Cheez-It or Cheez-Its ?
Matthew Lee
You see, a while back Mr. Barry wrote a column about Cheez-It. The actual content of this column has faded from my memory, but, since Barry is a sort of god, I believe that he must be an expert on Cheez-It.
The debate is over the proper way to plurally refer to several Sunshine Cheez-It crackers. I say that the plural of Cheez-It is "Cheez-It." My friend says it is "Cheez-Its."
My argument is based solely on the front, back, and sides of the Cheez-It box. Not once do they use the term "Cheez-Its", even when referring to several of the heavenly little crackers. Stephens argument is based upon the standard rules of the English language, which say that the plural form of most words is attained by adding an "s" to the root.
Stephen and I have written Mr. Barry with the agreement that his word would be the final word in the argument. He never did write us back, however. Hence, the debate continues. If anyone is interested, I would be happy to hear your opinions on the correct way to plurally refer to Cheez-It crackers...
/\/\ a t t
------------
ml...@umr.edu
danny burstein
>A friend of mine and myself have a long standing debate going on. By sharing it with this group, I hope to hear some new points of view. I do not believe the matter can be settled, however, unless Mr. Dave Barry decided to post the final word right he
re on this newsgroup.
>You see, a while back Mr. Barry wrote a column about Cheez-It. The actual content of this column has faded from my memory, but, since Barry is a sort of god, I believe that he must be an expert on Cheez-It.
>The debate is over the proper way to plurally refer to several Sunshine Cheez-It crackers. I say that the plural of Cheez-It is "Cheez-It." My friend says it is "Cheez-Its."
>My argument is based solely on the front, back, and sides of the Cheez-It box. Not once do they use the term "Cheez-Its", even when referring to several of the heavenly little crackers. Stephens argument is based upon the standard rules of the English
language, which say that the plural form of most words is attained by adding an "s" to the root.
to which dan...@panix.com adds:
shouldn't another alternative be: Cheez-s-It, like in Attorney's General
^^^
or courts martial, mothers-in-law, etc.???
--
----------------------------------
dan...@panix.com adds: all the usual disclaimers regarding liability,
intelligence, accuracy apply. spelling disclaimer is doubled.
Harlan Freilicher
Lee) writes:
>The debate is over the proper way to plurally refer to several Sunshine
>Cheez-It crackers. I say that the plural of Cheez-It is "Cheez-It." My
>friend says it is "Cheez-Its."
Sorry. You're both wrong. Like many hyphenated compounds, the root isn't
at the end. For example, the plural of mother-in-law is mothers-in-law
(Honest. You didn't really think I'd go for something as obvious as a
mother-in-law joke, did you?). Thus, the plural of of Cheez-It is actually
"Cheezes-It".
Alternatively, Webster's Revised Fourth International Collegiate
Unabridged Minty Fresh English Dictionary lists two optional plural forms
for "Cheez-It." They are "Cheeze-Iten" and "Those cracker thingies."
I hope this has helped you, but I worry if it has.
--
_________________________________________________________________________
| Harlan Freilicher | "You're not fully dead until you're |
| har...@acpub.duke.edu | Zest-fully dead!" -Crow T. Robot |
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
GOGUEN, PATRICK WILLLIAM
>In article <1993Nov8.0...@umr.edu> ml...@saucer.cc.umr.edu (Matthew
>Lee) writes:
>>The debate is over the proper way to plurally refer to several Sunshine
>>Cheez-It crackers. I say that the plural of Cheez-It is "Cheez-It." My
>>friend says it is "Cheez-Its."
>
Your friend is right......"Cheez-Its" all the way.
Now, there may be some confused readers out there saying....
"But Cheez-It is the brand name, and there is only one of those, even
if you do have several of the actual crackers. The proper plural form would
not be
'Earl, hand me several Cheez-Its.'
but rather
'Earl, hand me several Cheez-It crackers before I smash your
skull with this stale Twinkie which has a density comparable to stainless
steel'"
But I say, if that is how seriously you take the English language,
you need to find something to do in your spare time.
Patrick Goguen
John G. Skosnik
>to which dan...@panix.com adds:
We are dealing with snack food here, which does not follow the rules of
standard English. I.E. Cheez is misspelled, any American student can tell
you it's spelled cheeze ;). The plural form is Cheez-It's, which of
course can be expanded to Cheez-It-is.
--
{ John G. Skosnik -- jsko...@nyx.cs.du.edu }
The Illustrious Brian W. Brown
> A friend of mine and myself have a long standing debate going on.
