RI-678i Vincent Van Gogh and his Misery

[Koos Nolst Trenite]

22 August 1996

RI-678i 'Vincent Van Gogh and his Misery'

from Ambassador for Mankind

Message # RI-678i for Internet

This data about Vincent Van Gogh
puts to shame the singer John Denver,
who made an evergreen song about Van Gogh's "love for people".

"I refused the reality of many people.
I was not in the same [compassionate, mental] space
with people I pretended to love.
I hardly communicated to people,
and especially NOT about their reality.

Vincent Van Gogh"

(see also www.trenite.de)

Solo-Confessional of Jutta Nolst Trenite, on 21 Aug 1996, 18:48 GMT,
ordered by Ambassador for Mankind.

[Solo-Auditor:] What have you withheld from Koos
about your lifetime as Vincent Van Gogh? F

[Jutta:] "As Van Gogh,
I wanted to REMAIN upset, or
I wanted to BE upset,
about people's taste in art,
about what they would want to have, and
about [when I still worked in a Gallery
to sell the paintings of others]
which paintings I wanted to, but could not sell to them.

"I had an insane generality [fixed idea]
about the buying habits of people,
that
'they (who is they?) would [only] want to buy
"well made but lifeless decorative canvasses"', LFBD
and
'I wouldn't be able to sell them "real good art"'.

"I see myself, as Van Gogh,
upsetting people
who came into the galleries
which I was working in as an Art-salesman (in London, and in Belgium),
being UNWILLING to see their reality, LFBD
being unwilling to duplicate their surroundings
(their house and family and
their life-style,
their business-friends, etc.),
invalidating their likes and dislikes, and
making them wrong for it.

"For example,
that some LIKED
'grazing fat cows on soft meadows', LFBD
and did NOT LIKE
'old worn-out horses
in front of a half broken-down carriage
with an old tired man, half asleep,
waiting for customers'.

"For example,
that some would prefer having, in their dining room,
a 'Nature Morte' [still-life] with pheasants on it,
to having
my 'Potato Eaters', which I painted later.

"I see in it now
a compulsion of mine to make people wrong
for enjoying the riches of life, LFBD
for enjoying good food and well furnished houses,
for enjoying dressing themselves well
and dressing their wives and sons and daughters well,
for enjoying a visit to the theater,
for using a carriage drawn by horses to go there.

"[Those were] scenes which I DIDN'T paint, later,
only the thin old horses. LFBD

"'Compassion' for the suffering poor,
and
'no compassion' for those
who understood to live well
and
who cared well for their families and
for their employees (if they were businessmen).

"I didn't do anything for others.
I did not do anything
for those poor wretched figures which I painted,
I did not even do it
in order to make others aware
of the misery that existed around them.

"I didn't even sell my paintings,
so that others COULD see the misery
and decide to do something for these people.

"I didn't make big shows
with my paintings of the Borinage,
- the coal mining area with all its misery - LFBD
so that some people could decide
to do something for those people, LFBD LFBD
no,
I WANTED to BE miserable." LFBDBDBD

[Solo-Auditor:] What have you withheld from Koos
about your lifetime as Vincent Van Gogh?

[Jutta:] "Yes, I WANTED TO BE MISERABLE. LFBD's LFBDBD

"This was my reality:
I wanted to be 'like Jesus Christ'
who loved people
but who was then doubted, rejected, prosecuted
and betrayed, arrested, and crucified. LF

"'Poor me,
I also loved people
and I also was rejected.'

"This was a lie. LFBDBD

"I refused the reality of others.
I did not love people. LFBDBD

"I did not WANT to have 'ARC'
for the people I met. LFBDBD LFBDBD

['ARC': understanding, love,
(real Affinity for, true Reality about,
honest Communication with)]

"I REFUSED the reality of many people.
I was not in the same [compassionate, mental] space
with people I pretended to love.
I hardly communicated to people,
and especially NOT about their reality.

"And when they showed clearly to me
that their reality was very different
from my 'reality' about them,
then I had an 'understandable' 'ARC-Break' [upset, break in 'ARC']
and was dramatizing 'being rejected'." LFBDBDBD

[Solo-Auditor:] What have you withheld from Koos
about your lifetime as Vincent Van Gogh?

"I wanted to destroy Paul Gauguin
for wanting to get results from me
- as regards my pretense that Theo [Vincent van Gogh's brother]
would assist us in our stay in Arles [town in France] LFBDBDBD
so that we could work:
'Theo would sell,
we would have money to continue, LFBD
and that would be the money we had earned
through the sale of our paintings.' LFBD LFBD's

"But Theo sold neither Paul's paintings, nor mine.

"Paul Gauguin WAS able and willing
to duplicate that reality (about Theo). LF LFBD

"I was NOT willing to do that.

"I attacked Gauguin
'because he rejected me
and I desperately wanted that he comes back
(when he left the house after a quarrel)'. LFBDBDBD LFBD

"This was not the truth.
The truth [is]
I had had NO 'ARC for' [Understanding for] Theo [Van Gogh]
about his real intentions for me.
I PRETENDED to have a lot of 'ARC for' Gauguin.
But for both I took no responsibility.

