Bill Gates' Biography Unauthorized

[Tucky]

Actually, it all began when Bill won the Peek-a-boo contest.
Some of those other kids were three and five-year-old ringers.
Understandably, Bill didn't finish highest in the earliest rounds, but
he caught on fast. Bill quickly learned in an intuitive infant way that
if the others weren't going to play fair, then he would have to play
better.
One of the least universally understood aspects of Bill's
philosophy has its origins in this signal event. Although entirely
amenable to the understanding of the lay person and apprehensible to the
most remote New Guinea Cargo-Cultist, Bill's Weltanschuaung continues to
elude the grasp of today's techno-literary elite.
Fundamentally, Bill believes in doing fun things right, pun
intended.
After a droll Nativity in Michigan, Bill was carried off to the
"Egypt" of modern America, Harvard and Boston Common. There, beneath the
glowering aegis of Fanueil Hall, the Ancient Temple of New World
Democracy, Bill became trained by the indigenous priestly lights in the
practical applications of "Success", or as they liked to call it in
their archaic argot, "Increase".
Thus, when confronted by the Goliath-Baalam, IBM, the enigmatic
electro-Golem of "other-gentlemen's-mail-readers", Bill was unperturbed.
In fact, Bill's innate predeliction toward digital logic was
first expressed in his earliest vocal development, when his entire
vocabulary in word or gesture consisted of "yes", and by extension, "not
yes".
Scurrilous and mean-spirited biographers have insisted that such
obvious precocious evidences are not substantially digital at all, but
rather, they insist in their amateur familiarity with post-modern
deconstructionist psycho-babble, the seemingly random pre-conscious
environmental philo-phobic spasms of the immature primate
neurophysiology to which many developmental scientists readily admit
Bill may have been susceptible, AT THAT TIME.
Plainly, "Yes" and "Not yes" were not an over-arching
epistimological conundrum to young Bill. As Bill's mom later said when
Bill came home with homework, "You do the Math!"
Unsympathetic biographers, examining this anecdote have asserted
that it is incompehenibly inarticulate, too vague in rhetorical import
to have been said by Bill's mom. These absurdo-reductionist redactors of
THE TRUTH submit that certainly, "You do the Math!" would more likely
have been said by one of Bill's siblings, perhaps [!] even a neighbor
child.
Clearly, to raise questions about the efficacy of Bill's rearing
and to place arbitrary constraints on the nurturing facility of Bill's
beloved parents is a low blow. To suggest that statistically
insignificant outside influences dictated the progression of Bill's
sociological development is to dismiss outright any prospect of Hope,
and to relegate good actions by good, caring people to the waste bin of
maudlin sentimentality.
Happily, Bill overcame the chimeric roadblocks of blind
evolution his biographers have hitherto laid in print before him, and
Bill entered the strange and wonderful status of pubescience...
That Bill Gates might be capable of eliciting "normal" human
reproductive behavior is an idea that has given rise to no end of
speculation and titillating inuendo among the investigators of Bill's
typically American progress to adulthood. However, the only revelation
common to all of these imaginings, which by its ubiquity may have a
grain of truth, is that Bill had body odor after working at a convention
for thirty-six hours straight. Ye Gods!
This, after all, is how self-styled objective investigators
with preconcieved agendas would malign in the name of reality Bill's
wholly apparent correctness. But we can do better. Marriage and
Fatherhood, those in the know will quicky allow, are the Great Levellors
of the Human Condition and a Blessing that cannot be gainsaid.
In the meantime, Bill Gates invented the computer.
Here endeth Bill's biography.

[Vicki]

>THE TRUTH submit that certainly, "You do the Math!" would more

HAHAHAHAHAH, this all post was hilarious, but this was by far the very best!
I loved it.

Vicki

[James Williams]

Bless you!