RECYCLED HUMOR: Divorce
Jai Rose
to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are
divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son yells, distraught.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man
says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so
you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell
they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT
getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling
my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do
a
thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wife.
"Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell
them for Christmas?"
Jai
"The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after
the revolution." Hannah Arendt
dennywS...@zipcon.net
forth, saying:
>An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate
>to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are
>divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
Jai, that's marvelous! (probably cuz it's so believable...)
-denny-
curmudgeonly editor
"Life with the circus is one long uninterrupted dee-light."
(Barry Longyear, _Circus World_)
SCA Wench
<joke snipped>
>
> "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell
> them for Christmas?"
Reminds me of another joke-
Q: What do a Texas Tornado and an Arkansas divorce have in common?
A: Somebody's losing a trailer!
--
Lady Brigid
And a great big Hello to all intelligent lifeforms
everywhere. And for the rest of you; the secret is
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Douglas Adams
Keith Merritt
> Reminds me of another joke-
> Q: What do a Texas Tornado and an Arkansas divorce have in common?
>
> A: Somebody's losing a trailer!
>
the same joke... 'cept it's an Arkansas tornado and a Texas divorce!"
"One never knows, do one?" -- Fats Waller
Clothahump
tell
> > them for Christmas?"
>
> Q: What do a Texas Tornado and an Arkansas divorce have in common?
>
> A: Somebody's losing a trailer!
Which brings up the age-old legal question: if a couple get married in
Arkansas, move to California and divorce ten years later, are they still
brother and sister?
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Sam Waring
about that:
> > Q: What do a Texas Tornado and an Arkansas divorce have in common?
> > A: Somebody's losing a trailer!
> Keith Merritt glances up, bemused. "Funny... here in Arkansas we tell
> the same joke... 'cept it's an Arkansas tornado and a Texas divorce!"
SamIAm snorts. "Keith, did ya just forget to mention how the
current Gub'ner of Arkansas is living in a triple-wide these days?"
SamIAm
(Honest to Ghods. It's true. An Arkansan friend recently explained that
the state brought in a prefab home for the Gub to live in while the
Mansion's being renovated, and that his wife corrected a reporter who
asked her how she liked living in a double-wide, saying, "It's not a
double-wide, it's a triple!")
--
"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the
usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody
thinks of complaining."
-- Jeff Raskin
Keith Merritt
tornado and a divorce have in common...
> > Keith Merritt glances up, bemused. "Funny... here in Arkansas we
tell
> > the same joke... 'cept it's an Arkansas tornado and a Texas divorce!"
>
> SamIAm snorts. "Keith, did ya just forget to mention how the
> current Gub'ner of Arkansas is living in a triple-wide these days?"
>
> SamIAm
> (Honest to Ghods. It's true. An Arkansan friend recently explained that
> the state brought in a prefab home for the Gub to live in while the
> Mansion's being renovated, and that his wife corrected a reporter who
> asked her how she liked living in a double-wide, saying, "It's not a
> double-wide, it's a triple!")
Keith grinned at Sam. "I had brought it up several months ago, as the
'manufactured home' (the preferred usage of the folx that make 'em) was
being trucked to the Rock -- by three trucks."
"My native-Arkansawyer, yellow-dog Democrat wife is of the opinion that
accepting the 'triple-wide' (donated at no cost to the state by the
aforementioned manufacturers) was a wise, fiscally responsible thing for the
Guv to do. (This may very well be the *only* time she's ever agreed with
our Republican governor!)"
"The Governor's Mansion was not handicapped-accessible, and had *less*
living space than the 'triple-wide' has. Refurbishing of the official
Mansion was long overdue. Putting the 'triple-wide' on the grounds of the
Mansion allowed existing security to remain where they had already been --
saving more money. The only thing *I* didn't like about it was knowing the
additional jokes that were sure to come from Leno, Letterman, et. al. (In
this, I have -- sigh -- not been disappointed.)"
"Similar manufactured housing is built and installed every day somewhere
in these United States. To be serious for a (brief, I promise!) moment, the
difference between these houses and trailers is that the 'manufactured
housing' is installed onto a permanent foundation. Once the actual Mansion
is restored, the 'triple-wide' will be moved elsewhere, and become
somebody's permanent home."
"Now, I am not among the supporters of Arkansas' current Governor, for a
number of reasons. His comments on the Don Imus show about Arkansas being a
'banana republic' because of *expected* election irregularities (which did
*not* occur) has given the Huck a pretty good shiner. Once upon a time in
this state, there were counties where political bosses could make elections
turn out any way they wanted to. Most of those bosses were cleaned out
during (R) Governor Winthrop Rockefeller Sr.'s administration, and any he
missed were swept away by the following Governor, (D) Dale Bumpers. Both of
those gubernatorial terms ended long before I first moved to Arkansas in
1975. And I dunno what the current Guv's problem was... Arkansas, a
so-called 'battleground state,' went for Bush."
"The Republican Congressman in south Arkansas' 4th district lost *his*
race -- but a pre-election appearence by the sitting President to support
the Democratic challenger had more effect on that race than any possible
voting foulups. (The losing Congresscritter -- Jay Dickey -- had voted in
favor of impeaching Ol' Bubba. Payback, as it's said, *is* Hell.) I 'spect
when Governor Huckabee runs for re-election in two years, his Democratic
opponent (whoever it is) will beat him severely about the head and chest
with those bananas."
