Best L&H lines!
Wishkah875
--
Gina Dellago
Bilgeman
"It's a long distance from Atlanta, Georgia"
pissypantsaol.com
>
Well, as for Ollie.. hmmmm...
I think "Going Bye-bye" when he's on the phone:
"Pardon me... My ear is full of milk..."
Stan said many wonderful things, but this always makes me laugh ... when he
addresses Dr. Billy Gilbert in "County Hospital"
Oliver: "and this is my friend, Mr. Laurel"
Doctor: "And I trust you are well?"
Stan: "Thank you Ma'am."
Stan seems so innocently stupid, he can't differentiate between the sexes.
JVBGUY
From Ollie, "Everything would have been all right if you hadn't said 'Aren't
you gonna hang him?' --- Couldn't you see that he was annoyed!?"
The understatement of that word "annoyed", when the guy has just been sentenced
for life (or something like that), kills me every time, as does Ollie's quick
imitation of Stan's smile.
John B.
Co-founder, Laurel and Hardy Central
http://members.aol.com/lhcentral/
"If we say somebody carried a state, you can take it to the bank!" - Dan Rather
"Being a pundit means never having to say you're sorry." - Jeff Cohen
bsal...@my-deja.com
Two of my favorites:
From the Music Box - "Go around? Me, Professor Theodore Von
Schwarzenhoffen, DDS, DDT, MD, FFF and D, should go around"
From Bonnie Scotland "Here I am, Oliver Norville Hardy, a man without a
home, a man without a country, a man without any pants."
Barry
"Twas ever thus!"
Sent via Deja.com
http://www.deja.com/
Eric Perlin
> What do you think are the best and funniest
> lines ever said by L&H?
Here are several that came to mind:
"You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead." -Stan Laurel (Brats)
"At last you're showing some intelligence. That's what comes from associating
with me." -Oliver Hardy (Pardon Us)
"If I have to go to Honolulu alone, he's coming with me!" -Oliver Hardy (Sons of
the Desert)
"Honesty is the best politics." -Stan Laurel (Sons of the Desert)
"I was dreaming I was awake, but I woke up and found meself asleep." -Stan
Laurel (Oliver the 8th)
"Pardon me. My ear is full of milk." -Oliver Hardy (Going Bye Bye)
"If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right in the nose, and I'm just the
fella who can do it." -Stan Laurel (The Fixer Uppers)
"A lot of weather we've been having lately." -Oliver Hardy (Way Out West)
"Isn't that silly. He thinks we're us. We're not us; we're two other
fellas." -Stan Laurel (Swiss Miss)
"I've always gotten along swell with me." -Stan Laurel (Flying Deuces)
"If I were you, I would close my eyes, and I would think of nothing." -Stan
Laurel (Flying Deuces)
"If there's one thing I pride myself in it's my ability to read
character." -Oliver Hardy (A Chump At Oxford)
* * * * *
Notice that two of these lines are from films that are widely regarded to be
among L&H's worst: Oliver the 8th and Swiss Miss.
refining2
"What do you think are the best and funniest lines ever said by L&H?"
One give and take that really sticks with me is from The Live Ghost:
STAN--
"I hear the ocean is infatuated with sharks...."
OLLIE--
"He means infuriated....!"
From One Good Turn, as The Boys are at the old lady's back steps asking for
food:
OLLIE--
"Pardon me, but me and my friend haven't eaten for three whole days...."
STAN--
"Yes ma'am, yesterday, today and tomorrow"
(Annoyance gesture from Ollie)
OLLIE--
"We were wondering if we could trouble you for a couple of slices of white
bread"
STAN--
"Yeah, and could ya throw a slab of ham on that while you're at it....!?"
Andy.
BigStar303
Ollie (twiddling his tie): "Why he means overstepping your bounds!"
Eddie
Stan: Hollywood 4368 -- "Beau Hunks"
Scott MacGillivray
Wishkah875 wrote in message
<20010106172212...@ng-fl1.aol.com>...
