Death by Pizza
Christopher Jahn
But who will be the guy tomorrow morning, when the Morning
Express passes through?
Xjahn
Who is the guy who does this after a bowl of his own
thermonuclear chili >:-)
--
}:-) Christopher Jahn
{:-( Dionysian Reveler
This message is not to be archived on Remarq.com due to
Remarq's policy of unauthorized alteration of content.
Violation of this notice will be vigorously prosecuted.
Sailor Jim Johnston
usual and carefully seats himself at his customary table. When everyone
finally get a good look at his face, they see sweat dappling every inch
of it and a damp sheen to his lips.
"Well, so much for being a clever fellow ... heck, so much for being
smart enough to pour piss out of a boot." His drink arrives and he takes
a straw out of his pocket. With exaggerated care, he sips a few times at
his drink, occasionally wincing. He looks back up at the expectant
faces, sighs and puts his straw down.
"Dian had her Abnormal Psych class this evening and I was flying solo for
dinner. Since I didn't have to worry about cooking for the two of us, or
bumming Dian out (she’s on a special diet to help her Hypoglycemia), I
decided to cook myself a pizza! A large cheese and garlic special,
replete with my special spices and cheese mix!
"Forty minutes later, I was sitting down to a gourmet feast. A tall
glass of iced Diet Coke and a steaming hot pizza ... oooooooooooooh, it
don’t get any better than this (and won't until somebody invents a way to
add sex to the mix)! I sat down and turned on a basketball game.
"The first bite of the first slice reminded me that I had forgotten the
key ingredient, the secret to a great pizza, the ju-ju of every pie ...
Tabasco! I dug out my faithful bottle out of the cupboard and returned
to the table. A sizable dollop on the next bite and ... ooooooo-WEEEEE!
"Heaven on earth!
"I had sliced my pie into fourths (I wasn’t hungry enough to cut it into
six or eight slices), so I liberally sprinkled tabasco all over the pie.
About - oh, roughly - half a cup of tasbasco soaked into the melted
cheese."
SJ stops to take another careful sip of his drink and to reapply his lip
balm.
"Somewhere, on some different astral plane, a smarter version of me only
used a tenth as much tabasco, or stopped after only one slice, or somehow
managed to otherwise defuse the culinary H-Bomb that laid before him.
Needless to say, I was not that guy.
"I was the guy who ate the entire pizza.
"I was the guy who lips began to burn and eyes to water.
"I was the guy who was sweating like a domesticated farm animal.
"I was the guy who bit his own tongue.
"I was the guy who's eyes bugged out like a demented Warner's Brothers
cartoon, who was unable to call for help, who saw Jesus appear before him
... laughing.
"I was the guy soaking his head in milk.
"I was the guy who's cat licked his swollen lips, attracted by the milk,
and then ran howling from the room from a contact burn, only to appear
moments later beating the crap out of my wife's cat.
"I was the guy who, the pain finally dimming to just heart attack level,
staggered towards his bedroom (hoping to die in his own bed), bumped the
stove and toppled his wife's cast iron Dutch oven onto his bare foot.
"(Which really wasn’t all that bad, actually. I hardly even felt it with
the thermite going off in my gums.)
"I was the guy who's wife came home to find him whining in pain, curled
up in a fetal ball, swollen tongue, swollen lips, swollen foot all
throbbing nicely. She rushed to my side and kissed me awake ... then ran
into the kitchen to soak her burning lips in milk.
"Now I am reduced to the miserable wretch you see before you. My lips
will heal, my mouth and tongue will heal, my foot will heal , and the
severe beating my cat later received at the paws of my wife's cat didn’t
leave any permanent scars, either. My wife is calling her mother, my
mother, my sister, her sister-in-laws, her sister-in-law's mothers, all
of her university women friends and several female names picked at random
from our local phone book to laugh about my stupidity. It will be years
before I live this one down. And ... yet ..."
Sailor Jim takes another sip from his drink and a wistful smile widens
his lips ... causing him to grimace through his grin.
"Ahhhhh, shipmates ... that was a damn great pizza!"
