Re: Part Twenty Nine of The Alternative Red Dwarf/My Website Information etcetera.
Marie Birch
is one of the issues, that I do need to raise, with you all! I am having a
bit
of a problem, in re-booting and re-initialising him!". Lister was
suddenly very concerned,
with regard to Holly's bad news about Rimmer. And, he suddenly, felt
very guilty,
indeed, because of what he had done to Rimmer, via knocking him out, the
way that he had done, a few days ago! 'Oh my God', he thought. 'What have I
done?!' But he decided not to dwell on that, too much, for the time being,
anyhow! Lister asked Holly in a rather strained voice: "Why, wh-what's the
matter with him, then Holly?!". Holly sighed, and informed Lister and
his fellow Dwarfers, in a very cold voice, that they were not accustomed
to hearing - "It definitely looks like, his Light Bee, has taken a bit
of a whack!". And with that, Holly gave Lister a look
of
contempt. But Lister thought that it was probably for the best, not to say
anything, in the circumstances, where this was concerned, unless Holly
had directly
accused him, of punching Rimmer! And Lister had got no intention, of
admitting
to Holly, that he had probably caused, some quite significant damage, to
Rimmer's
light bee, unless, he absolutely had to, anyhow!
Totally unknown to Lister, and his crewmates, however, Holly knew
full-well, just exactly what had happened to Rimmer! She wouldn't have
minded, Lister knocking him about, in normal circumstances, but with
their present circumstances, that had been all they had needed,
especially where their current morale on board, the ship, had been
concerned, at this point, in time!
But that said, Lister was still deeply ashamed, of what he had done to
Rimmer, about four days ago, and he suddenly thought, that it was
probably for the best, if he voiced his concerns, to her, as he really
did feel responsible, for what he had done, where that was concerned! "I
am really sorry to hear about that, Holly. There isn't any permanent
damage, done there, I hope?!". Lister was vastly relieved, when Holly
had stated: "Not, that I can see, Dave. Unfortunately however, it isn't
quite, as simple, as all that. His Light Bee, seems quite different
somehow! There is definitely something, that isn't registering right, to
me there, where that is concerned, in my general opinion!".
Lister did his level best, to conceal a sigh of relief, that he was not
directly responsible, for any long term damage, to Rimmer's Light Bee,
anyhow! Even though, he had an idea, that Holly, wasn't entirely
convinced of that,
somehow! But he thought, that it was probably, for the best, if he did not
dwell, on that too much, for the time being, anyhow!
Holly carried on - "It is something, I just cannot fathom, for the life of
me,
Dave! And I really do feel, that I will need, the best part of forty eight
hours,
to explore, and resolve, the problem, which should give you all, plenty
of time,
to catch up with your beauty sleep!".
And Holly was doing her level best, not to worry, too much, about the
problem,
with Rimmer's Light Bee, with regard, to re-booting and re-initialising
him, was concerned, for the time being. But there was something, that
was bugging her, quite badly, where this was concerned. And she knew,
that she would be able, to resolve, the problem, where that was
concerned, sooner or later!
Unfortunately however, Holly knew full-well, that she could have done,
with a computer programmer (a Human
Computer Programmer, come to that!), who specialised, in the Hologrammatic
core programme, who could have helped her, work out, the very complex
problem,
which was blocking her, from re-booting and re-initialising, Rimmer's
Hologrammatic life form, at
this point, in time! Why, she was that, desperate, if she had to rely,
on a human mind, for a simple premise, like that! And Holly, knew
without a doubt, that she needed, a great deal more time, to find out,
what the Bloody HELL, was going on, where bringing, Rimmer back to life,
again,
was concerned! Why, she was utterly flummoxed, with a frustration, that she
had
never known, in all of her runtime! She had never had a problem, where
restoring
his Hologrammatic personality, was concerned, before now! Something was
seriously
wrong, she thought. Fortunately however, Holly had soon worked it out, that
something,
was seriously wrong, where his Core programme, was concerned, which was
affecting,
the start up process, of his Hologrammatic life form! She knew that
much! And she knew, deep down, that she would be able, to resolve the
problem, via going over her Memory Banks, with regard, to the
Hologrammatic programmes history, from the Twentieth century, to the
present day!
Holly was fully aware, that she would have to go back to that primitive
part, of the
Twentieth century, which would be: The year 1947, when Holograms, had been
invented, by a Hungarian Scientist, called Denis Gabor, who had lived from
1900 to
1979. Holly shuddered, when she thought, back to that period in time. 1947.
Two
years away, from the end of the Second World War, when everyday useful
Scientific
experiments, had been held back, for the best part of six years! And she was
also fully
aware of the evil experiments, that had been
conducted,
by the Scientists, who had worked for at the Concentration Camps, in
Germany and Eastern Europe, for Nazi Germany. And that, had been, all of
the Scientific progress, that had been made, along with the development
of the Atomic bombs, that had ended, the Second World War, in Japan (I
sincerely apologise, to any survivors, of the Holocaust, and any
survivors, of the Atomic bombs, in Hiroshima and Nagasaki,
Japan, who may happen, to come across, this Fan Fiction, for causing any
distress,
where this is concerned! But I am just trying to point out, how, a computer,
in the
twenty third century, who is more, that capable of a human thought,
would deal, and react, with those kind of emotions, where that was
concerned! And, I have also spoken to a Holocaust survivor, and a widow
of a Holocaust survivor, and I was deeply distressed, and very angry, to
discover, what they had been through! Marie Birch).
But for now, this was beyond, even Holly! And Holly refused, to voice
her fears, where restoring, Rimmer's Hologrammatic core programme, was
concerned, to her fellow Dwarfer's, as she felt, that they had got more
than enough, to worry about, for the time being!
And Holly suddenly decided, that if need be, she would ask Kryten, for
some help, where this was concerned, but she soon realised, that he was
in no fit state, to help, where this was concerned, especially as he was
on only an hour and forty five minutes, worth of runtime, and he would
really need, the best part of another ten hours, before he got his
thinking processes, back together, once again! And then he would be in
more, than a fit state, to help her, with regard, to restoring, Rimmer's
Hologrammatic core programme, was concerned, when all was said and done!
