English is a crazy language
Tuggy
From an English as a Second Language Web Site
English is the most widely used language in the history of our
planet. One in every 7 humans can speak it. More than half of the
world's books and 3 quarters of international mail is in English. Of
all the languages, it has the largest vocabulary - perhaps as many as
2 MILLION words. Nonetheless, let's face it - English is a crazy
language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in
hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are
candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea
pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers
write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't
ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth
beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2
indices? One mouse, 2 mice; so one spouse, why not two spice?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend,
that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you
have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what
do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter,
perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo
by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites,
while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be
hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are
absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown?
Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into
someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where
are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY
hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch,
I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
Kevin Ilias (CountryK)
Tuggy wrote:
> This Crazy Language
(essay cuddled away)
Now that is a smile bringer and a mind bender.
Hugs
CountryBear
Kennabear
Tuggy wrote:
> This Crazy Language
Hehe too true. *HUGS*
Kennabear
lunatick
B-U-A-H-A-H-A-H-A-H-A-H-A-H-A-H-A-H-A-H-A-H-A-H-A <snort> <snort>
Oh my aching sides.
lunatick, semi-resident werewolf
http://members.xoom.com/sirspice
Lumber Cartel (tinlc) Unit 1686
..
X-Signature: ac
lunatick, semi-resident werewolf of AC
http://members.xoom.com/sirspice
Lumber Cartel (tinlc) Unit 1686
..
X-Signature: GreenCuddler
GreenCuddler
..
Catherine
I found the following on another ng. Think I may have posted it
before, but it seems appropriate, so I'm sending it again.
Enjoy!
Catherine.
--
Catherine Browning
Lady-in-Waiting to my rotten News server
E-Mail: cebro at alphalink dot com dot au
(Remove -MAINECOON- to reply)
ICQ me on: 39830826
PGP Public Key Fingerprint: 3F39 CD1F 6FB0 E667 F4C2 7FD1 2AC5 6B47
Synnoveah J Cooke
>This Crazy Language
>
>
>From an English as a Second Language Web Site
>
How can the weather be
>hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
Cuz you burn in hell or it will be a cold day in hell before you walk
that road that was paved with good intentions?
>
And where
>are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY
>hurt a fly?
Synny jumps up and down waving her fly swatter wildly...here here...
>
, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
>
Darn it I was just getting wound up too...<G>
Synny
I kindle the elemental fire
Of the South
Blaze of creativity, passion of
Love, hearthfire of protection.
Summer
******************************
You may break, You may shatter the vase,
if you will,
But the scent of roses will
linger still.
****************************************************
I am who I am. You are who you are.
So be who you are, and not what you are.
****************************************************
Brianna pics
http://home.earthlink.net/%7Ehug1shy/brianna.html
hubbys art gallery
http://www.elfwood.com/lothlorien/artists/brianc/brianc.html
Roy Lakin
>This Crazy Language
>
>
>From an English as a Second Language Web Site
>
[...]
There used to be a poem about the non-existent positives, but I remember only
part of it:
"His hair was kempt"
Can anyone remind me?
You only have to visit alt.usage.english to see that all that was in the essay
was true, and lots more besides.
*WUGGLES*
Roy (and Hub Cap)
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