> What do you think are the best and funniest lines ever said by L&H?
Sometimes it isn't so much the line as the way they say it.
THE LIVE GHOST -- Hardy: "Some of these days you're going to let your
imagination run amok!"
DIRTY WORK -- Hardy, observing a painting: "I think it's Rio Hondo."
THICKER THAN WATER -- Nurse: "Good morning, Mr. Laurel."
Stan: "Good morning, Mrs.
Nurse."
BEAU HUNKS -- Charles Middleton: "And LAUGH at it all! Heh-heh-heh-heh."
GOING BYE-BYE -- "Pardon me just a moment, my ear is full of milk."
A CHUMP AT OXFORD -- Lord Paddington: "Must be losing his mem'ry. SIlly old
bound-ah."
THE CHIMP -- Billy Gilbert: "Get that monkey out of here!"
Hardy: "You SAID you loved her."
BABES IN TOYLAND -- Hardy: "Ahhhhhh, the boogie man!" (NOT "bogey man!")
PERFECT DAY -- Edgar Kennedy, seeing a minister approaching: "Ohhhhh, shit!"
THE BIG NOISE -- Drunk Jack Norton looking at Hardy: "Say... is this all one
person?"
SONS OF THE DESERT -- Charley Chase reminiscing about his sister pumping the
church organ: "You little organ pumper, you!"
And I have to include one from DANCING MASTERS:
Bob Bailey after his suit is drenched with ginger ale, sheepish but
snarling: "I got my pants wet."
Joe Libby
to life is a classic in itself: "Aren't ya gonna hang him?!!"
In WAY OUT WEST, after the boys have turned over the deed to Lola, Stan
says, "Now that you've got the deed, I'll bet you'll be a swell gold
digger."
In OUR RELATIONS, after Finn convinces the he should invest their money
for them:
Finn: That's what I call determination.
Alf: We're full of it.
I doubt the sarcastic insult, "you're full of it," was around in the
1930's (seems to me I first started hearing it in the mid 1980's). But
it does give that exchange a whole new dimension these days.
Best wishes,
Joe Libby
pissypantsaol.com
>"Pardon me, but me and my friend haven't eaten for three whole days...."
>STAN--
>"Yes ma'am, yesterday, today and tomorrow"
>(Annoyance gesture from Ollie)
Eh, this one was as old as the hills.. I think the vaudeville team of Weber &
Fields used that line...
Oh, I just happened to think of a coouple more lines I love......This time from
Sons of the Desert..
Mae: Oh Shut-up. You make me sick!
and-
Stan: (to Ollie) Spread yer' legs!
Barry
What about Stan saying to Ollie, "Yeah, I'm not as dumb as you look."
MATT
fotom...@my-deja.com
Stan: "Yeah, and they printed it!"
Ollie (reading ad): "'To whom it may concern' . . .to whom it may
concern!"
Stan: "Well, that's so no one else will read it."
Ollie: "'Two young gentlemen who are making a motor trip east would
like someone to drive and also pay expenses, like when we came out
here. Phone: Maine 489. Sincerely yours, Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy.
P.S.: Those not interested do not answer.'"
Stan: "What do you think of it?"
Ollie: "It's very nice . . .brief and right to the point!" (throws
paper at Stan)
Going Bye-bye! -- 1934
Stan: "If I had any sense I'd walk out on you!"
Ollie: "Well, it's a good thing you don't!"
Stan: "It certainly is!"
Helpmates--1932
Stan and Ollie have come to Switzlerland to sell mouse traps(because of
all the cheese there).
Cheese shop owner: "What you are making holes in my floor for?"
Stan: "Well, the mouse has to have some place to get in."
Shop owner: "Oh, maybe so . . .what's that cork for?"
Stan: "That's so the mouse can't get out."
Shop owner: "What you are making another hole in my floor for?"
Ollie: "That's because a mouse never comes out of the same hole twice!"
