Part Thirty of The Alternative Red Dwarf!/Website Information, etcetera.

[Marie Birch]

"Well, give us the good news, then first, Holly!" Lister sighed. Holly
went on to inform her fellow Dwarfer's: "Well, the good news is, that we
are finally leaving, unchartered deep space, at long last! And we are
going to be entering a brand new galaxy, which will practically be, on
the verge of Chartered Deep Space, which will definitely, be a gateway,
to our very own: Galaxy: The Milky Way, and the name of the brand new
galaxy, which we will, very soon be approaching, is known, as The
Andromeda Galaxy. Now does that ring, any familiar bells, with you?".
"Vaguely", Lister answered her, in a slightly dumbfounded manner.

And Lister had a Godawful feeling, that the Andromeda Galaxy, was
probably, light years away, from the Milky Way Galaxy, when all was said
and done! But he felt, that it was probably for the best, if
Holly got on, with her intellectual spiel, where all of the high-tech
astronomical spacey stuff, was concerned, and that, she got it, over and
done with, as soon as possible, so that he could eventually catch up,
where his very much needed kip, was concerned, anyhow! And for the life
of him, Lister, could never even begin, to understand nearly a third, of
what she was trying to make out, when she went all technical, on them,
all! And neither could the Cat and Rimmer, come to that! And if the
truth, could be known, Lister had a Godawful feeling, that Holly could
barely understand, what she was talking about, when she got all
technical, on all of them, herself, when it actually came down to it, at
the end of the day!

Holly insisted, on carrying on, where her intellectual spiel, where all
of the high-tech astronomical spacey stuff, was concerned, anyway!
"Gentlemen, I think, that we are finally heading, towards The Andromeda
Galaxy, which is at least, two point, three million light years away
from the Earth! However, I cannot be one hundred percent, certain about
that. But I will state, that it definitely looks like, my Space Chart
co-ordinates, have made a very close match, where it's position, in the
Universe, is concerned, for sure! So, I think, that we have got nothing
to lose, by taking a chance, where the entry path, to The Andromeda
Galaxy, is concerned. But don't expect, too much, where that is
concerned! Because we will be entering Andromeda, by its back door, so
to speak, and you should see two white slits, which should be, its entry
path, which will be, an insult, to the more well known, familiar photos
of the Andromeda galaxy, that everybody knows, and they are a great
deal, more prominent, because they had originally been taken,
from the Earth's point of view!".

Lister sighed, and he asked her, in an extremely bored manner - "Where
is all of this leading to Holly?". "Well, if there is a very remote
possibility of us, leaving The Andromeda Galaxy, in our lifetime, we
should then, enter: The Small Magellenic Cloud Galaxy. Have you ever
heard of that galaxy?". Lister nodded, to her announcement, with barely
any enthusiasm, whatsoever, and he answered her, with a very simple
statement - "Vaguely. Just get on with it, Holly!". Holly continued -
- "The Small Magellenic Cloud, is one hundred and seventy three light
years away from the Earth, and if there is a very remote possibility of
us, leaving The Small Magellenic Cloud, we should then enter: The Large
Magellenic Cloud Galaxy! Have you ever heard of that galaxy?". Once
again, a very bored Lister nodded, at her. Lister could see, where this
discussion, was going, and he could see, that it was going, absolutely:
Smegging nowhere! "Vaguely", Lister answered her, all over again, in a
sarcastic manner - "Holly, where is this intellectual scientificy
discussion, getting us?!". Holly ignored Lister's sarcastic manner, and
she went on, to inform her fellow Dwarfer's, that: "The Large Magellenic
Cloud is one hundred and fifty thousand light years away from the Earth.
And again, if there is a very remote possibility of us, leaving, The
Large Magellenic Cloud, we will enter our very own Galaxy, which is
known, as the Milky Way Galaxy!" Lister snorted, at her, with
disgust, at that news, in question - "So, what you're basically saying,
Hol, is that, we are still three smegging million years, into deep
space, even though, we will quite soon, have the great pleasure, of
entering, a brand new galaxy, which is only three galaxies, away, from
our very own smegging galaxy! And, not to mention, the fact, that once
we have made our way, through our very own galaxy: The Milky Way, we
have still got, to approach, the nine planets, of our very own smegging
solar system, before we can even, reach the smegging Earth!, Lister
finally stated, in a very frustrated and peeved manner.

Holly was not totally surprised by Lister's attitude. However, she
thought, that it was probably for the best, if she gave out, a positive
attitude, where her plans, for their brand new route, to The Andromeda
Galaxy, was concerned, even though, she did not feel very positive,
about it herself, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the
day! But at that point of time, she had to think, about giving her
fellow Dwarfer's morale a bit of a boost, which she felt, that they
would definitely need, when they had eventually caught up, where their
lack of sleep, was concerned, anyhow!

