"Deteriorata"
WinBear
Anybody out there have all the words?
WinBear
"He's dead, Jim. You grab his tricorder, I'll get his wallet..."
WareWolf
WinBear wrote in message <01bda2a6$0c998360$6ae3ffcc@default>...
>Anybody out there have all the words?
>
>WinBear
>
Deteriorata
by Tony Hendra of 'The National Lampoon'
Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss, and when.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.
Wherever possible, put people on hold.
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
and despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
Remember The Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.
Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you -
That lemon on your left, for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore. It will stick to your face.
Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan.
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Hire people with hooks.
For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.
Take heart in the bedeepening gloom
That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
And reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot,
It could only be worse in Milwaukee.
You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Therefore, make peace with your god,
Whatever you perceive him to be - hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
The world continues to deteriorate.
Give up!
For those of you who aren't familiar, it's a parody of the Poem (?)
"Desiderata" which is one of those Kahlil Gibran-esque poems that people
like to give to nieces, nephews and grandchildren about the time of their
high school graduations.
Dusty
Leslie
In alt.callahans, WareWolf (dus...@ac.net) said:
+>For those of you who aren't familiar, it's a parody of the Poem (?)
+>"Desiderata" which is one of those Kahlil Gibran-esque poems that people
+>like to give to nieces, nephews and grandchildren about the time of their
+>high school graduations.
"Desiderata was written by Max Ehrmann, actually."
DESIDERATA
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others, even to the dull
and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there wwwill be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career,
however humble; it is a real possession
in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle to yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you concieve Him to be.
And whatever your labours and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann.
--
* Spider Robinson info & alt.callahans FAQs: <http://www.vex.net/~leslie> *
** "Why _admit_ it?" "Because it's _true_. Because we're here to **
** get telepathic, and we can't have telepathy based on bullshit." **
*** "If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane." -- J. Buffett ***
Brian Quirt
"WinBear" (rob...@SPAMKILLiglou.com) writes:
> Anybody out there have all the words?
Not to this one, but I also remember a poem called "Disentegrata," which
is a Klingon version of Desiderata, and to which I am looking for the
words. I remember only:
Go nastily amid the peace and tranquility,
and remember what satisfaction there may be in genocide.
...quiet and passive persons,
they are annoying but fun to kill.
The rest escapes me.
Brian Quirt
--
"Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know
how to lie well." Samuel Butler
Brian Quirt (bri...@freenet.carleton.ca)
John Yaskowich
On Sun, 28 Jun 1998 11:39:16 -0400, "WareWolf" <dus...@ac.net> wrote:
>Deteriorata
>Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.
I think this should be "...but that three lefts do"
There is also the Klingon version:
Disintegrate
Go nastily amid the peace and tranquillity, and remember what
satisfaction there may be in genocide. As far as possible, without
surrender, move into other people's space. Lie often and loudly; and
listen to the lies of others, even the slow and incompetent; examples
can be made of them later. Seek out the meek and inoffensive persons;
they are annoying and fun to kill. Do not bother comparing yourself
to others; those greater than you will eventually be eliminated, and
those lesser than you are dead already. Fart in airlocks.
Assassinate your superior as quickly as possible; your own career,
however exalted, is not worth a plugged milo if your own junior
officers get it over your dead body. Exercise caution if your course
changes suddenly produce a sensor ghost; for the galaxy is full of
Federation vessels. But let this not blind you to the happier side of
things; many starship captains are swaggering tin-plated dictators
with delusions of godhood, and everywhere life is full of
incompetence. Advance yourself. Especially do not feign meanness,
neither be cynical about hate; you are unlikely to run out of either.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the
joys of defenestration and evisceration for more mature pleasures.
Nurture a deep-seated suspicion of small furry creatures that purr;
you can never tell. File your teeth regularly. Discipline is
important; practice "holding it" between planet falls. You are a
scourge of the universe, no less than your average interstellar plague
or blackhole; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is
clear to you, have no doubt that the universe is going to pieces in a
most laudable manner.
Therefore do your utmost to annoy the destroyer, however you
may conceive of him, big bang or entropy death; and whatever your
plans of conquest, as you wade through the morasses of peace with your
fire and sword, annoy your soul. With all its truth, high resolve,
and courage, the world still has its ugly spots. Be thoughtless.
Strive to be miserable.
---
Censorship dictates that adults must eat Pablum
because babies can't handle steak.
jya...@istar.ca John Yaskowich
Jim Pierce
Dusty wrote:
[]Deteriorata
[]
[]by Tony Hendra of 'The National Lampoon'
I've got it on a 45 rpm record. No idea where it is though.
DJ.
--
Jim Pierce B.Sc. djim50 at bellsouth dot net
remove the 'no.spam' to email.
John Edwards
The Ever-so-wise "WinBear" <rob...@SPAMKILLiglou.com> once said:
->Anybody out there have all the words?
->
->WinBear
I know that people have replied to this, but you can find a
LOT of lyrics to a LOT of songs at: http://www.lyrics.ch/
John
Remove NOT from reply address to send email.
I don't need your Attitude
I've got one of my own!
Kirsten M. Berry
Didja hear what Jim Pierce said?
}Dusty wrote:
}[]Deteriorata
}[]
}[]by Tony Hendra of 'The National Lampoon'
}
} I've got it on a 45 rpm record. No idea where it is though.
The Sniper actually had NatLamp's "Radio Dinner" LP - purchased
exclusively for Deteriorata, IIRC - when we first got together. It
left the household when we sold all our records after getting rid of
our last turntable.
