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A Taco Bell story

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Dec 23, 1993, 6:52:13 AM12/23/93
Guys, I hope you all find this as funny as I did. It went straight into
the archives.

-The Farleymeister

Captain Sarcastic <> wrote:
>The following is a *true* story. It amused the hell out of me while it
>was happening. I hope it isn't one of those "had to be there" things.
>On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h I
>need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is
>a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person.
>I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to
>worry about people getting pissed at me.
>ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."
>IT: "Is that it?"
>ME: "Yep."
>IT: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?"
>ME: "No, it's *to* *go*." [I hate effort duplication.]
>At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it
>kind of funny and
>IT: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
>He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The
>following conversation occurs between the two of them.
>IT: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
>MG: "No. A what?"
>IT: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
>MG: "Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL." [my emp]
>IT: "Yeah, thought so."
>He comes back to me and says
>IT: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
>ME: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
>IT: "I don't know."
>ME: "See here where it says legal tender?"
>IT: "Yeah."
>ME: "So, shouldn't you take it?"
>IT: "Well, hang on a sec."
>He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to
>shoplift, and
>IT: "He says I have to take it."
>MG: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
>IT: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
>IT: "What should I do?"
>MG: "Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money."
>IT: "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
>MG: "Just tell him."
>IT: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."
>The manager approaches me and says
>MG: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night." [it was 8pm and
> this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall with 100
> other stores.]
>ME: "Well, here's a two."
>MG: "We don't take *those* either."
>ME: "Why the hell not?"
>MG: "I think you *know* why."
>ME: "No really, tell me, why?"
>MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
>ME: "Excuse me?"
>MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
>ME: "What the hell for?"
>MG: "Please, sir."
>ME: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
>MG: "Would you please just leave?"
>ME: "No."
>MG: "Fine, have it your way then."
>ME: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"
>At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone
>around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area,
>and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this
>45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a
>SG: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
>MG: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."
>SG: "Really? What?"
>MG: "Get this, a *two* dollar bill."
>SG: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous]
>MG: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is
> a fifty."
>SG: "So, the fifty's fake?"
>MG: "NO, the $2 is."
>SG: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
>MG: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
>SG: "Yeah..."
>Security guard walks over to me and says
>SG: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
>ME: "Uh, no."
>SG: "Lemme see 'em."
>ME: "Why?"
>SG: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
>At this point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat, so
>I said
>ME: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill."
>I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a
>swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands,
>and says
>SG: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
>MG: "It's fake."
>SG: "It doesn't look fake to me."
>MG: "But it's a **$2** bill."
>SG: "Yeah?"
>MG: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
>The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it
>dawned on the guy that he had no clue.
>My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon
>things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see
>what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of
>people, I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food.
>Captain Sarcastic - - Read alt.captain.sarcastic or die.
>Yes, I traded my oldest for a couple of lids
>But it's none of your business how *I* raise *my* kids
>Now let's get the baby high.

And they say that entertainment is expensive today. Hah!

-The Farleymeister, Meister of Farleyburg

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