Jihad FAQ, Pt 3
cybr...@iac.net
Section III: Jihad Resources on the Internet
Historian & FAQ Keeper: CyberPyro (cybr...@iac.net)
- What kind of Jihad resources are there for me on the net?
- The World Wide Web
- UseNet
- Internet Relay Chat
- This FAQ
- Amee Yermish Essay
- The Codicil of Names
- Grimoire of Anti-Hell Wyrm War Chants
- Treatise on the Color Purple: B'harnii v. Grimace
?What kind of resources are there for me on the 'net?
The Jihad to Destroy Barney the Purple Dinosaur[tm] has many
resources on the World Wide Web, Internet Relay Chat, and UseNet (NetNews).
?So what do you guys have on the World Wide Web?
Well, we have a complete JihadWeb[tm] all to ourselves as well as
many other pages. Below are some of the resources you can use to explore
JihadWeb[tm]. Almost all of our pages are interlinked, so getting on one
will let you get to most of the other ones as well.
Addresses: What it is:
http://www.armory.com/~deadslug/jihad/jihad.html JihadWeb[tm] Page
http://gladstone.uoregon.edu/~jry/jihad/FAQ.html Jihad FAQ on the WWW
http://ugweb.cs.ualberta.ca/~gerald/barney The B'harnii Fun Page
http://www.ksu.edu/~tilden/tres.html TRES Corps Home Page
http://www.public.iastate.edu/~midnite/barni.html P.P.P.P. Page
http://www.iac.net/~cybrpyro My page, lotsa links
http://www.freenet.ufl.edu/~afn24903 Legion of DOOM Page
http://ccwf.cc.utexas.edu/~sscott/wedjee.html W.E.D.J.E.E. Page
http://home.ptd.net/~tabrock/bldjihad/bloodfaq.html Blood Jihad Page
http://www.uleth.ca/~hanlton/epsilon/epsilon.html Epsilon Labs Page
http://www.cris.com/~hyperion/bjsf/bjsf.html TCN-ABD Page
http://asylum.cid.com/barney/ B'harnii Home Page
Historian's Note: These are the addresses I have for Jihaddi pages.
If you want yours in here, mail me (cybr...@iac.net) with your URL
and I'll include it in the next version of the FAQ.
?What Jihad Stuff[tm] is there on UseNet (NetNews)?
Well, below is a list of newsgroups that you may find Jihaddi posting
in, but the easier way to find us is to read alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die.
This newsgroup (a.b.4d) is the main posting place of Jihaddi, but we are also
scattered about some other NGs as well. Below is a list of NGs that we post
on.
alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die
alt.christnet.dinosaur
alt.christnet.dinosaur.barney
alt.drinks.jolt
alt.exploding.barney
alt.satannet.barney
alt.sex.bestiality.barney
alt.tv.barney
alt.tv.barney.die.die.die
alt.tv.dinosaur.barney.die.die.die
?What about IRC?
Look for us on #barney of the Undernet.org IRC network. The channel
is usually inhabited by Jihaddi, but if no one is there, someone will
probably show up shortly. Below is a brief list of the servers in the United
States for the Undernet network:
austin.tx.us.undernet.org
chicago.il.us.undernet.org
ucdavis.ca.us.undernet.org
lowell.ma.us.undernet.org
manhattan.ks.us.undernet.org
norman.ks.us.undernet.org
phoenix.az.us.undernet.org
pittsburgh.pa.us.undernet.org
rochester.mi.us.undernet.org
sanjose.ca.us.undernet.org
washington.dc.us.undernet.org
?What's this 'Yermish Essay' that I hear so much about?
This is an essay written by a mother* on the differences between
Sesame Street and Barney and Friends from her own, independent view. It is
often cited by Jihaddi because of its clarity of thought and ease of reading.
Below is the original text of the Yermish Essay sent to me by Admiral
J. FoxGlov of TRES Corps:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
----- begin included article
>mpf...@acad.drake.edu (PS-H&B #1/Ferreter) writes:
>>Barney as an entity seems like a nice wholesome role model for youngsters,
>>if the dinosaur isn't doing any harm, why not just let the rugrats watch
>>the stupid show and play with the stupid dolls??
