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a poem for your approval.
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hop
Dec 21, 2012, 11:08:16 PM12/21/12
to
some of us dont matter, we weep as we eat our rice,
we march thru the streets, stinking and covered with lice.
our every hope is smashed, our holidays a joke,
we sleep inside dumpsters, until winter makes us croak.
how long must we endure the days that make us scream,
the anguish of rejection, the suicidal dream?
when will we find the guts to wrap that rope round tight,
kick over that stool, and take glorious, boundless flight?
they'll find us reeking, voided of crap and piss,
our sphincters will loosen with a giant, glorious hiss.
Message has been deleted
philo
Dec 22, 2012, 9:17:50 AM12/22/12
to
On 12/21/2012 11:10 PM, The Big Fat Guy Tribute Band wrote:
> In rec.arts.poems on Fri, 21 Dec 2012 20:08:16 -0800 (PST), hop
> <connie.2erior! You presumably know that, but
> your narrator implies otherwise.
>
> I suggest changing "covered with lice" to "processing traditionally
> with an ironic, knowing covering of lice". Golly, that's perhaps a
> little long-winded, but with a talent like yours, I'm sure you can
> trim it down and make it scan as well as the rest of your lovely poem
> scans.
>
>
> 2. "We sleep inside dumpsters" - I'm sorry, but that's a slur on the
> primitive native people whom your narator admired just a few lines
> earlier. It's a disappointment to see such stereotypes perpetuated in
> what is otherwise an excellent poem.
>
> 3. "Take glorious, boundless flight" - A typical problem with
> inexperienced poets is that you tend to go from one extreme to the
> other. A few lines ago, you were accusing the primitive native people
> of eating their own offspring raw, but now you're suggesting that
> they've discovered the secret of the jet engine.
>
> Or have I misunderstood what you're getting at? Gee, I'm only an
> amateur myself, but I sure do love such paeans of praise to our native
> traditions as you've kindly shared with us today.
>
> Annyhoo, it's certainly been a privilege to read your poetry, Mister
> hop! Keep writing!!!
>
> ~~~~~
> BFG 2
> ~~~~~
>
LOL!
--
https://www.createspace.com/3707686
> In rec.arts.poems on Fri, 21 Dec 2012 20:08:16 -0800 (PST), hop
> <connie.2erior! You presumably know that, but
> your narrator implies otherwise.
>
> I suggest changing "covered with lice" to "processing traditionally
> with an ironic, knowing covering of lice". Golly, that's perhaps a
> little long-winded, but with a talent like yours, I'm sure you can
> trim it down and make it scan as well as the rest of your lovely poem
> scans.
>
>
> 2. "We sleep inside dumpsters" - I'm sorry, but that's a slur on the
> primitive native people whom your narator admired just a few lines
> earlier. It's a disappointment to see such stereotypes perpetuated in
> what is otherwise an excellent poem.
>
> 3. "Take glorious, boundless flight" - A typical problem with
> inexperienced poets is that you tend to go from one extreme to the
> other. A few lines ago, you were accusing the primitive native people
> of eating their own offspring raw, but now you're suggesting that
> they've discovered the secret of the jet engine.
>
> Or have I misunderstood what you're getting at? Gee, I'm only an
> amateur myself, but I sure do love such paeans of praise to our native
> traditions as you've kindly shared with us today.
>
> Annyhoo, it's certainly been a privilege to read your poetry, Mister
> hop! Keep writing!!!
>
> ~~~~~
> BFG 2
> ~~~~~
>
LOL!
--
https://www.createspace.com/3707686
hop
Dec 22, 2012, 4:28:57 PM12/22/12
to
On Dec 22, 12:10 am, The Big Fat Guy Tribute Band
> I'm delighted to read such an excellent poem just before Christmas.
> Would you object if I printed your poem onto glossy cards to share
> with my friends and relatives? It's the season of goodwill, and your
> poem has goodwill bursting out of its seams!
>
> Just a few minor questions, if you don't mind.
>
> 1. When you say that the marchers are "covered with lice", is that an
> authentic native tradition? There's a tiny danger of accusing these
> primitive people, who are doing the marching, of being infested with
> vermin, and that would be a racist accusation. They may be primitive,
> but that doesn't mean they're inferior! You presumably know that, but
verses. they are a statement of my worldview
<big_fat_...@example.invalid> wrote:
> In rec.arts.poems on Fri, 21 Dec 2012 20:08:16 -0800 (PST), hop
>
> In rec.arts.poems on Fri, 21 Dec 2012 20:08:16 -0800 (PST), hop
>
> Would you object if I printed your poem onto glossy cards to share
> with my friends and relatives? It's the season of goodwill, and your
> poem has goodwill bursting out of its seams!