But tomorrow, was another day, for the time being...!
Surprisingly however, Lister had a sudden thought, about Rimmer's Light
Bee, which would quite easily have explained, why Holly could not
re-boot and re-initialize him, for the time being. But he could not, for
the life of him, think what it was, because he was so smegging
tired, at that point, in time! But he vowed, that he would definitely
rack, his brains, after he had caught up, with his sleep, to work out,
just exactly, what was wrong with Rimmer's Light Bee, and that, he would
definitely raise the matter, with Holly, as soon, as it was possible,
for him, to do so, that is! It was the very least, that he
could do, in the circumstances, anyhow!
However, little did Lister know, that it would be exactly forty eight
hours, when he would find out, just exactly what, the problem, with
Rimmer's Light Bee, was! And that problem, with Rimmer's Light Bee,
would be a huge step backwards, for them, all! Well, to a certain
extent, anyway!
In fact, the Cat and Kryten, were also feeling, a little bit worse, for
wear, to say the very least! And, a rather anxious Kryten, suddenly made
a very wise suggestion. They had also felt, that Rimmer's situation,
could wait, for the time being, when all, was said and done!
"I suggest, that we begin the de-briefing, Holly?" Kryten suggested.
Holly continued - "Very well gentlemen. I take it, that you may, have
worked it out, that Red Dwarf, was stolen by Rogue Simulants, just after
you thought, that you had originally lost it?". Kryten's eyes, suddenly
flickered with interest, and he stated - "Yes, we had a meeting, with
regard, to that subject, in question, after I had brought Mr Lister, and
the Cat, out of stasis, and I had re-booted, Mr Rimmer's light bee,
after just over, two hundred years ago, on Starbug".
For a very brief moment, Kryten wondered, if he may had done, something
to corrupt, Mr Rimmer's light bee, after he had re-booted him, on
Starbug, just before the incident, with the Psiren's. However, he
decided, not to dwell too much, on that, for the time being, especially
as he only had got, an hour and forty five minutes worth of re-charging
time, and that, he would need that time, to be de-briefed, where their
present situation, was concerned, and find out, just exactly, what their
options, were, where that was concerned! But he realised, that he had
had, just about enough, runtime left, to store the memory, of
re-booting and re-initialising, Mr Rimmer, on Starbug, just before the
incident, with the Psiren's. And, Kryten had also stored the memory of
processing his databanks, for any information, which would definitely
inform him, where he had gone wrong, where re-booting and
re-initialising, Mr Rimmer, on Starbug, was concerned, just before the
incident, with the Psiren's, was concerned, for once and for all!
And therefore, Kryten soon realised, that he could quite easily, raise
his doubts, with Holly, about whether, he was responsible, or not, with
regard, to corrupting the start up programme, where restoring, Mr
Rimmer's Hologrammatic presence and personality, was concerned, when all
was said and
done!
After Holly had mentioned, that fact, in question, Lister had shuddered,
and he had tried very hard, not to think about, the evil Psiren's, that
they had encountered, in the asteroid belt, about four hundred and four
years ago...
Lister had recalled, that the evils Psiren's had very nearly sucked out,
their brains, about four hundred and four years ago, and that, had
definitely not been, a part of the medi-game! Lister tried not to think
too hard, to about the Psiren, who had appeared to him, as Pete
Tranter's Sister, whom he had lusted after, throughout his puberty! And
she had been, a very attractive long blonde haired woman, who had looked
like a cross, between Catwoman, and Barbarella, and Lister had shared a
long lingering kiss, with her. And unbeknownst to him, her
concealed appearance, was a revolting, giant insectoid, which had looked
like, something out of the film: Empire of The Ants, which had starred:
Dynasty's Alexis Carrington (Joan Collins) (I have seen: Empire of The
Ants! Well, it was a laugh, wasn't it?! As Holly, had
once stated! Marie Birch), who had tried very hard, to suck his brains
out, until Kryten, had come to his rescue, that is! But that was another
lifetime, ago...
Well, Lister, was really trying very hard, not to think, too much, about
Pete Tranter's Sister, even though, he was so tired! Well perhaps, he
wasn't all that tired, after having to go, without sex, with a woman,
for the best part of three million, and four hundred and four years!
Lister had also tried not to think, too much, about the two Psiren's,
who had appeared, on Starbug's monitor, as two beautiful Temptresses,
sending out, a distress message.
And they had, informed the Cat, and his fellow Dwarfer's, that they,
were in desperate need of male seed spreaders, for their colony, which
was almost extinct, and that, there were, only women left! As a matter
of fact, there had been, barely three thousand women, left, in the
colony, at that point in time! And, one of the Temptresses had begged
the Boyz from the Dwarf, that if they were to survive, they needed
males, to spread their seed, among their numbers! And Lister ahd
remembered, the two Temptresses final messages, to them all, as
if, it was only yesterday!
"If we are to survive, we need males to spread their seed, among our
number! We beg you! Make love to us!", the First Temptress had stated.
"Make love to all of us! Please, we beseech you...", the Second
Temptress, had stated.
The Temptresses, had appeared, to the Boyz from the Dwarf, as very
scantily clad women, in a Harem, complete with cushions, and sweeping
curtains. It was a bit stereotypical, when it actually came down to it,
at the end of the day!
Fortunately however, Rimmer, Lister and Kryten, had thought, that the
Temptresses offer of unlimited sex, was a little bit too good, to be
true, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day!
Unfortunately however, the Cat was a very different Kettle of Fish,
where that was concerned!
