Re: SUICIDE AND HELL ISSUE
St. Jackanapes
In alt.flame.jesus.christ, Father Haskell said...
> On Mar 25, 1:34 am, St. Jackanapes <larry_jackow...@hotmail.com>
> wrote:
> > In alt.flame.jesus.christ, dAn FuCkiNG cARteR said...
> >
> > > damnit people have stopped posting on this thread.. lol this shit made
> > > me laugh hehe you guys gotta think of somthing crude, unrigheous and
> > > un called for, and vulgar, to say about jesus the christ haha.
> >
> > When they nailed up Jesus on the cross at Golgotha, he whined and cried,
> > and his family wined and cried. Then the criminal died. His family
> > wasn't allowed to have the body, to set an example to other who might
> > think of leading a gang of homosexual con men. Con men who went around
> > the countryside, taking the money of the gullible.
> >
> > As Jesus hung from his lumber rack, the feral hounds of Golgotha could
> > smell the first hints of rotting flesh. The Roman who'd been ordered to
> > stand guard over the corpse, kept the hounds at bay, lest they jump up
> > and grab a toe, and begin pulling the rotting hulk from his holder.
> >
> > After a day and spooky night standing in the heat and stink of Golgotha,
> > the Roman guard slipped off to the pub to ease his thirst and mind. The
> > feral graveyard dogs took this chance to get a good meal. They leapt and
> > leapt at the dangling Jew, finally pulling down a piece of leg up to the
> > knee socket. There was a bloody battle as the hungry dogs fought over
> > the prize.
> >
> > The carcass had rotted enough that with just enough grip the dogs could
> > pull the putrid mess free from it's nails. They tried and tried the
> > entire afternoon, the Roman guard was passed out in the pub and would
> > not be back any time soon. Finally the dogs brought the entire mess down
> > to the ground, and had a raucous feast.
> >
> > The dogs, bellies fat with Jew meat, lazed about the empty cross,
> > happily dreaming about their recent feast. After a while, the dogs had
> > digested the son of god, and awoke from their slumber. After many yawns
> > and a long scratching session, the leader of the pack sauntered over and
> > took a big crap on the walkway in front of the former cross of Jesus.
> >
> > The huge pile steamed in the heat, attracting flies from all around.
> > Just then, a Roman Centurion walked up to check on his absent soldier,
> > and stepped his foot right into the steaming pile of carpenter. Looking
> > up at the name on the cross, the Centurion yelled, "JESUS FUCKING
> > CHRIST!" - starting a long tradition of misuse of the name. The missing
> > corpse started it's own myth...and the dogs could care less.
>
> Thus beginning two of Easter's most cherished traditions, the
> traditional
> ham and the traditional chocolate eggs. Over the many hundreds of
> years,
> of course, the Feral Easter Hound has been replaced with the Feral
> Easter
> Bunny, and the basket full of carrion has been replaced with the
> basket
> full of candy, but otherwise, the story remains the same.
It just warms the heart, doesn't it?
--
St. Jackanapes of Usenet ~ Bearer of The One True Liver ~
An Ordained Minister & Holy Saint of The Universal Life Church
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MY SHITTY WEBSITE: http://www.jackanapes.ws
MOCK JESUS FORUM: http://www.voy.com/20630/
"Well, how would you like to have someone come along and pick
something off of you?" - Apple Tree - The Wizard of Oz
Father Haskell
On tonight's Mythbusters, Adam and Jamie test whether a slab of meat
will remain
hanging after 3 days in the hot desert sun without attracting
scavengers.
St. Jackanapes
Gee, do you think that they'll bring along James Cameron? Maybe he can
find us an ossuary or two. I'll bring along my engraving pen.
--
St. Jackanapes of Usenet ~ Bearer of The One True Liver ~
Ordained Minister & Holy Saint of The Universal Life Church
John "Melchizedek & Free Gift" Loiodice: SPNAKED! Wed, 28 Mar 2007
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WEBSITE:http://www.jackanapes.ws FORUM:http://www.voy.com/20630/
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"I'm one tough gazookas that hates all palookas
~ that ain't on the up and square.
I biffs 'em and buffs 'em and always out-roughs 'em
~ and none of 'em gets nowhere.
So keep good behavior, it's your one lifesaver,
~ with Popeye the Sailor Man." - Popeye - God of the 7 Seas
Father Haskell
Soft limestone. Easily inscribed with an old 16 penny nail. Try
something like "John Loiodice blows dead wombats."
St. Jackanapes
That'll be hard to translate wombat into Aramaic, but I'll figure
something out.
BoliviaMan
"Father Haskell" <father...@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1175242775....@y66g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...
> blows dead wombats."
>
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BoliviaMan
"St. Jackanapes" <larry_j...@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:qfa7g.d...@news.alt.net...
>
> That'll be hard to translate wombat into Aramaic, but I'll figure
> something out.
Posted Via Usenet.com Premium Usenet Newsgroup Services
jkljzuchowski
"BoliviaMan" <m...@bolivia.com> schreef in bericht
news:11752813...@sp6iad.superfeed.net...
>
> "Father Haskell" <father...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:1175242775....@y66g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...
>> On Mar 30, 4:05 am, St. Jackanapes <larry_jackow...@hotmail.com>
>> wrote:
at the bright side at least evil Min is away
jan