VATICAN READY TO GIVE THUMBS UP TO SAINTHOOD FOR JOE PATERNO

[Legally....@hotmail.com]

<
============================
MIRACLES ARE MADE OF THIS
============================
<
STATE COLLEGE, Pa. (Rueters) --
Vatican officials apparently are virtually
now certain that the late Joe Paterno
did indeed perform a miracle shortly
after his death.
<
The investigators have interviewed
the cute nurse's aide who had served
Paterno his last meal and now firmly
believe he was responsible for the
very largebanana peeling on which
New England Patriots' quarterback
Tom Brady slipped and fractured
his brain.
<
"I had delivered a nice hot meal to
Room 188 (at Mount Nittany Medical
Center) and this crusty old gentle-
man thanked me," said the aide
who requested anonymity.
<
"I was almost out the door when
he hollered, 'Hey, Kiddo. I'm really
not hungry. Get my meal outta here."
<
The aide said she was almost
out the door with the tray when he
yelled, "Hold it, Sweetheart! How
about bringing back the banana."
<
Father Guido Sarducci, a chief
Vatican ghost-chaser, said an
examination of the banana skin
on which Brady slipped was ideal
for Paterno's purpose in his effort
to help him answer a prayer and
allow the NY Giants to win the Super
Bowl.
<
"The banana was a whopper,"
said the Holy Man, theorizing that
Paterno wanted to make sure that
Brady wouldn't miss stepping on it.
<
FATHER SARDUCCI REVEALS ORIGINAL SIZE OF BANANA.
<
http://www.fathersarducci.com/images/sarduccioval.gif
<
==========================
<
< EARLIER STORY
<
STATE COLLEGE, Pa (Rueters) --
Ghost hunters from the Vatican will
be circulating throughout the crowd
today and tomorrow, attempting to
determine if the late Joe Paterno set
a Guinness Record for fastest miracle
in the history of History.
<
Paterno is credited in some circles
as responsible for placing a banana
peeling on which QB Tom Brady slipped ,
banged his head and and fractured
his memory.
<
Joe Pa -- as he affectionately was
known since Lyndon Johnson was an
unknown senator from Texas -- had
been asked for his assistance by a
New York Giants fan in Brooklyn to do
what he could to make sure the New
England Patriots couldn't possibly win
the Super Bowl.
<
Only hours later, the freak accident
happened and the Giants, a 13-point
underdog, suddenly became prohibitive
17-point favorites, based on the latest
spread sheet issued by the Las Vegas
bookies.
<
According to Wikipedia, the fastest
miracle performed by a future saint
occurred back in 1859 when a fella
named Charles Darwin wrote a book
promoting a high-falutin' idea about
the origin of man and -- Presto! --
within 12 hours became The Man of
the Century.
<
The identity of the saint that performed
that miracle has never been disclosed,
only that he had a beard, was "awfully
friendly with little boys" and worked
at the Smithsonian.

CLICK HERE FOR EARLIER STORIES
<
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.paranormal/browse_thread/thread/d939b19c295e07d4#

[Glen Heiman]

If the Vatican give would Sainthood to a competitor, or is it comrade, in
covering up pedophilia, you might have a scoop?

Heiman




<Legally....@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:e714851a-1512-44fb...@h12g2000yqg.googlegroups.com...

[Opus the Penguin]

Glen Heiman (dak...@cox.net) wrote:

> If the Vatican give would Sainthood to a competitor, or is it
> comrade, in covering up pedophilia, you might have a scoop?
>
> Heiman

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I've seen that question....

--
Opus the Penguin
I'm still not sure if I'd have a nickel