Worst Christmas songs

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Tim Robinson

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Dec 17, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/17/99
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OK, these are bad:

"What can you get a Wookiee for Christmas (when he already owns a comb)"
"R2D2, We wish you a Merry Christmas"
"Suzy Snowflake"

But I think I found one worse:
"Chrissy the Christmas Mouse"

Anyone got a candidate worse than those?

--
Tim Robinson
timt...@ionet.net
"Faster, better, cheaper -- pick any two" - Old Engineering Proverb

Tim Robinson

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Dec 17, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/17/99
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Eric Boyd <se...@hypercon.com> wrote in message
news:seric-17129...@109.244.nas1.ippool.hypercon.com...
> In article <385cc41c....@nntp.ix.netcom.com>, rad...@bigfoot.commm
wrote:
>
> > I've always hated "The Little Drummer Boy", and I couldn't exactly tell
> you why.
> > I don't care who sings it. I can't stand the sound of it.
>
> I second this nomination. Even Bowie and Bing couldn't rescue it. And I
> think this discussion shoould confine itself to the standards.

Not even Mannheim Steamroller, huh?

Bob Blaylock

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Dec 17, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/17/99
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Tim Robinson wrote:
>
> OK, these are bad:
>
> "What can you get a Wookiee for Christmas (when he already owns a comb)"
> "R2D2, We wish you a Merry Christmas"
> "Suzy Snowflake"
>
> But I think I found one worse:
> "Chrissy the Christmas Mouse"
>
> Anyone got a candidate worse than those?

Nope. But there is one that I generally regard as one of the more
pleasant ones to hear, except when a particular bit of wording hits me
as not making as much sense as it should. The song, titled, "Do You
Hear What I Hear?", has a passage which goes, "A child, a child, shivers
in the cold./Let us bring him silver and gold./Let us bring him silver
and gold." I Can't hear these words, and not think how foolish it seems
to give silver and gold to a baby who would be much better able to
appreciate a nice warm wool blanket than cold metal.

--
I hunt down and kill spammers and similar net-vermin. Do not send
any form of advertising, bulk email, chain letters, or similar
garbage to me, unless you wish to be my next prey.
Web Site: http://www.impulse.net/~thebob
Email: bob-blayl...@usa.net
To email me, remove ".nospam" from the address.

Eric Boyd

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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In article <385cc41c....@nntp.ix.netcom.com>, rad...@bigfoot.commm wrote:

> I've always hated "The Little Drummer Boy", and I couldn't exactly tell
you why.
> I don't care who sings it. I can't stand the sound of it.

I second this nomination. Even Bowie and Bing couldn't rescue it. And I
think this discussion shoould confine itself to the standards.


-seric

--

"There is nothing it is like to be a zombie."
-David Chalmers

Beckett209

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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>"Tim Robinson" <bo...@see.sig>
wrote in:
>Message-id: <83eeod$bbs$1...@ionews.ionet.net>

>Anyone got a candidate worse than those?

"Mambo, Santa, Mambo" (ACK!!!!!!)

And my nomination for BEST Christmas song:"Mr. Grinch"... A classic to
those in MY age group, anyway.
Favorite lyric: "You're a sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic
sauce"...
Beckett


Max C. Webster III

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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"Tim Robinson" quipped:

>Eric Boyd <se...@hypercon.com> wrote

>rad...@bigfoot.commm
>wrote:
>>
>> > I've always hated "The Little Drummer Boy", and I couldn't exactly tell
>> you why.
>> > I don't care who sings it. I can't stand the sound of it.
>>
>> I second this nomination. Even Bowie and Bing couldn't rescue it. And I
>> think this discussion shoould confine itself to the standards.
>

>Not even Mannheim Steamroller, huh?

I, too, dislike The Little Drummer Boy when it is sung. There are, however, at
least two instrumental versions that I like. One is the afore mentioned
Mannheim Steamroller version (Fresh Aire Christmas). The other is Alex
Lifeson's barely recognizable version on Merry Axemas.

On the other hand, my favorite Christmas song is, and always shall be, O Holy
Night. That song can bring tears to my eyes (as long is it isn't being sung by
Eric Cartman).


- Max -
========================================
Max said to them, "Come and have breakfast."
None of them ventured to question him, "Who are
you?" knowing that it was Max. -- Max 21:12

PixiePotPie

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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tim robinson wrote:
>OK, these are bad:
>
>"What can you get a Wookiee for Christmas (when he already owns a comb)"
>"R2D2, We wish you a Merry Christmas"
<snip>

oh! i am deeply hurt by these choices, as i JUST DISCOVERED those two
treasures and the rest of the "christmas in the stars" album the other day ( a
co-worker brought it in, and i promptly alienated everyone by pressing "repeat"
all day long) and fell madly in love. and i don't even like star wars all that
much!
how can anyone disagree with the notion of gifting a wookiee with love &
understanding & good will to men, all wrapped up in bright colored ribbon!
and what icy hearted soul wouldn't be touched by the deep-feeling 18-year-old
soloist jon bon jovi on the r2d2 song????
i just ordered this from amazon.com & am eagerly awaiting its arrival. my poor
fiancee does not know what he's in for!


