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WIP - Chapters 78 and 79 Dah first fight club I wrote I wrote.
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Kevin Anderson
Apr 8, 2022, 7:02:20 PM4/8/22
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Chapter 80 - The Trailer
Chapter 78. - One last story.
I've published this separately. MOST of you will want to skip to the next chapter. This one is a poem/song cycle. The next chapter is called 'Chapter 80 - The Trailer'
Chapter 79 - Godzilla
A po-em.
If I had a huge noggin, I wouldn't go joggin',
Would you for true?
Run! Godzilla!
-----
Here.
A po-em II
The actual title of this poem is two lines that don't rhyme.
It's second line, the vulgar will chime.
Its first line, actually major title, has punctuation.
As does its second, although it's only hyphenation.
As there is no 3rd line to this poem's title,
More than two stanzas SHOULD be unnecessary to include it in my Po-em Bible.
This is the second stanza,
Do a lil' dance-a!
Some asshole will call me up in the middle of the night telling me that the poem's title is 'two lines that don't rhyme.'
It isn't, bullshit like that should be a crime.
-----
A po-em III
If I were to were to write a po-em about Poe,
I'd certainly be tempted to change the word po-em to poe-m.
Now, nobody I've ever met, would want to read a non-dramatic work about Poe,
However, this piece is comedic, so I think I'll keep it po-em.
If you've seen, the skies, the lights, the days,
Then you'd know that this poem isn't REALLY about Edgar Allen Poe.
It's about his handpuppet,
Let me tell you more,
Poe is a family name.
The puppet was part of his family.
There was also a wee mousie, a cookie that had petrified, and a sock that may or may not someday become another handpuppet.
Now you can laugh.
Yeah, I know it's not funny yet.
This part is,
Handpuppet.
Yah gettin' this?
Hm.
Line 2
Handpuppet.
Line 4.
After that, I know many of you are saying, 'nevermore.'
That space was for laughter, I never met the handpuppet.
Now I can say, quite comfortably, nobody I know would ever wanna read ANOTHER non-dramatic work about Poe.
-----
A po-em IV.
I never saw a poem
that ever made me scream.
This one
Prob'ly will.
I can't tell you if I wrote this,
I typed it,
I thought of it too.
What do you think?
Well, it could be,
that wen I wuz a widdle bitty baby,
someone hypmotized me
See it on its side there?
So deep within me
Is a repository of poetry,
For me?
To b a Skald, or Bard, or Woody Guthrie.
I might also
write verse.
V is for Victory,
Coffee with chicory.
You can scream now if you want to,
Although I know,
Some of you will just be six.
SEEEEEEE! DAH POWER OF HYPMOSSSSSISSSSSSSSS!
-----
A po-em V.
Once upon a time,
A long time ago,
Early in the Stone Age.
There was this idiot.
He had a hat.
It wasn't a magic hat,
He thought it was though.
So he'd pour milk in it,
Kept a rabbit in it,
and cards always kept falling out of it when he put it on his head.
Now, to have a hat like that,
Especially during the Stone Age,
You'd think it might actually be a magic hat.
I know, you're impressed.
I am too.
That someone from long, long ago before modern magic paradigms, could have a hat, with a rabbit, cards, and milk.
The blinking shame of it,
Is that the hat, the rabbit, the cards, and the milk,
Were all made of stone.
'Wait a minute!' I can hear you saying,
'How'd he fit all those things in a hat?'
Well, his head was kinda flat,
Especially after a couple years of wearing the hat.
-----
A po-em VI.
Once upon a time,
there was a po-em.
See how I rhymed 'time' with po-em?
I won't do THAT again.
-----
A Magic Hat
A po-em VII.
I had a magic hat? No, magic hats are forever.
Like your cat,
Like a marble,
Like futuretime,
Like a cookie.
A big cookie,
Shaped like a hat.
Read your dog this poem,
Tell him you'll make him or her a cookiehat.
Fucker will just stare at you,
Just like you're staring at this poem.
Kinda happy? No.
Kinda staring at it.
The future.
The past.
Dog clamped on your leg,
for saying 'cookiehat'.
I got a better hat though,
It says
FREE COOKIEHAT
in miniscule script.
All I know,
TA-DA!
Except,
I also know 'Ala-Kazaam'
'P-TAH!'
'Mister Jeezermeister' (try it when you're drunk, it's funnier.)
and of course,
The Magic Word of the FUTURE:
ABBA
-----
A po-em VII.
There can be only ONE!
To see the signs,
the fences,
the nitro.
You must first hear the sound of the blossom.
It sounds soft,
gentle,
sweet,
kind,
and all in all as a word to describe a blossom should sound.
Only, this isn't about blossoms.
This po-em is about 11 lines long.
-----
A po-em VII.
How to write bad poetry.
This po-em is about Poe's handpuppet,
brightly festooned in motley,
So Morose,
Tee hee! Look at the bad hair!
Hah hah hah hah hah hah haaaaaa!
Hah hah hah hah hahhhh
Whut you making that face for?
I'm not talking to you.
Blah blah blah monkeys and cookies and circuses
Ding dong! Ding dong! Loud as you can! DING DONG!
What you eat catfood?
When do I get MY paycheck loverboy?
Dat crazy John Adams!
Woah hoh hoh Eli Whitney.
You voted for yourself.
Dah bestest Joey HanPUppet In the LAnnn-nnnn-nnnn<koff, wheeze>d!!!!
-----
A po-em XI.
Halleluj.
Once upon a time,
Ah no, not that.
Today in sport's news…
Ah screw that too.
See how that rhymes with Halleluj?
-----
A po-em X.
Once upon a time,
there was this guy,
His name was Edgar Allen Not-Poe
Now, none of those lines rhyme,
I know you wonder why,
It's so I can say this po-em isn't about Edgar Allen Not-Poe
Disgust,
Terror,
It's about his handpuppet's handpuppet.
You'll ask, you must,
'Why is there a hyphen in Not-Poe? That MUST be an error.'
Because his handpuppet's handpuppet is really a fingerpuppet, so this poem isn't precise in its linguistics-et.
I know that's not really a word.
But it rhymes with handpuppet.
So does handpuppet.
Here. Bored?
Handpuppet
Handpuppet-et.
YES! The handpuppet ate the other handpuppet.
So there's a handpuppet,
and a handpuppet-et.
This is going to be so easy to rhyme, Godzilla hat!
The full handpuppet is a happy, Godzilla hat!
The et handpuppet is et. AND IT WAS THE ONE WEARING THE GODZILLA HAT!
-----
A po-em XIII.
The history of Pontimilo.
Once upon a time,
there was a young horseback rider named Pontimilo,
He had a Godzilla Hat.
It was a hat shaped like Godzilla.
He didn't know it was meant to rhyme,
He also didn't didn't know that his name was meant to rhyme with mellow,
He had a Godzilla Hat.
It looked like ivy. Except Godzilla.
So, young Pontimilo went riding far far from his usual pathways.
He found himself neatly situated between where the sun rises and the sun sets.
He was kind of an Everyman. Except of course for the Godzilla Hat.
He was also munching a quesadilla.
Byways, long highways, slow traffic, hilarious.
I just rhymed pathways and hilarious, gentlefolk, place your bets.
That this third line, won't end, in Godzilla Hat.
This is a song of Pontimilo, the first harbinger of Godzilla.
-----
Po-em XIV
A Godzilla Hat of the Future
In the future,
There's this guy with a Godzilla Hat,
His name is The Cat, Imagine That
The reason he has a Godzilla Hat
is because he is The Cat,
Also, because it is the future.
Godzilla came, saw, and stomped
The books of the former Godzilla Hats
Showed him all that
That's why The Cat
Will wear a Godzilla Hat,
Although he may be comped.