Lister had tried not to think, too hard, where the long haired blonde
Second Temptress, was concerned, who had appealed to him, a lot more,
than the First Temptress, had done, because unbeknownst to Lister, there
had been, a male ancestor of his, who had been, a hapless and very
unlucky Pirate, who had been known, as Josef Butler. In other words:
Captain Butler! And that Captain Butler, in question, had also been,
tempted sexually, by a Mermaid, who had been known, as Tracy,
whose appearance, could be compared, to the blonde temptress Psiren, who
had appeared, to Lister, on Starbug's monitor, and she must have, been a
descendant of Tracy, the Mermaid's! (Please do not ask me, how this
works! But from what I have gathered, Mermaids have lured sailors, onto
the rocks, in the past, which is more or less, the same way, that the
Psiren's from Greek Legends, operate, when all is said and done! Marie
Birch)
Well, Lister, had been really trying very hard, not to think, too much,
about the Second long haired blonde temptress Psiren, even though, he
was so tired! Well perhaps, he wasn't all that tired, after being,
without a woman, for the best part of three million, and four hundred
and four years!
"Yes Holly" Kryten answered her, with his usual inquiring mind - "We
had originally thought, that Mr Lister, had parked it around, a little
blue-green planetoid, which usually, all look the same! But as it turned
out, we did not lose, Red Dwarf, after all! As it turned out, Red Dwarf
was stolen. By persons... or life forms unknown", he drifted off...
The Cat suddenly chimed in, in a very sleepy, and a very selfish, and a
rather, unenthusiastic manner. In fact, he couldn't be bothered, which
was usually the case, where he was concerned! "Why, who would want to,
steal a gigantic red trash can, with no brakes and three million years
on the clock?!". By now, Holly had had, more than enough, and she
exclaimed, with frustration - "Red Dwarf was NEVER stolen! It hasn't
moved from this planetoid, ever since, you lot, insisted on, buggering
off, to explore The SSS Esperanto!". Kryten nodded, to Holly's
confirmation "We have already worked that out, Holly. Ever since, we had
discovered, we were in that medi-game, all along, which I had
originally set up, to save Mr Lister's life, if you recall?". Holly
nodded. By now, she was sick and tired, and utterly fed up, of
reminiscing, on the fact, that her fellow Dwarfer's had been absent, for
the best part of four hundred and four years, even though, they had been
under her very nose, all along, thanks to Kryten, having to put them all
into stasis, thanks to Lister, being in a coma, for the best part of
four years, which had been caused by the severe shock, via the
attack on them all, via their future selves, and the severe electrical
storm, which had lasted, for the best part of four hundred years! And
Kryten, had had to put them all, into a medi-game, which had created, an
false alternative reality scenario, where Rimmer, had insisted, on being
turned into a parallel universe version, of Lister's former girlfriend,
Kristine Kochanski, courtesy of her hologram disc, only she had got,
Rimmer's personality, all along!
And that, had been a real disaster, until Kochanski's hologram disc, had
become corrupted, and she was able to separate herself, from Rimmer, and
she had soon become her own person, once again! Only the Rimmer, that
had been created, for the version of the medi-game, where the Nanobots,
had resurrected Red Dwarf, had made Rimmer appear, as a human, once
again! A real live and kicking version, of Rimmer! Or as Lister, had
once stated, in the medi-game - "God, it's him, like he
used to be! Ughhh!". And the medi-game had become, that corrupted, in
the end, that the Boyz and former Lady of the Dwarf, had all ended up,
in Red Dwarf's Penal Colony: Floor Thirteen! And the medi-game, had
originally been designed, to keep them all sane, in the meantime! 'And
thanks, to that medi-game, in question, they were all in a right pickle,
at this point, in time!' she thought, to herself.
Not to be deterred, by all of this doom, and gloom, however, which was
quite obviously, not doing them any good, where their present situation,
was concerned, Holly carried on - "So, Red Dwarf has definitely been
here, for all that time! But you were partly right, Kryten, the ship was
taken over, not by Rogue droids... But some very
evil Gelf's, of an unknown origin!". "So, they did exist, after all! But
I did think, that for one awkward moment, that they had been, figments
of Mr Lister's imagination, made solid, by some weird space ray!".
Kryten stated, in sheer triumph."And therefore, I was soon
proved right, after all! The important thing is, after four hundred
years and two years, of following their vapour trail, we have nailed
them!". "What did you mean by that, then?", a rather confused Lister
asked him."As I originally stated, to you all, on Starbug sirs, is that,
the evil Gelf's, had been forced, to make a massive detour, to
circumnavigate, the asteroid belt, where we had, encountered the evil
Psirens, about four hundred and four years ago! But as it had turned
out, however, Starbug was small enough, to negotiate, its way, directly
through the middle of the belt. And, for the first time, in four
centuries, we finally had, the opportunity to head them off, at the
pass, as it were, and recover Holly, which we have finally done, at long
last! Although, it took us, a lot longer, than we had originally
thought, it would, have done, when it actually came down to it, at the
end of the day!".
Holly looked at Kryten, as if he wasn't normal. "You can certainly say
that, again mate! Oh, they existed, alright! As it turned out, they were
Genetically Engineered Lifeforms, of some rather weird origin". Lister
suddenly felt, a shudder, run down his spine. He had a Godawful feeling,
in his gut, that they were all going to make their acquaintance, where
those very evil Gelf's, were concerned, at some point, in the future! He
could pretty much, see the writing, on the
wall, where that was concerned!
"I see. Have you got, any idea, of those evil Gelf's origins, Holly?
Just in case, we happen, to make, their acquaintance, in the near
future?" he asked her, in a rather frustrated and sarcastic manner,
which was quite understandable, at that point, in time, after what, he
and his fellow Dwarfer's had had, to put up with, lately! However, Holly
answered his question, with sincerity - "I am so sorry Kryten, but I
haven't got a clue, where their genetic origins, were concerned!
They were not like, any of the Gelfs, or Simulants, that we have had,
the pleasure, of coming across, in the past! In fact, I will tell you
this much, I have never seen anything like, those evil Gelf Buggers, in
all of my existence! It is beyond, even my Memory Banks, I am afraid!
But I do have a very strong feeling, that they may not hail, from our
lifetime, and that, they may have hailed from, a century, beyond our
own...". she suddenly drifted off. "But believe you me, mate, I reckon,
that I could easily identify them, if they do decide, to come back, into
our lives! Well, if there are any more, of those evil Gelf Buggers
about, that is!" she stated.
