that being tethered to the radio all day, to be at Don's
beck and call, interferes too much with her raising a son and pursuing her own
carreer, so she wasn't heard as much. (She has gone back to school, to get a
degree in Psychology) She has come back to the show, and will only call in
when Don has something to discuss, or when he says something that calls for an
explanation from her/defending herself.

3.05 Bart
A.K.A. - Bart Sorce (Real Name)
A.K.A. - Big Guy (Don's nickname for Bart)
Also is affectionately called Bart-E-O by his dad.

Birthday 03/31/85

FAMILY
(See 2.01)

We, the listeners, have had the distinct honor of listening to Bart
grow up from a cute babbling baby to the young man we have today. He has been
seen beating the living daylights out of 'Hoops' (the Bullets mascot.)
Bart has gone from Barty-o, to Bart the Weatherman (a bit not done anymore),
and will even help pick the winners of the week's football games with his dad,
Rudy Martsky, and Uncle Mike.

Interesting Facts:
When he was 6 or 7, he would get so engrossed in Sega, he would pee his pants
instead of pausing the game and going to the bathroom.

3.06 Charles Broyhill
A.K.A. - Billy Reed
A.K.A. - Wee Willy Reed
A.K.A. - Billy Ray Reed
A.K.A. - Billy the Manslave (When he was assistant to Don BM "Before Mike")
A.K.A - B.Roy Hill

Big Genesis and Marillion fan. He eats like a horse, and likes to fart.
He was adopted, and recently found his blood parents. His new name reflects
his loyalty to his new family. Don't call him Charly!

Interesting Facts:
Drives really really really fast
Voted Most Valuable Player in the Don & Mike Bowl I
Is always goofed on by Don & Mike with reguarding to his "gift of gab" (usually
one word phrases.)

3.07 Jimmy the Intern
A.K.A. James Tiberius Intern
A.K.A. Captain Stink

No longer an intern, Jimmy is now a regular employee of the station but we
don't hear from him much, except for his occasional escapades, such as
witnessing Dennis Murphy's terrible rash, or having sex in Don's hammock
while house-sitting during one of Don's vacations. Jimmy is famous for
getting laid the most often of anyone on the show. But his chronic
halitosis is beginning to make a reputation of itself.

3.08 Scotty the Dwarf

Scott really is a dwarf, and is by far the most popular of all the interns
since Robbay. Mike in particular is fond of him, especially while playing
miniature golf in the hallway during breaks. Don finds him very useful to
dress up in costumes for promotions.

3.09 Bob Ceska

A.K.A. B-O Bob

Bob is another former intern who picked up two reputations--one as having
the worst body odor of anyone (even though Buzz claims never to have smelled
it), and as a prank-caller to torment Larry King. Don and Mike still love
to play a tape of a call Bobmade to interrupt Larry's lunch.

3.10 The Hobbit

Real name - Jason

He looked like Bob's Big Boy, and he was a favorite of prisoners everywhere.
Letters from prisons became "Hobbit mailbag" for awhile. He was also the
target of unexplained "fuck the Hobbit" calls during the phone scan.

3.11 Joe Rockhead and Alex Cleveland

Both were interns for a stint. Joe still has his own little bumper, Paul
Turner's "Joe Rockhead is an idiot," and looks like Fred Flintstone. Don
and Mike tried to make a love connection between him and another intern,
Alex, but it didn't work out.

4.00 The Listeners

4.01 Dennis Murphy

His voice is unmistakable! The Mad Viking, as Don Calls him, is
always a welcome addition to any show. He as free-reign to call any time he
likes as long as he sings "White Christmas." They usually put him on
restriction if he abuses this privoledge.
He appears at just about every remote that the boys do. He has a speech
impediment.
He's about 5'7" tall, with thinning black hair and glasses. He looks fairly
normal, except for his missing hand. Dennis is no longer a virgin, although it
took a lot to accomplish this. He just recently lost his virginity, despite
Don's gift of a trip to a Reno Whore-house in mid 1993. Don told him to
'satisfy himself' before the actual act. Dennis found, however, that this
caused him to be, sort of, spent. Denise (See 4.07) agreed to assist him in "tripping the Light Fantastique"
after winning a Strip Trivia game. She promised Don & Mike that she would
help Dennis out with his little wish, and Don remembered this some time later.
He got Denise to make good on her promise, and he lost it on September 18
1994 at 2:18 PM (eastern).
A tape exists of the event, but no one will release it, however, parts were
played on the air. He even has an e-mail address. If y9u are interested in his
musings, send him mail at: dmu...@erols.com.

Ate canned dog food (Winter '95/96), danced in a cage during a Wichita KS
remote, and made a personal appearance without D&M at Sioux City, cutting
promos, selling motorcycles, getting to second base, and fighting a
mysterious rash on his thigh.

4.02 Wanda
A.K.A. - Demitrius
Wanda is a pre-operative transsexual with a very distinctive voice.
Loves St. Pauli Girl, and Martinis. Mike does a wonderful impression of her
that pisses Wanda off.

4.03 Steve the Gay Guy
Always organized the Gay and Lesbian Rodeo for D&M, but has moved to
Norfolk, recently. The homosexual voice of D&M.

4.04 Frances
Big Breasted woman with presents for Don to fish for under her huge-
gelatinous breasts. Don always says, "As you can see, I wear my wedding ring
on my left hand, that's why I'm reaching with my right hand!" Her presents
always seems to smell of cheese.

4.05 Boom-Boom
Part owner of a strip-o-gram company. Has stripped for Don & Mike
for birthday shows.

4.06 carl (the Merry Jew, the Bewildered, dog nipples) Grossman

Weird space-cadet kinda guy that shows up at many Don & Mike
appearances with his green-guitar, into which he built an amp,
speaker, and headphone jacks. Used to live the rock-n-roll lifestyle. Was
backstage at Woodstock, and lived with rock bands, opening for such names as
Alice Cooper. He took far too many drugs in the 60s, and is paying for it now
by going back to school, moving back with his folks, and getting a new career.
He Has written "two sides" "to everything" on his sneekers. He
likes to say "some people wear their heart on their sleves, I
wear my philosophy on my feet." He made a model of the human
eye, for school, which he brought to a show (at Dianas request).
Drives a car with vanity plates "Artist1c"
("Artistic licence" -- he's fond of puns). He's fastened a
kitchen sink handle to a furniture roller, and bolted it to his
steering wheel, because he's too lazy to exert the effort to
steer like normal people.
Has gone from their "favorite wacko" (M. O'Meara -- I have
it on tape) to being banned from the show for his weirdness and
compulsiveness, to being provisionally allowed to call every two-
weeks or so. MIght've had something to do with Shari. That's not
clear. Stay tuned. Don and Mike always seem to allow him to
reappear from time to time, or whenever he can get on the air
himself. He's a reasonably articulate fellow (having had Letters
to the Editor published in the Washington post four times), but
melts into a a puddle of mumbling, stumbling, un-funny
boorishness whenever he's in the presence
of Don-n-Mike, (whose greatness intimidates the hell out of him.)
Has bemoaned his recent lack of luck with the ladies (he
calls it his "long coital dry spell -- a term which Don chose not
to use) and once said it would probably have been easier if he
was gay. He wrote long drawn-out letters, begging for Don's
forgiveness, and submits all sorts of weird ideas (like peanut-
butter and marshmallow sandwiches, elevator buttons that could be
re-pressed to turn off, a contraption which could allow people to
have sex at speeds of hundreds-of-thrusts per minute, 13-man
juries (so one deranged idiot couldn't side-track the whole
process -- since a majority of only 12 would still be required),
on and on anon ad nausem. He loves Don. And, most recently, Carl (being the
idea man that he is, which is just a ploy to get more air time) created a
spinning dart board. "After all," he reasoned, "if they like to throw verbal
darts at me so much, and Don loves to throw pencils as if they were darts, then
they oughta love this." He attached a motor to it, and combined it with words
around the edges, like the Wheel of VanDyke (See 9.33). It could be EITHER a
Dart Board or a Wheel of Grossman. They broke it the first time they used it.
Diana said that was the one time she wished she had a video camera.