"I wanted to pull Gauguin down
into also accepting Theo's pretense
of being helpful to us
when he sends now and then 50 Francs, or so,
and for the rest doesn't sell our work.

"I refused to be responsible
for Gauguin's intentions
[that he wanted] to SELL his work
- not just to have some money for living,
but also to become known.

"Gauguin missed my withhold [nearly found out about me]
that I refused to be responsible for Theo, and
that I refused to be responsible for him [Gauguin], and
that I refused to be responsible for myself. LFBDBD

"Gauguin missed my withhold
that I WANTED TO BE MISERABLE,
that I WANTED TO BE VICTIM,
that I REFUSED TO CARE FOR MYSELF, and
that I wanted to continue to be 'good friends' with Theo,
because Theo, contrary to Gauguin,
did not remind me of,
did not scold me for
my irresponsibility of not caring for myself,
but Gauguin did [remind me and scold me for it]. LFBDBD

"I WANTED TO BE MISERABLE -
so it 'helped' me to be miserable
that Theo had no intention to sell my paintings!

"I WANTED TO BE MISERABLE -
therefore,
demanding of Theo to do the promised selling.
wouldn't have helped me to be miserable, LFBD
and
withdrawing the selling agreement with my brother Theo, and
selling my paintings myself,
would also
not have helped me to be miserable!

"I dominated myself into BEING MISERABLE. LFBD

"I wanted to dominate Gauguin
TO BE MISERABLE, too. LFBDBDBD

"Why did I have to be miserable?
Why did I want to be miserable?

"In order
to get my (Van Gogh's) mother's attention. LFBD

"To blame my condition on others. sF
To win somebody's 'favor'. F

"To win the 'favor' of my (Van Gogh's) mother. LFBDBD LFBDBDBD
To make her look at me. LF

"Instead of
making her look at me
by cheering her up and LFBD
by making her more alive! LFBDBD

LFBD-F/Nind

Jutta Nolst Trenite"

Total session hours: 02:45 min

[Note by Koos:
There is of course more
to an intention to have a miserable life,
than 'wanting to get some attention from mother'.

This will be uncovered in the next session.]

(The abbreviations F(Fall), LF(Long Fall), LFBD(Long Fall Blow
Down) and F/N(Floating Needle) describe reactions on the
E-meter, indicating mental charge (F, LF, LFBD), and release
of charge completed (F/N).
"LFBD-F/N" = truth found out. "ind" = indicated to the person.)
(See RI-648i 'Simplicity of E-meter use, by UNDERSTANDING it' 1 Aug 96
RI-610i 'Understanding the E-meter, correctly' of 26 June 96)

Koos Nolst Trenite - Ambassador for Mankind

Copyright 1996 by Koos Nolst Trenite

references:
RI-108i 'LRH on Exchange, Money, Friendship - Van Gogh' 14 Mar 95
RI-521i 'On Jutta's Refusal to Help Mankind effectively' 20 Mar 96

RI-647i 'B. Franklin returning from France - I' of 30 July 96
RI-656i 'B. Franklin returning from France - II' of 30 July 96
RI-674i 'B. Franklin returning from France - III' of 30 July 96
RI-133i 'B. Franklin's right to NOT be' of 31 Mar 1995

RI-397i 'What LRH had to do with it' of 5 Dec 1995
RI-445i 'Jutta more cause over L. Ron Hubbard' of 5 Jan 1996
RI-501i 'Trying to kick Koos out of the group - Part I' 5 Mar 96

RI-668i 'COMPLETE Scientology Data for Everyone, FOR FREE' 16 Aug 96

RI-10i 'Confronting a Suppressive' of 12 Oct 1994
RI-53i 'Past Life Criminals and Scn Ethics' of 29 July 1994
RI-269i 'How to Handle Irresponsible People' of 26 Sept 1995
RI-444i 'The Practice of "SP-declares"' of 5 Jan 1996

RI-58i 'Fair Game Series - Treatment of Enemies' of 1 Jan 95
RI-487i 'Dialogue: On Enemies and Hostility' of 20 Feb 1996
RI-535i '"An Enemy of my Enemy is my Friend" = INSANE' 10 Apr 96

RI-514i 'Confessionals and Blackmail - VERY IMPORTANT' 16 Mar 96
RI-541i 'Correct and Joyful Confessional Procedure - I' 20 Apr 96
RI-542i 'Correct and Joyful Confessional Procedure - II' 2 May 96
RI-545i 'Correct and Joyful Confessional Procedure - III' 20 May 96

RI-288i 'The Main Evil Purpose' of 15 Oct 1995
RI-537i 'The Right to Demand Awareness' of 15 Apr 1996
RI-553i 'Decency and Honesty - Condition of Hiding' of 7 May 1996

RI-50RQi 'RI-xxxi series Archive - Content and Use' 28 Dec 94
Revised and Replaced on 6 March 1996

These and other RI-Bulletins can be obtained

(with WWW-browser) at
ftp://thetics.europa.com/outgoing/adams/RI
(with ftp) at
thetics.europa.com/outgoing/adams/RI