And, that was pretty much, an understatement! Holly thought. Holly had
tried her level best, not to shudder, when she thought about the long
horns, that had come out of those evil Gelf's heads, their utterly
disgusting piggy eyes and not to mention, their equally disgusting piggy
noses! And there was also the question, of their long tails, and their
cloven feet, and not to mention, the corrupted form of Bastard English,
that they had spoken! And not, to mention, their foul disgusting
language! In fact, the evil Gelf's description, could quite easily, be
compared, as a cross, between devils, pigs, pixies, and the evil
gremlins, from the Gremlim movies!
Now, that Holly really thought about it, they had also spoken, with a
Gelf dialect, that she just could not make out, for the life of her, via
all of the relevant data, in her Memory Banks! And, she knew, without a
doubt, that those evil Gelf Bastards dialect, was definitely not,
related to the well-known Gelf Kinitawowi dialect, anyhow!
Especially, as the well-known Kinitawowi Gelf tribes, were a peaceful
Gelf tribe. And, she knew without a doubt, that those evil Gelf's, in
question, who had briefly taken over, the ship, about two hundred years
ago, were definitely not, of peaceful origins!
And Holly, was pretty certain, that she would definitely remember, those
evil Gelf Bastards, if she ever made their acquaintance, again, that is!
However, there was something else, that was really troubling her,
especially, when she thought back, to the time, when she had first
noticed them, put in, an appearance, on her security monitors.
Unfortunately however, Holly, at this point, in time, could just not
recall, for the life of her, what was bothering her, about those evil
Gelf Bastards, even though, she knew, that she would soon remember, what
it was, in good time!
Unfortunately however, little did Holly know, that by the time, that she
had recalled, the very important fact, that had been bugging her, about
those evil Gelf Bastards, that would come back to her, when it was more
or less, far too late for her, and her fellow Dwarfer's, even though, it
was absolutely crucial, where their very lives, and her very existence,
was concerned! But sometimes, it is never too late, to recall the
things, that matter, in this life!
The Cat, Lister, and Kryten, also could not, help noticing, Holly's
rather scared tone of voice, and they could not control, the shivers,
that ran down, their spines, even though, she was doing her level best,
to show them, how brave, she had been, in the circumstances, where this
was concerned!
Again, Kryten had an awful feeling, that there was something very
familiar, about the evil Gelf's description, and he had a feeling, that
they might, hail, from his very own century, which was the Twenty Fifth
century. And, he also realised, that he had had, just about enough,
runtime left, to store the memory, of raising the subject, with Holly,
with regard, to him, having a feeling, that he thought, that there was
something very familiar, about the evil Gelf's description, and he had a
feeling, that they might, hail, from his very own century, which was the
Twenty Fifth century, as well, as raising, the subject, with Holly, with
regard, to his re-booting and re-initialising, Mr Rimmer, on Starbug,
just before the incident, with the Psiren's, was concerned...
And, as I had mentioned, just now, Kryten had stored, the memory of
processing his databanks, for any information, which would definitely
inform him, where he had gone wrong, where re-booting and
re-initialising, Mr Rimmer, on Starbug, was concerned, just before the
incident, with the Psiren's, and with regard, to him, having a feeling,
that there was the very remote possibility, that the evil Gelf's
origins, hailed from his very own century, which was the Twenty Fifth
century, for once and for all!
And, Kryten, promised himself, that he would soon recall, those facts,
in question, for future reference. But, as he had only been recharged,
via his maxi-recharging unit, in his quarters, for the best part of an
hour and forty five minutes, courtesy of Mr Lister, there wasn't a lot,
that he could do, about that, for the time being, anyhow!
Unfortunately however, little did, poor Kryten know, that by the time,
he found the time, to process, the necessary information, about the evil
Gelf's origins, and he had finally managed, to raise the subject, with
Holly, that those evil Gelf's, in question, had actually hailed, from
his very own century! The Twenty Fifth century. And therefore, certain
events would be destined, to conspire against him, from raising the
subject, with Holly, at a far more convenient juncture! And that, he
would finally get around, to raising the subject, with her, when it was,
more or less, far too late for him, and his fellow Dwarfer's, even
though, it was absolutely crucial, where their very lives, and his very
existence, was concerned! But sometimes, it is never too late, to recall
the things, that matter, in this life!
"Where are they now, Holly?" Kryten asked her. "Gone! For good, I 'ope!
They came on board the ship, scavenging, about two hundred years ago.
And that, had been mainly for food and drink. Why, they ate all of the
spam, on Level Thirteen of the food and alcoholic supplies, and they got
totally pissed, via our entire stock of Colt 45, which is no great loss,
really! But I soon put a stop to that, before they virtually, wiped out,
all of our food and our alcoholic supplies!". "And how did you do that,
Holly?" Lister asked her, with curiosity. Well, there is a set of Cargo
bay doors, by Level Thirteen, isn't there?". "You didn't?!". Lister
asked her, in a rather shocked tone of voice.
But that said, however, Holly wasn't too keen to show, any remorse,
where those evil Gelf Bastards, in question, were concerned, whatsoever,
when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! 'Something
wasn't quite right, about this...!', thought Lister. 'It just wasn't
like her, not to show any remorse, for wiping those evil Gelf's off the
face of deep space! In fact, even the Cat was deeply shocked by Holly's
completely desperate actions, with regard, to her disposing of those
evil Gelf's! And that, was saying something! And Kryten, was absolutely
expressionless! Mind you, Kryten always tended to look, rather
expressionless, at the best of times! You could not deny that, when it
actually came down to it, at the end of the day! But in these very tense
circumstances, the shock, on his Robotic features, was even more
noticeable, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day!
However, Holly had had her reasons, for bumping those evil Gelf Bastards
off, I can well assure, all of you noble and dedicated Dwarfer's out
there! And they had been very good reasons, I can tell you!