Carl made an in-studio appearance, where he actually played the guitar
(06/25/96.)
I say this because he usually freezes infront of a Microphone. He wowed
them, and is now seriously in the running against Dennis as the premier
showman. He also claims to be currently $6,500 away from leaving home, is
playing guitar in old town for handouts, and worked as a temp in a mental
ward lighting cigarettes for the inmates. Did I mention he will be 50 in a
couple of years?

Write Carl at: cheez...@aol.com.

4.07 Denise

Denise has been on with the cheese Gods quite a few times. She is best known
for curing Dennis Murphy of his virginity, wearing chains, and flashing
D&M. She loves sex, coining the term "Schwonking" as the activity she
loves to partake in.

4.08 Lady Cassandra
A.K.A - Cassy/Cassandra/Al St. John

Once upon a time before Wanda the Transsexual (See 4.02), there was another
one. her name was Lady Cassandra St.John. This time, Cassandra actually went
through with the sex change, going from being a proud man who served to a
woman.
She is reputed to have flashed D&M in their studio.
There was a series of disgusting dates that Don fixed her up with, then
they introduced her to a lovely lesbian....
They had a fever courtship and were married lesbian style on the Don and
Mike show 23 July 1993...
About a month later she had a falling out with Don on the air and Don kicked
him/her off the show because he/she was making appearances on another
Washington, D.C. radio station. Cassandra was/is a Wican Priestess. In other
words, a pagan witch. Her radio exploits, coupled with the revelation that she
was a he made others in her coven insist that she back off on the witch
association. So she droppped down from "Lady Cassandra, Witch" to plain
Cassandra.
Frances (See 4.04) and Cassandra met through the show. They have begun a late
late night talk called "Working Girls" (301-921-0093) on WMET, 1150-AM, a small
station in Gaithersburg, MD (which also can be heard on Media General Cable in
Virginia on Channel 28.) They discuss what they call "Girls Locker Room"
talk. . They bill themselves as "Working Girls" (ie: "Cassandra's Gay, and
Frances isn't...Frances likes guys, Cassandra doesn't...Cassandra's a Witch,
and Frances is a Bitch -- but they get along just fine.") Their show is
patterned very much after Don and Mike -- right down to the cavalcade, but a
bit more graphic. They cover topics such as "do you spit or swallow?" "Do
you have your guy "Dine at the 'Y'"? They take phone calls, too. They are
the FIRST in the nation to have a transexual as part of a team. There have
been plenty of TV spin-offs, but Don and MIke may be the first RADIO show to
have actually had a spin-off.
So far, Don and MIke haven't acknowledged their existance, even though they
are getting media attention, and TV and Print stories. Recently, there has
been some syndication interest. They've sent their package to Howard Stern's
management, who has expressed an interest in keeping track of them.

4.09 Tom Gavin

Tom Gavin, affectionately known as Tommy, called into the Don and Mike show
one day, and fast became one of the regulars. He was first noticed by his
illegible and mispelled faxes, that looked like an elementary school kid wrote
them. It was only many months later that he actually called and got on the
air. Tom is famous for the phrases "Hey buddy!", "Yep." "How you doin'?" and
"How you doin' out deer goiz?" He has an accent that would be closely
related to someone who is mildly deaf or Elmer Fud. He has a fondness for
Shari, since he always gets in a few words directed at her when he realizes
that Don and Mike are going to take the hook out of his mouth (hang up on him.)
Also, he is a DJ on an FM cable station in Fairfax County. It is the
public access station provided by the Cable Company.
That frequency is 94.7 (WCSX), which you can listen to if you have an FM
splitter, or you can listen by tuning in channel 37 on Greater Media
cable in Fairfax county. Don and Mike enjoy playing his DJ tapes, and goof
on him as they do with other people who are in their business. He
frequently repeats himself on these tapes, and leaves a lot of dead air.
There was a "Tom Gavin's DJ Delights", which served the Baltimore/DC area,
but I don't know if this is the same Tom Gavin.
He also is a terrific speller. So good, infact, that he only spelled one
word correctly after a few dozen words for him to attempt. The phonetics
aren't even there. He will, in most cases, start off spelling a word for
Don and Mike, giving the first letter correctly, then completely blowing
the rest of the word. E-mail him at: TGavi...@aol.com.

4.10 Phil-E

Phil-E, as he calls himself, calls the show once a month. He is famous for
educating Don & Mike on the African-American lingo. ,examples are:
"Outy five-thousand" = "I'm outa here!"
"stupid-lookin' honey mobile" = "a car, used to pick up chics."
"That's dope!" = "That's great/cool/awesome"

Phil recently purchased a car, threatening the boys that he will make visits to
the studio.

4.11 Faye Webber

This delightful woman has been with Don & Mike since the very beginning. She calls
infrequently, but always with a smile in her voice, and a good word for the show.
She has a husband named Seamore, and he gets on the phone at times. Don & Mike
always send him all of their porno magazines when they are finished looking at
them. He's always greatful for their good will in this manner. This couple
has been on a trip or two with the boys, and they have enjoyed the good will.
They are retired, and seem to enjoy taking many trips, seeing the sights, and
utilizing retired life as it should be.

4.12 Russell

Russell sends in "Russell's thoughts," pages of one-sentence musings of
widely varying quality. It's about as good a parody of Larry King's
newspaper column as can be found.

4.13 Kathleen

A.K.A. Scary Kathleen

A very recent addition to the show, Kathleen began by showing up for a "win
a trip to Mexico" contest (a.k.a. "the freak show") and swallowing several
worms. A couple months later she decided that she was in love with WJFK
salesguy C. J., whom she'd seen at the freak show and heard during a
"dialing for transvestites" bit. She begged him to go out with her, and
after a lot of on-air pressure, he agreed and took her out to lunch. The
sparks never flew, and D&M have been trying to hook Kathleen up withother
guys ever since. Unlike Dennis, who seems to have no standards, Kathleen
makes it difficult on D&M by stipulating the following rules:

1. No guys over 30 (she's 23)
2. Nobody married/divorced/separated or with kids
3. Nobody outside the Virginia area

But she will override some rules if the guy looks like Michael J. Fox.

5.00 History

Don Geronimo started in radio at 16 years old. He worked in New York
as a DJ making what he thought was good money, had his own place, and
'made-it' with teachers who heard his voice on the radio. He was a smart-ass
all his life which landed him in trouble, and in-and-out of many radio jobs.
He even did it with a midget, which he likes to talk about. He has been fired
from some 20 radio stations! Most of the time, he's been fired for talking too
much and playing too few songs. He has DJ'ed in Los Angeles, Chicago (at WLS),
New York City, Detroit at WDRQ (for 6 whole weeks!), WNDE in Indianapolis, WPRO
in Providence RI, and here in Washington on 3 stations; WPGC where he was just
Don Geronimo doing his usual top 40 music-show, WAVA where he and Mike O'Meara
replaced Charlie and Harrigan on "The Morning Zoo!" and now WJFK where their
antics are legendary.
Mike O'Meara spent most of his youth sitting in bean-bag chairs in
his parents basement listening to Iron Butterfly, Boston, and Pink Floyd.
Later, he found his way into radio where he worked a couple of Country
Stations, and eventually, into WAVA in Arlington, Virginia.
Don first joined WAVA (Wave-Uh) in '84 where he did afternoon drive.
His son Bart was just born, and constantly called home to talk to his wife,
Freda, during the show. Mike worked as, no joke, the Wave-Uh Van-driver.
His job was to schlepp the promotions department's van to and from
appearances. That's where the two met.
They used to yukk it up in the hallways of "The Stinky Station," (and
mind you, it DID smell bad) so much that the program director decided to can
his Morning Zoo Show with Charlie and Harrigan in favor of Don & Mike.
The Morning Zoo show aired from December of 1985 until June of 1992

Although everything stated above is true, Don and Mike love to tell the
following story of how they met:

Don was being driven home in heavy traffic in his stretch limou, when he
heard a familiar voice eminating from the side of the road. When Don
recognized the voice belonging to the legendary Sammy Davis jr., he told
Frank (his driver) to stop the car! To Don's surprise, it was NOT the
legend at all, but a guy, smelling of vomet, BO, and anything else you
could imagine. Don told this man that his impression was fantastic, and
asked him if he'd like to work with Don. The man was so excited that he
puked all over Don, his upholstery, and a brand new pair of shoes Don was
wearing. This guy was Mike O'Meara, of course.

