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The Amazing Spider-Man 2: The Amazing Spoiler-FAQ
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Ubiquitous
May 13, 2014, 4:18:28 AM5/13/14
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Having trouble figuring out the insane plot of the hot mess that was The
Amazing Spider-Man 2? No worries. Our patented Spoiler FAQ is here to
help decipher what the hell happened in all those weird, awkward scenes
where Spidey wasn't fighting people. Spoilers ahead, obviously!
What is The Amazing Spider-Man 2 about?
It's about a man gifted with extraordinary powers who, through hard work
and perseverance, finally manages to get his girlfriend killed.
What?
Lots of things happen in the movie � rarely with any kind of coherence
or justification � but as far as I can tell the movie is specifically
about Peter Parker, who 1) knows his relationship with Gwen puts her in
danger and 2) promised Gwen's father, who Spider-Man also effectively
got killed in the first movie, that he'd leave Gwen the hell alone, but
keeps renewing their relationship until finally she's caught in the
metaphorical crossfire of one of his battles and dies. To be fair, Gwen
is also pretty set on getting herself killed.
But what about all the villains in the film?
Oh, they show up. They fight Spider-Man and star in some pretty great
action scenes, but everything about the villains is completely random.
It's impossible to get invested in their story because their motivation
is so stupid. Let me put it this way: Paul Giamatti's Rhino, sans Rhino
suit, is the first bad guy who shows up and his brilliant plan is this:
To hijack an Oscorp truck carrying radioactive TMNT mutagen in the
middle of the day in the middle of Manhattan, while somehow escaping the
50 cops cars chasing after him and his crew.
And?
Well, Electro and Harry Osborn/Green Goblin make Rhino look like
Napoleon.
How is that?
First, Electro. If you've seen the trailers, you know the deal: Jamie
Foxx is Max Dillon, a helpless shlub who works at Oscorp; one day
Spider-Man saves him and he instantly becomes both obsessed with Spidey
and completely unhinged, and then when he transforms into Electro � and
I'll get to that in a second � Spider-Man says the cops won't shoot him
and a cop shoots Electro and Max somehow blames Spider-Man and turns
evil.
So Electro's whole vendetta against Spider-Man is because one cop that
Spider-Man couldn't possibly have been in contact with or stopped fired
a bullet that didn't even hurt Electro because he's made of electricity?
Yes.
Ugh. What about Green Goblin's origin?
Well, technically Harry Osborn has a decent motivation to hate
Spider-Man, but Spider-Man's reason for giving Goblin that motivation is
completely bizarre. It all starts with Harry's dad Norman.
Norman Osborn is in the film?
Yes, briefly. It turns out he has some crazy neurogenetic disease that's
killing him and all his crazy research and the radioactive spiders that
Peter's dad was working on and all the other crazy shit going on at
Oscorp was because he was trying to find a cure. Oh, and also make
biologically weaponized soldiers for the government, because he's evil,
obviously. Anyways, Harry returns to watch his dad bite it.
Where has Harry been?
Norman shipped him off to boarding school at the age of 10 because he
was some kind of massive disappointment� at 10 years old? And Norman is
also pissed that Harry left even though Norman was the one who sent him
away? It's a lot of shitty dad clich�s at once. That said, despite Harry
being a complete failure unworthy of his father's love, Norman gives him
complete control of Oscorp.
Okay� but that's good, right?
Well, yes and no. Yes because Harry has access to all his father's crazy
secret projects � which, by the way, is literally in a folder titled
"Secret Projects" � and no because that neurogenetic disease that his
father succumbed to at the age of 50-something decides this is the week
to put it into high gear and start giving Harry big neck zits. I should
note that the movie doesn't acknowledge the disease's inexplicably rapid
spread in Harry, Harry just decides he needs the cure in the next three
days or it's all over.
What's the cure?
Well, it's either Spider-Man's blood or the venom of the radioactive
spiders from the first movie. Since the spiders and all animal-hybrid
test subjects were all supposedly destroyed after the Lizard fiasco,
Harry asks Peter to ask Spider-Man for some blood to save his life,
since Peter once took a photo of Spider-Man and must obviously have him
on speed dial.
But aren't Peter and Harry friends? Why doesn't Peter just give him the
blood?
Well, it's complicated. First of all, they were friends when they were
10, and then Harry got sent away, and came back a decade later and then
suddenly they're BFFs, and then Harry tells Peter he needs Spider-Man's
blood and Peter gets all weird about it.
But why does he get weird about it?
Peter's afraid it will kill Harry.
Harry is already dying.
A good point. One Harry makes, actually. But Peter's also worried it may
have� other effects.
So? Doesn't Harry have a massive science corporation that would
presumably test the blood? I mean, Harry's not planning on just drinking
it or something, is he?
Actually, I think both Harry and Peter manage to forget about Oscorp and
the scientific minds and technology that could be used to identity
potentially harmful side effects before Harry ingests the blood, which
is kind of impressive because Harry and Spider-Man actually have this
conversation inside Oscorp itself.
Then how does Harry become the Goblin?
Because of course Oscorp kept some of the spider venom in the "Secret
Projects" basement. Harry finds it, instantly injects himself with it
despite the fact that no one has any clue what it does and even though
had the spider-venom worked perhaps Harry's dad would have taken it and
not died earlier in the movie and despite the fact that Harry should, by
all accounts, have at least 30 more years before the disease kills him
so there's no rush whatsoever. The disease transforms him into the
weirdo you've seen already, and at the exact same moment the
transformation is complete a random door opens up in the same room
Harry's in, containing the new Goblin armor.
What?
Yes. They keep the radioactive spider venom and the Goblin suit and all
the other tech that will eventually outfit the Sinister Six down in the
basement. And there's apparently come kind of special protocol where if
someone injects themselves with radioactive spider venom, the door to
the Goblin armor unlocks.
That's kind of dumb.
Unfortunately, that's what a large part of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is �
dumb, inexplicable coincidences.
Can I ask you about a random assortment of these bizarre coincidences
individually?