I wish I'd been a little more discriminating about which of those I
had given away....
--
Kirsten M. Berry, Samurai Webmistress ki...@hooked.net
http://www.hooked.net/~kirib/
"Expect the best. Expect the worst. Expect a f*cking miracle.
It's always Anything Can Happen Day." -Pamela Des Barres
ladyc...@my-dejanews.com
In article <6n5oau$6st$1...@usenet36.supernews.com>,
"WareWolf" <dus...@ac.net> wrote:
>
>
> WinBear wrote in message <01bda2a6$0c998360$6ae3ffcc@default>...
> >
> For those of you who aren't familiar, it's a parody of the Poem (?)
> "Desiderata" which is one of those Kahlil Gibran-esque poems that people
> like to give to nieces, nephews and grandchildren about the time of their
> high school graduations.
>
> Dusty
LadyCheron, seated at a public access terminal in the library
of her daughter's college, is suddenly ROTFLOL - prompting the
library monitor to utter "SHHHHHH!!!"
"Thanks, Dusty. I needed that! Let me buy your next drink."
--
LadyCheron, Keeper of the Birthday List for alt.callahans and
#callahans. Reply to ladycheron at callahans dot org. Better
DejaNews than No News!
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Dr. Jake Katz
In article <3596b880...@news.istar.ca>,
John Yaskowich describes "Disintegrate," the Klingon version of
"Desiderata," and includes the line...
:> Nurture a deep-seated suspicion of small furry creatures that purr;
:> you can never tell.
** Small furry cartoon cat purrs and smiles. **
I think this is attributed to Mark Twain:
"Smile! It makes people wonder what you're up to."
** Cat wonders why nobody has _ever_ thought to ask why Klingons'
heads all look like that. Could it be that huge paws have been poking,
great claws prodding?
Animated feline postulates existence of the "Klingon Rite of
Kneading..." (Gasp or cry out and you die! One >-slash!-> is all it
takes.) **
@:-/
j'Haek Khatz
who points out that, well, you do see a lot more cats than Klingons
-- but who would _never_ suggest that this statistic proves anything
concerning the species' relative placement on the food chain
Allan Friedman
Dr. Jake Katz wrote:
> ** Cat wonders why nobody has _ever_ thought to ask why Klingons'
> heads all look like that. Could it be that huge paws have been poking,
> great claws prodding?
No, it's because when you give them an answer to a question, they smack
their forehead in disgust that they didn't know the answer to begin with.
> Animated feline postulates existence of the "Klingon Rite of
> Kneading..." (Gasp or cry out and you die! One >-slash!-> is all it
> takes.) **
As compared to Rite of Wanting?
> @:-/
>
> j'Haek Khatz
> who points out that, well, you do see a lot more cats than Klingons
> -- but who would _never_ suggest that this statistic proves anything
> concerning the species' relative placement on the food chain
Not if you want to survive the day...
-K'haez
WinBear
Dr. Jake Katz <FurFolks@DESPAM_ME_csi.com> wrote in article
> ** Cat wonders why nobody has _ever_ thought to ask why Klingons'
> heads all look like that. Could it be that huge paws have been poking,
> great claws prodding?
The prevailing theory is that the Klingons got their butts kicked so often
by the Federation, the spine migrated up and around the head. This explains
why TOS Klingons had smooth foreheads, and yet the same individual Klingon
persons now have cheesegrater foreheads.
It's just a theory, folks! <g>
WinBear
Cloth...@my-dejanews.com
In article <MPG.100187377...@news.compuserve.com>,
FurFolks@DESPAM_ME_csi.com (Dr. Jake Katz) wrote:
>
>
...snip...
> Animated feline postulates existence of the "Klingon Rite of
> Kneading..." (Gasp or cry out and you die! One >-slash!-> is all it
> takes.) **
>
what I mean immediately....
KertRats
"WareWolf" kindly supplied the content of
>Deteriorata
>
>by Tony Hendra of 'The National Lampoon'
Thanks, Big Gray One!
-k-
======================== K ==========================
As Frog said to Toad, "Time's sure fun when you're having flies."
KertRats
Cloth...@my-dejanews.com noted:
>Actually, cats are Klingons. Just hold a kitten next to a drape, you'll see
>what I mean immediately....
Which brings to mind the old riddle,
"Why is a roll of toilet paper like the
Starship Enterprise?"
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
They both wipe out kling-ons......
Macavity
On Tue, 30 Jun 1998 20:23:41 GMT, "WinBear" <rob...@SPAMKILLiglou.com>
wrote:
>
>
>Dr. Jake Katz <FurFolks@DESPAM_ME_csi.com> wrote in article
>> ** Cat wonders why nobody has _ever_ thought to ask why Klingons'
>> heads all look like that. Could it be that huge paws have been poking,
>> great claws prodding?
acually, the question was asked in the "trials and tribble-ations" DS9
episode. Warfs reply was; "It's a Personal matter, and we do not discuss it
with outsiders" (paraphrased)
A great Episode, BTW. I think it's season 5.
/Macavity
"Obscurity is Often the Refuge of the Incompetent."
Jubal, in "Stranger in a Strange Land" by Robert Heinlein
To reply, remove the dot before at.
Jaime Adams
Cloth...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
> Actually, cats are Klingons. Just hold a kitten next to a drape, you'll see
> what I mean immediately....
This is true. My cat's face is black and white, and the pattern points at
the top looking like a Klingon's head. Maybe that's why we named him Worf.
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