Swiss Miss--1938
Stan: "If you had a face like mine you'd punch me right in the nose.
And I'm just the fella who could do it!"
The Fixer Uppers -- 1935
Stan G
Stan says... "That's our story and were stuck with it".
Ollie says at the end of the picture to his wife... "How about you and me
going to the mountains". perfect example of saying the wrong thing at the
wrong time.
Stan G
GP
Wishkah875 <wishk...@aol.com> wrote in article
<20010106172212...@ng-fl1.aol.com>...
> What do you think are the best and funniest lines ever said by L&H?
Ollie: You never met my wife, did you?
Stan: Yes, I never did.
Helpmates
Eric Perlin
Stan: (after dropping an atom bomb on Ollie's foot) "I dropped it as easily as I
could."
Or this line:
Stan: "A bird in the hand is worth a pound of cure, but you can't count your
chickens with one stone."
Or this one:
Ollie to Fin: "Pardon this intrusion, but I neglected to mention that this
fine atom bomb is backed by our limited warrantee."
Stan: "That's right. If it goes off accidentally, you get half your money back."
Despite its unusually short running time, Business is Booming contains several
L&H's funniest gags.
BTW, "Business is Booming" is obviously a very early L&H film. It was made back
when Bill Clinton was president, and when post-Cold War cutbacks were being made
in the US military. (Note Fin's line "President Clinton is cutting back on
military spending, and we aren't buying any more atomic bombs this year.")
Jay Anthony
expect from Mrs. Harmons son.
--
Jay Anthony
http://clownsnthings.com
"Eric Perlin" <ericp...@SPAMSUCKSprodigy.net> wrote in message
news:93bfbs$a4g4$1...@newssvr06-en0.news.prodigy.com...
Mickey Ward
Eric Perlin
> I'm sorry this was mentioned. It's a lot like the
Harmon's son? Why, you big bozo! Remember: he who filters my good name steals
trash.
Wishkah875
Ollie: What's the matter now?
Stan: I SAW MGM!!!!!
The Chimp is my all-time favorite L&H episode, BTW.
--
Gina Dellago
TCB-N-USA
something done right, you must do It yourself", then there was a Huge
explosion. I really LMAO at that scene, just as I did In many of their
movies and shorts. Laurel & Hardy have always been my all time favorite
comedians.
Ken Doyle
fotom...@my-deja.com
Stan: "A blizzard?...A blizzard is the inside of a buzzard."
Fin: "hmmm...fresh, huh? How many times does three go into nine?"
Stan: "Three times."
Fin: "Correct."
Stan: "And two left over."
Fin (to Ollie): "What are you laughing at?"
Ollie (snickering): "There's only one left over."
Fin: "D-ohhhh!"
Jay Anthony
him, that he gave to me was the same money I gave to pay him.......
--
Jay Anthony
http://clownsnthings.com
<fotom...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:93nms8$ufk$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...
Dene Bebbington
One of my favourites is from "The Laurel and Hardy Murder Case":
Ollie: Well, your name's Laurel isn't it?!
Stan: Yes, but only on my mother's side, you see it was like this
And another good one from "Oliver the Eighth" is where the mad butler says
"Nice weather we had tomorrow".
--
Dene Bebbington
"Miller, still with a stake in the old socialist faith surveys
the immediate scene against the distant vision of the just
city, and his indignation stems from the assumption that
men could act better than they do" - Irving Wardle
refining2
" One of my favourites is from "The Laurel and Hardy Murder Case" ".
One of mine from TLHMC is:
Stan: "I once had an uncle who died".
Ollie: "How did he die?"
Stan: "He broke his neck".
Ollie: "How did he break his neck?"
Stan: "He fell through a trapdoor".
Ollie: "What do you mean 'he fell through a trapdoor' ?"
Stan: "They hung him".
Andy.
Eric Perlin
Ollie: How did he die?
Stan: He fell through a trap door and
broke his neck.