This future is secure though
His lack of a Godzilla Hat may lead to all woe
Because a proper Godzilla Hat doesn't take a lot of dough.
Whoa!
I just rhymed 3 words with one roughly similar syllabo
Don't expect that often yo!
Still, it's easier when you know the future,
Helps you dodge the FUTUREGODZILLAHATCENSORSHIP
And helps you understand the FUTUREGODZILLHATCENSORSHIP
This has been a song of The Cat from the future.
Censored by someone else in the future with Godzilla Hats,
Robot police bats, and bat-kata of something that rhymes with rogue scientist super mattes. Probably just Godzilla Hats.
-----
A po-em XV
This po-em is about Not-Not-Poe's handpuppet's handpuppet.
This po-em is SOOOOOO not about Not-Not-Poe's handpuppet's handpuppet.
It's about 2 lines long.
-----
A po-em XVI.
Godzilla hat
Once upon a time,
A young Fra Angelico,
Made a Godzilla hat.
This Godzilla Hat
was the first Godzilla hat, except for that of Pontimilo
who disappeared into rhyme,
I try not to talk about Pontimilo,
his flagrant violations of the Godzilla hat nation
are the stuff of sartorial legend.
This po-em is about Fra Angelico's strange hat bend,
The Godzilla hat made of a miniature coach station.
It was a childhood toy of Fra Angelico.
Rosebud
This po-em is not about Rosebud.
It's about Assflower.
Assflower,
being the name of Fra Angelico's Rosebud
It was half wooden sticks and half rivermud.
I just used Rosebud to rhyme with rivermud.
I'd imagine, you want that one to disappear too.
A po-em XVII
Gennette of Binklesworth.
Gennette was born Ginny Binklesworth,
This po-em isn't about Gennette.
It's about 3 lines long
-----
A po-em XVIII
The Skies.
This po-em is about Not-Gennette of Binklesworth.
She had a tidy sum,
from a far-off sale.
She bought a whole bunch of ale
She drank some
And her handpuppet drank the rest. that handpuppet being Gennette of Binklesworth.
But while her handpuppet was drinking,
her handpuppet's handpuppet drowned in the keg
Poor Gennette of Binklesworth.
For her handpuppet was Pontomilo who also was of Binklesworth,
I know you're trying to figure out how I'm going to fit Godzilla Hat in here but I tell you true, It was too big to fit in the keg.
So he left the Godzilla Hat in the care of Gennette of Binklesworth.
While that's the last that ever was seen of Pontimilo,
His hat will turn up again,
It being a Godzilla Hat.
Imagine that,
A Godzilla Hat turning up again.
Just like Godzilla that, and of course Golo,
Who she sold the Godzilla Hat to.
A po-em IXX
OK. One more po-em about Pontimilo,
Pontimilo's horse is the key here.
Yes, Gennette of Binklesworth.
So he rode Gennette to the fountain, to the garden, to the kitchen, to the marketplace.
And eventually Not-Gennette of Binklesworth sold his hat to Golo.
So this po-em would have to be about 7 lines long.
A po-em XX
The Lights
Annette of Oxnard was the third harbinger of Godzilla
She knew that mutation was a dangerous thing
And she made a hat to prove it.
Yes, it was a Godzilla hat.
She wore it well
Never wanted to take it off.
That's a good thing,
After awhile it was part of her balance system
Her full name was lost to the ages
Her last name doesn't matter.
In 1935 she heard the rumbles.
Knew they'd kabloo.
Idiots then too.
Government showed up at her door,
Eminent domaining her forevermore
She wore the Godzilla hat,
and she wore it well.
If I were to tell you true,
regarding what her hat means to you,
then you'd be all like foo-foo-foo.
That's why I won't tell you,
Because her Godzilla hat
was bigger than big oil.
What does it take to flush an oil system?
Enough hot water.
What does it take to make a Godzilla hat?
Whatever you have around.
Wear the Godzilla hat.
Be the Godzilla hat.
Wear the Godzilla hat.
Be the Godzilla hat.
Annette made hers of flowers,
and ate the Godzilla hat.
The third harbinger of Godzilla
Ate her own floral hat.
It happened to be a Godzilla hat,
Which is why I wrote a po-em about that.
Annette's Rose Godzilla hat.
That she ate with lemon and salt.
-----
a pO-EM xxi
mY cAPSLOCK'S bROKE1
a LONG< LONG< TIME AGO
mORE RECENT THAN "oNCE UPON A TIME"
bUT NOT AS RECENT AS LAST WEEK
yOUNG pONTIMILO'S gODZILLA HAT
fOUND ITS WAY TO A yOUNG cHE gUEVARA
wHO PUT IT ON HIS HEAD<
AND HAD THIS TO SAY<
'tHIS IS A REALLY TEENY HAT1'
-----
A po-em XXII
The one where I rhyme Godzilla and quesadilla.
If I were to rhyme Godzilla
With something other than quesadilla
It'd be a real thrilla'
that po-em about Godzilla.
But this is the one where I rhyme Godzilla
With the simple goodness of a quesadilla.
One for Godzilla.
A government quesadilla.
This quesadilla
is rilla
with a lot of tortilla
Shoutout to Jovovich, Milla
Wanna bite of my quesadilla?
Too bad cuz it's in my bella.
-----
From the upcoming book. 'The Big Book of Vogon Poetry.'
A po-em XIV
Softening you up for po-em L: Godzilla
When the day came for Not-Gennette of Binklesworth to sell Pontimilo's hat to Golo,
He rode poor Gennette half-to-death.
He was better known as The Real Golo, who sold the hat of Pontimilo to Not-The-Real-Golo. But everyone else just knew them as Golo.
Yes, Golo had a handpuppet named Not-The-Real-Golo as well.
So for the whisker of a golden lion Golo sold the hat of Pontimilo to Not-The-Real-Golo.
Now, please, don't mistake Golo for the Golo of Brabant, just because Golo was a more common name back then. Like Lalo today. We've all met someone named Lalo either in person or online. At least here in fair Californ-I-ay.
That's where Golo was from? No. Golo was from SOUTH Brabant. Everyone knew him as Golo of South Brabant. Mainly to distinguish him from the notorious Golo of Brabant.
The first Godzilla hat still exists today. Well. We'll get to that later.
What? You want rhymes?
The hat of Pontimilo
Was sold to Golo
For the sum of a whisker,
and Genette of Binklesworth was thrown in as part of the trade, for she had bit him where it hurts.
His cheek.
Bad handpuppet horse!
Bad handpuppet horse!
-----
A po-em XXV
The Cat, Harbinger #4
Once upon a time,
in the Pacific Ocean
A nuclear weapon was detonated.
It's not that the weapon itself was the problem,
It was the radiation the weapon released.
That radiation irradiated a turtle egg.
That turtle egg's shell disappeared,
It glowed blue for awhile,
And then hatched.
That turtle without a shell
Grew strong and fast,
fish frys on the island of Galapagos.
Then,
one day,
in the wind of the palms.
He heard his name.
Godzilla.
-----
A po-em XXVI
The Secret of
-----
A po-em XXVII
The Days
In an old movie, I once saw a man shot.
Well, it was more than once,
and more than one old movie.
There was this guy,
He waved his pistol around,
When he got to the end of the hallway,
He fell on the ground.
His name was El Pistola
He was always all pistola,
so when he shot things,
they applauded.
He shot more things,
and more things,
and more things,
and then…
He reached into the crowd,
and picked up a little person
who he'd paid to dress as a child.
Now, when he was lifted, he was very loud,
the little person that is, his name,
Was Not-Not-Poe.
