Feb 5 Dreams. Kind of funny.
Ian Wilson
I received a phone call from Paul who's the owner of Capal
Advertisements. He wants me to come to his shop and work on some adds for
him. I tell him I will be right down.
I start walking and I notice something is bothering my ear, I stick my
finger in it and pick at some ear-wax. I meet Paul part way to his shop
and he takes me to subway. At subway, they were serving Pizza. I looked
and all they had was Hawaiian and Pepperoni. I order a slice of each and
the cashier gave me a second piece of pepperoni for free.
Paul takes me to his office as I eat the pizza, I sit on a chair and start
to eat the rest of the slices and I notice a cockroach on the ground. I
immediately get of my chair and start to hunt it. The cockroach is huge,
it's 6" long by 2.5" wide and about 1" thick. It looks more like an
armored mouse, it runs under a desk with papers on the floor.
I grab it and notice another large one which I grab. Both were really
slippery and flexible. They nearly squirmed from my grasp and I noticed
that they had a neat design of hairs and a flexible exoskeleton. Admiring
the beauty of the large insects, I then proceeded to crush the head off of
each of them.
The heads made a sickly crunching sound and a white puss like substance
squirted violently from the bug's mouth and eye sockets. Their bodies
quivered for a short time afterwards. I get up and discard them in the
garbage and say, "Godamn those are some big ass fucking cockroaches!"
The dream shifts and I am on some expedition in South America. There is
lots of tropical trees and we are also near the ocean. We stumble across
some ruins of some ancient civilization. The ruins were of an old temple.
I start checking out the hieroglyphics and they portray a story of the
civilization. The story shows of grain harvest, gods, rituals, then it
shows a boat with people, and then portrays a sickness brought by these new
people.
As I study the detailed engravings, the picture of the boat starts to
animate and takes color. I start to see the vision of the artist of this
old rickety galley with a group of armed men. The dream shows the men
being caught in some storm, and the ship crashing on some rocks.
I am a priest and I dive in the water to help rescue some of the strange
men. I am pulling them to shore and we help grab ropes to pull the boat
ashore. I cannot understand what's going on and I wake up.
I Wake up and decide to go back to sleep for the purpose of releasing some
stress. (Under a lot of stress right now)
I start to dream that I am at my house and I am on my computer. I am
working on a book with a friend. We are developing characters for the
book. I start to realize that I am dreaming so I tell him I have a better
Idea. "I know, want to play a game?", I ask.
He's interested so I tell him to make a character. I make a Minataur who
stands 7' 4", huge frame with massive muscular mass. A 6' long battle axe,
with a large three foot fan shaped blade at the end. The blade is ornate
with some decorations, I have gold bracers on my arm, ornate with gems and
mosaics.
The room changes to a country landscape, I am in a party of adventurers.
The sky is bright and beautiful with wild birds adorning the skyline. I
stand up from the campsite we are at and look around at the variety of
foliage and mountain's.
Then I spot a band of goblinoid creatures stalking our camp, hiding behind
some thickets. I immediately alarm my party and we charge the opposing
group. I swing my huge battle axe and cleave one of the goblin creatures
clear in half, there is a loud clinking sound as the blade cleaves into his
armor and renders the goblin in half. Blood and guts spray from the blow
and the creature drops.
The female thief/archer type character mows down a few with her bow.
"Hehe, well done comrades!", I snort, hot breath emanates from my mouth,
and it smells bad. "I know not what would possess such fiends to attack
one's such as us. We look far more menacing then they."
The female character who is played by a guy named Doug Ebner decides to
scout ahead on the road to see if she can spot any more enemies.
I return to the campsite and start to clean the blood off my blade.
In the distance we hear a blood curling scream and I am larger than the
party so I run faster. As I get to the scene the female character body is
splattered in a bloody streak about 8 feet long. Pieces of her armor are
scattered about. Here weapon lying on the dusty ground. What ever
attacked her was huge and I was not sure I wanted to find out.
