Presented to my fellow Discordians
Matthew Baker
Acts-----------------------------------
---------------------------------------------OR--------------------------------------------
---------------------------T
H E---A B D I C A T I O N---O F---A N E R I S-----------------
----------------------------------------PRESENTED---BY-------------------------------------
---------------------------T
H E--- D I S C O R D A N T----P L A Y E R S-------------------
-------------------------------------------ACT
I-------------------------------------------
(QUANDRY, a bespectacled fox, stands at a marble podium on a green hill.)
-----
QUANDRY: A cloud, or half a field?
THE MOB: Eight bushels!
TELEGRAM: Three measures barley, and a paper hat.
(SCANDAL ERUPTS)
----------------------------------------ACT
II---------------------------------------------
(2500 Years later. Two BRITISH GENTLEMEN sit at tea in a polished room.)
BRITISH GENTLEMAN #2: So then, it was a hen?
BRITISH GENTLEMAN #1: No, quite the opposite-- a child!
***THREE SECOND INTERMISSION***
A PROSAIC MESSENGER enters.
PROSAIC MESSENGER: Trees and sour olives at Marathon!
(The two BRITISH GENTLEMEN sit, mouths agape, in stark shock.)
^^Scene darkens^^
---------------------------------------ACT
III--------------------------------------------
***MUSICAL INTERLUDE--PIANO CONCERTO***
(Enter IMPORTANT ASTRONOMICAL BODY #1.)
IMPORTANT ASTRONOMICAL BODY #1: Egads! Inevitability!
(Enter IMPORTANT ASTRONOMICAL BODY #2.)
IMPORTANT ASTRONOMICAL BODY #2: Fear not! Tis' only sentience that doth
scorn the sunrise!
(Enter TERRIER. TERRIER scrutinizes the scene, and, uninterested, exits.)
IMPORTANT ASTRONOMICAL BODY #2: Pretentious hound! By rude hypocrisy he
lays bare his tumultuous id! I scorn this base being.
(IMPORTANT ASTRONOMICAL BODY #1 implodes.)
IMPORTANT ASTRONOMICAL BODY #2: Oh.
^^Lights dim, curtain falls. End act III^^