WLNR - June 27, 2001 (The Whole Nine Yards)
wiggie
June 27, 2001
http://www.angelfire.com/tv/skinnerville2/wlnr.html
**Information for Ye Olde Recappe
Guests:
(1) Bridget Fonda (http://us.imdb.com/Name?Fonda,+Bridget)
(2) Kevin Pollak (http://www.kevinpollak.com)
(3) Louis CK (http://www.louisck.com)
Skits:
(1) 3 New Names for North Dakota
(2) Patterns
(3) Hurting Back? Contingency plan.
Quotes:
-Conan: "Former President Clinton, he will just not go away...he's like
the thing from the swamp..."
-Conan: "That's the point of this joke...about how good and competent he
is."
-Conan: "We have a big Dubai crowd here."
-Conan: "Folks , if you're going to go with a new name, go with a *good*
new name...take it from Conan O'Brien...what were they thinking..."
-Conan: "We like that one cause it makes no sense"
-Conan: "Pack up the car, come on kids, we're going to North
Vigoda...where they show "Fish" reruns all the time, okay...no one knows
what the hell I'm talking about...he had a show in the 70s called
"Fish"...yes...okay. I just got the Rabi back on my side."
-Conan: "I'm so pretty!"
-Bridget: "Can I touch?"
-Conan: - "My card here says "You play a whore!" "
-Conan: "The original title of the movie was not "The Barefoot Hooker""
-Kevin: "He pokes in the eye with a stick and says "gorgeoous! gorgeous!"'
Questions:
-It's damn freaking hot (yes, that hot) lately, so my question once again
turns to ice cream...you're at a sundae bar...what do you put on for
toppings?
-What's your favourite kind of soda pop? (see, I used both to appease
everyone - http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~almccon/pop_soda/ ).
-Anyone remember OK Soda?
-If you were a robotic bear, what would you being doing right now?
Show Rating:
-On a scale of * (poor) to ***** (fab-fucking-tabulous), how would you
rate this show? Why?
**Wiggie's Corner
-No, this is not porn spam. Well...it could be, if anyone has any
requests.
-Okay, finally, no french nun movies taped instead, no broken VCRs, no
taping of Conan, and having the show with a beach volleyball soundtrack
behind it instead of the correct audio taping, and no cable going out at 1
am for the rest of the night, so I can't tape anything...finally, I get to
see the show again. This episode better rule, else I'll beat up the guy
who invented Diet Pepsi.
-There's *always* room for Jello, damnit.
-I find anti-musician websites funny...hating something so bad, that you
have devote time into making a manifistation of your hate for all to see.
http://www.searchlord.com/cgi-bin/ad/searchlord.cgi/Arts/Music/Anti-Music/
-Bah, I'll continue to ramble and make these long and boring. It fills my
time. In fact, it's too hot to do anything but sit here, I'm done all my
work for the day, so I'm going to make this the longest recap...ever. The
top information stuff is the only important part anyways...the rest is my
guilty amusement.
**Monologue
Joke 1: Clinton News: Last Night, former President Clinton spoke at a high
school graduation in NY, and he told the students he wishes he was 35-40
years younger...not only that, he told the female students he wishes they
were 2-3 years older.
-...'cause he likes getting him some tail...if they're the right age.
Joke 2: Bush News: Yesterday in Washington, President Bush met with the
Prime Minister of Israel...there was one awkward moment when Bush asked,
"hey, if you're jewish...how can you be a minister?"
-...'cause Bush is a moron, and doesn't know the difference between kinds
of ministers.
Joke 3: Interesting News: The middle eastern country of Dubai has started
seizing videos of the movie "Charlie's Angels" cause they said the movie
offends Islam...apparently they got pissed off when the realized
"Charlie", is played by Salman Rushdie.
-...'cause them Islam people don't like that there feller, donchaknow.
-uffda!
-The fans love that Charlie's Angels offends Islam.