He knew Edgar Allen Poe.
Sometimes,
late at night,
He'd climb on Poe's roof.
He'd make chicken noises,
He made them on the roof,
He made them at the window,
and then,
One night, Not-Not-Poe stole El Pistola's pistola.
Boy was El Pistola pistolad.
So he chased Not-Not Poe
Far from his home,
And there, alone El Pistola found himself set upon by 9 little people.
He was chased across a whole county,
From Innsbruck County to New Hastings,
What he found there is one of the greatest moments of the Godzilla Hat Nation.
It was long, thin, strand of something that glowed.
He stared at it for minute,
and it stopped glowing.
It was a strange glow, he'd seen it befo',
Near pitchblende.
So there and then,
he vowed to discover what that glow was.
It was a simple thing, it was Spaghetti.
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti.
The Clintons are selling some,
Pay me some money guys.
However, it was glowing Spaghetti,
There, on the hill, between New Hastings and Innsbruck County.
-----
A po-em XXVIII
So that blue spaghetti. Because that's what it was after the glow diminished.
It had kind of an herbal taste to it,
like an infusion of leaves.
So El Pistola went to all the apothecaries, distilleries (he did that anyways,) cafés, ristorantes, and pubs (he did that anyway too,)
What the 9 didn't tell him,
is that there is a 10th,
they've never seen him.
They're pretty sure it's a him,
because of how he pisses,
Actually is a him, he still lives,
and he still has El Pistola's pistola.
His name,
was given to him by the little people,
He didn't have one for awhile,
ate sparingly in the cool weather,
no energy to forage.
You see,
When that nuclear weapon hit,
And irradiated the turtle egg,
It chrono-twinned.
The shell was more irradiated and it just chrono'd
So Glow in the Dark Spaghetti,
The name given to him by the little people.
For his favorite gag for evildoers…
Well, I'll let you put the pieces together,
He urinates glowing blue,
The glow fades as it drains into the earth.
And everybody loves spaghetti!
-----
A po-em XXIX.
This poem isn't about Glow in the Dark Spaghetti. It's about 1 line long.
-----
A po-em XXX
So, let's get back,
Not-Not-Poe's handpuppet had a handpuppet
It was a hat.
Not a Godzilla hat mind you,
But still a hat.
How can a hat be a handpuppet?
That is by definition,
A hat you see,
has a crown and a brim,
And if you put your fingers in the crown,
and your thumb under the brim,
And squeeze,
You have a handpuppet indeed.
Now, earlier handpuppets,
didn't all have working mouths,
Some were like rotating stickheads
Like Ollie of TV Land.
Now as we've established, a handpuppet's handpuppet can be a fingerpuppet,
And that's what Not-Not-Poe's handpuppet's handpuppet was.
Her name was was Not-Glow in the Dark Spaghetti.
Now, the story thus far,
Stone hat
Fra Angelico's hat
Pontimilo's hat
(which became Golo's hat)
Not-Not Poe's hat
Annette of Oxnard's hat
And in the Future? The Cat's hat.'
That's a lot of hats.
Let's add a couple more.
the first one we'll get to in the next po-em
It's Edgar Allen Poe's hat.
That's how his hair got like that.
The second one,
Is kind of what this whole song cycle is about,
It's Godzilla's Godzilla hat.
Hm. How am I gunna rhyme that?
-----
A po-em XXXI
Godzilla's Welcome.
So Godzilla roamed to Japan.
Far from his home in Galapagos.
There, he was welcomed,
They knew he was young,
and they wanted to discern whether he was focused on peaceful pursuits, or war.
So they made a giant samurai sword,
and a 30-ft tall basketball.
Godzilla was ANGRY!
He'd seen Lone Wolf & Cub
He was no infant to be toyed with!
He picked up the ball and tore it in two,
Lay down on the ground and bent the sword into a circle, lengthwise, using his radioactive breath to bend the sword like it was plastic. He then affixed the sword to half the torn basketball. By denaturing both with his breath, mooshing them together with his fingers and quenching them in the Sea of Japan.
The reason he had to lay on the ground to pick up the sword? Because he had very short arms.
This nifty trick of Haberdashery
demonstrated peaceful uses of radioactivity
So Godzilla was made a member of Japan's citizenry.
-----
A poe-m XIV
This poem IS about Edgar Allen Poe.
You see,
Godzilla knew his name,
It was for friends.
So when the naturalization people
asked him what his name was,
He hissed 'Edgar Allen Poe'.
-----
A po-em XXXIV
There is only one
at that point.
Still, in the trees,
at night,
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti
-----
A po-em XXVIII
So, a long time ago,
not as long ago as The Stone Age,
but a lot longer than you or I,
A turtle, hatched near 'some weirdo' (his words)
said weirdo proceeded to put two handpuppets on his hands and him on top of them balanced precariously like a hat.
Imagine that,
A brother of Godzilla hat.
You know Golo is gunna get it,
just wait.
-----
A po-em XXXV.
What hair?
Are you talking about Edgar Allen Poe?
Or Edgar Allen Poe?
Of course I'm talking about Edgar Allen Poe.
He of the mutated turtle form.
Did he come back yo?
Poe?
No.
as he said, 'Never mo''.
Still, back to Godzilla,
His mission still wasn't complete,
His hat was to warm his quesadilla,
Just kinda lay it up there and let it melt in the sun and the residual radioactive heat.
So he,
Poe,
With the hair I was talking about,
He had like a Jimmy Buffet-do,
Tations of mu.
So to Tokyo he walked, because all the finest Japanese haircuts begin or end up in Tokyo.
And there, in return for making glow-in-the-dark elements with rice and his breath.
They shaved his knobby scalp once a week and applied a mild depilatory to keep it sleek.
That went on for about a year,
then, he took a scenic path,
jarred the heck out of a subterranean Unicorn base,
and they came out in force.
Like hornets in a swarm.
-----
A po-em.
XIV
So I know you wanna know how Golo got it.
1 strand, prepared like a champ,
with a little miniature artichoke that soon-to-be Glow in the Dark Spaghetti found by the Flanders envoy's garden, off by the fig tree by the path by the river.
That's not what this story is about.
This is about Glow in the Dark Spaghetti's reign of spaghetti terror.
He'd cast a shadow, of him laughing and pissing on one little strand of spaghetti, which'd glow.
A trap set, his evil victim would find the spaghetti, and as indicated earlier. Everybody Loves Spaghetti!
The little people got wise to him,
They knew he was doing a shadowcast to enlarge himself,
It's how they would do afterhours once they'd climb off of one another in their tute estensori brevettate.
These were Italian little people you see. Except for the Russians, the Slavic, The Kenyan (that was his name too,) and Gorzak the Possessed who they'd never seen without fullbody makeup.
So they left him yams and hashish, and asked him if they could call him Glow in the Dark Spaghetti.
He hissed "Yes."
-----
A po-em XXVIII
Swarm!
So 20 members of Unicorn boil out of the HQ door. Their mini-drones flow off them like petals on water, except REALLY fast.
Godzilla's scalp is burnin' a bit from that depiliatory,
So he grabs his swordhat and throws it right into the swarm.
About 70 of the 100 crackle and fall.
Thirty.
Unicorn hits 'hover.'
"You'd be good in a fight, we've seen you, want to join Unicorn? We have an empty giant hangar with television and lots of popcorn."
Godzilla paused.
I want $10,000,000 a year, you can take 2 out for hangar rental.
Unicorn:?#?$?@
Godzilla: plod, plod, plod
Unicorn: 9 million! And you gotta pay cable.
Godzilla: I will work for Unicorn. Gotta danger room?
Unicorn: Yay!