As the rest of my group approached this large black shadow moved over us,
I immediately recognized the shape. It was a huge red dragon, I look up
and see that it has a leather riding saddle on it, I can see the harness
straps on the underneath of it's belly.
The rider is some chaos warrior wearing black plate male, ornate with huge
black horns protruding from his head. His face is black from the darkness
of his mask, but I can see the white of his teeth and his glowing red eyes.
Seeing us, it began to turn around.
Being kind of a veteran at these games, I did the only logical thingů run,
and run as fast as I can to the near by village. Top speed I flee from the
rest of the group in a very professional, self-preservation way, I see a
huge massive army of humans coming over the hill, the tips of pole arms and
battle axes with large flags adorn the top of the hill, then I see horses
and armed men with bows.
They stop me and tell me that they are hunting the dragon and I walk with
this the captain of the army, some knight who's armor is a beautiful ornate
silver and gold suite, with detailed patterns of magical and religious
symbols. His face was covered with a thin light brown beard, his face
scared and serious looking. His voice commanding. "Hold there, A dragon
attacked our village, and by the looks of you, you seem to be running from
it."
"The dragon slew one of my companions and the rest are behind me running
towards the village as well. The dragon is in hot pursuit!"
Suddenly there are a few shots fired at the dragon from the bowmen, the
arrows hit and penetrate the chest of the beast. It is not enough to kill
it, but the arrows sent the dragon away. The dragon let's out a blood
curdling scream and gas and smoke flare from it's mouth.
We travel along the road following the dragon who is far from us, and in
the horizon. We happen on my dead companion and the knight dismounts to
look at the carnage. "I am not sure if a healer can bring her back to
life, but gather as much of her as you can and take her to the village."
I let the other party members handle that gruesome task. Sure I was a kick
ass 7' 4" minataur but I don't like cleaning up those kind of messes. My
other companions gather her gear and we head to the village.
At the village, a mystic healer at a temple takes a look at the body. He
does some sort of incantation and nothing happens, he speaks in a somber
voice, "The god's have claimed your friend, they refuse to let her go.
Nothing can be done to raise her. To flame, we must send the rest of her
to Valhalla."
"What! What the fuck? You mean with all the magical powers you have, you
can't perform a simple resurrection spell you dumb ass bitch? I mean what
the hell is your problem? What kind of priest are you? You suck! This
whole village sucks! You guy's are so totally pathetic!", I yell.
The priest seeing my huge size and girth cowers back in fear. Everyone,
even my companions are stunned by my expression. The knight's mouth is
hanging from his jaw in a look of utter horror and shock.
"Damn, sometimes when I dreamů it's just too damn perfect!", I speak as I
leave the character and return to the room where we began to create the
game.
That was enough of that style of fantasy, satisfied that I can create that
as I have thousands of times in the past, I decide to work on the epic
space game that I am developing.
To test it, I create myself a female rouge fighter on a large space bound
vessel. It's another campaign much like GURPS. My character is a half-elf
that looks hot with nice red hair, slim frame, 5' 6". And the voice was
the whole reason I created her, it's soft, cute and whiney tones
accompanied by the rough rogue attitude made her an attractive and fun
character to be.
We start docked at a large space station and rumors are that in this area
there are a lot of rogue bandits targeting freighters and convoy ships.
There is a hefty bounty in this region for bounty hunters to take out these
bandits. There is very little law and order in this section of the galaxy
which makes it a prime area for adventurers and the like.
We leave the space station and start to head towards a lifeless planet.
"Cyania, sensors are picking up some unknown vessels which ships aren't
responding to the USIC. (Universal Ship Identification Code).", speaks my
ship's captain, a brutish, fat, ugly man with a black patch over one eye, a
large blaster pistol at his side, and black leather clothing.
"I'm on it, those bandits won't stand a chance when I get a piece of
em'!", I remark. My radar picks up two red dots on the console. I try to
figure out the controls, I have a fighter stick with a few firing buttons.