I knew something was odd when I heard two little children behind me in
the supermarket singing the "I love you" song, together, in unison, in
this dreamy little tempo, no life, without being prompted by an adult.
I also knew something was wrong when one of my friends, who has two
Barney-aged children (3 and 5 -- Hi, Lin!) started complaining about
the show. Gee, I always liked children's television, and I'd never
seen those kind of reactions. That's strange. But hey, I didn't want
to pass judgement on something I had never seen.
Well, I've got the flu, and there are two public TV stations near me,
which means I have been able to watch two episodes of Barney a day. I
watched Sesame Street also, for comparison, and also to help get the
bad taste out of my mouth. Mister Rogers didn't seem to be on (which
is a real pity), so comments on that are based on somewhat more
distant memory (but I have watched it plenty of times since I was
six).
I'm not a psychologist, but I'm also not stupid. Barney is *not*
innocent, wholesome, good-for-rug-rats fun. It models "good"
behavior, but only if you define "good" in a certain way. The main
subtext of the show appears to be that all negative emotions should
simply be denied so that we can all be happy, and that we should all
conform to the group and accept the leadership of other people instead
of using our own ideas. If I had children, I would forbid them to
watch it, just like I would forbid them to watch pornography. The
values it teaches are *not* the ones I would want my children to
learn.
The children in Barney never admit to a single bit of jealousy,
rivalry, anger, tension, fear, or any other bad feeling. Well, that's
not true, precisely. On *extremely* rare occasions, they do say
things like, "I want to go next," "No, I want to go next," "Let's go
together!" All with a stupid grin on their faces that shows that
there was never any real argument. The situations can *always* be
solved immediately, care-bear style, so there is never any real
tension.
The problem is that even stupid childless people like me know that
children's real lives, even at age three (*especially* at age three!)
aren't like that. Learning to share and take turns and such is not so
easy, and there are usually plenty of tantrums and fights on the
outside, and plenty of upset feelings on the inside. For instance,
one of the Sesame Street episodes I watched recently had a situation
where Cookie Monster was playing with a friend, and they went to get a
snack, and there was only one cookie left. Of course, Cookie Monster
wanted to eat it, but then he saw that he would hurt his friend's
feelings. So he went through a song (which, by the way, is much more
musically interesting and educational than the ones on Barney) where
he weighed all the fun he had with his friend against the momentary
pleasure of a cookie, and decided that he would rather give the cookie
to his friend. On Barney, even if the situation came up (which it
clearly wouldn't, because there are *always* enough treats to go
around), they would have just smiled and immediately broken the cookie
in half. Well, from Cookie Monster, they learn that those feelings of
selfishness are perfectly normal (why do you think so many of the
muppets are "monsters"? Children are very afraid of their "bad"
emotions), that even if there isn't a simple solution, that by
weighing the various sides of an issues, they can decide what is truly
important to them. From Barney, they learn that good children don't
have bad feelings and that all problems have easy solutions which
don't involve giving up anything important. Mister Rogers doesn't
show kids interacting with each other that much, but his make-believe
and his songs send the message that you are a good person even when
you have bad emotions, and that intelligence can be applied to
difficult problems to find good solutions. Barney says that you are
only a good person when you have good emotions, and that problems
don't exist -- a very bad message to send.
Another disturbing facet to the show is the leadership role Barney
takes. The children ask him what they should do to have fun, and he
tells them. They ask him what they should do when they're not sure
what to do, and he tells them. They paint the pictures, and instead
of asking them to use their picture to add to the growing story, he
takes over and tells them what their pictures mean, decides on the
title and cover and doesn't even put their names on it. They can't
have fun until he's there, and they can't have fun until he tells them
how to do it. They don't make believe without his telling them what
to imagine. Their own ideas are subjugated to those of the leader,
who doesn't even ask for input. This is not a good model of creative
play, nor is it a good model of teamwork or of leadership. In Sesame
Street, by contrast, the adults are viewed as resources, but the
children drive the action. Every episode has a running plot where a
few monsters have a problem to solve (Zoe's aunt tickles her, the fish
called Wanda doesn't want Wolfgang the seal to eat her, Big Bird and
Rosita want to learn enough about babies to play family with Elmo,
etc), and they come up with and try a variety of solutions to each
problem, with varying degrees of success (Zoe tries wearing a tiger
suit to scare her aunt, but the aunt isn't scared. She thinks about
staying away from her aunt, but realizes that she would have to give
up spending time with her, which she very much enjoys. She carries a
pineapple around so that the spiny leaves protect her chin, which
works, but she gets tired after carrying it all day). The adults
don't muscle in to the action, but offer advice or other help (at one
point, Gina is practically wrestling with Wolfgang to give Wanda and
Big Bird time to implement the successful idea they came up with on
their own) if asked. The adult's ideas are generally good, but they
don't force them on the monsters. Instead, the monsters model good
information-gathering and decision-making skills.
