Thanksgiving Do's and DON'Ts!!!
penic...@bigmailbox.net
hints guaranteed to make this Thanksgiving an occasion you'll cherish
in your memory for years to come. (Please note: All you Canadians and
other
miscellaneous foreign elements out there may ignore the following
article. I
know that you have different customs and holidays. That's fine with
me. A
lot of you still pay a huge chunk of your taxes to support that Evil
(not to mention murderous) Queen and her rotten family of "royal"
snoots and snobs over in England, who are involved in yet another
scandal again, this time involving the horrors of sodomy and rape.
See what those filthy, smegma-packed foreskins do for you? I'll deal
with your special problems later. This message is for real Americans
and all LEGAL visitors and immigrants to the Best Country in
the World, God's Country, the United States of America! Hallelujah!!!)
And in my opinion you're not "legal" unless you speak our language
and obey our traffic laws.
1. DO have a traditional Thanksgiving feast, which includes turkey
with stuffing, dressing, cranberry sauce, yams, Indian corn, squash,
and pumpkin
pie. You may serve other foods as well, of course, but ham is not
recommended because the Holy Bible says we mustn't eat pork, an
unclean meat
that's full of worms (Leviticus 11:7). I know that the New Testament
later pronounced all foods clean (Acts 10:15), mostly to get more of
those
filthy uncircumcised white gentiles out of paganism and into the Holy
Church quickly, but we now know that there are very sound health
reasons for keeping our kitchens kosher, and penises properly
circumcised, and if we love the
Lord as much as we're supposed to (Deuteronomy 6:5), we'll leave the
ham and cheese for the heathen. If you consider yourself a heathen,
or even worse a
pagan, by all means eat whatever you want. You can eat opossums and
skunks for
all I care. Just be sure to enjoy your meals while you can. Where
you're
headed (the Putrid Pit) there will be NO enjoyment whatsoever. Most
of you are fat, ugly gluttons anyway.
2. DO give thanks for all your blessings, both great and small, and
encourage your children to do the same. Everyone should be allowed to
testify about what God has done for him during the past year. All
should listen attentively and wait his turn. When Uncle Bob and Aunt
Beulah
launch into an organ recital ("Your hernia didn't hurt half as much as
my hemorrhoids"), it's time to serve something to drink and to start
reading from the Psalms. When they start wanting expose their naked
flesh and show you how big their surgical scars are, you'll have to
step in and tell them such displays are inappropriate to family
get-togethers. Children don't need to see naked bodies on display. I
believe we all know the Lord Jesus came to earth to clothe the naked,
not to strip people who know how to cover up their flesh properly, the
kind of people flesh worshippers and sex maniacs call "textiles."
I've got news for you epicureans: I'm a human being, not a textile,
but I know when to keep my clothes on. A lot of you don't.
3. DO remember those less fortunate and offer them some of your
repast. Invite someone down on his luck to dine with your family, so
that he
(or she) may know what Christianity in action truly is -- sharing and
loving one's fellows. A lot of people are doing without these days
since the greedy and super-rich are hanging on to their money and
keeping hard-working people poor and dispossessed. God will punish
the wealthy for hoarding their riches. THey should give to the Holy
Church until it hurts. Just be sure not to pick up any homeless bums
who refuse to work off the streets and give them anything. The Bible
says, "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth
not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the Word of Truth" (2 Timothy
2:15). Work is a blessing, not a curse. It's how we improve the
world. Those who legitimately can't work deserve our compassion and
our help. Those who stubbornly refuse to work do not. They can
starve and freeze to death for all I care. There are blind, deaf,
insane, and retarded people out there making
enough to get by. They may not have fine homes, but they can take
care of themselves without begging us hardworking wage earners for
handouts
on street corners. I salute them for that. I'd rather have a
slobbering cripple at my table than a panhandler who steals bananas
from fruitstands. Lazy good-fo-nothings need to make themselves
useful for a change. Invite a homeless bum to your table only if he
rakes your leaves or cleans out your gutters first, and make sure he
knows his presence would be much more heartily appreciated by everyone
if he found something worthwhile to do with his life and stopped
burdening society with his abject need. Don't allow any of those
stinky illegal immigrants into your home. They have no respect
whatsoever for our borders, culture, laws, or customs. They're just
freeloading filth. I say send them back where they came from, which
is usually one of those hot and stuffy countries where people shed
their clothes and couple indiscrimiinately while chanting to pagan
(i.e., false) gods. Some people in the world are genuinely severely
impaired in one way or another. You may of course help them. It's
the people who scoff at God's traditions, such as strong borders
between nations, who must be cast out.
