Some Damn Good Quotes
Bozo
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A lady came up to me on the street and pointed to my suede jacket.
"You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied
in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll
have to kill you too."
Jake Johanson
A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
Bert Leston Taylor
Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop.
Lewis Carroll, from Alice in Wonderland
Someone's boring me. I think it's me.
Dylan Thomas
Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the
intelligence? There's one marked Brightness, but it doesn't work.
Gallagher
When the cat and mouse agree, the grocer is ruined.
Persian Proverb
Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
Frank Zappa
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about
telescopes.
E. W. Dijkstra
If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem
as a nail.
Abraham Maslow
Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you
remember.
Oscar Levant
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him:
'Whose?'
Don Marquis
"Prisons are built with stones of law, brothels with bricks of
Religion."
"Excess of sorrow laughs. Excess of joy weeps."
For a while I didn't have a car...I had a helicopter...no place to
park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow
glance upward]
Homosexuality is assuredly no advantage, but it is nothing to be
ashamed of, no vice, no degradation; it cannot be classified as an
illness; we consider it to be a variation of the sexual function,
produced by a certain arrest of sexual development. Many highly
respectable individuals of ancient and modern times have been
homosexuals, several of the greatest men among them (Plato,
Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, etc.). It is a great injustice to
persecute homosexuality as a crime, and a cruelty, too. If you do not
believe me, read the books of Havelock Ellis.
Sigmund Freud
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a
lamppost how it feels about dogs.
Christopher Hampton
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by
stupidity.
Nick Diamos
The principle of maximum diversity operates both at the physical and
at the mental level. It says that the laws of nature and the initial
conditions are such as to make the universe as interesting as
possible. As a result, life is possible but not too easy. Always when
things are dull, something new turns up to challenge us and to stop us
from settling into a rut. Examples of things which make life difficult
are all around us: comet impacts, ice ages, weapons, plagues, nuclear
fission, computers, sex, sin and death. Not all challenges can be
overcome, and so we have tragedy. Maximum diversity often leads to
maximum stress. In the end we survive, but only by the skin of our
teeth.
Freeman Dyson, "Infinite in All Directions"
La verdad es la verdad... Más mentiras no quiero. It's OK to think, no
one has to know.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Drew Lawson
Old hippies don't die, they just lie low until the laughter stops and
their time comes round again.
Joseph Gallivan
Old hippies don't die, they just lie low until the laughter stops and
their time comes round again.
Joseph Gallivan
Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will
not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius
will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not;
the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination
alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will
solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come
to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Ronald Reagan
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... The other eight
are unimportant.
Henry Miller
Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your
character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what
others think you are.
Dale Carnegie
Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who
can't talk for people who can't read.
Frank Zappa
Television brought the brutality of war into the comfort of the living
room. Vietnam was lost in the living rooms of America, not on the
battlefields of Vietnam.
Marshall McLuhan
As for those who think the Arab world promises freedom, the briefest
study of its routine traditional treatment of blacks (slavery) and
women (purdah) will provide relief from all illusion. If Malcolm X had
been a black woman his last message to the world would have been
entirely different. The brotherhood of Moslem men-all colors-may exist
there, but part of the glue that holds them together is the thorough
suppression of women.
Alice Walker
The art of leadership . . . consists in consolidating the attention of
the people against a single adversary and taking care that nothing
will split up that attention. . . . The leader of genius must have the
ability to make different opponents appear as if they belonged to one
category.
Adolf Hitler
The believer is happy; the doubter is wise.
Hungarian Proverb
"In Venezuela, many people think someone who passes up the chance to
steal is a fool", said Gustavo Coronel, head of Quality of Life, a
private group that conducts anti-corruption workshops. "We're a hyper-
corrupt country."
The last Christian died on the cross.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Some women blush when they are kissed, some call for the police, some
swear, some bite. But the worst are those who laugh.
Anonymous
Thoughts on Humor:
There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about
them.
Heisenberg
A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and
then says them about other people.
Peter McArthur
Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest
earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.
James Thurber
Seven days without laughter makes one weak.
Mort Walker
The great question that has never been answered and which I have not
yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the
feminine soul, is "What does a woman want?"
Sigmund Freud
. . . People say sometimes that beauty is only superficial. That may
be so, but at least it is not so superficial as thought is. To me,
beauty is the wonder of wonders. It is only shallow people who do not
judge by appearances. The true mystery of the world is the visible,
not the invisible.
Oscar Wilde
We have deep depth.
Yogi Berra
We made too many wrong mistakes.
Yogi Berra
You can observe a lot by just watching.
Yogi Berra