~*pixiepotpie*~
---------------------------------------------------
"yeah, it's that whole merriment thing.
i don't mind comin' out the pocket for
some merriment." -------d deleon
--------------------------------------------------

Arenarop

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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'Little Drummer Boy', absolutely. That tops the list of my least favorite Xmas
songs. And at second place would be 'Do You Hear What I Hear?'. They seem to
go together.

As for my favorite I would have to choose 'Winter Wonderland'. But what
exactly do these lines mean? "In the meadow we could build a snowman...And
pretend that he is Parson Brown...He'll say, "Are you married?" We'll say no,
man...but you could do the job when you're in town." A friend of mine thinks
it's something about pre-marital sex but I'm sure he's joking.

I also like 'I Saw My Baby Wearing Santa's Beard' by They Might Be Giants.

aren...@aol.commie

"...consider yourself in court."
- J. M.

D.F. Manno

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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In article <83eeod$bbs$1...@ionews.ionet.net>, "Tim Robinson" <bo...@see.sig>
wrote:

> OK, these are bad:
>
> "What can you get a Wookiee for Christmas (when he already owns a comb)"
> "R2D2, We wish you a Merry Christmas"

> "Suzy Snowflake"
>
> But I think I found one worse:
> "Chrissy the Christmas Mouse"
>

> Anyone got a candidate worse than those?

"Jingle Bells" by the Singing Dogs. Just hearing a few "bars" of it is
sufficient to drive me to kill.
--
D.F. Manno
domm...@netscape.net
"If we didn't laugh we would all go insane." -- Jimmy Buffett

Seanette Blaylock

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to
I'm amazed by what rad...@bigfoot.commm wrote:

>I've always hated "The Little Drummer Boy", and I couldn't exactly tell you why.
>I don't care who sings it. I can't stand the sound of it.

I like that one, actually.

I absolutely LOATHE "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree".

--
Seanette Blaylock
Reply to sean...@spammers.drop.dead.impulse.net
[make obvious correction]

deepstblu

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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Seanette Blaylock wrote:
>
> I'm amazed by what rad...@bigfoot.commm wrote:
>
> >I've always hated "The Little Drummer Boy", and I couldn't exactly tell you why.
> >I don't care who sings it. I can't stand the sound of it.
>
> I like that one, actually.
>
> I absolutely LOATHE "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree".
I like both of the above.
But there is some damn thing that Andy Williams recorded that is just so
damn phony-perky and obnoxious that turns up on every music system...I
don't even know the title, it goes something like "It's the holiday
season ("the holiday season!)/so whoop-de-doo/and dickery-dock/and don't
forget/to hang up your sock/cause just exactly/at 12 o'clock/he'll be
comin' down the chimney nowww!"
It belongs in one of Letterman's rejected Jeopardy! categories:
Things You Just Want To Pound and Pound With a Shovel. I hope the
lyricist choked to death on a candy cane.

Rick B.

Gary S. Callison

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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Max C. Webster III (maxx...@aol.com.nospam) wrote:
: On the other hand, my favorite Christmas song is, and always shall be,

: O Holy Night. That song can bring tears to my eyes (as long is it
: isn't being sung by Eric Cartman).

That Cartman version is just _rich_. I can also heartily recommend
"Christmastime in Hell" by Satan, and my new all-time favorite Chrismas
song, "Merry Fucking Christmas" by Mr. Garrison. If the relatives make me
get out the guitar again this year, not only are we doing the Mojo Nixon
version of Good King Wenceslas, but I'm going to have memorized all of
the lyrics to Merry Fucking Chrismas, as well as provide lyric sheets to
those select few relatives who'll sing it with me.

On the other hand, I don't care for Mr. Hankey one bit. Dancing turd
jokes just don't do it for me. Huey's bathroom humor guide: Farts -
funny. Turds - not funny.

Jesus and Santa Claus's lounge act was pretty good, though. And Shelly's
"On Christmas Day" is also kinda cool, but speaking as someone who's
actually had to help _lift_ a piano, I don't think I could actually hit
someone over the head with one...

--
Huey


Steve Parker

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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On Sat, 18 Dec 1999 02:36:49 -0600, Sophelyn <soph...@fzbzet.zet>
wrote:

>At Claus.com there is a song called "Christmas Mary" or "Mary
>Christmas" with a strange shockwave accompaniment that is really
>horrible. So horrible that it won't leave my head.

I am agast.

It's far worse than you said.

I had to go look and now it's stuck in MY head. The title, btw, is
"Sugarplum Mary Christmas". Except for one verse about how Sugarplum
Mary is Santa's elven Kung-Fu cook, the lyrics consist of repeating
"Sugarplum, Sugarplum Mary" over and over. This may be worse than the
doggy version of "Jingle Bells" AND "Grandma Got Run Over...r"
combined. The URL is below, but be warned, the tune is insidious.
http://www.claus.com/singalong/flash_sugarplum.shtml . There're two
other songs that're just forgettable.

Be afraid.

Be very afraid

Steve

Dana Carpender

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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Tim Robinson wrote:

> Eric Boyd <se...@hypercon.com> wrote in message
> news:seric-17129...@109.244.nas1.ippool.hypercon.com...

