Kids Puns of the Weak 09-14-04
Stan Kegel
JEST FOR KIDS * THE RIDDLES
How do you make sure that no one steals your bagel?
You put lox on it. (A Joke A Day)
What do you call a jacket that's on fire?
A blazer! (School Jokes)
What time was it when Sir Lancelot looked at his bellybutton?
The middle of the knight. (School Jokes)
Why did the robber take a bath?
To make a clean get away! (Jade, 12)
What was the biologist doing at the Old Navy?
He was looking for new genes. (Daily Groaner)
Why did the pretty schoolteacher marry the custodian?
He swept her off her feet. (School Jokes)
"Why are peacocks unreliable?
They're always spreading tails. (Lederer & Ertner)
What do you get if you cross Sir Lancelot with a firefly?
A knight light (Doodles by Mac and Sack)
What makes an octopus a good fighter?
He's very well armed. (School Jokes)
What is the best store to be in during an earthquake?
A stationary store. (Mike Bull)
Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out?...
He was already taking out a tooth
What did the ocean say to the beach?
I'm not shore. (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
How did the computer geek get out of school?
He pressed the escape key. (Gavin, )
What makes grass so dangerous?
The blades. (School Jokes)
What does a cannibal call a phone book?
A menu! (Sophie, 11)
Where does Judge Dracula work?
Night Court (Esther, 9)
If dogs go to obedience school, where do cats go?
Kittygarten (Amy, 7)
Did the mummy have a good vacation?
Who knows? He was too wrapped up to tell. (Kevin, 8)
Why did the schoolboy take a ladder to school?
It was high school. (School Jokes)
What is the best day of the week to make hamburgers?
Friday (Alina, 8)
What did the dentist see at the North Pole?...
A molar bear
What did the mother say to the child's hair?
You are very knotty (Eloise, 6)
What goes up when the rain comes down?
Umbrellas (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
Why was the nanny goat so upset?
She had too many kids to take care of. (Jeannie, 9)
If there were 10 copycats on a building and one jumped off, how many would
be left?
None. They are copycats. (Lourdes, 8)
What did the dentist say to the computer?...
This won't hurt a byte
What kind of bow can't you put in your hair?
An elbow (Samantha, 9)
What does a bee wear when it is cold?
A Yellow Jacket (Daily Groaner)
What do dentists like most about amusement parks?...
Molar coasters (Andrea, 9)
Why was the baseball player at the store?
For a sales pitch. (Mike Benny)
What do dentists like most about amusement parks?...
Molar coasters (Andrea, 9)
Why were miniskirts once called "dogs"?
Because you could peek on knees. (Lederer & Ertner)
What do you call a dog at the stereo shop?
A woofer. (Mike Benny)
JEST FOR KIDS * THE PUNS
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
(Pun of the Day)
A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper. (Pun of the Day)
A room full of married people is empty because there isn't a single person
in it. (Robert Margolin)
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look
at either. (Martin Flack)
The Principal moved the chickens out of the playground so the pupils
wouldn't overhear foul language. (School Jokes)
Has it ever occurred to you that there might be a difference between having
an open mind and having holes in one's head? (Richard Schultz)
A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his
wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?" Shouting back, the woman replies, "For
crying out loud, I've been telling you for the last half hour that I'll be
ready in a minute! (Marty Dee)
Two friends took ropes to school so that they could skip out. (Pun of the
Day)
Anti-freeze: What happens to your aunt when you steal her blanket. (School
Jokes)
Some people's noses and feet are build backwards: their feet smell and their
noses run. (Pun of the Day)
The jogger who overslept found himself running late. (Tony Thoennes)
It's true I don't like soap, but you don't have to rub it in my face! (Mike
Bull)
The fly danced on the top of the Coke bottle because it said, "Twist to