4. DON'T forget needy orphans and widows on Thanksgiving. They will
be grateful to you for your compassion. If you've shoved your poor
old parents
or grandparents into nursing homes where they're probably being abused
by quack doctors and hypo-happy hookette nurses who take your money
and torture your flesh and blood, bring them home for the feast, even
if they make a mess at the table or embarrass you in front of your
rich, snob guests by taking a dump on your fine furniture. I hear
that naked people are always leaving streaks and stains on all kinds
of furniture. You owe your lives to your parents, and you mustn't let
a little senility get in the way of God's Commandment to "honour thy
father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee"
(Deuteronomy 5:16). If your parents are divorced and have remarried,
ask them to come together to your home without dragging their new
spouses along, so you can hopefully rekindle memories of the good
times. God probably doesn't recognize those newer marriages of
convenience anyway, and who knows? You may even bring them together
again. Let the old folks spend the night, even if
they cough and wheeze in their sleep and keep you awake with all their
moaning and groaning. That'll give you an idea of what they go
through in those pitiful nursing homes and assisted "living"
facilities. You can take them back to the sanitarium in the morning.
5. DON'T allow any relative's partner in sin to come to your table and
eat with your family. You're only condoning their wickedness by doing
so and setting the worst possible example for the children. If your
son
is living in sin with some floozy, invite him but exclude her. Don't
even let her in the door. If she insists on coming in spite of your
wishes, give her a wooden stool and let her sit outside with a cup of
water and some unleavened bread to eat. Remind her that "the body is
not for
fornication, but for the Lord: and the Lord for the body" (1
Corinthians 6:13) and explain that you cannot aid and abet her in her
sin. That'll teach
her -- and hopefully your son as well - that you can never win when
you sin. If your daughter is "cohabiting" with some hippy bum who
never wants to cover his fat, hairy, naked -- and probably unwiped --
backside, let her come in put put him out back with the family dog.
Don't even give him a seat to park his cushy behind on. If he loves
nature so much, let him make himself comfortable on the cold ground.
If the children have children out of Holy Wedlock -- and God forbid!
-- invite the kids but insist that their whore of a mother or hobo of
a father sit outside. The children will learn first hand how
God feels about -- and deals with -- such willful disobedience of His
Holy
Commandments. Atheists and heretics may be invited in provided
they're married to a member of your family, but they must not be
allowed to espouse their evil viewpoints in front of the children or
old people. Let them keep their Godless despair to themselves. The
same goes for members of weird cults. If anyone surreptitiously
plants a "Watchtower" or "Awake!" magazine in the paper rack, fish it
out and burn it immediately -- in front of everyone. Let it be known
that you refuse to tolerate heresy in your home.
6. DO sing hymns of thanksgiving and praise. Read from the Bible.
Take your guests to Church if it's open. Thanksgiving is all about
Gratitude towards GOD for all the wonderful things he has done for us.
Discuss those things, including all the minor miracles you've
experienced in your life, with your family. I always like to describe
how God has healed my bladder infections and sciatica through the
Power of Prayer. I hope you're all going to a Holy Church where
miracles are performed regularly. Take Great Grandma Whiteoak down
there this weekend and she just might be able to throw away her cane
and hearing aid and incontinence pads forever, praise the Lord!