> > In article <385cc41c....@nntp.ix.netcom.com>, rad...@bigfoot.commm


> wrote:
> >
> > > I've always hated "The Little Drummer Boy", and I couldn't exactly tell
> > you why.
> > > I don't care who sings it. I can't stand the sound of it.
> >

> > I second this nomination. Even Bowie and Bing couldn't rescue it. And I
> > think this discussion shoould confine itself to the standards.
>
> Not even Mannheim Steamroller, huh?

I'm not a big fan of Little Drummer Boy myself, but moving on, I asked my
husband what Christmas song he could do without, and he nominated anything
unbearable perky, with "Sleigh Ride" taking top honors.
--
Dana W. Carpender
Author, How I Gave Up My Low Fat Diet -- And Lost Forty Pounds!
http://www.holdthetoast.com
Check out our FREE Low Carb Ezine!

Tom Nawrocki

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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>Eric Boyd <se...@hypercon.com> wrote in message
>news:seric-17129...@109.244.nas1.ippool.hypercon.com...
>> In article <385cc41c....@nntp.ix.netcom.com>, rad...@bigfoot.commm
>wrote:
>>
>> > I've always hated "The Little Drummer Boy", and I couldn't exactly tell
>> you why.
>> > I don't care who sings it. I can't stand the sound of it.
>>
>> I second this nomination. Even Bowie and Bing couldn't rescue it. And I
>> think this discussion shoould confine itself to the standards.
>
>Not even Mannheim Steamroller, huh?

If we can nominate specific versionsof songs, I have to say that the Mannheim
Steamroller version of "Carol of the Bells" is the silliest thing I've ever
heard.

I don't exactly hate it; I just listen to it in shock that anyone could think
this was good. I wonder who was sitting around thinking that what "Carol of the
Bells" really needed to spiff it up was some electronic-drum solos tucked into
the verses.

Tom Nawrocki


Tim Robinson

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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Max C. Webster III <maxx...@aol.com.nospam> wrote in message
news:19991217233155...@ng-cg1.aol.com...

> "Tim Robinson" quipped:
>
> >Eric Boyd <se...@hypercon.com> wrote
> >rad...@bigfoot.commm
> >wrote:
> >>
> >> > I've always hated "The Little Drummer Boy", and I couldn't exactly
tell
> >> you why.
> >> > I don't care who sings it. I can't stand the sound of it.
> >>
> >> I second this nomination. Even Bowie and Bing couldn't rescue it. And I
> >> think this discussion shoould confine itself to the standards.
> >
> >Not even Mannheim Steamroller, huh?
>
> I, too, dislike The Little Drummer Boy when it is sung. There are,
however, at
> least two instrumental versions that I like. One is the afore mentioned
> Mannheim Steamroller version (Fresh Aire Christmas). The other is Alex
> Lifeson's barely recognizable version on Merry Axemas.

The shame here is that I missed that one. A real shame for a one-time big
Rush fan.

> On the other hand, my favorite Christmas song is, and always shall be, O
Holy
> Night. That song can bring tears to my eyes (as long is it isn't being
sung by
> Eric Cartman).

That's a great one to watch the singer figure out where to breathe.

KGename

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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>Anyone got a candidate worse than those?

I can't tell you WHY, but any standard Christmas carol in which "Bethlehem" is
pronounced "Beth-LEE-hem", or "Israel" is pronounced "Is-RYE-el" just grates my
nerves.
Why did they do this?
Who in Hell gave the writers of those songs the right to change common
pronunciations, anyway? Or have WE been wrong all the time in OUR
pronunciation, and it's too tuff to change at this late date?

Learning to live with it, anyway-
Keith
When I need a break from my hectic life,
I think back of the vacations that I spent right
outside of the boundaries of the Bermuda Triangle...
and the lazy hours I whiled away tossing
paper airplanes into infinity...

Paul Madarasz

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to
On Sat, 18 Dec 1999 02:13:08 -0800, Seanette Blaylock
<seanette.spam...@impulse.net> wrote:

>I'm amazed by what rad...@bigfoot.commm wrote:
>
>>I've always hated "The Little Drummer Boy", and I couldn't exactly tell you why.
>>I don't care who sings it. I can't stand the sound of it.
>

>I like that one, actually.
>
>I absolutely LOATHE "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree".

I just heard "Santa got a DUI" on Click and Clack's show.
Heartwarming.

Paul L. Madarasz

Lalbert1

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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In article <dommanno-181...@client-151-197-120-92.bellatlantic.net>,
domm...@netscape.net (D.F. Manno) writes:

>In article <83eeod$bbs$1...@ionews.ionet.net>, "Tim Robinson" <bo...@see.sig>
>wrote:
>
>> OK, these are bad:
>>
>> "What can you get a Wookiee for Christmas (when he already owns a comb)"
>> "R2D2, We wish you a Merry Christmas"
>> "Suzy Snowflake"
>>
>> But I think I found one worse:
>> "Chrissy the Christmas Mouse"
>>

>> Anyone got a candidate worse than those?
>

>"Jingle Bells" by the Singing Dogs. Just hearing a few "bars" of it is
>sufficient to drive me to kill.

Yes, the Singing Dogs are awful. But worse are the singing chipmonks doing
Christmas songs.