SJ
("Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have to get to bed early. You see, it
should be my final night on earth, as I expect to die tomorrow morning
during my regular morning crap. (Those closer to Nacogdoches, Texas -
oh, say, no further away than Florida - should be able to hear my last
words fairly clearly.)")
--
In Chinese, "crisis" and "opportunity" are the same word.
(Which explains how the Chinese invented politics, doesn't it?)
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
jhe...@my-deja.com
Sailor Jim Johnston <sailo...@my-deja.com> wrote:
> Sailor Jim limps in, leaning heavily on a stylish cane. He calls for
his
> usual and carefully seats himself at his customary table. When
everyone
> finally get a good look at his face, they see sweat dappling every
inch
> of it and a damp sheen to his lips.
<architect gets up off floor>
<snips post>
<wipes 1/2 ounce of perfectly good Jack Daniels off the monitor>
Okay, Sailor. Move this one up to number 2 on the all-time list.
--
Jim
"Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time."
Terry Pratchett
Freyja
I laughed so hard my bladder made some serious threats and my rib
cage is screaming to get out!
BOYC? Mylanta, maybe?
--
Freyja the NurseWench
(de-spam e-mail)
http://pagina.de/eclecticeel
ICQ:9582706 AIM:FreyjaNurseWench
Boycott RemarQ!
dennis m. dillow
> <tale of taste buds overiding defense systems snipped>
>
> ("Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have to get to bed early. You see, it
> should be my final night on earth, as I expect to die tomorrow morning
> during my regular morning crap. (Those closer to Nacogdoches, Texas -
> oh, say, no further away than Florida - should be able to hear my last
> words fairly clearly.)")
Would yer final words be the old Deep Purple song, "Smoke, on the Water"?
Denaldo asks, irreverently. BYOC to help chase the pain? Here's a Sacci.
--
Denaldo aka Dennis M. Dillow ddi...@flash.net
"Onward, through the fog." Oat Willie
Claire Black
: Sailor Jim takes another sip from his drink and a wistful smile widens
: his lips ... causing him to grimace through his grin.
:
: "Ahhhhh, shipmates ... that was a damn great pizza!"
Weredonut (laughing) says "Sounds good :)"
: ("Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have to get to bed early. You see, it
: should be my final night on earth, as I expect to die tomorrow morning
: during my regular morning crap. (Those closer to Nacogdoches, Texas -
: oh, say, no further away than Florida - should be able to hear my last
: words fairly clearly.)")
"Let us know if you survive, SJ....."
Weredonut (still laughing........)
--
Claire Black cc...@alinga.newcastle.edu.au
#include <standard_disclaimer.h>
Never argue with an idiot, they'll drag you down to their level and then
beat you with experience.
Jai Rose
<Giggling snippage>
>
>"Ahhhhh, shipmates ... that was a damn great pizza!"
Ah, Jim, poor fellow! I sympathize greatly. While I can't eat 'spicy'
foods due largely to cowardice, I can and do empathize with your
situation. I live in San Antonio - I'll address The Force with respect
and sincerity if I hear those last words. (Snicker - Admiring shake of
the head.)
Jai
"Physicists define stress as force per unit area. The rest of humanity
defines stress as physics."
John Vinson
<sailo...@my-deja.com> wrote:
>Sailor Jim limps in, leaning heavily on a stylish cane.
John the Wysard wipes the tears of laughter (and yes, a few of
sympathy as well) from his eyes and puts a dollar on the Bar for SJ's
next glass of... milk.
"Lordy, SJ, how you keep these things coming...!"
Sailor Jim Johnston
He calls for a drink and carefully sits.
"It's been 20 hours," he begins, in a soft voice. "Anyone who knows
me, knows that one can set ones watch by my .. um .. regularity. I am
a creature of strict habit and that habit extends to my colon. I wake
up at six, have a cup of coffee as I check my computer for mail, at six-
thirty I retire to the john for my morning ablutions, at seven I watch
Roughnecks on television while drying my hair and having a second cup
of coffee, and at seven-thirty I wake Dian and leave for work.
"On weekends, I sleep until six-thirty, when my bodily functions
conspire to wake me. I settle accounts and go back to bed until Dian
and I wake.
