Beginner's guide to AFBR
Father Viv
VERSION 1.02
Edited by Father Viv
Father.Vivi...@SaintAlfonzosPancakeBreakfast.com
A text version of this document will be occasionally
posted to the newsgroup.
--------------------------------------
Accordionists (see "Smokers")
--------------------------------------
AOL (also 'AOL that.')
Shorthand for 'I agree with the previous post'.
Originates from days of yore when AOL users were deemed
to be dumb newbies with no netiquette, who would post
content-free missives such as "I agree" or "Me too".
--------------------------------------
Banal
Adjective frequently coined by one time poster Amedeo to
describe any film that wasn't black and white or
subtitled, or didn't feature nuns on bicycles.
--------------------------------------
Beards (see "Gnomus and Father Viv")
--------------------------------------
Belgium
As a Belginian, regular poster Lukas Mariman, is often
the butt of a number of jokes on AFBR. One such exchange
led to arch rant-meister Lukas exclaiming that most of
the ng correspondents knew nothing about Belgium. So,
for those people, here's the scoop:
Belgium... land of windmills, clogs, lederhosen, paella,
alphorns, cuckoo clocks, Nazi gold, surly waiters wearing
berets cycling through the cobbled streets in their
pearly king suits. Belgian politics are largely dominated
by nationalist pressure groups who are demanding that the
national language return to Catalan, in keeping with
Belgium's historical fatherland, Wales. Belgian people
originate from one of two ethnic groups, the Flemish
(Belgium's real name historically is Flemland) and the
Slovaks, who hail orginally from Rwanda. Famous Belgians
include Hercule Poirot, Plastic Bertrand, Tintin, Anne
Franks, Ayrton Senna, Pol Pot, Richard Stilgoe, Yul
Brynner and Godzilla. The national sports of Belgium are
popinjay archery and foxy boxing, both of which stem from
Belgium's historical role as the first line of marine
defence against the Spanish armada, which sailed from
Mexico in the 11th century B.C. and the Belgian's
favourite tipple is the weissbier, with its unique taste
coming from the extended contact between the grape
juice and skins during the fermentation process. Due to
Belgium's famously lax licensing laws, weissbier can be
enjoyed at any time of day, normally completely naked
and surrounded by small children.
Belgium is located in Europe. It is regarded as one of
the lesser Scandinavian states and is entirely landlocked
by Monacco. Its capital is Den Hague (literally "the
golden coast") and it is ruled by its staunchly Jesuit
royalty, Queen Beatrix and Prince Rainier.
--------------------------------------
Blame me (also 'Blame Lukas')
Blame and Lukas seem go hand in hand. The original
etymology of "Blame Lukas" is unclear; it appears to have
been started in the KDX Chat Room by one-time ng regular
Wombie, possibly in homage to the "Blame Lucas" T-shirts,
worn by old-school Star Wars fans who objected to George
Lucas tinkering with the original Star Wars trilogy,
introducing Jar Jar Binks and generally attempting to
disguise a fat neck by wearing a beard.
Lukas himself has taken to using the expression of 'Blame
me', this is generally used as a mild expression of
defiance, akin to 'so sue me', or 'what ya gonna do?'
Example: "To be honest I never read the novel. Blame me."
--------------------------------------
Bodacious ta-tas
Those who have met ng regular Terry are immediately struck
by her classical beauty and her femininity; indeed czf
was describing Terry's manifold virtues and captured
the moment perfectly when she said:
"And did I mention a *great* rack?"
Indeed, after Terry and czf's 2003 expedition together,
czf submitted a first-hand report about Terry's ample
charms:
"She does have quite a set of bodacious ta-tas."
We here at Mellorman Towers are unsure what a ta-ta is,
and even less sure how many ta-tas constitute a set, but
rest assured as soon as we know, we'll share.
--------------------------------------
Call me <adjective>
One of the oldest jokes known to man, but always popular
in this ng. Requires a mark to preface their post with a
defensive statement such as 'Call me old-fashioned but.".
The next poster then quotes only that part of the post
and responds accordingly. For example:
Netrunner: Just call me obsessive
Mellorman: Uh...ok... all together now.
There are a number of variations on this particular joke.
