Emo Philips?
Christopher Waters
about him in years. I also haven't been able to find anything via the
various search engines.
Richcomedy
Richcomedy
Chris Waters
Is there any way to contact him, perhaps through a management group? I'd
like to find out where else he might be appearing in the near future.
gooeyboy
resurfaces.
NPNoonan
>resurfaces.
Now, is that a nice thing to say? I, for one, have spent hours laughing with
friends at Emo's jokes, i.e, I weigh 130 pounds stark naked -- if the scale at
the train station is to be trusted.
Perhaps Emo's jokes are simply beyond your intellectual capacity, Mr. Gooeyboy.
So, on behalf of the entire newsgroup, I am inviting you to post any of Emo's
jokes that you find unfunny (most likely because you can not understand them),
and we will break them down into itty bits so that you may comprehend them.
-- Noonan
PS: I think this calls for everyone to post their favorite Emo Phillips joke.
(so, take that, Mr. Gooeyboy).
Comedywood
WI at the Comedy Cafe.
He is booked by APA 212-582-1500.
Hope this helps.
BORIS
www.coomedywood.com
s...@bitstream.net
npno...@aol.com (NPNoonan) wrote:
[snip]
>
> PS: I think this calls for everyone to post their favorite Emo Phillips joke.
> (so, take that, Mr. Gooeyboy).
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
Man, I wish I'd written that.
--Tim Mitchell
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own
s...@bitstream.net
Ray Bradley
-- Noonan wrote:
PS: I think this calls for everyone to post their favorite Emo Phillips
joke.
(so, take that, Mr. Gooeyboy).
My little cousin is afraid of the dark. So, I decided to fill his daylight
hours with as much horror as possible. Now, he prays for the darkness to
come.
RB
JSlotek
Emo's
jokes that you find unfunny (most likely because you can not understand them),
and we will break them down into itty bits so that you may comprehend them.
-- Noonan
PS: I think this calls for everyone to post their favorite Emo Phillips joke.
(so, take that, Mr. Gooeyboy).<<<
A tie (add your own Emo singsong as you read this), "This German fellow
complained to me that it's impossible to get a good bagel back home. I said
'Whose fault is that?'" ... "Someone came up to me and asked 'Is this seat
saved?' I said 'Well, if Aquinas reasoned that even animals have no souls, what
chance does an inanimate object have?'"
Jim Slotek
Stuart O. Bronstein
>PS: I think this calls for everyone to post their favorite Emo Phillips
>joke. (so, take that, Mr. Gooeyboy).
Here's one I particularly like:
----------------------------------
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the
edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do
it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the
Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed
Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or
Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
Keith Hoffman
>
>PS: I think this calls for everyone to post their favorite Emo Phillips
joke.
"My little brother says 'Hello'. Apparently the speech therapy is
working." - Emo Phillips
Keith Hoffman
mailto:khof...@iserve.net
Website
http://fp.iserve.net/khoffman/
Comedy @ 465.com Ezine
http://www.465.com/ezine/comedy/
The Comedy Ring
http://fp.iserve.net/khoffman/comweb.htm
ThriftNet Web Creations
http://members.tripod.com/keithhoffman/
Doug Doane
NPNoonan wrote in message <19990301002111...@ng24.aol.com>...
(Snipped)
>
>-- Noonan
>
>PS: I think this calls for everyone to post their favorite Emo Phillips
joke.
>(so, take that, Mr. Gooeyboy).
Starting out in comedy with Emo, us old Chicago guys got to experience some
of his really extreme material that was induced on those unsuspecting early
audiences. This is my all time favorite that I don't think made it to the
"favorite Emo bit" library because I only think he did it once, so I hope my
memory of this bit is correct. Enjoy.
Emo was working one of the clubs in Chicago one night. After a couple of
punchlines he would pause and ask the audience, "Is it ten o'clock yet?"
This continued for about 10 minutes, with Emo stopping to ask the same
question every few minutes. Finally, when ten o'clock arrived, the whole
audience starting shouting "it's ten!, it's ten!", at which point Emo
immediately stopped his routine and walked off stage. He returned shortly
carrying some sort of old duffle bag which he dropped on the floor. Kneeling
down next to this bag he proceeded to remove and arrange in a large circle
around him about a dozen candles, which he very slowly lit in a ritualistic
pattern. Next he pulled a small altar out of the bag, placing it in the
center of the burning circle of candles. Finally, he pulled out a jar of
formeldahyded pig fetuses, set them on the altar and then started kneeling
and chanting some strange invocation to his shrine. This went on for several
minutes; the audience in shocked silence or confusion. When Emo finished, he
slowly reversed the whole ritual and walked off stage again with the duffle
bag. When he returned to the stage, he picked up his monologue just where he
had left it at exactly ten o'clock as if nothing had ever happened. After a
few more minutes he stopped his show, gazed straight into the audience and
asked, "is it 10:30 yet?"