7. DO get to know relatives you haven't seen for years. Settle family
quarrels and make new commitments to get along and "love one another,
as I [Jesus] have loved you" (John 15:12). Exchange addresses and
phone numbers and keep in touch. Invite relatives and friends to come
see
you during your vacations, and go visit them. If your Aunt Ruth's
children either don't go to Church regularly as they should or go to
one of
those ultra-liberal "churches" where they don't perform miracles or
speak in
tongues, invite them to come stay with you for the winter. When they
come, make sure they're in the right kind of Church every time its
doors are opened. Any "church" that serves beer or has a smokers'
lounge is bogus and should be burned to the ground. And don't mince
words with them if their parents are living in any sort of sin and
shame. We had these neighbors once who had their wild nieces and
nephews over every summer. When I'd see them, I'd always remind them
I could tell their daddy was a drunk and their mama a cheap whore
because they watched too much TV in the daytime and stayed out too
late at night.
8. DON'T forget the First Thanksgiving. Our Pilgrim Fathers were
fleeing
religious persecution in England, which was done by the ancestors of
that Godless Queen over there who sits on her golden throne in
Buckingham Palace right now spending the whole day counting her jewels
while her people can't find decent jobs. Her forbears actually
beheaded True Christians, and
she considers herself the head of a church. Make sure all your
Episcopalian friends know this. Remember also that the Pilgrims were
very naive and that if it weren't for the Indians they would have
perished. The Indians shared their bounty with the settlers and
taught them how to farm the rocky New England soil. What did the
white man do in return? He gave the Indians plagues and then got
their grieving descendants hooked on fire water. God scourged the
white man with syphilis for that, and it quickly spread through
Europe. You must remember also how the Black slaves in this country
built the roads you
drive on and the houses you live in. What do you do to them? Give
them guns and put them in prisons. I think you should take good food
to a Black Brother or Sister doing time in jail on trumped-up charges
or standing in the place of a
rich white kingpin who got off scotfree. Remember all these things
and
resolve to build a better world tomorrow, a world in which economic
reparations will be made to all our disadvantaged African American
Brothers and Sisters.
9. DON'T watch football on TV on Thanksgiving Day, and don't make bets
on your favorite teams. This is a time to bond with your family, not
whoop and holler at a bunch of guys knocking themselves out on some
dirty gridiron. I suggest putting the TV set away the whole day
myself. Nothing on it is worth watching any more anyway, and even if
you tune in to something decent, it's likely to be interrupted by a
commercial touting sex or violence or both. Going to the movies on
Thanksgiving Day is equally taboo. Harry Potter and Pierce Brosnan
are both just wicked uncircumcised heathens.
10. DO help out the cook as much as possible. If you can't boil water
to save your life, you surely can help with the dishes afterward and
can
straighten up the house for your hosts after dinner. If you bring a
dish, be sure to take it with you when you leave. If you can cook,
bring
recipes to exchange.
11. DON'T overstuff yourself. Remember that there are starving people
in
the world who would be grateful to munch on the table scraps you feed
to
your pampered pooch. If you're a pauper or a cheapskate you might
want
to eat chicken this year instead of turkey, especially since this
country's many rich, fat, old, ugly white power, money, fame, and
glory hogs are keeping us deep in a recession and in bondage to the
Godless sheikhs of Araby. God appreciates frugality as long as you
use the money you save wisely. Be sure none of it falls into the
hands of any of those so-called Arab "charities" that do nothing but
stir up trouble in Mother Israel. You'd think the Arabs over there
had enough room in their oil-rich kingdoms that they wouldn't want the
land that God promised His Chosen People.
12. DON'T forget your pastor on Thanksgiving Day. Invite him or her
to
your feast, but don't be offended if he decides to eat dinner with the
family down the block who contributed more to the Church than you did.
There's always next year.
13. DON'T go Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. The mad
shopping rush is part of the Satanic commercialization of Christmas
that True Christians must resist. More about Christmas later.
