The Don & Mike FAQ: Really! I Mean it!
John D Frazier
Without further ado, here is the OFFICIAL Don & Mike FAQ. This is more
like an encyclopedia, than a FAQ, but feel free to read it, tear it apart,
and so on! I want feedback! Also, if you have any additions, deletions,
or error corrections, I WANNA KNOW ABOUT 'EM!
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# #
# Don-n-Mike FAQ #
# Excusively for alt.fan.don-n-mike #
# May 1 1994 #
# #
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Table of Contents
1.00 Introduction
2.00 Major Players
3.00 Background Players
4.00 The Listeners
5.00 History
6.00 Mike's Voices
7.00 (In)Famous stories
8.00 Terms and Definitions
9.00 Games People Play / Recurring Bits
10.00 Other Information
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1.00 Introduction
Don Geronimo and Mike O'Meara have been entertaining their radio
audiences for nearly 9 years. They have amassed a huge following in
Washington D.C. where they started. This FAQ hopes to answer some of the
questions raised by the many fans by pooling the combined knowledge of us
all. To that end, if you have ANY information that this FAQ does NOT contain,
or may correct what this FAQ DOES contain, please do not hesitate to contact
me via E-mail at fra...@cais.com.
Please note that the items marked <UNKNOWN> were mentioned on the
show, but I never documented them. Fill-ins are welcome, please post them to
me at fra...@cais.com.
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[WARNING]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
All names are spelled phoenetically. Any errors in spelling were
unintentional.
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2.00 Major Players
2.01 _Donald P. Geronimo_
A.K.A. - Mike Sorce (Real Name)
A.K.A. - Donny G (Mafia Name)
A.K.A. - Dick Cheese (Fake DJ-Puker Name)
A.K.A. - Dixon (Of the Fake Morning-Zoo-Type Team "The Dixons!")
Birthday <UNKNOWN>
_FAMILY_
Previously Divorced
Ex-Wife Name <UNKNOWN>
Daughter Name <UNKNOWN> From Previous marriage
Wife Name Frieda Sorce, married in 1981
Son Name Bart Sorce (Bart named after Bart Starr who visited Donny
when he was in the hospital as a young lad.
Dog Name Brandy. Dumb as a box of rocks. Likes to eat cat
poop. Don thought Brandy was homosexual for a time.
Cat Name Booboo-Kitty. Died. Found dead by Big Frieda in basement.
New cat's name is Furball
Brother Name Jim. Drives a truck. Lives with wife and child
<UNKNOWN>, and <UNKNOWN>
Aunt Name <UNKNOWN>. See Section 8.00 (In)Famous stories for Don's
Aunt <UNKNOWN> Story.
Uncle Name <UNKNOWN>. See Section 8.00 (In)Famous stories for
Don's Uncle <UNKNOWN> Story.
Father-In-Law Name Les. Lives in Ocean City
Mother-In-Law name "Big" Frieda. Lives in Ocean City.
Don has lived most of his life the the Washington D.C. metropolitan
area; specifically in Great Falls, Virginia. Don't believe him when he says
he lives in Dale City in the shadow of Potomac Mills. He has lived in Los
Angeles, and Chicago as well. He spends his time driving his son, Bart, to
school, watching TV on his big Mitsubishi 35", working out (mostly by
jogging, and fulfilling his marital obligations for a few minutes at a time.
#Interesting Facts:
#Longest sustained sexual act: 11 minute
Favorite TV Show: Sar Trek: The Next Generation
Believes God lookslike Jean-Luc Picard. "This is Locutus, of Borg.
Resistance is futile... Number One..."
Has a thing about his feet.
The P stands for Presley.
Was, once, Donald E. Geronimo with the E. standing for Elvis.
Absolutely loves Diet Cherry Coke
2.02 _Mike O'Meara_
A.K.A. - Mikey Blades (Mafia Name #1)
A.K.A. - Mike the Pick (Mafia Name #2)
A.K.A. - Dixon (Of the fake Morning-Zoo-Type Team "The Dixons!")
Birthday <UNKNOWN>
_FAMILY_
Previously Divorced
Ex-Wife Name Bobbi
Fiance Name Laura, A.K.A. Thumbelina. Very short,
like under 5" tall.
Understandably, little is really known about Mike O'Meara. Mike's
life is not nearly the open book that Don's is. What information does come
out usually does at some protest from Mike.
He lives in Annapolis, MD where he drives his rich-guy car to
Fairfax, VA every day for the show. He is engaged to be married to Laura,
a figure skater/Highway-Love-Connection Contestant/Big-Fan. He likes watching
TV, as Don does, but on his "Rich-Guy" satellite dish instead of lowly cable.
Depending on his mood, Mike is either on, or off the sauce.
#Interesting Facts:#
Once led Elvis-like lifestyle for a week when he had liquid Demerol-on-tap
while in the hospital.
Worked as Country&Western DJ in his radio past.
2.03 _Buzz Burbank_
A.K.A. - Mike Ellston (Real Name)
Birthday <UNKNOWN>
_FAMILY_
Wife Name <UNKNOWN>
Buzz worked with Don when he worked in Chicago doing his Morning
show. Don liked having a News-Guy in his show so much, he demanded that he
have one on the show for the past 9 years. Other News-Guys (and Gals) have
been David-David Hanes, Dave Schreiber, and a couple of others who's names I
forget.
#Interesting Facts:#
Looks like G.I. Joe with real life hair and beard
Sounds great when he says "Wow."
2.05 _Sherri Liquor_
A.K.A. - Sherri Elliker (Real Name)
Birthday <UNKNOWN>
_FAMILY_
Husband Name <UNKNOWN>
MetroTraffic sort-of-employee, Sherri is a neurotic Traffic-Reporter
turned Full-Time addition to the Don & Mike Ham & Eggs Radio Network. She
has a bunch of little dogs whom she worries herself into a fright about
constantly. She's obsessive/compulsive to the point where Don & Mike like to
throw paper onto the floor, and laugh as she strains to keep from picking
them up.