"The point is that I am sitting on the john, comic book in hand, at six-
thirty (give or take a few minutes) each and every day.
"Today, I got up at six and poured myself a cup of coffee. I checked
my Mac for mail and fiddled around until six-thirty. At that time, I
walked into the bathroom with the latest issue of Deadpool (and, out of
respect for what was to come, a strip of leather to bite down on) and
closed the door. I sat down on the john, opened the comic ...
"And my bodily functions, aware of the hazardous (and possibly deadly)
load coming through, decided to mutiny. It quickly became apparent
that I was dealing with a recalcitrant colon and a rebellious rectum.
A pitched battle broke out, a sort of strange reverse tug-of-war.
"In the end, I retired from the field .. defeated, yet happy.
"Now it has been twenty hours since I had my Tabasco laced pizza, and
the rebellion continues. Dian is concerned (giggling, but concerned
none the less) and I am suffering from a bizarre version of the sword
of Damocles, where if I win and break the strike, it'll be my ass.
"Soon this matter shall come a loggerhead, and the only guarantee is
that it will not hit the fan."
SJ
Windflower
<sailo...@my-deja.com> wrote:
(Butterfly regretfully snips the best laugh she's had in days, and
assures Sailor Jim that she is laughing ~with~ him, not ~at~ him...)
A hint from your expatriate neighbor to the west: Sopapillas aren't
for dessert. That little bit o' bread with honey does a great job of
containing the fiercest thermonuclear chile a New Mexico cook can
muster. Next time, reach for the honey instead of the milk! ;)
Butterfly
butt...@windblossom.weed.com
Weed the garden before sending!
Jette Goldie
Sailor Jim Johnston wrote
(BIG SNIP)
Help! I can't see the screen for tears of laughter!
Sorry, Jim - but other people's pain is funny.....and
you know it. <g>
Jette Goldie
jette....@u.genie.co.uk
HISTORICON 2001 - Setting the Standards for the Next Millennium
5th & 6th May 2001, Edinburgh, Scotland UK
http://you.genie.co.uk/jette.goldie/
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/historicon
Josh Brown
Matbucha salad I was making (sort of like salsa, only North African), and
rubbed my eyes ... I did eventually regain my sight, but only after a good
long while, during which I was crying and laughing at the same time.
Josh
The Trinker
Recipe please, Josh?
--
DO NOT SEND REPLIES DIRECTLY TO THIS E-MAIL!
tri...@pacbell.net is a spamdump, and is not read.
Send mail you'd like me to read to <kat> @ <vincent-tanaka.com>
(remove the brackets, of course.)
Pat Kight
>
> Actually, it reminds me of the time I was chopping up hot peppers for the
> Matbucha salad I was making (sort of like salsa, only North African), and
> rubbed my eyes ... I did eventually regain my sight, but only after a good
> long while, during which I was crying and laughing at the same time.
"Which, in turn, reminds me of how I learned that it's A Good Idea to
wear rubber gloves while peeling, chopping and de-seeding hot peppers,"
says Jezebel. "Let I stray too far into TMI territory, I'll just say it
involved realizing that I *really* needed to use the bathroom, and
forgetting to wash my hands *first* ..."
--Jezebel
kig...@peak.org
Sanford E. Walke IV
> Actually, it reminds me of the time I was chopping up hot peppers for the
> Matbucha salad I was making (sort of like salsa, only North African), and
> rubbed my eyes ... I did eventually regain my sight, but only after a good
> long while, during which I was crying and laughing at the same time.
I managed to get a flake of dried hot pepper (from the hot pepper shaker
at Uno's) in my eye *while driving*, and with my contacts in. I literally
had to use one hand to hold the other eye open so I could see to get off
of the (fairly busy) street I was on.
--
Sandy
Be a trend-setter, take responsibility for the results of your actions.
I don't speak for anyone but myself, and sometimes not even that.
The Polymath (Jerry Hollombe)
situation. He would then adjourn to the john, from behind the door of
which would echo the words, "C'mon, ice cream!" (-:{
--
The Polymath (aka: Jerry Hollombe, M.A., CCP, CFI)
http://www.babcom.com/polymath/
http://www.babcom.com/gla-mensa/
Query pgpkeys.mit.edu for PGP public key.
