Cesium FAQ
David White
Frequently Asked Questions about Cesium and alt.cesium
(Shamelessly stolen from one of Randall Nelson's web pages with updates
by Cipher)
Q1. What is the purpose of the newsgroup alt.cesium?
A1. This newsgroup is intended expressly for the discussion, praise,
veneration, and adoration, the posting of songs, poetry, stories, and
parables of and about that most sublime of elements, the almighty Cesium.
Crossposting is aggressively discouraged; persistent miscreants are
netnapped and treated to the traditional Cesium Enema.
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UPDATE : Nuking France into the stone age has become priority NUMBER ONE!
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Update : The current dezines of alt.cesium enjoy lively discussions on
other Cesium related topics. These include, but are not limited to :
Spam, Toast, Marmite, Tea and of course, Nuking France!!
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Q2. What is Cesium?
A2. Cesium is the most sublime and electropositive of all true elements.
It was discovered spectroscopically, in mineral water from Durkheim
Germany by Robert Bunsen (of burner fame) and Gustaff Kirchhoff in 1860.
The basis of the discovery was two, beautiful sky-blue lines from which
it takes its name (Latin, caesius, sky-blue). Atomic number 55, Cesium is
the heaviest of the natural alkali metals. Physically, it is a soft metal
or light liquid, pale gold in color when pure, silvery-white otherwise.
It melts at 28.4 C, just below body heat, and boils at 669.3 C. It has a
specific gravity of 1.873, and an atomic weight of 132.9045.
Cesium occurs naturally in the minerals lepidolite and pollucite, the
latter a hydrated aluminum cesium silicate. The richest known deposit
occurs at Bernic Lake Manitoba where pollucite deposits averaging over
20% Cesium are estimated to exceed 300,000 metric tons. (Bernic Lake is
also the site of the annual Cesium festival on February 24 where tons of
Cesium are burned in the snow, and other Cesium madness prevails.) Cesium
can be isolated by electrolysis of the fused cyanide, by vacuum
distillation upon reduction of the chloride by calcium metal, and by
other methods. High purity cesium salts are available for about
$100/pound. According to the CRC 1987-88 handbook of Chemistry and
Physics, the metal costs approximately $25/gram; however some devotees
have reported costs as low as $3/gm for technical grade (99%) metal.
Cesium is an alkali metal, in the same group as lithium, sodium,
potassium, and rubidium, and is similarly reactive, but to a much higher
degree due to its extreme electropositivity. It reacts explosively with
water, and with ice down to -116 C. In air, it catches fire spontaneously
and burns with a brilliant sky-blue flame. (To the uninitiated, the flame
appears purplish rather than blue; however, after sufficient meditation,
study of the holy writs, and blissful hours spent in reverence before
Cesium burning in her naked glory, the true blue nature of her flame is
revealed.) Its hydroxide is the most powerful aqueous base known, and will
eat through glass, flesh, bone, and numerous other substances. Its
International Chillout (IC) competition, though lately it has been
embarassed by rubidium. The greatest use of Cesium tonnage-wise is in the
annual Cesium orgies sponsored by AMSWWBUW.
Q3. What about Fr***ium?
A3. We do not mention the name in alt.cesium, that false element being an
upstart and pretender, vile, depraved, unnatural, and having no staying
power. The longest lived isotope, Fr233 has a half life of only 22
minutes. Try to base a global time standard on that!!!
Q4. What is AMSWWBUW?
A4. AMSWWBUW stands for the Association of Mad Scientists Who Want to Blow
Up the World. It is a highly secretive organization. Its activities involve
large numbers of monkeys and vast quantities of Cesium. Given the
indisputable fact that all persons in direct contact with the organization
have mysteriously vanished from the net, the fewer questions asked, the
better. Most of our information about this shadowy group derives from one
Brendan Dunn, who was instrumental in the formation of alt.cesium. He, alas,
is among the vanished.
Q5. Are there any songs about Cesium?
A5. Many. See ftp/pub/u/nelson/cesium_songs_col at cs.rochester.edu for
an ftp archive. See also Songs of Cesium.
Q6. Where can I get some Cesium?
A6. You probably can't, unless you are a "bona fide institution". If you
are, any number of chemical suppliers will happily sell you as much as you
can afford. For example, ICN (biologicals) lists 99.9% pure Cesium metal at
$161.10 per gram. A bit steep even as Cesium goes (if you're willing to buy
in bulk, you ought to be able to get it for closer to $25 or even $3 a
gram). They'll also sell you ultra pure (99.999%) Cesium Chloride for
$371.95/kg. Call 1-800-334-6999 toll free they say.