> The debate is over the proper way to plurally refer to several Sunshine
> Cheez-It crackers. I say that the plural of Cheez-It is
> "Cheez-It." My friend says it is "Cheez-Its."
>
> My argument is based solely on the front, back, and sides of the Cheez-It
> box. Not once do they use the term "Cheez-Its", even when referring
> to several of the heavenly little crackers. Stephens argument is based
> upon the standard rules of the English language, which say that the
> plural form of most words is attained by adding an "s" to the root.
The question is, what is the root of "Cheez-It"?
If the root is "Cheez," then the plural of Cheez-It will be the plural
of Cheez + "-It". Since Cheez is not a real word, we can only speculate
upon its plural. Then again, I'm not even sure how to pluralize "Cheese":
is it "Cheeses" if you are talking about multiple types of cheese, and
"Cheese" if it is all the same kind? Is "Cheeses" a real word? I don't
think it is, so let's go with Cheez as the plural of Cheez.
If the root is "It," we need to decide how the hell the word "It" can
be a root, but who cares since Cheez is not a real word to begin with?
But, the word "It" does not have a plural, so we are making up even
more. Let's go with "Its".
Conclusion: Huh? There was a point to all this? Oh, yes. What the hell
is the root of Cheez-It? I don't know. I would take Cheez-Its to be
the plural of Cheez-It since that sounds better, which is another
grammar rule of the English Language (although not as binding). You would
sound like a damn fool going around saying "Want a snack? Here, have a
couple Cheez-It."
--
c=========* _____
c=========* (-----------)
\\ /// ~~~~~
?########-C bbr...@willamette.edu (Brian W. Brown)
stx...@uoft02.utoledo.edu
-MacGyver
Edward Rice
ML> Stephen and I have written Mr. Barry with the agreement that his word
ML> would be the final word in the argument. He never did write us back,
ML> however. Hence, the debate continues. If anyone is interested, I
ML> would be happy to hear your opinions on the correct way to plurally
ML> refer to Cheez-It crackers...
Write again, enclosing enough dollar that it draws his attention.
Edward Rice
db> shouldn't another alternative be: Cheez-s-It, like in Attorney's
db> General ^^^ or courts martial, mothers-in-law, etc.???
Not exactly like. "Attorney's General" means a General belonging to an
Attorney. "Attornies General" is two or more of the item we know as Janet
Reno. And that would be a LOT of Janet Reno, eh?
My favorite has always been roasts beef and roast beeves, either of which are
correct, although they have different meanings are are unknown to the American
public. But not solely for that reason.
Chipmunk
bbr...@willamette.edu (The Illustrious Brian W. Brown) writes:
> If the root is "It," we need to decide how the hell the word "It" can
> be a root, but who cares since Cheez is not a real word to begin with?
> But, the word "It" does not have a plural, so we are making up even
> more. Let's go with "Its".
It doesn't? Try "Them", "Those", or "These".
I think the plural of Cheez-It should be Cheez-Them. And if you don't
like that, well, Cheez-You!
Ronald
Chipmunk
jsko...@nyx.cs.du.edu (John G. Skosnik) writes:
> We are dealing with snack food here, which does not follow the rules of
> standard English. I.E. Cheez is misspelled, any American student can tell
> you it's spelled cheeze ;). The plural form is Cheez-It's, which of
> course can be expanded to Cheez-It-is.
You must not be familar with the so-called cheese snack foods. As
anyone can tell you, Cheez-It-ISN'T!
Ronald
Salvatore Valente
> A friend of mine and myself have a long standing debate going on.
> [...]
> The debate is over the proper way to plurally refer to several Sunshine
> Cheez-It crackers. I say that the plural of Cheez-It is
> "Cheez-It." My friend says it is "Cheez-Its."
You are both wrong. "Cheez-It" is, and any scholar of the English
language as it pertains to snack foods knows, an irregular noun. Just
as the plural of "mouse" is "mice" (a random example, not in any way
related to the snack food industry), the plural of "Cheez-It" is
"Chooz-It". For example, let's say your friend had a box containing
more than one "Cheez-It" cracker. Furthemore, let's say that you
wanted a handful of said crackers. In this case, you should seek
immediate psychiatric help.
Hope this helps.
--
/* Sal Valente <sval...@athena.mit.edu> */
/* All opinions stated here are shared by my school, my employer, my */
/* friends, my family, a large group of people I've never met, the */
/* entire cast of "Taxi," President Clinton, the Pope, Elvis, and you. */
Chipmunk
sval...@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Salvatore Valente) writes:
> You are both wrong. "Cheez-It" is, and any scholar of the English
> language as it pertains to snack foods knows, an irregular noun. Just
> as the plural of "mouse" is "mice" (a random example, not in any way
> related to the snack food industry), the plural of "Cheez-It" is
> "Chooz-It". For example, let's say your friend had a box containing
> more than one "Cheez-It" cracker. Furthemore, let's say that you
> wanted a handful of said crackers. In this case, you should seek
> immediate psychiatric help.