Especially, as Holly, had witnessed, via her security monitors, at the
time, the actions of what had passed, for the evil Gelf Leader, who had
taken, an extremely dedicated and mercenary inventory, of all of the
weapons, in the Munitions stores! Even the most hardened of human
beings, who had committed, the most grievous of murders, known to
mankind (even Hannibal Lecter!), would not have taken, such a merciless
and heartless inventory of all of the weapons, in the Dwarf's Munitions
Stores, just like that!
To pacify Lister and his fellow Dwarfer's, she informed them - "They
also took a damn good recce of our Munitions Stores, Dave, and they
managed to swipe and teleport some of our ammunition. Fortunately they
didn't manage to take too much of our ammunition, to make a significant
dent, where our ammunition supplies, are concerned. But it was bad
enough! And fortunately I managed to get rid of those evil Gelf Buggers,
before they'd have wiped out, our entire arsenal! Lister and his fellow
Dwarfers nodded in agreement, to this, even though, Holly knew
full-well, that they didn't seem entirely convinced, by her actions. But
she had got no time, to argue with them, and she just
hoped, that she had made her point strong enough, for Lister and his
fellow Dwarfers to take the hint, that those evil Gelf Bastards, were
more, than a very severe threat, to their very existence, when it
actually came down to it, at the end of the day! That would be more than
enough, for them to take, for the time being, as far as Holly, was
concerned, anyhow!
But that had not been entirely, why Holly had decided, to wipe them out,
of existence, for once and all! No, what had really disturbed her, was,
that she had not liked the evil Gelf's Leader's: Adjutant's extremely
dedicated and mercenary inventory, of the ships Pornographic material,
that was still lurking about, in the Bookstores, in the Red Dwarf
Shopping Mall! Holly had had, no objection, to the Gelf Adjutant, having
a look, at the Bookstores Pornographic material, in the Red Dwarf
Shopping Mall, in general! She did not begrudge anybody, from having a
bit of titillation, and sexual fun, as long, as it was all in good
taste! After all, she/he had seen a great deal of High Class
Space Corps officials (who were not unlike, British Members of
Parliament, or Politicians, the World over, who are a little bit
hypocritical, where their morals, are concerned, these days! Well does
anybody seriously think, that things, will change, where mankinds sexual
urges, in the Twenty Third Century, are concerned?! Human nature, will
never change, whatever century, anyone hails from, I am afraid! And, I
daresay, that the Cave Elders, who used to be in charge, when everybody,
was living, in the Stone Age, used to look, at the Erotic drawings, in
the caves, if they could get away with it! And, I am pretty certain,
that Erotic drawings, did exist, on the cave walls,
during the Stone Age! After all, where there is a will, there is always,
a way, I can tell you! Mind you, the way, that we are going, where the
Northern Rock and the Credit Crunch crisis, is going, with the Treasury
having to fund the Bank of England, with billions of pounds, we will be
going back, to living in caves, with the Cave Elders, in charge of the
country, all in good time! And, as Education standards, just keep on,
dropping! We might as well be, living in caves, all over again, for all
the good, that it is doing us! I can just see it coming! As George
Orwell had quoted from 1984: Ignorance
Is Strength! And it is getting to the point, where I will be more than
Happy, to live in a cave, where the Old Labour Party, is going! We
couldn't be any more worse off, when it actually comes down to it, at
the end of the day! And maybe, the Liberal Democrats may have a chance
of getting in, if we do have to go back, to living in caves, all over
again! And I will repeat, my message of hope, with regard, to the
Liberal Democrats moving in to Number 10, Downing Street, one day! They
are the Party, that is going places! I refuse to give up hope, where
that is concerned!), before the radiation incident, whose ships, had
linked up, with the Dwarf, for official Space Corps business, with
Captain Hollister, from time to time, via her security monitors, and
that wasn't due to security matters, on the Dwarf, either! It was just
to have a bit of entertainment, and a good laugh, at the time, really!
Well, we all do it, if we can get away with it, in this life, when it
actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! And, the high powered
Space Corps Officials, would usually, idly browse their way, through the
odd Adult Fiction novel, and a pornographic magazine, in the Bookstores,
in the Red Dwarf Shopping Mall, and they usually thought, that they
could get away with it, if they wore very dark sunglasses,
because they could usually explain, that they had got, severe problems,
where their eyesight, was concerned, and that, they were having
problems, locating the original reading material, that they really
wanted, which was usually: Controlling Pollution From Space Vessels, in
The Solar System And Beyond, I will quote, as an example, if they just
happened, to be caught out, browsing the latest edition of the
Pornographic magazine: LITTLE RASCAL, for example! Fortunately however,
the Space Corps Officials, who were a little bit hypocritical, were very
rarely caught out, with regard, to browsing through, any Pornographic
material, was concerned, in the Bookstores, in the Red Dwarf Shopping
Mall, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! Which is
usually the way, isn't it?! But Holly always knew who they were, where
that was concerned! They could not get away with it, where she was
concerned, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! Not,
that she ever did anything about it, that is! It was just a way of
getting away, from the extremely boring and very tedious
job, where running the ship, when concerned, when it actually came down
to it, at the end of the day!
No, it was the utterly evil and heartless way, that the evil Gelf
Leader's: Adjutant, had soaked up, every single piece of Pornographic
information, via the Pornographic material, in the Bookstores, in the
Red Dwarf Shopping Mall, especially where studying the specialised
section, where extreme sexual torture (or S and M, which had been a
typical pointless and trendy noughties way (early Twenty First Century)
way, of describing Sadomasochism, was concerned!), was concerned, via
the pornographic material, in the Bookstores, in the Red Dwarf Shopping
Mall, that had deeply disturbed her, when it had actually come down to
it, at the end of the day! Especially by the way, that the evil Gelf
Leader's: Adjutant, had studied it all, so intently, and with such
devotion, that had had her rather worried, when all was said and done!
In the end, however, it wasn't the utterly evil and heartless way, that
the evil Gelf Leader's: Adjutant, had soaked up, every single piece of
Pornographic
information, via the
pornographic material, in the Bookstores, in the Red Dwarf Shopping
Mall, and
that had finally clinched it for her, where the evil Gelf's demise, was
concerned!