Q7. Can I eat Cesium?
A7. Yes
Q8. What will happen if I do?
A8. Read the section on the reactions of Cesium with water, and of Cesium
Hydroxide with biological materials. You should also know that Cesium has
been shown to have pronounced physiological action in experiments with
animals, when administered in large quantities. Hyperirritability, including
marked spasms has been shown to follow the administration of Cesium in
amounts equal to the potassium content of the diet. Total replacement of
dietary potassium with cesium in rats caused death in 10-17 days. Could
explain the AMSWWBUW mystery, though no reference seem to exist for monkeys.
Q9. Are there any jokes about Cesium?
A9. There is exactly one joke about Cesium. It goes like this. So these two
Cesium atoms are walking down the street. Says the first Cesium atom, "oh my
god! I think I'm missing an electron". Says the second, "are you sure?" Says
the first, "I'm positive". HAHAHAHAHAHA :]
Q10. Are there any neat Cesium compounds?
A10. Lots. Many of them explode with the slightest provocation or when
thrown into water. For example.
Cesium Chloroxenate
Formula: CsClO3Xe
MW: 347.66
Properties: Explodes
Uses: Chemical curiosity, possible rodenticide
Toxicity: Unknown
Comments: One of the few known compounds involving a noble gas, a halogen,
and an alaklai metal. Explodes if you look at it cross-eyed.
Cesium Tetraperchloratoiodate
Formula: CsI(ClO4)4
MW: 657.62
Properties: Explodes under laser irradiation (and anything else)
Uses: Curiosity, revenge against people with laser pointers.
Comments: Illustrates the +3 oxidation state of iodine, stabilized by the
size of the perchlorate ion. A related compound, Iodine(III) perchlorate
I(ClO4)3 also explodes under laser irradiation.
Cesium Azide
Formula: CsN3
Physical appearance: Color needles; Deliquesces.
Molecular Weight: 174.93
Melting point: 310 (Yes you can melt it)
Boiling point: Decomposes with evolution of nitrogen
Solubility in cold water 224 gm/100cc
Properties: Poisonous to rats. LD50 about 30 mg/kg Decomposes on heating,
eventually producing metallic cesium and nitrogen. More stable than sodium
and potassium azide.
Heptacesium oxide
Formula: Cs7O.
Molecular weight: 946.3
Melting point: 4.3 C (decomposes)
Description: Consists of Bronze, hexagonal crystals. Analysis shows
presence of Cs11O3 subgroup, hence formula should be written
[Cs11O3]Cs10. Decomposes violently in water to hydroxide, On slow heating
to Cs3O and cesium-rich liquid.
Uses: Photocathodes, Image converters, Rat poison
Comments: One of a series of suboxides of Cesium. Produced by slow cooling
of appropriate stochiometric mixture of metallic Cesium and Oxygen. Possible
due to extreme solubility of oxygen in liquid cesium.
Cesium ozonate (Cesium trioxide)
Formula: CsO3.
Molecular Weight: 180.9
Description: Unstable, bright red compound. Strong oxidizer. Decomposes with
release of Oxygen. Reacts vigorously with water. Highest known oxide of
Cesium, at the opposite end of the spectrum from Cs7O. Prepared by reacting
Cesium or its lower oxides with ozone.
Uses: Curiosity, Exploding red ink.
Etc. etc. etc.
Q11. What are some popular Cesium products?
A11.
Cesium Crispies (snap, crackle, Kaboom!!!)
Cesium Shake (Two scoops of vanilla ice cream, 1/4 cup Cesium, blend)
Cesium Condoms (for a bang-up good time)
Cesium Cooler (eutectic mix of Cesium, potassium and sodium, 14.5% Cs,
57.5% K, 28% Na, melting point -78 degrees Celsius - the lowest melting
metallic composition known. Bottoms up!!!
Q12. What should I do if I meet Cesium in dark alley?
A12. Run!!!!!!!!!
Cipher
--
Cipher/Proud Member, Netscum Alumni Association
Colonel/1st Virginia Volunteers/CEsium Brigade
President Petitmorte Industries
Bungmunch U./AHM Memorial Institute of F@x0r1n6/Dean
SPNAK: http://www.hell-flame-wars.org
Empire of APDD #6-5p07 VLNOC Cohort #1407
Keeper of the alt.cesium FAQ