Joke 4: Weird Story: Yesterday Matt Lauer left the Today Show early so he
could be there early for the birth of his son...apparently he got there
late, and his wife was screaming "Where in the world is Matt Lauer??!"
-...'cause...get it? Just like the segment on the Today Show. Clever, eh?
-Why did Conan call that weird news?
-Conan loves it when women are both beautiful *and* talented. Fist
bitingly good.
-Yes, Kevin Pollak is in *every* movie. Including "The Whole Nine Yards",
which you can buy online at http://www.amazon.com
**Desk Time
-It's a hot time, summer in the city. Back of my neck getting hot and
gritty. Gritty?
-*is interested in North Dakota* *has no idea where that is*
-"North" makes people think that North Dakota is barren and cold? What
must they think of Canada...wait a second, I bet no one even thinks about
Canada.
-"Dakota" sounds just like a girl's name, not a state name. Needs
directions, like North, else how are we gonna find it?
-Conan: "Folks , if you're going to go with a new name, go with a *good*
new name...take it from Conan O'Brien...what were they thinking..."
**3 New Names for North Dakota
1. Very North Florida
2. Haley Joel Osmentia
-Conan: "We like that one cause it makes no sense"
3. North Vigoda
-Conan: "I would go to North Vigoda"...that sounds vaguely perverted.
-Conan: "Pack up the car, come on kids, we're going to North
Vigoda...where they show "Fish" reruns all the time, okay...no one knows
what the hell I'm talking about...he had a show in the 70s called
"Fish"...yes...okay. I just got the Rabi back on my side."
-I love his delivery of that ramble.
**Patterns
1. A tack - a nail - the Mets pitching staff - Jenna Bush. These things
are more and more likely to get hammered.
-...'cause Jenna likes to drink.
2. The Planet Neptune - A TV dinner - A Popsicle - Martha Stewart. These
things are more and more likely to have a frozen center.
-...'cause Martha is a cold bitch.
3. A bicycle - a station wagon - a bus - Max Weinberg. These things are
more and more likely to transport teenage girls across state lines.
-I'm not explaining that one.
-Conan: "Do something twice and you're forever branded."
4. A Cadillac - a museum - a treasure chest - Cathrine Zeta-Jones. These
things are more and more likely to have something old in them.
-...'cause Michael Douglas' old penis has been inside her.
5. The starting line-up of the L.A. Lakers - The Jackson 5 - The
Backstreet Boys - NSync. These people are more and more likely the enjoy
showering together.
-...'cause NSync is gay.
6. A Cave Explorer- A Forest Ranger - A Monk - Conan O'Brien. These things
are more and more likely when working to hear nothing but silence.
-...'cause Conan isn't funny.
-He gets his pity that he loves.
7. A pitchfork - a rake - a shovel - Christina Aguilara. These things are
more and more likely to be mistaken for a Ho.
-...'cause Christina Aguilara looks like a whore.
-Conan is keeping that one in his coat.
**Bridget Fonda
-She was not in "The Whole Nine Yards", which is easily purchased, online,
at
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0790750414/o/qid=993747983/sr=2-2/ref=aps_sr_v_2_1/102-6407142-9011368
-Conan feels he looks beautiful tonight. Bridget agrees.
-Conan: "I'm so pretty!"
-Bridget: "Can I touch?"
-Amazing action sequences in the movie..thus the clip they show, has no
action in it.
-Conan can't do the pool ball kicking in a gun fight thing. But it's
harder than Jet Li makes it look.
-The crowd loves Jet Li more than Bridget.
-Conan mocks her cartoonish acting skills.
-She does no fighting in the film, just running and hiding. Who says it's
hard for a woman to get good roles in movies these days?
-Apparently running in platform thigh boots on cobblestone is harder than
any action sequence that Jet Li could do. Conan knows that it's true, he's
been there, done that.
-Conan: - "My card here says "You play a whore!" "
-Bridget brought her own whore clothes to the set...from France.
-Conan: "The original title of the movie was not "The Barefoot Hooker""
-Conan remembers Bridget's short-shorts from "Jackie Brown".
