BB: Coming of age ideas
Morgan
My youngest will be turning 18 in a few weeks, and I want to do some sort
of rite-of-passage. The problem is, none of the "traditional" things that
I can find would be feasible or meaningful. He doesn't have any friends
(and doesn't seem to feel the lack), and isn't fond of socializing with
our few, so there's no point in having a party if it's just going to be
the three of us. I couldn't pay him to do anything that involves spending
significant time in nature. He's agnostic, so nothing religious will work.
He has no interest in learning to drive, so getting him a license wouldn't
mean anything to him (though it would certainly mean something to our auto
insurance *g*). He's had his own house key for years, and we got him a
cell phone a couple of months ago so that he can contact us if he needs to
(he's having to use public transportation in stead of the school bus this
year) -- he's used the phone once in the three months he's had it ;-).
He's mature enough that we've been allowing R-rated films, TV-MA anime and
M-rated games (approved on a case-by-case basis) for several years.
So, I need to look outside the box as it were for ideas, since he's far
from being a typical teen. At least his birthday falls on a Saturday this
year, and it's two weeks before the end of the semester so hopefully he
won't have to spend that weekend prepping for finals.
I figure this bunch of intelligent, creative rummies should be able to
come up with an idea or two :-).
Thanks!
Morgan /|\
Margo
um...how would he feel about a flying lesson or two? Or if he's really
adventursome, how about a tandem skydive with an instructor? These
things would likely be nervewracking for you, but might *he* enjoy
them?
Masgo
Kathy Fitz
>
> My youngest will be turning 18 in a few weeks,
<snip>
>
> I figure this bunch of intelligent, creative rummies should be able to
> come up with an idea or two :-).
>
What meant the most to me, when I turned 18, was my grandmother giving
me the string of pearls that my grandfather had given her on their
wedding day. (Sadly, they were later lost in the theft of my minivan,
because I had been stupid and lazy and hadn't unpacked from a weekend
trip.) Anyway, is there some similar really really meaningful item,
heirloom or new, that might be appropriately given to an adult?
Also, I recommend getting him signed up for his first credit card as
soon as possible -- which will probably not be until he gets to
college, and under the new laws an adult will have to co-sign. One of
the things I have learned in my credit analyst training the past few
weeks is the importance of having a credit bureau file that starts
within the first few years that you are eligible. He doesn't
necessarily have to use it or even keep it with him, apart from a
small purchase at least every six months to keep it from getting
closed as inactive, but he should have it.
--Kathy
Tim Merrigan
<ljw-mot...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>(Tried sending this yesterday, didn't see it post so I'm trying again.)
>
>My youngest will be turning 18 in a few weeks, and I want to do some sort
>of rite-of-passage. The problem is, none of the "traditional" things that
>I can find would be feasible or meaningful. He doesn't have any friends
>(and doesn't seem to feel the lack), and isn't fond of socializing with
>our few, so there's no point in having a party if it's just going to be
>the three of us. I couldn't pay him to do anything that involves spending
>significant time in nature. He's agnostic, so nothing religious will work.
>
>He has no interest in learning to drive, so getting him a license wouldn't
>mean anything to him (though it would certainly mean something to our auto
>insurance *g*). He's had his own house key for years, and we got him a
>cell phone a couple of months ago so that he can contact us if he needs to
>(he's having to use public transportation in stead of the school bus this
>year) -- he's used the phone once in the three months he's had it ;-).
>He's mature enough that we've been allowing R-rated films, TV-MA anime and
>M-rated games (approved on a case-by-case basis) for several years.
Just a suggestion, but blatantly remove the case by case restriction.
Let him choose his own movies, TV, games, books, whatever, without
having to check with you.
>So, I need to look outside the box as it were for ideas, since he's far
> from being a typical teen. At least his birthday falls on a Saturday this
>year, and it's two weeks before the end of the semester so hopefully he
>won't have to spend that weekend prepping for finals.
>
>I figure this bunch of intelligent, creative rummies should be able to
>come up with an idea or two :-).
>
>Thanks!
>Morgan /|\
--
I pledge allegiance to the Constitution of the United States of America,
and to the republic which it established, one nation, from many peoples,
promising liberty and justice for all.
Feel free to use the above variant pledge in your own postings.
Tim Merrigan
Desideria
<ljw-mot...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
(You can tell I'm from an Italian household.)
If you don't already provide him this and you drink, you might serve
him a small glass of wine with his birthday meal--or some beer.