Sanford E. Walke IV
> "Now it has been twenty hours since I had my Tabasco laced pizza, and
> the rebellion continues. Dian is concerned (giggling, but concerned
> none the less) and I am suffering from a bizarre version of the sword
> of Damocles, where if I win and break the strike, it'll be my ass.
It's all the cheese, man. Binding agent, ya know?
Dr.Rob
you have revived one of my favorite reminiscences.
Way back when this Doc was just a Doc'ling, I belonged to a Medical
Explorer Post in San Antonio. FWIW, Explorers is a co-ed branch of Boy
Scouts for kids 16 and up, and each post has a theme associated with a
skill or career - Sea, Law, Communications, Medical, etc. I was 18,
halfway through pre-med and like many members of the post, very
thoroughly trained in first aid (Red Cross Basic, Advanced I and II and
CPR). We worked with the Red Cross on Disaster Relief, with the Law
Enforcement and Communications Posts to provide support for the 4-5
parades during Fiesta week in April, and provided free first aid to the
Scout council for their events.
One such event was "Cub Country Fair." Cub Scouts, boys aged 7-11, from
the council would set up camp in the field by council headquarters, and
show off what they'd learned as an open exhibition to the public. We
usually had around 50 Packs participate, with about 1000 Cub Scouts
present at any given time during the 1 & 1/2 day event. We always had
*at least* two guest Packs present, and invariably one was from Mexico,
and one from some indefinable "Northern" place (at least, north of
Austin).
Well, the cubs from Mexico or the border areas would invariably
challenge the Yankees to a jalapeno roulette. Take a bite of the pepper
and pass on the remainder. What the poor Gringo suckers didn't catch on
to was the fact that the peppers were usually swallowed whole.
So, after about 11 AM on the first day, the majority of cases seen at
our First Aid tent were from pepper juice burns.
Yes, the poor kids would bite the pepper, squirt the juice on their
hands and mouth, then rub at their burning skin and watery eyes.
We only ever had one have to go to the hospital, but we sure applied a
lot of Vaseline. You can also imagine the ribbing those kids endured
after explaining what made their cheeks and eyes so shiny.
[This has been a Speaker-to-Lab-animals, "old-codgers" minute. Brought
to you by Maalox and the Dairy Board. "Got Milk?" You may now wake up
and turn up your hearing aids]
--
(signed) Dr.Rob,
<<<<<>>>>>>
Dr.Rob is <rham...@wfubmc.edu>
http://www.wfubmc.edu/physpharm/faculty/reh/hampson.htm
This message was posted from home, please ignore the "csi.com" address.
Ernie / Mel
The Trinker wrote:
>
> Josh Brown wrote:
> >
> > Actually, it reminds me of the time I was chopping up hot peppers for the
> > Matbucha salad I was making (sort of like salsa, only North African), and
> > rubbed my eyes ... I did eventually regain my sight, but only after a good
> > long while, during which I was crying and laughing at the same time.
> > Josh
>
> Recipe please, Josh?
>
Yes, Josh share.
Ernie
mae...@bordeaux.enteract.com
> usual and carefully seats himself at his customary table. When everyone
> finally get a good look at his face, they see sweat dappling every inch
> of it and a damp sheen to his lips.
maenad laughs until she chokes, and places some Susie B's on the bar.
"Cheers, SJ. You are one of the best story-tellers I know. Thanks for
...erm, sharing." <g>
maenad
--
__Anna________fun is good!_________BORDEAUX = spamblock__
In theory, theory and practice are the same.
In practice, they are not. -Yogi Berra
---------------------------------------------------------
John Vinson
wrote:
>Actually, it reminds me of the time I was chopping up hot peppers for the
>Matbucha salad I was making (sort of like salsa, only North African), and
>rubbed my eyes ... I did eventually regain my sight, but only after a good
>long while, during which I was crying and laughing at the same time.
> Josh
John the Wysard remembers the condiment called "zhoug", served at the
*WONDERFUL* Traveller's Club Restaurant and Tuba Museum in Okemos,
Michigan. "This restaurant had a cycle of monthly menus that went
around the world - Chinese, Northern European, Native American, and so
on. During the Africa month they served zhoug as one of the
condiments."