open." (School Jokes)
When the rain dancers formed a circle they sang up a storm (Betty Debnam:
Mighty Funnies)
After modeling clothes all day, she felt worn out. (Jumble: Arnold &
Argirlon)
Abundance: Lots of dancing rolls (Joseph Leff)
He was late for school until a spider dropped on his ankle and then he
decided to shake a leg. (Pun Of The Day)
Here in Charlotte we have the Long Animal Hospital, specializing, we assume,
in snakes and dachshunds. (Doug Robarchek)
Some children think that their parents are all no-ing (Pun of the Day)
To stop a Police Dog from barking in the back of the K-9 car, move him to
the front seat. (Stan Kegel)
When he drew the movie star's portrait, the artist experienced a brush with
fame. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
A Few Bucks: 2 or 3 male deer. (Joseph Leff)
Antelope: When two ants run off to get married (School Jokes)
Aboard Ship: A boat made of wooden planks. (Joseph Leff)
An insulting telegram is a barbed wire. (Tony Thoennes)
Before computers, children learned to add digitally. (Jumble: Arnold &
Argirlon)
You should never trust the beach because there is something fishy about it
(Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
Here in Charlotte we have the Long Animal Hospital, specializing, we assume,
in snakes and dachshunds. (Doug Robarchek)
She ran to an intersection because she wanted her life to be at a turning
point. (Mike Bull)
A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. (Mike Bull)
Act Up: Pretend to be awake. (Joseph Leff)
His wife and daughter walked into prison to visit him with a cake, single
file. (Pun of the Day)
PUNS IN THE COMICS
Dog at DVD player on TV. Girl says to the dog: "Press the paws button."
(Marmaduke: Brad Anderson)
The four food groups are breakfast, lunch dinner and snacks. (Family Circle:
Jeff & Bill Keane)
Sign: Magnet School Child: "A Magnet School? Won't that mess up the
computers?" (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
First grade girl to mother: "I learned all my vowels. E-I-E-I-O" (Family
Circle: Jeff & Bill Keane)
Dog sitting at the computer. On the monitor: "You've got flea-mail" (9 to 5:
Harley Schwadron)
Ghost reading want ads and talking on a cellular phone: "I'm calling about
your ad. It says you're looking for someone really spiritual." (Rubes: Leigh
Rubin)
Water pollution proves everything comes out in the wash. (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)
Books with the most footnotes are the ones on podiatry. (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)
Seismologists are always finding fault (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Our 2005 model cars has "Electronic Fuel Injection". No carbs. (Cornered:
Mike Baldwin)
Elephant to mouse: "Well, maybe you don't mind cheesy wages but I'm tired of
working for peanuts. (Oddly Enough: Chris Kemp)
"Knock, knock, Winnie" "Who's there?" "Waddle" "Waddle who?" "Waddle it be
Yesterday's coffee or last week's teabag?" (Flo & Friends: Gibel & Campbell)
"Welcome to Bombay, Mr. Striver. What is the purpose of your visit?" "My
company sent my job overseas. So, I'm here to find it and bring it home."
(Bull$ 'n' Bear$: Wells & Lindstrom)
On most highways, the shortest distance between two points is under
construction. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Boy on Mechanical horse. Ride-75cents. "I guess he's not a quarter horse
anymore." (Dennis the Menace: Hank Ketcham)
"100 meter dash/" "Too short!"
"Daytona 500?" "Too loud!"
"Boston Marathon?" "Too slow!"
"Kentucky Derby?" "Too elite!"
"Tour de France?" "Too long!"
"Used to be, you couldn't discuss race issues in the comics!"
(Frazz: Jeff Marlett)
The security business owes its success to crime. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Deep sea divers see a sign, "Welcome to Atlan tis" with an "N" in the sand
below; "Look, Ernie! It's the lost consonant of Atlantis!" (Frank & Ernest:
Bob Thaves)
The world is changing so fast. I can remember when a crank call meant the
type of phone you were using. (Crankshaft: Batluk & Ayers)