"The point, that I am trying to make, gentlemen is, that we will finally
be leaving, this unchartered area of deep space, at long last! And
therefore, I will soon be able to locate, some far more familiar
planets, in the Andromeda Galaxy, which should be a great help, for us,
where our route back to Earth, is concerned!". she stated.

Unfortunately however, Holly knew full-well, that it would be a very
long time, before she would even encounter, any planets, in The
Andromeda Galaxy, that would be of a more familiar nature, to her, which
would be a great help, for them all, where their general day to day
route back to Earth, is concerned! And she had roughly estimated, that
the Dwarf, would have to travel, the equivalent of best part of a
million space kilometres, in The Andromeda Galaxy, before she could even
locate a planet, that was vaguely familiar, to her, at the very least!
And Holly had recently, delved into her memory banks, where his/
/her original memories, of The Andromeda Galaxy, were concerned, which
had been long after, Lister had gone into stasis, and long after, the
onboard Cadmium II radiation leak, when he/she had had, to leave the
Earth's solar system, to go, into deep space, until the onboard Cadmium
II radiation, had eventually, reached a safe background level, And those
vague memories of his/hers, that she had most recently recalled, of The
Andromeda Galaxy's geographical layout, had been: a lot of planets, that
had been extremely close together, at the very start of the galaxy, to
begin with. However, when the middle of The Andromeda galaxy, had been
reached, he/she had soon discovered, that there had been a lot of
planets, that had seemed to be, more and more apart, from one another!
And finally, when the very end of The Andromeda Galaxy, had been
reached, there had been, very few planets, that had seemed to be, even
more, apart, from one another! As a matter of fact, now that Holly
thought back, a little bit more, the very few planets, that he/she had
originally encountered, in that part of The Andromeda Galaxy, in
question, had been, at least, twenty thousand space kilometres apart,
from one another, when all was said and done!

But that said, however, she did not, want the others, to know that, for
the time being, at the very least. And that, it was probably for the
best, to offer them, a little bit of hope, where their brand new route,
back to Earth, was concerned, at the very least!

However, little was Holly to know, that not long after, they had
entered: The Andromeda Galaxy, that they would very soon, encounter two
planets, that would change their very destiny, over a period of time!

Unfortunately however, it isn't quite, as simple, as all that!" she
stated. "Nothing, ever is, with you!"stated the Cat. "Alright, what's
the prob, Holly?", Lister asked her, especially as he was, extremely
anxious to get all of the necessary details, with regard to their brand
new course, to Earth, over and done with, as soon, as possible, so that
he could get a decent nights kip!

"Well, this is the bad news, that I was just coming to!". Lister sighed
- "I gathered that! Just get on with it, Holly!". Holly stated - "I am
afraid, that I will need to turn the ship around". Lister sighed. The
Cat was looking rather peeved, by now, which was quite understandable,
really! Why, all of this intellectual high brow scientificy information,
was getting to be, a little bit, too much for him, to take in, after the
best part of ten minutes!

However, Lister suddenly had a very bad sense of foreboding. He had
suddenly, thought back, to the Future Echoes, when Holly had had to
turn the ship around the last time, during the time, that they had first
headed back to Earth, after the radiation incident. Lister soon knew
what was coming, however. Because this had happened after the Future
Echoes, which had caused them, to break the light barrier, twenty two
hours early, and Lister had seen himself, in the mirror, cutting himself
shaving, in the future, which had made him call out to Rimmer, who had
naturally, assumed he had been, at the Marijuana gin,
again, which was not all that surprising, really, when it actually came
down to it, at the end of the day! And, the Future Echoes had also
caused Lister, to have a conversation, with Rimmer, in the future, which
had made no sense, to him, whatsoever! And that, had caused him, to have
yet another conversation, with Rimmer, in the present, a few minutes
later, which had also made no sense, to him, whatsoever! And,
if anybody can make sense of that, I reckon, that they deserve a
smegging medal!