-Conan wore his police outfit from his part in a failed tv pilot off the
set, and bossed people around. Life is good.
-You have to research the role of being "oogled" by men while wearing hot
shorts.
-She got mistaken for Helen Hunt...'cause Helen Hunt often goes to pool
halls in hot shorts.
-Other people she's been mistaken for: Jodie Foster.
-Conan gets mistaken for: Fabio. Why? Man boobs.
-Bridget hears that the clips of movie aren't as good as the rest of the
movie. That's the rumour. She hopes so at least, cause she wants to be
excited.
-Too many movies involve people getting married to dogs... at least it's a
common occurance in Conan's view.
-Well, Bridget at least seemed to enjoy herself.
**Hurting Back? Contingency plan.
-One fan yelps in incredible happiness when Conan said he threw his back
out. Why?
-The best new look for the show...Conan laying on his side, and the desk
and chair positioned to go with that...then rotating the camera so he
looks like he's sitting up straight...
-I don't know why...but the pencils falling to the floor over and over was
funny....
-Conan enjoys bouncing his ball attatched to a stick...great
entertainment.
-Conan just doesn't want one pill...he wants many, many pills....
-Disorientation is amusing.
-Conan: "We film this in New York...what the hell was that all about?"
...fans hate NY baseball coaches.
-What a cute fake dog...Conan bitchslaps it away.
**Kevin Pollak
-You can also get "The Whole Nine Yards", which stars Kevin Pollak, on DVD
at amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0790750422/o/qid=993748037/sr=2-1/ref=aps_sr_d_1_1/102-6407142-9011368
-Anyone got any opinions on "Fear Factor"? Not that Kevin Pollak is in
that, like he is in "The Whole Nine Yards", which could be bought at
http://www.amazon.com . I just happened to see a commercial for it while
fastforwarding.
-Conan envelopes Kevin into his huge embrace.
-Air Conditioning would be so nice.
-Kevin is taking singing and dancing lessons. He's taking the lessons to
get a better chance to see "The Producers". Conan went last week. Conan is
a big time celebrity and gets in easily.
-He pulls out a Christoper Walken kicking it oldschool impression.
-He's going tonight/went tonight...taped show time warp.
-Dr. Dolittle 2 is doing "okay".
-He has two words of advice for The Rock..."Hulk Hogan"...'cause Hulk's
acting career isn't...distinguished. "Mr. Nanny"?
-Kevin loves him some "Quicken is the only Jewish video game" jokes.
-The girls Kevin dated in his youth were the "Slow and the Curious".
-Kevin thinks that The Crocodile Hunter is a misleading name...that he
should be called the Crocodile Irritator.
-Kevin: "He pokes them in the eye with a stick and says "gorgeoous!
gorgeous!"'
-He does his Steve Irwin impression for awhile.
-When Conan left his dog with his brother, he missed him, and talked to
him over the phone in baby talk...
-Kevin insist that he taught a dog to say "Thanks for the chick-filet"
-He taught a bird to do a woody woodpecker impression when Jehovah's
Witness come to the door.
-Conan just *has* to ask Kevin to do his Shatner impression...Conan is a
junkie for it, it's his favourite thing in the whole world.
-His impression: Shatner hosting Iron Chef.
**Louis CK
-A very not regular afcob poster on the show.
-Conan loves saying "Pootie Tang", just as much as Corey3rd loves talking
about it.
-"Pootie Tang" will probably eventually be available on www.amazon.com,
similar to "The Whole Nine Yards".
-Conan went to CK's wedding, had a good time, sceamed at his wife after a
few drinks...
-CK can't stand when his wife corrects how he pronounces words.
-He says "pianist" like "Cha-cha-CHA CHA!"..."then she gets all British on
me".
-CK thinks people on the subway and everywhere are always judging CK.
-People would give you dirty looks if you yelled "I like when women pee on
me!" *and* if you yell "I don't like when women pee on me!", according to
the Book of CK.