For example:
StainlessSteelRat: The one thing MS do well are mice. I
can heartily recommend them.
Mellorman: Go on then.
StainlessSteelRat: I heartily recommend them.
--------------------------------------
Cats (see "Which are better: cats or dogs?")
--------------------------------------
Christians (see "Smokers")
--------------------------------------
Clones (see "Gnomus and Father Viv")
--------------------------------------
connery 1970 pinto wedgy lettuce
An in-joke, first used in 2002 by regular poster Evil
Sponge, in reference to a comment by one-time regular
ElfBlade. Generally used to indicate that everything in
BR-dom has been discussed already and that therefore
details of the discussion can be found on Google. The
example of points to discuss, posited by ElfBlade was:
[Quote]
What about Leon's Ant Man Underoos? Or Roy's penchant for
giving people killer wedgies? Or the fact that Deckard's
Nexus-Seven issue liver can absorb all the alcohol in a
liquor store with room enough left over to fit a family
of four, their animoid dog, the Planet Uranus, the Mona
Lisa, A head of lettuce, Young Bond-era Sean Connery, and
a beat-up 1970 Pinto hatchback.
[End Quote]
--------------------------------------
Counter Strike
Contrary to popular opinion, men are not totally fixated
about women's bodies. In fact, physical beauty comes a
poor third after a woman's appreciation of Blade Runner,
(see "Why women hate Blade Runner") and her ability
(and/or desire) to play Counter Strike. Thus whenever a
new female poster posts to the ng (extremely infrequent),
one of the first questions she will be asked is whether
she plays Counter Strike.
Strangely, female posters don't stay long.
--------------------------------------
DeLorean
Deeply shoddy Irish-built sports car, constructed largely
out of recycled milk cartons and lawnmower parts. Caused
a major flame-war in the ng in 2002 after some discussion
of its role in Back to the Future.
--------------------------------------
Dogs (see "Which are better: cats or dogs?")
--------------------------------------
Ewok appeaser
Affectionate term for regular poster Patrick MM, who for
some reason has a remarkably high tolerance for the
stupid furry cretins, even though they thoroughly ruin
Return of the Jedi.
--------------------------------------
fuck the top sposting.
Famous quote by ng regular czf (now lcz) after enduring a
heavily medicated eye examination. The full post reads:
[Quote]
kkksddddiiii
oh bloddy hell. nervfer attempt to hookkkk uop headphone
ond morphine.
Im bbsck and alive but will pasout shortly.
fuck the top sposting.
[End Quote]
A classic post, often emulated, but never equalled.
--------------------------------------
Glowing eyes (see "Reflecting eyes")
--------------------------------------
Gnomus and Father Viv
Are they one and the same person? Are they the result of
some unholy cloning accident? Which one is the evil
twin?
It's difficult to say for sure; certainly you never see
them both in the same room at the same time, but the
confusion appears to stem from the Roll Call Gallery,
where both correspondents have beards. Does this prove
conclusively that they are both manifestations of the
same phenomena? Sadly no, as Amedeo, Charybdis y La
Zanahoria, DJohn37050, Gilly, Netrunner, NexxuSix,
RoyBoy and Synaptyx all have (or have had) beards and
nobody gives them a hard time. Furthermore, an inside
source reports that Father Viv no longer sports a beard!
Gnomus has always flatly denied any similarity:
[Quote]
There is no doppleganger issue. Just because Mellorman
has an identity crisis doesn't mean diddly. I'm Gnomus.
He's whomever -- or whatever -- he wants to be. End of
story.
[End Quote]
Father Viv, on the other hand, is rather more coy:
StainlessSteelRat: Gnomus? Or Slowburn? Oof, I'm
confused...
Father Viv: By observing the experiment, you influence
its outcome.
StainlessSteelRat: are you fatherviv(at)hotmail(dot)com?
Father Viv: If you have to ask the price, you cannot
afford it.
Evil Sponge: Have you grown a second head yet? Is that
where Gnomus came from?
Father Viv: No, that's more of a Schroedinger's cat type
vibe...