You certainly may!
Why did Peter Parker's dad hide subway tokens in his calculator? Even if
they were some special "get into the secret" lab coins, isn't sticking
them in a calculator infinitely more suspicious than if he just carried
them in his pocket like a normal person?
Probably.
How the hell did Peter's dad get a special lab in an abandoned NYC
subway station? It couldn't have been through Oscorp because then Osborn
would have had it ransacked looking for the research. And if you're
making a hidden lab in an abandoned subway station, why on earth would
you bother to make it look like a subway car? Especially when anyone
with a view of any of the windows � the windows, by god � can see it's
full of science shit?
Peter's dad was a weird dude.
Why did Peter's dad upload his confession video exposing Osborn's
nefarious plan to his secret lab, the one place that technically no one
else on the planet knew existed, thus ensuring that unless his
20-year-old son threw his calculator against the wall, exposing the
tokens and then putting together his father had a secret lab hidden in
an abandoned subway station, no one would ever possibly have a chance to
watch it?
No idea.
Wouldn't it have made more sense for Peter to have discovered the video
where Peter's dad explains the spider venom makes people without Parker
DNA all crazy before Spidey tells Harry Osborn he can't have his blood,
so that Spider-Man's refusal would be avoid dangerous and known
consequences as opposed to weirdly just refusing to help his friend from
dying?
I'm gonna say yeah.
Why, after being accepted to Oxford, would anyone decide to fly
immediately to England without saying goodbye to her family, friends or
loved ones, dealing with her job at Oscorp or other social engagements,
or even packing?? What kind of crazy person books a flight for later
that afternoon? How much money would that cost?
And how, when Peter hears Gwen's message about heading to the airport
and immediately leaving the country, does he somehow know that she's
still stuck in traffic, where she's stuck in traffic, and how to
position his "I LOVE YOU" so her cabbie can see the message and point it
out to her?
/looks embarrassedly away
If rebooting the power grid was literally just a matter of pushing a
button, did Gwen really need to come "operate" it? To the point where
she decided to apparently steal a cop car?
It's very technical.
Are there any conversations between Peter and Aunt May or Peter and
Harry where everyone doesn't talk like everyone knows Spider-Man's
identity?
Nope.
Why the holy hell is Felicia Hardy, a.k.a. the Black Cat, Harry Osborn's
executive assistant in this movie?
The same reason Gwen Stacy is a high school intern at Oscorp with access
to the highest echelons of the company's files and data. Everyone has to
work as Oscorp. Frankly, I'm surprised Aunt May isn't head of HR or
something yet.
Okay, that was� fun. But the movie can't be all random coincidences, can
it?
No it is not. There are also ridiculously contrived circumstances, such
as the creation of Electro, which features sad-sack Max Dillon being
ordered to fix a giant loose wire in the room where they keep the
man-eating electric eels. This giant, frayed wire is positioned directly
above the tanks containing the man-eating electric eels, and these tanks
are of course completely open on top. Now, of course, Oscorp runs the
entire city's power grids and is a multi-billion dollar corporation with
the strictest safety measures in pace, but whoops, the one guy in charge
of shutting down the electricity for that wire isn't about to let
someone's life get in the way of leaving work at 6pm? And of course,
Max, as a brilliant electrical engineer, decides to stand precariously
over an open tank of man-eating electric eels to grab both ends of the
giant, sparking frayed wires as anyone with his education and experience
would do. The fact that he falls into a giant tank of man-eating
electric eels while holding two ends of a giant live electrical wire is
an outcome no one could have foreseen.
Jesus.
And it was Max's birthday. Obviously.
Obviously. Why did the electric eels need to also eat him?
I have no fucking clue.
Is there anything redeeming about The Amazing Spider-Man 2?
Sure there is! The fights scenes are all great, and Spider-Man in this
go-'round is much funnier and has better quips. Andrew Garfield and Emma
Stone are irritatingly adorable together, and her death scene is done
very well. Honestly, if you can just ignore all the bits where ASM2
pretends its telling some kind of coherent story it's quite fun.
Why does the "scientist" "examining" Electro have a German accent, love
torture, and seemingly sends shocks to a man made out of electricity?
What was the point of the two planes nearly crashing when Spider-Man
literally had no idea it was happening and his saving them at the last
second was completely incidental? How can Gwen cut through Spider-Man's
web with a penknife? Why would Peter believe an FBI agent who told Aunt
May 10 years ago his parents were traitors? Why did they bother to add
B.J. Novak as Alistair Smythe as a mid-level executive dickweed? Why
would the movie decide to have Harry discover his father's "secret
projects" by accidentally dropping the doodad while effectively popping
a giant zit on his neck?
Lazy storytelling, cheap drama, lazy storytelling, cheap drama, why the
fuck not, no fucking clue.
Hey, what happened to the Rhino? What about his armor?
Oh! Well, by the end of the movie, Harry is in a straitjacket in the
insane asylum. Someone mysterious meets with him, and it's clear Harry
has a plan centered around killing Spider-Man involving a group. A
sinister group, one might say. The amount of people in this sinister
group is as yet unknown.
Move it along.
Well, somehow Harry's plan begins by giving one guy the Rhino armor and
letting him loose in NYC with no determinable agenda, and Harry and
Harry's mysterious pal chooses the moron from the beginning of the
movie, because giving someone smart the armor would be� less good than
giving it to an idiot?
Sigh.
That's not the worst part, though! See, earlier in the film, Spidey
rescues a little science project kid from getting beaten up by bullies
ad walks him home and compliments his project. It's actually a sweet
moment, and a really good Spider-Man scene.
Okay�
Well, when the Rhino comes back in his new duds, Peter has quit being
Spider-Man for several months to feel bad about getting his girlfriend
killed. Aunt May has a talk with Peter where she essentially tells him
"The best thing you can do is hide all the things that remind you of
your deceased loved ones in the closet, and try to not think about
them."
The hell?