Les


fastrada

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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Gary S. Callison wrote:
>
> Max C. Webster III (maxx...@aol.com.nospam) wrote:
> : On the other hand, my favorite Christmas song is, and always shall be,

> : O Holy Night. That song can bring tears to my eyes (as long is it
> : isn't being sung by Eric Cartman).
>
> That Cartman version is just _rich_. I can also heartily recommend
> "Christmastime in Hell" by Satan, and my new all-time favorite Chrismas
> song, "Merry Fucking Christmas" by Mr. Garrison. If the relatives make me
> get out the guitar again this year, not only are we doing the Mojo Nixon
> version of Good King Wenceslas, but I'm going to have memorized all of
> the lyrics to Merry Fucking Chrismas, as well as provide lyric sheets to
> those select few relatives who'll sing it with me.
>
> On the other hand, I don't care for Mr. Hankey one bit. Dancing turd
> jokes just don't do it for me. Huey's bathroom humor guide: Farts -
> funny. Turds - not funny.
>

On the other hand, "I'm Just A Lonely Jew (On Christmas)" is a classic.
Parker and Stone are completely underestimated as lyricists in their own
particular way.

Regards,
Joseph

Philip 'Yes, that's my address' Newton

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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On Fri, 17 Dec 1999 16:53:46 -0600, "Tim Robinson" <bo...@see.sig>
wrote:

>Anyone got a candidate worse than those?

Not really bad, but open to interpretation:

"What fun it is to ride and sing a slaying song tonight". Hmmm... a song
about killing people?

Cheers,
Philip "sleighing" Newton
--
Philip Newton <nospam...@gmx.li>

Amy Elizabeth Gleason

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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"D.F. Manno" wrote:
>
> "Jingle Bells" by the Singing Dogs. Just hearing a few "bars" of it is
> sufficient to drive me to kill.

But it's REALLY fun to do when caroling... Makes the neighbors think
that you've had a little too much eggnog, and drives the neighborhood
dogs insane...

That's why I get to wear the "Naughty" sweatshirt,
Amy

Eric Boyd

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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In article <83f0lc$eml$1...@ionews.ionet.net>, "Tim Robinson" <bo...@see.sig>
wrote:

> Eric Boyd <se...@hypercon.com> wrote in message
> news:seric-17129...@109.244.nas1.ippool.hypercon.com...
> > In article <385cc41c....@nntp.ix.netcom.com>, rad...@bigfoot.commm


> wrote:
> >
> > > I've always hated "The Little Drummer Boy", and I couldn't exactly tell
> > you why.
> > > I don't care who sings it. I can't stand the sound of it.
> >

> > I second this nomination. Even Bowie and Bing couldn't rescue it. And I
> > think this discussion shoould confine itself to the standards.
>
> Not even Mannheim Steamroller, huh?

Nope, it's why they put "skip" on the CD player. Plus, neonates cry when
you play the drums. What kind of present is that? And did they even have
drummer boys back then? I know that Greek armies marched to flutes.

Bill Baldwin

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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Sophelyn wrote:
>Well, if the Big-K in Bethlehem was open 24 hours, they could use the
>silver and gold to get blankets and pillows and little stuffed
>animals. Maybe also bribe the innkeeper to let them upgrade their
>room. Maybe it was so cold that they'd rather hurl some coins out
>than come out from under their own blankets?

The gold, frankincense, and myrrh are symbolic. They recall similar gifts
brought from the east to Solomon, the son of David, by the Queen of Sheba. Now
that David's true son, the king of the Jews who will sit on David's royal
throne forever has arrived, there are again emissaries from afar bringing
gifts that befit royalty.

>Is there anything in the Bible to indicate that Jesus was born at
>night?

The announcement by the angels to the shepherds nearby was made at night,
presumably coinciding with the birth itself.

>I don't know at what point the wise men started following a
>star and whether it took them right to the door or not. (And even if
>so, maybe Jesus was born in the daytime and the star couldn't be seen
>until night?)

The wise men arrived some time after the birth. By that time Mary and Joseph
were no longer in the stable but had upgraded to a house (or, more likely, a
room in one).

Seanette Blaylock

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to
I'm amazed by what Paul Madarasz <pl...@primenet.com> wrote:
>On Sat, 18 Dec 1999 02:13:08 -0800, Seanette Blaylock
><seanette.spam...@impulse.net> wrote:
>>I'm amazed by what rad...@bigfoot.commm wrote:
>>>I've always hated "The Little Drummer Boy", and I couldn't exactly tell you why.
>>>I don't care who sings it. I can't stand the sound of it.
>>I like that one, actually.
>>I absolutely LOATHE "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree".
>I just heard "Santa got a DUI" on Click and Clack's show.
>Heartwarming.

That sounds good. My favorite Christmas album is "Tales from the
Crypt", if that gives you any idea about my sense of humor. :-)

My favorite pieces on that one are "Deck the Halls with Parts of
Charlie" and "We Wish You'd Bury the Missus".

Rob Novak

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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> It belongs in one of Letterman's rejected Jeopardy! categories:
> Things You Just Want To Pound and Pound With a Shovel. I hope the
> lyricist choked to death on a candy cane.