on WAVA. The program directors, over the years, always tried to keep a
tight rein on them. "Eleven Songs in a row, not ten, not nine, ELEVEN!" "Try
and keep the recurring bits at the same times during the day. If you do Crooks
Are Stupid at 9:00, ALWAYS do it at 9:00." At times, Don & Mike would try
and listen and do what they said, but often, they didn't. They've been
suspended at least twice in my memory.
Smoky Rivers, a program director who tried to enforce all of these rules, is now
carrying the show on KSD-AM 550.
After a while, Don & Mike came to truly despise program directors for
their meddling - driving some PD's to tears (Li'l Matt Farber, now working
for MTV. His handshake is like a dead fish. He used to take his shoes off
during meetings and rub his toes.) They even began a love-hate relationship
with the Vice-President/General Manager Alan Goodman.
Big Al (Your Radio Pal), who was also known as "The Jumpin' Munchkin", was
a balding, annoying little guy who
always gave nicknames to people he worked with. I remember he used to always
say, "Good Morning Dee! Good Morning Emm!"
Don and Mike hated working at that station. They gave them no
latitude to do what they wanted, even though their ratings were stellar -
sometimes commanding upwards of a 13 share! They had to get out, but their
contract was very binding. Their frustrations became apparent several times
when they have walked out of broadcasts, been suspended, and blatantly
vocalized their unhappiness. Some of these setbacks caused "rebirths" of
sorts where Don & Mike would go back to their older styles of broadcasting
spawning "The NEW Sound of Don & Mike" and crap like that. One way, or
another, however, Don & Mike were determined to leave WAVA.
Emmiss Broadcasting owned WAVA, but came upon some financial trouble
in 1992. Finally, it was reported that WAVA was up for sale. Salem
broadcasting, a Christian Radio organization, bought out the station almost
immediately, but assured the on-air talent that their jobs were assured in
the reorganization. Even though, Salem didn't own any Top-40 radio stations,
they still pretended that they wouldn't change the format to religeous.
Well, that was Don & Mike's cue to get out. They were given offers
from other radio stations, including Chicago and LA.
As an aside comment, when WAVA was being sold, Don and Mike had a job offer
from KLOS in Los Angeles. The boys turned it down because they wanted to
stay in the Washington, DC area. They thought that the problems with WAVA
would clear up, and things would be back to normal. Since they weren't
going to take the job, some radio guy (assuming he worked for KLOS at the
time) wanted Don and Mike to hear a few DJ airchecks. The idea was to get
two guys who sounded like Don and Mike. So they both listened to the
tapes, and picked a real winner (in true Don and Mike style, of course.).
It was so bad that, as a joke, Don and Mike said that they would be perfect
for the job. This was done purely as a goof. These two radio guys which
Don and Mike picked to take the LA job were none other than Mark and Bryan.
I have no idea how they became number one in LA, but they did. At least,
until Howard Stern kicked them off the top spot. That makes me happy,
since I like Howard as well, but that's just my opinion.

They were made an offer from WJFK and
Infinity broadcasting whereas they would buy out Don & Mike's contracts.
Things weren't all rosy at WJFK, either. Not long before their
change-over, their producer, Frank Murphy, booked Leslie Nielson for the
show. At the last minute, Leslie's publicist backed out without explanation.
Don & Mike proceeded to rip into Leslie's publicist to the point where she
filed a $15 Million lawsuit against Emmiss Broadcasting, Don, Mike, and
Frank. The lawsuit followed them to WJFK where it ended in an undisclosed
settlement.
Then, finally, in 1993, Don & Mike were syndicated by Infinity.

6.00 Mike O'Meara's Voices

6.01 Charly Stuangstabilac

Charly was born, 42 years old, on the anniversary of D&M's first show
together, December 15, 1985. Now, turning 51, he's still one of the most
popular characters on the show. He is described as 6'5", 250lbs, Mr.
Clean-bald, and wears Bib-overalls. He lives in Gaithersburg where he shares
a duplex with his brother Matthew, and his friend Huggybear. If anybody has
ever seen Full Metal Jacket, and remembers the character of 'Private Pyle,'
can imagine what Charly looks like.
Charly was married to Baklava Souvlaki, a woman he met at the Nut-Hut
several years ago. Their sex-life was reported as amazing. Charly and
Baklava, eventually, split up, but not without producing his only son, Charly
Jr. Charly Jr. grew up unbelievably quickly, and immediately attended some
military academy. Charly and Baklava have since patched things up, but we
haven't heard from her in quite some time. Incedentally, Baklava's voice was
masterfully created by our own Diana Silman. Charly also has a sister,
Charlene, with whom Charly does not get along with. Charlene's voice is
performed by Shari Liquor. Even though Charly is 52, Mike seems to
mis-calculate all the time. Don asks, "Charly, how old are you again?" But
Charly can never get it right, always being off by a few years. Maybe he
should just say he's 39, eh?
Charly has starred in his own hit-TV show on Fox called,
appropriately, "Charly's Place." He has held down several jobs including
various duties at Don's house, construction worker, janitor, private
investigator, ice-cream taster, highway-maintenance engineer, and was also a
nurse for the late used-to-be fattest man in the world "Hambone." Considering
his extensive resume, you would never think that Charly hasn't yet graduated
from Gonzaga High-School in downtown Washington, DC.

6.02 My Cousin Luigi
Don's cousin Luigi came over from Italy just a couple of years ago,
and hasn't yet picked up the language. Although, if you listen carefully,
you might pick out the gist of what he's saying. By far, the funniest voice
in Mike's repertoire.

6.03 Buddy Surrell
From the Dick VanDyke show, Buddy needs a squeegee to wipe his face when
he's done talking. He always has Vietnam flashbacks, and can never remember
who he's talking to after coming out of them..

6.04 Raymond Burr
Big Ray is well known for his Ironsides role, as well as his
preoccupation with chocolate (See 7.00.)

6.05 Telly Savales
Who loves ya, Telly? Mamma-Savalas does. Calls once in awhile from Heaven to
give Don an update on the goings on up there and heaven's new arrivals..

6.06 Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold has a problem with phonetic spelling, but has a beautiful
singing voice. A tasty lick on the Don & Mike cafe'.

6.07 Sammy Davis Jr.
Originally, Mike's most perfect voice. Sammy grabbed Don's attention
years ago, when they met. (See 5.00)

6.08 Nick Nolte
Excellent. Has awful breath, and is always "Looking for my little
dog!" Usually accompanies Don's Richard Dryfuss' "CALL 911!!"

6.09 Lucille Ball
Sometimes, this voice is rehashed for any female heavy-smoker.
Smokes menthols.

6.10 Ken Beatrice
WMAL (AM-630, in Washington, DC) radio sports-talk DJ. Very funny
voice, if you have ever heard Ken's show. Always ends up the same way, "BYE,
NOW!!"

6.11 Joe Jacoby
Pumpkin-head Joe, former Washington Redskin, is so large that the
Redskins had to contract out to get a helmet built for his super-sized head.
No - No - No - Yeah! My wife enjoys them! I'm turning into Frankenstein!

6.12 Elvis Aaron Presley
Back when Don&Mike and Major Bill Smith were having a bit of a tiff,
Mike was working on his INCREDIBLE Elvis voice. Elvis had apparently called
D&M through the Major, and sounded slurred, and slow. Mike picked up on it
immediately (See 7.06.)

6.13 Major Bill Smith
Well, y'all know the Maj's on the level. Another great
Mike-voice. Likes to eat Corn on the Cob, spam and German Potato Salad!

6.14 Alan Goodman
VP/General Manager (former) of WAVA-FM 105.1 in Washington, DC.
Flawless, and always funny. Did some classic bits including the string of
"Alan Goodman" movies: 'Goodman: The Movie", "Goodman: The Lucky Man",
"Goodman: The Prophecy", and "The Last Temptation of Alan Goodman." (See 5.00.)

6.15 Rusty Ford
Former production director of WAVA. Has to be heard to be believed.
Because nobody knows who Rusty is, anymore, Mike doesn't do the voice. But
when he did it, it was GREEAAAAAAT!

6.16 Maurice Butkus
No longer a voice used by Mike. Maurice appeared as the sports
reporter for Don & Mike at WAVA. He was very effeminate, and blatantly a
homosexual character. It was decided that Maurice had to go as to not create
animosity from the homosexual audience. Also doubled as the fashion
reporter.

