Name That Routine!
Elayne and Steve Chaput
It doesn't sound familiar to ME at all.
BTW, I'm now on the Internet - my handle is
fire...@panix.com
but I can't for the life of me figure out how to operate things! I keep
trying to post a message to the Newsgroup (at least I'm able to read
messages from y'all now), but the news reader and my QModem program don't
tell me how to save my messages, return to reading others, etc. I'm sure
I'll get the hang of it soon, but if anyone else out there has Panix and/
or QModem, I could sure use some advice!
- Elayne
-------- Forwarded Message --------
FROM: Stacy Goodowens, 72614,3104
TO: Elayne and Steve Chaput, 72672,2714
DATE: 05/26/94 at 22:48
SUBJECT: Firesign Theatre
HELP!! We are desperate to find the words to a '70's era Firesign bit
which began...
"A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm, the show
begins and the comedian comes out for his first show of the evening..."
Seems to us it was 2 to 4 minutes long and ended...
"...and the audience gave him a hand."
If you happen to have memorized it, please share. If not, we'd be ecstatic
just to be pointed toward a recording label or specific recording of it.
There's a newsletter? What's the deal?
Stacy & Paul
(we just know you'd love us...<g>)
chris williams
>Hi all - can anybody help this lovely lady identify the following routine?
>It doesn't sound familiar to ME at all.
>
>which began...
>
>"A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm, the show
>begins and the comedian comes out for his first show of the evening..."
>
>Seems to us it was 2 to 4 minutes long and ended...
>
>"...and the audience gave him a hand."
It's not Firesign. It's from a National Lampoon album, "Radio
Dinner" I think. I can't remember the entire thing, but some wonderful
bits were...
"...the tailor says 'it'll cost you an arm and a leg' and the comedian
says 'can you put it on the cuff?' and the tailor replies 'look, how
about just the arm?' (and a beautiful arm it is!) So the tailor cuts
off the arm and gives the comedian the suit. The tailor gives beautiful
arm to his girlfriend. She loves it so much that she wears it around her
neck like a stole. They go out to a club. The comedian is just starting
his second show of the evening when a man walks in with a beautiful arm
on his girl..."
This can probably be answered on rec.music.dementia as Dr. Demento
has played it.
Chris Williams of
Chris'n'Vickie of Chicago
chr...@fciad2.bsd.uchicago.edu (his)
vic...@njin.rutgers.edu (hers)
Elayne Wechsler-Chaput
- Elayne
Richard Arnold
: Hi all - can anybody help this lovely lady identify the following routine?
: It doesn't sound familiar to ME at all.
: "A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm, the show
: begins and the comedian comes out for his first show of the evening..."
The routine is:
A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm. The show
begins, and the comedian comes out for his first show of the evening. The
comedian says, "A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his
arm..." The show begins, and the comedian comes out for his second show
of the evening. The show begins, and the comedian says, "A man walks into
a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm..."
Just then, a man stands up and says "I think I heard this one before."
The comedian says, "Maybe you caught my first show of the evening." The
man says "No, I just walked in here." The comedian says "Well there was a
guy who looked just like you walked in here with a beautiful girl on his
arm, maybe it was your twin brother." The man says "My twin brother is
dead." The comedian says "What is this, a wake?"
The man says "I don't have to stand for this..." and he stands up, and
walks outside of the nightclub. The comedian says "Hey, you still out
there? I can hear you breathing." The man says "I'm holding my breath."
"Well, I'm holding your wife."
Just then the man says "That's not my wife" and he walks back into the
nightclub with another beautiful girl on his arm. The comedian asks "Hey,
who's that lady I'm seeing you with?" The man says "THIS is my wife.
That other lady is my dead twin brother's wife. You can take her if you
want her." And the comedian says "Not unless you say please."
Just then a man walks into the nightclub with a tatoo of a beautiful girl
on his arm eating elbow macaroni. The comedian asks "Hey, is that lady
from Italy?" The man says "No, just Hungary."
Just then a man comes into the nightclub...he comes RIDING into the
nightclub on a pony, with a feather stuck in his hat. "What do you call
that?" the comedian asks. "An entrance," the man says, "but just forget
that, get me a beer, and get my pony a jockey."