#Interesting Facts:#
Dresses as Hillary Clinton for Clintoons, a DC area Political Spoof Team
Wears a lot of black
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3.00 Background Players
3.01 _Diana Sillman_
Birthday <UNKNOWN>
_FAMILY_
UNKNOWN
Don & Mike's producer, and a whirlwind of energy. If anybody has
ever seen Diana at a broadcast site, or has ever seen her during one of
D&M's Las Vegas Style Reviews, you would know that she is relentlessly
pursuing SOMETHING! She's a workaholic, but still finds time to get
ripped, call France, and make fun of them.
#Interesting Facts:#
Worked with D&M at WAVA with Frank Murphy. Quit because of Frank. No
details available.
Between working at WAVA and WJFK, she worked in Baltimore at B100.
After B100, she worked as a 1-900 Phone-Sex operator. Call-sign "Lucia."
Was married some time ago, but is unknown if she is still married.
3.02 _Rob-bay Spiewak_
A.K.A. - Robert Wadams Spiewak Jr. (Real Name)
A.K.A. - Bobby Sparkles (Las Vegas Showman Name)
A.K.A. - Deloris (Pre-operative Transsexual Name)
Birthday <UNKNOWN>
_FAMILY_
Father Name <UNKNOWN>
Mother Name <UNKNOWN>
Grandfather Name <UNKNOWN>
Rob-bay started out at WJFK as an intern, and caught Don's eye
because of his girth (he's a member of the Big-man's club, with Don & Mike),
his Elvis-like sideburns, and the license-plate on his car, "TCB BABY" for
Taking Care of Business, Elvis's catch-phrase.
He's a very friendly guy, and will chat with just about anyone who
approaches him. Don & Mike will periodically send him out wearing his
"Uniform," green shorts, 44DD brassiere, and big-afro-like-wig shouting "Look
at me (pronounced MAY)! I'm Rob-Bay!" He no longer wears the uniform, but
instead wears just shorts, no shirt, and a beret.
Manja! Beve!
3.03 _Stimpy_
A.K.A. - <UNKNOWN> (Real Name)
Production director of WJFK. Burps like nobody's business.
3.04 _Frieda_
A.K.A. - Honey (Don has no good nicknames for Frieda)
Birthday <UNKNOWN>
_FAMILY_
See 2.01, Donald P. Geronimo
Frieda is an interesting character. Generally, you either like her,
or you don't like her. Some people find her to be a refreshing check for
Don's incredible masculinity, where others find her to be a whiney
pain-in-the-ass that won't let Don buy a Porche (See 8.00, (In)Famous
Stories). She is left with the tasks of taking care of the house while her
hubby is gone, paying all the bills, getting the newsletter together, and
driving Bart home from school. She spends her spare time with the
neighborhood ladies' Book Club, and Wine Club or hanging out with the Rypiens.
3.05 _Bart_
A.K.A. - Bart Sorce (Real Name)
A.K.A. - Big Guy (Don's nickname for Bart)
Birthday 1984
_FAMILY_
See 2.01 Donald P. Geronimo
We, the listeners, have had the distinct honor of listening to Bart
grown up from a cute babbling baby to the young man we have today. I
personally got to see Bart beat the living daylights out of 'Hoops' the
Bullets mascot, and even got a photo of it! I even got to play with him for
a few minutes while his daddy was playing softball.
Bart has gone from Barty-o, to Bart the Weatherman, and will even
help pick the winners of the week's football games with his dad, Rudy
Martsky, and Uncle Mike.
#Interesting Facts:#
Would get so engrossed in Sega, he would pee his pants instead of pausing the
game and going to the bathroom.
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4.00 The Listeners
4.01 Dennis Murphy
His voice is unmistakable! The Mad Viking, as Don Calls him, is
always a welcome addition to any show. He as free-reign to call any time he
likes as long as he sings "White Christmas."
I've seen Dennis at the 8th Anniversary Special, and I have video of
him. He's about 5'7" tall, with thinning black har and glasses. He looks
fairly normal, except for his missing hand. Dennis is still a virgin,
despite Don's gift of a trip to a Reno Whore-house. Don told him to 'satisfy
himself' before the actual act. Dennis found, however, that this caused him
to be, sort of, done-for-the-day. He, reportedly, hasn't coupled since.
4.02 Wanda
A.K.A. - Demitrius
Wanda is a pre-operative transsexual with a very distinctive voice.
Loves St. Pauli Girl, and Martinis. Mike does a wonderful impression of her
that pisses Wanda off.
4.03 Steve the Gay Guy
Always organized the Gay and Lesbian Rodeo for D&M, but has moved to
Norfolk, recently. The homosexual voice of D&M.
4.04 Francis
Big Breasted woman with presents for Don to fish for under her huge-
gelatinous breasts. Don always says, "As you can see, I wear my wedding ring
on my left had, that's why I'm reaching with my right hand!" Her presents
always seems to smell of cheese.
4.05 Boom-Boom
Part owner of a strip-o-gram company. Has stripped for Don & Mike
for birthday shows. In fact, has stripped for a friend of mine for his
bachelor party!
4.06 Karl the Merry Jew Grossman
Weird space-cadet kinda guy that shows at every Don & Mike appearance
with his blue-guitar, an Evian bottle, and sometimes, with a model of a human
eye on his head. Has been banned from the show for his weirdness. Has even,
once, professed his homosexuality, but rescinded that later.
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5.00 History
Don Geronimo started in radio at 16 years old. He worked in New York
as a DJ making what he thought was good money, had his own place, and
'made-it' with teachers who heard his voice on the radio. He was a smart-ass
all his life which landed him in trouble, and in-and-out of many radio jobs.
I think he has been fired from some 20 radio stations! Most of the time,
he's been fired for talking too much and playing too few songs.
He has DJ'ed in Los Angeles, Chicago, New York City at WLS, Detroit
at WDRQ (for 6 whole weeks!), and here in Washington in at least 3 stations;
WPGC where he was just Don Geronimo doing his usual music-show, WAVA where he
and Mike O'Meara replaced two old-farts on "The Morning Zoo!" and now WJFK
where their antics are legendary.
Mike O'Meara spent most of his youth sitting in bean-bag chairs in
his parents basement listening to Iron Butterfly and Pink Floyd. Later, he
found his way into radio where he worked a couple of Country Stations, and
eventually, into WAVA in Arlington, Virginia.