--------------------------------------
Grey side
The grey side is the position of those people who are
either unsure whether Deckard is a replicant, or believe
that the director did not intend to deliver conclusive
proof of Deckard's physiology either way. These people
("Deck-an-Ambiguous") often believe that the question (of
Deckard's humanity) is more important than the answer
(qv).
--------------------------------------
Hanuman
In Hinduism, Hanuman is the son of Anjana, a female
monkey, and is revered as a god who aided Rama in
rescuing his wife, Sita, from King Ravana.
However, as far AFBR is concerned, all we need to know is
that Hanuman is a Monkey God (qv), first cited by Lukas
Mariman in 2002 in one of his trademark swipes at all
forms of religion. At the time Hanuman was the subject of
speculation in the Indian national press that he had
'returned'.
A long-running in-joke, Hanuman still crops up in AFBR,
either as a random deity, in exclamations (e.g. "What in
the name of Hanuman was that?") or as a means of casting
aspersions on someone's character (qv Monkey God, Smoker,
Christian etc.)
--------------------------------------
I resemble that.
A self-deprecating play on the expression "I resent
that", used by Lukas Mariman in response to criticism,
parody, castigation or indeed anything at all. Has
largely been supplanted by "Blame me" (qv) recently.
--------------------------------------
Intellectual interests
One particular ng regular, Royboy, revealed in 2005 in
his Wikipedia profile that he had "intellectual
interests". The rest of us, we muddle along as best we
can in our sad little hum-drum worlds. Oh, if only we
too could have intellectual interests...[sniff]
--------------------------------------
Is Deckard a replicant?
No.
--------------------------------------
Kicks his ass
Technique employed by one-time ng regular The Log to deal
with trolls, spammers, flamers, monkey gods (qv), smokers
(qv) etc. For full effect the words must be enclosed in
double colons, thus:
:: kicks his ass ::
--------------------------------------
KW Jeter (see "twat")
--------------------------------------
Know what a turtle is?
One of the longest-running jokes in AFBR, dating back to
1999, possibly earlier. The joke requires a mark to ask
"What is a XYZ?" (where XYZ is a noun of any
description), whereupon one of the ng regulars will then
respond "Know what a turtle is? Same thing." (at this
point the entire ng dissolves into paroxysms of
laughter). Six years on and still as funny as hell. No,
really.
--------------------------------------
LeBrainBoy (see "pulling a LeBrainBoy")
--------------------------------------
Marimba
The correct spelling of Mariman.
--------------------------------------
Monkey God (see "Smokers")
--------------------------------------
Musicians (see "Smokers")
--------------------------------------
My cat's name is Mittens
A deliberate non sequitur used originally by Ralph Wiggum
to change the subject away from anything he found
uncomfortable. Generally used in AFBR after Ridwan has
described his latest DVD mastering technology. For
example.
Ridwan: I have found out how to turn a 2.0 wav file into
a 5.1 ac3, it involves feeding the audio through
smoothing, sharpening and scaling filters to a
letterboxed NTSC which can be split up into individual
Dolby ProLogic II wav files and then encoded to 5.1 wav
with only 3:2 pulldown removal applied using a special
interpolation type technique that can double or triple
the playback speed, so that the original pixels of the
image aren't blurred by re-scaling so you get a PAL
anamorphic version which would be fake anamorphic due to
rescaling the NTSC letterbox image. Only took about
16 hours on a P4 2.4ghz 800mhz FSB.
Father Viv: My cat's name is Mittens
--------------------------------------
No, really.
Quotation from BR. Used to accentuate, emphasise or to
imply sincerity. Confusingly also used ironically, so as
to imply insincerity. Advanced users only.
--------------------------------------
Paul M Sammon's email address
One of the most popular in-jokes of recent years, in its
basic form the joke consists of speculating who has Paul
M Sammon's email address, or where it might be found.
The joke originally started in 2003 after a request for
the email address from a short-lived ng contributor
called AquaticRsh. It prompted the following dialogue:
Lukas Mariman: I don't have it.
Lukas Mariman: No, REALLY.
Evil Sponge: Lukas doesn't have it either.
StainlessSteelRat: I thought Lukas didn't have it?
Lukas Mariman: There must be a misunderstanding. I don't
have it.
StainlessSteelRat: So you have it?