-Conan: "I hate that"
-Conan: "It's wrong"
-He plugs http://www.louisck.com , as have I, as that's the second time
I've mentioned it.
-He gives some of his bad jokes from his website, cause people love to
hate bad jokes.
Joke 1: Why can't a soldier look wistfully across the ocean? 'Cause
there's no "gaze" in the military.
Joke 2: What do you call a lesbian who drives in a Ford Windstar full of
penises? a Dick Van Dyke.
-People liked that one, so it failed.
Joke 3: What do you call a dog that doesn't lick his ball? A Dogsn't.
-Hate these? Get more at http://www.louisck.com/bad_jokes.html , part of
http://www.louisck.com
-They can't show a clip of "Pootie Tang" 'cause the dogsn't joke took up
too much time. Nothing good can come of dogs not licking their balls.
-Brian
wigg...@yahoo.ca
http://www.chebucto.ns.ca/~ai251/Profile.html
Conan Lover
> -Kevin: "He pokes in the eye with a stick and says "gorgeoous! gorgeous!"'
Thats so damn true, it almost isn't funny........... *ALMOST!*
> Questions:
>
> -It's damn freaking hot (yes, that hot) lately, so my question once again
> turns to ice cream...you're at a sundae bar...what do you put on for
> toppings?
It gets hot up there in o-ca-na-da? he he he
Whiped cream and m&ms and ketchup (What?)
> -What's your favourite kind of soda pop? (see, I used both to appease
> everyone - http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~almccon/pop_soda/ ).
Ya i got that web site off of Skinnervill, great place! Lest goooooo
wiiiiith, Mothen Dew: Code Red (its new)
> -Anyone remember OK Soda?
Can't say i do, but someone will explane what it is and i'll rember or think
your insane
> -If you were a robotic bear, what would you being doing right now?
Eathing cute little robotic forist animals
> Show Rating:
>
> -On a scale of * (poor) to ***** (fab-fucking-tabulous), how would you
> rate this show? Why?
It was FAB-FUCKING-TABULOUS! Just because i like saying
fab-fucking-tabulouse....
> **Wiggie's Corner
>
> -No, this is not porn spam. Well...it could be, if anyone has any
> requests.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwww
> -There's *always* room for Jello, damnit.
damn right!
--
-Jessy (not Todd)
The quirky sidekick, that can't spell
AIM: conanlover1
ICQ: 114962983
www.geocities.com/conanlover1
Mr. & Mrs. Zambesi
> Questions:
>
> -It's damn freaking hot (yes, that hot) lately, so my question once
> again turns to ice cream...you're at a sundae bar...
No, I'm not.
> what do you put on for toppings?
n/a
> -What's your favourite kind of soda pop? (see, I used both to appease
> everyone - http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~almccon/pop_soda/ ).
Ummh, Pepsi? Although I usually just drink tap water.
> -Anyone remember OK Soda?
Not me.
> -If you were a robotic bear, what would you being doing right now?
Masturbating?
> Show Rating:
>
> -On a scale of * (poor) to ***** (fab-fucking-tabulous), how would you
> rate this show? Why?
Judging from this recap, *** and a half. (Why is there no ASCII symbol for
'half a star'?)
> **Wiggie's Corner
>
> [ ... ] having the show with a beach volleyball soundtrack
> behind it instead of the correct audio taping,
How did you do that?
> This episode better rule, else I'll beat up
> the guy who invented Diet Pepsi.
Because if this episode rules, Diet Pepsi tastes better all of a sudden?
> **Monologue
>
> Joke 1: Clinton News: Last Night, former President Clinton spoke at a
> high school graduation in NY, and he told the students he wishes he was
> 35-40 years younger...not only that, he told the female students he
> wishes they were 2-3 years older.
This almost sounds as if Clinton was deliberately saying it as setup for
a Late Night joke.
> Joke 3: Interesting News: The middle eastern country of Dubai has
> started seizing videos of the movie "Charlie's Angels" cause they said
> the movie offends Islam...
