It's good to know that I'm sane

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Beable van Polasm

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May 17, 2003, 9:18:37 PM5/17/03
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Andrew Pearson <apea...@pt.lu> writes:
>
> Those who managed to survive by scrounging rations were doomed to
> madness. Army paperwork and a plentiful supply of corporals is the
> kind of thing which would give Kafka nightmares, and a few years of
> that were enough to shatter the strongest mind.

Oh yeah, corporals. They're like anti-zombies. Corporals try to break
your brane, but if you're sneaky, and have a reasonable sense of
humour, you can get the upper hand and BREAK THEIRS! I remember my
section went through three corporals in two weeks. One of them is
probably still gibbering about "THE KOALAS! THE KOALAS! DON'T LET THE
KOALAS GET ME!" Another one truly believes that he IS a COW. MOOOOO!

--
I call foul. This should have had 'Patrick Stewart', not 'Jon
Stewart'. What kind of a troll are you? -- Jacob Haller
http://beable.com

Andrew Pearson

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May 19, 2003, 1:13:38 AM5/19/03
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Beable van Polasm <beable+...@beable.com.invalid> wrote in message news:<eek7cph...@dingo.beable.com>...

> Andrew Pearson <apea...@pt.lu> writes:
> >
> > Those who managed to survive by scrounging rations were doomed to
> > madness. Army paperwork and a plentiful supply of corporals is the
> > kind of thing which would give Kafka nightmares, and a few years of
> > that were enough to shatter the strongest mind.
>
> Oh yeah, corporals. They're like anti-zombies. Corporals try to break
> your brane, but if you're sneaky, and have a reasonable sense of
> humour, you can get the upper hand and BREAK THEIRS! I remember my
> section went through three corporals in two weeks. One of them is
> probably still gibbering about "THE KOALAS! THE KOALAS! DON'T LET THE
> KOALAS GET ME!" Another one truly believes that he IS a COW. MOOOOO!

No doubt the corporals thought that your sense of humour was
unreasonable.

I know little of corporals though and my grandfather only ever
mentioned them in so far as they infested the army camp at Deolali.
That was it for NCOs.

Further, he mentioned officers only twice that I remember - once as
saying "no you can't take that goose with you into Germany, it's not a
pet someone will have to shoot it" (which no one wanted to do) and
once as wandering about incautiously too close to the firing range
where they could be shot by "accident" (which everyone wanted to do).

He also claimed that if you shot them in the head, it made little
apparent difference. I suspect that [1] may have been hyperbole.

While I'm rambling on the subject of the old fellow's normally
relatively terse and infrequent reminiscences I shall share the advice
he gave me:

1) Never voluteer.
2) Never cross a Pathan
3) When driving in town, never pull out in front of a tram
4) Never drink espresso from a jug
6) I've forgotten this one. Oh dear. May be it was something about
gardening.

If these maxims were derived from one incident, it must have been
pretty damn hairy. But of that, he never spoke.

And there you have it.

[1] that that? that this? Grammar is fiddiclut.

Beable van Polasm

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May 19, 2003, 1:27:35 AM5/19/03
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spot the robot <a@b.c> writes:
>
> On Sat, 17 May 2003 20:21:09 +0000 (UTC), John D Salt
> <john...@NOSPAM.btclick.com> wrote:
>
> <What I want to know is, are these different kinds of nonsense, or
> <aspects of the same unitary great cosmic nonsense?
>
> Well I hate to be blunt about this, but, well, it wouldn't be any
> kind of nonsense if you poor bastards hadn't totally pissed away
> your whole world empire years and years ago, damnit, and I'm sorry.

HEY! Don't you READ ARK?

http://www.anomalous-images.com/christo.html

They didn't "piss away the empire", they MOVED IT TO DE-VER
INTE-NATIONAL AIR-ORT, and added some funky murals.

-> You mentioned that the Qu-en of E-gland has been buying up a lot of
-> property in Colorado under a pseudonym. Why don't we start on the
-> subject of the British.

Hmmm, I wonder what the Que^n of En-land's pseudonym might be? The
"Quee- of Canad-" perhaps? Naaah, that'd be too easy to spot. "Liz-ie
S-xburg-Go-he"? Maybe "Heil Beast"?

http://membres.lycos.fr/klauswagner/r13.htm
http://www.fashion-era.com/jubilee_pictures.htm


http://www.anomalous-images.com/christo.html

-> The information, primarily, that is in Pa-dora's B-x covers how the
-> major corporations, railroad and banking concerns in this country
-> were set up through a trust that was originally known as the
-> Virgi^ia Co^pany, and there was a survivor to the massacre of the
-> royalty in France during the French Revolution, Marie Antoinette
-> and King Louis' son, the Dauphin, who survived and was smuggled out
-> of France. The Dauphin went to the United States via England, where
-> he signed a contract with the Vi-ginia C-mp-ny. He came here to
-> help the businesses, especially banking, in the United States.

PTCHOH! Like a DOLPHIN could help with banking. They'd be going
"EEKEEEK EEKEEEEK EEKEEK!" and eating up all the squids they could get
their pointy little teeth into.

-> The deal was that everything would remain under English control, or
-> subservient to it, and that brings us right up to today, because we
-> are still looking at everything falling under that trust system
-> going back to the Crow- of -ngland. It is mind boggling to think
-> that everyone in this country has been led to believe that the
-> people in the United States had won independence from England, when
-> in fact they never did.

