Aug 29, 2023, 12:06:19 AMAug 29
Make Boring Art #8
Written by Drew Nilium
"Hello again, my name is Boring Arthur," said Boring Arthur. "Today we're going
to discuss writer's block. With me I have Boring Commando Jimmy."
"Yes, hello," said Boring Commando Jimmy, who was dressed in a camo outfit for
some reason. "Writer's block is when you can't think of anything to write, and
you get stuck."
"Yes, and I believe we had a whole series about this previously."
"That's correct, and that's why this issue is boring even tho I'm wearing a camo
outfit for some reason. It's repetitive."
"Good to know. So what causes writer's block?"
"Insecurity and perfectionism, mostly. A sense of not being able to live up to
what you've already written. At least in our case."
"I see. And how do you get over writer's block?"
"...well, that's rather an unpleasant answer. I was thinking, you know, that
your answer might be, make some intentionally bad art to break your sense of
needing to reach some standard of perfection."
"No, that doesn't work. You'll be stuck forever."
"...excuse me, this series is called Make Boring Art, not Make Depressing Art. I
think this is wholly uncalled for, and inaccurate besides. Clearly, it's
possible to get over writer's block; again, we had a whole series about that."
"Fuck you." Boring Commando Jimmy pulled out a machine gun. "You aren't making
art anyway, so you may as well be blocked!"
Boring Arthur stood up! "Boring art is still art! You can't say that something
isn't art because you don't like it!"
"I can and I am! Eat this!!"
[WARNING: EXCITING EVENTS DETECTED. PLEASE ENJOY THIS EXCERPT FROM THE WIKIPEDIA
ARTICLE ON TEXTILE BLEACHING UNTIL THINGS CALM DOWN.]
Bleaching can be dated back to at least 1000BC from an Egyptian list found in
the tomb of Rekh-mi-re at Thebes, which mentioned both bleached and unbleached
linen. Mulrooney dates it back as far as 5000BC, while Walton claims it
was introduced to Egypt from Asia. It’s plausible that it was discovered
independently by different cultures. It’s generally assumed to have developed--
[WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BOREDOM.]
Boring Arthur stands in a room pockmarked by bullet holes, with flickering
darkness in the back corner from a broken light. His face is bruised and his
knuckles are bloody. Boring Commando Jimmy is nowhere to be seen.
"We have failed today at making boring art," said Boring Arthur. "However, we
will try again tomorrow. Please join us then."