No, what had been the deciding factor, for Holly, with regard, to
bumping off, those evil Gelf
Bastards, was concerned, had been mainly due, to the fact, that the evil
Gelf Leaders: Adjutant, had
decided, to take it, upon himself, to ransack, the dead crew members
belongings,
especially with regard, to all of the Pornographic material, that they
had accumulated, during the time, that they had been in residence, on
the Dwarf, before the radiation
incident, was
concerned! And that, had meant, that the evil Gelf Leaders: Adjutant,
would have
had, more than enough knowledge, of every sexual perversion, under the Sun,
which would definitely, have made him, a very dangerous proposition, to deal
with, and have around, in the foreseeable future! And, she shuddered to
think,
what he would have made, of Rimmer's highly prized collection of his
inflatable
Dolls: Ingrid and Rachel! And that, would have been very a dangerous
situation,
where her fellow Dwarfer's, were concerned, when they eventually, came to
board the ship, once again! And even, if the evil Gelf Bastards, had taken
it, upon
themselves, to leave the ship, with their collection of ammunition, and
Pornographic
material, Holly had reasoned, that they would have been a terrible
threat, to
every peace
loving Gelf, and Simulant, who were still residing, in the entire
Universe! And there
was always
the possibility, of there being, more humanoids and humans, like Lister
about (well not
quite like,
Lister! No normal human being, could be like, Dave Lister, when it actually
came
down to it, at the end of the day! Marie Birch), even though, Holly had
seriously
doubted that!
But one never knew... And Holly had felt, that she was doing the right
thing, by
bumping those evil Gelf Buggers, off, while she had got the chance!
Unfortunately however, little did, Holly know, that they would all pay,
for her thoughtful actions, in time, where wiping out, those evil
Gelf's, were concerned, very dearly, indeed...!
However, Holly decided not, to let her fellow Dwarfer's know, what had
finally clinched it for her, with regard, to bumping those evil Gelf's off,
was concerned, when all was said and done! She felt, that some things,
were best left, unsaid, and that,
Lister, Rimmer, Kryten, and even the Cat, might eventually, work it all out,
in good time! And she vowed, to herself, that if they didn't, eventually
work
it all out, she would tell them all, the whole truth, with regard to bumping
those evil Gelf's off, one day, for once and for all! But she really didn't
think,
that it was a very nice subject, to raise with them all, at a quarter to
ten, in the
morning, anyhow! And, at that point, in time, she was extremely anxious, to
get
started, where their course, back to Earth, was concerned. And, as they were
going, to be slowed down, enough, as it was, with regard, to getting out, of
that
current area of deep space, in question, was concerned, the last very thing,
that
she wanted to create, was a panic, via informing, her fellow Dwarfer's, of
her
true intentions, of just exactly why, she had wiped out, those evil Gelf
Bastards,
at this point, in time! And Lister, desperately needed to catch up, with his
sleep!
And, what was more, he did not have Rimmer, to back him, and the others up,
for the time being! Not, that she really would have wanted Rimmer,
disturbing
Lister's sleep, anyhow! Not, that Rimmer, would have backed Lister, and
the others up, all that brilliantly, anyway. But he was always useful to
have
around, in a crisis! After all, he had always managed to keep Lister sane,
after the radiation incident, over three million, and four hundred and four
years
ago! And somehow, Rimmer, always managed to remain calm, whenever their
lives, were all in danger, which would usually get them out, of the perilous
situation,
that they were all in, which was nothing short of a miracle! She could not
deny
him that advantage, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day!
Why, the poor Cat was absolutely and utterly jiggered, by now! And
Kryten, also
desperately,
needed ten more hours, of recharging time, via his maxi-recharging unit, in
his quarters,
which would truly benefit him, and enable him, to be of any real use, where
offering his
support, to Lister, and the others, were concerned!
And if any kissing cousins, of those evil Gelf Bastards, suddenly
decided, that
they wanted,
to have, their revenge, on every living being, on the ship, in the near
future, Lister
and company, would be, in no fit state, whatsoever, to take them on! But
Holly,
seriously doubted, that would happen, and she had a very strong feeling, in
her gut,
that she may have wiped, nearly all, of the evil Gelf Buggers out, for once
and for
all! But that said, she wasn't going to take any chances, where that was
concerned,
if she could help it! And she wanted a sense of morale, to be
maintained, on board the ship,
for the time
being, especially where setting underway, on their journey, back to
Earth, was
concerned,
once again!
And not only that, she wanted, to instill a sense of order and routine, back
on the ship, before she started letting on, about the evil Gelf's general
day
to day hobbies, to her fellow Dwarfers! But that said, however, she
promised herself, that would, definitely inform, her fellow Dwarfer's
about the situation, when she felt, that the time, was right!
Unfortunately however, as it turned out, Holly never did, inform her
fellow Dwarfer's, about
the evil Gelf's sadistic and perverted tendencies, until it was almost
too late, to save
their
lives! And therefore, however, certain events would be destined, to
conspire against
her, from raising the subject, with her fellow Dwarfer's, where that was
concerned, at a far more convenient juncture! And in the end, she would
finally
get around, to raising the subject, with her fellow Dwarfer's, when it was,
more or less, far too late for her, and her fellow Dwarfer's, even though,
it
was absolutely crucial, where saving their very lives, and her very
existence,
was concerned! But sometimes, it is never too late, to recall the
things, that matter, in this life!
Holly ignored Lister's shocked tone of voice, and she stated - "Yep, I
opened the Cargo bay doors, and I flushed the evil Gelf buggers, out into
deep space! And to make sure, that none of them, could come back, for
revenge, via
the evil Gelf's ship, I turned off, the Dwarf's oxygen and electrical
supplies,
for the best part of two hundred years! The Cargo bay has got, its own
Stasis
Shield units, where the food supplies, are concerned. So, no worries there!
And, I have got an independent, computerised life support system, which
is completely and utterly free of the Dwarf's life support systems!".