What rhymes with yay? I know! 'Godzilla-Unicorn Toga Par-tay!'
-----
A po-em XXXVIII
I'm po-em XXXVIII I am I am!
I have about 2 lines.
-----
A po-em XXXIX
So decades pass,
there's a voice out there,
in the air,
in the trees,
the first time he heard
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti.
Another name too,
Edgar Allen Poe.
He hears of his writing,
so to America he has to go.
Too small to work crew,
Won't be a pet again either,
So east he goes,
There, glowing.
The color of the glow the same as his,
The plants are tasty,
he grows a bit.
Soon, he's 3 feet 5. Crow's nest gig he finds.
Perched at the top,
With freshly glowing radioactive eyes.
-----
XL
So in his long life,
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti stayed away from the limelight,
He wanted to blend, so he took it easy on the pitchblende,
and one time made a foray into the English Music Halls as Harry Champion.
Comedic songs,
Silly lyrics,
Things he'd been whistlin' for five hunnerd years,
English folks will sing along with anything, just give them enough beers.
Yes, he had wives,
Seven and eight,
they didn't get why he hadda always do it in the dark,
but the sex sure was great.
-----
A po-em XXXIX.
The dark of the tail.
-----
A po-em XLII.
Unicorn cheats!
They cheated at Halo 3.
Godzilla Greeeeeeonnnkks and heads off to stomp the city.
-----
A po-em XLIII
Edgar Allan Poe
So their meeting was easy,
Edgar Allan Poe was obviously a human,
not a 200 ft. shellless turtle.
So for awhile a hung with the little people,
He wore a hat too. As Not-Not-Poe.
Silent rhyme.
Exhale.
-----
A po-em XLIV
Edgar Allan Not-Poe
No, not Not-Not-Poe, that's Glow in the Dark Spaghetti
Edgar Allan Not-Poe,
Not-Not-Poe's Handpuppet,
Who had a handpuppet,
A teensy-tinsy walnut carved to look like Edgar Allen Poe.
The one he was seeking, not the other one, yo!
It'd fit on his talon,
So for the first time, a Godzilla hat was a handpuppet (Being a hat with a brim and a crown)
as well as a handpuppet's handpuppet.
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti ALSO wore that hat.
Even though it was as he oft repeated what he heard when he was perched on the head of Che Guevara (he WAS a bit larger at the time)
'tHAT"S A TEENY HAT1'
-----
A po-em VII.
Marching towards Tokyo.
Plod, plod, plod, plod,
plod, plod, plod, plod,
plod, plod, plod, plod,
plod, plod, plod, plod.
-----
A po-em XXVIII
This po-em is not about Godzilla,
It's about Unicorn hiring the guy that was in the back of Heavy Metal magazine listed as Kaiju Pistolero. For all your Kaiju hunting needs. Robert Armstrong-trained.
aka Edgar Allen Not-Poe.
There he was yo!
In Japan,
He'd seen the footage.
Unicorn knew there'd need to be one to put him down if he went bad.
He had a black hat with silver medallions,
a pistol at his left hip,
a pair of boots with gumsoles,
& a bandolier.
He also had a backpack.
-----
A po-em VII-XIV-XXVIII
So before the big shootout,
I wanna tell ya'll,
that this po-etry,
has been as horrible to write,
as it's been to read.
Team Coco.
I know Red there is lookin' for the role.
It'll be Chris Elliot. He can have motion capture for Godzilla though.
His leaps will be the tough part.
-----
A po-em XLVIII
The Gift.
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti offered the big guy a teeny tiny box, Unicorn hustled giant tweezers out for Edgar Allan Poe to open it with.
Inside,
A cunningly crafted walnut hat. It looked like Godzilla
With his tail wrapped around his feet as a brim.
It had a hinge,
So that it could be used as a handpuppet or to store contraband.
None was stored in it.
But it could be used for it.
Godzilla was so delighted,
that he dropped his quesadilla,
and said,
"You look like a gunslinger."
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti smiled.
For he did.
-----
A po-em XLVIX
The pitch.
Tomorrow, the awful finish.
A po-em L: Godzilla.
But there is more.
For when Godzilla perched the walnut hat on his noggin,
Down in Antarctica, seismic went a-Joggin.
A Big Book of Vogon Poetry II: Cthulhu
Crowdfunding. $12,000 not to publish the sequel.
Can you imagine any deal the equal.
I know who reads this.
Ads in a month or two.
I need to recover from writing this awful poo-poo.
Mebbe read an epic, a saga, a long tale of cultural change, and its sequel.
Or maybe just maybe,
I'll drink a pot of coffee,
and write the whole thing today
See how I just rhymed coffee and today.
And now, breathe.
-----
A po-em L: Godzilla
No words were hashed.
Out of his backpack Glow in the Dark Spaghetti
Pulled a Godzilla sized handpuppet dressed as a gunfighter with an even older pistol than El Pistola's.
Golo's.
Godzilla nodded.
"Practice for awhile, use your tail to aim and fire."
Unicorn took cover.
Bang! Zing!
Bang! Crump!
Bang! Crump!
Bang! Crump!
Bang! CrumpZing!
'I think I got this.'
So there,
in front of Tokyo,
Laid bare like a lover for Godzilla to plod through,
was Tokyo.
Yes,
I just rhymed Tokyo with Tokyo.
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti spoke:
As sure as your bullets will kill me.
My bullets will kill you.
"I gathered cannabis flowers from Chernobyl,
My bullets are filled with them,
and as sure as a hat has a bill,
Sink your radiation they will."
Spoiler voice:
They spoke in the winds and have this all arranged.
Grr. Bad Spoiler, Bad, Bad!
So Unicorn began a drumroll with their hands on all available surfaces,
The ground, their converted mechs, their heads in one case, a chrysanthemum tree, and a petrified cookie that fell out of Glow in the Dark Spaghetti's backpack.
Some idiot with a mellotron started playing mariachi licks,
They locked eyes,
Spaghetti took a quick look at the Godzilla hat on Godzilla's head.
Godzilla hunkered down really low behind his handpuppet,
coincidentally the handpuppet was also named Godzilla,
kind of looked like him too.
However,
That handpuppet had no handpuppet,
nothing but a gun in his hand,
attached to a clever cantilever system attached to
the tail of Godzilla.
All Spaghetti had in his hand was his gun as well,
Then,
two loud bangs.
Bang! Bang!
And Spaghetti twirled, stared glassy-eyed towards Unicorn
and slumped.
Godzilla snatched back his claw,
it was burning hot,
it felt like a vacuum in his hand,
but this was no vacuum made by man.
This was a turtle vacuum,
and they're the worst.
Just ask a turtle,
and he'll tell you 'nurst.'
Then, a glow off of Glow in the Dark Spaghetti,
it got brighter and brighter,
and the last thing Unicorn saw
Was his eyes glowing as the glow surrounded them.
When the glow was gone,
So was Spaghetti, just a puddle where he laid.
Godzilla tromped about a bit,
"Agony, Agony" he said.
Then he fell on the ground,
Carefully loosened a chrystanthemum tree
and parked it on his chest,
stuck out his feet really hard,
pointed and quivered his toes,
Then sighed his final breath.
That breath glowed too,
Brighter and brighter,
Unicorn all stepped back,
And when it was gone,
All that was left,
was the Godzilla Chrysanthemum
for that's what they called it from that day (May 10, 2021)
on
the day the Godzilla Chrysanthemum was planted outside of Tokyo.
Nobody in Japan ever saw Godzilla or Glow in the Dark Spaghetti again.
However,
This one systems manager from Unicorn,
got the worst bento box ever.
A miniature artichoke,
with a long pungent, glowing, toasted
strand of black spaghetti.