There are two Xmas tunes that deserve the death penalty. Ironically,
both are by former Beatles. First, there's the "simply having a
wonderful xmas time" tune with Mr. McCartney, which is merely trite and
annoying.

Then there's Mr. Lennon with Satan's Personal Fuck-Banshe. Every time I
here Yoko shriek "Have a Merry, Merry Christmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas and a
HAPPY NEW YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAARRR", my teeth grind.

Nevertheless, the radio stations insist on playing it to death every
year. That, and for some reason, "I Believe in Father Christmas" by
ELP - which is a song about how modern-day Christmas is all a lie,
something we've made bereft of any true meaning. It's a touch ironic
that I hear it played over and over while passing by the Yuppie Supply
Stores.

Seanette Blaylock

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to
I'm amazed by what Amy Elizabeth Gleason <glea...@purdue.edu> wrote:
>"D.F. Manno" wrote:
>> "Jingle Bells" by the Singing Dogs. Just hearing a few "bars" of it is
>> sufficient to drive me to kill.
>But it's REALLY fun to do when caroling... Makes the neighbors think
>that you've had a little too much eggnog, and drives the neighborhood
>dogs insane...

I have the Jingle Cats tapes. They drive my cat up the walls. It's
hilarious watching him prowling around looking for those &#%$
intruders. :-)

Gary S. Callison

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to
Rob Novak (rob....@home.com) wrote:
: Nevertheless, the radio stations insist on playing it to death every

: year. That, and for some reason, "I Believe in Father Christmas" by
: ELP - which is a song about how modern-day Christmas is all a lie,
: something we've made bereft of any true meaning. It's a touch ironic
: that I hear it played over and over while passing by the Yuppie Supply
: Stores.
Why, of course! It's a very pretty song, musically. Who listens to the
words? ;-) "The Christmas you get, you deserve..."

Which Jethro Tull offering contains "The Christmas Spirit is not what you
drink." ? "This is Only a Christmas Song", or something along those
lines...

--
Huey


Theresa Ann Wymer

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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Rob Novak (rob....@home.com) wrote:

: There are two Xmas tunes that deserve the death penalty. Ironically,


: both are by former Beatles. First, there's the "simply having a
: wonderful xmas time" tune with Mr. McCartney, which is merely trite and
: annoying.

"The...choir...of...chillll-drun sing their song/They...prac...tice...ALL
YEAR LOOOONG/Ding dong ding dong!"

God, I hate that one. Nails down a blackboard, and how did anyone keep
from shooting the little buggers if they were chanting "ding dong ding
dong" the previous 364 days? Any jury worth its salt would let them off
with a round of applause.

I would also nominate any already annoying song that drives you over the
edge with an overly-cloying arrangement and/or performance.

"Oh, wow! Here are the reindeer! It's Dancer and Dasher and [etc etc].
But where's Rudolph? RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDOLPH!" and segue into..."Jingle
Bells", with ""Miss Fanny Bright" rewritten to "my Mr. Right". Pukola.

And, just on general principles, the song that goes "I wanna see Santa
Claus, the real real Santa" over and *over* and OVER again.

I guess it beats out the Cranberries singing "Frosty the Snowman" with an
irritating little hiccup.

BTW, I work in retail. This is my fifth Chris...erm, holiday season, and
I *can't* *get* *away* from these songs, which are on a perpetual loop.

--
Theresa Ann Wymer twy...@efn.org


Tim Robinson

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
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PixiePotPie <pixie...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:19991218022635...@ng-fq1.aol.com...

> tim robinson wrote:
> >OK, these are bad:
> >
> >"What can you get a Wookiee for Christmas (when he already owns a comb)"
> >"R2D2, We wish you a Merry Christmas"
> <snip>
>
> oh! i am deeply hurt by these choices, as i JUST DISCOVERED those two
> treasures and the rest of the "christmas in the stars" album the other day
( a
> co-worker brought it in, and i promptly alienated everyone by pressing
"repeat"
> all day long) and fell madly in love. and i don't even like star wars all
that
> much!
> how can anyone disagree with the notion of gifting a wookiee with love &
> understanding & good will to men, all wrapped up in bright colored ribbon!

Let's rephrase your rhetorical question: "how can anyone disagree with the
notion of gifting the fantastic creation of George Lucas... etc." Ugh, barf
me out, gag me with an ewok. :-)

Tim Robinson

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to
Arenarop <aren...@aol.commie> wrote in message
news:19991218022908...@ng-fb1.aol.com...

> 'Little Drummer Boy', absolutely. That tops the list of my least favorite
Xmas
> songs. And at second place would be 'Do You Hear What I Hear?'. They
seem to
> go together.
>
> As for my favorite I would have to choose 'Winter Wonderland'. But what
> exactly do these lines mean? "In the meadow we could build a
snowman...And
> pretend that he is Parson Brown...He'll say, "Are you married?" We'll say
no,
> man...but you could do the job when you're in town." A friend of mine
thinks
> it's something about pre-marital sex but I'm sure he's joking.

My wife gets upset when I start singing my own obscene version of "____ing
in a winter wonderland." Ah, well, no accounting for taste.

And for those wanting something totally irreverant, the following is ROT13
encrypted because the contents may be considered rude and obscene by many.
Decode at your own risk.

