Last words
Esargoroth
I've been looking for fellow Discordians for years now. When I find them, I
hit them with a big stick and laugh at them for being found. But now I have
two questions, and you just HAVE to answer them. Don't complain, it just makes
you look petty:
To the nearest fifth of a person, how many people's last words were "SHIT!" ?
And who is/was/wasn't Tim Sutter?
__
Curious in Limbo
jonas.bösch <-jb->
Esargoroth schrieb:
>
> alt.discordia, eh? <-------intelligent question.
> I've been looking for fellow Discordians for years now. When I find them, I
> hit them with a big stick and laugh at them for being found. But now I have
> two questions, and you just HAVE to answer them.
NO!
=)
-jb-
the one!
rev. mayberry
Esargoroth wrote in message
<19990707040650...@ng-fr1.aol.com>...
>alt.discordia, eh? <-------intelligent question.
>I've been looking for fellow Discordians for years now. When I find them,
I
>hit them with a big stick and laugh at them for being found. But now I
have
makes
>you look petty:
>
> To the nearest fifth of a person, how many people's last words were
"SHIT!" ?
>
> And who is/was/wasn't Tim Sutter?
>
1)Whiskey and speed.
2)Tim Sutter was a Christian troll who talked in circular arguments and
wasn't a very good Troll either.
Now put that damn stick away.
I remain,
Dr. Rev. Mayberry,
Squirrel Prophet,
Holder of a Doctorate in Chaos Metaphysics,
& Hierophant to Fools
"Such a well adjusted young man. He plays so well with others."
Send any complaints about my antics to: tsu...@geocities.com
"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man."
Madog Velkor
chorttled merrily:
>
>Esargoroth wrote in message
><19990707040650...@ng-fr1.aol.com>...
>>alt.discordia, eh? <-------intelligent question.
>>I've been looking for fellow Discordians for years now. When I find them,
>I
>>hit them with a big stick and laugh at them for being found. But now I
>have
>>two questions, and you just HAVE to answer them. Don't complain, it just
>makes
>>you look petty:
>>
>> To the nearest fifth of a person, how many people's last words were
>"SHIT!" ?
>>
>> And who is/was/wasn't Tim Sutter?
>>
>
>
>1)Whiskey and speed.
>
>2)Tim Sutter was a Christian troll who talked in circular arguments and
>wasn't a very good Troll either.
>
He was a *special* Christian though. He created his own unique
theology. If anyone else had agreed with it he woudl have made a dandy
cult leader.
-><-
Madog, Keeper of Bobo the Chimp
Lord of Petty Annoyances
Space Lord,
Ambrose Bierce Mexican Travel Agency Cabal
http://members.xoom.com/ABMTAC
http://www.eriswerks.org
-><-
I am the heir of Sutter. Through me his will shall be done.
-><-
rev. mayberry
Madog Velkor wrote in message <37834b43...@news.giganews.com>...
>>1)Whiskey and speed.
>>
>>2)Tim Sutter was a Christian troll who talked in circular arguments and
>>wasn't a very good Troll either.
>>
>
>He was a *special* Christian though. He created his own unique
>theology. If anyone else had agreed with it he woudl have made a dandy
>cult leader.
>
Don't you have to be charismatic to be a cult leader?
I remain,
Befuddled,
Xiphias Gladius
>>He was a *special* Christian though. He created his own unique
>>theology. If anyone else had agreed with it he woudl have made a dandy
>>cult leader.
> Don't you have to be charismatic to be a cult leader?
No; only to be a *sucessful* cult leader. Heck, *I*'m a cult leader, just
nobody follows me. *Shrug*.
Why not try starting your own cult?
- Ian
--
Marriage, n: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master,
a mistress, and two slaves, making, in all, two. -- Ambrose Bierce
http://www.ccs.neu.edu/home/ian
SSBB Diplomatic Corps; Boston, Massachusetts
rev. mayberry
Xiphias Gladius wrote in message <7m034p$hvd$5...@hiram.io.com>...
>rev. mayberry <mayb...@mt.net> wrote:
>>>He was a *special* Christian though. He created his own unique
>>>theology. If anyone else had agreed with it he woudl have made a dandy
>>>cult leader.
>
>> Don't you have to be charismatic to be a cult leader?
>
>No; only to be a *sucessful* cult leader. Heck, *I*'m a cult leader, just
>nobody follows me. *Shrug*.
>
>Why not try starting your own cult?