I don't even know, man. But anyways! So The Rhino is rampaging through
NYC, although he's really just hanging out in one location and shooting
police cars. Now, there are huge crowds watching this from behind police
barricades, because of course when a man in a giant suit of armor with
two huge machine guns on its arms is trying to shooting randomly at
people, everyone would just there stand and watch. Well, that nerdy kid
from before is there on the front line with his mother, and this little
idiot decides to go confront Rhino.
No, seriously � the hell?!
So course the cops manage to restrain the mother from grabbing her kid,
but no member of the police force sees this kid toddle the 30 or so feet
from the barricade to stand directly in front of the Rhino. The kid puts
on his Spidey mask, the Rhino seemingly respects his new-found foe as an
equal, then Spidey shows up and the Rhino kindly lets Spidey and the kid
have a short conversation and fist bump before the two of them finally
battle.
My god.
There are so many bizarre, insane things happening in this scene. It
didn't just break my suspension of disbelief, it shot it gangland
execution-style, and buried it in a shallow grave out in the woods.
Anything else worth mentioning about the movie?
I think Electro might be fucking the movie's soundtrack. Because
whenever he's onscreen the music literally just starts chanting
whatever's in Electro's head, and it's fucking insane. I have to assume
the character and the soundtrack are in some kind of relationship, and
that's why Electro gets this special treatment.
Was The Amazing Spider-Man 2 amazing or not?
Well, if you use amazing without any of its normal positive connotations
� is in, "I was amazed by this movie, both because of the quality of its
action scenes and its ridiculously nonsensical plot," then yeah, it was
pretty amazing.
--
Q: Why is ObamaCare like a turd?
A: You have to pass it to see what's in it.
Amazing Spider-Man 2? No worries. Our patented Spoiler FAQ is here to
help decipher what the hell happened in all those weird, awkward scenes
where Spidey wasn't fighting people. Spoilers ahead, obviously!
What is The Amazing Spider-Man 2 about?
It's about a man gifted with extraordinary powers who, through hard work
and perseverance, finally manages to get his girlfriend killed.
What?
Lots of things happen in the movie � rarely with any kind of coherence
or justification � but as far as I can tell the movie is specifically
about Peter Parker, who 1) knows his relationship with Gwen puts her in
danger and 2) promised Gwen's father, who Spider-Man also effectively
got killed in the first movie, that he'd leave Gwen the hell alone, but
keeps renewing their relationship until finally she's caught in the
metaphorical crossfire of one of his battles and dies. To be fair, Gwen
is also pretty set on getting herself killed.
But what about all the villains in the film?
Oh, they show up. They fight Spider-Man and star in some pretty great
action scenes, but everything about the villains is completely random.
It's impossible to get invested in their story because their motivation
is so stupid. Let me put it this way: Paul Giamatti's Rhino, sans Rhino
suit, is the first bad guy who shows up and his brilliant plan is this:
To hijack an Oscorp truck carrying radioactive TMNT mutagen in the
middle of the day in the middle of Manhattan, while somehow escaping the
50 cops cars chasing after him and his crew.
And?
Well, Electro and Harry Osborn/Green Goblin make Rhino look like
Napoleon.
How is that?
First, Electro. If you've seen the trailers, you know the deal: Jamie
Foxx is Max Dillon, a helpless shlub who works at Oscorp; one day
Spider-Man saves him and he instantly becomes both obsessed with Spidey
and completely unhinged, and then when he transforms into Electro � and
I'll get to that in a second � Spider-Man says the cops won't shoot him
and a cop shoots Electro and Max somehow blames Spider-Man and turns
evil.
So Electro's whole vendetta against Spider-Man is because one cop that
Spider-Man couldn't possibly have been in contact with or stopped fired
a bullet that didn't even hurt Electro because he's made of electricity?
Yes.
Ugh. What about Green Goblin's origin?
Well, technically Harry Osborn has a decent motivation to hate
Spider-Man, but Spider-Man's reason for giving Goblin that motivation is
completely bizarre. It all starts with Harry's dad Norman.
Norman Osborn is in the film?
Yes, briefly. It turns out he has some crazy neurogenetic disease that's
killing him and all his crazy research and the radioactive spiders that
Peter's dad was working on and all the other crazy shit going on at
Oscorp was because he was trying to find a cure. Oh, and also make
biologically weaponized soldiers for the government, because he's evil,
obviously. Anyways, Harry returns to watch his dad bite it.
Where has Harry been?
Norman shipped him off to boarding school at the age of 10 because he
was some kind of massive disappointment� at 10 years old? And Norman is
also pissed that Harry left even though Norman was the one who sent him
away? It's a lot of shitty dad clich�s at once. That said, despite Harry
being a complete failure unworthy of his father's love, Norman gives him
complete control of Oscorp.
Okay� but that's good, right?
Well, yes and no. Yes because Harry has access to all his father's crazy
secret projects � which, by the way, is literally in a folder titled
"Secret Projects" � and no because that neurogenetic disease that his
father succumbed to at the age of 50-something decides this is the week
to put it into high gear and start giving Harry big neck zits. I should
note that the movie doesn't acknowledge the disease's inexplicably rapid
spread in Harry, Harry just decides he needs the cure in the next three
days or it's all over.
What's the cure?
Well, it's either Spider-Man's blood or the venom of the radioactive
spiders from the first movie. Since the spiders and all animal-hybrid
test subjects were all supposedly destroyed after the Lizard fiasco,
Harry asks Peter to ask Spider-Man for some blood to save his life,
since Peter once took a photo of Spider-Man and must obviously have him
on speed dial.
But aren't Peter and Harry friends? Why doesn't Peter just give him the
blood?
Well, it's complicated. First of all, they were friends when they were
10, and then Harry got sent away, and came back a decade later and then
suddenly they're BFFs, and then Harry tells Peter he needs Spider-Man's
blood and Peter gets all weird about it.
But why does he get weird about it?
Peter's afraid it will kill Harry.
Harry is already dying.
A good point. One Harry makes, actually. But Peter's also worried it may
have� other effects.