Gur Avtug Orsber Frkznf

Gjnf gur avtug orsber Frkznf, naq Tbq vg jnf arng,
Gur xvqf jrer obgu tbar, naq zl jvsr jnf va urng.
Gur qbbef jrer nyy obygrq, naq gur cubar bss gur ubbx,
Vg jnf gvzr sbe fbzr abbxl, ol ubbx be ol pebbx.
Zbzzn va ure grqql, naq V va gur ahqr,
Unq whfg uvg gur orqebbz naq ernpurq sbe gur yhor.
Jura bhg ba gur ynja gurer nebfr fhpu n pel,
Gung V ybfg zl obare naq cbbe zbzzn jrag qel.
Hc gb gur jvaqbj V fcenat yvxr na rys,
Gber onpx gur funqr juvyr fur cynlrq jvgu urefrys.
Gur zbba ba gur perfg bs gur fabjzna jr'q ohvyg,
Fubjrq n oebbz hc uvf nff, pyrna hc gb gur uvyg.
Jura jung gb zl jbaqrevat rlrf fubhyq nccrne,
Ohg n ehfgl byq fyrvtu naq rvtug znatl ervaqrre.
Jvgu n sng yvggyr qevire unys bhg bs uvf fyrq,
N fbpx va uvf rne, naq n oen ba uvf urnq.
Fher nf V'z fcrnxvat, ur jnf nf uvtu nf n xvgr,
Naq ur lryyrq gb uvf grnz, ohg vg qvqa'g fbhaq evtug.
Jubn Fuvgurnq, jubn Nffubyr, jubn Fghcvq, jubn Chgm,
Rvgure fybj qbja guvf evt be V'yy phg bss lbhe ahgf.
Ybbx bhg sbe gur ynzc cbfg, naq qba'g uvg gur gerr,
Dhvg funxvat gur fyrvtu, 'pnhfr V tbggn tb crr.
Gurl pyrnerq gur byq ynzc cbfg, gur gerr tbg n eho,
Whfg nf Fnagn yrnarq bhg naq guerj hc ba zl fueho.
Naq gura sebz gur ebbs jr urneq fhpu n pynggre,
Nf rnpu yvggyr ervaqrre abj rzcgvrq uvf oynqqre.
V jnf qbaavat zl wnpxrg gb pbire zl nff,
Jura qbja gur puvzarl Fnagn pnzr jvgu n penfu.
Uvf fhvg jnf nyy fzryyl jvgu creshzr tnyber,
Ur ybbxrq yvxr n ohz naq ur fzryyrq yvxr n juber.
"Gung jnf fbzr oebgury," ur fnvq jvgu n fzvyr,
"Gur ervaqrre ner cbbcrq, naq V'yy whfg fgnl urer njuvyr."
Ur jnyxrq gb gur xvgpura, uvzfrys cbherq n qevax,
Gura juvccrq bhg uvf crpxre naq cvffrq va gur fvax.
V fgnegrq gb ynhtu, zl jvsr fzvyrq jvgu tyrr,
Gur byq obl jnf uhat arneyl qbja gb uvf xarr.
Onpx va gur qra, Fnagn ernpurq va uvf fnpx,
Ohg uvf gblf jrer nyy tbar, naq fbzr arj guvatf jrer cnpxrq.
Gur svefg guvat ur sbhaq jnf n cnve bs snyfr gvgf,
Gur arkg jnf n unaqtha jvgu n cravf gung fcvgf.
N obk svyyrq jvgu pbaqbzf jnf Fnagn'f arkg svaq,
Naq n fvk cnpx bs cnagvrf, gur rqvoyr xvaq.
N oen jvgubhg avccyrf, n cravf rkgrafvba,
Naq frireny bgure guvatf gung V fubhyqa'g rira zragvba.
N Pbpx evat, n T-fgevat, naq nyy glcrf bs bvy,
N qvyqb fb ybat, vg ynl va n pbvy.
"Guvf fghss nva'g sbe xvqf, Zef. Fnagn jvyy fuvg.
Fb V'yy yrnir 'rz urer, naq gura V'yy whfg fcyvg."
Ur svyyrq rirel fgbpxvat naq gura gbbx uvf yrnir,
Jvgu bar gval ohgg cyht ghpxrq haqre uvf fyrrir.
Ur fcenat gb uvf fyrvtu, ohg uvf srrg jrer yvxr yrnq,
Guhf ur sryy ba uvf nff naq oebxr jvaq vafgrnq.
Va gvzr ur jnf frngrq, gbbx gur ervtaf bs uvf uvgpu,
Fnlvat, "Gnxr zr ubzr Ehqbycu, guvf avtugf orra n OVGPU!"
Gur fyrvtu jnf arne tbar jura jr urneq Fnagn fubhg,
"Gur orfg guvat nobhg frk vf gung vg arire jrnef bhg!"

Tim Robinson

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to
Lalbert1 <lalb...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:19991218125457...@nso-ce.aol.com...