"Some Patrons may remember that I started signing my comments here as a
resident of the 'Dry-Towns, Banana Republic of Arkansas.' (I live in a
'dry' county -- the only liquor sales are made in so-called 'private'
clubs.) I quit using the BRoA line at the request of my wife, who thought
using that phrase, even in jest, would continue to embarrass the citizens of
this state."
"I still (as a long-time political observer) have wistful dreams of
Bubba Clinton re-establishing Arkansas residency in time to run for the US
Senate against whichever Hutchinson brother holds the office now. (I can
never keep 'em straight -- one represents the heavily-Republican 3rd
district in the US House, t'other's in the Senate.) Like him or loathe him,
the fact remains that Bubba has only lost two political elections in his
lifetime -- and the first one shouldn't count -- he was a sacrificial lamb
up against the tremendously popular (now retired) Republican John Paul
Hammerschmidt in that same Republican 3rd District in northwest Arkansas.
Boy, *that'd* be fun! Ah, well..."
"And, SamIAm, I *won't* ask you the obvious question... but I'll buy you
a BOYC, if you'd like!"
Peace be with you,
Keith Merritt
The Ol' Goaler
Sam Waring
about that:
> "And, SamIAm, I *won't* ask you the obvious question... but I'll buy you
> a BOYC, if you'd like!"
SamIAm snorts again. "Make it a Johnnie Black, then, Mike--I need
something to get my mind off the likelihood that we're gonna have Rick
Perry as *our* next governor. The man's right up there in the Dan
Quayle school of with-it-ness, and the Ghods only know what kinda idiocy
he'll get up to this next legislative session, and with reactionaries
like Warren Chisum and Mike Krusee in the Lege, he'll have accomplices.
It sure'z hell makes me wish for the days of Bob Bullock and Bill Hobby,
both of whom knew how to make a balky government--and Texas government
is nothing if not balky--actually *run*."
SamIAm
(who understands why neither Bullock nor Hobby ran for governor,
but rather wishes they had anyway)
mathgoddess
> "I still (as a long-time political observer) have wistful dreams of
> Bubba Clinton re-establishing Arkansas residency in time to run for the US
> Senate against whichever Hutchinson brother holds the office now. (I can
> never keep 'em straight -- one represents the heavily-Republican 3rd
> district in the US House, t'other's in the Senate.) Like him or loathe him,
> the fact remains that Bubba has only lost two political elections in his
> lifetime -- and the first one shouldn't count -- he was a sacrificial lamb
> up against the tremendously popular (now retired) Republican John Paul
> Hammerschmidt in that same Republican 3rd District in northwest Arkansas.
> Boy, *that'd* be fun! Ah, well..."
Instead, the rumor is that he's considering running for Mayor of New
York City.
New York (like many big states) perpetually has to deal with fights
between the liberal cities and the conservative suburbs and rural areas.
If we ended up with not only two lib/Dem Senators, but a lib/Dem Mayor
of NYC who was _married_ to one of them, the screams from upstate would
be audible in China. It would also serve to mightily piss off Rudy
Giuliani, our current Mayor, whose determination to improve the quality
of life in our fair city has been somewhat undermined by his
determination to stand by our boys in blue during their recent and
highly memorable fuckups--I suspect that Mayor Bill wouldn't be real
keen on maintaining that new hotline Giuliani set up to combat marijuana
smoking, f'rinstance.
--Rose
--
Where was I? I forgot the point that I was making....
--They Might Be Giants
For my real email address, visit http://i.am/rwp
The Polymath (Jerry Hollombe)
> Instead, the rumor is that [Bill Clinton is] considering running for Mayor of New
> York City.
He doesn't stand a chance. Guiliani has most of his constituency locked
up in jail.
--
The Polymath (aka: Jerry Hollombe) "There are no good plan Bs. If
http://www.babcom.com/polymath/ they were good, they'd be plan A."
http://www.glaam.us.mensa.org/ -- The Magic School Bus
Query pgpkeys.mit.edu for PGP public key.
mathgoddess
> mathgoddess wrote:
>
> > Instead, the rumor is that [Bill Clinton is] considering running for
> > Mayor of New York City.
>
> He doesn't stand a chance. Guiliani has most of his constituency locked
> up in jail.
Not by the way the city voted in the recent elections, he doesn't.
Matthew T. Russotto
mathgoddess <circul...@wastebaskets.com> wrote:
}be audible in China. It would also serve to mightily piss off Rudy
}Giuliani, our current Mayor, whose determination to improve the quality
}of life in our fair city has been somewhat undermined by his
}determination to stand by our boys in blue during their recent and
}highly memorable fuckups--I suspect that Mayor Bill wouldn't be real
}keen on maintaining that new hotline Giuliani set up to combat marijuana
}smoking, f'rinstance.
He'd probably keep up Jackboot Giuliani's car confiscation program; at
least until he netted himself a replacement for his old El Camino. :-)
--
Matthew T. Russotto russ...@pond.com
"Extremism in defense of liberty is no vice, and moderation in pursuit
of justice is no virtue."