FINISZILLA.
Chapter 80 - The Trailer
Chapter 78. - One last story.
I've published this separately. MOST of you will want to skip to the next chapter. This one is a poem/song cycle. The next chapter is called 'Chapter 80 - The Trailer'
Chapter 79 - Godzilla
A po-em.
If I had a huge noggin, I wouldn't go joggin',
Would you for true?
Run! Godzilla!
-----
Here.
A po-em II
The actual title of this poem is two lines that don't rhyme.
It's second line, the vulgar will chime.
Its first line, actually major title, has punctuation.
As does its second, although it's only hyphenation.
As there is no 3rd line to this poem's title,
More than two stanzas SHOULD be unnecessary to include it in my Po-em Bible.
This is the second stanza,
Do a lil' dance-a!
Some asshole will call me up in the middle of the night telling me that the poem's title is 'two lines that don't rhyme.'
It isn't, bullshit like that should be a crime.
-----
A po-em III
If I were to were to write a po-em about Poe,
I'd certainly be tempted to change the word po-em to poe-m.
Now, nobody I've ever met, would want to read a non-dramatic work about Poe,
However, this piece is comedic, so I think I'll keep it po-em.
If you've seen, the skies, the lights, the days,
Then you'd know that this poem isn't REALLY about Edgar Allen Poe.
It's about his handpuppet,
Let me tell you more,
Poe is a family name.
The puppet was part of his family.
There was also a wee mousie, a cookie that had petrified, and a sock that may or may not someday become another handpuppet.
Now you can laugh.
Yeah, I know it's not funny yet.
This part is,
Handpuppet.
Yah gettin' this?
Hm.
Line 2
Handpuppet.
Line 4.
After that, I know many of you are saying, 'nevermore.'
That space was for laughter, I never met the handpuppet.
Now I can say, quite comfortably, nobody I know would ever wanna read ANOTHER non-dramatic work about Poe.
-----
A po-em IV.
I never saw a poem
that ever made me scream.
This one
Prob'ly will.
I can't tell you if I wrote this,
I typed it,
I thought of it too.
What do you think?
Well, it could be,
that wen I wuz a widdle bitty baby,
someone hypmotized me
See it on its side there?
So deep within me
Is a repository of poetry,
For me?
To b a Skald, or Bard, or Woody Guthrie.
I might also
write verse.
V is for Victory,
Coffee with chicory.
You can scream now if you want to,
Although I know,
Some of you will just be six.
SEEEEEEE! DAH POWER OF HYPMOSSSSSISSSSSSSSS!
-----
A po-em V.
Once upon a time,
A long time ago,
Early in the Stone Age.
There was this idiot.
He had a hat.
It wasn't a magic hat,
He thought it was though.
So he'd pour milk in it,
Kept a rabbit in it,
and cards always kept falling out of it when he put it on his head.
Now, to have a hat like that,
Especially during the Stone Age,
You'd think it might actually be a magic hat.
I know, you're impressed.
I am too.
That someone from long, long ago before modern magic paradigms, could have a hat, with a rabbit, cards, and milk.
The blinking shame of it,
Is that the hat, the rabbit, the cards, and the milk,
Were all made of stone.
'Wait a minute!' I can hear you saying,
'How'd he fit all those things in a hat?'
Well, his head was kinda flat,
Especially after a couple years of wearing the hat.
-----
A po-em VI.
Once upon a time,
there was a po-em.
See how I rhymed 'time' with po-em?
I won't do THAT again.
-----
A Magic Hat
A po-em VII.
I had a magic hat? No, magic hats are forever.
Like your cat,
Like a marble,
Like futuretime,
Like a cookie.
A big cookie,
Shaped like a hat.
Read your dog this poem,
Tell him you'll make him or her a cookiehat.
Fucker will just stare at you,
Just like you're staring at this poem.
Kinda happy? No.
Kinda staring at it.
The future.
The past.
Dog clamped on your leg,
for saying 'cookiehat'.
I got a better hat though,
It says
FREE COOKIEHAT
in miniscule script.
All I know,
TA-DA!
Except,
I also know 'Ala-Kazaam'
'P-TAH!'
'Mister Jeezermeister' (try it when you're drunk, it's funnier.)
and of course,
The Magic Word of the FUTURE:
ABBA
-----
A po-em VII.
There can be only ONE!
To see the signs,
the fences,
the nitro.
You must first hear the sound of the blossom.
It sounds soft,
gentle,
sweet,
kind,
and all in all as a word to describe a blossom should sound.
Only, this isn't about blossoms.
This po-em is about 11 lines long.
-----
A po-em VII.
How to write bad poetry.
This po-em is about Poe's handpuppet,
brightly festooned in motley,
So Morose,
Tee hee! Look at the bad hair!
Hah hah hah hah hah hah haaaaaa!
Hah hah hah hah hahhhh
Whut you making that face for?
I'm not talking to you.
Blah blah blah monkeys and cookies and circuses
Ding dong! Ding dong! Loud as you can! DING DONG!
What you eat catfood?
When do I get MY paycheck loverboy?
Dat crazy John Adams!
Woah hoh hoh Eli Whitney.
You voted for yourself.
Dah bestest Joey HanPUppet In the LAnnn-nnnn-nnnn<koff, wheeze>d!!!!
-----
A po-em XI.
Halleluj.
Once upon a time,
Ah no, not that.
Today in sport's news…
Ah screw that too.
See how that rhymes with Halleluj?
-----
A po-em X.
Once upon a time,
there was this guy,
His name was Edgar Allen Not-Poe
Now, none of those lines rhyme,
I know you wonder why,
It's so I can say this po-em isn't about Edgar Allen Not-Poe
Disgust,
Terror,
It's about his handpuppet's handpuppet.
You'll ask, you must,
'Why is there a hyphen in Not-Poe? That MUST be an error.'
Because his handpuppet's handpuppet is really a fingerpuppet, so this poem isn't precise in its linguistics-et.
I know that's not really a word.
But it rhymes with handpuppet.
So does handpuppet.
Here. Bored?
Handpuppet
Handpuppet-et.
YES! The handpuppet ate the other handpuppet.
So there's a handpuppet,
and a handpuppet-et.
This is going to be so easy to rhyme, Godzilla hat!
The full handpuppet is a happy, Godzilla hat!
The et handpuppet is et. AND IT WAS THE ONE WEARING THE GODZILLA HAT!
-----
A po-em XIII.
The history of Pontimilo.
Once upon a time,
there was a young horseback rider named Pontimilo,
He had a Godzilla Hat.
It was a hat shaped like Godzilla.
He didn't know it was meant to rhyme,
He also didn't didn't know that his name was meant to rhyme with mellow,
He had a Godzilla Hat.
It looked like ivy. Except Godzilla.
So, young Pontimilo went riding far far from his usual pathways.
He found himself neatly situated between where the sun rises and the sun sets.
He was kind of an Everyman. Except of course for the Godzilla Hat.
He was also munching a quesadilla.
Byways, long highways, slow traffic, hilarious.
I just rhymed pathways and hilarious, gentlefolk, place your bets.
That this third line, won't end, in Godzilla Hat.
This is a song of Pontimilo, the first harbinger of Godzilla.
-----
Po-em XIV
A Godzilla Hat of the Future
In the future,
There's this guy with a Godzilla Hat,
His name is The Cat, Imagine That
The reason he has a Godzilla Hat
is because he is The Cat,
Also, because it is the future.
Godzilla came, saw, and stomped
The books of the former Godzilla Hats
Showed him all that
That's why The Cat
Will wear a Godzilla Hat,
Although he may be comped.