Seriously though, Lister had soon come to the conclusion, that he had
had, the first conversation, with the Future Rimmer, a few minutes
earlier, which had caused, the present Rimmer, to come to the
conclusion, that Lister had gone, "space crazy"! The Future Echoes, had
also enabled Lister, to see the Cat, lose his tooth, in the future, and
in order, to try and prevent the Cat, from losing his tooth, in the
future, Lister had caused the Cat, to lose his tooth, in the present!
The Future Echoes, had also enabled a kind and considerate Rimmer, to
inform Lister, that he had seen him die, in the future, by trying to
stop the navi-comp, from malfunctioning. Fortunately however, what
Rimmer had actually seen, was Lister's Grandson, die, from trying to
prevent, the navi-comp, from malfunctioning, in the future! The Future
Echoes had also enabled him, to see himself, as a dying 171 year old
man, who had been, complete with grey hair and dreadlocks, and even more
morbidly, the Future Lister, had got, a robotic arm, which was capable,
of opening beer bottles (What more could the Future Lister, have asked
for?! Marie Birch)! And, the Future Lister, had ordered, the Present
Lister, to get his camera, and go across, to the Medical Unit, so that,
he could take the photograph of himself, holding his twin boys: Jim and
Bexley, which he had seen earlier on, via the Future Echoes! And it
had not, been too long, before his twin boys: Jim and Bexley, were
conceived, with Deb Lister (the female equivalent of himself!), in the
Parallel Universe! But that, is another story! The Future Echoes had
also enabled, the Future Lister, to whisper to the Present Lister, what
would eventually become of Rimmer, so that he could remember it, when he
eventually became the older Lister, and as a consequence of that,
the older Lister whispered something very rude, and he only went, and
burped, in the present, Rimmer's ear! "So what you're asking is, Hol you
want me, and the Cat and Kryten, to go into stasis, for the best part of
four hundred and six, smegging years?!".

And Lister, hadn't even mentioned, Rimmer, because at this point, in
time, his Light Bee, was more or less turned off, until Holly chose to
turn him back on, again. And therefore, asking Rimmer's permission
(which he knew, he would not get, if he had been re-initialised,
anyway!), wasn't really an issue, at this point, in time...

But Lister really had no desire to go back. into stasis, even if it took
the best part of a thousand years, to turn the ship, around. But he
thought, that it was probably for the best, if he listened to whatever
advice, Holly had considered, to be useful, to offer them all, where
their well being, was concerned, in the meantime, anyhow! To Lister's,
and his fellow Dwarfer's relief, Holly shook her head, and said - "You
see that icy blue moon, over there?". Holly indicated, the ocean
planet's icy blue moon, in the distance, via the window, directly in
front of them.

Lister and his fellow Dwarfer's, had taken a brief glimpse of the ocean
planet's icy blue moon, before they had set off, in Starbug, to
investigate, the ocean planet, itself, where they had come across the
SSS Esperanto, where they had encountered, the Despair Squid, which had
only been, the beginning of their troubles, really! Lister gazed at the
ice blue moon, which he had vague memories of, along with his fellow
Dwarfer's. And he went, and gazed, at that icy blue moon, with sheer
bitterness, and contempt...

Lister had a Godawful feeling, that icy blue moon, would represent,
sheer torture, for him, and his fellow Dwarfer's, now that they were
back, on the Dwarf, after all of the sheer Hell, that they had had to
put up, over the past four hundred and six years, after they had been
attacked, via their future selves, which had frozen them all, in time,
in that confounded Medi-game, after they had been attacked, via their
future selves, which had enabled them, to save his life, because he had
gone, and acquired a terrible fever, which had eventually caused him, to
go into a deep coma.

And the Medi-game, had created a false scenario, which had turned
Rimmer, into Kochanski, to keep Lister sane. Unfortunately however,
the Medi-game, had become corrupted, due to the Armageddon virus,
still being, in his system, and as a consequence of that, Rimmer's
hologram disc, had somehow, split in half, and a brand new version of
Kochanski, had suddenly appeared, along with another version of Rimmer.
Only this time, he was alive! And the Red Dwarf crew had also ended up,
being brought, back to life, courtesy of the supposed nanobots, and
Lister and his fellow Dwarfer's, had also ended up, in prison, on Red
Dwarf! But that is another story!

However, little did Lister know, that icy blue moon, was going to offer
him, and his fellow Dwarfer's a brand new gateway, to a brand new life.
In other words, that icy blue moon, in question, was going to be their
rites of passage, to a brand new life, well so to speak, anyhow!

And as it turned out, in the end, with regard, to the strong
possibility, of Lister going into stasis, at the time, in order, for
Holly, to turn the ship around, Lister and his fellow Dwarfer's, had
soon, come across a planet, and Holly, had entered the ship, into that
planet's orbit, in question. And, she had soon turned the ship around,
and there had been no need, for Lister, to go into stasis, after all of
that smegging fuss and palaver, when it had actually come down to it, at
the end of the day!