SUCKERS! SUCKERS! SUCKERS! THE QUEEN IS STILL THE BOSS! AND she's
actually a GERMAN, which ties straight back into OPER-TI-N P-PERC-IP!

-> DA: It is interesting when you consider Op-rat-on Pa-er-lip wherein
-> all these N-zi's were brought to the United States to be groomed,
-> financed, and basically brought back into power.
-> AC: Well, I know they're here, because I have seen them alongside
-> the Americans in the more sensitive areas of the airport.

You just keep grooming your Naz-s, Spot the Robot, if that IS your
REAL name.

cheers
Beable

William Burke

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May 19, 2003, 3:31:51 AM5/19/03
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In article <eed6ifh...@dingo.beable.com>,

Beable van Polasm <beable+...@beable.com.invalid> wrote:

> They didn't "piss away the empire", they MOVED IT TO DE-VER
> INTE-NATIONAL AIR-ORT, and added some funky murals.

please note that there is no NRP in our oh, never mind.

--p

Beable van Polasm

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May 19, 2003, 4:52:41 AM5/19/03
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apea...@pt.lu (Andrew Pearson) writes:
>
> No doubt the corporals thought that your sense of humour was
> unreasonable.

Oh yeah, they were out to get me. But I was a much better shot than
them, so they decided to try to ignore me and hope that I would go
away.



> Further, he mentioned officers only twice that I remember - once as
> saying "no you can't take that goose with you into Germany, it's not
> a pet someone will have to shoot it" (which no one wanted to do) and
> once as wandering about incautiously too close to the firing range
> where they could be shot by "accident" (which everyone wanted to
> do).

You've got to remember that officers are really quite different.
For example, if a battalion was donating some money to charity or
something like that, they would always say "From the officers and
men of XXX Battalion". In other words, officers AREN'T men. They
are also considered somewhere between slightly mad to totally mad.
Better if you just listen to the sergeant, sonny.

> He also claimed that if you shot them in the head, it made little
> apparent difference. I suspect that [1] may have been hyperbole.

They're human, and they bleed. But they are subject to Military Law
just like soldiers are. So that means if you salute an officer, then
they are REQUIRED BY LAW to salute back. Any time you're in a
barracks, there's always heaps of saluting opportunities. If you've
got a section of 10 men, you can split up so that you are each twenty
metres apart, and then each march past the officer and salute, thus
making his arm fall off as he has to salute each of you individually.
HAW HAW! And you can even make him salute without moving your arm, by
knowing the law. You see, you must salute an officer, but you are also
not allowed to salute unless you have a hat on. Therefore, if you have
no hat on, you stand to attention, and that counts as a salute. Then
if the officer has a hat on, he has to salute back! IT'S THE LAW! So
you get 30 blokes without hats, split them up, get each one to march
past the officer and stop swinging their arms, look the officer in the
eye, yell out "SARRRRR!", and then the officer has to salute! You get
thirty salutes for the price of zero! Oh what fun and games you can
have inside a rigid rules system!

> While I'm rambling on the subject of the old fellow's normally
> relatively terse and infrequent reminiscences I shall share the
> advice he gave me:
>
> 1) Never voluteer.

This is good advice, but the sergeant will say you volunteered even
if you didn't. Or they will trick you into volunteering, like this:

"Who knows how to drive a tractor?"

[Six diggers stick their hands up]

"Ok, go and unload all that crap off that truck, and then dig a
latrine for the platoon".

"What about the tractor, sarge?"

"We don't have any fukken tractors. Whaddya think we are, fukken
farmers?"

Your best bet is to take up smoking. When it looks like there's work
to be done, light up a durry, and hopefully the sergeant will pick a
non-smoker to do the work. This doesn't always work, so you might need
to start shaking and then convulsing as you go into nicotine
withdrawal. Even this might not work.

> [1] that that? that this? Grammar is fiddiclut.

You know the old rule: if it's in the Bible, it's ok!

http://bible.crosswalk.com/OnlineStudyBible/bible.cgi?word=%22that+that%22&version=kjv

There we go, ten hits!

Rich Holmes

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May 19, 2003, 11:56:31 AM5/19/03
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Beable van Polasm <beable+...@beable.com.invalid> writes:

> http://www.anomalous-images.com/christo.html
>
> They didn't "piss away the empire", they MOVED IT TO DE-VER
> INTE-NATIONAL AIR-ORT, and added some funky murals.
>
> -> You mentioned that the Qu-en of E-gland has been buying up a lot of
> -> property in Colorado under a pseudonym. Why don't we start on the
> -> subject of the British.
>
> Hmmm, I wonder what the Que^n of En-land's pseudonym might be? The
> "Quee- of Canad-" perhaps? Naaah, that'd be too easy to spot. "Liz-ie
> S-xburg-Go-he"? Maybe "Heil Beast"?

"Colorado" is a bit of misdirection; actually she's slipping off to
Oklahoma and entering the occasional 5K race:

<http://www.runningnetworkarchives.com/okrunner/results/5kage.html>

-> Oklahoma 5 km Female Single Age Records
-> By USATF
->
->
-> NAME TOWN ST TIME AGE DATE PLACE/RACE
-> ===================== =============== == ======= === ===== =====================
-> Paula Leach Tulsa OK 19:21 08 06-87 Tulsa/Daybreak Run
-> [...]
-> Betty Windsor Edmond OK 43:40 79 10-99 Watong/Rat Race

--
- Doctroid Doctroid Holmes <http://www.richholmes.net/doctroid/>

"We're waist deep in the Big Muddy
And the big fool says to push on." -- Pete Seeger

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