This future is secure though
His lack of a Godzilla Hat may lead to all woe
Because a proper Godzilla Hat doesn't take a lot of dough.
Whoa!
I just rhymed 3 words with one roughly similar syllabo
Don't expect that often yo!
Still, it's easier when you know the future,
Helps you dodge the FUTUREGODZILLAHATCENSORSHIP
And helps you understand the FUTUREGODZILLHATCENSORSHIP
This has been a song of The Cat from the future.
Censored by someone else in the future with Godzilla Hats,
Robot police bats, and bat-kata of something that rhymes with rogue scientist super mattes. Probably just Godzilla Hats.
-----
A po-em XV
This po-em is about Not-Not-Poe's handpuppet's handpuppet.
This po-em is SOOOOOO not about Not-Not-Poe's handpuppet's handpuppet.
It's about 2 lines long.
-----
A po-em XVI.
Godzilla hat
Once upon a time,
A young Fra Angelico,
Made a Godzilla hat.
This Godzilla Hat
was the first Godzilla hat, except for that of Pontimilo
who disappeared into rhyme,
I try not to talk about Pontimilo,
his flagrant violations of the Godzilla hat nation
are the stuff of sartorial legend.
This po-em is about Fra Angelico's strange hat bend,
The Godzilla hat made of a miniature coach station.
It was a childhood toy of Fra Angelico.
Rosebud
This po-em is not about Rosebud.
It's about Assflower.
Assflower,
being the name of Fra Angelico's Rosebud
It was half wooden sticks and half rivermud.
I just used Rosebud to rhyme with rivermud.
I'd imagine, you want that one to disappear too.
A po-em XVII
Gennette of Binklesworth.
Gennette was born Ginny Binklesworth,
This po-em isn't about Gennette.
It's about 3 lines long
-----
A po-em XVIII
The Skies.
This po-em is about Not-Gennette of Binklesworth.
She had a tidy sum,
from a far-off sale.
She bought a whole bunch of ale
She drank some
And her handpuppet drank the rest. that handpuppet being Gennette of Binklesworth.
But while her handpuppet was drinking,
her handpuppet's handpuppet drowned in the keg
Poor Gennette of Binklesworth.
For her handpuppet was Pontomilo who also was of Binklesworth,
I know you're trying to figure out how I'm going to fit Godzilla Hat in here but I tell you true, It was too big to fit in the keg.
So he left the Godzilla Hat in the care of Gennette of Binklesworth.
While that's the last that ever was seen of Pontimilo,
His hat will turn up again,
It being a Godzilla Hat.
Imagine that,
A Godzilla Hat turning up again.
Just like Godzilla that, and of course Golo,
Who she sold the Godzilla Hat to.
A po-em IXX
OK. One more po-em about Pontimilo,
Pontimilo's horse is the key here.
Yes, Gennette of Binklesworth.
So he rode Gennette to the fountain, to the garden, to the kitchen, to the marketplace.
And eventually Not-Gennette of Binklesworth sold his hat to Golo.
So this po-em would have to be about 7 lines long.
A po-em XX
The Lights
Annette of Oxnard was the third harbinger of Godzilla
She knew that mutation was a dangerous thing
And she made a hat to prove it.
Yes, it was a Godzilla hat.
She wore it well
Never wanted to take it off.
That's a good thing,
After awhile it was part of her balance system
Her full name was lost to the ages
Her last name doesn't matter.
In 1935 she heard the rumbles.
Knew they'd kabloo.
Idiots then too.
Government showed up at her door,
Eminent domaining her forevermore
She wore the Godzilla hat,
and she wore it well.
If I were to tell you true,
regarding what her hat means to you,
then you'd be all like foo-foo-foo.
That's why I won't tell you,
Because her Godzilla hat
was bigger than big oil.
What does it take to flush an oil system?
Enough hot water.
What does it take to make a Godzilla hat?
Whatever you have around.
Wear the Godzilla hat.
Be the Godzilla hat.
Wear the Godzilla hat.
Be the Godzilla hat.
Annette made hers of flowers,
and ate the Godzilla hat.
The third harbinger of Godzilla
Ate her own floral hat.
It happened to be a Godzilla hat,
Which is why I wrote a po-em about that.
Annette's Rose Godzilla hat.
That she ate with lemon and salt.
-----
a pO-EM xxi
mY cAPSLOCK'S bROKE1
a LONG< LONG< TIME AGO
mORE RECENT THAN "oNCE UPON A TIME"
bUT NOT AS RECENT AS LAST WEEK
yOUNG pONTIMILO'S gODZILLA HAT
fOUND ITS WAY TO A yOUNG cHE gUEVARA
wHO PUT IT ON HIS HEAD<
AND HAD THIS TO SAY<
'tHIS IS A REALLY TEENY HAT1'
-----
A po-em XXII
The one where I rhyme Godzilla and quesadilla.
If I were to rhyme Godzilla
With something other than quesadilla
It'd be a real thrilla'
that po-em about Godzilla.
But this is the one where I rhyme Godzilla
With the simple goodness of a quesadilla.
One for Godzilla.
A government quesadilla.
This quesadilla
is rilla
with a lot of tortilla
Shoutout to Jovovich, Milla
Wanna bite of my quesadilla?
Too bad cuz it's in my bella.
-----
From the upcoming book. 'The Big Book of Vogon Poetry.'
A po-em XIV
Softening you up for po-em L: Godzilla
When the day came for Not-Gennette of Binklesworth to sell Pontimilo's hat to Golo,
He rode poor Gennette half-to-death.
He was better known as The Real Golo, who sold the hat of Pontimilo to Not-The-Real-Golo. But everyone else just knew them as Golo.
Yes, Golo had a handpuppet named Not-The-Real-Golo as well.
So for the whisker of a golden lion Golo sold the hat of Pontimilo to Not-The-Real-Golo.
Now, please, don't mistake Golo for the Golo of Brabant, just because Golo was a more common name back then. Like Lalo today. We've all met someone named Lalo either in person or online. At least here in fair Californ-I-ay.
That's where Golo was from? No. Golo was from SOUTH Brabant. Everyone knew him as Golo of South Brabant. Mainly to distinguish him from the notorious Golo of Brabant.
The first Godzilla hat still exists today. Well. We'll get to that later.
What? You want rhymes?
The hat of Pontimilo
Was sold to Golo
For the sum of a whisker,
and Genette of Binklesworth was thrown in as part of the trade, for she had bit him where it hurts.
His cheek.
Bad handpuppet horse!
Bad handpuppet horse!
-----
A po-em XXV
The Cat, Harbinger #4
Once upon a time,
in the Pacific Ocean
A nuclear weapon was detonated.
It's not that the weapon itself was the problem,
It was the radiation the weapon released.
That radiation irradiated a turtle egg.
That turtle egg's shell disappeared,
It glowed blue for awhile,
And then hatched.
That turtle without a shell
Grew strong and fast,
fish frys on the island of Galapagos.
Then,
one day,
in the wind of the palms.
He heard his name.
Godzilla.
-----
A po-em XXVI
The Secret of
-----
A po-em XXVII
The Days
In an old movie, I once saw a man shot.
Well, it was more than once,
and more than one old movie.
There was this guy,
He waved his pistol around,
When he got to the end of the hallway,
He fell on the ground.
His name was El Pistola
He was always all pistola,
so when he shot things,
they applauded.
He shot more things,
and more things,
and more things,
and then…
He reached into the crowd,
and picked up a little person
who he'd paid to dress as a child.
Now, when he was lifted, he was very loud,
the little person that is, his name,
Was Not-Not-Poe.
He knew Edgar Allen Poe.
Sometimes,
late at night,
He'd climb on Poe's roof.