Lister and his fellow Dwarfer's nodded to that. And Kryten stated - "You
mean, that icy blue moon, is the turning point, for the Andromeda
Galaxy, Holly?". Holly nodded, to Kryten's question, with enthusiasm.
She knew that she could not, fault the Mechanoid, where his sage wisdom,
was concerned, when all was said and done! Holly carried on -
- "I need your approval to turn the ship around. Gentlemen, our
present situation, is like this, I am afraid. You see, it is going to
take, the best part of a week, for the ship to reach that icy blue moon,
in question, at the very least! Lister nodded, and sighed, once again.
He could definitely see, where this discussion, was going, and he could
see, that it was going, absolutely: Smegging nowhere! However, Holly
carried on - "And once, we have reached, that icy blue moon, I am
afraid, that it is going to take, another week, at the very least, for
the ship, to get past it, once we are in orbit, and then, we will be on
our merry way, once again! I have to warn you though, that part of The
Andromeda Galaxy, is not as well chartered, as the far more familiar
part of the Andromeda Galaxy! In fact, the back end of the Andromeda
Galaxy, is pretty more or less, unchartered. You don't know,
what we might come across! But that is a risk, that we may all have to
take!", she warned. Lister and his fellow Dwarfer's knew full-well, that
Holly was hinting, at their coming across those evil rogue simulants,
that she had referred to, a bit earlier, on. But by now, they were past
caring. And Holly insisted, in carrying on, where their venture, into
the very back end of their Brave New World of Chartered Deep Space (well
sort of!), was concerned - "There is another drawback, I am afraid".
"And what exactly, is that brand new drawback, Holly?".
And by this point, in time, Lister, had had more than enough crap, than
he could take, where this was concerned, but he still managed to ask
her, in an extremely bored voice - "After we have turned away from the
icy blue moon, we will be about, the equivalent of a thousand miles,
away, from the gateway of the Andromeda Galaxy, and I estimate, that it
will take us, the best part, of a week, to reach it's back door, and
that will be it! The unnamed galaxy, in uncharted deep space, that we
are currently in, will practically cease to exist for us!".

Lister felt, that they were definitely, on the verge of the boundaries
of smegging Chartered deep space, after all, of that Scientificy load of
codswallop, from Holly, just now! And by this point, in time, Lister was
vastly relieved to hear that! But as long, as they could put that
smegging ocean planet, with its icy blue moon, and the S.S.S Esperanto,
behind them, for once and for smegging all, that was basically all that,
he cared about, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day!
"And, we will also need to find a planet, where we can locate, a
derelict ship, so that we can stock up, with the cans of spam, and the
Colt 45, that those evil Gelf Bastards, half inched! But I really do
feel, that there is a definite, possibility, that they can be located,
in the Andromeda Galaxy, itself! I can research, that blue moon, if you
like, but as it looks like, it is, an icy blue moon, there will
definitely, be no derelicts, there!", stated Holly. "Or if there are,
they will probably be buried, underneath, all of that
compacted blue ice! Which would be the equivalent of landing an
aircraft, on an ice fissure, at the North Pole and Antarctica, without
keeping the engines on, for the best part of ten minutes! Looking at our
position, at this point, in time, where landing Starbug, on that icy
blue moon, we might as well shoot ourselves, in the head! But I will get
the scanners, to check out, whether there is anywhere suitable, to land
the bug. But I am definitely not promising anything! And I think, that
you are all fully aware, by now, where my feelings, are concerned, with
regard to you lot, leaving the ship, on Starbug, where paying a visit,
to brave new worlds, and moons, with regard to salvaging derelicts, is
concerned, now, that we are all underway, once again, after abandoning
me, for the best part of two hundred smegging years!".

Lister was extremely hurt, by Holly's attitude. However, he was that
desperate to catch up with his sleep, at that point, in time. And he
thought, that it was probably for the best, to pour salt over troubled
waters. "Don't rub it in, Holly. I said, I'm sorry! What more can I
say?! And don't worry, I am not all that eager, to go salvaging
derelicts, on an Arctic paradise, either! You can stuff that, for a
bunch of old smegging soldiers!". The Cat and Kryten, also stated, in
unison - "We really don't want to land on that icy blue moon/Pingu Hell
Hole, Holly!". Holly knew, that she had no choice, in the matter, but to
let the subject drop, and and she stated - "Alright, I'm sorry chaps.
I'm tired, and I am just about as fed up, as you are, as well. But I am
still going to get the scanners, on to it, anyway. You
never know, what they might turn up! But I seriously doubt it, if they
will come up, with anything, that will be, of any use, to us, when all
is said, and done!".