>
> Just a few minor questions, if you don't mind.
>
> 1. When you say that the marchers are "covered with lice", is that an
> authentic native tradition? There's a tiny danger of accusing these
> primitive people, who are doing the marching, of being infested with
> vermin, and that would be a racist accusation. They may be primitive,
> but that doesn't mean they're inferior! You presumably know that, but
> your narrator implies otherwise.
>
> I suggest changing "covered with lice" to "processing traditionally
> with an ironic, knowing covering of lice". Golly, that's perhaps a
> little long-winded, but with a talent like yours, I'm sure you can
> trim it down and make it scan as well as the rest of your lovely poem
> scans.
>
> 2. "We sleep inside dumpsters" - I'm sorry, but that's a slur on the
> primitive native people whom your narator admired just a few lines
> earlier. It's a disappointment to see such stereotypes perpetuated in
> what is otherwise an excellent poem.
>
> 3. "Take glorious, boundless flight" - A typical problem with
> inexperienced poets is that you tend to go from one extreme to the
> other. A few lines ago, you were accusing the primitive native people
> of eating their own offspring raw, but now you're suggesting that
> they've discovered the secret of the jet engine.
>
> Or have I misunderstood what you're getting at? Gee, I'm only an
> amateur myself, but I sure do love such paeans of praise to our native
> traditions as you've kindly shared with us today.
>
> Annyhoo, it's certainly been a privilege to read your poetry, Mister
> hop! Keep writing!!!
>
> ~~~~~
> BFG 2
> ~~~~~
thank you for your critique, but you seem to be making fun of my
>
> I suggest changing "covered with lice" to "processing traditionally
> with an ironic, knowing covering of lice". Golly, that's perhaps a
> little long-winded, but with a talent like yours, I'm sure you can
> trim it down and make it scan as well as the rest of your lovely poem
> scans.
>
> 2. "We sleep inside dumpsters" - I'm sorry, but that's a slur on the
> primitive native people whom your narator admired just a few lines
> earlier. It's a disappointment to see such stereotypes perpetuated in
> what is otherwise an excellent poem.
>
> 3. "Take glorious, boundless flight" - A typical problem with
> inexperienced poets is that you tend to go from one extreme to the
> other. A few lines ago, you were accusing the primitive native people
> of eating their own offspring raw, but now you're suggesting that
> they've discovered the secret of the jet engine.
>
> Or have I misunderstood what you're getting at? Gee, I'm only an
> amateur myself, but I sure do love such paeans of praise to our native
> traditions as you've kindly shared with us today.
>
> Annyhoo, it's certainly been a privilege to read your poetry, Mister
> hop! Keep writing!!!
>
> ~~~~~
> BFG 2
> ~~~~~
verses. they are a statement of my worldview
Lord Infomouse
Dec 22, 2012, 4:55:41 PM12/22/12
to
On 12/22/2012 2:28 PM, hop wrote:
>
> thank you for your critique, but you seem to be making fun of my
> verses. they are a statement of my worldview
I used to write poems back in response to yours, but everyone always
>
> thank you for your critique, but you seem to be making fun of my
> verses. they are a statement of my worldview
ignored mine and you got all the attention, so I decided it wasn't worth it.
--
Who told you to think?
I don't give you enough
information to think.
You do what you're told, that's what you do.
Pantheras
Dec 22, 2012, 5:33:50 PM12/22/12
to
On 12/22/2012 4:55 PM, Lord Infomouse wrote:
> On 12/22/2012 2:28 PM, hop wrote:
>
>>
>> thank you for your critique, but you seem to be making fun of my
>> verses. they are a statement of my worldview
>
> I used to write poems back in response to yours, but everyone always
> ignored mine and you got all the attention, so I decided it wasn't worth
> it.
>
You made a correct decision
> On 12/22/2012 2:28 PM, hop wrote:
>
>>
>> thank you for your critique, but you seem to be making fun of my
>> verses. they are a statement of my worldview
>
> I used to write poems back in response to yours, but everyone always
> ignored mine and you got all the attention, so I decided it wasn't worth
> it.