14. DO make sure that your children sit up straight at the table, say
"please" and "thank you" wherever appropriate, mind their table
manners, and don't eat too much pumpkin pie or ice cream, especially
if you've allowed them to get fat. If it isn't too cold where you
live they can take a walk to the park after lunch and work off some of
those calories. When I see tubby tots I get mad. Their parents are
using food as a pacifying tool, and that's sinful. Even worse are
those porkers who insist on wearing tank tops or even less and showing
the whole world their disgusting rolls of flab. I fought the battle
of the Bulge myself for ten years and know how hard it is to keep the
pounds off, but when I was portly I didn't draw undue attention to my
queen-sized behind by exposing it to any old lust-filled libertines in
public. Make sure the kids play decent games with one another -- no
strip poker or hide the weenie, for instance -- and that they don't
ostracize any of their playmates (unless of course they're still
uncircumcised -- no child wants the stench of smegma around him). If
your son happens to have begotten a child by a whore he hasn't
married, put the whore out but let the child in. God is especially
merciful to bastard children. Their predicament is not their fault,
but what their parents have done to them cannot be excused. If you
discover to your horror that they're still uncircumcised, have that
problem taken care of before the self-absorbed parents even find out.
I personally adopt children just to circumcise them, then send them
back to the adoption agency. More parents want a circumcised child
than a smegma-plagued heathen one. If you find you have to discipline
your children, go into a private room and do it. it's all right if
the other children hear the sound of the paddle striking the tough
backsides of rebellious little brats. Don't let them return to the
table until the sniveling has stopped, however. If several of the
children get into mischief, you may discipline them more openly, say
by tying them all to a tree, so as to set the right example for
everyone else. Don't be afraid to be a strict parent and use a sturdy
padddle. Order one from my very own Child Corrective Services.
Children cry out for strong discipline, and that means corporal
punishment. The children of those ultra-permissive, "anything goes"
smegma-tolerant, parents typically grow up to be criminals.
15. DON'T allow the partners in sin of any homosexual relatives to
join
you at dinner. They should stay completely out of the yard. Remind
your children that the gross evils of sodomy and gomorramy are
abominations unto the
Lord, and that that's why you couldn't invite Uncle John and his
"special friend" Jim to your holiday feast. Those people often prey
on children anyway to meet their stringent recruitment quotas.
They're all over nudist colonies like horseflies on a dungheap,
grabbing any and everybody they can sink their talons into.
16. DON'T allow any of your guests to curse, smoke, or drink liquor on
your property. They also shouldn't urinate in the yard the way some
boorish naked bums do. You should have no intoxicating beverages
anywhere in the house to prompt them. Anyone who infringes on your
rules must be warned once and
thrown out if they cross the line again or even balk at you.
17. DON'T allow anyone who arrives drunk or on dope to enter your
home. I don't allow anyone who is sloppily dressed to attend my
Thanksgiving
dinners either. I just despise the slovenly "no bra" look the young
girls are sporting today. And don't even get me started on those
deplorable thongs! People who can't take the solemnity of the
occasion seriously are better off staying home.
18. Finally, DO enjoy yourselves at the feast. It only comes once a
year, and you're doing God's Will by making the most of it.
Remember, Jesus Loves ALL of You,
Wicked, Gluttonous, Flesh-Loving Sinners That You Are!
-|-
|
Happy Thanksgiving from Mother Hickey!!
aepuvi...@zl-qrwn.pbz
(penic...@bigmailbox.net)wrote:
[snip]
back under the bridge for you.
---
Gandalf to Pippin "You fookin' tool, er ..
. You fool of a Took"
Josema
<penic...@bigmailbox.net> escribió en el mensaje
news:5ab1ecc8.02112...@posting.google.com...
> Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Here are a few helpful
> hints guaranteed to make this Thanksgiving an occasion you'll cherish
> in your memory for years to come. (Please note: All you Canadians and
> other
> miscellaneous foreign elements out there may ignore the following
> article. I
> know that you have different customs and holidays. That's fine with
> me. A
> lot of you still pay a huge chunk of your taxes to support that Evil
> (not to mention murderous) Queen and her rotten family of "royal"
> snoots and snobs over in England, who are involved in yet another
> scandal again, this time involving the horrors of sodomy and rape.