Another thing which is disturbing about Barney is the choreography.
These kids always do everything in unison. They dance to exactly the
same steps, and do not a half bad job at it. They mimic what they are
shown exactly. In the episode on individuality, they did a song and
dance about how boring it would be if they were all identical robots,
and the sick thing was that it was basically the same as when they
were kids. In Sesame Street, kids get the same body awareness
practice through dance, but the instructions are much vaguer and the
kids are each doing their own thing. The subtext in Barney is that
it's good to do everything identically with everyone else; the subtext
in Sesame Street is that you can have fun with other people while each
doing things differently, that in the world of fun, there are very few
"wrong" answers.
In the Barney episode about individuality, each child named something
that they liked doing, on the grounds that liking something different
from other people was why you were special. But then, Barney made
them all do those things together. That's counterproductive -- it
shows children that something gains its definition of good if everyone
else likes doing it too, not if *you* like doing it. On Sesame
Street, Ernie and Bert demonstrate very well how you can like other
people without having to like all the same things (one of the shows I
watched had an episode where they treated exactly that issue, we like
different things and we love each other).
In line with the idea that the children are taught to deny their basic
differences, somehow all these kids on Barney, whose ages I estimate
at 8 - 16 (or maybe older, Lucy is pretty big), not to mention the
grownups who show up on some episodes, pretend that they are all the
same ages as the kids watching the show (2 - 5?). All people,
regardless of age, react to Barney and the proposed activities in the
same way -- that is, at the developmental level of a toddler. But the
viewing kids aren't stupid. They know those kids are older than they
are. And the real older kids (and grownups) they deal with don't
react to things at toddler level. Real adults may get annoyed at
noisy or messy play or constant singing of the same song. A toddler
seeing the modeled behavior of older kids and adults on Barney would
be very disturbed to find that his parents and siblings don't act like
Barney says they're supposed to. Are my parents bad parents because
they don't play the way Barney says they do? Am I a bad person
because my parents get angry at me sometimes? On Sesame Street, by
contrast, the characters react realistically to each other, while
still maintaining the safety net that just because you do something
that annoys someone doesn't mean that you or they are bad people.
Tully and Rosita wander around one episode playing with a pair of
cymbals, and Luis (a grownup human) makes no secret of the fact that
he finds it too loud and wishes they would make all that noise
somewhere else.
There were lots of other things I found disturbing on Barney, but
these are the major points so far. Remember, nothing is a no-op when
a kid is watching -- they learn from everything they see. And I'd
rather not have any kids I've got responsibility for learn from that
show. It's false in a very dangerous way.
Okay, so I do have a soft spot for Sesame Street, I was born in 1968
and grew up with it. But I really did my best to try to give Barney a
chance, to view it in the most positive light I could, and I couldn't
find anything worth keeping.
--Aimee
* In the essay, she states 'If I were a mother...' but as I've heard she now
has children IRL.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
?What is this 'Codicil of Names'?
The Codicil of Names is a book kept by the Historian of the Jihad
which lists the most common names used to describe b'harnii. It is re-printed
below:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[The Codicil of Names]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Barf-ney
Bloated Purple Twat Cheese
Bloated Sack of Purple Protoplasm
Dark and Purple One
Deadeyes
Doppleganger of Satan
Enemy of Thinking Human Beings
Fat Purple Thing
Foul Foam F*cker
Great Satan of Backstage Fondling
He Who Dances Badly
He Who Is Too Disgusting to Behold
He Who Pirates Nursery Rhymes
He Who Sings Poorly
"Hell Incarnate" (Quotes must be used. The Truth CAN NOT be pirated!)