So? Doesn't Harry have a massive science corporation that would
presumably test the blood? I mean, Harry's not planning on just drinking
it or something, is he?
Actually, I think both Harry and Peter manage to forget about Oscorp and
the scientific minds and technology that could be used to identity
potentially harmful side effects before Harry ingests the blood, which
is kind of impressive because Harry and Spider-Man actually have this
conversation inside Oscorp itself.
Then how does Harry become the Goblin?
Because of course Oscorp kept some of the spider venom in the "Secret
Projects" basement. Harry finds it, instantly injects himself with it
despite the fact that no one has any clue what it does and even though
had the spider-venom worked perhaps Harry's dad would have taken it and
not died earlier in the movie and despite the fact that Harry should, by
all accounts, have at least 30 more years before the disease kills him
so there's no rush whatsoever. The disease transforms him into the
weirdo you've seen already, and at the exact same moment the
transformation is complete a random door opens up in the same room
Harry's in, containing the new Goblin armor.
What?
Yes. They keep the radioactive spider venom and the Goblin suit and all
the other tech that will eventually outfit the Sinister Six down in the
basement. And there's apparently come kind of special protocol where if
someone injects themselves with radioactive spider venom, the door to
the Goblin armor unlocks.
That's kind of dumb.
Unfortunately, that's what a large part of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is �
dumb, inexplicable coincidences.
Can I ask you about a random assortment of these bizarre coincidences
individually?
You certainly may!
Why did Peter Parker's dad hide subway tokens in his calculator? Even if
they were some special "get into the secret" lab coins, isn't sticking
them in a calculator infinitely more suspicious than if he just carried
them in his pocket like a normal person?
Probably.
How the hell did Peter's dad get a special lab in an abandoned NYC
subway station? It couldn't have been through Oscorp because then Osborn
would have had it ransacked looking for the research. And if you're
making a hidden lab in an abandoned subway station, why on earth would
you bother to make it look like a subway car? Especially when anyone
with a view of any of the windows � the windows, by god � can see it's
full of science shit?
Peter's dad was a weird dude.
Why did Peter's dad upload his confession video exposing Osborn's
nefarious plan to his secret lab, the one place that technically no one
else on the planet knew existed, thus ensuring that unless his
20-year-old son threw his calculator against the wall, exposing the
tokens and then putting together his father had a secret lab hidden in
an abandoned subway station, no one would ever possibly have a chance to
watch it?
No idea.
Wouldn't it have made more sense for Peter to have discovered the video
where Peter's dad explains the spider venom makes people without Parker
DNA all crazy before Spidey tells Harry Osborn he can't have his blood,
so that Spider-Man's refusal would be avoid dangerous and known
consequences as opposed to weirdly just refusing to help his friend from
dying?
I'm gonna say yeah.
Why, after being accepted to Oxford, would anyone decide to fly
immediately to England without saying goodbye to her family, friends or
loved ones, dealing with her job at Oscorp or other social engagements,
or even packing?? What kind of crazy person books a flight for later
that afternoon? How much money would that cost?
And how, when Peter hears Gwen's message about heading to the airport
and immediately leaving the country, does he somehow know that she's
still stuck in traffic, where she's stuck in traffic, and how to
position his "I LOVE YOU" so her cabbie can see the message and point it
out to her?
/looks embarrassedly away
If rebooting the power grid was literally just a matter of pushing a
button, did Gwen really need to come "operate" it? To the point where
she decided to apparently steal a cop car?
It's very technical.
Are there any conversations between Peter and Aunt May or Peter and
Harry where everyone doesn't talk like everyone knows Spider-Man's
identity?
Nope.
Why the holy hell is Felicia Hardy, a.k.a. the Black Cat, Harry Osborn's
executive assistant in this movie?
The same reason Gwen Stacy is a high school intern at Oscorp with access
to the highest echelons of the company's files and data. Everyone has to
work as Oscorp. Frankly, I'm surprised Aunt May isn't head of HR or
something yet.
Okay, that was� fun. But the movie can't be all random coincidences, can
it?
No it is not. There are also ridiculously contrived circumstances, such
as the creation of Electro, which features sad-sack Max Dillon being
ordered to fix a giant loose wire in the room where they keep the
man-eating electric eels. This giant, frayed wire is positioned directly
above the tanks containing the man-eating electric eels, and these tanks
are of course completely open on top. Now, of course, Oscorp runs the
entire city's power grids and is a multi-billion dollar corporation with
the strictest safety measures in pace, but whoops, the one guy in charge
of shutting down the electricity for that wire isn't about to let
someone's life get in the way of leaving work at 6pm? And of course,
Max, as a brilliant electrical engineer, decides to stand precariously
over an open tank of man-eating electric eels to grab both ends of the
giant, sparking frayed wires as anyone with his education and experience
would do. The fact that he falls into a giant tank of man-eating
electric eels while holding two ends of a giant live electrical wire is
an outcome no one could have foreseen.
Jesus.
And it was Max's birthday. Obviously.
Obviously. Why did the electric eels need to also eat him?
I have no fucking clue.
Is there anything redeeming about The Amazing Spider-Man 2?
Sure there is! The fights scenes are all great, and Spider-Man in this
go-'round is much funnier and has better quips. Andrew Garfield and Emma
Stone are irritatingly adorable together, and her death scene is done
very well. Honestly, if you can just ignore all the bits where ASM2
pretends its telling some kind of coherent story it's quite fun.
Why does the "scientist" "examining" Electro have a German accent, love
torture, and seemingly sends shocks to a man made out of electricity?
What was the point of the two planes nearly crashing when Spider-Man
literally had no idea it was happening and his saving them at the last
second was completely incidental? How can Gwen cut through Spider-Man's
web with a penknife? Why would Peter believe an FBI agent who told Aunt
May 10 years ago his parents were traitors? Why did they bother to add
B.J. Novak as Alistair Smythe as a mid-level executive dickweed? Why
would the movie decide to have Harry discover his father's "secret
projects" by accidentally dropping the doodad while effectively popping
a giant zit on his neck?