Lister and his fellow Dwarfer's nodded, in relief, to Holly's agreement,
where not salvaging, anything off, that icy blue moon, in question, was
concerned. And by now, Lister was completely and utterly relieved, that
they would finally, be leaving, the SSS Esperanto, the ocean seeding
ship, on the ocean planet, behind, at long last! Why, he had had more,
than enough heartbreak, where that smegging ocean planet, was concened,
to last him, for a lifetime! "Permission granted Holly. Well, you might
as well get us out, of this stinking dead end cess pit area of deep
space, as soon as you can. There's nothing to stay around 'ere for, is
there?!" stated Lister, in a very sarcastic manner. "Ok then, matey"
Holly stated. And with a sickening crunch of gears. The Dwarf suddenly
launched, into life, which practically shook the life out of them all,
after being in such a stable position, for all of that time...

The Cat suddenly launched into an attack, on Holly - "Was that, all you
wanted us for?! Why, you've only gone and disturbed my beauty sleep, for
nothing!". The Cat carried on, and vented his feelings, out on Kryten,
along with the orders, that he had tried to lay into him, just under an
hour ago - "Hey Novelty Condom head! Now, that conference time, with
Holly is over and done with, before you do anything else, I want you to
clean my Jacuzzi, in my Sleeping quarters out! I want it to be,
absolutely sparkling clean, from all of that dust, that I could eat a
meal, off the surface of that bath! And I thoroughly intend, to have a
good long soak, after all of the rigours, of what I have had to put up,
with where moving, all of my suit racks and my mirrors, off Starbug, to
my quarters, on the ship, are concerned! And then, you can change, the
bed linen! And then I want you...".

Lister suddenly cut him off. And Lister, was suddenly looking very
peeved, by now, and he soon got his point across, to the Cat, in a very
tired and frustrated manner "'Ey, ey, ey Cat! I do not know, if you can
be bothered about the fact, that Kryten, needs the best part of another
ten hours, worth of re-charging time, before he can even think, of
cleaning out, your smegging quarters! His battery power ran out, last
night, thanks to your excessive demands, with regard, to moving your
smegging suit racks and mirrors, from Starbug, to your smegging
quarters, on the Dwarf, were concerned! And, after that, he has got, to
order the Skutters, to clean up, the corridor, and repair, the corridor
roof, where our smegging quarters, are situated, before he can get even
get around, to cleaning up, your smegging quarters! Don't you ever
think, of anybody, but yourself?! Come on Kryten, mate. Don't take any
smegging notice of him. I am going to escort you, back to your quarters,
and I will definitely make sure, that you get the necessary
re-charging time, of those smegging ten hours, of your smegging
recharging time, back, that you so desperately need, before he gets his
smegging hands, on you!".

And the best part of a lack of a good ten hours, worth of Lister's sleep
(which had more or less, become the best part of a lack of a good eleven
hours, worth of his sleep!), thanks to all of the dithering, that he had
had, to put up with, where Holly's little de-briefing, in the Science
Room, where their position, with regard, to their present situation, on
the Dwarf, where their route, back to Earth, is concerned (and having
Kryten and the Cat, turn up late, along with the discovery, that there
might be, a serious problem, where Rimmer's Light Bee, was concerned,
had not exactly helped matters, either!), had really begun,
to take its toll, on Lister, by now! "Yes, Mr Lister sir". Kryten
answered him. Well, it had really begun, to take its toll, on all of
them, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day!

And, I am not allowing you, anywhere, near him! Do you understand?!".
The Cat seemed to be completely taken aback, by Lister's attitude. He
just could not understand it! And he had also moaned, about his
contribution, where moving, his suit racks and his mirrors, to his
Sleeping quarters, were concerned, the other night, as if he had done it
all, by himself, which was so typical of him! And he had been,
completely and utterly worn out, after moving, all ten of his suit racks
and all of his mirrors, to his Sleeping quarters, after the best part of
an hour! As per usual, he was only thinking, of himself! He had got,
absolutely no perception, of anybody else's needs, apart from his own!
He is utterly selfish, isn't he?! (He is just like our own little black
and white cat: Jess! She is utterly selfish, she really is! And she goes
into a major sulk mode, if her routine, is even slightly, disturbed! I
will quote an example: If me, and her Daddy go out, for the day, it
really does, set her back, especially, as she cannot
go to sleep, on the bed, for the afternoon! You have never seen a cat,
as miserable, as our Jessie! She gives you a look, of complete, and
utter contempt, because she has quite utterly been put out, by what we
have done! She even makes you feel guilty, for leaving her, all on her
own, for a couple of hours! And she will also have a good sulk, on the
bed, for the rest of the day, if she can get away, with it! Give them a
paw, and they're in! Marie Birch)