Later,
Dougie
kinetic
NPNoonan wrote in message <19990301002111...@ng24.aol.com>...
>PS: I think this calls for everyone to post their favorite Emo Phillips
joke.
>(so, take that, Mr. Gooeyboy).
"If only my parents could see me now - they'd say, "Emo, how'd you get out
of the attic?"
Francis884
When I was a little boy, I prayed to God for a pony. Then I realized God
doesn't work that way. So I stole a pony and asked him to forgive me.
Emo rocked in Appleton this past week. Very nice guy to hang out with as well.
Rich Williams
Rick1134
spring.
Favorite Emo joke: Madonna's movie "Truth Or Dare"...Siskel and Ebert gave it
two thumbs in."
Dianebean
house. It had mice! Well Emo wasnt get any sleep at the 5 star hotel in town
so he asked to be put up in the house. While I was telling him about the mice,
he asked, how I knew for sure, and i said i had left a few bananas on the
kitchen counter, and when i found them, all the insides had been eaten out. He
says "thanks for the good info, I"ll remember to keep my dick in my
pants"!!!!!!!
Fav joke: I remember when i was a kid and in the fall, my dad would let me
play in the leaves he had just raked, and then he would brush the flames from
my hair!!!!!!!
CatheB
Cathe
THEGOADER wrote:
> I always got Emo and Crispin Glover mixed up.
>
> Duane
ronald hoover
RONIN®
past a donut store and there are 3 or 4 cops parked outside. Emo
speaks up and says, "Musta been a robbery."
No one is sure if he was serious...
RONIN® - The Unforgiven...
http://members.tripod.com/~kenpo_ronin/dragon.html
"Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war..."
Julius Caesar - Shakespeare
Hotplate
Doug Doane wrote:
> I don't think made it to the
> "favorite Emo bit" library because I only think he did it once, so I hope my
> memory of this bit is correct. Enjoy.
Enjoy I did. Thank you, Dougie.
love, Linda
Hotplate
s...@bitstream.net recited MY favourite Emo one too:
> "Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
>
> Man, I wish I'd written that.
Oooh yeah, Tim. Same here.
love, Linda
THEGOADER
Hugh Mongus
Bought a tape at the record store yesterday.
Listened to both sides of it.
Sure enough -- blank.
"Lonesome" Keith
One day I was playing , I was about seven years old , and I saw
the cellar door open just a crack.
Now my folks had always told me " Emo , whatever you do , don't
go near the cellar door ".
But I had to see what was on the other side if it killed me , so I went
to the cellar door , pushed it open and walked through , and I saw strange ,
wonderful things , things I had never seen before , like.........
trees , grass , flowers , the sun , that was nice !
my favorite Emo joke
"Lonesome" Keith
DaVerge
had a book on the Heimlich maneuver...and she says..."go and look it up in the
card catalog"...and I said Blah Blah Blah...(this bit goes on for five more
minutes...with all the things he does to find the book) ...So finally I get
the book, and I go outside...and my sister is turning purple from the chicken
bone....
Favorite Emo Bit #47
Lauren
Jaymiller7
up. He said he enjoyed the interview and asked how many people had heard it.
I said "About 34"
"3400??"
"No, 34 people."
At that point he no longer wanted to talk to me.
That gave me my first lesson in show business. Lie to Emo Phillips if you want
to talk to him.
"When I leave new york I get homesick, so i fill the humidifier with urine."
Geoff Williams
> >
> >PS: I think this calls for everyone to post their favorite Emo Phillips
> joke.
I asked her if she'd like to go back to my place. She said, "Do you have
cable?" and I said, "I think the ropes will be strong enough."
"I tried lifting weights once. But the very first day I threw out my back
so...I put down the booklet."
Emo rocks,
Geoff Williams
geoff_w...@SPAMBLOCKbigfoot.com (remove SPAMBLOCK to reply)
Chris Blakeley
: PS: I think this calls for everyone to post their favorite Emo Phillips joke.
: (so, take that, Mr. Gooeyboy).
So I was walking across the Golden Gate Bridge and I noticed this guy was
about to jump. And I tried to stall him... you know... detain him....
long enough to put the film in. And he stopped and turned to look at me,
and.. you know the elephant man? Well he was kinda like that, he had the
head of a horse. My heart went out to him. I said "Why the long face?"
He said, "All my life people have been calling me mean names, like Flicka
or Horse's Head or Chesspiece Face.."
I said, "Don't let it bother you, Ed."
He said, "My girlfriend is suing me."
I said, "For palamino?"
---
You know who I hate more than anyone in the world?
"Who?"
Indian givers. *beat* No wait, I take that back. Do you know who I hate
more than anyone else in the world?
"WHO?"
People who imitate owls.
--
* Q: What animal would you be if you could be an animal? *
* A: You already are an animal --from _Microserfs_ *
***************************************************************************
* Chris Blakeley * blak...@acm.msu.edu * CyberSkeptic *