6.17 Rush Limbaugh
This impersonation has actually gotten rave reviews from the 'rhoid
sufferer, himself! Always suffering from 'inflamed hemmerhoidal tiss-yooo,'
this man frequents the D&M airwaves. Rush must sit on a donut for comfort.

6.18 RobBay Spiewak
Uncanny! Even Rob's grandfather can be fooled! Loves his Krispy
Kreme donuts with raspberry filling. (see 3.02)

6.19 Hop-Sing
Another great stereotypical voice, Joe! Loves that gong, and does
Don's laundry. He is always interested in "sex book, Joe?"

6.20 Stimpy
Not the cartoon character, but one of the former employees of WJFK, where D&M
broadcast. His most famous line: THAT'S B.S. ROB!" It's HOT HOT HOT!

6.21 Forrest Gump
Not a very good impression, but funny! Watch out for the dark
side of Forrest.

6.22 Harry Morgan

Star from Mash, who has a fondness for Robbay. He claims not to be gay,
but he always, without fail, manages to send out invitations to all the
guys who work for the show to his party/hottub.

6.23 Robin Leach

In my opinion, Mike's best voice of all.

6.24 Jack Kent Cook

Owner of the Washington Redskins, Mike loves to do this voice...It creeps
in there when you least expect it. "BY GOD, MAN!"

6.25 Bob Dole

With campaign running, Bob Dole is becomming a popular addition to the show,
particularly on Low Budget Jeopardy.

6.26 Bob Hope

Bob is often found rehearsing for his own funeral, and D&M often break out
into guilty giggling fits whenever they read about something bad happening
to the beloved entertainer.

Other voices:

Bono (From U2), Roger Rabit, Grandpa and Homer Simpson, Lefty Driesel, Harv
Moore (WPGC-AM 1580 Morning Mayor in Washington, DC. Is Don's boyhood idol.),
Bullethead (Gordon Liddy), Floyd the Barber, Suzanne Pleshette, Fabio, Michael
Eisner, Kate Mulgrew, (Capt. Janeway from Star Trek:Voyager) who has a fascination
with "Polaric Radiation", Cerf (way too mellow DJ that worked with Don & Mike at
WAVA and WJFK) and Mr. Cartoon (which always gives Mike a migrane while doing it.)

But we can't forget, as a final Mike O'Meara voice:

David Lawrence, whose voice doesn't appear much, but did frequent the
repritoire when David was helping the boys with computer schtuff.
(Catch his weekly show, "Online Today" on the WOR radio network, 2-4P on
Sundays. 710-AM out of New York is the flagship.)

Ok...Where's my check? *grin*

7.00 (In)Famous Stories

7.01 Raymond Burr Story

Don and Mike have a friend in the law enforcement community that
raids and seizes photographs of people in 'peculiar circumstances.' One of
the photos showed a much younger Raymond Burr lying on the floor with a
younger man squatting under him doing his business IN RAY'S MOUTH! Hence,
his fascination for 'chocolate.'
Wharff!

7.02 Danny Thomas Story

D&M always refer to him and glass table-tops, and give away the word 'COPROPHELIA.'
For those who have not looked up the word, the long and short of it is, a
copropheliac enjoys fecal matter. As for what "Eggs, Danny-Thomas-Style"
are, I couldn't hazard a guess.. He enjoyed watching people do their business
on glass table tops while he was lurking underneath.

7.03 Aunt Lola Story
Suffice to say, Don's Aunt Lola was a bit drunk at a family
gathering, and cornered a teenage Donny in a walk in-closet, and gave him the
tongue. Aunt Lola died of a liver disease.

7.04 Don's Uncle

Don's mother had a baby but then gave it to her mother (Don's
grandmother) and she raised him, so Don's Uncle is really his half-brother.
His family tried to hide it from him, but couldn't. Don is now going to
divorce his parents because they won't fess up to the information Don has
figured out...

7.05 Superjock Story
Larry Lujack worked at WLS in Chicago with Donny when he was about
16 years old. Lujack had a bit of an attitude, and a huge ego. He would
demand that the staff, including Don, call him Superjock. Also, after-hours,
the DJ had the 'buzzer-button' to let people in and out of the
broadcast-building. So, the story goes, one evening, Larry Lujack, a bunch
of Engineers, and Donny were working in the Air-Studio, when Don decided to
leave. When he got to the door, he realized that it was locked. He looked
into the security camera and said, "Hey, Larry, let me out!" Out came a DJ
Puker voice, "Not until you refer to me as Superjock." Don huffed, and
decided he would wait. Well, Don waited for about 2 1/2 hours before he
finally gave in, and called Loojack "Superjock." As it turns out, it was only
15 minutes before another jock relieved Larry, and he pointed out that Don could
have waited, and that guy would've let him out. Needless to say, he was laughed
at for being so stupid as to not figure that out. Since then, Don has told the
story many times, including when Don & Buzz (Then Mike Ellston --Hey, another
Don & Mike Show?!) worked with Lujack, and was actually threatened with a
lawsuit to stop telling the story.

7.06 Major Bill (R.I.P.) and Elvis
Major Bill Smith (God rest his soul) believes that Elvis is alive,
or at least, that's what he'll tell you. In truth, Don and Mike have been
able to weasel it out of him that he really doesn't believe the big E's
alive at all. He has appeared on numerous talk-shows including D&M's, Jone
Rivers' and Geraldo Rivera's.
Once, Major Bill had someone, whom he believed was the real Elvis,
call Don & Mike. Neither of them really believed it was him, but Mike picked
up on the phony-Elvis's voice, and called Major Bill back pretending to be
Elvis. He actually got the ol' Maj to believe that it was really him! That
was the cause of one of the first real fights D&M and Major Bill got into.
Lately, however, Major Bill seems to be being taken advantage of by
someone he calls "The Kid." It seems that the ol' Maj has been sending money
to Elvis through The Kid -- about $100,000 a YEAR for the past few years.
Don and Mike wanted to put a stop to this immediately, and was able to
convince Major Bill to stop it. It's too bad there will be no more.

7.07 Why Frieda has all the money (The Porsche Story)
Back in LA when Donnie was beginning his "big-time" radio career at KIIS-FM,
Don used to have to drive this stinking moped to and from home and the
radio studio. He got a bit caught up in the LA lifestyle, and decided he
would go out to a dealership and buy a great big Porsche. Unfortunately, he
would have to try and keep it a secret from his wife because she wouldn't like
him spending that kind of money. Infact, they didn't have that kind of money
to spend. So, Don used to park about a mile away from his house, and drive
the moped home. Well, Frieda caught him getting into (or out of, I
forget) the Porsche, and demanded an explanation. They argued rather
heatedly, and decided they would try and take the car back.
Donnie and his child bride drove the Porsche back to the dealership
where the salesmen greeted him with "Hey, Donnie! How's the car, eh?"
Don, sheepishly, passed the keys over to them and said, "I can't keep the
car. I'm giving it back." The sales guys laughed nervously and replied,
"You can't do that. It's yours!"
So, they sued 'im!

7.08 The Pat Benetar Story

Back in 1979 Pat Benetar was on a record tour promoting her latest. According to Don, they met
one night in a limo with Charlie Kendal, she started to kiss him, and basically, Don gave her the "The
best night of her life"

Cerf (a way too mellow, fellow DJ that worked at WAVA and WJFK) also had a wild bout of sex
with Pat, but that did not occur until later. Don found out about it later when Cerf overheard Don
talking about it and commented that he had also performed the dirty deed.

All of this was flatly denied by Ms. Benetar when she called to promote a concert recently.

7.09 Lauren Tewes

Ah, but if we only had the time...

The following is scrapped together from discussions on alt.fan.don-n-mike. Mostly from MartinB

Apparently Don was invited to a party at Lauren Tewes' house (he was living in L.A. at the
time.) If I'm not mistaken he was at a ball game (baseball) at the time and left his car at the
stadium to go to the party. Once he got there he found himself surrounded by "Hollywood
types" including Lauren Tewes who is (was) a coke-head. There were drugs all over the
house...mounds of coke on the coffee table etc and Don got so freaked out by it that he hit
the door running and didn't slow down 'til he found a pay-phone and called Frieda to come
and rescue him.