Ollie: Was he building a house?
Stan: No, they were hanging him. Poor
uncle.
FWIW, I personally never found that exchange particularly amusing. It sounded
more suitable for Burns & Allen or Abbott & Costello than L&H.
"The L-H Murder Case" gets my vote as L&H's worst short film. (It's the only L&H
film that I ever deliberately recorded over, with no plans of replacing it.) And
I'm a person who LIKED Berth Marks, Be Big, Twice Two, and Oliver the Eighth.
James L. Neibaur
>only L&H
>film that I ever deliberately recorded over, with no plans of replacing
>it.) And
>I'm a person who LIKED Berth Marks, Be Big, Twice Two, and Oliver the Eighth.
It plays incredibly well with an audience, even though I have always considered
it their weakest film --- and I am including the post-Roach features.
JN
Please visit the most poorly designed web pages online:
my Favorite Movies web page:
http://hometown.aol.com/jimneibr/myhomepage/movies.html
and my Favorite Performers web page:
http://hometown.aol.com/jimneibr/myhomepage/rant.html
refining2
It's closer to this:
" Ollie: How did he die?
Stan: He fell through a trap door and
broke his neck.
Ollie: Was he building a house?
Stan: No, they were hanging him. Poor
uncle. "
Thanks--I believe that's closer to the exchange. It's been a while since I'd
seen it, but I had fun recreating it, and got a tickle out of it. It's even
fun creating lines that Ollie and Stan might have said had they responded to
the spam on our newsgroup--having fun at the spam author's expense.
About the worst short--I don't know if I'd call any of their shorts the worst.
I laughed hard at Stan accidentally closing the bat in the closet with Ollie.
For me, it showed their creative range by doing a "different" type of short.
Andy.
Steve Hanwell
1. Ollie to Stan "well you've got to be right ONCE in your life..."
2. another film (sorry i cant remember the title) when San was reading a
letter outloud with some bad news in it.
after reading the letter ollie looks upset and stan says "whats the matter"
Ollie says "didn't you read the letter?" to which stan says "yes but i
wasn't listening"
3. the chumps at oxford.
Stan to ollie (corecting his posture)
"stand up straight...... now lift your chin up" (Ollie lifts his chin up)
and stan then says " and now the other one"
classic stuff, but don't you think its just as important the way the lines
are read as what is in the lines? I think Stan and Ollie were certainly
the best actors (which i am sure makes the comedy so much better and put
them in a class of their own.) I used to like Abbott & Costello, the Marx
brothers, Lewis and Martin and Norman Wisdom and although i still find them
all enjoyable to watch, I think Laurel and Hardy are still head and
shoulders above the rest.
Larry
<s.ha...@ntlworld.com> pondered exceedingly, then took quill in hand
and composed:
>classic stuff, but don't you think its just as important the way the lines
>are read as what is in the lines? I think Stan and Ollie were certainly
>the best actors (which i am sure makes the comedy so much better and put
>them in a class of their own.) I used to like Abbott & Costello, the Marx
>brothers, Lewis and Martin and Norman Wisdom and although i still find them
>all enjoyable to watch, I think Laurel and Hardy are still head and
>shoulders above the rest.
I definitely agree. Although we all like L&H, they are not often
critiqued on pure acting ability. They were both unusually fine
actors, especially Babe Hardy. Babe was easily one of the best actors
I have ever seen perform.
Comedians are rarely seen as good actors even when they are. Much of
the public and many professional critics seem to look only at serious
acting by serious actors when they are gauging artistic quality. That
is a huge mistake, IMHO.
Jackie Gleason, somewhat like Babe, was an artist to his fingertips.
But he was generally underrated. Jackie played President William
Howard Taft in an early live TV drama, and his performance was
unforgettable. There was a solo scene where he was sitting on a bed
in the White House and talking to himself. It was pure magic that I
still remember after nearly 50 years. Babe could have handled that
scene at least as well as Jackie, but very few others could have.