He'd make chicken noises,
He made them on the roof,
He made them at the window,
and then,
One night, Not-Not-Poe stole El Pistola's pistola.
Boy was El Pistola pistolad.
So he chased Not-Not Poe
Far from his home,
And there, alone El Pistola found himself set upon by 9 little people.
He was chased across a whole county,
From Innsbruck County to New Hastings,
What he found there is one of the greatest moments of the Godzilla Hat Nation.
It was long, thin, strand of something that glowed.
He stared at it for minute,
and it stopped glowing.
It was a strange glow, he'd seen it befo',
Near pitchblende.
So there and then,
he vowed to discover what that glow was.
It was a simple thing, it was Spaghetti.
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti.
The Clintons are selling some,
Pay me some money guys.
However, it was glowing Spaghetti,
There, on the hill, between New Hastings and Innsbruck County.
-----
A po-em XXVIII
So that blue spaghetti. Because that's what it was after the glow diminished.
It had kind of an herbal taste to it,
like an infusion of leaves.
So El Pistola went to all the apothecaries, distilleries (he did that anyways,) cafés, ristorantes, and pubs (he did that anyway too,)
What the 9 didn't tell him,
is that there is a 10th,
they've never seen him.
They're pretty sure it's a him,
because of how he pisses,
Actually is a him, he still lives,
and he still has El Pistola's pistola.
His name,
was given to him by the little people,
He didn't have one for awhile,
ate sparingly in the cool weather,
no energy to forage.
You see,
When that nuclear weapon hit,
And irradiated the turtle egg,
It chrono-twinned.
The shell was more irradiated and it just chrono'd
So Glow in the Dark Spaghetti,
The name given to him by the little people.
For his favorite gag for evildoers…
Well, I'll let you put the pieces together,
He urinates glowing blue,
The glow fades as it drains into the earth.
And everybody loves spaghetti!
-----
A po-em XXIX.
This poem isn't about Glow in the Dark Spaghetti. It's about 1 line long.
-----
A po-em XXX
So, let's get back,
Not-Not-Poe's handpuppet had a handpuppet
It was a hat.
Not a Godzilla hat mind you,
But still a hat.
How can a hat be a handpuppet?
That is by definition,
A hat you see,
has a crown and a brim,
And if you put your fingers in the crown,
and your thumb under the brim,
And squeeze,
You have a handpuppet indeed.
Now, earlier handpuppets,
didn't all have working mouths,
Some were like rotating stickheads
Like Ollie of TV Land.
Now as we've established, a handpuppet's handpuppet can be a fingerpuppet,
And that's what Not-Not-Poe's handpuppet's handpuppet was.
Her name was was Not-Glow in the Dark Spaghetti.
Now, the story thus far,
Stone hat
Fra Angelico's hat
Pontimilo's hat
(which became Golo's hat)
Not-Not Poe's hat
Annette of Oxnard's hat
And in the Future? The Cat's hat.'
That's a lot of hats.
Let's add a couple more.
the first one we'll get to in the next po-em
It's Edgar Allen Poe's hat.
That's how his hair got like that.
The second one,
Is kind of what this whole song cycle is about,
It's Godzilla's Godzilla hat.
Hm. How am I gunna rhyme that?
-----
A po-em XXXI
Godzilla's Welcome.
So Godzilla roamed to Japan.
Far from his home in Galapagos.
There, he was welcomed,
They knew he was young,
and they wanted to discern whether he was focused on peaceful pursuits, or war.
So they made a giant samurai sword,
and a 30-ft tall basketball.
Godzilla was ANGRY!
He'd seen Lone Wolf & Cub
He was no infant to be toyed with!
He picked up the ball and tore it in two,
Lay down on the ground and bent the sword into a circle, lengthwise, using his radioactive breath to bend the sword like it was plastic. He then affixed the sword to half the torn basketball. By denaturing both with his breath, mooshing them together with his fingers and quenching them in the Sea of Japan.
The reason he had to lay on the ground to pick up the sword? Because he had very short arms.
This nifty trick of Haberdashery
demonstrated peaceful uses of radioactivity
So Godzilla was made a member of Japan's citizenry.
-----
A poe-m XIV
This poem IS about Edgar Allen Poe.
You see,
Godzilla knew his name,
It was for friends.
So when the naturalization people
asked him what his name was,
He hissed 'Edgar Allen Poe'.
-----
A po-em XXXIV
There is only one
at that point.
Still, in the trees,
at night,
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti
-----
A po-em XXVIII
So, a long time ago,
not as long ago as The Stone Age,
but a lot longer than you or I,
A turtle, hatched near 'some weirdo' (his words)
said weirdo proceeded to put two handpuppets on his hands and him on top of them balanced precariously like a hat.
Imagine that,
A brother of Godzilla hat.
You know Golo is gunna get it,
just wait.
-----
A po-em XXXV.
What hair?
Are you talking about Edgar Allen Poe?
Or Edgar Allen Poe?
Of course I'm talking about Edgar Allen Poe.
He of the mutated turtle form.
Did he come back yo?
Poe?
No.
as he said, 'Never mo''.
Still, back to Godzilla,
His mission still wasn't complete,
His hat was to warm his quesadilla,
Just kinda lay it up there and let it melt in the sun and the residual radioactive heat.
So he,
Poe,
With the hair I was talking about,
He had like a Jimmy Buffet-do,
Tations of mu.
So to Tokyo he walked, because all the finest Japanese haircuts begin or end up in Tokyo.
And there, in return for making glow-in-the-dark elements with rice and his breath.
They shaved his knobby scalp once a week and applied a mild depilatory to keep it sleek.
That went on for about a year,
then, he took a scenic path,
jarred the heck out of a subterranean Unicorn base,
and they came out in force.
Like hornets in a swarm.
-----
A po-em.
XIV
So I know you wanna know how Golo got it.
1 strand, prepared like a champ,
with a little miniature artichoke that soon-to-be Glow in the Dark Spaghetti found by the Flanders envoy's garden, off by the fig tree by the path by the river.
That's not what this story is about.
This is about Glow in the Dark Spaghetti's reign of spaghetti terror.
He'd cast a shadow, of him laughing and pissing on one little strand of spaghetti, which'd glow.
A trap set, his evil victim would find the spaghetti, and as indicated earlier. Everybody Loves Spaghetti!
The little people got wise to him,
They knew he was doing a shadowcast to enlarge himself,
It's how they would do afterhours once they'd climb off of one another in their tute estensori brevettate.
These were Italian little people you see. Except for the Russians, the Slavic, The Kenyan (that was his name too,) and Gorzak the Possessed who they'd never seen without fullbody makeup.
So they left him yams and hashish, and asked him if they could call him Glow in the Dark Spaghetti.
He hissed "Yes."
-----
A po-em XXVIII
Swarm!
So 20 members of Unicorn boil out of the HQ door. Their mini-drones flow off them like petals on water, except REALLY fast.
Godzilla's scalp is burnin' a bit from that depiliatory,
So he grabs his swordhat and throws it right into the swarm.
About 70 of the 100 crackle and fall.
Thirty.
Unicorn hits 'hover.'
"You'd be good in a fight, we've seen you, want to join Unicorn? We have an empty giant hangar with television and lots of popcorn."
Godzilla paused.
I want $10,000,000 a year, you can take 2 out for hangar rental.
Unicorn:?#?$?@
Godzilla: plod, plod, plod
Unicorn: 9 million! And you gotta pay cable.
Godzilla: I will work for Unicorn. Gotta danger room?
Unicorn: Yay!
What rhymes with yay? I know! 'Godzilla-Unicorn Toga Par-tay!'
-----
A po-em XXXVIII
I'm po-em XXXVIII I am I am!
