8== BOY IS SEARCHING FOR A BOY ==8 [ update ]
sasha.
<< posted & mailed >>
[alt.happyclown]
On 27 Jun 1997 22:27:06 GMT, Professor wrote:
+ You were fortunate!
+ --
+ "The Professor"
+
+ Roger Lecoix <rle...@pseudo.fr> wrote in article
+ <33B34A...@pseudo.fr>...
+ > Jeremy M. wrote:
+ >
+ > We did not receive this article at tor.general. Could someone please
+ > repost it and any replies.
+ >
+ > Thanking you in advance!
+ >
+ > Bruce MacAllister
+ >
As well as all the people that saw my post and responded, and one very
lucky winner of course, ;) that got my heart. Who is it? You decide.
I've included with this post his email to me. As for my original post,
I'll include it at the bottom of this message.
But thirst...
I would like to thank everyone who responded to my call.
I was very surprised by the amount of response I got from my boyfriend
seeking campaign. My mail box exploded with messages from all over the
world, people sending me pictures and stuff, pretty neat.
/me blush
I had a date already with one the guys that responded. His name is
[secret] and he is [secret] years old, gorgeous and very smart, also
lives in Toronto. We had nice time out and everything goes so well
that it is heard to believe. I never thought that my boyfriend seeking
campaign would be such a success. Go figure. Not only I got a date so
far, I already made bunch of friends world wide. Not bad at all for
one posted message.
Try it ;) I am very friendly and like making new friends. I don't
byte... or I do, it depends on when, where and who. ;) Don't be shy
and tell the world about yourself. I did. And if you are too shy to do
it yourself, then email me and I'll post it for you. ;)
Here is a short story I wrote and after that I've added some email
that I've received throughout the campaign. I left out their names and
contact addresses, but if you really want to get in touch with any of
them, give me a shout and I'll ask.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Welcome to sasha.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Privet means 'hi' in Russian.
Privet. My name is sasha. I was born in Moscow in 1971 and lived there
'til 1988, which makes me 25 years old. I've spent most of the summers
of my younger life in the Soviet pioneer camps and the winters in a
big red building in Moscow, coincidentally called 'Internat', which
served for many years as a home that I shared with several hundred
other kids with no family. At 10, I knew the streets and terrorized
Moscow by night, together with a gang of teenagers for whom I was an
adorable toy of affection. At that age, I was taught to smoke, drink
and exchange pleasantries. By the time I was 14, I had my first
hour-long serious relationship with a 22-year-old army boy. I've been
with men ever since. At 15, my music teacher discovered my apparently
rare ability to create funny noises, and I was sent to one of the top
music institutions in Moscow. There, I became one of the youngest
basso profundo to enter that school. I was in my second year when the
Soviet Union began to crumble and all my favorite teachers left
suddenly for a better life elsewhere in the new world. Every day was
chaotic and exiting and I was trying not to miss anything. Most of my
friends were called into the army and sent somewhere in Afghanistan to
help our neighbours in the war. Once I saw couple of them come home, I
realised that the army wasn't for me but there was little I could do
to avoid it.
It was during that time that I was introduced to a scary looking man
who claimed to be my biological father. He was one of these noisy
dissidents who finally was allowed to leave the Soviet Union. He
offered me to join him in this endeavour, since you were only allowed
to leave if you had close relatives outside of the border. The deal
was simple -- he would send me a tourist invitation to Italy, but I
would be required to have an adult supervisor traveling with me since
I was underage. So I left with his mistress, who was only a few years
older than me, because this was the only way my biological father
could bring her out. He also made it clear that if I decided not to go
back I would have to rely on myself, as he already had seven children
from both his wife and his mistress. That was fine, since I didn't
like him to begin with. When I asked my mom if the scary man was
really my father, she said that he was but there was no planning
involved in the pregnancy since he had raped her when she was 18.