"And what happened, after
that?" the Cat suddenly interjected. "Well, the remainder of the evil Gelf
Bastards,
just skeddadled, in their ship, not long, after I had bumped off, those evil
Gelf
Bastards, via the Cargo Bay doors, on Level Thirteen! But that said,
however, I
thought,
that it was, in everybody's best interests, for me, to lie low, via my
turning off,
the ships oxygen and electrical supplies, for the best part of two hundred
years,
when all was said and done! And so far, they have been gawn, for the best
part,
of two hundred years!". Holly confidently, informed her fellow Dwarfer's.
Lister had suddenly got, a very bad sense of foreboding, where all of
this was concerned! And
he felt, that Holly was definitely missing something out, where all of
this, was concerned!
But he decided, not to voice his fears, for the time being. And besides,
he was a little bit too tired, and a little bit, too past caring, by
then, to really care and worry, about that, when all was said and done!
And by the time, that Lister, was in a fit state, to raise the matter,
with Holly, and
she had eventually informed, her fellow Dwarfer's, about the evil Gelf's
sadistic and perverted
tendencies, she would have reached the point, when it would be, almost too
late,
to save their lives, when all was said and done!
And therefore, certain events would be destined, to conspire against Lister,
from
raising the subject, with his fellow Dwarfer's, where that was concerned, at
a
far more convenient juncture! And that, he would finally get around, to
raising
the subject, with his fellow Dwarfer's, when it was, more or less, far too
late,
for him, and his fellow Dwarfer's, even though, it was absolutely crucial,
where
saving their very lives, and Holly's very existence, was concerned! But
sometimes,
it is never too late, to recall the things, that matter, in this life!
Lister suddenly stated in a rather loud and very impatient voice -
- "Well, we had better get the HELL out of here then, before any of the
relatives, of those evil scumbags, get their smeg back, together, and
prepare, for a little thing, like a revenge attack!". Holly suddenly
interruped - "In a minute, Dave! Don't be so impatient! I have got a few
things, to go over with you, all, where our course, back to Earth, is
concerned! And besides, it isn't as simple, as all that!
I am afraid, that we cannot just clear out, of this area of deep space,
just like that!". "And, why not?!" the Boyz from the Dwarf, stated, in
shocked unison. "I am afraid, that I have got, some good news, and some
bad news!"...
And now, that Lister has met up, with a very disorientated Kryten, and an
utterly shattered Cat, who are now, fully aware, of what has happened,
where Rimmer's exact whereabouts, are concerned. Will Holly be able to
resolve, the problem, that is affecting his Light Bee, where restoring him,
is
concerned, over the next forty eight hours? The question is: Does Holly,
even want to restore him?! And who can blame her, for having her doubts,
where that is concerned?!
And now, that a completely knackered up, Lister, and an utterly
shattered Cat,
and a very disorientated Kryten, who by now, are fully aware, of the fact,
that there have been some evil Gelf's, of unknown origins, in residence,
on the
Dwarf, about two hundred years previously. Will they have, the complete
and utter misfortune, to encounter those evil Gelf's, in question,
before they can even set off again, where their route, back
to Earth, is concerned?! They couldn't be, that unlucky, could they?!
And just exactly what, is the good news and bad news, that Holly has
now got, for the Boyz from the Dwarf, with regard, to their present
situation, on the Dwarf, where their route, back to Earth, is concerned?!
And will Lister be able, to give poor Kryten, the re-charging time of ten
hours, via his maxi-recharging unit, in his quarters, that is absolutely
essential, to enable him, to perform his duties, adequately and sufficiently
enough, on the Dwarf, one hundred percent, before the Cat gets his hands,
on him, to clean his Sleeping quarters out, before he can get around, to
getting
the Skutters, to do all, of the repairs, that are absolutely necessary, to
the roof,
of the corridor, and clean up, the corridor, by Rimmer and Lister's Sleeping
quarters, and cleaning out, Rimmer and Lister's Sleeping quarters?
And now, that we have discovered, that our perky pal, Talkie Toaster, has
finally stopped functioning, after keeping Holly company, for the best part
of four hundred and two years, will Kryten, ever be able to repair him,
after
he is up and running, again?! Or do we really want, Talkie Toaster, up and
running again, especially if he is going, to make constant demands, of the
Boyz from the Dwarf, to eat, a load of bread related products, in the near
future?!
And will Lister, ever get a good nights sleep, and not come to blows, with
the Cat, before they set off, for Earth, once again?!
And exactly, just what, is the significance, of the long Silver Space ship,
especially, where the radio signal, and those two large Silver Coffins,
are concerned?!
Find out all this and more, in the next exciting instalment of:
The Alternative Red Dwarf!
My new version of the Alternative Red Dwarf, which is actually set, on
the Dwarf, is now available, for viewing, or downloading, at:
http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/mainaltreddwarf.htm
If you would like to go directly on to my Unoffical Xanadu Red Dwarf
Website, the web reference is:
http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/xanadureddwarf.htm
Now available on my Unofficial Xanadu Red Dwarf Website.
A review of Red Dwarf VIII filmed live at Shepperton Studios of the 4th
of December 1998!
Some new Red Dwarf links on The Unofficial Xanadu Red Dwarf Links
Website, which includes links to:
Red Dwarf: The Official Website.
The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club Website (UK, Eire and Europe).
The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club Website (U.S.A, Australia and
New Zealand).
The Craig Charles Funk and Soul MySpace Website.
The Unofficial Craig Charles Website.
The Unofficial Captain Butler Website.
The Danny John-Jules MySpace Website
The BBC CBBC MI High Website
The BBC CBeebies Story Makers Website
The Hideout (A Maid Marian and Her Merry Men Website)
Kryten's Homepage.
The Unofficial Chloe Annett and The Unofficial Clare Grogan Websites.
The Unofficial Emile Charles Website.
The Inquisitor Red Dwarf Group and The Inquisitor Red Dwarf Website.
The Josie Pargery Red Dwarf - Discussion/Fan Fiction Message Board.