>
George Dance
Dec 22, 2012, 9:50:40 PM12/22/12
to
~alt.usnet.kooks~. He makes fun of everyone who tries to write
poetry.
they are a statement of my worldview.
George Dance
Dec 22, 2012, 9:52:11 PM12/22/12
to
On Dec 22, 4:55 pm, Lord Infomouse <kremvax2...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> On 12/22/2012 2:28 PM, hop wrote:
>
>
>
> > thank you for your critique, but you seem to be making fun of my
> > verses. they are a statement of my worldview
>
> I used to write poems back in response to yours, but everyone always
> ignored mine and you got all the attention, so I decided it wasn't worth it.
>
Poems often get ignored when they're buried in a thread under another
> On 12/22/2012 2:28 PM, hop wrote:
>
>
>
> > thank you for your critique, but you seem to be making fun of my
> > verses. they are a statement of my worldview
>
> I used to write poems back in response to yours, but everyone always
> ignored mine and you got all the attention, so I decided it wasn't worth it.
>
signature header. It's best to post yours, even if they're replies, in
their own separate threads.
Buzzard
Dec 23, 2012, 11:04:37 PM12/23/12
to
the guts not to commit suicide, but to gather your
fellow homeless and march a public "WE ARE HERE"
march; to shame the stuck-up conservatives who complain
about taxes and so-called moochers (pointing at you),
even as they finagle every last dime of deductions,
every possible subsidy they can get from a government
that kowtows to their wealth even as it throws you to
the wolves. SHAME them. Be seen, be heard, let your
plight be felt by the self-absorbed moneyed elites and
the hardworking masses, by the television and the
passers-by on the sidewalk. Let your lice and your
stink be smelled by those who would otherwise not even
care that you don't have a place to take a bath, or
even a rest. Scream as the Whos screamt to Horton
"We are here we are here we are here"
Lord Infomouse
Dec 24, 2012, 2:12:16 AM12/24/12
to
are not met. Wouldn't that tug at their heart strings also?
Message has been deleted
Steve Daniels
Dec 24, 2012, 8:12:54 PM12/24/12
to
On 25 Dec 2012 01:02:59 GMT, against all advice, something
compelled Peter J Ross <p...@example.invalid>, to say:
>In rec.arts.poems on Sat, 22 Dec 2012 13:28:57 -0800 (PST), hop
>"seem"?
Yes. You'll have to be more direct.
compelled Peter J Ross <p...@example.invalid>, to say:
>In rec.arts.poems on Sat, 22 Dec 2012 13:28:57 -0800 (PST), hop
Yes. You'll have to be more direct.
Uncle Steve
Dec 24, 2012, 8:20:00 PM12/24/12
to
insinuate. Even when one is being obviously insulting or rude there
is generally a subtext that serves as the real reason for messaging in
the first place. As far as I have been able to detect in recent
years, people are no longer really speaking to each other. The facade
of discussion has become little more than a vehicle to say what one
does not wish to admit saying.
Those of us who are simple-minded and immune to the ravages of text
and subtext seem to carry on in our oblivious way.
Regards,
Uncle Steve
--
It would appear, then, that the Western consciousness feels itself
urged to predicate a sort of finality inherent in its own appearance.
-- Oswald Spengler, "The Decline of the West", Vol I
Message has been deleted
Uncle Steve
Dec 24, 2012, 10:27:03 PM12/24/12
to
On Tue, Dec 25, 2012 at 02:37:47AM +0000, Peter J Ross wrote:
> In rec.arts.poems on Mon, 24 Dec 2012 20:20:00 -0500, Uncle Steve
> >> >>> earlier. ?It's a disappointment to see such stereotypes perpetuated in
> "The Big Fat Guy Tribute Band" was that my sarcasm wasn't as witty as
> the sarcasm of the Big Fat Guy, the style of which I was imitating.
>
> The Big Fat Guy was a valued regular in the Usenet poetry newsgroups
> about ten years ago. I wanted people to be reminded of that fact.
>
> Of course, I also wanted the moron who posted the incoherent drivel to
> be punished for posting it, but that was a metter of text, not subtext.
> Otherwise one might at well converse face to face.
> and thanks also for an example of his thinking that's likely to
> console me with the thought that I may have missed nothing worth
> reading.