Doctors had advised her that if she underwent an abortion, she would
never have kids again. So she didn't, and I guess that twist of fate
saved me from going down the toilet. When I asked her if I should come
back to Moscow, she said that if I came back, I'll be acting like a
complete idiot. I thanked my mom for her motherly advise and agreed to
make this deal with the psycho guy. Moments later, I was on the train
plowing through Ukraine to the last Soviet frontier. At a small border
town called Chop (funny name eh?), our train stopped to change its
wheels to a European standard. The town was quiet and I was very
exited by everything that was happening around me. But then, four
armed solders approached my sleeper car and escorted me to an
underground dungeon downstairs from the train station. There, I was
told that I couldn't leave with that train because i was bringing
cinematographic film for my father and they had to see it. So I told
them "Why don't you look at it, then?" The two KGB officers looked at
each other and smiled. They told me that their projector wasn't
working. I asked them how long it would take to fix the projector.
They told me that they had to make a request to Moscow and that I
would have to spend a couple of days with them, and that I shouldn't
worry about getting bored. After hearing that, I replied that they
could keep the film. After long hours in a small hot room together
with the two officers and four pretty solders, I was finally allowed
to proceed with my trip, although they confiscated all my papers,
including my birth certificate, school diploma, letters, and all of my
pictures. I was 16 and all alone as I entered a new chapter of my life
-- free as a cat.
Nine years have past since then, and now I am here. Meow everyone.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Thanx to all of you guys a lot.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hi there:
I was browsing the newsgroups, and I came across your posting. I'm
not sure what it was, but something in your words spoke to a part of
me, and I was intrigued enough to visit your web site. Once I was
there, I highly enjoyed what you had done and the extent to which you
had gone to make sure that "Finding Sasha's Bedroom" was really what
they wanted. I liked the way you got rid of people who were not
within your specified age range.
After following a couple of your links, I found your page and I must
say, I was impressed by your picture!!! ;););)
I also visited some of the artwork, other pictures, and eventually
found myself following every one of your links.....I even viewed the
HTML coding just to make sure that there were no hidden surprises
there :)
I was moved and touched by your biography, and I hope that the last 9
years have been enjoyable overall other than your search for a
boyfriend.
I know that search well, and I have been looking for "Mr Right" for a
while myself. It *is* hard to find that special person to care about
and to trust enough. If you weren't so far away (about 5.5 hours), I
would love the chance to get to know you better. I feel that I might
fit your expectations, being 5'11", 155 #'s, brown hair and eyes, and
26, and single.
I wish you luck in your search, and I know in my heart that you will
find that special someone that you need and want.
Ottawa.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
send me your picture snail mail, I live in buffalo ny
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw your web page... very very neat.
Toronto.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hi Sasha. I really enjoyed your page. It is very artistic and sensual.
Toronto.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I visited your site and was quite "impressed" by everything!
My name is ****** and I am 24, single, smart, and some say cute. I
have
included a picture so you can be the judge of that!
I live in Hamilton- very close to T.O. so I would love to correspond
with you and who knows maybe meet you in the future?
Would it sound too corney if I said I had never done this before and
am really nervous? Believe me I am.
Please write back if you are interested in talking, e-mailing, etc.
Take care.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
hi
nice story you have on your homepage... I have to admit I cheated a
bit though... why did you decide to arrange it as you did?... it was
easier to download the document source and read it there... and go to
the right places directly... btw, nice maze you designed :)...
anyways, if you feel like chatting, send me some email.
dasvedanya (sp?)
Toronto.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
First, congratulations on what is the most innovative personal web
site I've yet come across. I don't know when I've had more fun
scrolling around on a page.
Second, let me say that I suspect that you're way out of my league,
but I think that you'd be interesting to talk to. Check out my web
page at ************** for some background info. Please note before
visiting that I completely lack any artistic ability. I will redesign
the pages again at some point, but lack any particular interest at the
moment.
