When I Came Out!

[Kenny]

Coming out of the closet can be a hard thing to do today. It was a monumental achievement when I did it, as I came out when I was 18-years-old. In fact, it was on my 18th birthday on October 31st, 1972 when I told my parents. I had actually come out three times before that, once to my first boyfriend's parents after his mother caught us making out, then to two cousins I was close to who caught me kissing my second boyfriend one evening, and a third time to my second boyfriend's parents. Then came my parents!

The first time I came out happened over the Christmas holidays, 1969. My first boyfriend and I were caught by his mother as we were making out in his bedroom. Had she caught us a few hours before, she would have caught us having sexual intercourse together. The thing was, we were both 15-years-old, and were about 18-months into our relationship when we finally got caught. This left both of us with no choice. "Terry" decided it was time for him to "reveal" himself to his parents. I was with him when we stood in the living room of his house with his parents sitting on the couch, and his older sister sitting on a chair. Terry looked at his parents, took my hand and said, "Mom! Dad! I guess I should tell you, I'm Queer! I'm a Homosexual! I love other boys! And Kenny is my lover!" All I said was, "I'm Queer too! And I love Terry very much!" For some reason, as I stood there, holding my beloved boyfriend's hand, and hearing him announce to his parents that he was Gay, I suddenly had a vision! This might sound weird, but, if you knew me, you would know it isn't! As I heard Terry say the words, 'I'm Queer', I suddenly felt like I was being pushed against the bascule of a guillotine, and I was about to be executed. By Terry's sister! As it turned out, Terry's parents were unusually understanding. Actually, his mother admitted that she knew about us. Did it bother her? Sure it did! Did it bother his father? Yes! But, both said they were OK with their son's sexuality! One thing I was glad, is that they, Terry's parents, didn't say anything to my parents.

While they were OK, and Terry and I carried on with our relationship. For the most part, it made his life, as well as mine, easier. While we had to use discretion in our behaviour, at least we could let ourselves go at his house. To a point! We obviously couldn't spend every free moment in his bed doing each other. There was another issue too. During our first year in high school, we met two other Gay boys, "Andrew" and "Nathan". In our second year, another Gay boy joined us, a boy named "Randy". The five of us hung together and supported each other. Remember, this was the late 1960s, and in Canada, Homosexuality had just been removed from the Canadian Criminal Code, and had also been taken off the list as a mental illness. Mental illness? How can extreme pleasure be a mental illness. And the rights movement and uphill battle was just beginning. Still, a Gay kid was not accepted, so we had to be extremely discreet at school. When Terry came out to his parents, it encouraged both Andrew and Nathan to do the same. Both told their parents. Randy held off, as I found myself doing the same. There were some other things going on with us too. While Terry and I were kind of exclusive, we did drift and would do things with the other three, though it would be rare when we did. It also set the stage for me, as later in life, I would always have more than one lover. At times I would engage in sexual intercourse with three or four other guys during the same period. (I currently regularly engage in sexual intercourse with four other guys, including two who are nearly 40-years my junior. More on that another time, I promise!) Six months after our big reveal to Terry's parents, tragedy struck. On July 1st, 1970, on Terry's 16th birthday, Terry "was involved in a very bizarre accident". I say it that way, as for months after Terry died, that was the only way I could accept his death. Finally, I had to admit the truth, Terry committed suicide. Terry suffered a serious fracture at the c2 cervical vertebrae in his neck, and his spinal cord was sheared. In other word, Terry's neck was broken. The medical examiner said that, when his neck snapped, he likely died within a couple of seconds. I hoped he did! I was devastated! I was hurt! Three days later, a few hours after Terry's funeral, (Personal admission!) I tried to commit suicide! I must have left hints or something because I was found before it was too late, and as it happened, I didn't have to be hospitalized. Too, because of when I was found and who I was found by, my parents never knew! At least, I don't think they knew. It was amazing how I was able to cover up some very serious bruises on my neck! Who found me? Andrew, Nathan, and Randy.

That summer, the summer of 1970, those three got me through my loss. As much as I loved Terry when he was alive, Randy and I began hooking up more seriously. The last two years of high school were hard socially, especially for me. Did I make through unscathed? No I did not! Neither did Nathan, nor Andrew. In fact, Nathan didn't make it to the end of the school year in 1971, and Andrew didn't make it back to our final year in September of 1971. (Long story for both!) The one point about the final year is that both Randy and I made it to the end of high school, though barely, and I think this was out of revenge for how the other kids in school treated us, we both pulled off marks that put us all in the top 5-percent of the grade. High school graduation could not have come soon enough. And no, we didn't go to our graduation dance. We had our own party. This lead to my second "reveal". The night when all our classmates were at some fancy hall, Randy and I had been to one of the first malls in our area. That evening, I don't know what made Randy and I do what we did, but, we were sitting on a bench off to the side. We thought nobody would see us, and we kissed each other. Almost right out in the open! Well, it was more open than we realised. Someone did see us! All of a sudden, I heard someone say, "Hello!" When I looked, standing there were me two cousins, Andrea and Kimberly. Andrea was a year older and Kimberly, her sister was 18-months older than Andrea. They were also the two cousins I was closest to, and still am close to. Now what was I going to do? My two closest cousins just caught me kissing Randy the way a boy would kiss a girl, not another boy. The one thing was, they both had met Randy before. They had also known Terry, and had met Andrew and Nathan too. Now, I was stuck! Suddenly too, I began having a vision, the same vision I had the day I held Terry's hand as he broke the news to his parents that he was Gay. I felt like I was strapped to a guillotine and was being executed. And Kimberly was releasing the blade! I had no choice. So, right there in that mall, I revealed myself. I came out to them. "Yes!", I said, "I'm Queer!" Their response? They both said, "We kind of guessed that!" Andrea told me that when she was at my house and I was with Terry before and Randy lately, she got the idea that I was Gay. They both were very nonchalant about me coming out. They both were in university, and both knew more than one Gay guy, and more than one Gay woman. So my "news" was no big deal to them. AND! They didn't tell my parents, at least, not then! Not until...