"You know pesto, right? basil leaves, olive oil, pine nuts and garlic,
combined into a yummy concoction?"
"Okay, replace basil with cilantro; keep the olive oil; pine nuts
become pistachios; and instead of garlic, use serrano chile peppers."
"YUM! and YEOUCH!!!"
Captain Jack
Josh Brown wrote:
>
> Actually, it reminds me of the time I was chopping up hot peppers for the
> Matbucha salad I was making (sort of like salsa, only North African), and
> rubbed my eyes ... I did eventually regain my sight, but only after a good
> long while, during which I was crying and laughing at the same time.
> Josh
Me? All *I* did was use the "house" scissors to chop up some dried
chilies to put in a jar "for later", then use the same scissors a day
later to trim my moustach. It took me quite a while to figure out whey
the hell my upper lip was burning...
The Cap'n
D.J.
Sailor Jim, now that I can see the computer screen once again, I
hope ya feel better soon. and Good Luck on the uh restroom front.
D.J.
--
D.J. as djim55 at datasync dotty com Disclaimer: Standard
No boing in replyto. Updated Web pages January 19, 2000:
http://www.crosswinds.net/~djim51/
mirror site: http://www.datasync.com/~djim55/welcome.html
barbara trumpinski-roberts
> Matbucha salad I was making (sort of like salsa, only North African), and
> rubbed my eyes ... I did eventually regain my sight, but only after a good
> long while, during which I was crying and laughing at the same time.
> Josh
>
>
"ooooohhhhhhh, recipe please?" says kitten. "i prolly won't be able to
eat it (one of the curses of getting old is my tummy is getting more
delicate all the time) but i know people who will."
p&e
/\ /\ check out the info for the Y2kitten party @
{=.=} http://barbarakitten.tripod.com/y2kitten/y2kitten.htm
~ kit...@uiuc.edu smotu
http://members.tripod.com/~barbarakitten
Sandy Dolan
SJ, you just can't post these things when I've got bronchitis! Really, it
hurts too much to laugh.
Hope you feel better soon.
Sandygypsy buying SJ a glass of milk.
--
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their
level then beat you with experience.
Sandy Dolan
Are you *sure* Florida is far enough away?? I mean, I live in the
panhandle, that's still kind of close to Texas. I *could* pack the kids up
and go visit family in the Keys for a week.
Sandygypsy - still giggling
Rebecca Schoenberg
: Josh Brown <j...@excalibur.co.il> wrote:
:> Actually, it reminds me of the time I was chopping up hot peppers for the
:> Matbucha salad I was making (sort of like salsa, only North African), and
:> rubbed my eyes ... I did eventually regain my sight, but only after a good
:> long while, during which I was crying and laughing at the same time.
: I managed to get a flake of dried hot pepper (from the hot pepper shaker
: at Uno's) in my eye *while driving*, and with my contacts in. I literally
: had to use one hand to hold the other eye open so I could see to get off
: of the (fairly busy) street I was on.
"Umm.... not to pry, but how the heck did you manage that, if you don't
mind my asking? I'm assuming you weren't using the pepper shaker while
driving your car...."
-banshee, whose ex-boyfriend learned the had way to wash his
hands *well* between eating Suicide-Hot Buffalo Wings and taking
his contact lenses out
Josh Brown
15 tomatoes (usually I try and get the ones that aren't so ripe and solid
any more, they cook faster), cubed
10 regular peppers (any color is fine, but this traditionally calls for red
peppers), cut into small pieces, but not so small that they'll boil away
when you cook them
5 hot peppers (avoid touching body parts while chopping these up, or does
that go without saying?), chopped
The reason you chop these all up first is that once you start cooking, you
need these pretty quick.
2 onions, chopped
2 cloves of garlic, chopped.
Take a pot large enough to hold all of the above, and cover the bottom with
oil. Put it on the stove and when the oil starts gettting hot, put in the
onion and garlic. When they start turning translucent, add in the other
vegetables and salt.