Then allow him the right to sample some of your drinks when he wishes.
My folks gave me wine with special meals from childhood on, and sips
of their drinks as far back as I can recall. It might do him good when
he hits 21...
and I'm not suggesting anything to replace the 21-er. Just an
introduction to alcohol as part of socializing.
Desideria
Hanging Jester
news:op.u23ftthp6isimy@phoenix:
How about some more information: anything at all you can tell us on on
hobbies, favorite past-times, interests, sports team or other things he
might be a fan of, theatre, etc... You have to know something that could
give us better chance of helping.
I don't know if he likes to travel or is even interested in foriegn
countries, but a trip abroad (or to somewhere in the US that he has
developed an interest in,) with a few friends would fit in with a rite
of passage. (Exception, Las Vegas. he needs to be 21 to get in many
palaces on his own.)
~ Jester
Connie Smithberg
shared housing. If you've got a savings account for him, give him that,
too.
Seems harsh, yes. Coming of age ain't just balloons and candles.
contrary
"Morgan" <ljw-mot...@invalid.invalid> wrote in message
news:op.u23ftthp6isimy@phoenix...
Morgan
<snip>
> um...how would he feel about a flying lesson or two? Or if he's really
> adventursome, how about a tandem skydive with an instructor? These
> things would likely be nervewracking for you, but might *he* enjoy
> them?
Heck, if we could afford flying lessons, *I'd* want them :-). They
wouldn't be nerve wracking for me -- I wanted to be Evel Knievel when I
was a teen, but I don't think I could pay the kid to do these.
Now, maybe for MY 50th next year... ;-)
Morgan /|\
Morgan
wrote:
> On Nov 8, 3:42 pm, Morgan <ljw-motzare...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>> (Tried sending this yesterday, didn't see it post so I'm trying again.)
>>
>> My youngest will be turning 18 in a few weeks,
>
> <snip>
>>
>> I figure this bunch of intelligent, creative rummies should be able to
>> come up with an idea or two :-).
>>
> What meant the most to me, when I turned 18, was my grandmother giving
> me the string of pearls that my grandfather had given her on their
> wedding day. (Sadly, they were later lost in the theft of my minivan,
> because I had been stupid and lazy and hadn't unpacked from a weekend
> trip.) Anyway, is there some similar really really meaningful item,
> heirloom or new, that might be appropriately given to an adult?
Nothing comes to mind offhand, but I'll give this one more thought.
> Also, I recommend getting him signed up for his first credit card as
> soon as possible -- which will probably not be until he gets to
> college, and under the new laws an adult will have to co-sign. One of
> the things I have learned in my credit analyst training the past few
> weeks is the importance of having a credit bureau file that starts
> within the first few years that you are eligible. He doesn't
> necessarily have to use it or even keep it with him, apart from a
> small purchase at least every six months to keep it from getting
> closed as inactive, but he should have it.
Our credit union offers "teen debit accounts," which we already got him,
but is a good idea. I don't think I'd want to try to pass it off as
anything birthday-related, though, since I imagine he'd care about as much
as he did the cell phone (as in, "I know you don't want one, but *I* want
you to have one in case you need it").
Morgan /|\
Morgan
<snip>
> Just a suggestion, but blatantly remove the case by case restriction.
> Let him choose his own movies, TV, games, books, whatever, without
> having to check with you.
Well, as long as he's spending our money, there's going to be at least
some checking involved ;-).
Seriously, though, I can't remember the last time we said "no" to
something. He just insisted on checking if the age on the box was over the
age he was at the time. Now that he'll be "legal" for everything, I'm
guessing he'll stop checking.
We might use this one, though.
Morgan /|\
Morgan
wrote:
<snip>
> (You can tell I'm from an Italian household.)
>
> If you don't already provide him this and you drink, you might serve
> him a small glass of wine with his birthday meal--or some beer.
>
> Then allow him the right to sample some of your drinks when he wishes.
>
> My folks gave me wine with special meals from childhood on, and sips
> of their drinks as far back as I can recall. It might do him good when
> he hits 21...
>
> and I'm not suggesting anything to replace the 21-er. Just an
> introduction to alcohol as part of socializing.
We're not big drinkers ourselves, despite Roland having had an authentic
Italian grandmother ;-). I really hope it doesn't qualify as "alcohol
abuse" to throw away wine after the open bottle has started turning to
vinegar...
Actually, I told the kid somewhere back around 16 or so that if he wanted
the occasional, responsible drink at home it was OK. Not only has he not
taken us up on it, he turns down any offers of "want a taste?"