It also offends the intelligence of the viewers.
> **Desk Time
>
> -*is interested in North Dakota* *has no idea where that is*
It's north of South Dakota.
*hopes that this is true, as he has no map at hand*
> **3 New Names for North Dakota
>
> 1. Very North Florida
> 2. Haley Joel Osmentia
>
> -Conan: "We like that one cause it makes no sense"
Me too.
> **Patterns
>
> 3. A bicycle - a station wagon - a bus - Max Weinberg. These things are
> more and more likely to transport teenage girls across state lines.
I like that one.
> -Conan: "Do something twice and you're forever branded."
And this one's even better.
> 4. A Cadillac - a museum - a treasure chest - Cathrine Zeta-Jones. These
> things are more and more likely to have something old in them.
Oh please... Why are they doing this, anyway? She's not Anna Nicole Smith.
> 5. The starting line-up of the L.A. Lakers - The Jackson 5 - The
> Backstreet Boys - NSync. These people are more and more likely the enjoy
> showering together.
>
> -...'cause NSync is gay.
Why are 'N Sync gayer than the Backstreet Boys? I bet the writers had a
discussion about which boy band to put at the end of that pattern.
> 7. A pitchfork - a rake - a shovel - Christina Aguilara. These things
> are more and more likely to be mistaken for a Ho.
I don't get it.
> **Bridget Fonda
>
> -Other people she's been mistaken for: Jodie Foster.
Poor Bridget.
> **Hurting Back? Contingency plan.
>
> -One fan yelps in incredible happiness when Conan said he threw his back
> out. Why?
Maybe it happened to him too, so now he's happy he shares something with a
celebrity.
> -Disorientation is amusing.
Well... perhaps sometimes.
> -What a cute fake dog...Conan bitchslaps it away.
What?
> **Kevin Pollak
I always thought he was spelled Pollack, but I'm too lazy to check right
now.
> -Air Conditioning would be so nice.
No, it sucks.
> -When Conan left his dog with his brother, he missed him, and talked to
> him over the phone in baby talk...
Oh no. I'm losing my respect for him.
> -Kevin insist that he taught a dog to say "Thanks for the chick-filet"
Well, it's possible.
> **Louis CK
>
> Joke 1: Why can't a soldier look wistfully across the ocean? 'Cause
> there's no "gaze" in the military.
Hello? Dr. Punishment? Could you come over right now? It's urgent!
> Joke 3: What do you call a dog that doesn't lick his ball? A Dogsn't.
??
> Nothing good can come of dogs not licking their balls.
That is pure wisdom.
Christian
--
"I would take some lox, but I don't have any keys."
wiggie
>
>Wiggie wrote:
>
>> Questions:
>>
>> -It's damn freaking hot (yes, that hot) lately, so my question once
>> again turns to ice cream...you're at a sundae bar...
>
>No, I'm not.
Your imagination is lacking, lad.
>> -If you were a robotic bear, what would you being doing right now?
>
>Masturbating?
That's the easy way out.
>
>> Show Rating:
>>
>> -On a scale of * (poor) to ***** (fab-fucking-tabulous), how would you
>> rate this show? Why?
>
>Judging from this recap, *** and a half. (Why is there no ASCII symbol for
>'half a star'?)
Because keyboards are stuck in 1991.
>
>> **Wiggie's Corner
>>
>> [ ... ] having the show with a beach volleyball soundtrack
>> behind it instead of the correct audio taping,
>
>How did you do that?
I have no idea. Actually, I'm too stunned to think of an answer since I
turned on the tv and found out I was traded to the Chicago Bulls.
http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/news/ap/20010627/ap-nbadraft-pick2.html
>> the guy who invented Diet Pepsi.
>
>Because if this episode rules, Diet Pepsi tastes better all of a sudden?
Nope, because I like taking random violence to new artistic levels.