After being caught in a very explicit situation by my cousins, it was time to think about coming out to the most important people in our lives, our parents. Randy turned 18-years-old on August 1st, 1972. That day, with his parents, his two older sisters, one sister was 21, while his other sister was 24 and already married, Randy summoned up the courage. We were all sitting in the living room of his parent's house, and had finished super. We even had birthday cake. That was when Randy did it. he stood up, and I stood with him. He said, "Mom! Dad! Tracy (his youngest sister)! Nancy (his oldest sister)! I have something I want to tell you!" He was understandably hesitant. Then he did it! "You know Kenny and I are best friends. Well, it's a lot more than that! Kenny's my boyfriend!" All his one sister said was that they knew I was his best friend. then randy went on, "No! It's way more than that! Kenny and I are...", then he took a deep breath, "Kenny and I are lovers!" That got several "What!s" Then he really did it. "Kenny and I have sex together!" There was silence. Then he added more, "I'm Queer! I'm a Homosexual And Kenny's my lover!" Happy birthday! Then there was a very long silence. Remember the two times I had a vision that I was strapped to a guillotine and about to be executed? As we stood there, we both had that vision! Finally, his one sister broke the silence, "Well, you finally admitted it!" They had all pretty much known about us because of how we were acting whenever we were together, and had guessed that Randy was Gay. Did they accept his sexuality? Not that night. But, a day or so later, his parents sat him down and talked to him. They were actually OK with his sexuality, and they were OK with me. From then on, as far as they were concerned, I became their second son!

Now it was my turn!

By then, I had been hiding my sexuality from my parents for more than four years. Remember too, this was 1972, when Gay people were just beginning their uphill battle for recognition. Plus, it was only four years after Canada had decriminalized Homosexuality, and finally taken it off the list of mental illnesses. I had already been in one same-sex relationship with Terry since the end of June, 1968 when I was 13-years-old, four months before my 14th birthday The day I embraced being Gay, as in the day I had my first same-sex encounter, was my boyfriend's 14th birthday. Then, after he committed suicide two years later, I entered into another same-sex relationship with Randy, who was three months older than I was. Some people already knew I was gay, Terry's parents, my two cousins, and Randy's family.

Then came October 31st, 1972, Hallowe'en, my 18th birthday.

I finally decided it was time to "reveal myself" and come out to my parents. As it was my birthday, my two cousins, Andrea and Kimberly, as well as Randy of course, were there. I had actually asked Andrea and Kimberly to be there. It took everything I had for me to stand there and say to them, "Mom! Dad! I have something very important to tell you!", then I did it! I said it, right out loud, "I'm Queer! And Randy is not just my boyfriend, he's my lover!" Remember that guillotine vision I had when I was with Terry when he came out, and again when I came out to my cousins, and again when Randy came out? This time, my mother executed me! To say my mother wasn't thrilled was the understatement of the year. After all, I was her only son. In fact, I was their only child! She never accepted that I was Gay. She only tolerated my sexuality because I was, after all, her only son. My father on the other hand could not have cared less! His reaction when I confessed my sexuality? "So?"

There were serious repercussions to coming out that day. A year later, mother made me change my last name. I agreed to it. It's a long story as to why I chose the name I did.

My mother finally did accept me and more she accepted that I was Gay. When? Just a few days before she passed away in January, 2002.

There was one other "event" that happened later that evening. Randy and I went to this one area in our city. Our city is on two levels, with half the city a few hundred-feet above the other half. It was maybe 10:00 that night. The city lights were bright, and it was kind of on the side. It didn't stop us from doing what we did. As we stood side-by-side, looking out over the city, we held hands. Then, I yelled out, "My name is Kenny!" Then Randy yelled out, "My name is Randy!" Then, in unison, we both yelled out, "We're Queer, we're proud of it, and we're in love!" Then, we embraced and gave each other a very passionate kiss!

I have talked to a lot of young Gay guys who ask about coming out and telling the world they're Gay. I always say, "Just do it!" The hardest ones to come out to are parents though. I've talked to guys who sat down with just their parents and made "the big announcement", and some who actually had parties with their parents, relatives and friends there when they told the world they were Gay.

Whatever way they choose, all I say is, just do it!