8.00 Terms and Definitions

8.01 DBR - Deep ball rub.

8.02 Jag - From the football team "The Jaguars." Don thought
it sounded like a cool put down, i.e. "You Jag-off!"

8.03 Jagillooly - Perturbation of Jag (See above) and Jeff Gillooly.
Another put down.

8.04 Photo-mat Said when the boys are looking at pretty girls, or are in
an uncomfortable situation.

8.05 Beve - Italian for 'Drink!' Used by RobBay.

8.06 "Your finger smells like butt!"

Mike had, in his sleep, scratched himself in the itchy eye (See 8.10), and the
next morning, Mike affectionately stroked fiance' (now wife) Laura's hair. She
made the initial exclamation.

8.08 "Paint your Bald Spot?"

A classic tape from the Larry King radio show where a listener asked about one
of his TV appearances where he interviewed John Candy, and he had less hair
than in a more recent interview. The caller repeated the question over and
over until, finally, Larry couldn't take it anymore. "Aah, sick!" He
exclaimed.

8.09 "I'm a PRO-FESSIoNAL! Look it up in the book!"

Another classic tape from Larry King. If you haven't heard it, tape the
Cavalcade of Comedy (network listeners may hear it at the top of the show.
Locals will have a better chance at hearing it between 2:00 & 2:30.)
Unbelievable! The tape was made by Aquaman of local DC station WHFS who did it
many years ago, and mixed in some music from Planet of the Apes for dramatic
effect. It has spawned many quips that you might hear anytime in the show,
such as "I'm lost..",
"It's way up there..", and "..and
don'tworryabouttheclub..", a slur that is almost
unintelligible.

And now, the complete transcript of the now infamous tape of Larry King!

The Larry King Rave Out Tape

I got one more question, ah I'm a student of print journalism, and I just
wanted to know, ah, what advice do you have for ah ah young people coming
up into the field. Like, I uh, a lot of ah prof-profess-professors are telling
us how hard it is to get into the field for us, I'd just like to know, since
you're in the field if you had any advice on that. Fer
instance, experience, is that important?

Uh huh, sure.

Is that the probably the most important, ah element?

Well it's way up there.

It's way up there? Anything, anything else? Anything you can-

Pressure under fire..Done this before..I don't want it to be his first ah
surgery.

N'kay

Applied himself well..

Mmm-hmmm

These are the things I'd have confidence in the young MD.

Okay. I'm talking about journalism field.

I'm lost, what do you mean?

J-Journalism. I'm like..I'm I'm a student of Journalism at a college. And I
was just wondering the most important aspect of getting into journalism.
Not the medical field. I think you're exhausted from thirty nights.

I am exhausted after thirty nights. No no person, even those of us who are
superhuman. Even those of us with ah herculean appetites for the diverse
and the bizarre. Even those of us who ah, who've shown an aptitude to ah..
to aaaaaahhh..fight the good fight, and stay the good long battle. Even
those of us can get tired. And your boy is tired after thirty consecutive
nights. I've a half an hour to go, and I'm gonna do that half hour because
I'm a pro. That's what pros do. I'm a PRO-fessional. Look it up in the
book.

Oh-kay..

That's what we do, we're pros. We're never rude, and we don't cop out. We
don't tell you that we're ill, or that
we're looking for the farmhouse in the middle of the desert, or that we're
parched. We don't tell you that maybe the check didn't come through this
month, or where the hell does it go anyway, if you're a guy who's left 16
forwarding addresses.

Oh-kay.

So, what do you do, what is the answer? Yeah, you're a little perturbed, now.
Kinda worried about the club?

The club?

No, don't worry about the club, worry about maybe..JACKY might worry..NAH,
don't worry. Okay, just cool it..Life is a breeze. 'Course some breezes, as
you know, are a hundred and ten miles an hour and get promoted up
to hurricanes, I just thought I'd pass that along. We're go-speaking of
passing along, we're gonna pass along, now to the newsroom, the Mutual
Newsroom, high atop the overlooking downtown beautiful downtown studios of
Rosslyn Virginia, Washington DC..The Mutual Newsroom will get us up to date
on the news headlines and we'll come back with a little more Open Phone
America and we'll have our salute to my man Duke Ziebert by taking him
to one ah of his favorite places, one of mine too - town of COOPERStown,
New York. This is the Larry King show in Washington, aaaand we'll be
right back.

8.10 Itchy Eye Absolutely unknown! Probably can guess, how-
ever if you imagine D&M laughing at somebody
asking to have his itchy-eye scratched.
(Refers to scratching your anus. A sign of
being old or having bad hygene) We all do it at some point.

8.11 Teabagging

This refers to oral sex. Dipping ones balls in one's mouth. Kind of like
the motion that a teabag would make, the balls being the teabag itself.

8.12 Queeg

Refers to G. Gordon Liddy.

"Queeg" was the name of the Captain of a U.S. destroyer/minesweeper in
the film "The Caine Mutiny." He's played by Humphrey Bogart, and this is
a classic movie, well worth watching. Basically, Queeg is an
imcompetent, paranoid nut case, who gets the ship into danger so the crew
has to mutiny.
Don & Mike refer to Liddy as "Queeg" because he talks a little bit like
the character, and apparently has over-reacted in a big way to some of
their antics. Watch the movie and all will become clear.

8.13 "Toss my salad"

This term comes from a prisoner which was seen on an HBO special. It
refers to someone doing a rim job on someone else while he jerks off.
Usually, there is some form of syrup or jelly, ostensibly to make it more
palatable. The semen resembles salad dressing, hence the term "Toss my
Salad." The idea is to simulate the feeling of having a woman as the
recipient of the act.

8.14 "Show Me the Trophies"

From a National Enquirer article that said Kathie Lee Gifford wanted breast
lift surgery, but Frank Gifford said no way, "those are your trophies!"

9.00 Games People Play / Recurring Bits

9.01 Low Budget Jeopardy!

Opening:
"And now it's time for everybody's favorite feature 'Low
Budget Jeopardy!' And now, I'd like to open the door to see which one of
Mike's psychotic personalities will be the announcer.."
Door opening sound, and Mike's alter ego comes in. Long discourse
usually follows, and then commercial break.
Mike's alter ego will say, "Now entering the studio is" contestant
1's occupation, and city of residence. "Please say hi to " name of
contestant 1. Repeats for contestant 2. "And now entering the studio is
the host of Low Budget Jeopardy, and remember DON'T SCREW WITH LQ! Let's
have a big hand for Alex Trebec Geronimo!"
Contestants make usual greetings.
Don goes over the rules of the game which include, "Always call me
Alex, or as we're playing the game, call me LQ - Lord Quizmaster, always
call him " Mike's alter ego's initials, unless otherwise stated.

Rules:
Two players call in, one is chosen to start off with the first
answer, unless one is a girl to whit LQ uses the "We like girls more than
boys, so you get to go first" clause.
The first player chooses a category. There are 5 categories with 3
answers in each. Each player, once a category is chosen, MUST complete the
entire category before going on to another category. This is more for LQ's
sanity than anything else.
Once the category is chosen, the dollar amount is chosen. The dollar
amounts go from $1 to $2 to $3. Again, LQ's rules state that the player must
go from the lowest to highest dollar amounts so as to not confuse LQ. The
answer is given by LQ, and the player must come up with the question matching
the answer.

Example: The category is Celebrity Bra Sizes. The question is 'Holly
Hunter." The player must respond with "What is 34B?"
The player MUST state his/her response in the form of a question.
Otherwise, the response is ignored, and the second player has a chance to
steal. To steal the right to choose the next answer, and to win the dollar
amount of the category, the first player must answer incorrectly, AND the
second must answer correctly.
When all of the categories are depleted, the scores are tabulated,
and the game moves to final jeopardy. Here, LQ "physically forces [the
players] to bet it all.." The players are given a category and a single
answer. The players are then given about 30 seconds to come up with the
correct question, again, in the form of a question.
LQ, then wishes them good luck, and puts the contestants on hold,
where someone answering the phones will take down the contestants' answers,
and relay them on paper to LQ. Meanwhile, Mike's alter ego tells the
audience what the losers will receive as a consolation prize. Usually
something bogus like 'Rush Limbaugh's Rush to Excellence Suppositories.'
Then, he will announce, "Back to Low Budget Jeopardy with Alex Trebec
Geronimo."
LQ will bring the contestant back where they will give their
responses on the air. The responses MUST match what they gave the phone
screeners moments ago, or they will be disqualified. A correct answer will
double the cash score, an incorrect answer will knock the player down to zero.
The player with the highest dollar value will win, and have $25 added
to their score. The loser will receive many other gifts which Mike's alter
ego will announce - each item separated by "But wait..there's more" from
LQ. In the event of a tie, both players will return during the next game for
a rematch. The players will both get to keep their winnings. In the event
both players are knocked down to zero, then two new LBJ contestants will be
chosen for the next game.
The loser is always asked to "Don't go away mad, just go away."

