The definitive Fast Show character list!

[Matthew Westcott]

A few mates and I were a bit bored this afternoon, so we decided to put
together a list of all the characters in the Fast Show. They get a bit
obscure near the end, and we're bound to have missed some. Can anyone
think of any more? And do any more of these have actual names? (Some of
them have names but never actually get used in the show, such as Patrick
Nice)
Here goes...

1. You ain't seen me... right?
2. Brilliant! / Rubbish!
3. Does my bum look big in this?
4. Dave Angel, Eco Warrior
5. Different With Boys (the woman who's really 'hard' in the company of
women, but, er, different with boys)
6. Soppy Businessmen
7. The artist who goes "Black!"
8. Swiss Toni
9. Jesse
10.Chris the cockney geezer
11.Arthur Atkinson / Tommy Cockles ("Where's me washboard?")
12.Rowley Birkin QC (very, very drunk)
13.Ted and Ralph (Ralph Mayhew, I do believe)
14.Professor Denzil Dexter (and Dave)
15.Bob Fleming (and Jed)
16.Carl Hooper (That's Amazing!)
17.Roy and Renee Clarke ("What did I say Roy?")
18.Chanel 9 (Poutros Poutro-Poutremos, Knossos Appollonios, Poula
Fisch...)
19.Checkout girl
20.Janine Carr ("I really love the Queen Mother")
21.Jazz Club (Louis Balfour)
22.Simon Bush and Lyndsay Mottram ("Let's Offroad!")
23.Ken and Kenneth ("Ooh, suit you Sir!")
24.Competitive Dad (Simon Johnstone)
25.No Offence
26.Patrick Nice ("...Which was nice.")
27.Indecisive Dave
28.Billy Bleach (annoying bloke in the pub)
29.The Fat Coppers
30.Deaf Stuntman
31.Squeamish Zookeeper
32."We're Cockneys!"
33."We're from the Isle of Man"
34.Unlucky Alf ("oh, bugger.")
35.13th Duke of Wymbourne
36."I'm not pissed" (Philip Karlsberg)
37.Ed Winchester
38.I'll get me coat
39.Nudist Couple
40.Colin Hunt
41."Hardest game in the world"
42."Anyone fancy a pint?"
43.Eras Video
44.Monkfish
45.Cheesy Peas
46.Gideon Soames (historian)
47."Monster, monster!"
48.Sir Geoffrey Norman MP (Politician who denies everything)
49.Ron Manager
50.That family that runs around saying "Come on girls. Quick!"
51.The Patagonians
52.Singing hikers ("Fal-da-dee, fal-da-da...")
53.Cute Disabled Man
54.That bloke who thinks women are obsessed with sex
55.The Christian policemen
56.Crap Croupier
57.The Unpronounceables
58.Dr Sidney Fraude
59.That band with the song that insulted their manager

--
Matthew Westcott

anyone fancy a pint?

[Paul Smith]

Matthew Westcott <gas...@raww.org.RemoveThisBit> wrote in message
news:37668B32...@raww.org.RemoveThisBit...

> A few mates and I were a bit bored this afternoon, so we decided to put
> together a list of all the characters in the Fast Show. They get a bit
> obscure near the end, and we're bound to have missed some. Can anyone
> think of any more? And do any more of these have actual names? (Some of
> them have names but never actually get used in the show, such as Patrick
> Nice)

1. "Hold the bells" "Oh! It usually comes up"
2."Then you move it - just a little bit"
3. "Where's me washboard?Eh? Eh? " (Arthur Atkinson - not forgetting Tommy
Cockles, who introduces the sketches )
4."You don't want to leave that there - I'll nick it"
5. "Hi - My name's Ed Winchester"

I'll em ...get me coat

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[Simon Rogers]

Matthew...would you mind if I included your character list on my
website....?

Simon Rogers ( webm...@fast-show.freeserve.co.uk )

http://www.fast-show.freeserve.co.uk

[Matthew Westcott]

Simon Rogers wrote:
>
> Matthew...would you mind if I included your character list on my
> website....?