Don first joined WAVA (Wave-Uh) in '84 where he did afternoon drive.
His son Bart was just born, and constantly called home to talk to his wife,
Frieda, during the show. Mike worked as, no joke, the Wave-Uh Van-driver.
His job was to schlepp the promotions department's van to and from
appearances. That's where the two met.
They used to yukk it up in the hallways of "The Stinky Station," (and
mind you, it DID smell bad) so much that the program director decided to can
his Morning Zoo show in favor of Don & Mike.
The Morning Zoo show aired from December of 1985 until June of 1992
on WAVA. The program directors, over the years, always tried to keep a
tight rein on them. "Eleven Songs in a row, not ten, not nine, ELEVEN!" "Try
and keep the recurring bits at the same times during the day. If you do Crooks
Are Stupid at 9:00, ALWAYS do it at 9:00." At times, Don & Mike would try
and listen and do what they said, but often, they didn't. They've been
suspended at least twice in my memory.
After a while, Don & Mike came to truly despise program directors for
their meddeling - driving some PD's to tears (Li'l Matt Farber, now working
for MTV whom I met, once. His handshake is like a dead fish. He used to
take his shoes off during meetings and rub his toes.) They even began a
love-hate relationship with the Vice-President/General Manager Alan Goodman.
Big Al (Your Radio Pal), was a balding, annoying little guy who
always gave nicknames to people he worked with. I remember he used to always
say, "Good Morning Dee! Good Morning Emm!" He used to call me Killer,
because I would go out and buy his cigarettes in the morning.
Don and Mike hated working at that station. They gave them no
latitude to do what they wanted, even though their ratings were stellar -
sometimes commanding upwards of a 13 share! They had to get out, but their
contract was very binding. Their frustrations became aparrent several times
when they have walked out of broadcasts, been suspended, and blatently
vocalized their unhappiness. Some of these setbacks caused "rebirths" of
sorts where Don & Mike would go back to their older styles of broadcasting
spawning "The NEW Sound of Don & Mike" and crap like that. One way, or
another, however, Don & Mike were determined to leava WAVA.
Emmiss Broadcasting owned WAVA, but came upon some financial trouble
in 1992. Finally, it was reported that WAVA was up for sale. Salem
broadcasting, a Christian Radio organization, bought out the station almost
immediately, but assured the on-air talent that their jobs were assured in
the reorganization. Even though, Salem didn't own any Top-40 radio stations,
they still pretended that they wouldn't change the format to religeous.
Well, that was Don & Mike's cue to get out. They were given offers
from Los Angeles, and Chicago, but turned them down in hopes that they would
be made an offer from a DC station. They were made an offer from WJFK and
Infinity broadcasting wheras they would buy out Don & Mike's contracts.
Things weren't all rosy at WJFK, either. Not long before their
change-over, their producer, Frank Murphy, booked Leslie Nielson for the
show. At the last minute, Leslie's publicist backed out without explanation.
Don & Mike proceded to rip into Leslie's publicist to the point where she
filed a $15 Million lawsuit against Emmiss Broadcasting, Don, Mike, and
Frank. The lawsuit followed them to WJFK where it ended in an undisclosed
settlement.
Then, finally, in 1993, Don & Mike were syndicated by Infinity.
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6.00 Mike O'Meara's Voices
6.01 Charly Stuangstabilac
Charly was born, 42 years old, on the anniversary of D&M's first show
together, December 15, 1985. Now, nearing 51, he's still one of the most
popular characters on the show. He is described as 6'5", 250lbs, Mr.
Clean-bald, and wears Bib-overalls. He lives in Gaithersburg where he shares
a duplex with his brother Matthew, and his friend Huggybear. If anybody has
ever seen Full Metal Jacket, and remembers the character of 'Private Pyle,'
can imagine what Charly looks like.
Charly has starred in his own hit-TV show on Fox called,
appropriately, "Charly's Place." He has held down several jobs including
various duties at Don's house, construction worker, janitor, private
investigator, ice-cream taster, highway-maintenance engineer, and was also a
nurse for the now-deceased fattest man in the world "Hambone." Considering
his extensive resume, you would never think that Charly hasn't yet graduated
from Gonzaga High-School in Arlington, VA.
6.02 My Cousin Luigi
Don's cousin Luigi came over from Italy just a couple of years ago,
and hasn't yet picked up the language. Although, if you listed carefully,
you might pick out the gist of what he's saying. By far, the funniest voice
in Mike's repitoire.
6.03 Buddy Surrell
From My Three Sons, Buddy needs a squeegie to wipe his face when he's
done talking.
6.04 Raymond Burr
Big Ray is well known for his Ironsides role, as well as his
preoccupation with chocolate. See section 7.00 (In)Famous Stories for more
details.
6.05 Telly Savalas
Who loves ya, Telly? Mamma-Savalas does. Calls at least once-a-week
from Heaven to give Don an update on the goings on up there.
6.06 Arnold Schwartzaneger
Arnold has a problem with phonetic spelling, but has a beautiful
singing voice. A tasty lick on the Don & Mike cafe'.
6.07 Sammy Davis Jr.
Originally, Mike's most perfect voice. Sammy grabbed Don's attention
years ago, when they met. See 7.00 (In)Famous Stories.
6.08 Nick Nolte
Excellent. Has awful breath, and is allways "Looking for my little
dog!" Usually accompanies Don's Richard Dryfuss' "CALL 911!!!"
6.09 Lucille Ball
Sometimes, this voice is rehashed for any female heavy-smoker.
Smokes menthols.
6.10 Ken Beatrice
WMAL (AM-630, in Washington, DC) radio sports-talk DJ. Very funny
voice, if you have ever heard Ken's show. Always ends up the same way, "BYE,
NOW!!"
6.11 Joe Jacoby
Pumpkin-head Joe, former Washington Redskin, is so large that the
Redskins had to contract out to get a helmet built for his super-sized head.
No - No - No - Yeah! My wife enjoys them! I'm turning into Frankenstein!
