A Newsgroup Denizen
WILLIAM PALMER
It is easy to imagine him entering a group by burrowing up
from beneath the floor. The fact that a smelly grease pours
copiously from his body as a natural lubricant makes his
tunneling around the net easier. He would resemble a naked
mole rat, were it not for his huge proboscis, covered with
scraggly whiskers. His small, fat body is layered over by
several dirty moleskin cloaks. One is wrapped around his
head like a cowl. Because of the horse blinders he wears, you
must look at him directly to see his two shiny yellow eyes.
Except for the proboscis, the rest of his face remains hidden
in shadow by the cowl. In his tiny claws he greedily clutches
hundreds of scraps of crumpled toilet paper, on which he has
scrawled his "scientific theories" regarding astronomy and
other matters he knows little or nothing about. Yet, as he
wends his way around the net, he regulary--from his anus
where they are produced--deposits these worthless scraps in
newsgroups where they are generally (and wisely) ignored.
Twinkles, the alt.genius.dwarf
WILLIAM PALMER
"B Campbell" <appa...@juno.com> wrote in message
news:3D829F40...@juno.com... >
> > WILLIAM PALMER wrote:
> > > Portrait of Newsgroup Denizen, "Road-rat."
> >
> >
> > It is easy to imagine him entering a group by burrowing up
> > from beneath the floor. The fact that a smelly grease pours
> > copiously from his body as a natural lubricant makes his
> > tunneling around the net easier. He would resemble a naked
> > mole rat, were it not for his huge proboscis, covered with
> > scraggly whiskers. His small, fat body is layered over by
> > several dirty moleskin cloaks. One is wrapped around his
> > head like a cowl. Because of the horse blinders he wears, you
> > must look at him directly to see his two shiny yellow eyes.
> > Except for the proboscis, the rest of his face remains hidden
> > in shadow by the cowl. In his tiny claws he greedily clutches
> > hundreds of scraps of crumpled toilet paper, on which he has
> > scrawled his "scientific theories" regarding astronomy and
> > other matters he knows little or nothing about. Yet, as he
> > wends his way around the net, he regulary--from his anus
> > where they are produced--deposits these paper scraps in
> > newsgroups where they are generally (and wisely) ignored.
> >
> >
> >
> > Twinkles, the alt.genius.dwarf
(Temporary office headquarters: rec.arts.prose)
>
> You forgot that you don't care about what anyone else says.
You are putting words in my mouth. Of course I care. All I
need to exibit as proof are the thousands of posts I have made
reacting to what someone else has posted. While I am very
proud of my stand-alones, including the above lampoon (inspired,
in case no one has guessed, by MAD magazine cartoonist
Will Elder), I regularly show that I DO care about what
other posters say. But do I care enough to let them run
me out of a newsgroup because they don't like my style
or my views or my humor? Certainly not. And by the
way, *I* STILL think "A Newsgroup Denizen" is hilarious.
> --
> - Bennett Campbell -
> http://home.nycap.rr.com/bcampbell/index.html
>