Some info now. I'm 31, somewhere around 5'8" and 125#. Very lean, it's
true, but at least it's a benefit for rock climbing. Described by
friends, who are mostly straight, as quite masculine, though not
necessarily straight-acting, if the distinction means anything. I
know two mothers who want me to marry their daughters, even though
they know I'm gay. I think this is a high recommendation. In the
process (once again) of growing out my hair; it's currently hanging
somewhere around my mouth and looking intolerably 70s
after-school-special or something. Interests are widely varied, which
means that I can converse on a variety of topics, but not many to a
highly significant degree. I've been single for almost 3 1/2 years
now. It was a quite startling revelation when I realized this the
other day, actually, since I hadn't noticed the lack overmuch. Life is
otherwise pretty good for me. I find gay bars musically intolerable
and really have no interest in a sexually segregated segment of
society anyway, so meeting gay people is difficult at best. I joined a
gay pool league in the hopes of maybe changing this; nothing really
changed in the sex department, but at least I get to play pool
regularly. Being philosophically (though not necessarily politically)
anarchist, I place a high degree of importance in self-honesty and
responsibility to and for oneself. I know I don't always manage to
live up to my ideals, but it's important that they're there
nonetheless. I make friends relatively easily when I feel I'm in a
comfortable context, and with great difficulty when I don't. If I
don't have anything to say, I won't.
Enough stream of consciousness crap. Send me a note if you want.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Yia sou ( hi in Greek )
I visited your site and I found it very interesting..... ( I found the
url somewhere is the net )
My name is ****** and I am a Greek guy. Maybe we could keep in touch
and exchange some e-mails or whatever ( I have icq ).
You can visit my personal page which is still under heavy construction
at
*****************************
Hope we talk soon
Take care *******
Carpe Diem
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Sasha,
I checked out your homepage... quite interesting. I'm very impressed!
You certainly have a talent for web-design. It was quite unique.
I managed to find your bedroom ;-) Very nice. You are one very sexy
guy!!!!
I live in London, ON. I'll be in Toronto for PRIDE on the weekend. I'm
actually in TO on Friday (tomorrow) on business, then back to London
and back to TO on Saturday. Looking forward to a good weekend.
I'm sending a picture of me. It is a few years old. Taken when I was
26. I'm now 29, I haven't changed much expect my hair is now almost as
short as yours. It was a promo photo for me, so ya, I'm in a suit, not
my birthday suit.
Hope to hear from you sometime.
Take Care
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Dear Sasha,
I am a 22 year old male of mixed heritage. Having both a
white and black family history has given me special privilege and
first-hand insight into this culturally diverse world in which we
live, with all it’s racism and power imbalances that go with it.
Coming from a split home, I have spent much of my life
traveling. My traveling was the sort practiced in airports, as my
father lived hundreds of miles away in the islands of the Bahamas.
Living in two different environments meant not only variants in
weather conditions, but also two vastly different cultures. Despite
this, the adjustments I had to make, which for me occurred twice
yearly, became increasingly easier. Now I am able to look back on
those early years, thankful for the experience and skills this aspect
of my life has offered me: organisation, cultural sensitivity, a
hearty independence, and a healthy inquisitive nature.
I attended school in Canada. And when not in school, much of
my time was spent in constant awe of the lives lived by others on
television. In an effort to curb the wicked influence that the
television seemed to be having on my life, my mother enrolled me in a
barrage of extracurricular activities to keep my spare time down to a
bare minimum. Several years were spent I use that word because my
mother would most likely highlight the cost of these endeavours
running between dance, voice, and piano lessons. I was vaulted from
couch potato to entertainer in mere weeks. Like any impressionable
youth, I took to the stage like the thrifty to a sale. Performing
became a new outlet for my artistic talents. This new outlet proved
to be one which would last most of my childhood and teen years.
Much of the time I spent with my father took on a very
different face. It became the spaces where I was able to live out some
of my daydreams. Since my father was an Airline Executive, any time I
had to bond with him was done in the air. In between his many
meetings, we spent our time at various restaurants, hotels, casinos,
dinner clubs in places like Atlanta, New York City, Nassau, and
London. Socially, it was ideal, and I savoured it. But invariably,
those exciting times made the commonness of life back in Canada and at
school much more of a challenge.
Academically, I have always been a zealous student. In
university, I chose to explore the deeper side of the media and
performing arts through a degree in Cultural Studies, an
interdisciplinary program which critically theorises the role of mass
media and culture in modern western civilisation. Subsequently I
followed that degree with a post-gradguate diploma in journalism and
public relations. Having Graduated on Tuesday- I am currently
unemployed and looking for work!