>
I do have my own cult... all the squirrels in North America. Unfortunately,
they only tithe acorns and walnuts. And being a Cult Leader of Squirrels
entitles more of an animal empathy than charisma. No, I meant like a Hare
Krishna cult. After all it'd take a damn smooth talker to shave my head and
wander around airports in a sheet assaulting passersby (or a fifth of
bourbon).
Xiphias Gladius
> Xiphias Gladius wrote in message <7m034p$hvd$5...@hiram.io.com>...
>>Why not try starting your own cult?
> I do have my own cult... all the squirrels in North America.
So YOU'RE the one! Listen -- you owe me and my friends an explanation.
Do you remember, about three years ago, in a small town in Indiana, jsut
before the Fybushes' wedding? Do you?
If *you* are the cult leader of squirrels, then YOU'RE the one who ordered
that squirrel to jump into the power transformer completely cutting off
all water in the town!
Why did you do that? What do you have against the Fybushes that you'd
want to make them have a wedding without running water?
And what's the deal with the squirrels at Yale? You know, the really
scary ones? And the ones at Reed in Oregon -- the squirrels who gang up
on pidgeons and beat them up? Oh -- and that squirrel I saw at MIT who
was running up and down the bike rack trying to pick the locks -- how the
hell did a squirrel learn to pick locks, and WHERE DID HE GET THE
LOCKPICKS?
rev. mayberry
>So YOU'RE the one! Listen -- you owe me and my friends an explanation.
>Do you remember, about three years ago, in a small town in Indiana, jsut
>before the Fybushes' wedding? Do you?
>
>If *you* are the cult leader of squirrels, then YOU'RE the one who ordered
>that squirrel to jump into the power transformer completely cutting off
>all water in the town!
>
>Why did you do that? What do you have against the Fybushes that you'd
>want to make them have a wedding without running water?
>
That squirrel had been "deprogrammed" from my cult by concerned citizens...
Unfortunately it's in the genetic code of squirrels to follow the Squirrel
Prophet with religous zeal. He was thus driven suicidal... the Fybushes lack
of water at their wedding was a result of tampering with nature.
>And what's the deal with the squirrels at Yale? You know, the really
>scary ones?
I send the nastiest squirrels to Yale because I've heard it's a breeding
ground for lawyers. I don't like lawyers. Often, I have them slip into
pre-law student rooms after late night drinking bouts and turn their alarm
clocks off before big exams- thus sparing the world of more lawyers.
> And the ones at Reed in Oregon -- the squirrels who gang up
>on pidgeons and beat them up?
You've stumbled across my squirrel commando training ground... you should
see them fire their little S.A.W.s and other assault weapons, very cute if
you find small furry animals with firearms cute. I do.
>Oh -- and that squirrel I saw at MIT who
>was running up and down the bike rack trying to pick the locks -- how the
>hell did a squirrel learn to pick locks, and WHERE DID HE GET THE
>LOCKPICKS?
She was just honing her skills in case I sent her to Yale (although I never
would- she's far too unmenacing for that assignment). She bought the
lockpicks from an elderly badger referred too as "Guido" by the local
deviant fauna.
Just trying to get to your cereal? That's what we want you to think.
Bwahahahah!
I remain,
St. Dave
>
>> Xiphias Gladius wrote in message <7m034p$hvd$5...@hiram.io.com>...
>
>>>Why not try starting your own cult?
>
>> I do have my own cult... all the squirrels in North America.
>
>Do you remember, about three years ago, in a small town in Indiana, jsut
>before the Fybushes' wedding? Do you?
>
>If *you* are the cult leader of squirrels, then YOU'RE the one who ordered
>that squirrel to jump into the power transformer completely cutting off
>all water in the town!
>
>Why did you do that? What do you have against the Fybushes that you'd
>want to make them have a wedding without running water?
>
>on pidgeons and beat them up? Oh -- and that squirrel I saw at MIT who
>was running up and down the bike rack trying to pick the locks -- how the
>hell did a squirrel learn to pick locks, and WHERE DID HE GET THE
>LOCKPICKS?
>
>
Not only that, Ian, but he has personally vexed the Cabal of the Red
Herring with a live-in chipmunk.
My cat, Bear, normally kills all fauna in a three-block radius but
somehow Rev. mayberry has programmed my cat to "nurse"
chipmunks...apparently he thinks they're just fast-moving kittens...
The Cabal of the Red Herring has a holy icon, a mummified squirrel, but I
must repeat, the squirrel was found dead.