Cover it and let it sit, stirring occasionally, until the level of the
liquid is higher than the level of the vegetables.
Turn off the flame, and drain away most, but not all of the liquid. Add a
can of tomato sauce. Here in Israel, that means about 400-450 grams of
tomato sauce. Then I sort of open the spice cabinet, and add anything the
seems appropriate - oregano, cumin, pepper, parsley, paprika, salt and
garlic powder are usually what my mom keeps in stock.
Let it cool before serving.
And as we say in Hebrew, BeTayavon!
Josh
sylvia
After going to Deja for the details, I got a good stitch in my
side and figured to share my close encounter with HotStuff ;-)
Well, to be precise, hubby's. We both love lamb, and he knows
I like spicy, hot, flavorful. He found a recipe that sounded like
fun, so we collected all the ingredients and planned to make it
for Easter dinner.
The recipe had been concocted by a world travelling chef,
who liked to combine the tastes of the different cuisines he
sampled on his trips. This one was Cajun style lamb curry.
He was working outside on the yard while I labored inside
preparing the recipe - a very long process. I called him at
one point and asked if he was sure I should follow the recipe
exactly as written, because it sounded a little too hot for his
usual taste. He assured me he had read the recipe before
turning it over to me, and to go ahead. <sigh>
Well, supper finally was ready - a big pile of rice, with a heaping
ladleful of the afternoons aromatic efforts in a depression in the
pile. It was steaming gently, and smelled fabulous. He put a nice
bite on his fork and brought it to his lips, realized it was still too
warm, and tried to cool it by blowing on it. A single drop of the
sauce fell on his lip as he did so - which caused him to rise up
out of his chair with the strangest, most strangled sound and
expression. <sigh>
He had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for Easter supper.
I froze the remains in single serving portions and finished it finally
about 4 months later. <sigh>
The recipe mysteriously vanished <very big sigh>
Anyone seen it, by any chance? I'd love to make it again :-(
--
PhoenixWench
sig-o-the-day:
"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point
is to discover them."
-- Galileo Galilei
Please p&e as my server eats posts
like cereal ;-)
Christine Krebs-Bonder
wrote:
>Josh Brown wrote:
>>
>> Actually, it reminds me of the time I was chopping up hot peppers for the
>> Matbucha salad I was making (sort of like salsa, only North African), and
>> rubbed my eyes ... I did eventually regain my sight, but only after a good
>> long while, during which I was crying and laughing at the same time.
>
>"Which, in turn, reminds me of how I learned that it's A Good Idea to
>wear rubber gloves while peeling, chopping and de-seeding hot peppers,"
>says Jezebel. "Let I stray too far into TMI territory, I'll just say it
>involved realizing that I *really* needed to use the bathroom, and
>forgetting to wash my hands *first* ..."
>
>--Jezebel
>kig...@peak.org
If you have a pair of goggles, it helps too. I made pepper relish for
the county fair the other year and wearing the goggles helped keep me
from getting the oil near or in my eyes. The goggles also help th
tearing problem when cutting up onions too.
Christine and Micah =^..^=
The GourmetGoodwench and feline companion
ben addleman
Sanford E. Walke IV <se...@izzy6.izzy.net> wrote in message
news:xhIo4.10$w9....@newsfeed.slurp.net...
> Josh Brown <j...@excalibur.co.il> wrote:
> > Actually, it reminds me of the time I was chopping up hot peppers for
the
> > Matbucha salad I was making (sort of like salsa, only North African),
and
> > rubbed my eyes ... I did eventually regain my sight, but only after a
good
> > long while, during which I was crying and laughing at the same time.
> at Uno's) in my eye *while driving*, and with my contacts in. I literally
> had to use one hand to hold the other eye open so I could see to get off
> of the (fairly busy) street I was on.
Aagg!
I think I already posted my story of sticking pepper-soaked fingers in my
eye, collapsing in agony, and _then_ after I recovered, doing it _again_
while demonstrating to someone exactly what a stupid thing I'd just done.
This, by the way, was infinitely worse than the time I managed to kick
myself in the groin, which is another story.
Ben Addleman
-um, yeah-I was doing minor surgery this morning, why do you ask? and why
are you backing away?
