ADMIN: FAQ Supplement 2a *** Moxie

1 view
Skip to first unread message

Eugene Moxie Man Pomerleau

unread,
Mar 11, 2003, 7:52:56 AM3/11/03
to
Archive-name: appendix-2a
Last-modified: 2002/01/07

Changes since last modification: Clean-up, rearrangement, and add a
few new links.

***** ALT.DEVILBUNNIES FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS *****
Supplimental FAQ Part 2a Moxie (tm)

Written on Sep 15, 1994. Updated on 19 Jan and 30 Jul, 1997, 15 Mar,
1999, 1 Jan and 18 Jan, 2000 and 7 Jan, 2001.

Compiled and written by Scott Bernier (see mailing list FAQ for email
address)

Special thanks to Kylinn for proofreading in 2002.

*****Moxie (tm) the UNCUTE softdrink*****

Q. What in the name of El'mar/Frith is Moxie (tm)?
A. Moxie is a unique soft drink that can be easily found throughout
New England region of the United States, upper New York State and
Eastern Pennsylvania. The nation's (and possibly the world's) oldest
soft drink. It was patented in 1884 by Dr. Augustin Thompson, a
Mainah who set up medical practice in Lowell, MA. Some rumors say
that he really invented the stuff as early as 1876, but did not start
carbonating it (and patent it) until 1884. At one time, it was the
number one soft drink in the USA. Moxie has its own entry in the
Webster's Dictionary. See the bottom of this FAQ for more information
on the real life, non-alt.devilbunnies history of this soft drink.


Q. What is the role of Moxie (tm) in the devilbunny war?
A. Moxie burns devilbunnies like acid just like blessed urine (BU) or
blessed holy vanilla extract (BHV). Unlike these other liquid weapons,
however, Moxie doesn't need to be blessed to work.


Q. What's the best way to use Moxie as a anti-devilbunny weapon?
A. There are many ways. Due to its high carbonation, cans of Moxie
make excellent anti-bun grenades. Just shake and toss: the can will
rupture upon impact and send aluminum shrapnel and Moxie spraying in a
3 to 6 foot diameter area. Moxie is excellent in a supersoaker,
doubling the normal firing range of this Fudd weapon due to its high
carbonation. No need to pump your supersoaker when filled with Moxie,
it pressurizes itself!


Q. Is there anyway for a devilbunny to protect itself from this
liquid weapon?
A. Bunnyarmor will protect the wearer from Moxie as it does for other
liquid weapons. However, the wearer must take good care of its armor
for if there are any cracks or openings, the Moxie (like any other
liquid weapon) can seep through and do damage. The shrapnel mentioned
above has been known on the rare occasion to pierce bunnyarmor. Be
forewarned!


Q. Whoa! Sounds like nasty stuff. What does Moxie taste like?
A. Can't be described. It is a type of root beer, deriving its
flavor from gentian root (and 17 other ingredients). It is not
oversweetened like most soft drinks on the market. Some call it
rocket fuel and others describe it as carbonated Ben Gay (tm).
Overall, it has quite the attitude; though that only kicks in upon
hitting the back of the throat. Picture the worst alcoholic drink you
have had, remove the alcohol and keep the terrible taste.


Q. How were the anti-devilbunny properties of Moxie discovered?
A. In August 1994, Texas Tech graduate student, Eugene Pomerleau
stepped outside his office for a Moxie break after posting taunting
messages on the alt.devilbunnies newsgroup, thinking it was just a
game. He learned his mistake the hard way when six devilbunnies
attempted to ambush him. In his startlement, he dropped the can of
Moxie. It exploded, spraying the buns. The rest is history.


Q. Is there a cure for Moxie?
A. Yes, but we're not telling the buns. If the stuff gets abused,
this neutralizing agent may (or may not) be revealed to prevent
accusations of an Omega Treaty violation. [See the alt.devilbunnies
FAQ Part 3: The Ground Rules for Posting, Rule #1]


Q. What's this rumor about a "bunny-safe" version of Moxie?
A. Some bottlers of Moxie seem to be equal opportunity profiteers.
As a result, a "bunny-safe" version of Moxie has recently appeared on
store shelves. This version of Moxie is usually labeled Diet Moxie
(tm) and is the only version available at the unofficial
alt.devilbunnies IRC sessions. Why any devilbunny would even want to
sample this stuff is beyond my understanding.