>
> Hope this helps.
<g>
Let me assure you, under no circumstances would I EVER chooz-it!
The closest word I can think of is "freeze" which, being a verb, has no
plural whatsoever.
Therefore, let me suggest the following meaning for "Cheez":
Cheez: To consume cheese-flavored substances of more air than mass with
little nutritional value and that leave sticky orange gunk on ones
fingertips.
Thus, to Cheez-It, logically, would mean to consume a single Cheez-It
cracker, where 'It' is referring to the cracker.
In this case, the plural of Cheez-It would obviously be, as I in facted
surmised earlier, Cheez-Them. One would say "I want to Cheez-Them"
when one desires to eat brightly colored snacks of no taste nor
nourishment, or "I want some Cheez-Them" when one craves messy
food-substitutes devoid of sustenance.
Ronald
P.S. The above text is not meant to be an emulation of Dave Barry's
writing style. I have discovered that I am not capable of writing in
that way, probably due to excessive influence from over humourous
sources.
Blain Nelson
>> If the root is "It," we need to decide how the hell the word "It" can
>> be a root, but who cares since Cheez is not a real word to begin with?
>> But, the word "It" does not have a plural, so we are making up even
>> more. Let's go with "Its".
>It doesn't? Try "Them", "Those", or "These".
>I think the plural of Cheez-It should be Cheez-Them. And if you don't
>like that, well, Cheez-You!
>Ronald
Excellent point, Ronald. I will amend my personal dictionary to include
Cheez-Them.
John Switzer
I just spent last night reading my Cheez-It Low Salt Snack Cracker box
and discovered that "Cheez-It" never appears without being followed
by "Low Salt Snack Cracker." Thus, the plural would be "Cheez-It Low
Sal Snack Crackers." Of course, if your Cheez-Its aren't low-salt
then this would be just "Cheez-It Snack Crackers."
--
John Switzer | Proof that Truth in Advertising laws aren't
| being enforced:
CompuServe: 74076,1250 | "Sure I have a sweet tooth, but I also have a mind."
Internet: j...@netcom.com | -- Cher, doing a commercial for Equal sweetner
Matthew Lee
: and discovered that "Cheez-It" never appears without being followed
: by "Low Salt Snack Cracker." Thus, the plural would be "Cheez-It Low
: Sal Snack Crackers." Of course, if your Cheez-Its aren't low-salt
: then this would be just "Cheez-It Snack Crackers."
: John Switzer
John,
Sure, the plural of low salt Cheez-It may be as above, but the plural of Cheez- It is definately Cheez-It. On the regular Cheez-It box, it says "Cheez-It" several times without being followed by "snack crackers."
I, the original poster of this argument, appreciate all suggestions up until nowbut I still stand by my argument that the plural of Cheez-It is Cheez-It.
as in: "Stephen, pass me a handful of Cheez-It, please."
Matthew B. Landru
<MVP...@psuvm.psu.edu> writes:
> Does anybody out there know of any ftp sites that holds Dave's articles?
We covered this already. Dave's articles are copyrighted material,
and to put them on an anon-ftp site would be illegal. So if anyone is
doing it, they aren't going to announce the fact.
Either this is in the FAQ, or it should be.
--
Matthew B. Landry
President of Project SAVE
m...@ml7694a.leonard.american.edu
MVP...@psuvm.psu.edu
Victor
Dave Taylor
|> Stephen and I have written Mr. Barry with the agreement that his word would be the final word in the argument. He never did write us back, however. Hence, the debate continues. If anyone is interested, I would be happy to hear your opinions on the cor|> rect way to plurally refer to Cheez-It crackers...
To plurally refer to Cheez-It crackers, do something akin to:
1) Get a bunch of people.
2) Select a leader.
3) When the leader gives the signal, all say "Cheez-It crackers".
Now, if your intent was to refer to multiple Cheez-It crackers, that is
a different matter.
Dave Taylor
But, isn't "Cheez-Them" accusative case? If we're dealing with the subject
of the sentence, would we then use "Cheez-They"?
Mike Steele
Matthew B. Landru <m...@ml7694a.leonard.american.edu> wrote:
>In article <93315.142...@psuvm.psu.edu>
><MVP...@psuvm.psu.edu> writes:
>
>> Does anybody out there know of any ftp sites that holds Dave's articles?