Suddenly, the Cat looked very ruffled, and very peeved, and he was
utterly crestfallen, that Lister, was challenging his orders, to Kryten.
In the end however, he decided, that he wasn't going to argue, all that
much, with Lister. It just wasn't worth it! And besides, he was still
completely knackered up, himself. But that said, he had still
got, his pride, to consider, after all! He thought it best, to
compromise, however, and the Cat, had concluded, that he was not going,
to let Lister see, that he had got to him, and he acted, all big and
tough, in front of him, as per usual! And that, was pretty generous of
him, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! But
Lister, was soon wise, to his tricks, anyway! He knew him, too well for
that! "Okay, Buddy! He has got, the best part of ten hours, to get his
act together! And, it will take me, the best part of another nine hours,
to catch up, with my beauty sleep! That short snooze, wasn't enough, for
me! But he had better, get his Jeeves act together, after the best part
of ten hours! And Kryten, had better get, that Jacuzzi, of mine, cleaned
out, after he has had, his ugly sleep, and he has got, those slow coach
robots, going on Monkey boy, and the Prince of Gloom's, corridor! You
hear me, droid boy?!". Kryten suddenly looked very jumpy indeed, because
the Cat, had always scared him, quite easily, over the years, when all
was said and done!. And that, was because, the Cat was evolved, from
cats, and there was such a wide gulf, between him, and Mr Lister, and
even Mr Rimmer, come to that! And he was never quite sure, just what the
Cat, was going to do, to him, if he did not obey him! Kryten had always
been terrified, that he would
end up pouncing, on him, just like a Lion or a Tiger, and eat him, for
breakfast, lunch, tea and supper, when it actually came down to it, at
the end of the day! And as Kryten, was not really programmed, to
understand, the difference, between a human being, and a humanoid cat,
he felt, that it was probably, in his best interests, to obey the Cat,
no matter what, even though, the Cat, who was such a crafty blighter,
could quite easily, take advantage of his better nature, and which he
could definitely turn to, his advantage, and walk all over, the poor
droid, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day!

Kryten managed to exclaim - "Yes Mr Cat sir. Of course Mr Cat, sir. I
fully understand, Mr Cat sir! I will endeavour, to get around, to spring
cleaning, your Sleeping quarters, as soon, as it is possible, for me to
do so, sir!". 'Spring cleaning!!!' Lister thought. 'Why, the Cat's
Sleeping quarters, would definitely, need a Winter, Spring, Summer and
Autumn clean! Poor Kryten, he had really lost, the plot, where his
thought processes, were concerned! And the sooner, that he got, those
ten hours worth, of recharging, back, then so much the better! And quite
surprisingly, Lister, was deeply concerned, where the Cat's general
attitude, was concerned, as well! Why, he was utterly jiggered, and he
wasn't quite, his usual, argumentative self! Why, he was actually, far
too tired, to argue, with him, all that much, when it
actually came down to it, at the end of the day! And that, just wasn't
like him! And he had only made his point, about cleaning his Sleeping
quarters, to Kryten, just out of duty, and just to appear, big and
tough, in front of Lister, Kryten and Holly, as a matter of routine! In
other words, he had only done it, for the sake of it! What on Earth, was
the matter with them, all?! And even the Cat, felt, that cleaning out,
his Sleeping quarters, did not, actually seem, really all that
important, to him, at all, at this point in time, when it actually came
down to it, at the end of the day! Why, he was a shadow, of his former
objective self!

And Lister, had soon put that down, to the shock, that they were all in,
where their present situation, on the Dwarf, was concerned! And he soon
reasoned, that the sooner, that they could all get back, to their former
routine, on board, the Dwarf, then the sooner, the better! Lister did
not think, that he could take, much more of this! And so far, ever
since, they had stepped, back, on to the Dwarf, nothing had gone right,
for them all!

And with that, Lister, and the Cat and Kryten, finally made their way
out, of the Science Room, at long last...!

And now, that a completely knackered up Lister has met up, with a very
disorientated Kryten, and an utterly shattered Cat, are now fully aware,
of exactly just what, is their position, with Holly, in the Science
Room, with regard, to their present situation, on the Dwarf, where their
route, back to Earth, is concerned, will they have the misfortune, to
encounter the evil Gelf's, of unknown origins, that had been, in
residence, on the Dwarf, about two hundred years previously, before they
can even reach the icey Blue Moon, that they have got, to orbit, for the
best part of a week, before they can even set off, for their brand new
destination: The Andromeda Galaxy, is concerned?!
They couldn't be, that unlucky, could they?! Surely not?!

And, now that we are also fully aware, of what has happened, where
Rimmer's whereabouts, are concerned.Will Holly be able to resolve,
the problem, that is affecting his Light Bee, where restoring him, is
concerned, over the next forty eight hours, if she wants to restore him,
that is?!