In terms of my sexuality, that is another story- based heavily
on my repressed upbringing. As children, we are taught by elders and
those with power over us that a child’s sexuality is not to be
discussed, let alone explored. This is done through a series of
learned behavioural modifications. I can recall episodes of
chastising the first and all subsequent times I was caught touching my
own genitalia. It was not that sexuality was bad, that was never
stated, but to be honest, sex was rarely discussed at all. When it
was, it was only in the way of a preventative threat.
The summer of my twelfth birthday I was sexually assaulted.
This experience only verified the subtle lessons of the culture under
which I had been raised. Don’t experiment with sex. Boys like girls
(easily translated after four years of Cultural Studies into- Gender
determines your sexuality). Nice boys don’t.
What happened to me was not the stuff of movies, however
dramatic its effect on me was and forever shall be. I was subtly and
quietly raped by a cousin on my summer vacation miles from home and
presumed security. This was not the adolescent mutual exploration
that most boys experience. It was rape. He was doing something to me
that I did not want, and it was something that I felt I had no say in
considering my cousins threats that he would tell. Given my own
notions of right and wrong where sex was concerned, it seemed I was
powerless to say no. He was older and I perceived our relationship as
trustworthy. I went along with the initial exploration, so with what
transpired later, I was seen as a willing participant.
What I felt at the time was nothing. I did not even have to
run because in a week I was a thousand miles away. Soon enough the
memory of that time was gone, or should I say repressed. But that did
not stop the effects of this event on the rest of my life, nor did it
stop me from becoming a classic victim. I told no one. I could not
tell my family. Sex was not to be talked about, and this was
same-gender sexual behaviour as well. I felt I had broken every
family rule in the book. I had been sexual, and it had been with
someone of the same sex. I felt if I told anyone in my family they
would hate me. I had a hard enough time feeling that my parents cared
about me, since they both only played secondary roles in my life. To
them what I had done would push them away even further. So I put up a
front. There was nothing wrong. My life became one of performance. I
performed normalcy. They never could have seen that there was any
pain in my life. I was too clever at twelve to let anyone know that
things were not as they seemed. (I now joke that I was the best actor
of my time!) Soon enough, I forgot the performance and believed I was
normal.
It was these suppressed memories which would haunt me
throughout my adolescent years and follow me to University.
During high-school, in my struggle to fit in, I sought solace
in female friends and avoided males like the plague. I hated all of
them for what had happened to me, even though these thoughts were
purely on the subconscious level. In so many ways I was far beyond my
peers. I was more responsible and always praised by my teachers for
my leadership ability. I had to be better than all of them in so many
ways just so I could feel like there equal. On the inside,
emotionally and sexually, I was still twelve years old. I never felt
I was allowed to grow past that stage.
In university things for the most part remained the same. And
it wasn’t until mid-way through my third year, and as a result of
another victimising incident that forced my repressed memories of that
summer vacation resurfaced.
One night, a drunken roommates boyfriend decided to get to
know me better by touching me, very inappropriately. Suddenly, it
rushed back to me and it was like the past ten years never happened.
But this time I was in my own home and in my own room. All sense of
safety was shattered. The performance had had its last curtain call.
It was time to run, but yet I was again silenced by own guilt and
shame.
This time picking up the pieces would not be so easy. This
was in my home, these were supposed to be friends. Friends, unlike
family, you can choose. This victim thing seemed too much like a
pattern to ignore. So I left. Mid-way through the year, ignoring a
lease and commitments, I packed my bags and hit the road in the middle
of the night. I painfully became aware of how innocence is wasted on
children when I realised that I was now homeless and not able to find
comfort in my silence. If I could reflect at all at this point about
my experience at twelve, I was lucky in that there was less to walk or
fly away from. Age somehow disallows us to fain innocence, and surely
there would be questions. Institutions have a way of forcing
conformativity, and university life is not much different. If you do
not fit in, then you must take steps to do so. For all its talk of
building independence, it seemed I was being forced into dependency.