Lazy storytelling, cheap drama, lazy storytelling, cheap drama, why the
fuck not, no fucking clue.
Hey, what happened to the Rhino? What about his armor?
Oh! Well, by the end of the movie, Harry is in a straitjacket in the
insane asylum. Someone mysterious meets with him, and it's clear Harry
has a plan centered around killing Spider-Man involving a group. A
sinister group, one might say. The amount of people in this sinister
group is as yet unknown.
Move it along.
Well, somehow Harry's plan begins by giving one guy the Rhino armor and
letting him loose in NYC with no determinable agenda, and Harry and
Harry's mysterious pal chooses the moron from the beginning of the
movie, because giving someone smart the armor would be� less good than
giving it to an idiot?
Sigh.
That's not the worst part, though! See, earlier in the film, Spidey
rescues a little science project kid from getting beaten up by bullies
ad walks him home and compliments his project. It's actually a sweet
moment, and a really good Spider-Man scene.
Okay�
Well, when the Rhino comes back in his new duds, Peter has quit being
Spider-Man for several months to feel bad about getting his girlfriend
killed. Aunt May has a talk with Peter where she essentially tells him
"The best thing you can do is hide all the things that remind you of
your deceased loved ones in the closet, and try to not think about
them."
The hell?
I don't even know, man. But anyways! So The Rhino is rampaging through
NYC, although he's really just hanging out in one location and shooting
police cars. Now, there are huge crowds watching this from behind police
barricades, because of course when a man in a giant suit of armor with
two huge machine guns on its arms is trying to shooting randomly at
people, everyone would just there stand and watch. Well, that nerdy kid
from before is there on the front line with his mother, and this little
idiot decides to go confront Rhino.
No, seriously � the hell?!
So course the cops manage to restrain the mother from grabbing her kid,
but no member of the police force sees this kid toddle the 30 or so feet
from the barricade to stand directly in front of the Rhino. The kid puts
on his Spidey mask, the Rhino seemingly respects his new-found foe as an
equal, then Spidey shows up and the Rhino kindly lets Spidey and the kid
have a short conversation and fist bump before the two of them finally
battle.
My god.
There are so many bizarre, insane things happening in this scene. It
didn't just break my suspension of disbelief, it shot it gangland
execution-style, and buried it in a shallow grave out in the woods.
Anything else worth mentioning about the movie?
I think Electro might be fucking the movie's soundtrack. Because
whenever he's onscreen the music literally just starts chanting
whatever's in Electro's head, and it's fucking insane. I have to assume
the character and the soundtrack are in some kind of relationship, and
that's why Electro gets this special treatment.
Was The Amazing Spider-Man 2 amazing or not?
Well, if you use amazing without any of its normal positive connotations
� is in, "I was amazed by this movie, both because of the quality of its
action scenes and its ridiculously nonsensical plot," then yeah, it was
pretty amazing.
--
Q: Why is ObamaCare like a turd?
A: You have to pass it to see what's in it.
FSogol
May 13, 2014, 8:12:21 AM5/13/14
to
On 5/13/2014 4:18 AM, Ubiquitous wrote:
> Having trouble figuring out the insane plot of the hot mess that was The
> Amazing Spider-Man 2? No worries. Our patented Spoiler FAQ is here to
> help decipher what the hell happened in all those weird, awkward scenes
> where Spidey wasn't fighting people. Spoilers ahead, obviously!
>
> What is The Amazing Spider-Man 2 about?
>
> It's about a man gifted with extraordinary powers who, through hard work
> and perseverance, finally manages to get his girlfriend killed.
>
> What?
>
> Lots of things happen in the movie � rarely with any kind of coherence
> Having trouble figuring out the insane plot of the hot mess that was The
> Amazing Spider-Man 2? No worries. Our patented Spoiler FAQ is here to
> help decipher what the hell happened in all those weird, awkward scenes
> where Spidey wasn't fighting people. Spoilers ahead, obviously!
>
> What is The Amazing Spider-Man 2 about?
>
> It's about a man gifted with extraordinary powers who, through hard work
> and perseverance, finally manages to get his girlfriend killed.
>
> What?
>
> or justification � but as far as I can tell the movie is specifically
> about Peter Parker, who 1) knows his relationship with Gwen puts her in
> danger and 2) promised Gwen's father, who Spider-Man also effectively
> got killed in the first movie, that he'd leave Gwen the hell alone, but
> keeps renewing their relationship until finally she's caught in the
> metaphorical crossfire of one of his battles and dies. To be fair, Gwen
> is also pretty set on getting herself killed.
>
> But what about all the villains in the film?
>
> Oh, they show up. They fight Spider-Man and star in some pretty great
> action scenes, but everything about the villains is completely random.
> It's impossible to get invested in their story because their motivation
> is so stupid. Let me put it this way: Paul Giamatti's Rhino, sans Rhino
> suit, is the first bad guy who shows up and his brilliant plan is this:
> To hijack an Oscorp truck carrying radioactive TMNT mutagen in the
> middle of the day in the middle of Manhattan, while somehow escaping the
> 50 cops cars chasing after him and his crew.
>
> And?
>
> Well, Electro and Harry Osborn/Green Goblin make Rhino look like
> Napoleon.
>
> How is that?
>
> First, Electro. If you've seen the trailers, you know the deal: Jamie
> Foxx is Max Dillon, a helpless shlub who works at Oscorp; one day
> Spider-Man saves him and he instantly becomes both obsessed with Spidey
> and completely unhinged, and then when he transforms into Electro � and
> danger and 2) promised Gwen's father, who Spider-Man also effectively
> got killed in the first movie, that he'd leave Gwen the hell alone, but
> keeps renewing their relationship until finally she's caught in the
> metaphorical crossfire of one of his battles and dies. To be fair, Gwen
> is also pretty set on getting herself killed.
>
> But what about all the villains in the film?
>
> Oh, they show up. They fight Spider-Man and star in some pretty great
> action scenes, but everything about the villains is completely random.