"Don't post a list of Fast Show characters on this group mate... I'll
nick it! I'm a geezer, an'I? I'm a one man crime wave..."

Where was I? Oh yes, you're welcome to put them on your website. Two
more I've just remembered are "Someone's sitting there" and one with a
DJ in, which I can't remember anything else about.

Matthew Westcott

[~Axa~]

Your list is great.
Excellent job, Matthew !!!

--
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email: axa.hi...@sci.fi
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ICQ#: 28107016

Please join my LFC- mailing list at my homepage...

Andy Cole is ill, so Alex Ferguson offers to go shopping for him.
While in the local supermarket, he bumps into Gerard Houllier.
"Hello, Alex, what are you doing here?"
"I'm getting a bag of potatoes for Andy Cole".
"Well, sounds like a fair swap to me"...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Paul Sutton]

"what did I say? Roy"...

or is that Harry Enfield...

I'll get me coat.

[Roo]

You said 'I could shit through the eye of a needle'

Definitely was FS. Well remembered.

Paul Sutton wrote in message <7kbn60$jvt$1...@news8.svr.pol.co.uk>...

[Matthew Westcott]

Doh! Another one I forgot...
"Sorry, I've just come."

Matthew Westcott

[Robertster]

I seem to remember a sketch with two builders (I think) who would have a
conversation that culminated with a swear word, but it always cut away just
before. Did this exist?

Robertster Dawes
"Get off me you freak!" - Dave Angel, Eco-warrior

[~Axa~]

Oh yeah, I remember that. 1st season, I think...

Robertster wrote:

--

[Sinivaara Heikki]

Robertster <rober...@tinyonline.co.uk> wrote:

: I seem to remember a sketch with two builders (I think) who would have a
: conversation that culminated with a swear word, but it always cut away just
: before. Did this exist?

Did it exist? Did it fu

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[Robertster]

Sinivaara Heikki wrote in message <7kkivb$hcg$2...@baker.cc.tut.fi>...

>Robertster <rober...@tinyonline.co.uk> wrote:
>
>: I seem to remember a sketch with two builders (I think) who would have a
>: conversation that culminated with a swear word, but it always cut away
just
>: before. Did this exist?
>
>Did it exist? Did it fu
>

Nice! If you had a POTM I'd nominate you.

[Harry]

Ok, I already have my coat on... but which show was it had the dad who
went shopping for his daughter and always managed to come up with
something better than what was on her shopping list?

Harry

Matthew Westcott <gas...@raww.org.RemoveThisBit> wrote:

>A few mates and I were a bit bored this afternoon, so we decided to put
>together a list of all the characters in the Fast Show. They get a bit
>obscure near the end, and we're bound to have missed some. Can anyone
>think of any more? And do any more of these have actual names? (Some of
>them have names but never actually get used in the show, such as Patrick
>Nice)

>Here goes...
>
>snip
ne...@harry-the-planet.nospamdemon.co.uk
N.B. E-mail replies: remove "nospam" from email address.
[Measure forced by weight of spam mail resulting from any posting]

"Cliches are holes in the bucket of life..."

http://www.harry-the-planet.demon.co.uk/

[Roo]

It was on a lot of show, especially in the last series.

Even better than that dear, I got a Gregorian Chant CD, etc etc.

Great

Roo

Harry wrote in message <377a809f...@news.demon.co.uk>...

[tonycon...@yahoo.com]

On Tuesday, 15 June 1999 08:00:00 UTC+1, Matthew Westcott wrote:
> A few mates and I were a bit bored this afternoon, so we decided to put
> together a list of all the characters in the Fast Show. They get a bit
> obscure near the end, and we're bound to have missed some. Can anyone
> think of any more? And do any more of these have actual names? (Some of
> them have names but never actually get used in the show, such as Patrick
> Nice)
> Here goes...
>