The Straight Dope is now available on America Online
Ezotti
Cecil has asked me to inform the Teeming Millions that the Straight Dope
is now available on America Online. This being the 'net and all, the
occasion seems to call for a FAQ.
1. Why are you doing this?
Because they are paying us to. Had anybody sent us a million-dollar
donation like we are constantly hinting, we would not have to do this.
However, one must face the fiscal realities.
2. But AOL people are such lamers.
Come now, lameness is not exactly unknown here on the 'net. It is true
that the intellectual level of discussion in many groups, of which a.f.c-a
is certainly the foremost example, is higher than what you typically
encounter on AOL. Hell, the level of conversation between two guys sharing
a dumpster is generally higher than what you get on AOL. This just goes to
show you how desperately these people need us. We will teach them. They
will learn. Or we'll kill them.
3. What exactly are you guys doing on AOL?
We invite you to check it out. AOL has sent everyone in the universe a
software disk; you probably have one on your desk now. We are at keyword
STRAIGHT DOPE. DOPE will also work, I think, but AOL has a thing about bad
words, so let's keep that among ourselves.
Anyway, each week we post the current Straight Dope column (actually it
appears starting on Monday of the week AFTER the week it appears in our
subscribing newspapers). There is also a Straight Dope "classic" column
(although in Cecil's opinion they're all classics), which changes daily.
Each column features artwork by the legendary Slug Signorino. So how does
the whole area, in fact. The best part is the pulsating brain. We had to
slow it down. It was inducing epileptic seizures in a significant part of
the viewing audience.
Other features of interest:
SEARCHABLE ARCHIVE. We currently have about 300 previous questions
online, some dating back to 1973, e.g., Cecil's infamous discussion of the
calorie content of sperm. Eventually we expect to make the sum total of
Cecil's life work available online, complete with Slug's artwork, except
for the stuff that's been seized by the police.
RECENT COLUMNS. The past few month's worth of columns in date order as
they appeared in the newspaper (e.g., multiple questions per file).
CECIL'S HOUSE O' VALUES. Order books and T-shirts (sorry, no mugs or lunch
boxes yet) online.
MESSAGE BOARD. Just like a.f.c-a. Major positive difference: Cecil's
lackey Ed Zotti (me) participates on a regular basis. Major negative
difference: the threading software totally eats. AOL has told us,
however, that they were going to switch to Internet style messaging
software pretty soon (they've already installed it on their Usenet gateway
and I'm using it now--big improvement), and with luck we'll be among the
first to get it.
MESSAGES FROM CECIL. Queries, exhortations, the occasional venting of
bile. A lot like the column only without the distraction of facts.
JUNK DRAWER. Our big chance at last to use all the weird stuff the Teeming
Millions send us, such as the color photo of the intestinal hairball
removed from an 18-year-old woman who sucked on her split ends. This new
medium has many exciting possibilities.
Plus a Straight Dope FAQ, list of subscribing newspapers (eventually),
other good stuff.
4. Does this mean the end of a.f.c-a?
Of course not. The Straight Dope has no formal connection with a.f.c-a. It
is a spontaneous efflorescence of wit and learning on the part of Teeming
Millions, proving that our many years of selfless labor are finally paying
off. Cecil is very proud. We refer to a.f.c-a in the Straight Dope FAQ and
eventually we may include a link to it in the SD AOL area, if we can ever
figure out how.
5. Will you stop posting columns here?
Well, as you've probably noticed, the service hasn't been too good. And
we're not promising it's going to get any better. But no, we'll keep
posting them. In fact, we hope to post the columns from January 1, 1996 to
date within the next week. Not that I'd hold my breath.
6. Doesn't this prove Cecil is a capitalist whore who will do anything for
money?
Yeah, right, like Michael Jordan does it for free.
7. Is AOL going to make you restrict the Straight Dope's wide ranging
subject matter?