> We covered this already. Dave's articles are copyrighted material,
>and to put them on an anon-ftp site would be illegal. So if anyone is
>doing it, they aren't going to announce the fact.
> Either this is in the FAQ, or it should be.
Yes, it is in fact in the FAQ...
------------
Where Can I FTP/Get Dave's Articles Over the Net?
------------
Dave Barry is a Professional Writer. His job is (I'm not making this up...)
to sit around playing flight simulation games until a thought hits him
(usually just before deadline), write it down, then send it in to his
editor. His articles are not in the public domain.
--Mike
--
+--------------Mike Steele----------------/\-----...@cs.umd.edu------+
| University of Maryland, College Park //\\ uucp: uunet!mimsy!mike |
| Department of Computer Science \\// voice: (301)405-2720 |
+--CAUTION: .sig may contain small parts. \/ Not for children under 3--+
Harlan Freilicher
>
>I just spent last night reading my Cheez-It Low Salt Snack Cracker box
>and discovered that "Cheez-It" never appears without being followed
>by "Low Salt Snack Cracker." Thus, the plural would be "Cheez-It Low
>Sal Snack Crackers." Of course, if your Cheez-Its aren't low-salt
>then this would be just "Cheez-It Snack Crackers."
>
having too much free time. But actually, a friend of mine who's a writer
came up with the same answer. Basically, companies are terrified of their
trademarked brand names becoming public domain by becoming synonymous with
the product, like kleenex or jello. So they make a point of adding the
actual name of the product; Oreo sandwich cookies, Xerox photocopies, or
Pop-Tarts toaster pastries. It doesn't really work, of course, but I guess
if it makes them feel better then it's okay with me.
--
_________________________________________________________________________
| Harlan Freilicher | "Who? Who is testing Gypsy? |
| har...@acpub.duke.edu | -Gypsy |
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chipmunk
dta...@empros.com (Dave Taylor) writes:
> But, isn't "Cheez-Them" accusative case? If we're dealing with the subject
> of the sentence, would we then use "Cheez-They"?
Ah, a very good point. Yes, "Cheez-They" would be correct for the
subject of a sentence.
Ronald
(Assuming, of course, that "Cheez-They" is the correct pluralization of
"Cheez-It".)
Dan Tilque
> db> From: dan...@panix.com (danny burstein)
>
> db> shouldn't another alternative be: Cheez-s-It, like in Attorney's
> db> General ^^^ or courts martial, mothers-in-law, etc.???
>
>Not exactly like. "Attorney's General" means a General belonging to an
>Attorney.
The apostrophe in "Attorney's General" is there to let you know the word
is ending with an S.
I first heard the above line from Dave, but does anyone know if it's
original with him?
>"Attornies General" is two or more of the item we know as Janet
>Reno. And that would be a LOT of Janet Reno, eh?
Perhaps, although my dictionary says to pluralize it as "Attorneys
General". Besides which, most of your better class states have an
Attorney General, so it could be refering to several of them.
---
Dan Tilque -- da...@teleport.com
"And Dios knew that [the] Net was the Supreme God...
-- Terry Pratchett, Pyramids
David Lesher
# >Not exactly like. "Attorney's General" means a General belonging to an
# >Attorney.
# >"Attornies General" is two or more of the item we know as Janet
Attorni General ;-?
--
A host is a host from coast to coast..wb8foz@skybridge.scl.cwru.edu
& no one will talk to a host that's close............(301) 56-LINUX
Unless the host (that isn't close).........................pob 1433
is busy, hung or dead....................................20915-1433
Dan Harkless
;^> ;^> ;^> ;^> ;^> ;^>
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
| Dan Harkless | "The sore in my soul |
| d...@cafws1.eng.uci.edu | The mark in my heart -> Front 242, |
| dhar...@bonnie.ics.uci.edu | Her acid reign..." Tragedy >For You< |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jacob C Kesinger
>In article <CGCGE...@empros.com>, Dave Taylor <dta...@empros.com> wrote:
>>In article <CG8As...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>, Ronald.J...@dartmouth.edu (Chipmunk) writes:
>>|> In article <CG771...@willamette.edu>
>>|> bbr...@willamette.edu (The Illustrious Brian W. Brown) writes:
> ;^> ;^> ;^> ;^> ;^> ;^>
^^^ ^^^ ^^^ ^^^ ^^^ ^^^
Hey! These aren't Cheez-Those!
<;^> <;^> <;^> <;^>
There.
--Jake