Lukas Mariman: Actually, no. I don't. Do you?
StainlessSteelRat: Spongey?
Evil Sponge: What are we talking about? Ask Lukas.
Mellorman: I have it, if anyone wants it.
Lukas Mariman: You're serious?
Mellorman: About what?
Evil Sponge: Anything... ?
Due to Paul Sammon's encyclopaedic knowledge of BR,
virtually any question regarding the film (or indeed,
anything at all) now normally descends into debate over
whether we should ask Paul Sammon and how we could go
about contacting him.
Sadly, Paul M Sammon's email address is now thought to be
extinct. The last confirmed sighting was by czf in
September 2003:
"I actually met Paul Sammon at the beach, and he wrote
his email address in the wet sand, but alas it was low
tide and ..."
--------------------------------------
Paul is dead
A reference to the theory that the real Paul McCartney
died as a result of head injuries sustained in a car
accident sometime in the sixties. The Beatles were at the
apex of their popularity and rather than risk losing
that, a look-alike called Billy Campbell (also called
Billy Shears) was brought in, and has basically
impersonated Paul McCartney ever since.
There is considerable "evidence" to support this, such as
album cover references, lyrical references, hidden
messages that have to be played backwards and so on. The
most famous examples are on Abbey Road and Sgt Pepper's
Lonely Hearts Club Band.
Father Viv (nee Mellorman) occasionally trots out this
old tripe during the regular and inevitable Deck-a-Rep
debates. It serves as illustration that if you have a
certain point of view, however nonsensical, you can (with
some imagination) conjure up no end of evidence to
support that position.
(Note: This should not be confused with The Log's sig -
"We may all be killed" Paul - which Gnomus kindly advised
me is a reference to Blue Velvet. So there you are.)
--------------------------------------
pulling a LeBrainBoy
To pull a LeBrainBoy is the act of disappearing up one's
own fundament, whilst simultaneously rabidly babbling
vitreolic filth. Beware, however; if you are going to do
this properly, it's more an art than a science. Take a
look at the following classic post from LeBrainBoy
himself, dating from 2003 (note: due to the colourful
language employed in the original I have replaced some
of the profanities with more acceptable alternatives,
indicated by square brackets. I trust this won't detract
from your reading pleasure)
[Quote]
Hey, if you guys would prefer to continue your anti-
American [circular walk] (I notice POD and the log just
could not wait to get their hands in, grab a
hold of Lukas's [duck] and start [flapping]), hey, it's
true, there's nothing I can do to stop you.
It's just a damn shame you [donkey mouths] decided to
[spill] your anti-American [gravy] all over the BLADE
RUNNER newsgroup. You [scoundrels] -- and by that I mean
you, Lukas -- managed to completely [hoover] away the few
small pleasures there were to be found here. [...] After
all, at some point in your life, you decided that this
was *your* newsgroup, you [utter bounder].
In conclusion, all that's left for me to say to you that,
heretofore, has gone unsaid is, "[Flip] you."
[End Quote]
They don't write 'em like that anymore (praise be to
Hanuman!)
--------------------------------------
Rack (see "Bodacious ta-tas")
--------------------------------------
Reflecting eyes
A reference to the cinematographic device used by Ridley
Scott whereby the audience could identify replicants by
the reflection of light from their eyes (in the same way
that a cat's eyes do). This is covered in detail in the
BR FAQ.
The reason this has become a hot topic of debate is that
it has been described on occasion as "glowing" eyes.
Whilst the eyes may appear to glow, clearly they do not
generate light, they merely reflect it. It may sound like
a pedantic point, but it's one of those things that gets
to you after a while, like people who say Doctor Spock
when they mean Mr Spock, or Cliff Richards instead of
Cliff Richard. Typically coined by the same misguided
souls who believe in Deck-a-Rep.
--------------------------------------
Sammit
An expression of annoyance or frustration. Inoffensive,
non-religious alternative to "dammit" (Damn it), first
coined in AFBR by Lukas Mariman in 2003, based on
previous use in the KDX Chat Room. Probably originates
from a typo.
Example: I want the BR:SE and I want it NOW, sammit!