6.12 Elvis Aaron Presley
Back when Don&Mike and Major Bill Smith were having a bit of a tiff,
Mike was working on his INCREDIBLE Elvis voice. Elvis had aparrently called
D&M through the Major, and sounded slurred, and slow. Mike picked up on it
immediately. See 7.06, Major Bill and Elvis.
6.13 Major Bill Smith
Well, y'all know the Major's on the level. Another great
Mike-voice. Likes to eat Corn on the Cob, and German Potato Salad!
6.14 Alan Goodman
VP/General Manager (former) of WAVA-FM 105.1 in Washington, DC.
Flawless, and always funny. Did some classic bits including the string of
"Alan Goodman" movies: 'Goodman: The Movie", "Goodman: The Lucky Man",
"Goodman: The Prophecy", and "The Last Temptation of Alan Goodman."
6.15 Rusty Ford
Former production director of WAVA. Has to be heard to be believed.
Because nobody knows who Rusty is, anymore, Mike doesn't do the voice. But
when he did it, it was GREEAAAAAAT!
6.16 Maurice Butkus
No longer a voice used by Mike. Maurice appeared as the sports
reporter for Non & Mike at WAVA. He was very effeminate, and blatently a
homosexual character. It was decided that Maurice had to go as to not create
animosity from the homosexual audience. Also doubled as the fashion
reporter.
6.17 Rush Limbaugh
This impersonation has actually gotten rave reviews from the 'rhoid
sufferer, himself! Always suffering from 'inflamed hemmerhoidal tiss-yooo,'
this man frequents the D&M airwaves. Rush must sit on a donut for comfort.
6.18 Rob-Bay Spiewak
Uncanny! Even Rob's grandfather can be fooled! Loves his Krispy
Kreme donuts with rasberry filling.
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7.00 (In)Famous Stories
7.01 Raymond Burr Story
The Big-Ray story was told to me way back in 1988 by Ken Martin, who
ran the "Best of the Morning Zoo" show back at WAVA. I assisted him by
answering the phones, cuing tapes, and helping him edit the show on
weeknights.
Don and Mike have a friend in the law enforcement community that
raids and siezes photographs of people in 'peculiar circumstances.' One of
the photos showed a much younger Raymond Burr lying on the floor with a
younger man squatting under him doing his business IN RAY'S MOUTH! Hence,
his fascination for 'chocolate.'
Wharff!
7.02 Danny Thomas Story
Unfortunately, I do not know a lot about Danny Thomas, but D&M always
refer to him and glass table-tops, and give away the word 'COPROPHELIA.' For
those who have not looked up the word, the long and short of it is, a
copropheliac enjoys fecal matter. As for what "Eggs, Danny-Thomas-Style"
are, I couldn't hazard a guess...
7.03 Aunt <UNKNOWN> Story
Suffice to say, Don's Aunt <UNKNOWN> was a bit drunk at a family
gathering, and cornered a teenage Donny in a walk in-closet, and gave him the
tongue.
7.04 Don's Uncle <UNKNOWN>
I don't know the details, but Don's Uncle is really his brother. I
don't know how, but it's supposedly true. His family tried to hide it from
him, but couldn't.
7.05 Superjock Story
Larry Loojack worked at WLS in New York with Donny when he was about
16 years old. Loojack had a bit of an attitude, and a huge ego. He would
demand that the staff, including Don, call him Superjock. Also, afterhours,
the DJ had the 'buzzer-button' to let people in and out of the
broadcast-building. So, the story goes, one evening, Larry Loojack, a bunch
of Engineers, and Donny were working in the Air-Studio, when Don decided to
leave. When he got to the door, he realized that it was locked. He looked
into the security camera and said, "Hey, Larry, let me out!" Out came a DJ
Puker voice, "Not until you refer to me as Superjock." Don huffed, and
decided he would wait. Well, Don waited for about 2 1/2 hours before he
finally gave in, and called Loojack "Superjock."
Since then, Don has told the story many times, including when Don &
Buzz (Then Mike Ellston) worked with Loojack, and was actually threatened
with a lawsuit to stop telling the story.
7.06 Major Bill and Elvis
Major Bill Smith believes that Elvis is alive, or at least, that's
what he'll tell you. In truth, Don and Mike have been able to weasel it out
of him that he really doesn't believe the big E's alive at all. He has
appeared on numerous talk-shows including D&M's and Geraldo Rivera's.
Once, Major Bill had someone, whom he believed was the real Elvis,
call Don & Mike. Neither of them really believed it was him, but Mike picked
up on the phony-Elvis's voice, and called Major Bill back pretending to be
Elvis. He actually got the ol' Maj to believe that it was really him! That
was the cause of one of the first real fights D&M and Major Bill got into.
Lately, however, Major Bill seems to be being taken advantage of by
someone he calls "The Kid." It seems that the ol' Maj has been sending money
to Elvis through The Kid -- about $100,000 a YEAR for the past few years.
Don and Mike wanted to put a stop to this immediately, and was able to
convice Major Bill to stop it.
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8.00 Terms and Definitions
8.01 DBR - Unknown
8.02 Jag - From the football team "The Jaguars." Don thought
it sounded like a cool put down, i.e. "You Jag-off!"
8.03 Jagillooly - Perturbation of Jag (See above) and Jeff Gillooly.
Another put down.
8.04 Photo-mat - Unreported. It is speculated that Photo-mat refers
to Judge Rheinhold's performance in Fast Times at
Ridgemont High looking at prevocotive photographs
in his photomat booth. Used to display discomfort.
8.05 Manja - Italian (I think) for 'Eat!' Used by Rob-bay.
8.06 Beve - Italian for Drink! Used by Rob-bay.
8.07 My finger - Mike had, in his sleep, scratched himself where the
smells like sun don't shine, and the next morning, affectionate-
butt! ly stroked fiance' Laura's hair. She made the in-
itial exclamation.
8.08 Paint your - A classic tape from the Larry King radio show where
bald-spot? a listener asked about one of his TV appearances
where he interviewed John Candy, and he had less
hair than in a more recent interview. The caller
repeated the question over and over until, finally,
Larry couldn't take it anymore.
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9.00 Games People Play / Recurring Bits
9.01 Low Budget Jeopardy!
Opening:
"And now it's time for everybody's favorite feature 'Low
Budget Jeopardy!' And now, I'd like to open the door to see which one of
Mike's phychotic personalities will be the announcer..."