9.02 The Grey Poupon Game

A player on the car phone must pull along side someone else in
another car, and ask them, while on the phone AND on the air, the following:
"Pardon me, but would you have any Grey Poupon?"
The player must speak THOSE words exactly. Any deviation counts as a
disqualification. If the respondent replies with "But of course.." then the
player wins a valuable prize.

9.03 Honk For Cash

The dreaded words 'Honk For Cash' are feared because the game rarely
works out. The player must have a car phone, AND A CAR, The player pulls
into a 'Left Turn Only' lane with a light. The effect is best if the player
is the first or second person in line at the light, and during heavy traffic.
Once the light has turned green, the player must put his phone
outside his car window, and sit silently for 30 seconds. For every
aggravated honk heard on the phone, the player usually gets cash.
If the player speaks during those 30 seconds, or is otherwise deemed
as a fraud, he is disqualified.

9.04 What My Wife Doesn't Know Won't Hurt Her

This game has been modified, depending on sex, to include "What My
Husband Doesn't Know Won't Hurt Him." Players call in with deep dark secrets
that they haven't told their respective spouses, yet. Those with the darkest
and juiciest stories get to call their spouses, and tell the story. Usually,
big arguments arise, which makes great radio.

9.05 Can You Get To Ten?

One of the greatest games ever created. Don and Mike come up with 10
big lies that the players have to tell, on the air, to their parents. The
players must go from the first lie in order to the last. If the parent
believes him or her, the player wins.
An example game would have lies similar in style to the following:
1 Oh a whim, decided to take a flight to Las Vegas.
2 Once there, I thought I might go out for a few drinks
3 You won't believe it, Wayne Newton was there!
4 He was falling down drunk.
5 We got to talking, and really struck up great conversation.
6 He passed out!
7 I decided to drive him back to his hotel
8 When we got there, he came to, and invited me into his hot tub.
9 We got in the tub, together.
10 We made glorious love all night.

The game is especially funny if the contestant is male. Also, D&M
have been known to drag out the comedic value of the bit by not getting back
on the phone, and letting the parent know that this was all staged.

9.06 The Donny Countdown
There's a little radio station playing inside Don's head, and since
there aren't any Radio Stations in Washington DC that play any good music
consistently, Don comes up with what he believes are the top 20 songs of the
time period (Week, Day, whatever). Hosted by Donny, Buzz, Shari, and
another Mike O'Meara Personality. Rush Limbaugh makes a good guest-host.

9.07 RobBay Dials for Transvestites
Mr. Spiewak calls 1-900 numbers, usually Hot-Transvestite numbers,
and pretends he's a pre-operative transsexual named 'Delores.' Delores
doesn't like being laughed at. Probably, the funniest bit to date! They have
started expanding this bit by having OTHERS participate instead. Usually the
sales staff, Most affectionately, Buzz did the stunt as "Nancy."
His dead-pan delivery made it all the more hysterical.

9.08 Charly-grams
Only as Charly can, Charly will call somebody during a special
holiday, usually at the request of a listener, and wish them a Happy
Birthday, or other festive greeting. A mere description does not give this
bit justice! It is another must-hear!

9.09 Who Would You Do?
Someone would ask the men in the room, or on the phone, if they could
only have sex with one or another of two or more choices, which would you
choose. i.e. Who would you do, Rosanne or Delta Burke? The answer, Rosanne,
of course..

9.10 The Phonebooth Challenge
Don would announce the location of a phone booth in a couple of
cities, and call them several minutes later. The location (city) with the
most people congregated at a single phone booth will win valuable prizes.

9.11 Phonebooth Olympics
Contestant will wait at a predetermined phonebooth for Don & Mike to
call. Don would then point out the location of another phonebooth close by,
and have the contestant sprint over to the other location - sometimes SEVERAL
locations.

9.12 Portable Phone Destruction
Contestant would try and find the most entertaining method of
demolishing his/her portable phone. The destruction with the most
'character' wins valuable prizes. Good contestants have driven cars over
them, burned them with kerosene, smashed them with hammers, sawed them in
half with power-saws, ran over them with lawnmowers, but the best one was a
guy who swallowed his phone! (headset phone and he had to guzzle pepto-bismol
to get it to go down)

9.13 Spoons in the Dryer
Contestants are encouraged to put many NOISY things in the
dryer, sometimes, even their phones. The dryer with the most interesting
sounds crashing through them wins! Good contestants have had shards of
glass, spoons, and bowling balls in the dryer.

9.14 Send us your Balls!
Double Entendre for contestants to send Don & Mike their golf-balls,
beachballs, soccer balls, etc. with their names, addresses and so on for
drawings for valuable prizes.

9.15 The Don & Mike Bowl
Was flag football for charity (the Have a Heart Campaign for
abused kids) with former and current Redskins. Last year raised $50,000,
and this year was softball because Don broke his hand (FINGER!), and
doesn't wanna get hurt.

9.16 Eat the Apple Game!
One of D&M's famous bits that can only be done successfully on
location. Couples are chosen out of the audience, and the female
(usually) places an apple, WEDGES it, you know, right THERE! The male,
usually, gets down on his knees and munches on the apple all the way
around. The couple with the quickest 'eat' wins a valuable prize.

9.17 Home-Made jingle contest!
Listeners are encouraged to send in jingles and D-n-M judge them and
pick the best. To the winner goes a thousand dollars. There have been three
so far and they were great. You can here old entries in the cavalcade
some days.

9.18 Highway Love Connection

Someone, usually with a celluar phone (D&M will let someone slide on a
payphone depending on their mood), will go to a disclosed/popular location
looking for love. The caller will give their description of themselves,
including their likes/dislikes/personality/occupation/the type of person
they're looking for, etc. The idea is for someone to listen for the location,
and if they like what they hear, they will go and meet the caller. D&M
will usually give them a dinner together, and some cheesy outing. Some of
these dates have been successful.

9.19 Slam-O-Ramma

Related to "Spoons in the dryer" (See 9.13). The object of the game is
noise, noise, and more noise. A caller will be sure to have lots of items
in his refrigerator, items which will make a lot of noise. A good example
would be glass bottles, or anything breakable.. The person with the loudest
sound will win. D&M will go for the breakage sound. One guy from KS made his
fridge shudder, shake, rattle and roll for 14.9 seconds. Although most think
it was a fake, I guess it's possible if you repeatedly slam the door.

9.20 The Vibrator Olympix
This is a game where women call up, hoping to impress Don and Mike with the
sound of their vibrator. The caller is usually asked what the name of the
vibrator is. Sometimes, men will call up with their partner's vibrator.
Don and Mike usually speculate that it is really the man's vibrator, but
that he won't admit it. The object is to find the most
loud/annoying/interesting vibrator sound. This person usually wins this

particular contest.

9.21 The "My Two Dicks" song

Don wrote this after talking about the Bewitched television, show, Starring
Dick Sargeant and Dick York as Daren Stevens. It'll make sense as you read
them.

Sung to the theme to BEWITCHED

They're my two Dicks, oh yes they're my two Dicks
First there was York, such a dick
Then I changed to Sergeant, hey what a trick
I love two Dicks, they're great to have around
I'm always smiling -- with two Dicks why frown?
I'm the witch with the most fun -- can't you see
Just one more Dick--and I'd have three
They're my two Dicks, oh yes they're my two Dicks
And come what may, I'm proud to tell you this
I'd pass on a love-filled night with the New York Knicks
'Cause I'm the witch with two dicks!