> It's impossible to get invested in their story because their motivation
> is so stupid. Let me put it this way: Paul Giamatti's Rhino, sans Rhino
> suit, is the first bad guy who shows up and his brilliant plan is this:
> To hijack an Oscorp truck carrying radioactive TMNT mutagen in the
> middle of the day in the middle of Manhattan, while somehow escaping the
> 50 cops cars chasing after him and his crew.
>
> And?
>
> Well, Electro and Harry Osborn/Green Goblin make Rhino look like
> Napoleon.
>
> How is that?
>
> First, Electro. If you've seen the trailers, you know the deal: Jamie
> Foxx is Max Dillon, a helpless shlub who works at Oscorp; one day
> Spider-Man saves him and he instantly becomes both obsessed with Spidey
> I'll get to that in a second � Spider-Man says the cops won't shoot him
> and a cop shoots Electro and Max somehow blames Spider-Man and turns
> evil.
>
> So Electro's whole vendetta against Spider-Man is because one cop that
> Spider-Man couldn't possibly have been in contact with or stopped fired
> a bullet that didn't even hurt Electro because he's made of electricity?
>
> Yes.
>
> Ugh. What about Green Goblin's origin?
>
> Well, technically Harry Osborn has a decent motivation to hate
> Spider-Man, but Spider-Man's reason for giving Goblin that motivation is
> completely bizarre. It all starts with Harry's dad Norman.
>
> Norman Osborn is in the film?
>
> Yes, briefly. It turns out he has some crazy neurogenetic disease that's
> killing him and all his crazy research and the radioactive spiders that
> Peter's dad was working on and all the other crazy shit going on at
> Oscorp was because he was trying to find a cure. Oh, and also make
> biologically weaponized soldiers for the government, because he's evil,
> obviously. Anyways, Harry returns to watch his dad bite it.
>
> Where has Harry been?
>
> Norman shipped him off to boarding school at the age of 10 because he
> was some kind of massive disappointment� at 10 years old? And Norman is
> evil.
>
> So Electro's whole vendetta against Spider-Man is because one cop that
> Spider-Man couldn't possibly have been in contact with or stopped fired
> a bullet that didn't even hurt Electro because he's made of electricity?
>
> Yes.
>
> Ugh. What about Green Goblin's origin?
>
> Well, technically Harry Osborn has a decent motivation to hate
> Spider-Man, but Spider-Man's reason for giving Goblin that motivation is
> completely bizarre. It all starts with Harry's dad Norman.
>
> Norman Osborn is in the film?
>
> Yes, briefly. It turns out he has some crazy neurogenetic disease that's
> killing him and all his crazy research and the radioactive spiders that
> Peter's dad was working on and all the other crazy shit going on at
> Oscorp was because he was trying to find a cure. Oh, and also make
> biologically weaponized soldiers for the government, because he's evil,
> obviously. Anyways, Harry returns to watch his dad bite it.
>
> Where has Harry been?
>
> Norman shipped him off to boarding school at the age of 10 because he
> also pissed that Harry left even though Norman was the one who sent him
> away? It's a lot of shitty dad clich�s at once. That said, despite Harry
> being a complete failure unworthy of his father's love, Norman gives him
> complete control of Oscorp.
>
> Okay� but that's good, right?
> complete control of Oscorp.
>
>
> Well, yes and no. Yes because Harry has access to all his father's crazy
> secret projects � which, by the way, is literally in a folder titled
> Well, yes and no. Yes because Harry has access to all his father's crazy
> "Secret Projects" � and no because that neurogenetic disease that his
> father succumbed to at the age of 50-something decides this is the week
> to put it into high gear and start giving Harry big neck zits. I should
> note that the movie doesn't acknowledge the disease's inexplicably rapid
> spread in Harry, Harry just decides he needs the cure in the next three
> days or it's all over.
>
> What's the cure?
>
> Well, it's either Spider-Man's blood or the venom of the radioactive
> spiders from the first movie. Since the spiders and all animal-hybrid
> test subjects were all supposedly destroyed after the Lizard fiasco,
> Harry asks Peter to ask Spider-Man for some blood to save his life,
> since Peter once took a photo of Spider-Man and must obviously have him
> on speed dial.
>
> But aren't Peter and Harry friends? Why doesn't Peter just give him the
> blood?
>
> Well, it's complicated. First of all, they were friends when they were
> 10, and then Harry got sent away, and came back a decade later and then
> suddenly they're BFFs, and then Harry tells Peter he needs Spider-Man's
> blood and Peter gets all weird about it.
>
> But why does he get weird about it?
>
> Peter's afraid it will kill Harry.
>
> Harry is already dying.
>
> A good point. One Harry makes, actually. But Peter's also worried it may
> have� other effects.
> to put it into high gear and start giving Harry big neck zits. I should
> note that the movie doesn't acknowledge the disease's inexplicably rapid
> spread in Harry, Harry just decides he needs the cure in the next three
> days or it's all over.
>
> What's the cure?
>
> Well, it's either Spider-Man's blood or the venom of the radioactive
> spiders from the first movie. Since the spiders and all animal-hybrid
> test subjects were all supposedly destroyed after the Lizard fiasco,
> Harry asks Peter to ask Spider-Man for some blood to save his life,
> since Peter once took a photo of Spider-Man and must obviously have him
> on speed dial.
>
> But aren't Peter and Harry friends? Why doesn't Peter just give him the
> blood?
>
> Well, it's complicated. First of all, they were friends when they were
> 10, and then Harry got sent away, and came back a decade later and then
> suddenly they're BFFs, and then Harry tells Peter he needs Spider-Man's
> blood and Peter gets all weird about it.
>
> But why does he get weird about it?
>
> Peter's afraid it will kill Harry.
>
> Harry is already dying.
>
> A good point. One Harry makes, actually. But Peter's also worried it may
> dumb, inexplicable coincidences.
>
> Can I ask you about a random assortment of these bizarre coincidences
> individually?
>
> You certainly may!