>
>> **Monologue
>>
>> Joke 1: Clinton News: Last Night, former President Clinton spoke at a
>> high school graduation in NY, and he told the students he wishes he was
>> 35-40 years younger...not only that, he told the female students he
>> wishes they were 2-3 years older.
>
>This almost sounds as if Clinton was deliberately saying it as setup for
>a Late Night joke.
It'd be funny if he started doing that...intentionally saying things just
to see what jokes will be made about it later. Everyone has to have a
hobby.
>> **Desk Time
>>
>> -*is interested in North Dakota* *has no idea where that is*
>
>It's north of South Dakota.
In theory.
>
>Oh please... Why are they doing this, anyway? She's not Anna Nicole Smith.
Nothing against her...they just hate Michael Douglas?
>
>> 5. The starting line-up of the L.A. Lakers - The Jackson 5 - The
>> Backstreet Boys - NSync. These people are more and more likely the enjoy
>> showering together.
>>
>> -...'cause NSync is gay.
>
>Why are 'N Sync gayer than the Backstreet Boys? I bet the writers had a
>discussion about which boy band to put at the end of that pattern.
I think you should research which band looks more homosexual by looking at
various posters of them for hours. I wonder if the Late Night staff goes
through the details that thoroughly.
>
>> 7. A pitchfork - a rake - a shovel - Christina Aguilara. These things
>> are more and more likely to be mistaken for a Ho.
>
>I don't get it.
If I spell it like "hoe", the garden tool, does that help?
>
>> -What a cute fake dog...Conan bitchslaps it away.
>
>What?
Exactly.
>
>> **Kevin Pollak
>
>I always thought he was spelled Pollack, but I'm too lazy to check right
>now.
Same here, but that's what IMdB tells me, as well as his official homepage
url.
>> Joke 3: What do you call a dog that doesn't lick his ball? A Dogsn't.
>
>??
It's not supposed to be funny, so don't worry about it.
>
>> Nothing good can come of dogs not licking their balls.
>
>That is pure wisdom.
As well as simple common sense.
-Brian
wigg...@yahoo.ca
Mr. & Mrs. Zambesi
>>> -It's damn freaking hot (yes, that hot) lately, so my question once
>>> again turns to ice cream...you're at a sundae bar...
>>
>>No, I'm not.
>
> Your imagination is lacking, lad.
No, I'm just not at a sundae bar.
>>> -If you were a robotic bear, what would you being doing right now?
>>
>>Masturbating?
>
> That's the easy way out.
Yeah, I know... It's too hot to be creative. And the fact that I'm not
at a sundae bar doesn't help, either.
> Actually, I'm too stunned to think of an answer since I turned on the tv
> and found out I was traded to the Chicago Bulls.
> http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/news/ap/20010627/ap-nbadraft-pick2.html
Wow, you sound much whiter than you look.
>>> 7. A pitchfork - a rake - a shovel - Christina Aguilara. These things
>>> are more and more likely to be mistaken for a Ho.
>>
>>I don't get it.
>
> If I spell it like "hoe", the garden tool, does that help?
Ah, thanks. Now I like that joke too (although I don't actually know what
Christina Aguilera looks like).
>>> **Kevin Pollak
>>
>>I always thought he was spelled Pollack, but I'm too lazy to check right
>>now.
>
> Same here, but that's what IMdB tells me, as well as his official
> homepage url.
Which of course means that you're right and I was wrong all those years.
Will I be able to live with this shame?
Christian
--
"Enjoy my forehead!"
Fancy
>> and found out I was traded to the Chicago Bulls.
>> http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/news/ap/20010627/ap-nbadraft-pick2.html
>
>Wow, you sound much whiter than you look.
That sucks there Wiggie, especially since everyone knows the Bulls suck
since Steve Kerr, Toni Kukoc and Luc Longley left. And ONLY those three. But
good luck with that. I didn't know you were from Compton.
gena*
Pin, or keychain.
Carrie P.
>
> -It's damn freaking hot (yes, that hot) lately, so my question once again
> turns to ice cream...you're at a sundae bar...what do you put on for
> toppings?