And on The Unofficial Xanadu Red Dwarf Website, itself, are:
Future Red Dwarf Projects.
The Xanadu Red Dwarf Favourite Episode Guide
has recently, been updated!
The Xanadu Red Dwarf Fact File Website.
A review of the film: Xanadu, and the lyrics for the
theme song: Xanadu by Olivia Newton-John!
A review of the Red Dwarf VII Extended episodes:
Tikka To Ride/Ouroboros/Duct Soup/Possible
unedited material for Red Dwarf VII, plus a review
of Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg/The Tenth Anniversary
Smeg Ups/Universe Challenge and The Children In
Need sketch.
The Explanation For The Time Drive in Transporting
The Red Dwarf Posse Back To Earth in Tikka To Ride:
(Episode I, Red Dwarf VII), as well as, The Heady
Medieval Atmosphere of 15th Century Space!
A review of the Red Dwarf VIII episodes: Back
In The Red I to III!
Recently added to: The Unofficial Xanadu Red Dwarf Website: A Review of
Red Dwarf VII by Marie Birch and Kevin Blake, and An Additional Review
of Red Dwarf VII by Marie Birch!
For those of you, who are interested, in my Unofficial Craig Charles
Website, the web reference is:
http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/craigcharles.htm
Recently added to: The Unofficial Craig Charles Website: A link has been
set up for Suzanne Rhatigan's (Kochanski Camille) Website.
A Craig Charles Career Profile.
For those of you, who are interested, in my Unofficial
Captain Butler Website, the web reference is:
http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/captainbutler.htm
Recently added to: The Unofficial Captain Butler Website:
A link has been set up, for the Captain Pugwash
Website/The Captain Butler Maritime and
Non-Maritime Incidents Website, informs you, all about,
The Mary Celeste Mystery and just exactly, how old,
Admiral Horatio Nelson, was, when he lost his arm!
The Captain Butler Good and Evil Pirates Website,
informs you, about, all, that you need to know, about,
Blackbeard, and the renowned legitimate Pirate:
Sir Francis Drake!
And my Captain Butler Fan Fiction: On The Goodship
Lady Captain has recently been updated!
For those of you, who are interested, in finding out more,
about the late actor: Barry Evans, who starred, in the
Doctor series, and Mind Your Language, and not to mention,
the films: Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush, Die
Screaming Marianne, The Adventures of a Taxi Driver,
and Under The Doctor. And Barry also appeared, alongside,
the late actor and comedian: Dick Emery, in the 1982 BBC
Comedy series: Emery: Legacy of Murder. Then please go to:
http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/barryevans.htm
For those of you who are interested in the Doctor series,
the web reference is:
http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/doctorseries.htm
I am also in the process of working on a review of the very
first episode of the Doctor series: Why Do You Want To
Be A Doctor?
For those of you who are interested in Mind Your Language,
the web reference is:
http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/mindyourlanguage.htm
I am also in the process of working on a review of the very
first episode of Mind Your Language: The First Lesson.
With regard to these reviews, they are incomplete, due to time
constraints, but they are available, for viewing or downloading,
via the appropriate Websites, above, and they will always be,
permanently available, for this purpose! And when, they are
complete, it will be my intention, to notify, the various newsgroups,
to whom, they have been posted to! But in the meantime however,
my sincere apologies, for any delays, caused, anyway, and my thanks,
go to all, on alt.comedy.british, who are interested, in my Barry Evans/
/Doctor series and Mind Your Language Website's, anyway! And, it is
always nice to know, that there is more, than enough interest, to make
it, more, than worth my while, to keep, those websites going! Thank you!
However, I am intending, to do brief plot summaries, of all, of the
Doctor series episodes and Mind Your Language episodes, when, I next
work, on my Barry Evans/Doctor series and Mind Your Language Websites,
as the reviews, that I am doing, of each episode, are very in-depth,
indeed, and they may, take up, a lot of web space, in the meantime! And
it is probably, for the best, if I set up, Episode Summary Websites, in
the meantime, which will be, considerably shorter anyway, and for all
fans, of the Doctor series, and Mind Your Language series, then at the
very least, I have always, got something, that, will give them,
something, to keep them going, for quite, a long time!
I will also, put up, a short independent notice, for this purpose, as
soon, as it is possible, for me, to do so, anyway, especially, as I do
get, a lot of enquiries, via email, in general, via the Doctor series
and Mind Your Language series, from all over, the world!
More recently, on my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British
Comedy Website, you may be interested, to know, that, there are also
links set up, for The Unofficial Men From The Ministry Website, and an
Unoffical Maid Marian and Her Merry Men Website.
Recently added to: The Unoffical Maid Marian and Her Merry Men Website
A Photograph of Maid Marian and Her Merry Men
The Maid Marian and Her Merry Men: Episode List
The Maid Marian and Her Merry Men: Plot Summaries of The Scripts Website
Recent Maid Marian and Her Merry Men: Updates.
Links set up for: Other Maid Marian and Her Merry Men Websites.
Maid Marian and Her Merry Men - Robin's Pages
The Hideout
Maid Marian and Her Merry Men
And for those of you who are interested in my Maid Marian and Her Merry
Men Website, then please go to:
http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/maidmarianandhermerrymen
And for those of you who are interested in Lynne Guy's General
Information and Classic British Comedy Website, then please go to:
http://www.viola123.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/lynnes.htm
On my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British Comedy
Website, you will find links set up for:
Our Astronomy Website.
The College Of Adult Education in Wolverhampton Website.
The I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again Website.
The Cats Protection League Headquarters Website.
Wildlife Park Kirkcudbright Website.
Kevin Blake's: Puzlebox Hobbies and Puzzlebox Business Websites.
The Official Website Of The British Monarchy.
Recently added, to my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic
British Comedy Website, you can find a Web page, which informs you all
about me: Marie Birch!
Recently added, to my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic
British Comedy Website.
A message of sympathy for the families of the victims and the
Firefighters, who lost their lives, via the attacks, on The World Trade
Centre and The Pentagon, in the United States of America.
That's All For Now, Folks!
Marie Birch