--------------------------------------
Sanity Clause:
This officially does not exist; we have proof from
Christmas 2004:
Lukas Mariman: A merry christmas to all - no matter what
you do or do not believe in.
POD {铱觹: I believe in santy claws
Lukas Mariman: What about a Sanity Clause?
Patrick MM: There's no such thing as a sanity clause.
--------------------------------------
Smokers
In the days when the ng was a hip and happenin' place to
hang out, there would be a number of debates (or "rants"
in today's parlance), many of which would seek to
demonstrate the superiority of one ideology over another.
One of the most hotly debated topics was that of
organised religion, something that Lukas Mariman in
particular was quick to criticise. This led to the
perception, perhaps unfairly, that certain ng
contributors were "bashing" the Christian contributors.
Other discussions tackled the demerits of smoking, the
fecklessness of musicians, and so on. Thus a number of
in-jokes have arisen, mostly parodies of megalomania,
based on what are deemed to be "negative" attributes.
Parties so far identified as "undesirable" include:
Christians, smokers, musicians (particularly
accordionists), monkey gods (and their followers),
atheists, lawyers and majorities, inter alia.
In more recent times, peace has broken out and even Lukas
has been known to say "Why can't we all just... get
along?" (qv)
--------------------------------------
snop (also snopp, schnopp, snaroo)
The word 'snop' gained currency as a replacement for
'snip', as used when judiciously trimming a previous post
for quotation. The success of 'snop' was assured when ng
regular Man Machine pointed out that it was in fact a
Scandawegian colloquialism for penis, broadly equivalent
to 'willie'. Since then 'snop' has undergone a couple of
transformations, firstly to 'snopp' (as it is actually
spelt in Scandawegian) and more latterly to 'schnopp', in
reference to the Grolsch beer commercial. For example:
<Schnopp... this beer is not ready yet>
Closely related to 'snop' is 'snaroo'. Again, derived
from snipping a previous post, 'snaroo' originates from
an homage to Mary Poppins: "Snip snippetty snip snippetty
snip snip snaroo". In the confusion that followed,
'snaroo' has come to represent a euphemism for anything
rude. Well, almost anything.
--------------------------------------
Socks + sandals (see "Beards")
--------------------------------------
Spooking in the head
Obscure expression meaning to unsettle, disturb, confuse
or otherwise have an effect on. The expression's origin
is unclear, but it is used mostly by (and about) Lukas
Mariman.
Lukas: "WHAT is happening to this ng? The decadence, the
fighting, the swearing, the drugs... It spooks me in my
head just thinking about it!"
--------------------------------------
Terry (see "Bodacious ta-tas")
--------------------------------------
That's just crazy talk
A rejoinder normally attributed to ng regular RoyBoy.
RoyBoy first used the expression in 2000, but now
generally only unleashes it on special occasions, more's
the pity.
--------------------------------------
The question is more important than the answer
An argument often posited by Deck-a-Ambiguous (see "grey
side") posters. The argument is that the debate over
Deckard's humanity is more important than a conclusive
answer either way; by extension, it was not Ridley
Scott's intention to portray Deckard as irrefutably
replicant, rather to raise the possibility that he might
be.
--------------------------------------
There's no accounting for taste
A favourite axiom of Lukas, normally in an attempt to
defend some horrendous 1980s TV series DVD boxed-set that
he has just bought.
In 2004, Slowburn (now Father Viv) controversially
suggested TasteeTokens, a universal accounting system for
taste. At the time of writing this system has not
achieved widespread acceptance.
--------------------------------------
Tits.
Another vintage post from czf in 2003. The exact reason
for this lewd and shocking outburst is unclear. What we
do know, however, was that it appeared in the context of
the Abbott and Costello "Who's on First?" routine:
[Quote]
David Spiro: I'm not asking you who's on second. No,
who's on first?
I don't know! THIRD BASE!
Czf: Now if you had asked me who's on second, I could've
told you.
David Spiro: What?
Czf: Tits.
[End Quote]
Hailed at the time as a classic post, it has endured to
the present day, when it is celebrated every 26th of May.
Evil Sponge encapsulated it nicely: "the brief and
simplistic beauty of the signifier is surpassed only by
the naturalistic aesthetic beauty of the signified."