Door opening sound, and Mike's alter ego comes in. Long discourse
usually follows, and then commercial break.
Mike's alter ego will say, "Now entering the studio is" contestant
#1's occupation, and city of residence. "Please say hi to " name of
contestant #1. Repeats for contestant #2. "And now entering the studio is
the host of Low Budget Jeopardy, and remember DON'T SCREW WITH LQ! Let's
have a big hand for Alex Trebec Geronimo!"
Contestants make usual greetings.
Don goes over the rules of the game which include, "Always call me
Alex, or as we're playing the game, call me LQ - Lord Quizmaster, allways
call him " Mike's alter ego's initials, unless otherwise stated.
Rules:
Two players call in, one is chosen to start off with the first
answer, unless one is a girl to whit LQ uses the "We like girls more than
boys, so you get to go first" clause.
The first player chooses a category. There are 5 categories with 3
answers in each. Each player, once a category is chosen, MUST complete the
entire category before going on to another category. This is more for LQ's
sanity than anything else.
Once the category is chosen, the dollar amount is chosen. The dollar
amounds go from $1 to $2 to $3. Again, LQ's rules state that the player must
go from the lowest to highest dollar amounts so as to not confuse LQ. The
answer is given by LQ, and the player must come up with the question matching
the answer.
Example: The category is Celebrity Bra Sizes. The question is 'Holly
Hunter." The player must respond with "What is 34B?"
The player MUST state his/her response in the form of a question.
Otherwise, the response is ignored, and the second player has a chance to
steal. To steal the right to choose the next answer, and to win the dollar
amount of the category, the first player must answer incorrectly, AND the
second must answer correctly.
When all of the categories are depleted, the scores are tabulated,
and the game moves to final jeopardy. Here, LQ "physically forces [the
players] to bet it all..." The players are given a category and a single
answer. The players are then given about 30 seconds to come up with the
correct question, again, in the form of a question.
LQ, then wishes them good luck, and puts the contestants on hold,
where someone answering the phones will take down the contestants' answers,
and relay them on paper to LQ. Meanwhile, Mike's alter ego tells the
audience what the losers will recieve as a consolation prize. Usually
something bogus like 'Rush Limbaugh's Rush to Excellence Suppositories.'
Then, he will announce, "Back to Low Budget Jeopardy with Alex Trebec
Gironimo."
LQ will bring the contestant back where they will give their
responses on the air. The responses MUST match what they gave the phone
screeners moments ago, or they will be disqualified. A correct answer will
double the cash score, an incorrect answer will knock the player down to zero.
The player with the highest dollar value will win, and have $25 added
to their score. The loser will receve many other gifts which Mike's alter
ego will announce - each item seperated by "But wait...there's more" from
LQ. In the event of a tie, both players will return during the next game for
a rematch. The players will both get to keep their winnings. In the event
both players are knocked down to zero, then two new LBJ contestants will be
chosen for the next game.
The loser is always asked to "Don't go away mad, just go away."
9.02 The Grey Poupon Game
A player on the car phone must pull along side someone else in
another car, and ask them, while on the phone AND on the air, the following:
"Pardon me, but would you have any Grey Poupon?"
The player must speak THOSE words exactly. Any deviation counts as a
disqualification. If the respondant replies with "But of course..." then the
player wins a valuable prize.
9.03 Honk For Cash
The dreaded words 'Honk For Cash' are feared because the game rarely
works out. The player must have a car phone, AND A CAR, The player pulls
into a 'Left Turn Only' lane with a light. The effect is best if the player
is the first or second person in line at the light, and during heavy traffic.
Once the light has turned green, the player must put his phone
outside his car window, and sit silently for 30 seconds. For every
aggrivated honk heard on the phone, the player usually gets cash.
If the player speaks during those 30 seconds, or is otherwise deemed
as a fraud, he is disqualified.
9.04 What My Wife Doesn't Know Won't Hurt Her
This game has been modified, depending on sex, to include "What My
Husband Doesn't Know Won't Hurt Him." Players call in with deep dark secrets
that they haven't told their respective spouses, yet. Those with the darkest
and juiciest stories get to call their spouses, and tell the story. Usually,
big arguments arise, which makes great radio.
9.05 Can You Get To Ten?
One of the greatest games ever created. Don and Mike come up with 10
big lies that the players have to tell, on the air, to their parents. The
players must go from the first lie in order to the last. If the parent
believes him or her, the player wins.
An example game would have lies similar in style to the following:
#1 Oh a whim, decided to take a flight to Las Vegas.
#2 Once there, I thought I might go out for a few drinks
#3 You won't believe it, Wayne Newton was there!
#4 He was falling down drunk.
#5 We got to talking, and really struck up great conversation.
#6 He passed out!
#7 I decided to drive him back to his hotel
#8 When we got there, he came to, and invited me into his hot tub.
#9 We got in the tub, together.
#10 We made glorious love all night.
The game is especially funny if the contestant is male. Also, D&M
have been known to drag out the comedic value of the bit by not getting back
on the phone, and letting the parent know that this was all staged.
9.06 The Donny Countdown
There's a little ratio station playing inside Don's head, and since
there aren't any Radio Stations in Washington DC that plays any good music
consistently, Don comes up with what he believes are the top 20 songs of the
time period (Week, Day, whatever). Hosted by Donny, Buzz, Sherri, and
another Mike O'Meara Personality. Rush Limbaugh makes a good guest-host.
9.07 Rob-bay Calles for Transvestites
Mr. Spiewak calls 1-900 numbers, usually Hot-Transvestite numbers,
and pretends he's a pre-operative transsexual named 'Deloris.' Deloris
doesn't like being laughed at. Probably, the funniest bit to date!
9.08 Charly-grams
Only as Charly can, Charly will call somebody during a special
holiday, usually at the request of a listener, and wish them a Happy
Birthday, or other festive greeting. A mere description does not give this
bit justice! It is another must-hear!
9.09 Who Would You Do?
Someone would ask the men in the room, or on the phone, if they could
only have sex with one or another of two or more choices, which would you
choose. i.e. Who would you do, Rosanne or Delta Burke? The answer, Rosanne,
of course...