The ship auto-targets the ships for me. I take out ship into combat range
and open fire on one of the ships with these guns. They aren't laser guns
or anything special, just standard auto-cannons. The hot metal looks red
on the ship's radar and streams in to the other ship. The hits cause red
sparks and flashes to spark up on the visual screen showing the hits. It
looks very real.
The bandit's kind of had the edge on us this time because they opened fire
with energy weapons and missiles. Before I could react, it was too late, I
should not have charged them rather taken them out with missiles. Our ship
is badly hit, the captain screams, "You dumb bitch! Where the hell did you
learn to fly? You're getting us all killed!"
"Shut up you fat as looser! This is my shipů", is about all I get to bad
mouth back before we explode. Instantly I reload the game right before the
battle and decide another tactic. This time, I target the bandits with our
image guided missiles. Plus I know that there is a third ship now that
took us out from behind so the initial challenge level had dropped.
The first missile is a direct hit and it blows the bandit ship into
pieces. The explosion is more like an implosion, the fireball is within a
second and the debris hits the other ship. "Your not going to get off that
easy! I have another missile with your name on it!", I say as I target the
next ship and launch the missile.
The missile streaks towards the craft and it explodes. I hit the
thrusters and do a quick 180 degree turn to ready my ship for the next
bandit. The turn was pretty quick and my captain who was not strapped to
his chair like an idiot goes flying out and lands against the side of the
bridge.
My computer auto-locks the bandit, but we are hit by one of his missiles
and the ship is taking some damage from his laser fire. We have no shields
so it's all direct damage to the armor. "It's getting a little hot in
here, how about I cool it down with some old fashion one-on-one!"
Streaks of red cannon fire hit the attacking bandit who is turning around
to flee the battle. I am in hot pursuit and he is moving side to side, up
and down, and around small asteroids to dodge me. My cannon fire is
hitting his engines and slowly a few of them go out. The ship is obviously
crippled and now rolling in space, I fly our huge ship over top of it and
finish him off with a missile.
"Here's one for your momma!", and I open fire!
My captain is kind of pissed off at the whole wild maneuvers I was doing,
but screw him, I'm a bad ass rogue bitch and proud of it. I leave my post
and tell him that I an grabbing some food. I head down the hall of the
ship into an elevator and move down a few levels to a bar style room.
There is a few alien creatures there, for obvious entertainment purposes.
They are called Ugroms, and they look kind of like a cartoon owl with out a
beak, rather a more monkey shaped mouth, but definitely large cartoon eyes
and brown and white fur. They are terribly cute and adorable. I want to
blast one of them with my pistol.
"Don't drink my pop! It's the only one in the fridge!", complains one of
the Ugroms.
"I'll drink what ever I want you dirty little mogwi looking puke!", I grab
his pop and shake it. I then open it in his face spraying the pop all over
him. He cries and runs from the room.
"That'll learn you, you sniveling little sod!", I growl in a very funny
sounding half-elfish female voice.
I kick back at the bar, throw my feet up and drink the pop. A few moments
later a female character enters the room. "Cyania, one of the Ugroms said
you were bullying It around."
"What, that lying little pig! Where is he? Let me stick my blaster up
his ass! Then talk to me about bullying!", I complain with a dark evil
stare at this other character. I get the impression she is the ship's
councilor.
"You really seem to have some rather hot headed issues now don't you
Cyana.", she says in a cold tone.
I stand up from the bar, I am smaller than her, by about a half-a- foot.
I walk around her and check out her body, "Well, at least I am not a
over-weight cow that has no sense of fashion, and thinks she's high and
mighty when it comes to the other crew members. I'm out of here you dumb
bitch!", I scorn as I pull out my pistol and go looking for that Ugrom.
"I am going to go have a chat with my little friend!", I smile as I bounce
out of the room.
I wake up.