> In article
<dommanno-181...@client-151-197-120-92.bellatlantic.net>,
> domm...@netscape.net (D.F. Manno) writes:
>
> >In article <83eeod$bbs$1...@ionews.ionet.net>, "Tim Robinson"
<bo...@see.sig>
> >wrote:
> >
> >> OK, these are bad:
> >>
> >> "What can you get a Wookiee for Christmas (when he already owns a
comb)"
> >> "R2D2, We wish you a Merry Christmas"
> >> "Suzy Snowflake"
> >>
> >> But I think I found one worse:
> >> "Chrissy the Christmas Mouse"
> >>
> >> Anyone got a candidate worse than those?
> >
> >"Jingle Bells" by the Singing Dogs. Just hearing a few "bars" of it is
> >sufficient to drive me to kill.
>
> Yes, the Singing Dogs are awful. But worse are the singing chipmonks
doing
> Christmas songs.

As a gag for a Christmas program, three of us musicians dressed up in
turtlenecks with S, A and T on them and had huge helium balloons and sang
the Chipmunk Christmas song sucking helium the whole time. It was a riot.

mlo...@lobo.civetsystems.com

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to
se...@hypercon.com (Eric Boyd) writes:

> In article <385cc41c....@nntp.ix.netcom.com>, rad...@bigfoot.commm wrote:
>
> > I've always hated "The Little Drummer Boy", and I couldn't exactly tell
> you why.
> > I don't care who sings it. I can't stand the sound of it.
>

> I second this nomination. Even Bowie and Bing couldn't rescue it.

I *loved* that version. You watch it and ask yourself, "Am I
hallucinating?"

M.

Bill Baldwin

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to
Sophelyn wrote:
>This has made me think of something (which is surprising, as I am near
>enough to sleep to smell the performance fleece). Which Christian
>religions other than Jehovah's Witnesses frown upon giving gifts to
>loved ones at Christmas?

Scottish Presbyterians tend to think the whole festival is an idolatrous
holdover from the Roman Catholic calendar.

>Are there any Christian religions which teach that heaven offers a
>breakfust buffet as well as a spiritual one?

I doubt it. That would be to misunderstand the resurrection body.

Bear

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to
Sophelyn wrote:

>
> Bill Baldwin wrote:
>
> > The gold, frankincense, and myrrh are symbolic. They recall similar gifts
> > brought from the east to Solomon, the son of David, by the Queen of Sheba. Now
> > that David's true son, the king of the Jews who will sit on David's royal
> > throne forever has arrived, there are again emissaries from afar bringing
> > gifts that befit royalty.
>
> Aha. So, no actual prezzies?

Whaddaya want? They hadn't invented Christmas wrap, yet.

--
Bear

Warning: this post may contain peanut traces.

James Gifford

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to
rad...@bigfoot.commm wrote:
> I've always hated "The Little Drummer Boy", and I couldn't exactly
> tell you why. I don't care who sings it. I can't stand the sound of
> it.

I would have agreed with you completely until the other night. Went to
the chillun's Xmas program and about halfway through, one of the grades
sang this song. I was irritably shifting around on the pew and thought,
"My ass has gone numb."

The thought was perfectly in sync with the chorus (ta rum pa pa tum).
The rest of the song came through to me as the my-ass-has-gone-numb song
and I had full-faucet hysterics for the next five minutes.

Fortunately, the audience ambient was high, the lights were low, and no
one noticed except my wife.

--

| James Gifford - Nitrosyncretic Press - gif...@nitrosyncretic.com |
| See http://www.nitrosyncretic.com for the Robert Heinlein FAQ |
| and information on "Robert A. Heinlein: A Reader's Companion" |

Lars Eighner

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to

In our last episode <8htcOI+L6mclKQ...@4ax.com>,
the lovely and talented Sophelyn <soph...@fzbzet.zet>
broadcast on alt.fan.cecil-adams:
|DE-SPAMIFIC...@bigfoot.com wrote:
|
|> Mary:
|> "Oh, I'll take the gold. Oh, all right, I'll take the frankincense. Uhh, you
|> keep the myrrh ..."
|
|or as Mandy said:
|"Er, well, um, if you're dropping by again, do pop in. Heh. And
|thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense, er, but don't worry too
|much about the myrrh next time. All right? Heh. Thank you.
|Good-bye. Well, weren't they nice?"

I thought they'd never leave.

--
Lars Eighner 700 Hearn #101 Austin TX 78703 eig...@io.com
(512) 474-1920 (FAX answers 6th ring) http://www.io.com/%7Eeighner/
bookstore: http://www.io.com/%7Eeighner/bookstore/
Attack another's rights and you destroy your own

DW

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to
Someone nominated a version of "Carol of the Bells" by a certain
pretentious instrumental synth group.
My nomination is Carol of the Bells, period, no matter how it's set or in
which language it's sung. It's not a song, it's a nervous tic! DEE diddy
dum DEE diddy dum DEE diddy dum DEE diddy dum DEE diddy dum DEE diddy dum
DEE diddy dum DEE diddy dum DEE diddy dum DEE diddy dum DEE diddy dum DEE
diddy dum until you want to take a blowtorch to an artificial Christmas
tree and run through a crowded shopping mall wreaking flaming havoc and
destruction.

You have a merry Christmas, too!