Indigo Infant Ingester
It Of The One Tooth
It of the Single White Tooth
Lavender Lard Lord
Lord of the Sponge Minions
Magenta Miscarriage
Magenta Moron
Maroon Menace
Mauve Molester
Mauve Pederast
Mesozoic Molester
Molestasaurus Rex
Mutant Eggplant
Pedarastosaurus
Puke Inducer
Purple Horror
Purple Mutant Demon Prince
Purple Pedastosaur
Purple Pedophiliasaurus
Purple Peril
Purple Perversion
Purple Pestilence
Purple Plush Monster of PBS
Purple Prince of Pedophiles
Purple Satan
Unspeakable One
Vile (Foul Evil Horrid etc) One
Violet Vermin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
?What is this 'Grimoire of Anti-Hell Wyrm War Chants'?
Simply put, the 'Grimoire of Anti-Hell Wyrm Chants' is a collected
book by the Historian of the Jihad of all the various parodies of the
b'harnii theme song. Note: The majority of the entries for this came from
Jason W's (JW1...@academia.swt.edu) "The Great Purple Book of Barney."
Below is the full Grimoire...I hope to add more to it if Jihaddi
become interested in making more parodies of the the War Chant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Grimoire of Anti-Hell Wyrm Chants~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hymns to the AntiBarney
----------------------
I hate you, you hate me,
Let's hang Barney from a tree.
With a knife in his back
and an arrow through his head
now that purple dork is dead.
- TheT...@AOL.com
I hate you, you hate me.
Let's tie Barney to a tree.
Shoot a gun into his head...
Oopsie, doopsie
Barney's dead!
- Ele...@AOL.com (age 6)
[Ed. Note: NetDoc couldn't decide if this was funny of sick, I can't
either.]
I love you, you love me,
let's hang barney from a tree.
He'll hang all night,
then we'll beat him with a stick.
Afterwards we'll cut off his.....tail.
- Vil...@AOL.com
I hate you, you hate me.
Let's hang Barney from a tree.
With a rope around his neck,
and a bullet in his head,
aren't you glad that Barney's dead?
- Chris...@AOL.com
The Dark Side of The Barn
-----------------------
I love you. You love me.
Buy my toys and watch TV.
Write a great big check,
fill it out from you to me.
Drive your folks to bankruptcy.
You love me. Like I care.
Just send cash from anywhere.
We're a big dynasty
And we're raking in the dough.
Public TV gets zippo.
You love me. You're just two.
You'll do what I say to do.
We can harness this
And take over far and wide,
once all tykes are Barnified.
2010. No one fights
when the Barn wipes out The Right.
BarNazis wipe out
All who's left to warn.
"One for all and all for Barn."
- Author Unknown
I hate you, you hate me,
we're a dysfunctional family.
With a kick to the groin
and a punch to the head,
I wish that Barney was dead.
- Angel...@aol.com
I hate him, he hates me.
Let's hang Barney from a tree.
With a kick and a punch
and a bullet to his head,
now that purple freak is dead.
- Lee...@aol.com
I hate you, you hate me,
Let's be friends and kill Barney
with a sawed-off shotgun,
Barney's on the floor.
No more purple dinosaur.
- sav...@aol.com
I hate you, you hate me,
let's team up and kill Barney.
With a semiautomatic
we'll shoot him in the head.
No more torture, Barney's dead.
- SarahMy, via AOL
Barney's dead, Baby Bop's next,
let's team up and wring her neck.
With a rope and a knife
and a sack to put 'er in,
they're both dead, I guess I win!
-from Sar...@aol.com
I hate you, you hate me.
I chased Barney up a tree,
with a nine millimeter
and shot him in the head.
I'm so glad that Barney's dead.
- Snak...@aol.com
I like you, you like me.
Let's throw Barney in the sea.
With a great big shark,
now the sea is turning red.
Thank you God that Barney's dead!
- Steve...@aol.com
I kill sponge, and B@rn&y,
We're a kick-ass family,
With some blood over here and a limb over there,
He'd rather be on the electric chair.
- IronMan (aka Ozzy the Feral)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
?What is this 'Treatise' I've heard about?