That's not quite the most evocative passage I've read yet. I'm only a
few tens of pages into the first volume, but it is evident he is
extremely well read, and although his critics say (among other
things) that his analogies are indefensible, his prose is dense with
commonsense observations and analysis. I would not so easily dismiss
his writing as the quality is quite good.
> "At a time when it was universally confessed that almost every man in
> the empire was superior in personal merit to the princes whom the
> accident of their birth had seated on the throne, a rapid succession
> of usurpers, regardless of the fate of their predecessors, still
> continued to arise."
>
> I typed that sentence at random from Gibbon. Notice how there's no
> waffle about "Western consciousness" or "a sort of finality", just
> some comprehensible insights into human behaviour, combined with the
> kind of unforced irony that is a proof of genius.
Irony is always nice.
> Spengler is the heir of such risible pseudo-prophetic non-thinkers as
> Fichte and Hegel. Gibbon is in the tradition of all the people who
> try to have their writing make sense. I think I'll re-read Gibbon
> instead of bothering with Spengler.
Spengler makes a decent effort at being comprehensive while also being
accessible to the layman. I've not read Gibbon but he's on my to-do
list.
> In rec.arts.poems on Mon, 24 Dec 2012 20:20:00 -0500, Uncle Steve
> <stev...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > On Mon, Dec 24, 2012 at 05:12:54PM -0800, Steve Daniels wrote:
> >> On 25 Dec 2012 01:02:59 GMT, against all advice, something
> >> compelled Peter J Ross <p...@example.invalid>, to say:
> >>
> >> >In rec.arts.poems on Sat, 22 Dec 2012 13:28:57 -0800 (PST), hop
> >> ><connie....@spamgourmet.com> wrote:
> >> >
> >> >> On Dec 22, 12:10?am, The Big Fat Guy Tribute Band
>
> > On Mon, Dec 24, 2012 at 05:12:54PM -0800, Steve Daniels wrote:
> >> On 25 Dec 2012 01:02:59 GMT, against all advice, something
> >> compelled Peter J Ross <p...@example.invalid>, to say:
> >>
> >> >In rec.arts.poems on Sat, 22 Dec 2012 13:28:57 -0800 (PST), hop
> >> ><connie....@spamgourmet.com> wrote:
> >> >
> >> >> <big_fat_...@example.invalid> wrote:
> >> >>> In rec.arts.poems on Fri, 21 Dec 2012 20:08:16 -0800 (PST), hop
> >> >>>
> >> >>> <connie.2.ra...@spamgourmet.com> wrote:
> >> >>>
> >> >>> > ? some of us dont matter, we weep as we eat our rice,
> >> >>> In rec.arts.poems on Fri, 21 Dec 2012 20:08:16 -0800 (PST), hop
> >> >>>
> >> >>> <connie.2.ra...@spamgourmet.com> wrote:
> >> >>>
> >> >>> what is otherwise an excellent poem.
> >> >>>
> >> >>> 3. "Take glorious, boundless flight" - A typical problem with
> >> >>> inexperienced poets is that you tend to go from one extreme to the
> >> >>> other. A few lines ago, you were accusing the primitive native people
> >> >>> of eating their own offspring raw, but now you're suggesting that
> >> >>> they've discovered the secret of the jet engine.
> >> >>>
> >> >>> Or have I misunderstood what you're getting at? Gee, I'm only an
> >> >>> amateur myself, but I sure do love such paeans of praise to our native
> >> >>> traditions as you've kindly shared with us today.
> >> >>>
> >> >>> Annyhoo, it's certainly been a privilege to read your poetry, Mister
> >> >>> hop! Keep writing!!!
> >> >>>
> >> >>> ~~~~~
> >> >>> BFG 2
> >> >>> ~~~~~
> >> >>
> >> >> thank you for your critique, but you seem to be making fun of my
> >> >> verses. they are a statement of my worldview
> >> >
> >> >"seem"?
> >>
> >>
> >> Yes. You'll have to be more direct.
> >
> > Oh please. The normal mode of Usenet posting these days is to
> > insinuate. Even when one is being obviously insulting or rude there
> > is generally a subtext that serves as the real reason for messaging in
> > the first place.