>
> Why did Peter Parker's dad hide subway tokens in his calculator? Even if
> they were some special "get into the secret" lab coins, isn't sticking
> them in a calculator infinitely more suspicious than if he just carried
> them in his pocket like a normal person?
>
> Probably.
>
> How the hell did Peter's dad get a special lab in an abandoned NYC
> subway station? It couldn't have been through Oscorp because then Osborn
> would have had it ransacked looking for the research. And if you're
> making a hidden lab in an abandoned subway station, why on earth would
> you bother to make it look like a subway car? Especially when anyone
> with a view of any of the windows � the windows, by god � can see it's
>
> Can I ask you about a random assortment of these bizarre coincidences
> individually?
>
> You certainly may!
>
> Why did Peter Parker's dad hide subway tokens in his calculator? Even if
> they were some special "get into the secret" lab coins, isn't sticking
> them in a calculator infinitely more suspicious than if he just carried
> them in his pocket like a normal person?
>
> Probably.
>
> How the hell did Peter's dad get a special lab in an abandoned NYC
> subway station? It couldn't have been through Oscorp because then Osborn
> would have had it ransacked looking for the research. And if you're
> making a hidden lab in an abandoned subway station, why on earth would
> you bother to make it look like a subway car? Especially when anyone
> giving it to an idiot?
>
> Sigh.
>
> That's not the worst part, though! See, earlier in the film, Spidey
> rescues a little science project kid from getting beaten up by bullies
> ad walks him home and compliments his project. It's actually a sweet
> moment, and a really good Spider-Man scene.
>
> Okay�
>
> Sigh.
>
> That's not the worst part, though! See, earlier in the film, Spidey
> rescues a little science project kid from getting beaten up by bullies
> ad walks him home and compliments his project. It's actually a sweet
> moment, and a really good Spider-Man scene.
>
>
> Well, when the Rhino comes back in his new duds, Peter has quit being
> Spider-Man for several months to feel bad about getting his girlfriend
> killed. Aunt May has a talk with Peter where she essentially tells him
> "The best thing you can do is hide all the things that remind you of
> your deceased loved ones in the closet, and try to not think about
> them."
>
> The hell?
>
> I don't even know, man. But anyways! So The Rhino is rampaging through
> NYC, although he's really just hanging out in one location and shooting
> police cars. Now, there are huge crowds watching this from behind police
> barricades, because of course when a man in a giant suit of armor with
> two huge machine guns on its arms is trying to shooting randomly at
> people, everyone would just there stand and watch. Well, that nerdy kid
> from before is there on the front line with his mother, and this little
> idiot decides to go confront Rhino.
>
> No, seriously � the hell?!
> Well, when the Rhino comes back in his new duds, Peter has quit being
> Spider-Man for several months to feel bad about getting his girlfriend
> killed. Aunt May has a talk with Peter where she essentially tells him
> "The best thing you can do is hide all the things that remind you of
> your deceased loved ones in the closet, and try to not think about
> them."
>
> The hell?
>
> I don't even know, man. But anyways! So The Rhino is rampaging through
> NYC, although he's really just hanging out in one location and shooting
> police cars. Now, there are huge crowds watching this from behind police
> barricades, because of course when a man in a giant suit of armor with
> two huge machine guns on its arms is trying to shooting randomly at
> people, everyone would just there stand and watch. Well, that nerdy kid
> from before is there on the front line with his mother, and this little
> idiot decides to go confront Rhino.
>
>
> So course the cops manage to restrain the mother from grabbing her kid,
> but no member of the police force sees this kid toddle the 30 or so feet
> from the barricade to stand directly in front of the Rhino. The kid puts
> on his Spidey mask, the Rhino seemingly respects his new-found foe as an
> equal, then Spidey shows up and the Rhino kindly lets Spidey and the kid
> have a short conversation and fist bump before the two of them finally
> battle.
>
> My god.
>
> There are so many bizarre, insane things happening in this scene. It
> didn't just break my suspension of disbelief, it shot it gangland
> execution-style, and buried it in a shallow grave out in the woods.
>
> Anything else worth mentioning about the movie?
>
> I think Electro might be fucking the movie's soundtrack. Because
> whenever he's onscreen the music literally just starts chanting
> whatever's in Electro's head, and it's fucking insane. I have to assume
> the character and the soundtrack are in some kind of relationship, and
> that's why Electro gets this special treatment.
>
> Was The Amazing Spider-Man 2 amazing or not?
>
> Well, if you use amazing without any of its normal positive connotations
> � is in, "I was amazed by this movie, both because of the quality of its
> So course the cops manage to restrain the mother from grabbing her kid,
> but no member of the police force sees this kid toddle the 30 or so feet
> from the barricade to stand directly in front of the Rhino. The kid puts
> on his Spidey mask, the Rhino seemingly respects his new-found foe as an
> equal, then Spidey shows up and the Rhino kindly lets Spidey and the kid
> have a short conversation and fist bump before the two of them finally
> battle.
>
> My god.
>
> There are so many bizarre, insane things happening in this scene. It
> didn't just break my suspension of disbelief, it shot it gangland
> execution-style, and buried it in a shallow grave out in the woods.
>
> Anything else worth mentioning about the movie?
>
> I think Electro might be fucking the movie's soundtrack. Because
> whenever he's onscreen the music literally just starts chanting
> whatever's in Electro's head, and it's fucking insane. I have to assume
> the character and the soundtrack are in some kind of relationship, and
> that's why Electro gets this special treatment.
>
> Was The Amazing Spider-Man 2 amazing or not?
>
> Well, if you use amazing without any of its normal positive connotations
> action scenes and its ridiculously nonsensical plot," then yeah, it was
> pretty amazing.
>
You completely left out super-selfish Aunt May and the fact that as a
> pretty amazing.
>
smart science major, Gwen Stacy understands how to shut down and restart
the single power station that serves all of NYC.
