'ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF' (English inconsistencies)
www.mantra.com/jyotish
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough–
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give it up!!!
- Author Unknown
Source - http://www.yourdictionary.com/library/tough.html
Jai Maharaj
http://www.mantra.com/jai
Om Shanti
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Peter Ringeisen
www.mantra.com/jyotish (Dr. Jai Maharaj) wrote:
>English is Tough Stuff
>
>Dearest creature in creation,
>Study English pronunciation.
[...]
>My advice is to give it up!!!
>
>- Author Unknown
>Source - http://www.yourdictionary.com/library/tough.html
This very famous poem about the inconsistencies of English spelling
has a long history of being held authorless. However, the author *is*
known:
The author of "The Chaos" was a Dutchman, the writer and traveller Dr
Gerard Nolst Trenité. Born in 1870, he studied classics, then law,
then political science at the University of Utrecht, but without
graduating (his Doctorate came later, in 1901). From 1894 he was for a
while a private teacher in California, where he taught the sons of the
Netherlands Consul-General. From 1901 to 1918 he worked as a
schoolteacher in Haarlem, and published several schoolbooks in English
and French, as well as a study of the Dutch constitution. From 1909
until his death in 1946 he wrote frequently for an Amsterdam weekly
paper, with a linguistic column under the pseudonym Charivarius. The
first known version of The Chaos appeared as an appendix (Aanhangsel)
to the 4th edition of Nolst Trenité’s schoolbook Drop Your Foreign
Accent: engelsche uitspraakoefeningen (Haarlem: H D Tjeenk
Willink & Zoon, 1920).
The full version of the poem (274 lines) was published in the /Journal
of the Simplified Spelling Society,/ issue No.17, 1994/2,
pp 27-31 and can be found online at this URL:
<http://www.les.aston.ac.uk/sss/jss942caos.html>
The biographical details are also given there.
Regards
Peter.
--
Peter Ringeisen •• p...@gmx.net •• http://pcr.gmxhome.de
"Whilst begging Kipling's pardon / There's one thing we know for sure:
If England is a garden / We ought to have more manure."
(Noël Coward) -> http://british-humour.funurl.com
islamisgrowing2000
Natassia
A search for truth
I was raised to believe in God from childhood. I attended church
nearly every Sunday, went to Bible school, and sang in the choir. Yet
religion was never a really big part of my life.
There were times when I thought myself close to God. I often prayed
to him for guidance and strength in times of despair or for a wish in
times of want. But I soon realized that this feeling of closeness
soon evaporated when I was no longer begging God for something. I
realized that I even though I believed, I lacked faith.
I perceived the world to be a game in which God indulged in from time
to time. He inspired people to write a Bible and somehow people were
able to find faith within this Bible.
As I grew older and became more aware of the world, I believed more in
God. I believed that there had to be a God to bring some order to the
chaotic world. If there were no God, I believed the world would have
ended in utter anarchy thousands of years ago. It was comfort to me
to believe there was a supernatural force guiding and protecting man.
Children usually assume thei religion from parents. I was no
different. At the age of 12, I began to give in depth thinking to my
spirituality. I realized there was a void in my life where a faith
should be. Whenever I was in need or despair, I simply prayed to
someone called Lord. But who was this Lord truly? I once asked my
mother who to pray to, Jesus or God. Believing my mother to be right,
I prayed to Jesus and to him I attributed all good things.
I have heard that religion cannot be argued. My friends and I tried
to do this many times. I often had debates with my friends about
Protestantism, Catholicism, and Judaism. Through these debates I
searched within myself more and more and decided I should do something
about my emptiness. And so at the age of 13, I began my search for
truth.
Humankind is always in constant pursuit of knowledge or the truth. My
search for truth could not be deemed as an active pursuit of
knowledge. I continued having the debates, and I read the Bible
more. But it did not really extend from this. During this period of
time my mother took notice of my behavior and from then on I have been
in a "religious phase." My behavior was far from a phase. I simply
shared my newly gained knowledge with my family. I learned about the
beliefs, practices, and doctrines within Christianity and minimal
beliefs and practices within Judaism.
A few months within my search I realized that if I believe in
Christianity I believed myself to be condemned to Hell. Not even
considering the sins of my past, I was on a "one way road to Hell" as
southern ministers tend to say. I could not believe all the teachings
within Christianity. However, I did try.
I can remember many times being in church and fighting with myself
during the Call to Discipleship. I was told that by simply confessing
Jesus to be my Lord and Savior I would be guaranteed eternal life in
Heaven. I never did walk down the aisle to the pastor's outstretched
hands, and my reluctance even increased my fears of heading for Hell.
During this time I was at unease. I often had alarming nightmares,
and I felt very alone in the world.
But not only did I lack belief but I had many questions that I posed
to every knowledgeable Christian I could find and never really did
receive a satisfactory answer. I was simply told things that confused
me even more. I was told that I am trying to put logic to God and if
I had faith I could simply believe and go to Heaven. Well, that was
the problem I did not have faith. I did not believe.
I did not really believe in anything. I did believe there was a God
and that Jesus was his son sent to save humankind. That was it. My
questions and reasoning did, however, exceed my beliefs.
The questions went on and on. My perplexity increased. My
uncertainty increased. For fifteen years I had blindly followed a
faith simply because it was the faith of my parents.