And will Lister be able, to give poor Kryten, the re-charging time of
ten hours, via his maxi-recharging unit, in his quarters, that is
absolutely essential, to enable him, to perform his duties, adequately
and sufficiently enough, on the Dwarf, one hundred percent, before the
Cat gets his hands, on him, to clean his Sleeping quarters out, before
he can get around, to getting the Skutters, to do all, of the repairs,
that are absolutely necessary, to the roof, of the corridor, and clean
up, the corridor, by Lister's Sleeping quarters, and cleaning out,
Lister's Sleeping quarters?!

And now, that we have discovered, that our perky pal, Talkie Toaster,
has finally stopped functioning, after keeping Holly company, for the
best part of four hundred and six years, will Kryten, ever be able to
repair him, after he is up and running, again?! Or do we really want,
Talkie Toaster, up and running again, especially if he is going, to make
constant demands, of the Boyz of the Dwarf, to eat, a lot of bread
related products, in the near future?!

And will Lister, ever get a good nights sleep, and not come to blows,
with the Cat, before they set off, for Earth, once again?!

And exactly, just what, is the significance of the ocean planets icy
blue moon, to Lister and his fellow Dwarfer's?!

And exactly, just what, is the significance of the long silver space
ship, especially, where the radio signal, and those two large silver
coffins, are concerned?!

Find out all this and more, in the next exciting instalment of: The
Alternative Red Dwarf!

My new version of the Alternative Red Dwarf, which is actually set, on
the Dwarf, is now available, for viewing, or downloading, at:

http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/mainaltreddwarf.htm

If you would like to go directly on to my Xanadu Red Dwarf Website, the
web reference is:

http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/xanadureddwarf.htm

Now available on my Xanadu Red Dwarf Website.

A review of Red Dwarf VIII filmed live at Shepperton
Studios of the 4th of December 1998!
Some new Red Dwarf links on the Xanadu Red Dwarf Links
Website, which includes links to:
Red Dwarf: The Official Website.
The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club Website (UK, Eire and Europe).
The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club Website (U.S.A, Australia and
New Zealand).
The Craig Charles Funk and Soul MySpace Website.
The Unofficial Craig Charles Website.
The Unofficial Captain Butler Website.
The Danny John-Jules MySpace Website
The BBC CBBC MI High Website
The BBC CBeebies Story Makers Website
The Hideout (A Maid Marian and Her Merry Men Website)
Kryten's Homepage.
The Unofficial Chloe Annett and The Unofficial Clare Grogan Websites.
The Unofficial Emile Charles Website.
The Inquisitor Red Dwarf Group and The Inquisitor Red Dwarf Website.
The Xanadu Red Dwarf Discussion and Fan Fiction Microsoft Windows:
Live: SkyDrive Group Message Board.
And on the Xanadu Red Dwarf Website, itself, are:
Future Red Dwarf Projects.
The Xanadu Red Dwarf Favourite Episode Guide
has recently, been updated!
The Xanadu Red Dwarf Fact File Website.
A review of the film: Xanadu, and the lyrics for the
theme song: Xanadu by Olivia Newton-John!
A review of the Red Dwarf VII Extended episodes:
Tikka To Ride/Ouroboros/Duct Soup/Possible
unedited material for Red Dwarf VII, plus a review
of Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg/The Tenth Anniversary
Smeg Ups/Universe Challenge and The Children In
Need sketch.
The Explanation For The Time Drive in Transporting
The Red Dwarf Posse Back To Earth in Tikka To Ride:
(Episode I, Red Dwarf VII), as well as, The Heady
Medieval Atmosphere of 15th Century Space!
A review of the Red Dwarf VIII episodes: Back
In The Red I to III!

Recently added to Xanadu: A Review of Red Dwarf VII
by Marie Birch and Kevin Blake, and An Additional Review
of Red Dwarf VII by Marie Birch!

For those of you, who are interested, in my Unofficial Craig
Charles Website, the web reference is:

http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/craigcharles.htm

Recently added to my Unofficial Craig Charles Website:

The ITV Coronation Street Website.
The Lloyd Mullaney (Coronation Street Character) Profile Website.
A Craig Charles Funk and Soul Page Website.
The Craig Charles Career Profile Microsoft Windows: Live: SkyDrive Group
Message Board.
The Craig Charles Yahoo! Groups Message Board.
The Street (Coronation Street) Yahoo! Groups Message Board.
The Smegaround: Smeg Around - Just A Place To Smeg Around Yahoo! Groups
Message Board.
A Profile of Craig Charles' Work For BBC 6 Music! Plus Some Very
Important BBC 6 Music Information!
The BBC 6 Music Extra Information Website.
Craig Charles: Former Fan Club Information.
A Craig Charles: Back From Hell: Red Dwarf VII (September 1996) Interview.
Craig Charles: Autobiography Information.