9.10 The Phonebooth Challenge
Don would announce the location of a phone booth in a couple of
cities, and call them several minutes later. The location (city) with the
most people congregated at a single phone booth will win valuable prizes.
9.11 Phonebooth Olympics
Contestant will wait at a predetermined phonebooth for Don & Mike to
call. Don would then point out the location of another phonebooth close by,
and have the contestant sprint over to the other location - sometimes SEVERAL
locations.
9.12 Portable Phone Destruction
Contestant would try and find the most entertaining method of
demolishing his/her portable phone. The destruction with the most
'character' wins valuable prizes. Good contestants have driven cars over
them, burned them with kerosene, smashed them with hammers, sawed them in
half with power-saws, ran over them with lawnmowers, but the best one was a
guy who swallowed his phone!
^^^^^^^^^
9.13 Spoons in the Dryer
Contestants are encouraged to put very many NOISY things in the
dryer, sometimes, even their phones. The dryer with the most interesting
sounds crashing through them wins! Good contestants have had shards of
glass, spoons, and bowling balls in the dryer.
9.14 Send us your Balls!
Double Entendre for contestants to send Don & Mike their golf-balls,
beachballs, soccer balls, etc. with their names, addresses and so on for
drawings for valuable prizes.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10.00 Other Information
10:01 Current Stations
Don & Mike Affiliates
-- April 13, 1994 --
1-800-636-1067
1-800-636-6410 F
All times are for each city's respective time zone, except for Indianapolis
which is a time zone in itself (ass-backwards people who won't get in line
with the rest of the world :).
I would imagine the numbers listed are the main numbers for the stations
listed. If your station is a slave to the man and you don't get the entire
show, give them a call or send them a fax.
#1 Washington, DC WJFK 106.7 FM 3P-7P 703-691-1900
#2 Baltimore, MD WJFK 1300 AM 3P-7P 703-385-0189 F
#3 Buffalo, NY WWKB 1520 AM 3P-7P 716-884-5101
716-881-5249 F
#4 Tampa Bay, FL WQYK 1010 AM 3P-7P 813-576-6055
813-577-1324 F
#5 Jacksonville, NC WLAS 910 AM 3P-6P 919-455-9528
919-455-5207 F
#6 Miami, FL WIOD 610 AM 11P-1A 305-754-4311
305-757-7516 F
#7 Charlotsville, VA WCHV 1260 AM 3P-7P 804-977-5566
804-977-0747 F
#8 Indianapolis, IN WNDE 1260 AM 2P-5P 317-257-7565
317-254-9619 F
#9 Mobile, AL WNSP 105.5 FM 2P-5P 205-438-1055
205-432-7066 F
#10 Augusta, GA WGUS 1380 AM 6A-10A 706-855-4000
706-868-4440 F
#11 Reno, NV KIZS 94.7 FM 12P-4P 702-829-1964
(Jawz FM) 702-825-3183 F
#12 Rochester, NY WHTK 1280 AM 7P-10P 716-454-4844
716-454-5081 F
#13 Lafayette, LA KACY 1520 AM 6A-10A 318-232-2632
318-233-2632 F
#14 Hattiesburg, MS WHSY 1230 AM 2P-5P 601-545-1230
601-545-1243 F
#15 Harrisburg, PA WCMB 1460 AM 3P-7P 717-763-7020
717-763-1978 F
#16 Athens, GA WRFC 960 AM 3P-6P 706-549-6222
706-353-1967 F
#17 Wichita, KS KQAM 2P-6P 316-838-7744
316-832-0061 F
#18 Webster, MA WXXW 98.9 FM 3P-7P 508-943-9400
508-943-0405 F
#19 Attleboro, MA WARA 1320 AM 3P-7P 508-222-1320
508-761-9239 F
#20 Lynchburg, VA WMXQ 105.9 FM 3P-7P 703-343-4444
703-343-0616 F
#21 Ocala, FL WTMC 1290 AM 3P-7P 904-629-7400
904-629-2139 F
#22 Hagerstown, MD WARK 1490 AM 3P-7P 301-733-4500
301-733-0400 F
#23 Burlington, IO KCPS 1150 AM 2P-6P 319-754-6698
319-754-8899 F
#24 Fresno, CA KEYX 1400 AM 12N-4P 209-251-8614
209-251-3347 F
#25 Grand Junction, CO KKTK 620 AM 1P-5P
#26 Sacramento, CA KHTK 1140 AM 12N-4P
10.02 Other connections to the Butt Pirates!
FAX-Servers on the Net:
remote-printer.The...@18006366410.iddd.tpc.int
remote-printer.Mo-ron/Don_Ge...@18006366410.iddd.tpc.int
remote-printer.D_and_M/Canadian_F...@18006366410.iddd.tpc.int
remote-printer.Don_and_Mike/Butt-P...@18006366410.iddd.tpc.int
11.02 Don & Mike Newsletter
All you need to do is send a letter requesting to be put on the mailing
list. It don't cost nothin'.
Coron, Inc.
PO Box 8425
Gaithersburg, MD 20898
11.03 Don & Mike Address
The Don & Mike Show
10800 Main Street
Fairfax, VA 22030
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
****************SPECIAL THANKS TO THE FOLLOWING****************
*****************FOR MAKING THIS FAQ POSSIBLE!*****************
John Murray jo...@ukelele.GCR.COM 'de man with the
affiliates list
Bert Roseberry rose...@taney.comdt.uscg.mil Coast-ey with the
US Coast Guard rose...@eisner.decus.org Most-ey
P. Chinn pch...@f47serv.mitre.org Told me what copro-
phelia means!
Chris Paulus He's a Big Fan!
--
_/_/_/ _/_/_/ _/_/ _/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/ fra...@cais.com
_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/_/ John D. Frazier
_/_/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/ _/ _/ _/ Brought To You by
_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/ LEDCo: Stuff That Works
John McGing
Why do I think that Sherri's husband is named Mike?
--
------------------------------------------------------------------
jmc...@access.digex.net Nobody knows the troubles I've seen
jmc...@ssa.gov .... and nobody cares!