Janet Miles
> This, by the way, was infinitely worse than the time I managed to kick
> myself in the groin, which is another story.
Another story? Certainly! Capital idea. BOYC while you're talking?
JanetM
<grin>
--
Posted by Janet Miles (jmi...@usit.net) <www.public.usit.net/jmiles>
Loyal Webcrafter: PenUltimate Productions <www.worthlink.net/~ysabet>
and SSBB DC <magenta.com/lmnop/users/xlator/ssbbcorps.html>
Member: SSBB Diplomatic Corps -- East Tennessee
jhetley
Addleman" <addl...@is2.dal.ca> wrote:
<snipped>
>Like I said, the story probably needs pictures. But no, I'm not
about to try
>and repeat the experience on webcam for the patrons. Once was
enough! : )
>
BTDT
(At least I was wearing a cup.)
Jim
* Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet's Discussion Network *
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Ben Addleman
Janet Miles <jmi...@use.usit.net> wrote in message
news:j%zq4.7$EW....@news1.usit.net...
> ben addleman <addl...@is2.dal.ca> wrote:
>
> > This, by the way, was infinitely worse than the time I managed to kick
> > myself in the groin, which is another story.
>
> Another story? Certainly! Capital idea. BOYC while you're talking?
>
> JanetM
> <grin>
Well, it's not nearly as good as Sailor Jim's story. It's also pretty
visual, and may not make much sense in my fractured prose.
Before I took up the least healthy lifestyle in existence (health
professional), I also enjoyed and had time to practice martial arts on
occasion. One fine day I was warming up in a karate dojo. I started
chambering side kicks and roundhouse kicks. To do this, you quickly draw up
your kicking leg so that's it's up off the ground and poised to lash out
with the kick. I've been fencing for quite a few years, and I think I'm
pretty flexible for an adult male. When I do a full lunge, the thigh of my
bent front leg is almost perfectly in line with my straight back leg, and I
don't really feel any discomfort at all doing this. I was pretty pleased
with how easily I was able to get my leg up into a chambered position, even
when I brought the leg up as high as I could. I brought my leg higher and
higher, feeling the tendons stretch nicely, and finally decided it was time
to stop just preparing the kick, but actually try to finish it as well...
And so I again drew up my leg into a chambered position...
Tilted my body back slightly to let me kick higher....
Drew my foot in close to my body just before strightening my knee and
driving out my foot at head height...
And promptly smacked my own heel sharply into my groin.
Like I said, the story probably needs pictures. But no, I'm not about to try
and repeat the experience on webcam for the patrons. Once was enough! : )
Ben Addleman
Rebecca Schoenberg
:> >"Ok...I've stepped on my own foot, pulled my own hair (especially when I
:> >was a kid, 'cause it was really long and I didn't think to put it in a
:> >ponytail to sleep.), poked myself in the eye and tripped myself on many
: Tee, hee!
: My own hair is curly and anorexic, and reaches about two-thirds down my
: shoulder blades with the curls. When I've just come out of the shower, or my
: hair's gone horribly straight in dry air, it reaches my lower back.
: Several times, my dear giraffe and I have been lying encuddled and suddenly
: come to the realization that one of us is on top of the other, the person on
: the bottom is on the other's hair, and we _can't move_.
: I've also managed to get my entire head so securely "velcro'd" to the family
: christmas tree I thought I was going to become a permanent ornament.
: Speaking of dumb injuries, just yesterday I was bounding down the hospital
: stairs and playing with my stethoscope, which reacted to this lack of
: medical gravitas by flying into my left kneecap edge-on and almost crippling
: me.
Banshee grins ruefully. "I amanged to get a fat lip from a *sheep* - this
after the instructor spent a good 15 minutes explaining how they're the
most harmless animals on this planet.... I was trying to sit the poor thing
up for a blood draw, and it flung it's head back right into my face.
"I've worked with hawks, angry cats, horses, overly territorial rottweilers,
all without getting injured even a little bit. And I get bruised and
knocked to the point of seeing stars by a goshdarn sheep...."