For those of you, who are interested, in my Unofficial
Captain Butler Website, the web reference is:

http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/captainbutler.htm

Recently added to the Unofficial Captain Butler
Website:

A link has been set up, for the Captain Pugwash
Website/The Captain Butler Maritime and
Non-Maritime Incidents Website, informs you, all about,
The Mary Celeste Mystery and just exactly, how old,
Admiral Horatio Nelson, was, when he lost his arm!
The Captain Butler Good and Evil Pirates Website,
informs you, about, all, that you need to know, about,
Blackbeard, and the renowned legitimate Pirate:
Sir Francis Drake!
And my Captain Butler Fan Fiction: On The Goodship
Lady Captain has recently been updated!

For those of you, who are interested, in finding out more,
about the late actor: Barry Evans, who starred, in the
Doctor series, and Mind Your Language, and not to mention,
the films: Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush, Die
Screaming Marianne, The Adventures of a Taxi Driver,
and Under The Doctor. And Barry also appeared, alongside,
the late actor and comedian: Dick Emery, in the 1982 BBC
Comedy series: Emery: A Legacy of Murder. Then please go
to:

http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/barryevans.htm

For those of you who are interested in the Doctor series,
the web reference is:

http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/doctorseries.htm

I am also in the process of working on a review of the very
first episode of the Doctor series: Why Do You Want To
Be A Doctor?

For those of you who are interested in Mind Your Language,
the web reference is:

http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/mindyourlanguage.htm

I am also in the process of working on a review of the very
first episode of Mind Your Language: The First Lesson.

With regard to these reviews, they are incomplete, due to time
constraints, but they are available, for viewing or downloading,
via the appropriate websites, above, and they will always be,
permanently available, for this purpose! And when, they are
complete, it will be my intention, to notify, the various newsgroups,
to whom, they have been posted to! But in the meantime however,
my sincere apologies, for any delays, caused, anyway, and my thanks,
go to all, on alt.comedy.british, who are interested, in my Barry Evans/
/Doctor series and Mind Your Language Website's, anyway! And, it is
always nice to know, that there is more, than enough interest, to make
it, more, than worth my while, to keep, those websites going, thank you!

However, I am intending, to do brief plot summaries, of all, of the
Doctor series episodes and Mind Your Language episodes, when, I next
work, on my Barry Evans/Doctor series and Mind Your Language Websites,
as the reviews, that I am doing, of each episode, are very in-depth,
indeed, and they may, take up, a lot of web space, in the meantime! And
it is probably, for the best, if I set up, an Episode Summary website,
in the meantime, which will be, considerably shorter anyway, and for all
fans, of the Doctor series, and Mind Your Language series, then at the
very least, I have always, got something, that, will give them,
something, to keep them going, for quite, a long time!

I will also, put up, a short independent notice, for this purpose, as
soon, as it is possible, for me, to do so, anyway, especially, as I do
get, a lot of enquiries, via email, in general, via the Doctor series
and Mind Your Language series, from all over, the world!

More recently, on my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British
Comedy Website, you may be interested, to know, that, there are also
links set up, for The Men From The Ministry Website, and a Maid Marian
and Her Merry Men Website (but there isn't very much, on the Maid Marian
and Her Merry Men Website, apart, from the series episode list, and a
Plot Summary Episode List Website, and a picture of Maid Marian and Her
Merry Men, but at the very least, there is now a Website, for the
series, at long last!)

And for those of you who are interested in my Maid Marian and Her Merry
Men website, then please go to:

http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/maidmarianandhermerrymen

And for those of you who are interested in Lynne Guy's General
Information and Classic British Comedy Website, then please go to:

http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/lynnes.htm

On my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British Comedy
Website, you will find links set up for:

Our Astronomy Website.
The College Of Adult Education in Wolverhampton Website.
The I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again Website.
The Cats Protection League Headquarters Website.
Wildlife Park Kirkcudbright Website.
Kevin Blake's: Puzlebox Hobbies and Puzzlebox Business Websites.
The Official Website Of The British Monarchy.
Recently added, to my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British
Comedy Website, you can find a web page, which informs you all about me:
Marie Birch!

Recently added, to my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic
British Comedy Website.

A message of sympathy for the families of the victims and the
Firefighters, who lost their lives, via the attacks, on The World Trade
Centre and The Pentagon, in the United States of America.

That's All For Now, Folks!
Marie Birch
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