Babe and Jackie were certainly very different personality-wise, but
there really were a lot of similarities even beyond the physical ones.
A few comedians have managed to get critical acclaim for their acting.
Charlie Chaplin did, although — and please don't shoot me for saying
this — I honestly feel that he was somewhat OVERrated as an actor.
Stan was better. And Buster Keaton was better.
Larry
§§§ - To reply by e-mail, please remove "r" from rnc - §§§
Qa Wagstaff
Joe Libby
on heaping praise on Charlie's abilities, it can amount to overkill.
I think one reason the best comedians are overlooked for their acting
skills is that they make it look easy. Here are a few examples of some
of our favorites flexing their acting muscles:
Stan in A CHUMP AT OXFORD: While aficianados continue to debate the
merits of this film, I don't think anyone can ignore Stan's great
performance as Lord Paddington. Also, in the silent short DR. PYCKLE
AND MR. PRIDE, Stan's manages to be both hilarious and menacing with his
parody of John Barrymore's Mr. Hyde.
Buster Keaton in LE ROI DE CHAMPS ELYSEES: This 1934 French film
presents Buster in two roles, one of which is a tough as nails gangster.
Keaton plays the part straight and is entirely believable.
Bud Abbott in anything: People tend to pass over Bud's contributions to
the A&C movies. But he really was convincing when talking about Who,
What, and I Don't Know, or why he had to take all those deductions out
of Lou's annual salary, or how Lou was going to ruin the economy by not
putting mustard on his hot dog.
Best wishes,
Joe Libby
JVBGUY
>Bud Abbott in anything: People tend to pass over Bud's contributions to
>the A&C movies. But he really was convincing when talking about Who,
>What, and I Don't Know...
Don't forget Bud Abbott in the offbeat Abbott and Costello picture THE TIME OF
THEIR LIVES, where he showed he could have been a very good character actor.
John B.
Co-founder, Laurel and Hardy Central
http://members.aol.com/lhcentral/
"Don't give your right name, no, no, no" - Fats Waller
TCB-N-USA
asleep".
I think that I did that once - LOL
Dene Bebbington
Qa Wagstaff wrote in message
<782-3A6...@storefull-211.iap.bryant.webtv.net>...
>You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
At last you're using my brain.
Wishkah875
"Remember, a task slowly done, is surely done"! From Be Big!
"Remember, United we stand, divided we fall!" From Towed in a Hole.
--
Gina Dellago
Phil Tate
only L&H
>film that I ever deliberately recorded over, with no plans of replacing
it.)
I agree that it's their worst short - there are far too many bits without
Stan and Ollie for a start. But I still wouldn't go without it.
> And
>I'm a person who LIKED Berth Marks, Be Big, Twice Two, and Oliver the
Eighth.
Be Big is excellent! It's got "now give me the foot AND the boot", and "I'll
grab a hold of something... OOHH!! A HOLD of something...." and "knocked me
right into a heap" and Ollie's fantastic "how free from care everything will
be" speech and everything!
--
Phil
Replace "topov" with "hartleyhare" to reply
On the stereo: Papa M - Live From A Shark Cage
Dene Bebbington
Wishkah875 wrote in message
<20010124103139...@ng-ff1.aol.com>...
> How about these lines from Ollie:
>
> "Remember, a task slowly done, is surely done"! From Be Big!
>
> "Remember, United we stand, divided we fall!" From Towed in a Hole.
Neither do I too.
Dene Bebbington
Phil Tate wrote in message <94n6ro$pgp$1...@plutonium.btinternet.com>...
>>"The L-H Murder Case" gets my vote as L&H's worst short film. (It's the
>only L&H
>>film that I ever deliberately recorded over, with no plans of replacing
>it.)
>
>I agree that it's their worst short - there are far too many bits without
>Stan and Ollie for a start. But I still wouldn't go without it.