-banshee, who wishes it could have been a more glamourous injury
Jette Goldie
Rebecca Schoenberg wrote
>Banshee grins ruefully. "I amanged to get a fat lip from a *sheep* - this
>after the instructor spent a good 15 minutes explaining how they're the
>most harmless animals on this planet.... I was trying to sit the poor thing
>up for a blood draw, and it flung it's head back right into my face.
>
????? "Most harmless animals on this planet??"
Your instructor has never met the Scottish Black Face breed
then <g>
Margaret Szedenits
> >>Banshee grins ruefully. "I amanged to get a fat lip from a *sheep* -
this
> >>after the instructor spent a good 15 minutes explaining how they're the
> >>most harmless animals on this planet.... I was trying to sit the poor
thing
> >>up for a blood draw, and it flung it's head back right into my face.
> >
> >????? "Most harmless animals on this planet??"
> >
> >Your instructor has never met the Scottish Black Face breed
> >then <g>
Didn't they atack James Herriot in his garden several years back? IIRC he
had some bruises, etc.....
--
Margaret in A²
Jim
[]
[]--glinda, *grin*duck*run*
oh... You mean 'Second Week of Deer Camp' then. :-)
D.J.
--
Spammers and junk emailers in jail !
djim55 at the datasync dotty com Disclaimer: Standard.
http://thinkmars.net/petition.html Leave out the boing to email me !
my web pages: http://www.datasync.com/~djim55/
Wayne S Garmil
>[](Though in the northwest forests, that might be "oh, deer!")
>[]
>[]--glinda, *grin*duck*run*
>
>oh... You mean 'Second Week of Deer Camp' then. :-)
Wayne just can't resist!
"It's the second week of deer camp
"And all the guys are here
"We drink, play cards, and shoot the bull
"But never shoot no deer
"The only time we leave the camp
"Is when we go for beer
"The second week of deer camp
"Is the greatest time of year"
Thank you Dr. Demento! And yes, that was from memory.
Wayne
--
_ __ _ __ | I see the girls walk by dressed in
' ) / // / / ) / | their summer clothes; I have to turn
/ / / o // __/ / __. __ __/ | my head until my darkness goes...
(_(_/ <_</_(_/ (__/ (_/|_/ (_(_/_ | (wga...@world.std.com)
D.J.
[p&e]
Wayne S Garmil wrote:
[]DJ wrote:
[]>[](Though in the northwest forests, that might be "oh, deer!")
[]>[]
[]>[]--glinda, *grin*duck*run*
[]>
[]>oh... You mean 'Second Week of Deer Camp' then. :-)
[]
[]Wayne just can't resist!
[]
[]"It's the second week of deer camp
[]"And all the guys are here
[]"We drink, play cards, and shoot the bull
[]"But never shoot no deer
[]"The only time we leave the camp
[]"Is when we go for beer
[]"The second week of deer camp
[]"Is the greatest time of year"
[]
[]Thank you Dr. Demento! And yes, that was from memory.
Hiya Wildcard !
Yup, Dr. Demento. Another interesting song is 'Thirty-Point Buck' !
'And then that thirty-point buck that was there,
was gone !'
D.J.
--
D.J. as djim55 at datasync dotty com Disclaimer: Standard
No boing in replyto. Updated Web pages February 21, 2000:
Tasha
{snip}
What I wanna know is... were there other people in the dojo when
you did this? Cause I can picture it perfectly, and I know if
any of my male classmates did that, they'd get "n" amount of
sympathy and "n-cubed" amount of ribbing!
Tasha -- whose Xena-esque chest protector shamed the guys into
learning better control and distancing!
Clothahump
I refer you to the episode titled "Silenced by the Lambs" at the
Darwin Awards site: http://www.darwinawards.com , in the 1999
awards section. It speaks for itself.
Jesse Linch
<csearsN...@bigfoot.com.invalid> wrote:
<snippage>
>I refer you to the episode titled "Silenced by the Lambs" at the
>Darwin Awards site: http://www.darwinawards.com , in the 1999
>awards section. It speaks for itself.
>
--
Jesse Linch <jli...@nohormel.cinci.rr.com> (Remove nospam to Reply)
"May you live in interesting times,"
-Ancient Chinese proverb or curse, you decide.