Q. Where can I obtain some Moxie?
A. It is readily available throughout New England, portions of New
York and Eastern Pennsylvania at most stores. There are also several
outlets on the west coast, especially in Washington State, that sell
Moxie as an ‘alternative beverage'. It can also be found sporadically
here and there throughout the rest of the country at specialty
beverage stores for a premium price (sometimes as high as $2.00 a 12
once bottle!). Moxie's parent company, Monarch Beverages, INC. is
located in Atlanta but there are no confirmed reports of Moxie in the
Atlanta area. For a full list of dealers/distributors, go to:
http://www.moxie.info


Q. What if I don't live near any of those areas?
A. You can write to the bottlers and order direct. Many of those on
the website above are willing to ship anywhere in the country. Be
forewarned that BPS (Bunny Postal Service - formally UPS) stiffs its
customers in shipping costs and considers Moxie a biohazard and may
refuse to deliver it altogether.


Q. What's this rumor I heard about a Moxie and Snapple mix-up?
A. 'Sad' but true. The bottlers of Moxie in Northern New England
also bottle Snapple (tm) . In September 1994, a batch of Moxie
accidentally wound-up in Snapple Ice Tea bottles. Due to aid
agreements with other bottlers to help handle high demand for Snapple,
this camouflaged Moxie was shipped all over the world and resulted in
a world-wide recall of Snapple Ice Tea. [Go to the alt.devilbunnies
archives and perform a search in October, 1994 using "URGENT IMMEDIATE
FACTORY RECALL!!!!!" for the subject with "OR" for the link between
title and author, and "m8...@ttacs.ttu.edu" for the author.] It is
unknown how many buns perished in the incident.


Q. What if I mix Moxie and something else?
A. DON'T. You never know what may happen. It is safe to mix Moxie
with Snapple, the former neutralizes the later. But never - and we
mean NEVER mix Moxie and Spam. The results can be unpredictable, as
the Lowaski Brothers will confirm and/or deny. [See the archives for
October 1-10, 1994, using "The Lowaski's cook-up some trouble" as the
Subject with "OR" as the link between title and author, and
"cli...@db.erau.edu" for the author. The last segment was written by
General LonGears on 11 October 1994 and was titled: "The Lowaski's
fail to clean up (FINIS)"]


Q. What's this I hear about Moxie and Cutons?
A. It was discovered during the Dunwich Battle of '96 that Moxie
neutralizes the effects of Cuton exposure almost instantly. Just a
little on the face of the victim being affected by a Cuton blast is
all it takes.


Q. Where can I learn more?
A. Well there are those who don't know about the war, who have
put-up a couple of pages on the world wide web explaining the history
of this UNCUTE soft drink. Check-out the following:

The New England Moxie Congress Homepage:
http://www.xensei.com/users/iraseski

Moxieland and Moxie World: http://www.moxieland.com


Remember that they don't know about the war. The few members of their
group who have heard of us think we're just another newsgroup and the
war is just make-believe.

*********************************

Thus ends FAQ 2a--Moxie.
Copyright: 1994-2002 by Scott Bernier.

Permission is granted to reprint this FAQ for PERSONAL USE only.

NOTE: Moxie (tm) is a registered trademark of Monarch, Inc. of
Atlanta, GA. The author/maintainer, an avid Moxie addict, has
intended no infringement on their rights in writing/maintaining this
FAQ.

--
Major Eugene "Moxie Man" Pomerleau, http://home.gwi.net/~moxieman/altdbs.html
Commander, Maine Fudd HQ moxieman (at) Gee Double-U eye dot net
Get the FAQ's! http://www.devilbunnies.org

And alt.dbs resident meteorologist

Reply all
Reply to author
Forward
0 new messages