The only thing they've given us grief about so far is the S-word and the
F-word. For the most part we replaced them with [S-word deleted], so you
can probably figure out what Cecil originally said. We did leave the
original S-word in the ode about Schroedinger's cat. Come on, this is
poetry we're talking about.
8. Why should I, a sophisticated 'net user, want to avail myself of the
AOL Straight Dope when I've got a.f.c-a?
Lotta reasons. Easy access to Cecil's current and past work. The active
participation of Ed Zotti, for what that's worth. The chance to put part
of your hourly online nickel in Cecil's deserving pocket. Plus--this is no
small thing--access to the vast panorama of Slug's art, most of which is
now available for the first time since it was originally published in the
newspaper. The first time you fire this sucker up, make sure the kids
aren't in the room.
9. Anything else you feel we should know?
Wait for the announcement about the TV show. No joke.
Tim
Question: Can we send our questions to Cecil
via your AOL address (via the Internet?)
-- Tim
David Olson
>Cecil has asked me to inform the Teeming Millions that the Straight Dope
>is now available on America Online. This being the 'net and all, the
>occasion seems to call for a FAQ.
Cecil's emissary Ed's posting raises profound questions of the role and
purpose of the internet, the impact of commercial motivations, and many other
issues I am not prepared to deal with at this moment. They DO have some cute
pictures there though... I will be looking to see if a critical mass (a good
collective noun for the followers here of a.f.c-a, it seems to me, btw) of
posters can develop there to match this little community of grumpy and
restless intellectuals here... I've met at least four such people on AOL, so
perhaps there are more. In fact, I bet there ARE more!
M C Hamster "Big Wheel Keep on Turnin'" -- Creedence Clearwater Revival
Ezotti
>Question: Can we send our questions to Cecil
>via your AOL address (via the Internet?)
>
>-- Tim
Yup. Ezo...@aol.com will work fine. If you'd prefer to address Cecil
directly, you can use ce...@chireader.com, but it doesn't matter, because
I read them all first anyway. -Ed
SJF 36
<<They DO have some cute pictures there though...>>
Yes, indeed. I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not miss the
animated depiction of Unca Cece's pulsating brain. (At least, that's what
I *think* it is.)
<<I will be looking to see if a critical mass (a good collective noun for
the followers here of a.f.c-a, it seems to me, btw) of posters can develop
there to match this little community of grumpy and restless intellectuals
here... I've met at least four such people on AOL, so perhaps there are
more. In fact, I bet there ARE more!>>
Always a pressing question. As an AOL subscriber myself (hoping the
hamster counts me among the four), I feel less inclined to dis the general
intellectual level to be found there - HOWEVER, I have already checked out
the message board at Cecil's AOL site, and I can't say that it inspires
optimism.
Regards from Deborah
(a/k/a fin...@a1.tch.harvard.edu)
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue
Tim Hyatt
In article <4pl24a$1...@newsbf02.news.aol.com>, sj...@aol.com (SJF 36) wrote:
>Always a pressing question. As an AOL subscriber myself (hoping the
>hamster counts me among the four), I feel less inclined to dis the general
>intellectual level to be found there - HOWEVER, I have already checked out
>the message board at Cecil's AOL site, and I can't say that it inspires
>optimism.
Perhaps questions such as "Why did AOL create the Internet?"
Tim Hyatt - hy...@carroll.com
"Guns are always the best method for suicide. Drugs are too chancy. You
might miscalculate the dosage and just have a good time." - P.J. O'Rourke
Richard H Clancey
Ethical dilemma of the age: Do I want to install the hated
Microsoft Windows in order to subscribe to the hated AOL in order to
read Cecil Adams? Anyone else, I'd say no immediately, but this is a
tough one. People who've seen the site need to do more convincing...
SJF 36
I gather that it won't be officially up and running until July. Some of
the features (e.g. Cecil's Junk Drawer) are empty at the moment. If you
can hold off until next month, and repost your query, maybe we can give
you a considered judgement. However, I'd say that the animated depiction
of the Omniscient One's pulsating brain is worth a sense of degradation
and a couple of bucks a month .