Bear hasn't killed a squirrel in weeks, too.
Don't mess with the Lord of the Squirrels.
He'll horde yr nuts.
St. Dave of the Perpetual Rotary Engine, KSC, S.O.B.
Felix D Cat
> wander around airports in a sheet assaulting passersby (or a
> fifth of bourbon).
Last time I assaulted a fifth of bourbon in an airport, they
wouldn't let me on the plane - even after I removed my sheet. Hmm.
Come to think of it, I removed the sheet first. Halfway through the
fifth. I think.
Felinus Felixus - not your ordinary cat!
=====================================================
If at first you don't succeed, give up and go back to
bed. There's no point in making an ass of yourself.
=====================================================
zog...@home.com
>
> alt.discordia, eh? <-------intelligent question.
> I've been looking for fellow Discordians for years now. When I find them, I
> hit them with a big stick and laugh at them for being found. But now I have
> two questions, and you just HAVE to answer them. Don't complain, it just makes
> you look petty:
>
> To the nearest fifth of a person, how many people's last words were "SHIT!" ?
>
> And who is/was/wasn't Tim Sutter?
>
No I'm sorry. You're clearly mistaken. This is alt.discordia.B try
again.
Zog the etc...
zog...@home.com
>
> rev. mayberry <mayb...@mt.net> wrote:
> >>He was a *special* Christian though. He created his own unique
> >>theology. If anyone else had agreed with it he woudl have made a dandy
> >>cult leader.
>
> > Don't you have to be charismatic to be a cult leader?
>
> No; only to be a *sucessful* cult leader. Heck, *I*'m a cult leader, just
> nobody follows me. *Shrug*.
>
>
>
Better to have others start a cult in your name. Much easier that way.
(and yes, it has happend)
Zog the etc...
Xiphias Gladius
> You've stumbled across my squirrel commando training ground... you should
> see them fire their little S.A.W.s and other assault weapons, very cute if
> you find small furry animals with firearms cute. I do.
Who doesn't? You should see our cat with her Ladysmith .38 -- she's
*adorable*.
> Just trying to get to your cereal? That's what we want you to think.
I do wish to thank you for the noble and brave sacrifice which one of your
followers made to save my life and the lives of everyone at Brandeis
university, by the way.
You must remember this story; I hope that that brave tree-rodent has his
story told over and over; he must never be forgotten.
It was a spring day at Brandeis university a few years ago. But none of
the humans knew that there was a great danger festering underground. One
squirrel knew. And knew that he must take drastic action.
A leak had sprung in an underground natural gas tank, and it was slowly
seeping into the area around the main power substation at Brandeis
University. This little fellow knew he had to find some way of alerting
the humans to the danger. What could he do?
He nobly sacrificed himself -- he used his furry little body to short out
two wires on the high-tension transmission wires, catching himself on
fire. Then he plummeted twenty feet to the gas leak where is flaming
carcas lit the escaping gas on fire, leaving a five-foot tall, four-foot
diameter ring of blue flame, looking like "God's own gas range." After
firefighters put out the blaze, they entered into the substation, and
found gas fumes so heavy they couldn't breathe. One spark would have
caused a fireball that would blown up most of the campus.
That squirrel saved Brandeis University.
rev. mayberry
--Xiphias Gladius wrote in message <7m18gk$a3e$1...@hiram.io.com>...
Actually, there was a very large squirrel population in the area and that
squirrel chose to sacrifice it's life in the interest of it's friends and
family. She has gone on to become a legend of self-sacrifice and has three
paragraphs in the Sacred Rolls of Bushy Tailed Heroism. Thank you for
remembering her valor in the human world.
St. Alicia Erisdaughter
>I've been looking for fellow Discordians for years now. When I find them,
I
>hit them with a big stick and laugh at them for being found. But now I
have
>two questions, and you just HAVE to answer them. Don't complain, it just
makes
>you look petty:
>
> To the nearest fifth of a person, how many people's last words were
"SHIT!" ?
>
> And who is/was/wasn't Tim Sutter?
>
>__
fuck you I'm not talking..and you hit me with that stick again I'll kill
you!!!!!! Smile sweetly...
Gets out her ceremonial Daggars...Screw it...why bring a knife to a gun
fight...Pulls out her 9MM.
Get back Honky cat...get back to the woods..
With your redneck ways...!
The change is gonna do ya good!
St. Alicia Erisdaughter in Bondage