>
> The subtext of the article I "messaged" under the transparent alias of
> >> >>>
> >> >>> 3. "Take glorious, boundless flight" - A typical problem with
> >> >>> inexperienced poets is that you tend to go from one extreme to the
> >> >>> other. A few lines ago, you were accusing the primitive native people
> >> >>> of eating their own offspring raw, but now you're suggesting that
> >> >>> they've discovered the secret of the jet engine.
> >> >>>
> >> >>> Or have I misunderstood what you're getting at? Gee, I'm only an
> >> >>> amateur myself, but I sure do love such paeans of praise to our native
> >> >>> traditions as you've kindly shared with us today.
> >> >>>
> >> >>> Annyhoo, it's certainly been a privilege to read your poetry, Mister
> >> >>> hop! Keep writing!!!
> >> >>>
> >> >>> ~~~~~
> >> >>> BFG 2
> >> >>> ~~~~~
> >> >>
> >> >> thank you for your critique, but you seem to be making fun of my
> >> >> verses. they are a statement of my worldview
> >> >
> >> >"seem"?
> >>
> >>
> >> Yes. You'll have to be more direct.
> >
> > Oh please. The normal mode of Usenet posting these days is to
> > insinuate. Even when one is being obviously insulting or rude there
> > is generally a subtext that serves as the real reason for messaging in
> > the first place.
>
> "The Big Fat Guy Tribute Band" was that my sarcasm wasn't as witty as
> the sarcasm of the Big Fat Guy, the style of which I was imitating.
>
> The Big Fat Guy was a valued regular in the Usenet poetry newsgroups
> about ten years ago. I wanted people to be reminded of that fact.
>
> Of course, I also wanted the moron who posted the incoherent drivel to
> be punished for posting it, but that was a metter of text, not subtext.
>
> > As far as I have been able to detect in recent
> > years, people are no longer really speaking to each other.
>
> On Usenet, what is said ought to matter more than who says it.
> > As far as I have been able to detect in recent
> > years, people are no longer really speaking to each other.
>
> Otherwise one might at well converse face to face.
>
> > The facade
> > of discussion has become little more than a vehicle to say what one
> > does not wish to admit saying.
> >
> > Those of us who are simple-minded and immune to the ravages of text
> > and subtext seem to carry on in our oblivious way.
>
> Please elaborate.
> > The facade
> > of discussion has become little more than a vehicle to say what one
> > does not wish to admit saying.
> >
> > Those of us who are simple-minded and immune to the ravages of text
> > and subtext seem to carry on in our oblivious way.
>
>
> > Regards,
> >
> > Uncle Steve
> >
> > --
> > It would appear, then, that the Western consciousness feels itself
> > urged to predicate a sort of finality inherent in its own appearance.
> > -- Oswald Spengler, "The Decline of the West", Vol I
>
> Thanks for the reminder that I've never got round to reading Spengler,
> > Regards,
> >
> > Uncle Steve
> >
> > --
> > It would appear, then, that the Western consciousness feels itself
> > urged to predicate a sort of finality inherent in its own appearance.
> > -- Oswald Spengler, "The Decline of the West", Vol I
>
> and thanks also for an example of his thinking that's likely to
> console me with the thought that I may have missed nothing worth
> reading.
That's not quite the most evocative passage I've read yet. I'm only a
few tens of pages into the first volume, but it is evident he is
extremely well read, and although his critics say (among other
things) that his analogies are indefensible, his prose is dense with
commonsense observations and analysis. I would not so easily dismiss
his writing as the quality is quite good.
> "At a time when it was universally confessed that almost every man in
> the empire was superior in personal merit to the princes whom the
> accident of their birth had seated on the throne, a rapid succession
> of usurpers, regardless of the fate of their predecessors, still
> continued to arise."
>
> I typed that sentence at random from Gibbon. Notice how there's no
> waffle about "Western consciousness" or "a sort of finality", just
> some comprehensible insights into human behaviour, combined with the
> kind of unforced irony that is a proof of genius.
Irony is always nice.
> Spengler is the heir of such risible pseudo-prophetic non-thinkers as
> Fichte and Hegel. Gibbon is in the tradition of all the people who
> try to have their writing make sense. I think I'll re-read Gibbon
> instead of bothering with Spengler.
Spengler makes a decent effort at being comprehensive while also being
accessible to the layman. I've not read Gibbon but he's on my to-do
list.
Buzzard
Dec 28, 2012, 2:10:09 AM12/28/12
to
0 new messages