Nothing. Ice cream tastes better plain.
> -What's your favourite kind of soda pop? (see, I used both to appease
> everyone - http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~almccon/pop_soda/ ).
Canned caffeine free Pepsi.
> -Anyone remember OK Soda?
I don't.
> -If you were a robotic bear, what would you being doing right now?
Scaring little children.
> Show Rating:
>
> -On a scale of * (poor) to ***** (fab-fucking-tabulous), how would you
> rate this show? Why?
****, mostly because the middle bit and Kevin Pollak's segment were
actually pretty good.
-Carrie P.
Allison
>Christina Aguilera looks like).
You ain't missin' much
Allie
------------------------------------------------------------
"I have fantasies when I disgrace myself in the shower." -Ryan Stiles as
Lewis "The Drew Carey Show"
"I hope someone finds me." -Brad Sherwood (CIF 5/2/01)
"I spit on you!" -Kevin Dorff (CIF 5/6/01)
------------------------------------------------------------
wiggie
>
>> -Anyone remember OK Soda?
>
>I don't.
>
I've already lost my patience with everyone not remembering OK Soda...I'm
just hoping it's because everyone either didn't have it in their
particular area, or are too young...
For a history course for everyone:
http://www.altculture.com/aentries/o/okxsoda.html
http://home.pacifier.com/~ntierney/oksoda.htm
http://home.earthlink.net/~csasaki/ok/index.html
It even has it's own newsgroup:
alt.fan.ok-soda
*brings back memories of OK Soda being given out for free at his high
school prom in '96*
And Conan should drink OK Soda. And he would, if it was still out there,
and he wasn't rich.
-Brian
wigg...@yahoo.ca
http://www.chebucto.ns.ca/~ai251/Profile.html
Minnesota Fats
> -Conan: "We have a big Dubai crowd here."
Unlike the usual big "doobie" crowd...
> Questions:
>
> -It's damn freaking hot (yes, that hot) lately, so my question once again
> turns to ice cream...you're at a sundae bar...what do you put on for
> toppings?
Bars aren't open on Sundaes.
> -What's your favourite kind of soda pop?
Ice cold, fresh-from-the-can, throat-ripping Coca-Cola.
> -Anyone remember OK Soda?
Nope... but when one sets his product up to a standard of mediocrity,
what does one expect?
> -If you were a robotic bear, what would you being doing right now?
I'd be convincing PETA assholes that my fur is indeed synthetic.
> -On a scale of * (poor) to ***** (fab-fucking-tabulous), how would you
> rate this show? Why?
I rate it O.K. soda.
> **Wiggie's Corner
>
> -No, this is not porn spam. Well...it could be, if anyone has any
> requests.
*whispers in his ear*
> -There's *always* room for Jello, damnit.
Such a thin little box.
> -uffda!
Eat too much, dere? Yah, I know how dat goes.
> -The fans love that Charlie's Angels offends Islam.
It was the Soul Train scene, I know it.
> -It's a hot time, summer in the city. Back of my neck getting hot and
> gritty. Gritty?
Also, it's "Hot in the city, hot in the city toni-iight"
*never misses an opp to quote The Idol, even though worshipping idols
is against her religion*
> -*is interested in North Dakota* *has no idea where that is*
I think it's near Win-a-pig.
> -"North" makes people think that North Dakota is barren and cold?
N stands for N, in North Dakota. And that's all.
> -"Dakota" sounds just like a girl's name, not a state name. Needs
> directions, like North, else how are we gonna find it?
*won't divulge her vast knowledge of Native American History*
> 2. Haley Joel Osmentia
>
> -Conan: "We like that one cause it makes no sense"
He's right, it doesn't.
> 1. A tack - a nail - the Mets pitching staff - Jenna Bush. These things
> are more and more likely to get hammered.
>
> -...'cause Jenna likes to drink.
SURE, pick on the *fat* one.
> 4. A Cadillac - a museum - a treasure chest - Cathrine Zeta-Jones. These
> things are more and more likely to have something old in them.
