STRANGER THAN FICTION #3
BobAnarchy
Victories of the religious right
In Texas, Kleberg County commissioners have thrown their support behind a
local man's campaign to take the "hell" out of hello. A county judge said
in December that the commissioners voted unanimously for a resolution
urging the use of "heaven-o" instead of hello in greetings. The idea was
spawned by flea market operator Leonoso Canales, 56, who wanted the
commissioners to make "heaven-o" the official greeting of the county. He
likened "hell-o" to a slap in the face.
Weird Al is Jesus: Accordion music helps prisoners turn their lives
around, or so says a preacher who has marked 40 years of playing at his
local jail. Baptist minister and Salvation Army volunteer Ralph Bailey
says the favorite song among inmates is "Amazing Grace" about a lost soul
who finds redemption. Sgt. Joe de Matteo of the Middlesex County jail in
New Jersey said prisoners clapped and sang along to Bailey's accordion.
"It calms them down," he said. Bailey, 78, said the accordion "seems to
reach their souls more quickly than words ever could."
Guns don't kill people; bullets do
A woman bank teller turned the tables on an armed robber by shooting him
to death after he demanded the bank's money, according to a December 1996
police report. The cool-headed teller at Sberbank in Vladimir, Russia,
pumped four bullets into the man during the robbery Tuesday, prompting his
two accomplices to flee, police said. Officials later detained both men.
Sberbank is a national chain, dating back to Soviet days, where Russians
keep their savings, pay their gas bills and send in rent for state-owned
apartments.
I won't eat until I get another underaged girl!
A judge ruled that former congressman Mel Reynolds, serving a five-year
jail term for sexual misconduct, could be force fed because he refused to
end a hunger strike he began in February. Reynolds told the judge he
stopped eating to protest jail conditions and a lack of access to his
lawyer. He is being held at a high-rise jail in downtown Chicago where he
was transferred to await trial on bank fraud charges. Reynolds resigned
his House seat after he was convicted of having sex with an underage
campaign worker.
Singapore's Court of Appeal has ruled that oral sex is a criminal offense
unless performed as part of foreplay. The court reportedly deemed oral sex
an "unnatural act" unless it leads to intercourse. However, "unnatural
acts" were permissible in foreplay, though the court did not specify which
ones would be considered legal. The case involved a 47-year-old man
accused of duping a 19-year-old woman into performing oral sex on him by
saying the only way she could cure being poisoned was to perform oral sex
on him.
Old people rock!
France's Jeanne Calment, officially the oldest woman in the world and
famed for her wit, celebrates a subdued 122nd birthday on Feb. 21 in a
life that began in an era before films, telephones, cars or aircraft.
Blind, confined to a wheelchair and all but deaf, the white-haired Calment
will spend her birthday at a retirement home in Arles, the southern town
where she has always lived. To protect her from exploitation as she sets
age records, doctors plan to scale back the partying of recent years.
If I could talk to the animals...
Loving homes are being sought for 26 cuddly full-grown rats, rescued from
a trash dumpster by the Michigan Humane Society. The animal welfare
organization said Feb.20 that the rodents available for adoption are not
of the same variety normally associated with bubonic plague. Humane
society spokeswoman Michele Mitchell said the rats are domesticated. "They
make a good pet for someone who wants a rat," she said. Mitchell said the
society will not give the rats to people who own pet snakes or intend to
feed them to other animals.
A rampaging heifer ran through a group of elementary school children on a
field trip on Feb. 21, injuring nine of them, rodeo officials said. The
heifer broke loose while its young handler was leading it out of a trailer
at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. A teacher said the
children were sitting on the ground outside the Astrodome when the loose
animal suddenly stormed through them. The children and one adult who
suffered shock were taken to a local hospital where they were reported to
be in good condition.
Anti-marriage poster children
An Australian conman who paid for his wedding reception with a check
stolen from one of the guests was sentenced to five years in jail on Feb.
21. The man, Nektario Zafiratos, used the stolen check to pay for a lavish
wedding reception last June. The next day Zafiratos stole the guest's car,
which was later found abandoned and damaged. Zafiratos's marriage ended
two months later when he was taken into custody after a crime spree which
saw him use invalid checks to pay for a sports car, jewelery, clothing and
the services of a prostitute.
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