J.MCGING on GEnie 70142,1357 on Compuserve Team OS/2
John D Frazier
Yep, you're right on all counts! I'll put those in the FAQ, and put your
name in it for special thanks!
Fraize
Duncan J. Shaw
>#1 Washington, DC WJFK 106.7 FM 3P-7P 703-691-1900
>#2 Baltimore, MD WJFK 1300 AM 3P-7P 703-385-0189 F
Don't D&M do a local hour from 2 - 3 pm on these stations? I seem to
recall hearing them mention a "local hour" on several occasions...
If so, is the local hour just more fun and hijinks? Do they repeat
anything for the national audience?
I also want to say that John did a SUPER job with the FAQ... maybe these
things could be included as well in the next update...
(1) Ken Stevens (who he is, etc.)
(2) Throw in the Phone Scan and Fax Scan explanations
Again, John, great job!
-Duncan
---
Duncan J. Shaw - do...@crl.com Public Affairs Director &
15 Mooring Road Public Relations Director
San Rafael, CA 94901-3514 KSRH 88.1 FM/107.3 Cable FM
(415) 457-8202 College of Marin Radio
Chris Paulus
>fra...@cais.com (John D Frazier) writes in the most excellent FAQ:
>
>recall hearing them mention a "local hour" on several occasions...
The first half hour of that hour is d&m playing tapes, just as they do for
a few mins on the biig network show at 3 PM EST.
>If so, is the local hour just more fun and hijinks? Do they repeat
>anything for the national audience?
As I said above...
>I also want to say that John did a SUPER job with the FAQ... maybe these
>things could be included as well in the next update...
>
> (1) Ken Stevens (who he is, etc.)
>
> (2) Throw in the Phone Scan and Fax Scan explanations
>
>Again, John, great job!
>
>-Duncan
>
>---
>Duncan J. Shaw - do...@crl.com Public Affairs Director &
>15 Mooring Road Public Relations Director
>San Rafael, CA 94901-3514 KSRH 88.1 FM/107.3 Cable FM
>(415) 457-8202 College of Marin Radio
>
I ha8en't seen it yet, as it hasn't hit this cite.
Chris
--
Chris Paulus cpa...@clark.net Howard Stern is God of morning drive!
410-477-8591 CENSORSHIP SUCKS! Don and Mike aRe Gods of aftn. Drive!
CompuServe: 71541,1617 David Letterman is God of Late Night Television!
"A spirit with a vision is a dream with a mission!" -- Rush RACISM SUCKS!
John McGing
>Again, John, great job!
>-Duncan
Yup, B'more and DC get D&M from 2-3 local only. But the 1st 1/2 hour is
generally the cavulcade (a potpourri of soundbites, tapes of highlights,
kind of mind candy for the ears <g>) Then around 2:30 they come on and
do stuff that may or may not make it to the national 4 hours. Sometimes
stuff is held until 3 so it doesn't have to be repeated.
Should Aileen Cunningham, America's #1 psy-chik <g> get a mention too?
She's kinda a regular.
And this is good work! John deserves a case of Cherry Coke and a bouquet
from 800 Flowers <g>
John
Chris Paulus
John,
I'm very impressed with your FAQ. You covered a lot..I'll read it
thoroughly and see if there are any points I can add.
John D Frazier
>>I also want to say that John did a SUPER job with the FAQ...
>
>
>And this is good work! John deserves a case of Cherry Coke and a bouquet
>from 800 Flowers <g>
>
Aw, shucks, guys, I'm blushing!
Seriously, tho. Imagine if Don & Mike got a hold of this FAQ, I'd be
heralded as not A BIG FAN, but more of a psycho stalker. I'm a listener,
and not a caller as I have called a couple of times, and didn't really
have anything good to talk about. Don once told me to "GET OFF MY PHONE!"
during a phone scan back at WAVA.
As a history, I listened to D&M since they started at WAVA, and just loved
them. I was offered a job at WAVA right out of high-school to do some
minor production work, and was also asked to do some of the Best of the
Morning Zoo shows. WOW! Incredible honor, and probably the most fun I've
had getting paid!
However, I discovered that everyone in radio are sharks, and was quickly
devoured by those with higher aspirations than me. A word to the hopeful,
DON'T GET A JOB IN RADIO! IT SUCKS!
Thanks for the praise, everybody. The FAQ is continually being revised
using all of your suggestions. Perhaps when they get the Don finally gets
his book deal we'll have something a little more comprehensive, but we'll
have to do with this until then.
Fraize
Chris Paulus
John D Frazier <fra...@cais.com> wrote:
>As a history, I listened to D&M since they started at WAVA, and just loved
>them. I was offered a job at WAVA right out of high-school to do some
>minor production work, and was also asked to do some of the Best of the
Was your name/voice on the tapes when wava signed off as a "goodbye?"
Chris Paulus
Doug Gentges <dgen...@clark.net> wrote:
>>8.01 DBR - Unknown
>>
>I think DBR = Damn Big Rectum.
>
>Someone posted that on a.f.d&m quite a while ago, and it seems to fit
>
>Thanks for a great effort on the FAQ
>
>Doug
>
>
If that were thecase, they should have been able to say it on the radio.
Doug Gentges
>
>
>Without further ado, here is the OFFICIAL Don & Mike FAQ. This is more
>like an encyclopedia, than a FAQ, but feel free to read it, tear it apart,
>and so on! I want feedback! Also, if you have any additions, deletions,
>or error corrections, I WANNA KNOW ABOUT 'EM!
>
John D Frazier
>
>Was your name/voice on the tapes when wava signed off as a "goodbye?"
>
>Chris
>--
No, I left the station about a year before it was sold. Here's the
chronology:
April, 1988 Captain Dave Fogel 6-10 Jock on WAVA comes to my
High-School Radio station (Low power AM) to help us promote our Graduation
Party for the class of 1988. My friend, Rich and I say, "Well, Dave, the
real reason we asked you here was to ask for jobs!" Dave says, "Well,
actually, I know of some positions opening up!" He helps arrange interviews.