>
> -...'cause Michael Douglas' old penis has been inside her.
That's raunchier than Camel Annie.
> 7. A pitchfork - a rake - a shovel - Christina Aguilara. These things are
> more and more likely to be mistaken for a Ho.
>
> -...'cause Christina Aguilara looks like a whore.
This broad makes trailer trash look virtuous. (yeah, I mean Britney)
> **Bridget Fonda
The Crush!!!
> -Conan remembers Bridget's short-shorts from "Jackie Brown".
He has that wrinkled poster of her, taped to his top bunk.
Other Quotes Concerning Short-Shorts:
wiggieNS: Who likes short-shorts? Conan likes short-shorts.
LateNightJojo: But does he dare wear them?
wiggieNS: Only Hudson knows for sure.
LateNightJojo: *laughs and snorts*
wiggieNS: "Hudson...do I look pretty?"
LateNightJojo: "One bark for yes, two barks for Faaabulous!!"
> -I don't know why...but the pencils falling to the floor over and over was
> funny....
*laughs hysterically about falling pencils* *wipes eyes* How do they
think of that stuff??
-Jojo
mjgr...@nospamyahoo.com
> Questions:
Well, bucko, I'm sure glad to see you! It just ain't the same without your
wigtastic recaps.
> -It's damn freaking hot (yes, that hot) lately, so my question once again
> turns to ice cream...you're at a sundae bar...what do you put on for
> toppings?
Oh man do I likey the ice cream. Let's see, my favorite is hot fudge and
peanut butter sauce, and maybe some of them there crumbled Reese cups and
then a whole mess of whipped cream. Yum-yum.
>
> -What's your favourite kind of soda pop? (see, I used both to appease
> everyone - http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~almccon/pop_soda/ ).
My favorite kind of *pop* is grape.
> -Anyone remember OK Soda?
Yes, I remember
>
> -If you were a robotic bear, what would you being doing right now?
robotically performing some bear-like task.
> Show Rating:
>
> -On a scale of * (poor) to ***** (fab-fucking-tabulous), how would you
> rate this show? Why?
Guess what? I haven't watched the show yet. I've been working nights this
week and it's been HELL.
> **Wiggie's Corner
>
> -No, this is not porn spam. Well...it could be, if anyone has any
> requests.
Ha! No requests.
>
> -Okay, finally, no french nun movies taped instead, no broken VCRs, no
> taping of Conan, and having the show with a beach volleyball soundtrack
> behind it instead of the correct audio taping, and no cable going out at
> 1 am for the rest of the night, so I can't tape anything...finally, I get
> to see the show again. This episode better rule, else I'll beat up the
> guy who invented Diet Pepsi.
LOL!!, is this why you haven't been posting your recaps? Sounds like your
mercury was in retrograde or some such thing. I hope the stars have
aligned more in your favor or some kind of crap like that.
> -There's *always* room for Jello, damnit.
DAMNIT. Hey, has anybody seen Jiminy Glick? I was quite pleasantly
suprised. Watching the promos I thought here's something that could suck.
But guess what? It totally does not suck. In fact, bits of it are
basically an updated version of SCTV. It's terrific. Watch it!
>
> -I find anti-musician websites funny...hating something so bad, that you
> have devote time into making a manifistation of your hate for all to see.
> http://www.searchlord.com/cgi-bin/ad/searchlord.cgi/Arts/Music/Anti-Music
> /
Anybody who hates anything/anyone so much they have to put up a website for
all to see is just really...I dunno...weird.
> -Bah, I'll continue to ramble and make these long and boring. It fills my
> time. In fact, it's too hot to do anything but sit here, I'm done all my
> work for the day, so I'm going to make this the longest recap...ever. The
> top information stuff is the only important part anyways...the rest is my
> guilty amusement.
Hey, guess what. mj alert. Weekend of the 20th. Hint--the boat lands in
Yarmouth Saturday morning. I'll email ya.
Byyee
mj
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