I get the distinct feeling that 21 will be just another birthday to this
kid. At least I _know_ he won't be in the same boat I was when I turned 21
-- 4 months pregnant ;-).
Morgan /|\
Morgan
wrote:
> Morgan <ljw-mot...@invalid.invalid> wrote in
> news:op.u23ftthp6isimy@phoenix:
>
>> My youngest will be turning 18 in a few weeks, and I want to do some
>> sort of rite-of-passage. The problem is, none of the "traditional"
>> things that I can find would be feasible or meaningful. He doesn't
>> have any friends (and doesn't seem to feel the lack), and isn't fond
>> of socializing with our few, so there's no point in having a party if
>> it's just going to be the three of us. I couldn't pay him to do
>> anything that involves spending significant time in nature. He's
>> agnostic, so nothing religious will work.
<snip>
> How about some more information: anything at all you can tell us on on
> hobbies, favorite past-times, interests, sports team or other things he
> might be a fan of, theatre, etc... You have to know something that could
> give us better chance of helping.
He doesn't really have any interests aside from the anime (and manga) and
games. He's taking film classes and wants to direct (doesn't everybody
;-). Hmm, I'll have to see if he'd like a camera, but that still leaves
the coming-of-age part to figure out.
> I don't know if he likes to travel or is even interested in foriegn
> countries, but a trip abroad (or to somewhere in the US that he has
> developed an interest in,) with a few friends would fit in with a rite
> of passage. (Exception, Las Vegas. he needs to be 21 to get in many
> palaces on his own.)
>
> ~ Jester
We've gotten stuff from school for travel-abroad opportunities, but he's
always turned them down even when we encouraged him (said encouragement
stopping just short of pushing -- I hated to see him pass it up). Though
he's taken two years of German and is now taking French, he's never wanted
to go on any of the trips his teachers have organized. As for a trip with
friends, as I mentioned above, he doesn't have any. He's rather a hermit
:-(.
Morgan /|\
Morgan
<snip>
> Oh, wow, I think I *am* this guy.
> Hey, I turned out sort of acceptable. Dogs run up to me. Cats adore
> me. Little girls used to sit down and have serious conversations with
> me (no, I never understood that, and I make *damned* sure it can't
> happen any more, in this milieu of paranoid frenzy about bad people)
> and my neighbours like me. I have a job, a lady and not a bad little
> life.
> Oh, and I did not turn into the mad, crazed misanthrope and destroyer
> of worlds that everyone thought I might become. Loners are not
> necessarily all cannibals and evil galactic overlords.
> Though I'm in training for that job.
> Like I said, cats like me. That's most of the work done. All I need
> is FTL transport and a "hero" to dislike me.
> J.
The cats like him, which I agree is a good litmus test. Can't say about
dogs -- he doesn't like them after being bitten in the face when he was 2.
He's good with younger kids when he has to deal with them.
I don't think he'll turn into a crazed misanthrope, but by his own
admission he's a "grouchy old man" at the tender age of 17. I think he's
actually looking forward to having a chance to tell some kids to get off
of his lawn ;-).
He's a good kid, really. We can trust him alone in the house if we go away
for a few days, he does his homework without needing prompting (and gets
pretty good grades), and he's generally a considerate person. He just
makes his dad and I -- introverts both -- look positively gregarious by
comparison.
Morgan /|\
Morgan
wrote:
> Here's a real eye opener...give him the local listings for job openings
> and
> shared housing. If you've got a savings account for him, give him that,
> too.
> Seems harsh, yes. Coming of age ain't just balloons and candles.
Given that he still has 6 more months of high school wherein he's not
expected to also have a job, and that we've already told him he can
continue to live at home while he goes to community college, this would
IMNSHO serve no real purpose except to be mean.
Ed -- The Tall Guy
John <Anyone...@this.time> wrote:
> On Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:22:26 -0800, Morgan
> <ljw-mot...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
> >He's a good kid, really. We can trust him alone in the house if we go away
> >for a few days,
>
> hours, I'll have re=wired your entertainment set-up, "improved" your
> PC, WiFi and broadband and filled your cupboards with nutritious,
> cheap meals like flavoured noodles.
> Hey, just being helpful...
> And bored.
>
> ...oh, and did you notice I've replaced al those messy
> incandescents?
In a previous life, you were a Border Collie. I'm not sure if this life
is a promotion or a demotion :)
Ree
Oh definitely a demotion. How else?
Ree (grinning)