--------------------------------------
TQIMITTA
Acronym for "The question is more important than the
answer"
--------------------------------------
Which are better: cats or dogs?
Dogs.
--------------------------------------
Why can't we all just... get along?
Plaintive plea often made by Lukas Mariman in an attempt
to pacify an argument or flame-war that has spun out of
control. The fact that Lukas is responsible for starting
90% of the arguments is conveniently overlooked. Let's
blame him!
--------------------------------------
Why do women hate Blade Runner?
Well, short answer is they don't. Not all of them,
anyway. But BR does seem to have a predominantly male
following; why is that, Leon? It maybe just part of
the general gender split that is associated with sci-fi,
or maybe there is something specific in BR that does
not appeal to the ladeeez.
It has been posited that the scene with Deckard and
Rachel in the corridor may be offensive to some, with
undertones of coercion, or even rape. However, lcz
(who by her own admission is very female) rebuts this:
[Quote]
Deck senses the conflict within her. She's a rep, but
she is capable of so much more than a "normal" rep.
Her unease catapults her to the door. He beats her to
it. He forces her to look inside herself, to really
examine what she really wants to me. She is confused.
She cries. She's a rep AND she's a woman, with a
woman's sense of sexuality buried insider her. He
challenges her to bring that to the surface, to allow
her that release.
Their actions afterward were not of a horny human male
getting his rocks off with a 'pleasure model'. He MADE
LOVE to her. She MADE LOVE to him. She slept curled
in his bed, comfortable, safe, drinking in his scent,
allowing herself to let rise that latent sexuality.
And revel in it.
[End Quote]
--------------------------------------
You're a dedicated man
A compliment, based on Zhora's line in BR. Usually used
after a ng contributor has done or discovered something
notable or novel.
See also "You've done a man's job"
--------------------------------------
You've done a man's job
A compliment, based on Gaff's line in BR. Usually used
after a ng contributor has done or discovered something
notable or novel.
[END OF DOCUMENT]
POD {铱觹
wrote in news:43qe49F...@individual.net:
And you wonder why Lukas is so screwed up? I'd be a serial killer too,
if I lived there!
--
Thank you kindly
POD {铱觹
"Girls, don't you wish your fella was hot like me?"
Lukas Mariman
"POD {铱觹" <DONT.EVE...@DEADSPAM.COM> schreef in bericht
news:Xns9756F2485...@212.23.3.119...
That's what you get if you get your info from Wikipedia! ;-)
> And you wonder why Lukas is so screwed up? I'd be a serial killer too,
> if I lived there!
Me too!
Oh, no, wait...
POD {铱觹
wrote in news:43qe49F...@individual.net:
> A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO ALT.FAN.BLADE-RUNNER
>
> VERSION 1.02
Can I suggest an addition?
"That'll be on the three disc special edition"
in relation to any question concerning mythical material from Blade
Runner..
I know I've used it, and I wish to improve on my pathetic single entry in
this fine volume.
Jules Verne
wrote:
> --------------------------------------
> Sammit
>
> An expression of annoyance or frustration. Inoffensive,
> non-religious alternative to "dammit" (Damn it), first
> coined in AFBR by Lukas Mariman in 2003, based on
> previous use in the KDX Chat Room. Probably originates
> from a typo.
>
> Example: I want the BR:SE and I want it NOW, sammit!
>
If I may be of a little help on this one. I was here in the Writer's
Block (KDX chat room where Lukas spent a lot of time with some
questionnable friends) and I was here when the Sammit (amongts other
"Blame me" and "No Really") was born.
The author of this typo is a Danish guy named Tyge who is a close friend
of Lukas and I and some other peoples from the glorious era of this
group.
That's the only thing I wanted to say.
.JV
Father Viv
news:1hao6hu.43tt744vf8f8N%jules...@alussinan.org...
Cool. Your etymology will be included with the next release.
Nice to have you back, btw.
--
Father Viv
"You're twisting my Mellorman, you know you talk so hip man, you're twisting
my Mellorman. Call the cops!"
Jules Verne
wrote:
> Cool. Your etymology will be included with the next release.
>
> Nice to have you back, btw.
Thanks and thanks ;)
.JV