Was I to throw away two and half years of university because our
culture refuses to recognise the abuse done to boys? Who can we run
to when all notions of trust have been destroyed?
Before I could do anything I had to learn to trust again.
For a victim like myself, this proved impossible considering that
dealing with the situation actually meant that I had to confront the
truth. And the truth was that the sexual hang-ups that I had been
raised with had mixed with what had happened to me, so strong the
mystery surrounding male rape, it created a veil of denial in regards
to my own sexuality. I did not trust the therapy available to me-
anything I read regarding rape and assault was gendered towards women.
I did not feel that my family or friends would understand that what
had happened to me made would not make me less of a man. I began to
feel I had no peers. I had focused so hard on my inadequacies that I
had forgotten about all that I had going for me and thought there was
nothing left.
These were only excuses to keep me away from dealing with the
real problems. Staying isolated and a victim made it even more
difficult to change things. I also used the excuse that I knew no one
who had experienced the kind of abuse I had. Although it seemed so
minor, its effect on me was nothing short of major.
That is what happened to me. I had no sexual boundaries at
the time of the rape. In order to live with the fear I had about my
sexual identity I merely put up the thickest walls I could and kept
people out. If I had only had someone to trust so I could have let
them know what was happening to me, then perhaps I would not have had
to live so many years feeling trapped by the shame and embarrassment I
had over sexuality.
So here I am still trying to come to terms with my sexuality
and moving on with my life. I guess it would be a lot easier to admit
being gay if those incidents had never happened to me- but
unfortunately they have and so they become a part of who I am.
I hope that wasn’t too deep? I sometimes forget what it means
to be restrained, but I felt I knew so much about you that you
deserved to learn more about me!
I'm still trying to figure out why that picture i sent didn't
go through- That is if you still want to see what I look like after
hearing all the gorry details of my life? I will try again. Sorry I
don't have a web site for you to visit but it is still under
construction. You'd think after five years on-line I would have one by
now. Soon- now that I'm unemployed and have plenty of free time, it
should be done in no time.
Well I better let you go- please write back. I think I'm
beginning to like this!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My original post
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hi boyz.
My name is sasha.
I am 25 years old Russian-German-Jewish-Gay guy. I live in Toronto
Canada and do graphics design and web development. My interests
include Independent and Experimental Music, pirate radio, free nets,
culture jamming and participation in local and global grassroots
organizations.
For several years I've been traveling world wide and made lots of
friends in many different countries but was never as lucky in finding
myself a boyfriend. I never had one. So, I've decided to have a
campaign to find one or better yet, offer myself to be found. I am not
talking about sex, I have no problems with it, I need some nice guy to
take care of, to be with me, and I don't have any idea where to find
one. I am not much around the gay scene, though I am involved with the
organization that got the local gay community center online. I hang
around with a group of friends and all of them are straight. I've been
promised many times to be introduced to someone 'cool' but that never
happened. I've tried gay bars and I couldn't stand the music there,
actually it is not quiet my scene but if you don't hang around with
fags how one does get to meet them? "Socialize more", I was told, but
I only end up seducing my straight friends, and actually getting
lucky. ;) (for these who know me, "shut up", you know nothing). I've
tried local telephone stuff and ads in newspapers. All the same. So I
thought give internet a shot and see what's gonna happen.
So, here it is, visit my home page and try to find more about me. I
have my bedroom berried in there somewhere, so you would have to find
it. It's not heard, but will require some patience. If you would like
what you see, give me a buzz. Good luck to you and to me.
Oh ya. Little tip. There is more to me than an eye can see. ;) As,
well, don't bug me about spelling and stuff, its aint my lang.
Cheers,
http://not.torfree.net/~sasha
happy, happy,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A R T s a s h a. Idiosyntactix
Strategic Arts & Sciences
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
203 HARBORD STREET
TORONTO >< ONTARIO m e d i a
C a n a d a | * |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
sasha @ n o t . t o r f r e e . n e t
n o t . t o r f r e e . n e t /~sasha