Here ya go..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A TREATISE ON THE COLOR PURPLE: B'HARNI VS. GRIMACE
Author: Fleet Commander Aurelius Invid Manticore Samhain, Doberman Empire
[Written as Centurion Manticore, August 1994]
As most of us are well aware, purple has long been a symbol or
royalty, wealth, and power. Since long before even biblical times,
purple dyes were among the most treasured in the world. Kings and Lords
wore purple as a symbol of their stature. This trend continues even to
the present time in the battle of two religious figures: our Lord
Grimace and the unholy B'harni.
Let us take a look at our Lord Grimace, his aims, objectives, and
ideals and how they relate to his specific shade of purple, and then
contrast them with those of B'harni.
Grimace wears a deep, dark, truly royal shade of purple. It is
a color available naturally from various sources. In fact, the royal
hue that Grimace so proudly wears closely resembles those colors that
would have been available to the ancient rulers to which we are
comparing him.
Now let us examine B'harni. B'harni wears an unearthly shade of
purple never available before modern times. It is artificial; phony.
So is the green he wears on his belly--another unearthly color so
clearly artificial that it blinds the naked eye.
Grimace is good and kind, and shares his wealth of shakes with
the people of the land that are true to him. This is like the good
Kings and Lords of ancient times; they collect from the people that are
true to them and return to them blessings in the form of protection and
government.
B'harni, on the other hand, seeks followers for his own gain.
What does he return to those who follow him? He returns a false sense
of happiness and security. He returns no real defense, no real reason
for joy; he returns feelings as artificial as the colors he wears.
Let us look now at their colors from a psychological standpoint.
Find a picture of Grimace and stare into it for a long time.. a period
of a few minutes should do. Now look at a bare wall. Do you see any
negative after images? No, his color is not bright enough to leave such
an effect. There is no cumulative psychological effect from looking at
Lord Grimace.
Follow the same procedure with a picture of B'harne.
(Supervision by despongification personnel is recommended, as well as
destruction of the poster after conclusion of the experiment.) Upon
looking at the bare wall, you will see negative after images of his
grotesque shape. The longer you look at him, the more obvious the
images will be. There is an obvious, cumulative effect on the psyche
from looking at him. This could, in fact, be one of the causes of
spongification and the cumulative influence of B'harne. The more you
see him, the more you see him. The more you see him, the more blind you
become to the outside world. The more blind you are to the outside
world, the less your mind functions and the harder it is to look away
from your view.
In the histories of most all religions, there is a time at
which their "God" provided nourishment for those who trusted and obeyed
its commands. In the Bible, for example, God provided Manna from heaven
to feed the Israelites while they wandered before entering the promised
land. Grimace, too, provides a sweet nourishment for his followers.
This nourishment comes in the form of his shakes. This gift to his
followers is but one example of how royal and regal he is; he is truly
worthy of wearing the color purple.
And what does B'harni provide HIS followers? He presents a
candy-coated view of the world as phony and unnatural as the colors he
wears. He provides merchandise and objects to bring glory and wealth to
himself. Were there rulers in the past that were unnatural and were
something other than they made themselves out to be? Of course. The
biggest example is the Evil One himself-the one referred to as Beelzebub
and so many other names-the one whom in religious scriptures has caused
problems from the very beginning. He dresses himself in various guises,
each one very similar to the One True Lord so as to distract and confuse
those who would seek the light and truth and fool them into following
him.
What happens to those who followed these "false gods" and
wrongful leaders in the past? They ended up losing the eternal life and
the great rewards available to them. They lost their souls.
What happens to those who follow B'harni? We know not what lies
for them beyond death. We DO know, however, that what remains for them
in life is worse than death itself.
As can be seen from this analysis, each of the figures
represents his/its own goals and ideals. They each have their own shade
of meaning, and their own shade of purple. B'harne's color is a phony,
unnatural kind of color. Grimace, on the other hand, is a hue that is
wonderfully natural and true. This difference in colors reflects the
fundamental differences in their beliefs and goals, a difference that
B'harne wishes to be obscured so as to accumulate more followers and
more power.
In conclusion, I ask you to look again upon the colors of the
two leaders in the great Jihad. Will you follow the Lord of Unnatural
Color, or the one true wearer of the hallowed hue?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
END OF SECTION III