Re: HOMESKOOL JOKES & Michael S Morris from Butler Uni
MEHSC MOBERATOR
>> "Michael S. Morris" <msmo...@netdirect.net> wrote:
>>> I believe *all* homeschoolers do not do a better job
>>> teaching children than professional educators.
....
>>> homeschooling is not for everyone.
>> Amen again!
> Amen to that.
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Christian Religious Ideas Molding Education
.....
To show how much He loves us, God allowed all humans to spring from the
lying, killing, disobedient, incestuous, and totally dysfunctional Adam &
Eve family he made especially for us. Thank you, Lord!
... God has called me, Mrs. Betty Bowers, to irradicate all secular subjects
(such as "evolution," "physics," non-Biblical fiction, "biology," and
tongues that people understand and aren't accompanied by rolling on the
floor and gurgling
saliva) from our nation's school systems and to introduce in their place:
Christian Religious Ideas Molding Education:
Betty Bowers' Curriculum For a Bible Based Education
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Physics:
The laws of physics regarding refraction of light only came into being to
cheer up Noah, as this is when God created the first rainbow. (Praise the
Lord for being the world's first exterior decorator! Love those colorful
flourishes Lord, but could I see something in a taupe?) GE 9:12-16
Fire consumes wet wood, stones, and dust, and "licks up" water (but won't
light charcoal briquettes at a bar-b-que!) 1SA 2:8, JB 38:4, PS 104:5 1KI
18:33-38
An iron axe head can float in water, (but, remember, a single-engine plane
and Natalie Wood won't).2KI 6:5-7
The shadow on a sun dial moves backwards (so they need to be set forward in
fall and back in spring one hour). 2KI 20:11
The earth has four corners (but Africa and Antartica have no 4-star
restaurants). IS 11:12, RE 7:1
The earth can be turned upside down so as to scatter its inhabitants (or for
serious Spring cleaning). IS 24:1 (KJV)
The moon will someday be as bright as the sun is now (I recommend a
moisterizer with a MPF 35!) IS 30:26
There is a high mountain from which all the kingdoms of the world can be
seen (and Satan has a ReMaxx office at the top). MT 4:8
There are at least three heavens (none of which welcome the unsaved). 2CO
12:2
Heaven is to be inhabited by 144,000 virgin men who have not been "defiled"
by women (and are all, no doubt, ready for some BASH ex-gay therapy). RE
14:1-4
Metropolitan Heaven is only about 1500 miles square (but all the Earth-view
property is spoken for). RE 21:16
The sky is strong like molten glass (so maybe it is God who looks at us
through a glass darkly!) (Job 37:18)
The sky separates the seas on earth from the seas above it (unless you live
in Los Angeles, Mexico City or Atlanta, in which case it is carbon monoxide
that is separating the two seas) (GEN 1:7)
There was light ("night and day") before there was even a sun (so artificial
lighting schemes must have been around long before Thomas Edison. Praise the
Lord!) . GE 1:3-5, 14-19
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Zoology
Donkeys speak Hebrew! (But my travels provide unscientific indicia that
asses tend to speak French.) NU 22:21-30.
Slugs and/or snails melt as they move (Especially if you line their path
with Kosher salt or Lot's wife). PS 58:8
Rabbits chew their own cud! LE 11:6
There are winged creatures, birds or insects, that go around on all fours!
LE 11:20-21
There were giants and dragons on the earth at one time. GE 6:4
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Medicine/Biology
God's own health tip: A house or clothes can have leprosy (it strikes Mrs.
Bowers that a long-sleeved blouse featuring the latest in leprosy is the
epitome of planned obsolescence!) LE 14:33-57
Leprosy can be cured with fabulous incantations and the blood of a bird (but
even club soda won't get the bird blood out of your lovely silks -- I say,
stick with the leprosy, girls!). LE 14:49-53
The Israelis no longer experience any sickness (because Moses told them they
would never be sick, and Moses wouldn't lie! Praise the Lord!) DT 7:15
People are full of dirt! (But you knew that.) JG 3:21-22 (KJV)
Health Warning: Entering a holy place without wearing bells can result in
death (and entering my home with them will result in a similar fate). EX
28:34-35
Plants grow without sunlight (and have better skin!) GE 1:12, 16
Poisonous plants such as hemlock, buckeye pod, nightshade, oleander are
given to us by God and are good to eat (especially when having the in-laws
over -- thank you Lord for that recipe!) GE 1:29
You will lose all physical strength if your beautician cuts off too much of
your hair! (One more reason to not trust your coif to heterosexuals, girls!)
JG 16:17-22
You can injure your hip if you engage in wrestling with God. (Well, duh!) GE
32:24-30
Saved people can drink poison and it won't harm them! (So, throw away those
childproof locks and safety caps, Christian mothers and show how much you
believe God's word! Praise the Lord!) MK 16:17-18
The human heart is where thoughts occur. The kidneys ("reins") are where a
surgeon should look if he is trying to find your conscience! (Which is why
Mrs. Patsy Ramsey is currently looking for an Igloo cooler with a kidney in
it.) ES 6:6, JB 19:27, PS 7:9, 16:7, 73:21, PR 23:7, 16, IS 10:7, JE 11:20,
17:10, 20:12, MT 9:4, LK 2:19, 9:47, AC 8:22, RO 10:9-10, HE 4:12, RE 2:23
There is no need to ever take any prescription drug or go to a doctor
because both physical and mental illness are caused by demon possession and
can be cured by exorcism (God's very own HMO!). MT 4:23-24, 9:32-33, 12:22,
17:14-18, MK 1:23-26, 32-34, 5:2-16, 9:17-29, 16:9, LK 11:14, 4:33-35, 8:2,
27-36, 9:38-42, AC 8:7, 16:16-18
from http://www.bettybowers.com/crime.html
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