June 15, 1988 Rich and I graduate from High School, and go to our
graduation party. At the party, Dave Fogel shows up out of the blue, and
calls us to the front of the party to announce that we have been hired by
WAVA. In fact, he announces it to the entire Senior Class. Boucoup
chicks eye Rich and I up and down for the first time ;-)
June '88 Rich and I work from Radio Research to doing minor production
through work with Don & Mike. Sometimes, we even get on the air a
June '89 couple of times doing overnights when the actual overnight
jock is out sick. COOL!
July '89 I quit because the Chief Engineer Chip Fetrow hates it
when I touch 'his buttons.'
I, also, taped the final broadcast of WAVA. It was so funny to listen to
because they all were acting like they all loved each other, and that this
was the best group they had ever worked with. In truth, they all hated
each other, and rarely mixed unless alcohol was involved. Man, the
Christmas parties were UNBELIEVABLE!! I'll tell those stories some other
day, tho.
Chris Paulus
Ooo yeah! a d&m insider/wava insider. Love to hear all those stories.
So, sandy weaver and janet were just bs'ing when it sounded as if they wer
about t cry on the last hour of wava?
Karen Rohrbacher
>recall hearing them mention a "local hour" on several occasions...
>If so, is the local hour just more fun and hijinks? Do they repeat
>anything for the national audience?
Yes, the DM show starts at 2 here in Washington, About half of it
is a cavalcade of music bits and voice-overs that they think are funny
that I think Robbay puts together and runs. It always starts with this
really evil sounding voice coming on and saying "Shall we begin?". Sounds
kinda like Satan, as if I knew what Satan sounded like. Anyhow, then
everybody comes on and they just shoot the breeze, buzz a newscast and
sometimes sherry talks. But actual DM talking time is maybe ten or fifteen
minutes before three o'clock and maybe a minute or two at two before the
music starts.
It was during the local show that they first talked about the
Washington and Baltimore ratings, so we knew about it beforehand.
--karen
--
David Conner
Shouldn't Robbay's full name be "Robert Waddams Spivak, Jr."?
"Robbay Spivak" is a takeoff on Washington radio personality Joel A. Spivak.
Chris Paulus
David Conner
: That is rob's real name with no v, but a w.
Are you sure about that? I remember them specifically alluding to the
"Joel A. Spivak" / "Robbay Spivak" connection, and I figured it was a
joke name, much like Rob's real middle name isn't really "Waddams."
Chris Paulus
As far as I know, Robert W. Speewak Jr. is his real name.
John D Frazier
<cpa...@clark.net> wrote: > > >Ooo yeah! a d&m insider/wava insider.
bs'ing when it sounded as if they wer >about t cry on the last hour of
wava? > >Chris
another Planet was phony from the onset. I actually heard her do news on
some local am station. I forget which.
I must say, again, Sandy Weaver was awful cool. I used to hang out after
the Best of show in the studio, and talk about her dogs, and eat sesame
seeds. She had some kind of thing about sesame seeds.
Let's not forget, however, TJ Wright! Now there was a party chick. Don
wasn't kidding when he said she was nasty. She would do overnights after
Capt. Fogel from 10 to 2, and she would play the music REALLY loud, and
dance around the studio, and never new I could see her goofing around from
the News Studio (where I did half of my production work).
More stories another time. Don't wanna shoot my wad to soon!
John McGing
>that I think Robbay puts together and runs. It always starts with this
>really evil sounding voice coming on and saying "Shall we begin?". Sounds
>kinda like Satan, as if I knew what Satan sounded like. Anyhow, then
> --karen
>--
THat soundbite is from Hellraiser II (currently playing on cable, starring
the woman who plays Dax on Deep Space Nine <g>)
SAm Brothers
>
>>Don't D&M do a local hour from 2 - 3 pm on these stations? I seem to
>>recall hearing them mention a "local hour" on several occasions...
>>If so, is the local hour just more fun and hijinks? Do they repeat
>>anything for the national audience?
>
>
> Yes, the DM show starts at 2 here in Washington, About half of it
>is a cavalcade of music bits and voice-overs that they think are funny
>that I think Robbay puts together and runs. It always starts with this
>really evil sounding voice coming on and saying "Shall we begin?". Sounds
I never thought anyone else loved them as much me....
Sam
DGood
> However, I discovered that everyone in radio are sharks, and was quickly
> devoured by those with higher aspirations than me. A word to the hopeful,
> DON'T GET A JOB IN RADIO! IT SUCKS!
I must agree 100%. Radio sucks. I worked in it for five years. The
furtherest I got was 'GRX in Baltimore (part time/weekends) before I tired
of all the B.S.
But don't tell me Don's not a shark!! - The guy has to have balls to call
up member stations' P.D.s and bitch 'em out on the air. And don't
Diana and Billy seem to shake when he calls 'em in the room? The guy has
magnanimous talent - very, very funny - but I'll bet he can be a real
S.O.B. I tend to naively think that Mike's a good guy that lucked into
working with Don who can be the S.O.B. for the team - but then there are
those drinkin' stories... I for one will gladly put any "real life"
stuff away, though, and just enjoy their crazy antics every day!
--
- Do
DGood
--
- Don Good
OLTDavid
signed himself (in part):
> Chris Paulus cpa...@clark.net Howard Stern is God of
> morning drive! 410-477-8591 CENSORSHIP SUCKS! Don and Mike
> aRe Gods of aftn. Drive! CompuServe: 71541,1617 David
> Letterman is God of Late Night Television!
Hey Chris! If I'm real nice, would you add "David Lawrence is the God of Sunday
Night Computer Talk Shows" to you signature? :)
Didn't think so...
David Lawrence
Online Tonight
Chris Paulus
>
>Why do I think that Sherri's husband is named Mike?
Because it is! :)
Chris
--
Chris Paulus cpa...@clark.net Howard Stern is God of morning drive!
410-477-8591 CENSORSHIP SUCKS! Don and Mike aRe Gods of aftn. Drive!
CompuServe: 71541,1617 David Letterman is God of Late Night Television!
Chris Paulus
>another Planet was phony from the onset. I actually heard her do news on
>some local am station. I forget which.
>I must say, again, Sandy Weaver was awful cool. I used to hang out after
Sandy..I liked her way back from Q107 days.
Tj right..hahaha..wasn't she on WPGC for a stint before WAVA?