The bartender says "I think that pony's had enough already."
"Well make it a short jockey," the man says, "and while you're at it, get
that lady's lawyer some breifs."
The lady stands up and says "I can defend mySELF, your honor." And the
lawyer stands up and says "But I'll defend her HONOR, your honor." The
judge says "Well let her offer; make up your mind." The comedian says
"Definately HONOR, that's the best offer I had all day."
"Well take it or leave it" says the judge.
"Couldn't we just drop it?" says thhe comedian.
"You have to drop leaflets before you bomb."
"Well I'm already bombing."
"Maybe it's your material."
"You don't think it fits?"
"Weeeell, it could be let out a little."
The comedian asks "How much do you think it'll cost me?" "It'll cost you
an arm and a leg" says the man. The comic says "Listen, can you put it
on the cuff?" The tailor says "I'll tell you what I'll do, we'll forget
the leg, and I'll just charge you an arm." And a beautiful arm it is.
"OK" says the comedian, so the tailor cuts off the comedian's arm, and
gives him his suit. The tailor goes home and calls up his girl; he wants
to take her out on the town that night in order to celebrate. He calls
on his girl, and gives her the beautiful arm as a gift, and she wears it
around her neck just like a stole. And they go out on the town.
The man walks into the nightclub with a beautiful arm on his girl. The
show begins, and the one-armed comedian comes out for his last show of the
evening. He does his act, and the audience stands up, and gives him a hand.
==========
The preceeding routine, for better or worse, has been stuck in my head
since high school. I can't believe I still remember it, word-for-word.
The routine, despite the number of words, is only 2 minutes long, and it
is intended to be spoken as quickly as possible, with as few breaths as
you can get away with; more-or-less in the style of Henny Youngman. As
you can tell from the text, hidden inside the routine are many references
to Youngman and his ilk's routines ("take my wife, please" "honor and
offer" etc.)
It is NOT a Firesign Theatre routine. It was written and performed by
Brian Doyle-Murray (former cast member on Saturday Night Live, and Bill
Murray's older brother) on the National Lampoon Radio Hour back in the
early-to-mid 1970s. This particular routine made it to album form on the
National Lampoon "Gold Turkey" album. So far as I know, that album is
out of print and circulation, but I have a half-decent copy of it (I
don't think I've played it in over 10 years). If you want a copy of the
album, or just this particular routine, e-mail me, and I'll give you my
address to send me a blank tape.
Sirwill1
complete routine, I'm wondering if any of you fireheads can help me find
this one -- definitely not an FT schtick. Here's what I can remember...
It begins "It was the day of the King's castration and all the haves and
have nots were there...."
Then, after a whole lot that I can't remember it contains the oft quoted
""'Balls!' said the Queen, 'If I had two, I'd be King.' and the King
laughed, not because he had t(w)o, but because he wanted t(w)o..."
I'd really appreciate any help on getting this long lost bit together in
its entirety.
Thanks,
Guillaume le Mechant (at your cervix)
---
This copy of Freddie 1.2.5 is being evaluated.
The_Doge
Martin H. Booda <bo...@lynx.navo.navy.mil> wrote:
>In article <CqpAM...@umassd.edu>, m1co...@UMASSD.EDU (Zezhian Dragonfang) writes:
>|> In article <2sges3...@twain.ucs.umass.edu>, spa...@twain.ucs.umass.edu (Spatch) writes:
>|> >
>|> >Does anyone remember the spoonerism Cinderella story? Now there's
>|> >a classic piece of material.
>|> >
>|> >*shrugs*
>|> >
>|> I managed to get a recording of that a LONG time ago when Dr. Demento
>|> played it (not a GREAT recording [the extreme beginning is cut off]). Who
>|> DID that, anyway?
>|>
>Roy Clark, as I recall. A plague upon your cysty uglers.
>
Wasn't it Archie Campbell who used to specialize in this stuff
("Beeping Sleuty" and so forth)?
--
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* The_Doge of South St. Louis | clav...@nyx.cs.du.edu *
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