My St. Patrick's Joke
RICLAND
Patrick's Day
The Bush Administration believes it's getting to closer to catching
Osama bin Laden.
Yesterday, cleanup workers at the St Patrick Day parade, found a cup of
green beer with Osama's fingerprints on it.
ricland
Bud
Sucks.
> ricland
RICLAND
How about this then:
St Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland and for this the Irish
love him because now when they get drunk all they see are pink elephants.
ricland
Bud
Not any better. Heres a few Irish Jokes from my 1936 Joke book...
One day, when Pat and Mike were working on an excavation for the
subway, Mike`s feet slipped, and in he fell, a matter of some twenty
feet. Pat, trembling, stared over the edge into the muck below. "Air
ye dead, Mike?" asked Pat. "Sure", answered Mike "I`m kilt entirely."
"Air you sure really dead?" asked Pat. To which Mike replied "Maybe I
ain`t quite dead, but I`m knocked speechless for sure."
Two Irishmen agreed to fight a duel with pistols. One of them was
distinctly stout, and when he saw his lean adversary facing him,
raised an objection. "BeDad, I`m twice as big a target as he is, so I
aught to stand twice as far away from him as he is from me." "Be aisy
now" replied his second "I`ll soon put that aright." Taking a piece of
chalk from his pocket, he drew too straight lines down the stout man`s
coat, leaving a space between them. "Now", he said, turning to the
other man "fire away, and remember, that any hits outside the chalk
lines don`t count"
A man, accused of murder, bribed an Irishman on the jury to oppose
the death penalty, and hold out for a verdict of manslaughter. The
jury were out a long time, and finally came in with a verdict of
manslaughter. The man rushed up to the Irishman, and whispered "I`m
tremendously obliged. Did you have a hard time of it?" "The divil`s
own time, me lad" replied the Irishman, "The other eleven all wanted
to acquit you."
An Irishman approached the foreman on a jobsite, and asked for a
job. The foreman replied "I could use another man. I`ll pay you what
you`re worth." To which the Irishman replied "I`ll not work for that."
PETER: At phwat age wuz yer mither married, Jawn? JOHN: At
fourteen PETER: Oi can bate thot. My mither wuz married at thirteen
MIKE: Faith, Oi kin bate youse both. My mither was married before I
wuz bawrn.
Pat was sent by his employer to take charge of an Italian
funeral, since the dead man had been a member of the employer`s
construction crew. After observing the ceremonies, Pat came back to
make his report. "Faith, boss, `tis a curious custom thim eye-talians
have, of putting a twenty dollar gold piece in the hand of the corpse
before burying him" "Thats an old superstition, Pat--- it`s to pay the
old man`s way across the River Jordon." said the boss. "Well, said Pat
slowly "I hope that Wop can swim, `cause I got the twenty in me
pocket."
And, for Tom Lowry, a jewish joke....
A jew was walking down the road when he was set upon by two
highwaymen. After a furious struggle of more than an hour, they were
able to wrest the money the jew had away from him. "Do you believe he
put up such a terrific fight for only a nickle" asked the first thug.
"Thank God he didn`t have a dime, or he`d have killed us" replied the
second.
Ah, it was a much simpiler time in the thirties, when you could
trash a whole people. There is a whole chapter in this jokebook
devoted to negro jokes, most revolving around the stealing of chickens.
Papa Andy
Toy potatoes
A
RICLAND
> RICLAND wrote:
>> Bud wrote:
>>> RICLAND wrote:
>>>> I wrote this joke for St Patrick's day: (to be told the day after St.
>>>> Patrick's Day
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> The Bush Administration believes it's getting to closer to catching
>>>> Osama bin Laden.
>>>>
>>>> Yesterday, cleanup workers at the St Patrick Day parade, found a cup of
>>>> green beer with Osama's fingerprints on it.
>>> Sucks.
>>>
>>>> ricland
>>
>> How about this then:
>>
>> St Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland and for this the Irish
>> love him because now when they get drunk all they see are pink elephants.
>>
>>
>> ricland
>
> Not any better. Heres a few Irish Jokes from my 1936 Joke book...
>
> Ah, it was a much simpiler time in the thirties, when you could
> trash a whole people. There is a whole chapter in this jokebook
> devoted to negro jokes, most revolving around the stealing of chickens.
>
I think you miss the point of the exercise, Bud.
Here's a clue: Let's see write your own joke.
ricland
RICLAND
Here, I'll write one off that:
What do all Irish kids want for Christmas?
Baby pink elephants
ricland
Bud
Ah, sorry, I didn`t realize you were handing out assignments. I
think you miss the point of humor, though. It`s supposed to be funny.
> Here's a clue: Let's see write your own joke.
Ok. An Irishman and a conspiracy kook were sitting on a park
bench. The Irishman says "Right, I`m off for a drink." The CT says
"Watch the government doesn`t put poison in it." To which the Irishman
replies "What the fook is wrong wid ya, ya fooking nut!" and clubs the
kook with his shillelagh. Stunned and bleeding, the kook mutters "CIA,
obviously".
> ricland