> See what those filthy, smegma-packed foreskins do for you? I'll deal
> with your special problems later. This message is for real Americans
> and all LEGAL visitors and immigrants to the Best Country in
> the World, God's Country, the United States of America! Hallelujah!!!)
> And in my opinion you're not "legal" unless you speak our language
> and obey our traffic laws.
>
Plonking another idiot...
Cheers,
Josema
Joe
news:5ab1ecc8.02112...@posting.google.com:
I think the world would be much better if some of those
people thinking they were god in person would leave us
in peace. It were people like you that killed Jesus.
Amen.
Josema
"Joe" <J...@wood.com> escribió en el mensaje
news:Xns92D547A7D1...@63.209.170.215...
> penic...@bigmailbox.net (penic...@bigmailbox.net) wrote in
> news:5ab1ecc8.02112...@posting.google.com:
> >
> > |
> >
> > Happy Thanksgiving from Mother Hickey!!
> >
> I think the world would be much better if some of those
> people thinking they were god in person would leave us
> in peace. It were people like you that killed Jesus.
> Amen.
I think the World would be much better if some of those warmongers and
arrogants thinking they act "in the name og God" and with "God's support and
help" (and I am not talking only about muslims...) would leave us in peace.
It were people like you that promoted war, starvation and hate...and now
want to be loved while still opressing the World.
Cheers,
Josema
PandaKunda
> news:5ab1ecc8.02112...@posting.google.com:
>
> > Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Here are a few helpful
> > hints guaranteed to make this Thanksgiving an occasion you'll cherish
> > in your memory for years to come. (Please note: All you Canadians and
> > other
> > miscellaneous foreign elements out there may ignore the following
> > article
What kind of car would Jesus drive to McDonalds for "thanks" giving
lunch, Dick?
--
Jim Redmond
Bryce
> > penic...@bigmailbox.net (penic...@bigmailbox.net) wrote in
> > news:5ab1ecc8.02112...@posting.google.com:
> >
>
> What kind of car would Jesus drive to McDonalds for "thanks" giving
> lunch, Dick?
According to my limited knowledge of the Bible, I believe Jesus would
drive a Honda. It says in the book of Acts that "Jesus and his
disiples were all in one Accord." ;)
Bryce
PandaKunda
> According to my limited knowledge of the Bible, I believe Jesus would
> drive a Honda. It says in the book of Acts that "Jesus and his
> disiples were all in one Accord." ;)
>
> Bryce
Boom boom.
The old ones are the best, etc.
--
Jim Redmond
Josema
"PandaKunda" <Pa...@PandaKunda.com> escribió en el mensaje
news:MPG.1851ee6c1...@news.iol.ie...
LOL!!!...
So, are you agreeding Japanese motorbikes are better than American
motorbikes?...;)
Cheers,
Josema
> --
> Jim Redmond
Dario Western
Dario Western
(Brisbane, Australia)
"PandaKunda" <Pa...@PandaKunda.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1851658e8...@news.iol.ie...
Griffo Boffin
to the British thronce since Henry the 8th.
Concentrate on bombing inocent arabs that have more oil then you or just
acidently bombing your allies.
Hugh Young
said:
>typical no brain yankey, Prince of wales is Circumcised as have been all airs
>to the British thronce since Henry the 8th.
That must have been a painful surprise for Queen Elizabeth.
Pegusus1959
>From: hu...@buGARzz.neBAGEt.nz (Hugh Young)
>Date: 12/9/2002 2:44 AM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id: <3df449c8...@news.buzz.net.nz>
>>typical no brain yankey, Prince of wales is Circumcised as have been all
>airs
>>to the British thronce since Henry the 8th.
>That must have been a painful surprise for Queen Elizabeth.
Hugh I guess you never figured out the difference between prince and princess?