Something happened in my life in which the little faith I did have
decreased to all but nothing. My search came to a stop. I no longer
searched within myself, the Bible. or church. I had given up for a
while. I was a very bitter parson until one day a friend gave me a
book. It was called "The Muslim-Christian Dialogue."
I took the book and read it. I am ashamed to say that during my
searching never did I once consider another religion. Christianity
was all I knew, and I never thought about leaving it. My knowledge of
Islam was very minimal. In fact, it was mainly filled with
misconception and stereotypes. The book surprised me. I found that I
was not the only one who believed there was a simply a God. I asked
for more books. I received them as well as pamphlets.
I learned about Islam from an intellectual aspect. I had a close
friend who was Muslim and I often asked her questions about the
practices. Never did I once consider Islam as my faith. Many things
about Islam alienated me
After a couple months of reading the month of Ramadan began. Every
Friday I could I joined the local Muslim community for the breaking of
the fast and the reciting of the Quran. I posed questions that I may
have come across to the Muslim girls. I was in awe at how someone
could have so much certainty in what they believed and followed. I
felt myself drawn to the religion that alienated me.
Having believed for so long that I was alone, Islam did comfort me in
many ways. Islam was brought as a reminder to the world. It was
brought to lead the people back to the right path.
Beliefs were not the only thing important to me. I wanted a
discipline to pattern my life by. I did not just want to believe
someone was my savior and through this I held the ticket to Heaven. I
wanted to know how to act to receive the approval of God. I wanted a
closeness to God. I wanted to be God-conscious. Most of all I wanted
a chance for heaven. I began to feel that Christianity did not give
this to me, but Islam did.
I continued learning more. I went to the Eid celebration and jumua
and weekly classes with my friends.
Through religion one receives peace of mind. A calmness about them.
This I had off and on for about three years. During the off times I
was more susceptible to the temptations of Satan. In early February
of 1997 I came to the realization that Islam was right and true.
However, I did not want to make any hasty decisions. I did decide to
wait.
Within this duration the temptations of Satan increased. I can
recollect two dreams in which he was a presence. Satan was calling me
to him. After I awoke from these nightmares I found solace in Islam.
I found myself repeating the Shahadah. These dreams almost made me
change my mind. I confided them in my Muslim friend. She suggested
that maybe Satan was there to lead me from the truth. I never thought
of it that way.
On March 19, 1997 after returning from a weekly class, I recited the
Shahadah to myself. Then on March 26, I recited it before witnesses
and became an official Muslim.
I cannot express the joy I felt. I cannot express the weight that was
lifted from my shoulders. I had finally received my peace of mind.
It has been about five months since I recited the Shahadah. Islam has
made me a better person. I am stronger now and understand things
more. My life has changed significantly. I now have purpose. My
purpose is to prove myself worthy of eternal life in Jannah. I have
my long sought after faith. Religion is a part of me all the time. I
am striving everyday to become the best Muslim I can be.
People are often amazed at how a fifteen year old can make such an
important decision in life. I am grateful that Allah blessed me with
my state of mind that I was able to find it so young.
Striving to be a good Muslim in a Christian dominated society is
hard. Living with a Christian family is even harder. However, I do
not try to get discouraged. I do not wish to dwell on my present
predicament, but I believe that my jihad is simply making me stronger.
Someone once told me that I am better off than some people who were
born into Islam, in that I had to find, experience, and realize the
greatness and mercy of
Allah. I have acquired the reasoning that seventy years of life on
earth is nothing compared to eternal life in Paradise.
I must admit that I lack the aptitude to express the greatness, mercy,
and glory of Allah. I hope my account helped others who may feel the
way I felt or struggle the way I struggled.
Earle Jones
islamisgr...@my-deja.com (islamisgrowing2000) wrote:
> In the Name of Allah, most Compassionate, most Merciful
>
> Natassia
> A search for truth
> I was raised to believe in God from childhood...
*
In the name of Jesus, the Holy Ghost, Mary the mother, Allah the
invisible, and Winnie the Pooh, would you please for Christ's sake stop
posting your stupid religious crap to:
alt.usage.english
Do you know how to remove the name of a newsgroup from your posting
list? If you don't, please find a ten-year old and ask her.
Your imaginary Allah is of interest to you and not to us.
Islam is growing, and so is AIDS. Both should be stopped.
earle
*
"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy,
education and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary.
Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of
punishment and hope of reward after death."
--Albert Einstein
Jitze Couperus
www.mantra.com/jyotish (Dr. Jai Maharaj) wrote:
>English is Tough Stuff
>
>Dearest creature in creation,
>Study English pronunciation.
<snip>
>My advice is to give it up!!!
>
>- Author Unknown
No it isn't - and it is copyrighted.
This poem is titled "The Chaos" and is by G. Nolst Trenit,
a Dutchman who also published under the name "Charivarius".
Jitze
Bob Cunningham
>>English is Tough Stuff
>>- Author Unknown
That information is in an AUE Fast FAQ document. See
http://www.alt-usage-english.org/excerpts/fxenglis.html
.
One source that's referenced there attributes the poem to "Tony
Bladon, a phonetics lecturer in Oxford in the 80's (probably still is
for all I know)".
Donna Richoux
The AUE document "Intro E: Mini-FAQ on Spelling" recommends this site
about the poem and its author:
http://www.les.aston.ac.uk/sss/jss942caos.html
--
Best wishes --- Donna Richoux