9.22 Strip Trivia

It was the signature piece of the show, and easily the most beloved game
that Don & Mike played. Fear of lawsuits made them stop the show (the
lawyers said that having one naked woman in the studio was one thing, but a
dozen naked people running around the station was asking for trouble).

Incase the game makes its return, the explanation is as follows:

In this game, the boys troll
the phones for contestants. They will break in to whatever they're doing to
take calls from women, but will take 5 seconds to fill up the roster of men for
the game. Once assembled in the studio, Don will read questions out of The
Trivial Pursuit book. The women are ,of course, in the studio with the boys,
while the men go over to Buzz's studio with Robbay. Everyone is introduced to
the listening audience, and then the game begins!

Each member has to have five articles of clothing on to start. As Don asks
questions, people will remove clothing depending on whether the answer is
correct or not. If it is, the next person will get a shot. If it isn't, then
that person must remove one article of clothing. The object of the game is to
keep going around until all the people are naked except the one person who is
left clothed. That is your winner. All the naked people must run out of the
room to the tune of some sexy sauntry music, where their close await them.
During the game, the boys are treated to women doing the "bra thing/trick",
while the men (also viewing the nudity of the opposite sex) will be sprayed
with Lysol as they take their clothes off. The idea is that men really stink,
so it is needed. Robbay usually handles the spraying duties. Sometimes, the
women do little dances/flashes for the guys as they are either leaving the room,
or while they are topless. Some of the women are comfy with their nudity,
thus will hang around for a few extra seconds. All the testosterone in the
building (as well as listening to the radio) always enjoys this. (Fill up the
bathtub!) Other times, Don & Mike will not get to look at all because the women
run out of the room so fast to pick up their clothing. (What a shame!)

9.23 the I Love You Drive-through Game

Each car phone contestant must drive through a fastfood drive-through window, and
all they are allowed to say is, "I love you!" If the person on the other end
responds with, "I love you, too!", then you will win.

9.24 Bitch, bitch, bitch!

Look out guys! After hearing this game, you'll wonder where your gun is to avoid
that kind of commotion about you by your SO.
Don & Mike get women to call and bitch about their husband/boyfriend. The best
bitch wins. (enuff said.)

9.25 It's all Relative

People call up and answer questions posed by the boys about the caller's relative.
They then call the relative in question, and if that relative answers/matches
what the callers' responses were, he/she wins.

9.26 The Bark-off for Cash

Simply put, Don & Mike get the owners of dogs to call up and make their dogs
bark. $1 per bark will be had, and the caller with the most barks will win
the amount of barks combined.

9.27 Yo-Ho, Momma!

A caller will give D&M a number of their Mom (or whom ever may answer the phone),
and all the caller is allowed to say is, "Yo-Ho, Momma!" (or whatever D&M tell
them to say. The object is to keep the person called on the phone for 60 seconds.
If they hangup, then you lose. If D&M are amused, they may keep you going for 5 minutes before they break in
to let you know that y9u were successful.

9.28 Kill, Maim, or Torture

Similar to the above game. A caller will tell D&M whom they'd love to kill,
maim or torture in their family. D&M then call a relative and pose the same
questions. If the relatives' answers/responses match, then the game is won.

9.29 Guess The Whoopie

D&M ask a caller "When was the last time your parents made love/filled their
marrital obligations?" If the Mom or Dad gets the date within 24 hours of
the callers' guess, then you have a winner.

9.30 The Don & Mike Commandments

In late 1993 Don & Mike were issuing daily commandments as part of a
calling contest. Here is that list:

1) Buzz is Mike Elsten.
2) Bitchy women equal foxes.
3) Good looking guys equal morons.
4) Good Morning (insert city name), is a good idea for the name of a
TV show.
5) Nobody's home.
6) People piss Don off.
7) Be nice to mom.
8) I wish we were on TV.
9) All French women have hairy underarms.
10) Women with hairy underarms are unattractive.
11) Joe Jacoby is God.
12) People who love Hairy Anderson are stupid.
13) Jim J. Buttocks has good cheek bones.
14) Going through tapes on carts is a good idea.
15) Jurassic is a good new word.
16) Everybody hates Hairy Anderson.
17) Advertisers are greedy bloodsuckers.
18) Don't trust Roger.
19) Dennis Murphy is a mad viking.
20) You can't get VD from a toilet seat.
21) Billy Reed is not a man.
22) If it smells like cologne, leave it alone.
23) Push on the vagina.
24) Stop the 'Stop the Insanity' Lady.
25) Buzz Burbank made a funny.
26) Mike O'Meara-he ain't no circus clown.
27) God is an American.
28) God speaks American English.
29) Mike O'Meara had to ice down his genitals.
30) If you can tea bag, you can come to work.
31) You can get sicker from a baby than you can from a toilet seat.

9.31 Tube the Teller

Only contestants with small cellular phones can play. The contestant drives up to a bank with a
Drive-Up and a pneumatic tube (it's really important, and someone usually tries to do it with a
DriveUp drawer). The contestants tells the teller what's going on, that they are going to send their
phone through the tube and to say "Hello" when the phone gets there. The real trick is that the phone
has to stay on-line (so to speak). We are treated to the sound of the phone being beaten to a pulp
by the journey, and the waves of static that are generated from all of the metal and machinery.

9.32 The Ghoul Pool

Don & Mike have contests to see who will be the next celebrity to die. They
maintain that celebrities go in threes, and whomever guesses the correct
celebrity wil win a prise or money.

9.33. The Wheel of VanDyke

Don and mike always argue "Who's the funnier of the VanDyke boys, Jerry or
Dick?" Mike likes Jerry, Don loves Dick. They spin a wheel which has been
labled "Dick" and "Jerry" at various points. Where ever the wheel stops will
determine who is funnier for the day.

10.00 Lists
Hey kids! We've got Lists!

10.1 The Don & Mike Pecking order

as of Aug 13, 1995:

1. Don
2. Mike
3. Diana
4. Buzz
5. Sheri
6. Charles Broyhill & Robbay
7. Freda
8. Ms. Bobbie
9. Big-Gum Jim
10 .Darryl "Porn" Nichols
11. Ms. Terri
12. Ben The Janitor and Doug the Security Guard
13. Jimmy The Intern
14. Any of the sales staff
15. Dennis Murphy
16. Tom Gavin
17. Ken Stevens
18. Joe Rockhead

10.2 The Six Smells of Bob Hope

Thanks to Lionel L. Dumond

1. Moth balls
2. Old Spice
3. Food Cooking
4. Booze
5. Number Two
6. Number one

10.3 Diana's Rules to Live By:

See Diana's Bio. (Section 3.1)

10.4 Donnie's Hit List

Don & Mike say: "Killing is bad". of course if any of the following were to be found floating
down a river, they probably wouldn't morn the loss...

1. Carrot Top
who in his debut on the Donnie hit list went straight to number one. This lame prop comedian
recently got a three movie deal and a contract for several Million.
2. Kathy Lee Gifford
'Nuff said.
3. Don Imus
A.K.A. Crypt Keeper. Probably will do this himself.
4. Mark & Brian
For making the move to Television easier for all those that follow.
5. MTV V.J. Kennedy
There's a reason she's consistantly voted "Rolling Stone's Worst V.J."
6. Pauly Shore
Sometimes, all you need is a catch phrase. And sometimes you're Pauly...
7. Val Kilmner
(but not when he's Batman...)
8. Rush Limbaugh
9. G. Gordon "Queeg/Bullet-Head" Liddy
10. Jeremy Coleman
11. Micheal Eisner

10.5 Items Elvis Insisted be on hand at all times at Graceland

1. Fresh lean unfrozen ground round meat
2. 1 case of regular Pepsi
3. Orange drink
4. Hot rolls brown & serve
5. 6 cans biscuts
6. Hot dog & hamberger buns
7. Pickles
8. Potatoes and onions
9. Fresh fruit
10. Fresh browned rolls
11. Sauerkraut
12. Wieners
13. Milk & 1/2 and 1/2 cream
14. Bacon
15. Mustard
16. Peanut butter
17. Fresh hand squeezed orange juice
18. Bananna pudding (to be made each night)
19. Ingrediants for meatloaf & sauce
20. Brownies (to be made each night)
21. Ice cream, vanilla and chocolate
22. Shaved coconut
23. Fudge cookies
24. Gum (spearmint, juicyfruit, (??))
25. Cigarettes
26. Cigars (El Producto Diamond Tips)
27. Dristan super antihistamine
28. Contact
29. Sucrets (red box)
30. Feenamint gum
31. Matches (4-5 packs)

10.6 The Contents of Elvis' Kit.

1. Uppers
2. Dexadrin
3. Black-beauties
4. Percodan
5. Demerol
6. Codine
7. Barbituates
8. Seconal
9. Liquid demerol
10. Needles
11. $10,000 in a wallet
12. Makeup
13. Driver's License.
14. Jewelry
15. Photos (possible of 'silla)
16. Dexadrin

11.00 Other Information

11.01 Contacts

1-800-636-1067 STUDIO
1-800-636-6410 FAX
1-703-691-1067 INFO LINE
1-703-691-1900 Switchboard to WJFK. This is where D&M broadcast from.
You'll get a nice receptionist named Terri.