--
FSogol
Winston
May 13, 2014, 1:53:51 PM5/13/14
to
Ubiquitous <web...@polaris.net> posted:
[spoilers elided]
I haven't seen the movie yet, (no rush for this particular one; I'll
wait 'til it's out on DVD), but I really enjoyed your writeup. Thanks!
-WBE
[spoilers elided]
I haven't seen the movie yet, (no rush for this particular one; I'll
wait 'til it's out on DVD), but I really enjoyed your writeup. Thanks!
-WBE
The Starmaker
May 14, 2014, 12:41:19 PM5/14/14
to
I'll wait 'til it out on DVD bootlegs
I'll wait 'til it out on DVD
I'll wait 'til it out on Cable
I'll wait 'til it out on TV
Does it come out in theaters?
The Starmaker
May 14, 2014, 6:28:01 PM5/14/14
to
i know stan lee is alive...
Wouter Valentijn
May 15, 2014, 1:49:32 PM5/15/14
to
The Starmaker schreef op 15-5-2014 00:28:
Steve Ditko is still among us.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Ditko
--
Wouter Valentijn http://www.j3v.net
"Nothing in Hell can stop the Timberwolves"
Motto of the 104th Infantry Division (United States)
http://zeppodunsel.blogspot.nl/
liam=mail
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Ditko
--
Wouter Valentijn http://www.j3v.net
"Nothing in Hell can stop the Timberwolves"
Motto of the 104th Infantry Division (United States)
http://zeppodunsel.blogspot.nl/
liam=mail
Ken Arromdee
Jun 2, 2014, 5:14:31 PM6/2/14
to
In article <lkskgh$o3m$1...@dont-email.me>,
Justifying the "it's dangerous for my loved ones" cliche using Gwen Stacy is
strange because the cliche is false almost every other time. And Peter has
no reason to know that this is the one weird anomaly where the cliche is
actually true.
--
Ken Arromdee / arromdee_AT_rahul.net / http://www.rahul.net/arromdee
Some fanfic writers really like listening to Evanescence, so they decide to
make all the characters fans of it. Slash fiction is the same, but with
penises instead of Evanescence.
Ubiquitous <web...@polaris.net> wrote:
>Lots of things happen in the movie � rarely with any kind of coherence
>or justification � but as far as I can tell the movie is specifically
>about Peter Parker, who 1) knows his relationship with Gwen puts her in
>danger and 2) promised Gwen's father, who Spider-Man also effectively
>got killed in the first movie, that he'd leave Gwen the hell alone, but
>keeps renewing their relationship until finally she's caught in the
>metaphorical crossfire of one of his battles and dies. To be fair, Gwen
>is also pretty set on getting herself killed.
This bothered me for a simple reason: Gwen and her father are exceptions.
>Lots of things happen in the movie � rarely with any kind of coherence
>or justification � but as far as I can tell the movie is specifically
>about Peter Parker, who 1) knows his relationship with Gwen puts her in
>danger and 2) promised Gwen's father, who Spider-Man also effectively
>got killed in the first movie, that he'd leave Gwen the hell alone, but
>keeps renewing their relationship until finally she's caught in the
>metaphorical crossfire of one of his battles and dies. To be fair, Gwen
>is also pretty set on getting herself killed.
Justifying the "it's dangerous for my loved ones" cliche using Gwen Stacy is
strange because the cliche is false almost every other time. And Peter has
no reason to know that this is the one weird anomaly where the cliche is
actually true.
--
Ken Arromdee / arromdee_AT_rahul.net / http://www.rahul.net/arromdee
Some fanfic writers really like listening to Evanescence, so they decide to
make all the characters fans of it. Slash fiction is the same, but with
penises instead of Evanescence.
Himalaya
Jun 4, 2014, 2:43:56 AM6/4/14
to
"Ken Arromdee" <arro...@rahul.net> wrote in message
news:lmipfn$7rd$1...@blue-new.rahul.net...
>>Lots of things happen in the movie - rarely with any kind of coherence
>>or justification - but as far as I can tell the movie is specifically
>>about Peter Parker, who 1) knows his relationship with Gwen puts her in
>>danger and 2) promised Gwen's father, who Spider-Man also effectively
>>got killed in the first movie, that he'd leave Gwen the hell alone, but
>>keeps renewing their relationship until finally she's caught in the
>>metaphorical crossfire of one of his battles and dies. To be fair, Gwen
>>is also pretty set on getting herself killed.
>
> This bothered me for a simple reason: Gwen and her father are exceptions.
> Justifying the "it's dangerous for my loved ones" cliche using Gwen Stacy
> is
> strange because the cliche is false almost every other time. And Peter
> has
> no reason to know that this is the one weird anomaly where the cliche is
> actually true.
> --
> Ken Arromdee / arromdee_AT_rahul.net / http://www.rahul.net/arromdee
>
> Some fanfic writers really like listening to Evanescence, so they decide
> to
> make all the characters fans of it. Slash fiction is the same, but with
> penises instead of Evanescence.
Too bad fanboy like you don't like this one time only...You can't live
>>danger and 2) promised Gwen's father, who Spider-Man also effectively
>>got killed in the first movie, that he'd leave Gwen the hell alone, but
>>keeps renewing their relationship until finally she's caught in the
>>metaphorical crossfire of one of his battles and dies. To be fair, Gwen
>>is also pretty set on getting herself killed.
>
> This bothered me for a simple reason: Gwen and her father are exceptions.
> Justifying the "it's dangerous for my loved ones" cliche using Gwen Stacy
> is
> strange because the cliche is false almost every other time. And Peter
> has
> no reason to know that this is the one weird anomaly where the cliche is
> actually true.
> --
> Ken Arromdee / arromdee_AT_rahul.net / http://www.rahul.net/arromdee
>
> Some fanfic writers really like listening to Evanescence, so they decide
> to
> make all the characters fans of it. Slash fiction is the same, but with
> penises instead of Evanescence.
without Amazing S
Himalaya
Jun 4, 2014, 2:48:05 AM6/4/14
to
"Himalaya" <mmdi...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:lmmf7f$61q$1...@speranza.aioe.org...
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