There are some funny scenes in that Short though. I think the bit on the
pier at the start is pretty good - like the way Stan casts Ollie's hat into
the water with his fishing line.
[...]
kevin walby
Wishkah875 wrote:
> What do you think are the best and funniest lines ever said by L&H?
>
> --
>
> Gina Dellago
GWREnterprises
Hardy pleading to Stan Laurel in, "Be Big!" The look on Stanley's face was
classic!
GWREnterprises
thought there was a man's hand on the foot of the bed which was Ollie's foot!
"Ollie!" "What?" "Don't look now, but there is a man's hand coming over the
foot of the bed!" "Take that gun, and shoot to kill!" BOOM!!!!! OHHHHHHHHHHHH
HPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY
FOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! PUT
THAT THING DOWN AND COME TO BED!!!!!!!!!!
GWREnterprises
Bilgeman
refining2
The way in which Stan says this line that gets Ollie all bent out of shape:
Stan: "Some dames are kind of particular about those kinds of things" (smoking
his pipe in Ollie and his wife's apartment).
---to which Ollie exasperatingly replies:
"What do you mean calling my wife a DAME?"
Andy.
pissypantsaol.com
--Stan from "Come Clean" (1931)
refining2
"What other Flavors are you out of?"
--Stan from "Come Clean" (1931)
Wasn't that from (also?) "Twice Two"?
Cackle, cackle, cackle.
Andy.
Eric Perlin
> I loved that short! I especially liked to sceen
> where the 2 are in bed and Stan thought there
> was a man's hand on the foot of the bed which
> was Ollie's foot!
You're getting The L-H Murder Case mixed up with Oliver the 8th.
It's easy to make that mistake, as both films have many similarities, including
a dumb dream ending. However, Oliver the 8th is easily funnier. It includes on
of Stan's all-time best lines: "I was dreaming I was awake, and I woke up and
found meself asleep."
The fact that both films are included on the same Video Treasures compilation
(Laurel and Hardy Spooktacular) makes it particularly easy to confuse the two,
as you're likely to watch both films in a row and get confused as to what
happened in which film.
Eric Perlin
> 1.If you have to make a noise make it quietly!!
That line was first used in The Finishing Touch, attributed to the nurse.
I don't know what she was complaining about. I didn't hear L&H say a word
throughout the whole film.
Dene Bebbington
pissypantsaol.com wrote in message
<20010206220121...@ng-bg1.aol.com>...
>>"Well, I couldn't help it, my half was on the bottom"
>>
>>Stan apologising to Ollie when he drinks the glass of soda they were meant
>>to share.
>>
>
>Ah, but that was a Webber & Fields gag before it was a Laurel & Hardy gag.
I
>have a copy of a vintage recording Webber & Fields made at the turn of the
>century, and they were going in to a beer hall with one nickel. Well, the
>entire routine is so similar to what Laurel & Hardy later did in Men'OWar,
that
>I wonder if 1929 audiences knew it had been "cribbed."
>
>I also know that Stan borrowed another gag from them in 1932 when they made
a
>record in London.( He leaves their return tickets at home on the piano &
the
>boy's have to swim back)
>I recently made an MP3 file of this Laurel & Hardy recording & if any of
you
>would like to hear it, e-mail me & I shall send it as an attachment. (but
>please, folks ... remove my "pissypants" first!)
>Laurel & Hardy put their own spin on this material, however. Webber &
Fields
>were doing German dialect comedy & were more associated with Vaudeville.
Thanks for the info.
Joe Libby
FLYING. But without the "my half was on the bottom" punchline.
Best wishes,
Joe Libby
Thomas Stillabower
refining2
Mickey Ward
CHan534270
Dene Bebbington
CHan534270 wrote in message
<20010210180829...@ng-mm1.aol.com>...
>So do I neither!
Certainly! Life's not short enough.
buriedge...@gmail.com
> What do you think are the best and funniest lines ever said by L&H?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> --
>
> Gina Dellago