To register your listening habits, Join the four Hour Club by calling:
1-800-404-HOUR
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't join it unless you know you can commit to them
for twenty hours a week. Is that too much to ask?

11.02 Current Don & Mike Affiliates list (as of June 2, 1996)

All show times are Eastern and are live except as other wise noted.
The show airs from 3P-7P eastern.

If your station is a slave to the man and you don't get the entire show,
give them a call or send them a fax (the station you're listening to, NOT
D&M, but they do love to bust on PD's and GM's, so give that a shot, too.)

Special thanks goes to lou...@itd.nrl.navy.mil (Dave Loudin) for help with
this section.

Annison AL WHMA 1390 AM
Jackson AL WHOD 1230 AM
Mobile AL WABB 1480 AM Talk
Sacramento CA KHTK 1140 AM
San Diego CA KCBQ 1170 AM
Dover DE WKEN 1600 AM
Manassas [Wash, DC] VA WJFK 106.7 FM Var.
Seffner [Tampa] FL WQYK 1010 AM Talk
Carrollton GA WPPI 1330 AM
Nampa [Boise] ID KFXD 580 AM
Decatur [Fort Wayne] IN WQHK 105.1 FM
Burlington IA KCPS 1150 AM
Le Mars [Sioux City] IA KKMA 99.5 FM Talk
Wichita KS KQAM 1410 AM
Lafayette LA KACY 1520 AM
Slidell [New Orleans] LA WSLA 1560 AM (TD until evening)
Portland ME WZAN 970 AM
Baltimore MD WJFK 1300 AM Var.
Hagerstown MD WARK 1490 AM
Ocean Pines [Ocean City] MD WLFX 97.1 FM (The Fox)
New Bedford MA WNBH 1340 AM
Webster [Worcester] MA WXXW 98.9 FM
St. Louis MO KSD 550 AM TD until evening
Sparks [Reno] NV KPLY 1270 AM K-Play Sports
Ravena [Albany] NY WEMX 94.5 FM (niney fowa fwive goiz!)
Lockport [Buffalo] NY WLVL 1340 AM
Long Island/Freeport NY WGBB 1240 AM Talk
Rochester NY WHTK 1280 AM Hot Talk 1280 Talk
Syracuse NY WOLF 1490 AM
Belmont [Charlotte] NC WCGC 1270 AM
Jacksonville NC WLAS 910 AM
Wilmington NC WROR 104.5 FM
Cleveland OH WERE 1300 AM
Eugene OR ?KDBS? 840 AM [KKNX?]
Charleroi [Pittsburgh] PA WESA 940 AM
Barre VT WSNO 1450 AM
Lynchburg VA WLNI 105.9 FM The Line
Ephrata WA KULE 730 AM

The stations on 1230, 1340, 1450, and 1490 are low-power and are hard to
hear more than 5 miles from the transmitter at night [bad news for
easterners in the winter]. A couple of other AMs go to "flea power" at
night [WESA has all of 5 watts nighttime power].

I've listed the actual cities of license because these "rim-shots" are
often hard to hear throughout an entire metro area.

All times are to be adjusted to your particular timezone unless otherwise
noted (see above about live/tape-delayed.)

If I'm missing a station/need a correction, let me know with call/freq/timezone.

11.03 Other connections to the Butt Pirates/Cheese Gods/etc:

FAX-Servers on the Net:

remote-printer.T...@18006366410.iddd.tpc.int

remote-printer.Mo-ron/DonGe...@18006366410.iddd.tpc.int

remote-printer.DandM/CanadianF...@18006366410.iddd.tpc.int

remote-printer.DonandMike/Butt-P...@18006366410.iddd.tpc.int

Don on the Net:
76100...@compuserve.com

Mike is on CompuServe, but is not published in its directory.

11.04 Don & Mike Newsletter

Are collector's items. We probably will not see one again in this or any other lifetime.
The following is provided for historical value...

All you need to do is send a letter requesting to be put on the mailing
list. It don't cost nothin'.

Coron, Inc.
PO Box 8425
Gaithersburg, MD 20898

11.05 Don & Mike Address

The Don & Mike Show
10800 Main Street
Fairfax, VA 22030

--
12.00 **SPECIAL THANKS TO THE FOLLOWING**
**FOR MAKING THIS FAQ POSSIBLE!**

be...@paranoia.com (Bert Roseberry)

P. Chinn pch...@f47serv.mitre.org Told me what copro-
phelia means!
John.PF joh...@genie.geis.com
Eric Williams will...@nye.nscee.edu
Eric Prestemon er...@american.edu Ay-YOO!
David A. Titzer tit...@grizzly.nrl.navy.mil
Anders Baker asab...@netcom.com
peter_s...@mail.amsinc.com
Jerry D Smith jsm...@mcl.bdm.com
tspri...@aol.com
Michael Freeman Fre...@ix.netcom.com
ray...@aol.com
James Ollinger (j...@speedlink.com)
cheez...@aol.com (Carl Grossman)
Terry Kuehnemann <kue...@DGS.dgsys.com>
DaJ...@aol.com
res...@access2.digex.net (Bill Anderson)
av...@freenet.Buffalo.EDU (Tom T. Shaffer)

And last, but not least, Fr...@cais.com for giving mee the meat and a damn
good outline to work with. We wouldn't have a FAQ if you hadn't put together
the basis for what is here today. Q-dos to you!

One final thought:

I know some of you may not like the Don and Mike show. We know that, and you don't
have to waste your time telling us that. But hopefully, if you give them a chance,
you will allow them to grow on you. If you can laugh at yourself, laugh at others,
have a good time, and to not be a tight-ass/sensative about every little thing,
then the show is just for you. Also, a childish atitude/6th grade humor/personality
wouldn't hurt, either.
--
Chris Paulus 410-477-8591 cpa...@clark.net Keeper of the Alt.fan.don-n-mike FAQ
"A spirit with a vision is a dream with a mission" -- Rush RACISM SUCKS!!!
Interested in humor, sound bytes, comedy and music for only $5? Go to:
http://www.clark.net/pub/cpaulus/show to find out more information.

[The BBS Corner]

cpa...@clark.net (Chris Paulus) wrote:

>Alt.fan.Don-n-Mike FAQ
>Exclusively for alt.fan.don-n-mike
>Basic structure written by : fra...@cais.com on May 1 1994.
>Modified by Chris Paulus (cpa...@clark.net)
>Last update: 06/02/96

>So, how do I git it?
>ftp: ftp.clark.net pub/cpaulus/dm.faq
>http://www.clark.net/pub/cpaulus/dm.faq
>NOTE: Use the URL above to get the most up-to-date version, as I modify
>this document on an as as-needed basis.

>http://davids.com/david/dnm.html
>http://www.lmg.com/zeus/donmike.html
>Sounds & things at: http://www.access.digex.net/~the_tick/buzz.html
>another d&m page at: http://www.mtcnet.net/~hoekstra/dnmsnd.html

>Illustrated version available at: http://www.jgvandyke.com/~jrc/dnm
>(created by JR Conlin)

>Also, Phil Casella (ph...@casella.reno.nv.us) has a web page about the show
>at URL:
>http://www.lookup.com/Homepages/83084/home.html

>or send me mail with subject of "FAQ" and I'll send you a copy.

You forgot Donnie's drug bust in 1995, and his conviction this past
March.

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