I have about 2 lines.
-----
A po-em XXXIX
So decades pass,
there's a voice out there,
in the air,
in the trees,
the first time he heard
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti.
Another name too,
Edgar Allen Poe.
He hears of his writing,
so to America he has to go.
Too small to work crew,
Won't be a pet again either,
So east he goes,
There, glowing.
The color of the glow the same as his,
The plants are tasty,
he grows a bit.
Soon, he's 3 feet 5. Crow's nest gig he finds.
Perched at the top,
With freshly glowing radioactive eyes.
-----
XL
So in his long life,
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti stayed away from the limelight,
He wanted to blend, so he took it easy on the pitchblende,
and one time made a foray into the English Music Halls as Harry Champion.
Comedic songs,
Silly lyrics,
Things he'd been whistlin' for five hunnerd years,
English folks will sing along with anything, just give them enough beers.
Yes, he had wives,
Seven and eight,
they didn't get why he hadda always do it in the dark,
but the sex sure was great.
-----
A po-em XXXIX.
The dark of the tail.
-----
A po-em XLII.
Unicorn cheats!
They cheated at Halo 3.
Godzilla Greeeeeeonnnkks and heads off to stomp the city.
-----
A po-em XLIII
Edgar Allan Poe
So their meeting was easy,
Edgar Allan Poe was obviously a human,
not a 200 ft. shellless turtle.
So for awhile a hung with the little people,
He wore a hat too. As Not-Not-Poe.
Silent rhyme.
Exhale.
-----
A po-em XLIV
Edgar Allan Not-Poe
No, not Not-Not-Poe, that's Glow in the Dark Spaghetti
Edgar Allan Not-Poe,
Not-Not-Poe's Handpuppet,
Who had a handpuppet,
A teensy-tinsy walnut carved to look like Edgar Allen Poe.
The one he was seeking, not the other one, yo!
It'd fit on his talon,
So for the first time, a Godzilla hat was a handpuppet (Being a hat with a brim and a crown)
as well as a handpuppet's handpuppet.
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti ALSO wore that hat.
Even though it was as he oft repeated what he heard when he was perched on the head of Che Guevara (he WAS a bit larger at the time)
'tHAT"S A TEENY HAT1'
-----
A po-em VII.
Marching towards Tokyo.
Plod, plod, plod, plod,
plod, plod, plod, plod,
plod, plod, plod, plod,
plod, plod, plod, plod.
-----
A po-em XXVIII
This po-em is not about Godzilla,
It's about Unicorn hiring the guy that was in the back of Heavy Metal magazine listed as Kaiju Pistolero. For all your Kaiju hunting needs. Robert Armstrong-trained.
aka Edgar Allen Not-Poe.
There he was yo!
In Japan,
He'd seen the footage.
Unicorn knew there'd need to be one to put him down if he went bad.
He had a black hat with silver medallions,
a pistol at his left hip,
a pair of boots with gumsoles,
& a bandolier.
He also had a backpack.
-----
A po-em VII-XIV-XXVIII
So before the big shootout,
I wanna tell ya'll,
that this po-etry,
has been as horrible to write,
as it's been to read.
Team Coco.
I know Red there is lookin' for the role.
It'll be Chris Elliot. He can have motion capture for Godzilla though.
His leaps will be the tough part.
-----
A po-em XLVIII
The Gift.
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti offered the big guy a teeny tiny box, Unicorn hustled giant tweezers out for Edgar Allan Poe to open it with.
Inside,
A cunningly crafted walnut hat. It looked like Godzilla
With his tail wrapped around his feet as a brim.
It had a hinge,
So that it could be used as a handpuppet or to store contraband.
None was stored in it.
But it could be used for it.
Godzilla was so delighted,
that he dropped his quesadilla,
and said,
"You look like a gunslinger."
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti smiled.
For he did.
-----
A po-em XLVIX
The pitch.
Tomorrow, the awful finish.
A po-em L: Godzilla.
But there is more.
For when Godzilla perched the walnut hat on his noggin,
Down in Antarctica, seismic went a-Joggin.
A Big Book of Vogon Poetry II: Cthulhu
Crowdfunding. $12,000 not to publish the sequel.
Can you imagine any deal the equal.
I know who reads this.
Ads in a month or two.
I need to recover from writing this awful poo-poo.
Mebbe read an epic, a saga, a long tale of cultural change, and its sequel.
Or maybe just maybe,
I'll drink a pot of coffee,
and write the whole thing today
See how I just rhymed coffee and today.
And now, breathe.
-----
A po-em L: Godzilla
No words were hashed.
Out of his backpack Glow in the Dark Spaghetti
Pulled a Godzilla sized handpuppet dressed as a gunfighter with an even older pistol than El Pistola's.
Golo's.
Godzilla nodded.
"Practice for awhile, use your tail to aim and fire."
Unicorn took cover.
Bang! Zing!
Bang! Crump!
Bang! Crump!
Bang! Crump!
Bang! CrumpZing!
'I think I got this.'
So there,
in front of Tokyo,
Laid bare like a lover for Godzilla to plod through,
was Tokyo.
Yes,
I just rhymed Tokyo with Tokyo.
Glow in the Dark Spaghetti spoke:
As sure as your bullets will kill me.
My bullets will kill you.
"I gathered cannabis flowers from Chernobyl,
My bullets are filled with them,
and as sure as a hat has a bill,
Sink your radiation they will."
Spoiler voice:
They spoke in the winds and have this all arranged.
Grr. Bad Spoiler, Bad, Bad!
So Unicorn began a drumroll with their hands on all available surfaces,
The ground, their converted mechs, their heads in one case, a chrysanthemum tree, and a petrified cookie that fell out of Glow in the Dark Spaghetti's backpack.
Some idiot with a mellotron started playing mariachi licks,
They locked eyes,
Spaghetti took a quick look at the Godzilla hat on Godzilla's head.
Godzilla hunkered down really low behind his handpuppet,
coincidentally the handpuppet was also named Godzilla,
kind of looked like him too.
However,
That handpuppet had no handpuppet,
nothing but a gun in his hand,
attached to a clever cantilever system attached to
the tail of Godzilla.
All Spaghetti had in his hand was his gun as well,
Then,
two loud bangs.
Bang! Bang!
And Spaghetti twirled, stared glassy-eyed towards Unicorn
and slumped.
Godzilla snatched back his claw,
it was burning hot,
it felt like a vacuum in his hand,
but this was no vacuum made by man.
This was a turtle vacuum,
and they're the worst.
Just ask a turtle,
and he'll tell you 'nurst.'
Then, a glow off of Glow in the Dark Spaghetti,
it got brighter and brighter,
and the last thing Unicorn saw
Was his eyes glowing as the glow surrounded them.
When the glow was gone,
So was Spaghetti, just a puddle where he laid.
Godzilla tromped about a bit,
"Agony, Agony" he said.
Then he fell on the ground,
Carefully loosened a chrystanthemum tree
and parked it on his chest,
stuck out his feet really hard,
pointed and quivered his toes,
Then sighed his final breath.
That breath glowed too,
Brighter and brighter,
Unicorn all stepped back,
And when it was gone,
All that was left,
was the Godzilla Chrysanthemum
for that's what they called it from that day (May 10, 2021)
on
the day the Godzilla Chrysanthemum was planted outside of Tokyo.
Nobody in Japan ever saw Godzilla or Glow in the Dark Spaghetti again.
However,
This one systems manager from Unicorn,
got the worst bento box ever.
A miniature artichoke,
with a long pungent, glowing, toasted
strand of black spaghetti.
FINISZILLA.
Chapter 80 - The Trailer
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