DW
ludwi...@earthlink.net


Bill Baldwin

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to
Jeff Janes wrote:
>Bill Baldwin wrote:
>
>: The wise men arrived some time after the birth. By that time Mary and

>:Joseph were no longer in the stable but had upgraded to a house (or, more
>:likely, a room in one).
>
>Where exactly "from the East" did the wise men come? The next village down
>the road? Jordan? India? China? The Easternmost point of the United States?

You think I know how east is east enough? Whadda I look like? RM Mentock?
Prolly came from Persia or some place where astrology was big.

Bill Baldwin

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Dec 18, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/18/99
to
Hank Gillette wrote:
>Bill Baldwin wrote:
>
>>The wise men arrived some time after the birth. By that time Mary and Joseph
>>were no longer in the stable but had upgraded to a house (or, more likely, a
>>room in one).
>
>How do you know that? I know that Herod queried the Magi and killed all
>boys two and under, but there's no reason why God couldn't have made the
>star appear two years before Christ (which would actually be 8-6 B.C.).

Sure. That's not the point at tissue. The point is that Matthew 2:11 says they
were in a house, suggesting an upgrade from stableville had taken place.

Jeff Janes

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Dec 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/19/99
to
Bill Baldwin (ju...@micronet.net) wrote:

: The wise men arrived some time after the birth. By that time Mary and Joseph
: were no longer in the stable but had upgraded to a house (or, more likely, a
: room in one).

Where exactly "from the East" did the wise men come? The next village down


the road? Jordan? India? China? The Easternmost point of the United States?

Jeff

--
Jeff Janes
email: ja...@scripps.edu

BlueORB

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Dec 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/19/99
to

>Has anyone got any worse candidates
>
>
No one mentioned Tiny Tim's " Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS this Year "

Supposedly this was before AIDS got to be the epidemic it turned out to be .
He claimed later he regretted recording it .

Doug Kile

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Dec 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/19/99
to
In article <385BB60A...@kiva.net>, Dana Carpender <dcar...@kiva.net> wrote:

>I'm not a big fan of Little Drummer Boy myself, but moving on, I asked my
>husband what Christmas song he could do without, and he nominated anything
>unbearable perky, with "Sleigh Ride" taking top honors.

Sleigh Ride is a winter song, not a Christmas song. There is not one word
in it even remotely related to Christmas. In fact, there is a line which
makes it clear that it cannot be about Christmas time:

"There's a birthday party at the home of Farmer Grey."

Everyone knows that birthdays get ignored when they're close to Christmas.

Other non-Christmas songs commonly associated with Christmas:

Jingle Bells
Winter Wonderland
Marshmallow World
Let It Snow(3X)
Frosty the Snowman
Baby It's Cold Outside
We Need a Little Christmas
(Song basically says "It's not Christmas, but I wish it were.")

Tom E.

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Dec 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/19/99
to
Speaking of a winter song which is associated with Christmas, I can't stand the bland
"Happy Holidays" sung by Steve and Edie.

Doug Kile wrote in message <0VX64.1856$QU1....@newsfeed.slurp.net>...
:Other non-Christmas songs commonly associated with Christmas:

Tom E.

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Dec 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/19/99
to
A parson is a preacher, and they're asking him to officiate the wedding ceremony. Get
your mind out of the gutter! :-P

Arenarop wrote in message <19991218022908...@ng-fb1.aol.com>...

Carl Fink

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Dec 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/19/99
to
On 19 Dec 1999 00:46:36 GMT Jeff Janes <ja...@FIX.TIN.DOMAIN> wrote:
>
>Where exactly "from the East" did the wise men come? The next village down
>the road? Jordan? India? China? The Easternmost point of the United States?

If memory serves, Persia.
--
Carl Fink ca...@dm.net
I-Con's Science and Technology Guest of Honor in 2000 will be Geoffrey
A. Landis. See <http://www.iconsf.org> for I-Con information.

Hank Gillette

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Dec 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/19/99
to
In article <83gn8...@news2.newsguy.com>, "Bill Baldwin"
<BillB...@micronet.net> wrote:

>The wise men arrived some time after the birth. By that time Mary and Joseph
>were no longer in the stable but had upgraded to a house (or, more likely, a
>room in one).

How do you know that? I know that Herod queried the Magi and killed all


boys two and under, but there's no reason why God couldn't have made the
star appear two years before Christ (which would actually be 8-6 B.C.).

--
Hank Gillette

David Samuel Barr

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Dec 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/19/99
to
Philip 'Yes, that's my address' Newton wrote:

>
> On Fri, 17 Dec 1999 16:53:46 -0600, "Tim Robinson" <bo...@see.sig>
> wrote:
>
> >Anyone got a candidate worse than those?
>
> Not really bad, but open to interpretation:
>
> "What fun it is to ride and sing a slaying song tonight". Hmmm... a
> song about killing people?

That's the BtVS version, of course.

Gary S. Callison

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Dec 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM12/19/99
to
DW (ludwi...@mail.earthlink.net) wrote:
: Someone nominated a version of "Carol of the Bells" by a certain

You should check out the "Carol Of The Bells, M'kay?" version. Note: you
may have to listen to it a couple times before you realize how artfully
they've wedged the "M'kay"s into the lyrics. I didn't care for his song in
the movie, but this song was an excellent showcase for his character.

--
Huey
Character? OK, maybe that's a little much. "Line Drawing" then.